A Real Life Opportunity for a Witnessed (by Video) Spanking (Club Meeting 532)

“One person's embarrassment is another person's accountability.” - Tom Price

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

 

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was OK, though for the first time in a while I had “one of those nights” in which a few drinks with a friend became a few too many.  So, a spanking probably is in my near future.  Aside from that, I’m enjoying our fall weather that is starting to inch its way toward winter.

 

Just a short follow-up on the topic of spanking pace.  After I wrote the post, I came across this captioned photo, which describes almost perfectly the pace Anne used in one of the spankings a couple of weeks ago:  A regular pace of swats landing every second or two, punctuated with short flurries of very fast swats.  As I said in the post, I found those flurries to be very, very painful and effective.

 

For some reason, I haven’t been in much of a DD mood lately, which happens sometimes. It almost feels hormonal, and I feel like my hormones are, in fact, a little off right now, probably thanks to some recent bouts of insomnia.  And, since it hasn’t been on my mind that much, I didn’t have much inspiration for a post this week. 

 

So, instead of my usual abstract or broad-based topic, I thought I’d relate a recent discussion I had that might lead to a novel (for me) and potentially embarrassing spanking experience.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I had a text exchange with Aunt Kay’s husband, who went by the name “Jerry” within the DWC and posted here for a while under the name Tomy.  He noted that these days I’m the only one he ever talks to about DWC and spanking-related stuff.  I told him that it’s surprising to me that after the DWC website went defunct, and after Kay’s passing, all the participants seemed to scatter and that he's no longer in touch with any of them.  I told him that, while I have come to understand how contextual most relationships are, it still kind of surprised me that there wasn’t more ongoing contact among the core group within the DWC, because what they shared had been so intimate and transgressive, it seemed like that was the kind of “naughty shared secret”, as Kay once put it, that might cement stronger bonds.  That seemed particularly the case where men had been spanked in front of each other or sent to each other’s wives for a spanking.

 

 

That led to me admitting that something about that live, in-person experience within the confines of a small, intimate group like the DWC, is something I sometimes really regret missing out on.  I also said that, while I’m not quite as obsessed with the fantasy of a witnessed spanking as some others here are, it is something that I have fantasized about, although for me that fantasy would have to hew pretty closely to a real disciplinary spanking. In other words, being spanked for no real disciplinary reason at something like a spanking party probably wouldn’t do much for me. 

 

I also acknowledged that, given that I have been writing a DWC-oriented blog for over a decade, it’s not like I probably couldn’t figure out a way to arrange for a witnessed spanking if I really wanted to, so the lack of such an experience was kind of on me.

 

He responded with, “Zoom anytime”, which I took to be a suggestion we continue our chat on a Zoom call, which we’ve done before.  I suggested we try to hook up with a video call that afternoon. 

 

But, almost immediately another possible meaning of his text occurred to me.  I was a little reluctant to raise it, but I took a breath and sent a follow-up query: “It occurred to me belatedly that I might have missed another meaning of your Zoom suggestion, i.e. a possibility of being spanked over a Zoom session, with you witnessing?  Was that what you meant?”

 

He responded, “Yep, that is what I meant,” followed by a smiley emoji.

 

 

I was not sure how to respond, because the offer had come so unexpectedly that I hadn’t yet had time to process it.  But, ultimately I told him that I would at least raise it with Anne and get her thoughts.

 

Although I did intend to bring it up to her, I thought it was pretty likely that would be the end of it, as Anne has always been a more private person than I am. 

 

We had a check-in a couple of days later. I had committed to myself that I would bring it up, yet I still came pretty close to chickening out. Finally, at the end of the conversation, I told her about Jerry’s offer and how it had come about.  She definitely looked surprised, but she also had this very amused look on her face, which I think was not so much about the offer itself but about my obvious embarrassment about it.  She has said many times that, given my confidence that borders on cockiness (she would probably say more than “borders”), she enjoys it when something about our DD and FLR relationship or plans to extend it make me unsettled or nervous.

 

 

Without giving me her thoughts, she asked me how I felt about it.  I tried to be honest and told her that, while the idea embarrassed me, I had told Jerry that I wished I would have been a part of the real DWC and might have experienced being spanked in front of others in the lifestyle.  I also told her that I felt like it was my own paranoia about confidentiality that had caused me to miss out on those kinds of novel experiences and that there isn’t much objective risk these days, given that both of us are retired and nothing really hinges on what anyone else might think of our lifestyle choices.

 

I finally asked her what she thought.  She was noncommittal, but it wasn’t a “no”.  She said she’d think about it.

 

It’s been a couple of weeks, and I haven’t pressed the issue. As I said, I haven’t been in much of a DWC-related mindset lately, which is probably part of why I haven’t brought it up again.  Also, I’m scheduled for a medical procedure in a couple of weeks, and will involve some substantial recovery time.  So, even if she were to say she is open to it, I doubt it would happen soon, in part because I think she and Jerry would need to have a live discussion to talk about how to do it and how to put an actual session together without a lot of notice, given that for me this works only if the spanking were for something real and followed fairly closely after that behavior.

 

 

Anne is going to do what she’s going to do, but what do you all think about this?  Some of you have been spanked in front of witnesses, so I’m sure what the prospect of a spanking viewed over video may seem pretty mild by your standards.  And, I admit that it being over a video does attenuate the embarrassment I feel thinking about the prospect, as does the fact that Jerry lives far away from us and, thus, isn’t someone I see live on a regular basis.  I feel like that is a big part of the embarrassment associated with most real witnessed spankings in real DD relationships; the witness is often a friend or family member who you are likely to see from time to time, and every time you see them you’re going to be wondering whether they have an image of you over your wife’s knee.

 

 

So, without defining the topic very precisely, what do you think?  Any advice on whether I should do it?  If you had a chance, would you ever do it?  What about being on the viewing end? Would you ever want to see someone else get spanked, whether in person or over video?

 

I hope you have a good week.

 

 

Spanking Pace (continued), plus What Aare You Thinking While Being Spanked? (Club meeting - 531)

“To say that we mutually agree to coercion is not to say that we are required to enjoy it, or even to pretend we enjoy it.” - Garrett Hardin

 Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

 

I’ve said many times how much I love the fall season, and this year is no exception.  We passed peak leaf season a week or two ago and have entered the part of the season where things get quite a bit cooler and quite a bit more gray.  But, there’s been enough nice weather that people could do their pumpkin gathering.

 

 

And, the weather was nice enough yesterday that I was able to get most of our outside Halloween decorations up.  We live in a very suburban neighborhood, so nothing even PG-13 for ours.

 

 

As you know, I took this past week off from posting.  There was no specific precipitating event, but I just started feeling very frustrated by the amount of time I was putting into on-line activities. Honestly, I'm still kind of feeling that way, but I had this post mostly written anyway, and while not posting one week is no big deal, twice in a row starts feeling like a trend.

 

Anyway, two weeks ago there were some interesting happenings in our household on the DD front and in ways that relate to some recent, or relatively recent, topics.

 

We’ve had some stumbling starts and stops on this, but Anne and I are trying to get back into weekly check-ins.  It’s a conscious effort to both increase her sense of control over my behavior and the disciplinary aspects of the relationship and also to generally improve our communications and organize our calendars and to-dos so we’re better coordinated on things like planning future travel or joint activities.

 

 

We both see a value in the meetings, but that hasn’t seemed to translate into doing them with any regularity. We’re trying to change that by adding some formality, like actually putting them on our respective calendars, requiring me to submit a report and a journal entry to her before the meeting, etc.

 

I’ve posted various drafts of the report template here a few times before. Here’s the latest version:

 

The latest updates are designed to do a few things:

 

• Making the bigger offenses a simple, binary check-off. Did it happen or didn’t it, without an attempt to quantify the seriousness.
•  Noting expressly whether she’s already threatened or ordered a spanking for something, which serves two purposes: remind her that she’s not supposed to be letting things go like that, and make a “catch up” spanking to take care of such matters a foregone conclusion after the check-in.
•  Requiring me to state what I think should happen as a result of the behavior.  In effect, if I objectively deserve to be spanked, I need to say so. It also may be that, in some cases, she may not see something as a big deal, but I’m feeling the need to be held accountable for it.  In effect, if I think I deserve or need a spanking, the form forces me to face up to it.

 

It seemed to work pretty well in our recent session, and the discipline it dictated leads me to recap some things from previous topics.

 

First, although I hadn’t had any very big behavioral fails, there had been at least one incident that she cared about enough to comment on it unfavorably, and there was another incident that I saw as an issue.

 

The first involved some comments I made over a dinner with some one of our kids’ in-laws.  The drinks were flowing pretty freely and, while I didn’t drink any more than anyone else, I made a couple of comments that Anne thought were a little too off-color, describing it as “regressing to frat-boy humor.”  I don’t fully agree with her assessment, but that’s not the standard.

 

 

The other issue involved a neighborhood potluck.  I had wine on an empty stomach. There actually were no behavior problems associated with it, and even commented that she was surprised I saw it as an issue since I’d behaved myself throughout the gathering. But, I felt like I’d consumed too much and had been irresponsible in not eating more.  Basically, I felt like I needed her to impose a bit tighter boundaries around alcohol, not because it’s been a big problem lately but, to the contrary, because it had improved quite a bit and I didn’t want to see that progress reverse.

 

Because I had identified two different and independent incidents, when answering the “What should happen” question, I was honest and said there should be two separate spankings.  She agreed.

 

 

That gives me an opportunity address the recent topics of (a) the pace of spankings; and (b) multiple spankings.

 

Regarding pace, the first spanking began as a pretty typical OTK spanking with the bath brush.  But, I think she must have read last week’s blog post with the discussion of the pros and cons of a rapid-fire pace.  In addition to lots of swats at her normal pace, she gave several super-fast volleys, delivered at what had to be close to the fastest pace she could do swinging the bath brush.

 

The second spanking came three days later, and it was in a position we seldom use – laying flat on the bed with her swinging from above.  

 

She used a combination of instruments, including the London Tanner’s DD Strap, a wooden paddle, and a short leather paddle with holes, which I got from Aunt Kay’s husband. Her pace was slower and more deliberate, and overall the spanking lasted longer.

 

 

How did they compare, and was CalSpankee right in his proposition that
“slower and longer” is more effective?

 

Honestly, it wasn’t really a fair test of his proposition.  Her pace during the second spanking was slower but not what I would call truly slow.  Also, the position was, for me, not very effective.  For whatever reason, laying flat on a bed has never worked well for me.  The strikes always seem to hit the two glutes very unevenly.  I also tend to get anxiety about swats hitting too high.  I’m also always breathing into the mattress or turning my head to the side uncomfortably.

 

So, in this case, no, the slower pace was not more effective. But, as I said, it also didn’t seem like a fair comparison. For me, a real head-to-head competition would probably involve a standing or bent-over position, with a single instrument—probably a heavy wooden paddle—with the 15 to 20 second pauses between swats that CalSpankee recommended.  If done long enough, I still think that could be more effective.

 

 

I think there is one more factor, however, that would have to be apples-to-apples, and that would be that each would have to be a single spanking for a single offense, with one offense happening after the other and the first spanking intervening between the two.

 

This relates back to some concerns Alan has raised about multiple spankings for the same offense.  Alan’s concern (he’ll correct me I get this wrong) is that spanking more than once for the same offense delays the typical “cleaning of the slate” that is one of the major benefits of DD.  His advice is, if there is a desire for a more serious spanking to reflect an especially serious offense or series of offenses, consider a post-orgasm spanking instead of multiple spankings.

 

Now, my situation this week was not exactly “two spankings for one offense”. There were multiple offenses, and my request for two spankings reflected that each should be punished.  But, spanking on two different days created (for me) a problem somewhat, though not exactly, like Alan’s concern about delayed cleaning of the slate.

 

See, after the first spanking, my need for accountability seemed fully satisfied. There was no feeling of needing to wipe the slate clean. Instead, the second spanking felt totally superfluous. 

 

That’s the second reason that the fast-paced first spanking versus the slow-paced second spanking isn’t an entirely fair comparison – I wasn’t in a similar mental/emotional state. 

 

CalSpankee favors the slow-paced session because the gap between swats gives lots of time to think about why you’re being spanked, what you could have done differently, exploring feelings of guilt, etc.  The problem was most of the feelings that lead to those kind of thoughts had been expiated with the first spanking.

 

 

I’m not sure this means that making sure that each offense gets its own punishment is wrong. But, it might mean that the multiple sessions need to come very close to each other in time, like a single, long session broken into two parts, with some downtime in-between.

 

I also have a few observations about the two respective spankings.

 

Regarding the first spanking, which included super-fast volleys, they were surprisingly effective in one respect: They seemed to have the ability to cut through some numbing and/or through the somewhat diminished response that seems to happen when I’ve been spanked for a significant amount of time. I was surprised at (a) how much more the faster volleys hurt; (b) that the pain-level stayed consistently high from the beginning to the end of each volley; and (c) how, even after numbness had started to set in, a fast volley would cut right through it.

 

Regarding the second spanking, my primary observation is that counter-intuitively, it didn’t really hurt any more than usual, even though it took place just three days after a hard one.  Was I surprised by that? Not entirely. 

 

Although intuitively it seems like a spanking so soon after another serious one should hurt substantially more, on the rare occasion when I’ve gotten two in one week, and even on the even more rare occasions when I’ve gotten two in successive days, the second did not hurt more than the first.  I’ll be curious to hear from you whether my experience is atypical.

 

For this week, feel free to address any thoughts that arise from the above observations.

 

Plus, and relatedly, CalSpankee suggested this:

 

“As a spankee, what things are you thinking about when you are getting spanked?"; and,

 

"What type of spanking does or does not get you thinking about those things, and why?"

 

For me, that’s a hard one.  Honestly, I’m not thinking that coherently while I’m getting spanked.  I often start out counting the swats as they land, though it’s not an intentional thing; I just kind of start counting.  But, I also almost never keep counting throughout it.  If it’s been a while since I’ve been spanked, I’m sometimes shocked by just how much it hurts, and I may even think about begging her to stop, though I almost never do. Sometimes, if the spanking is especially hard or has gone on a long time, I may feel some resentment that she isn’t bringing it to an end, but then I’ll almost always mentally acknowledge that I got myself into it.

 

That’s about it. As I said, I’m not thinking all that coherently when being spanked.

 

I hope you all have a great week.

 

 

No Post

Hi all.  I've been out and about enjoying the crisp fall weather.  I'd been working on a post and was planning to post yesterday or early today. 

But, I've been feeling kind of uncharacteristically overwhelmed with electronic communications and social media and decided I just don't want to focus on blogging this week.  Maybe I'll post some Halloween pics or something as the week goes along.  In the meantime, feel free to carry last week's discussion over into this post.

Spanking Pace and Refusing/Resisting/Avoiding a Spanking

NOTE: I published a version of this post earlier, but Blogger took it down for some unidentified "content violation". I'm not sure what the issue was, but it may be because it included two external links. The one and only other time I've had a post taken down, that post also had an external link. So, I've removed that portion of the post.  I've reentered the few comments that had been left at the time of the take down.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

 

“You can't talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into!” - Stephen R. Covey

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

 

We were traveling and, for once, we got along reasonably well.  I say “for once”, because we typically don’t travel that well together.  Part of it is her tendency to backseat drive, but admittedly my moodiness when traveling is also usually an issue.  For whatever reason, things to go more smoothly this time, so there was none of this on this trip and, if she has anything she wants to spank me for, I don’t think it would be related specifically to our trip. Though, it's worth noting that, as we were getting ready to leave, she made a point of showing me that she had packed her bath brush.

Well, it sure was quiet here during my short absence. I hope it’s a reflection of people being busy transitioning into Autumn and not just plain old lack of interest. I personally did want to hear more from “Mrs. Terrapin”. Even apart from the maternal angle, I found some of her thoughts regarding inherent inequality of real DD relationships to be worth following up on.  But, best laid plans and all that . . .

 

Because there were so few comments last week, I don’t have a lot to work with in terms of leveraging comments into topics. But, TB and Norton raised some issues that might generate some discussion.  Taking them in reverse order, Norton said (I’m combining parts of two comments):

 

While I have never refused a spanking, we did go through something similar a few days ago.  She was very annoyed with me and gave me a brief, very hard, very fast, spanking. It was probably 2 spanks every second, which is pretty overwhelming and gives me no time to process much at all. It also led to a good discussion about how she could alter it, by spanking just as hard, but in a more deliberate, slower, manner. I have encouraged her in the past to push me to my limit, so she was understandably confused by me saying that it was too much.

 

Others have described long, hard, spankings that were overwhelming in that they didn't know how long it was going to last. When coupled with genuine remorse, such a spanking has sometimes led others to tears. I would like to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to experience that, but have never been able to get there.

 

A few weeks ago, we talked about spanking style, which didn’t seem to generate much interest.  But, Norton’s comment focuses more narrowly on the pacing of swats/strikes.  It also touches on something I’ve wondered about, i.e. whether longer spankings are more effective and specifically whether they are more likely to lead to tears.  

 

Although that does seem to be the conventional wisdom, I’ve had some recent spankings that left me wondering.  

 

Several weeks ago, I talked about getting spanked after a long break.  It was excruciating from the first swat, to such an extent that I had some of those “I don’t know whether I can take this” thoughts and had to fight hard internally not to resist.  In the past, if a spanking was super intense from the very beginning, I tended to “man up” and just try to get through it without really giving in to it, which is how I interpret Norton’s reference to not having time to process it.  But, for some reason, recently I feel closer to crying at the beginning of a spanking, especially if I’m shocked by how much it hurts.  Do others experience that, where it is just so overwhelming that it almost overcomes your resistance and leaves you fighting back tears?

 

The other problem for me with longer spankings is I almost always go numb after about 5 or 6 minutes. Or, at least I do with wooden instruments, which are about all we use these days.  So, if the goal was tears, as it seems to be for both Norton and me, an especially long spanking wouldn’t seem to get me there. Or, the only way I can see it happening would be if “a” spanking were broken up into several discreet sections, with long breaks in-between.   But, it seems like those long breaks would also defeat that feeling that it was going on and on and on in the way that some say has brought them to tears.

 

 

Norton’s reference to never having refused a spanking was in response to this from TB:

 

As there are so few comments on this topic I'm going to pitch in with a related topic. For some reason my wife was really bad tempered a couple of weeks ago. This is very, very unusual and even more unusual is that I was being as placatory as possible when she suddenly said she was going to spank me. I instinctively and for the first time ever, refused. Not in a confrontational way but in a 'no, I do not think that is a good idea' kind of way.

 

The domestic atmosphere was not good for a couple of days as I guess you can imagine. I did journal very clearly that I felt that our DD relationship had responsibilities on both sides and that I felt that the context and her frame of mind were not suited to a discipline session. I admit that I did feel very nervous about where this refusal was going to take us. Surprisingly, it has led to a very constructive series of conversations about mutual responsibility, timings of discipline and most importantly a joint commitment to a more '24 x 7' DD relationship rather than a marriage that has DD as an option.

 

We have talked about the role of warnings, lectures, scoldings and eventually the necessity of spanking as a kind of tiered approach to discipline. She has really taken this to heart during the past couple of weeks, I have been warned and lectured for minor breaches. She seems to more clearly recognise the joint nature of and need for discipline, how she cannot effectively just decide on an inconsistent basis to use spanking to subdue (rather than correct) me and how spanking in my mind (and our relationship) is part of a stepped approach to correcting my misbehaviour.

 

It feels like we have crossed some sort of milestone of mutual understanding but as usual time will tell.

 

TB’s comment is, for me, a great illustration of why it’s probably counter-productive to insist on hard “rules” where communications in real DD relationships are concerned. Many of us would probably caution against ever flat-out refusing a spanking, since it risks undermining her confidence and, with that, the whole dynamic. And, I do think it’s not a trivial risk. Yet, in TB’s case, it led to a deeper conversation and, as he said, a “sort of milestone of mutual understanding”.

 

 

So, keeping in mind that it probably is best to err on the side of not refusing, have you ever done so?  If so, what was the reason? How did it turn out?

 

I can think of really only one time that Anne seemed intent on spanking, and I basically refused.  The situation was a little more subtle than that, but it did qualify as a refusal. The reason was we had been out socially, and she was tipsy.  Although I’ve said that our relationship is basically “anytime for any reason”, for me alcohol is the one exception, for two reasons. First, probably because I had a parent who had issues around alcohol, I react very negatively to assertions of authority by people who have been drinking.  Second, it’s a safety thing.  Friends have commented that I tend to get more controlled as I drink, including where things like physical balance are concerned. Anne is the opposite. She’s kind of a lightweight, and it shows.  Hard paddles and vulnerable body parts don’t seem like a good mix with alcohol.

 

But, that’s really it where flat-out refusals are concerned.

 

I don’t even really argue very much.  That’s probably because it’s pretty rare that I actually disagree with her about the reason for a spanking.  And, on the rare occasions when I don’t see a situation the same way she does, there often are multiple recent issues she could be spanking me for, so even if we don’t agree on what specifically she is spanking me for, it’s rare that we don’t both agree that I deserve to be spanked for something.

 

 What I do often do is try to delay.  It sometimes probably does rise to the level of arguing, but it’s often a “how about not right now” and not so much pleading my case for not deserving it at all.  The problem is, successful delay often seems to result in it not happening at all, and even if I genuinely want to avoid that spanking at the time it is in play, I almost always have some regret when it becomes clear that delay has turned into avoidance.

 

I do know it is self-defeating.  I say I want her to be more strict and stern, yet in the moment I can’t seem to help but undermine her efforts.  I truly get that it’s unfair to her, because she tries to be more assertive like I say I want, but then I don’t exactly cooperate with that process.

Yet, part of that resistance seems almost inevitable, precisely because things are starting to seem more “real.”  When she gets more assertive and more aggressive in ordering spankings, I try harder to get out of them.

 

It’s unfair and counterproductive, but isn’t it also precisely what you would expect when discipline starts to feel truly imposed? I’ve said I want it to feel non-consensual, and if I genuinely don’t want to be spanked and kind of actively undermine it, yet it happens nonetheless, that feels like a spanking that has, in fact, been imposed on me whether I like it or not. 

 

Therefore, while successfully avoiding a spanking is counter-productive, when I am unsuccessful in undermining her resolve, it actually increases her authority and confidence and makes me feel like the dynamic is increasingly real.

 

Trying to get out of it but failing to do so confirms her status as the real “boss.” 

 

I hope you all have a great week.

More on Obedience, Fairness, and Maternal-Style Disciplinary Spankings (Club Meeting -529)

“You’re like a teenager who pokes, and pokes, and pokes at his mother, then acts all shocked when she tells him he's going to get spanked for it.” – Anne, my Disciplinary Wife

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was . . . surprisingly painful. Twice over. 

 

First, I got spanked for one of those “small” careless things Anne and I agreed she would be stricter about. This time it was leaving the garage door open (again).  Then I had a dental procedure that left me equally sore in one of my other cheeks.

 

So, I hope your week was more pleasant and pain-free than mine.

 

I thought we had a great discussion last week. I’m probably going to experiment more with posts that are more stream-of-consciousness and/or tied to things I’ve recently gone through or thought about as a DD husband, as opposed to our very well-worn topical format. But, I need to think through what that might look like.

 

In any event, I do have a topic in mind for this week, and I apologize in advance to TG, as I know it’s one he doesn’t like. But, maybe there will be something that stimulates some thoughts from him even if he doesn’t personally gravitate toward this particular DD model.

 

It results from new commenter Mrs.Terrapin/Mrs.Turpin (not sure which of those she intends to adopt) addressing some of my discussion points about Anne second-guessing herself when it comes to spanking for seemingly “small” things. 

 

As I said in that post, Anne has told me in the past that when she’s angry, she often just doesn’t think about spanking as the best option to address whatever I did to piss her off. However, a recent discussion revealed that it’s more nuanced.  With smaller things that make her angry or annoyed, but not livid, it turns out she sometimes does think about spanking me, but she often starts over-rotating on “fairness” concerns, or focus on whether I’ve been warned sufficiently and recently, and she ends up talking herself out of it.

 

Mrs.Turpin (I’ll go with that one until she picks) explained how her thought-process around disciplining her husband for similarly small issues became much simpler when she had an epiphany that most of his behavioral issues were, in one way or another, a form of disobedience or disrespect. When she spanked him for not using a coaster, it wasn’t really about not using the coaster but about him not obeying her instructions to use one.

 

 

She also addressed what I think is probably another reason some Disciplinary Wives hesitate in spanking for small things; they question whether they are being hypocritical, given that they too probably have been similarly careless or sloppy from time-to-time.  She said that eliminated that concern by re-framing the issue as a question of disobedience. The part that relates to today’s topic was an extension of that dynamic:

 

This ties into something else he’s asked for (even if he’s not always thrilled about it when the paddle comes out!): a dynamic that mirrors realistic maternal discipline. And here’s the fun part—another epiphany I had is that real-life maternal discipline isn’t about fairness. A mom can spank her son for staying out past curfew without batting an eye, even if she stayed out late herself the week before. It’s not a relationship of equals, and that’s the point!

 

I've had several occasions over the past few years where my husband has tried to get out of punishment by arguing that it wasn't fair that he was getting spanked for something that perhaps I had also done myself in the past. I always enjoy the look on his face when I cheerfully reminded him, “You asked for maternal discipline, and you will receive maternal discipline. Life’s not fair, darling, and I’m the one in charge!” It is a moment that sets the tone: naughty boys are not peers with their maternal disciplinarians.

 

 

My enthusiastic response to her reference to the unequal hierarchy at play in a genuine maternal model led her to expand:

At first, I understood "maternal" almost exclusively in terms of aesthetics -what I am wearing, what implements are used, how I lecture and what words I use, and so forth. The aesthetics are an important part of it ... but there is so much more than that - for example, saying "because I said so" instead of explaining every rule or consequence. I don't know why this took me so long, but one day it occurred to me that when I was doing "motherhood for real" raising my kids, I didn't feel the need to explain everything - "because I said so" was adequate for them, and so now it's something that my husband hears often.

 

Another example of where thinking "maternally" was a game changer was when it came to how hard I was spanking. In a maternal spanking, a boy is being spanked by a woman who is larger than him and stronger than him. For my husband to experience that same thing, given that he is twice my size and way stronger than me, that means that what I was considering a severe spanking was probably too weak even for a warm-up. This has changed my technique, instruments, and positions; but now to my husband’s surprise I am able to get him to the feeling of genuinely being overwhelmed by the spanking. (Ladies, I know that we often are afraid to spank too hard, but once you really think through proportionally how much larger your husband is compared to a boy, you might realize that you can and should spank much, much, much harder and not feel bad about it at all.)

 

 I could go on and on, because once I had this epiphany about what maternal really means, I have discovered dozens and dozens of small things over the years that have helped me better deliver the "maternal" that he was craving and needs, and it's been surprising that it's not all aesthetics (although that is important).

 

One note for the wives out there - your husband might be able to articulate, generally, what "maternal" means, but it wasn't until I got very intentional about thinking about all of these little details (and often springing them on him rather than giving him a ton of input) that we really seemed to achieve the maternal dynamic that he wanted - and that, truth be told, makes DD easier, less stressful, and more satisfying for me too.

 

I certainly fall into the camp of knowing I gravitate toward a DD relationship with a maternal vibe, yet I struggle to articulate exactly what that entails.   

 

So, this post is in large part an invitation for Mrs.Turpin to expand on her epiphany about maternal-style discipline and the insights she came to when drilling down into the concept.

 

My inability to articulate exactly what I think a “maternal”-orientation entails is reflected in the spanking Anne gave me this week.

 

I often think what I want is a very “stern mother” demeanor, yet the spanking this week felt very maternal even though she wasn’t all that stern. The best word I can come up with is “business-like”. That demeanor was reflected even in the timing of her announcement that I was going to be spanked imminently. The garage door incident had happened a few days before, and I thought she probably would spank for it, but I didn't know exactly when. On the night it actually happened,  there was something else we had planned for the evening. When I asked whether that was still the plan, she said very casually and matter-of-factly, "Yes, but we need to take care of your spanking first."

The casual but confident attitude was also on display during her usual pre-spanking lecture. This time, it was short and to the point. Anne sometimes (not always) starts a discipline session by asking me why I’m about to get spanked. Generally, I don’t really like that. She’s the one in control, so I feel it’s more effective when she tells me why she’s about to spank me.

 

This time, she began with the simple pronouncement, “You’re getting spanked for leaving the garage door open.”  She did then ask why leaving it open is a problem, but she wasn't looking for a big speech or show of contrition. I responded with a short statement about recent thefts in our neighborhood.

 

She responded, “Right. And, since we have talked about this before, your are going to get a hard spanking for it.”

 

That was really it.  Her tone was “matter of fact”. Her facial expression was neutral and business-like.

 

  

Then, she put me over her knee and gave me a hard spanking with the bath brush.  It wasn’t among her hardest or longest spankings, but it was something I might once have seen as “disproportionate” to the relatively minor offense that led to it.

 

Something about her demeanor, and our recent discussions in which I’ve said I want her to be more strict, caused me to react differently than I usually do. I wasn’t just trying to “gut it out” or “man up and get through it.”  I was, instead, trying to focus on, even as she was giving me one hard swat after another, that I was being spanked because this has, in fact, been an ongoing problem. I’d had ample warnings and even been spanked for it before. So, a hard spanking was appropriate and perfectly in line with what I’ve said should happen. In short, I was trying harder than I usually do to fully accept that I was being spanked because I deserved it and that it should be a hard spanking.

 

All that added up to a spanking that somehow felt more maternal.

 

My reaction also may have been different because I’ve been increasingly open with myself, and with Anne, about the extent to which the maternal element is something I want, even if I don’t understand exactly why I want it or even what exactly it is that I want. 

 

It also may not be a coincidence that I had recently visited the town where I attended high school and that those were the years in which I was probably the most in need of strong discipline.

 

Anne knows that I feel like I didn't experience enough real discipline at that stage and that I want, or think I want, more of it now. And, based on the conversations we've had, I think she genuinely likes taking on more of that maternal role. 

 

And, not just because it's good for me.  There's a heavy element of, yes, it probably is good for me in the sense that I feel like I need it, but it's also good for me in the sense that I've had it coming for a very long time, it's good for me regardless of whether I want it, and she is very happy to give me exactly what I need and deserve.

Although I’ve been thinking more about this need for “maternal-style” discipline for a couple of years now, it’s surprising that it was not something I keyed in on when I first discovered domestic discipline via The Disciplinary Wives  Club website; surprising because it was featured prominently on the homepage, which stated:

 

The Disciplinary Wives Club (DWC) is an organization whose purpose is to encourage the application of "Good Old Fashioned" spanking and other very traditional methods of discipline by wives and committed partners. It is our experience that the vast majority of relationships that have a maternal discipline orientation are truly happy, healthy and long lasting.

 

There were blurbs in the DWC pamphlets that were much more explicit as to the dynamic the DWC advocated, among them:

 

 “Remember when you were a child, was discipline or punishment fun? No. So you must think of punishment as something which will have the effect of making him think quite a while before challenging you again.  And keep in mind that he is not, in fact, a small child. He is a grown man and needs an extensive spanking.”

 

“You will have to learn to obey her and to do so cheerfully. I recommend to the wives that they avoid “play sessions” at first, until you have come to realize what her punishment sessions really mean.  First, you have to learn that she can spank you until you are a “sorry little boy,” who wishes those spankings would be over a whole lot sooner.”

 

“You asked your wife to please take over your discipline.  You have empowered her to assume the maternal role and have agreed to take the child role with respect to discipline.  You want, more than anything else, for her to be powerful, assertive and in control.”

 

“You will have to put up with closer supervision than you are used to, and she will demand answers and evidence of your performance.  This is perfectly normal and how it is supposed to be. If you feel resentful about this or don’t want that kind of accountability, remember how maternal discipline occurs in a ‘child -parent’ situation. The child cannot simply wiggle out of his mother’s watchful eye. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit that when you get your spankings, it is that bratty little boy part of you who is getting it.

 

I honestly don’t know when I first started consciously exploring how much my own desire for DD was based in a desire for maternal-style discipline. My first post that involved much personal reflection about it was in 2019, after I’d been blogging about DD for over six years, and Anne and I had been practicing DD for much longer than that.

 

It is only in the last few years that either of us consciously took things in that direction. But, I think we both may have been dancing around it for a while.  Surprisingly, until recently in my mind I was the one who started taking things in that direction, but when I look back on some older blog posts, I realize that Anne actually may have been inching toward it before me.

 

A few years back, when we were briefly experimenting with more of what I would call “service” domination, she said something to the effect of she liked that giving me orders reduced me to a little boy who has no choice but to do what he is told. 

 

 

Sometime after that, she compared me to a teenager who mischievously pushes buttons just to do it, then is surprised when mom finally does something about it.  And, she said it knowing that getting my butt blistered for sassing my mother wasn't a part of my actual teenage experience.

 

 

Those kinds of statements kicked off more open discussions about it, though it's never been as explicit as the arrangement it sounds like Mrs.Turpin and her husband have, so I look forward to hearing more about their dynamic.

 

I would add one caveat about my sense of my own needs in this area:  For me, I think what I crave is structure and authority, but it’s not wholly confined to “female” authority. Although I’ve been very resistant to male authority in work settings, that wasn’t the case in school, and I also think that in more domestic settings I might respond as strongly to male discipline as to female. Perhaps even more so, because I think the feeling that the discipline was being imposed on me whether I liked it or not might be even stronger.  

 

 

But, that’s another thing that may be changing. I feel like what I need and want now does have a more distinctly maternal vibe that it did back in 2019, when my post on this subject said that I felt I needed “an” authority figure and not necessarily a “maternal” authority figure.  And, although I think I might have given into any authority outside of work, I do think pretty much any older woman would have had a good chance of making me submit to a spanking had that been on offer.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this. 

 

And, lest we take all this talk of mothers too seriously, I've been wanting to use this one for a while, and this seems like as good a time as any: