Spanking and Being Spanked When Angry (Club Meeting 541)

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." – Mark Twain.

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you had a great week. Mine was uneventful, which is actually a great thing given today’s date.  As I write this, we are 10 days into the new year, which according to conventional wisdom is about the time all those New Years resolutions fall apart, not to be referenced again for another 355 days. 

 

Yet (knock on wood), I’m still pretty much on track.  I had one day where I went out to lunch with a friend and my resolve to eat nothing fried and have zero beers feel apart. But, it wasn’t like a major fail.  I’ve worked out or done lots of hiking in the mountains every day.

 

The only downside to that is the Domestic Discipline aspect of our relationship is so off-track right now.  Between the surgery and both of us being wiped out by the flu at year-end, it’s been almost three months with it being completely off the table.  Not that I’m missing being spanked.  I’m not. But, I am missing the dynamic as a whole. 

 

But, it is, of course, inevitable that something will happen that results in me being over her knee. (Or, for the next month or so, maybe bent over the bed.)  And, I feel like we’re both finally getting back to a more normal existence, after a less-than-ideal cycle in which things just weren’t normal at all.

 

 

Things not being quite back to normal did give me some time, however, to complete a little project I’ve been thinking about for a while. If you look under the blog title and description, you’ll note some new tabs.  Upon clicking on those tabs, you’ll find a huge amount of the content from the Disciplinary Wives Club website, including Aunt Kay’s “Tips & Method”, all of the Fiction Stories, and all but a tiny number of the Real People stories.  (I left out two or three that were more like letters to Aunt Kay regarding the stuff sold in the DWC’s store or otherwise weren’t really “stories” per se.)

 

It took a lot longer than I’d anticipated to move all of it over, though some of that is my own fault. In addition to resolving all the formatting issues copying the material from the archived DWC website on the Wayback machine to Word and then into Blogger, I also couldn’t resist the temptation to read each entry and scrub or the most obvious typos and glaring grammatical problems.  After almost 30 years of editing written work product, I just couldn’t resist doing some clean up. 

 

I also did a fairly substantial re-write on my own Tips & Methods section.

 

Finally, you may (or may not) have noticed the new blog title and description. As I told Al in a recent comment, when I created this blog, I was conscientious—maybe to a fault—about trying not to step on any toes where the DWC was concerned. But, especially since Kay's passing, her husband “Jerry” has maintained that I should do what I want with any of that content. In an ideal world, he'd like to see a real club arise again, and I think he's always been a little disappointed that leading a group the way Kay did just isn't Anne's thing.  But, I would like to ensure that the best of its content remain genuinely accessible. Although archived editions of the DWC website are available on the Wayback Machine, I’m guessing 95% of the potential audience for the DWC content have never even heard of that web archive and would have no idea how to access it.

 

Moreover, I think the highest and best use for both that content and this blog may be making sure that content is fully available and on an existing platform that interested people can actually find because it regularly pops up in Google searches.  So, at this point, I feel pretty good about importing the main sections of the DWC website over to here, so they are available to the widest group possible.  I’m also hopeful the new title may bring a few more female participants back into the fold.

 

 

Anyway . . . thanks for those of us who participated in last week’s discussion, which centered on experiences asking for a DD relationship and advice to those who think they want to ask their spouses to give it a try.  I was a little surprised at the number of people who had tried to ask but been rejected or were kind of limping along trying to get it off the ground.  I hope they all keep trying and have better luck in the future.

 

As for this week, it’s only the second week of January and I’m already kind of struggling to come up with new topics.  Having nothing else in mind, I decided to leverage one of Al’s comments from last week, which discussed spanking when one or both parties are angry.  We’ve talked about spanking when angry before, but it’s been over a year, and Al’s comment focused not just on spankings that happen when the spanker is angry but the practicalities of spanking when the spankee also is angry and not in a good place mentally/emotionally to cooperate:

 

“I recall that very early on we discovered that her deciding to spank me in the middle of a "serious real fight" was not practical. Although she would certainly be ready to immediately resolve any such issue with the paddle, we both understood that it was unrealistic to assume that I would be able to submit to a paddling when tempers were running hot on both sides.

 

During our first couple of months, we got into it hot and heavy one afternoon (when the kids were out) - and after a short while, she ordered me to go get the paddle. At the moment, I was genuinely angry (and we are both naturally alpha at heart) and refused (and rather rudely at that). Fortunately, my wife was wise enough to understand my state of mind - and did not let it derail our DWC lifestyle. At the moment, she said she was going out shopping for a while and we would talk when she got back. When she returned, she immediately asked if I was ready for my spanking now. I had calmed down and consented, had my rear thoroughly blistered - and then we had a talk in which we came to an agreement that if I was genuinely too angry to accept a spanking during an intense (angry) argument, that I could respectfully request a postponement till I calmed down - but there would be a penalty attached to that (double whacks, an additional spanking later that day or the next, etc).

 

I did have to ask for a postponement a few times over the early years - and on occasion she would avoid the situation and tell me that I would be spanked later. One of my goals, however, as a disciplined husband was to come to the point where I would never have to ask for a postponement - and take the spanking even if "I was not in the place for a spanking" or if "we were not in a good place". And, I was able to do that over the years - and have not had to ask for a postponement in recent years.

 

Ideally, in a DD relationship, the disciplined spouse could never refuse discipline - just as a child would not be able to refuse a spanking (our much discussed illusion of consensual non-consent). However, in the real world of hot-headed adults, that possibility always exists - whether we want to acknowledge that or not - so probably best to have some sort of plan in place of that situation (in the "contract") so as not to damage the DWC dynamic in the home.

 

I will add that our regimen of weekly maintenance spankings has always helped maintain the disciplinary wife mentality - and the habit of spanking - in our home. Which helps keep me in a state of mind in which I am more likely to accept a spanking without question (even in a tense situation).”

 

Everything Al said about how spanking in anger/spanked when angry probably has to work in the real world makes sense to me.  Yet, it’s not a scenario I’ve dealt with very often, if at all.  His scenario  involves the following parts: (a) a serious fight; (b) during which the wife orders a spanking; (c) the husband is too angry to accept one and, therefore, refuses; (d) so, the wife lets him simmer down a bit and then spanks him.

 

Anne and I have had serious fights, but that’s where the scenario begins and ends for us.  First, it has really never happened that Anne and I have been in a serious fight and, in response, she has ordered a spanking.  In fact, she seldom thinks (according to her) about spanking as an option when she’s super angry. 

 

Second, if she were to order one, I don’t know that I’ve ever been so angry or upset that I simply would not comply. Rather, I would probably accept it, but it would be sullen and resentful and would almost certainly leave both of us feeling even more angry and upset. Often, a spanking has a magical way of making me see her side of things, but that likely wouldn't be the case if I were super angry.

 

Third, Anne tends to stay angry longer than I do, so it’s very unlikely that in a fight she would be the voice of reason who let me simmer down and then initiated the spanking after cooler heads had prevailed.

 

 

Alan suggested a couple of weeks ago that I try to provide more female perspective on a topic, including possibly interviewing Anne about it. I think it’s a great idea, though I’m going to have to think about how to handle that logistically.  The challenge is, many weeks (like this one), I do not have an advance flash on inspiration and often settle on a topic only at the very last minute.  So, I may have to get her opinion on a topic only after I’ve posted it.  However, if we have addressed similar topics in the past, I will try to pull up comments from Disciplinary Wife commenters.

 

I couldn’t find much in the comments I’ve culled and curated about what should happen when the husband is the angry one.  In fact, I didn’t find many Disciplinary Wife comments regarding spanking and anger, but I did find this one:

 

“Yes, I have and do spank when I'm angry. Sometimes I don't get over the anger quickly, and he has a spanking coming asap, so he gets it asap.

 

If we're out and he really does something that warrants discipline I let him know he's going over my knee when we get home, and he does. The ride home can calm my anger, some or all, but I'm still as stern as ever. If I do calm down, right before the spanking I make sure he knows what he did to earn the trip over my lap, and explaining the issue to him, or making him tell me himself, can get me going again. Either way, I don't want him able to sit comfortably for a good while afterward.

 

If I'm upset or angry and it's pretty much an immediate spanking, then I'm usually spanking his bottom on every word as I scold. I also tend to concentrate on the thighs and lower bottom.

 

(I love that RedRump's wives often show genuine anger!)

 I'm also very much aware, and amazed, at the complete lack of resistance, backtalk, negotiating or even apologies when I'm angry and announce the spanking he's getting. I'm sure he's nervous, afraid even, and doesn't want to make it worse by even attempting to say something inappropriate.

My husband has learned "resistance is futile" and not smart at these times. I can literally bark out one-word commands, and they are followed in silence.

 

For example, once he made me very angry and was going to be spanked. I ordered him as follows and he complied. (FYI), it was a serious issue and had to be dealt with.)

 

“Upstairs!” (Husband quickly went up those stairs, looking back as I followed, removing my belt.)

 

“Strip completely!” (I stood, strap in hand, watching him strip nude.)

 

“Face Down!” I pointed to the bed with my belt.

 

I then whipped his little butt and thighs good!

 

“Get Up!”

 

“Brush!” I pointed toward the dresser. He did as told, bringing me the brush, and then stood rubbing his bottom as I scolded his behavior.

 

“Over my knee!” I locked his legs and held his wrist.

 

I proceeded to beat his strapped backside; he really got the spanking of his life!

 

As my husband yelled, pleaded and promised, it was one of the few times he teared up and cried a little.” – Shannon

 

Because Anne often doesn’t think of spanking when she’s very angry, or it gets ordered after she has settled down, it’s been very rare that I’ve gotten spanked when she is in the kind of mood that “Shannon” describes.  But, were it to happen, I suspect I’d feel kind of overwhelmed by the display and would be very compliant.

 

A somewhat different perspective on anger came from Elizabeth, who emphasized that one of the big benefits of Domestic Discipline is its tendency to reduce anger:

 

“For us, and to me this is an important point, DD has REDUCED the anger in our marriage by an exponential degree. That is possibly the most important benefit -- that I do not feel resentful about his behavior! Why would I possibly want to feel the anger that some of you describe? Anger is an unhealthy emotion that does not feel good at all, in my opinion.

 

Do I vent while spanking and scolding? Yes! Do I sometimes feel relieved and calm after paddling Frank? Yes. So, I feel I get the benefits without the detriments of anger: flushed, rapid heartbeat, anxiety, and most of all, distance from my husband.

 

I guess I just don't have the control of some of the wives described here who can flip their anger on and off like a light switch. To me, and to everyone I have ever seen get angry, it doesn't work that way. I'd love to hear from a wife who can actually do that rather than having her feelings interpreted through her spanked husband.” – Elizabeth

 

I seem to recall that ZM has talked about how his wife can seemingly turn her anger off entirely, then turn it back on when it is spanking time.  That’s not a personality trait Anne or I have.  When she gets mad, it lasts a while and is on full display.

 

This isn’t a Disciplinary Wife comment, but Aunt Kay’s husband offered what I thought was a common sense retort to those who advise against ever spanking in anger:

 

“I don't think it makes any sense to set things up that a woman should not spank in anger. I understand the reasoning. But what could possibly be more therapeutic for her and a more completely genuine experience for him than ‘completing the scene’ in real time?

 

I understand about the waiting, and anticipating, and all that. And handling things that way absolutely belongs in a DWC wife's bag of options. But there is something really compelling and pure about the real thing in real time.” – Tomy (Jerry)

 

Although I have very little experience with it, I do think I understand what he means about a “more completely genuine experience” and there being something compelling about “the real thing in real time.” In fact, I can see how the experience of her expressing her anger in real time would make for a more genuine experience for both parties, though I can also see who it would be very likely to be one of those "be careful what you wish for" things as well.

Coincidentally, he sent me a video a few weeks ago that kind of illustrates what I think he’s talking about.  I’ll put it in the comments, since Blogger tends to block links in the post.

 

What are your thought on anger and spanking? Have you ever been too angry to comply with a spanking order or demand?  How did that work out? Does your wife have a way of dealing with it when you are angry when she decides you need to be spanked?  Is her way of dealing with it consistent with or different from the way you think it should be dealt with?

 

How about the wife spanking in anger?  Does your wife spank when she’s angry?  How does that affect the severity, length, or other quality of the spanking, if at all? 

 

Does it change your emotional reaction to the spanking?  

 

If she does spank you when she’s angry, does the spanking actually cause the anger to go away or dissipate?

 

 

I hope you all have a great week.