The Forum - New Year's Eve 2014 Special Edition

Season's Greetings one and all. I hope you've had great holiday, and I hope you enjoy the waning hours of 2014.  Safely and responsibly.

A common theme that unites many couples practicing Domestic Discipline is self-improvement and, for the Disciplinary Wives, giving their hubbies and significant others that extra little motivation required to address all those nagging little behavior problems.  Which fits in very nicely with that New Year's tradition -- making resolutions.

I like resolutions.  I like setting goals. I know I won't always hit them, but it's amazing what you can accomplish over time if you are able to improve incrementally day by day, week by week, year by year. On the other hand, I admit to being a little depressed when I look back at old blog and journal entries and realize that I seem to wrestle with some of the same challenges year after year.  But, hope springs eternal and, therefore, here are a few of my resolutions for 2015, some focused on general improvement and others related more specifically to our Domestic Discipline lifestyle.  I also have provided a list of resolutions that I am going to ask my wife to adopt, since ultimately my success in carrying out my resolutions may prove to be a function of that extra motivation she supplies to my upturned bottom.

In the spirit of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours . . ." here goes. I invite you to share your resolutions and those you would like to see applied to you, for your and her benefit, by your Disciplinary Wife (or husband for our few Disciplined Wives).

General Resolutions

 I hereby resolve to:

• have fewer Saturdays spent regretting my Friday work-related socializing
• earn to better control my temper at work
• nurture those important relationships, both work and personal, that sometimes don't get the time or attention they deserve
• Exit 2015 in better physical shape than I entered into it, as measured by pant size, blood pressure, strength and endurance

Domestic Discipline Resolutions

I hereby resolve to:

• self-report any infractions at least weekly
• empower my wife to grow in her disciplinary authority, including by showing more outward signs of submission to her control
• during spankings, instead of "taking it like a man," try hard to let go all ego and control, surrendering totally to her authority

The Forum - Vol. 71

Hi all.  Can't you just feel 2014 winding down.  I hate to speak ill of the almost departed, but I have to admit, it has seemed like a challenging year in a lot of ways.  And while the holidays usually are my favorite time of year, this time they kind of snuck up on me, and work seems to be accelerating as we go into year-end, while all I really want is to veg out in front of a the Christmas tree with a big glass of wine.  But, some years are like that and, despite presenting some challenges, my nuclear family all made it through the year in one piece and in relatively good health and spirits.  And, that alone is much to be thankful for.

On to this week's question, which I offer in the spririt of the season (I also apologize in advance to those of our readers who don't celebrate Christmas):  Have you ever given or received a spanking or DD-themed Christmas gift?  And, what spanking  or DD gift would you most like to find under your tree Christmas morning?  At our house, Mrs. Disciplined Hubby will be getting a new rubber strap in her stocking.  While it is a practical gift, I suspect she will like it much more than a new frying pan.

I may take a break next week in honor of the Holiday Season, so here is wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 70

Hi all.  Sorry for the late start.  It's been a crazy couple of days, including some things that kept me busy and unable to post until now.  So, let's get to it.

This week's topic is a follow-up to last week's, which focused on tears.  Respecting Mistress suggested this related question:   

What happens in the relationships where the husband does end up weeping? What kind of reaction does he get from his wife? How does his wife feel seeing him weeping? Is there any loss of respect from him - or does increase with her knowing he's taken his punishment. How does he feel towards her for 'breaking' him?" 

Let's broaden a litte so it is not quite as focused on tears.  For those who have been brought to tears, "broken," or otherwise brought to an actual surrender to your wife's authority in a way that hadn't occurred until the, what was the effect of that on both of you?  How did you feel?  Happy?  Peaceful? Or, was there any resentment or a new sense of respect tinged with some fear or anxiety?  Wives, how did you feel the first time you saw that unmistakable evidence that you had really gontten your point across?

Sorry again for the delayed start.   

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 69

Hello all.

I hope you had a great week and have girded yourselves to brave the holiday shopping crowds.  I am so far behind this year, I'm dreading walking around aimlessly, hoping that the one great gift for each person in my life will just magically present itself, thereby saving me from resorting to the dreaded gift card.  Given my behavior, I know what I should be getting, repeatedly, before, during and after Christmas, if Santa Claus really does separate us into Naughty and Nice groupings.

We have now closed another poll, and this one has a special resonance for me.  The topic was tears, specifically, have you ever been brought to tears by an adult spanking.  And, if so, was it just a few small tears of full-blown sobbing.  The results are:

No	49 (48%)
Yes - only a few tears	26 (25%)
Yes - real sobbing	27 (26%)

Once again, our poll results are somewhat counter to what I would have predicted.  I have always suspected that if there was one area where disciplinary fantasy disconnects from disciplinary reality, it probably was crying.  Reading about "real" disciplinary spankings in forums like the Disciplinary Wives Club, one would think that vritually every well-delivered disciplinary spanking leave the husband racked with sobs and free-flowing tears.  Yet, the last time we covered this topic (early in the history of this blog), most of the commenters indicated they had not been brought to tears.  We now have a bit more critical mass, and the results above may be a little more indicative of what happens in real life, and I am a little suprised that the distibution is almost 50-50 between the tearful and non-tearful.  I also am very surprised that over a quarter of respondents say they have been reduced to real sobs.

I said this topic has some special resonance for me.  To such an extent that the prospect of crying was probably the most significant driver of the emotional reaction I had when I discovered the DWC website.  The stories of men being brought to tears over their wives knees fascinated me and had an undeniable attraction, but it was an attraction that was also utterly and completely terrifying.  The thought of letting go of control so thoroughly that I would sob in front of my wife while she paddled me was anxiety-inducing to an extent that is really hard to over-estimate.   Yet, the prospect of experiencing that kind of catharsis was also a major impetus for my decision to broach the topic of DD with her.  But, in doing so, I really did half-hope that she would not be interested, because the prospect of being brought to tears just terrified me so much.

So, here we are many years later, and I still have not cried, even as the result of spankings that I think anyone would acknowledge fall into the "severe" range.  While it is all speculation on my part, I think there are many things that account for it, including:  (1) I have a lead bottom and a weirdly high pain threshold; (2) my wife doesn't do a lot of stern lecturing beforehand, which might reduce mey resistance emotionally before the spanking even starts; (3) deep-seated fear of embarrassment that keeps me from quite letting go fully and completely; (4) spankings that are severe in terms of impact but not always in terms of duration, because my bottom starts to bleed (usually very minor, but enough that it makes her stop).

Alan alluded to that last one in his comment yesterday, as I do think that one thing that would help me get to the point of actual release is the prospect that a spanking that I am already having a hard time taking is likely to go on, and on and on.  I also think the choice of tool can be important, because some of our bigger, "thuddier" paddles tend to make my bottom go numb pretty quickly, which is counter-productive.

Alan also talked about his wife's reaction to tears and that she not only is comfortable with him crying but encourages it.  My wife and I have discussed this several times, and I think her attitude has progressed a lot as she has become more comfortable in her role, going from acknowledging that my crying might disturb her because it it shows is hurting me "too much," to getting over that and being OK if I do cry at some point, to mildly disappointed that it has not happened yet.

So, with that very long-winded opening, tell us your situation, hopes and fears where tears are concerned.  Have you been brought to tears?  Would you like to be?  If you have, were there certain things that enabled you to get there? If not, what do you think is holding you back?

I hope you all have a great week.

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 68

Hi all.  I hope all of our U.S. readers had a great Thanksgiving, including time off with friends and family.

So, I got a little testy with a fellow blogger this week who had a post suggestion that "repeated spankings" were an indication that the DD relationship was "just a game," and going on at length  about what he saw as the supposed irrationality of adult spankings.  And criticizing one commenter for wanting to be reduced to a sobbing mess, while this same blogger has posted about hs own desire to be "broken."  But, perhapsn I am being to harsh.  What was it Hobbes said about "a foolish consistency . . ."? 

But, as someone who has gone through the process of discovering DD and overcoming my trepidation about asking for it, then watching what it has done for us and for my wife's growing sense of empowerment in particular, I tend to get a little annoyed by people who haven't actually experienced it but feel free to cut loose with criticisms and opinions regarding motivations that they themselves have not felt and, therefore, don't understand.  It is especially annoying when the criticism comes from segments of the Femdom community who insist DD is "just a game," as in a spanking fetish, or in some way irrational or weird, while their own relationships are just as out of step with adult norms and tend to come dressed up with all sorts of "weird" accoutrements that they see as totally rational. 

Whatever.

But, my biggest annoyance is with myself for responding in anger and doing it on someone else's blog.  I really need to stop doing that, because in the end, people can voice whatever opinions they want on their own blog, well-informed or otherwise.  Which, is why I stopped short of saying some of the above as a comment on his blog but now feel free to say it on mine.

But, there was a serious question lurking in that post that got me riled:  If you do find yourself being spanked repeatedly for the same offense, why is that?  Is it because for you DD really IS just a game?   Could there be a part of you that doesn't want the behavior to stop because the spankings might stop?  Or, maybe the bad behavior is a long-term habit that you can't break despite your best efforts?  Perhaps your wife keeps moving the bar and applying discipline for smaller variations of the offense?  Or, perhaps the discipline is not hard enough, long enough or consistent enough to give you the incentive you need to really stop. 

So, what is keeping you stuck in that bad behavioral rut that DD won't fix?  Or, have you had that problem in the past but figured out a way to deal with it?

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 67

Hi all.  I hope you all had a good week.  I'm in th middle of a major storm at work, so I apologize in being less than thorough and prompt in responding to comments last week.  I will try to remedy that over the weekend.

In the meatime, this week's topic relates to one of our recent polls, which asked about who initiated the disciplinary relationship.  Like the poll on the ages at which people start DD, this one was, in a word, lopsided:

Discipline receiver	107 (84%)
Discipline giver	20 (15%)

 Unlike the poll on ages, however, this one doesn't surprise me.  And, the results are reinfoced by many of the comments from last week regarding DD "surprises," many of which talked about the fact that the male initieated the DD relationship, but the female soon became an enthusiastic participant.

One thing that does amuse me a bit about these results is it does suggest that a lot of the stories out there regarding DD beginnings, including unfortunately much of the content from the old Disciplinary Wives Club, is probably more fantasy than reality, as many of the stories involve the wives initiating the DD or FLR relationship in response to exasperation with the husband's behavior, but our poll results suggest that instances of female-initiated DD may be few and far between>

So, this week, give us any thoughts you may have on why the numbers are so lopsided.  Why is is usually the man initiating, particularly given all the advantages DD seems to hold for the women, and also given the leaps and bounds women have made in recent years when it comes to assertiveness in the workplace and hte professional world.  Also, take a moment to share your own initiation story and most importantly why you--be you reciver or giver in the DD relationship--initiated.

Have a great week!

Dan

The Forum - Weekly Topic #66 and New Poll

Hi all.  Off to a bit of a slow start this morning.  So, let's get to it.

First, thanks to Fred, George, Katie, Leigh, RB, JJ, Abby and an Anonymous poster for participating in our first  Love our Lurkers event here at the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  I may do some less formal invitations from time to time if helps make some of our regular but silent visitors more comfortable with participating. 

This week's topic comes from an anonymous commenter on last week's topic. I had intended to use it in a week or two, but I decided to jump right tto it this week, as I think it is is a really great one.  Here it is, as she wrote it:

"What surprised you about the way the DD or FLR relationship turned out? What happened that you didn't expect or didn't happen that you did expect?  In my case, I would list several. I expected that I would feel guilty about spanking my husband. I didn't. I didn't expect to enjoy giving a spanking. I do (and I sometimes feel guilty about that). I didn't expect us both to get a restless feeling when too much time passed without any behavior that deserved a spanking. We undertook it with the idea of it changing him. I have probably changed more than he has."

Those last two sentences really resonate with me in terms of how our relationship has progressed, but I'll go into that a bit later.  In the meantime, please tell us all about the role the unexpected has played in your DD journey.

Also, I've posted a new reader poll that addresses a topic that has always inspitred both dread and fascination in me: being spanked to actual tears.  If it wasn't clear, this poll is aimed at spanking receivers, as I don't really care whether someone who does not actually get disciplinary or punishment spankings has never been broght to tears by one.  We'll talk about this one after the poll results are in.

Have a great weekend.

Dan

Love Our Lurkers

Hi all.  Welcome to the 9th Annual Love Our Lurkers day.  In a nutshell, it is a day for us to celebrate, and encourage, all those who drop by our blogs regularly but never leave a comment.  For a more fulsome explanation of the concept, please to to Hermione's wonderful blog:  http://hermionesheart.blogspot.de/2014/10/love-our-lurkers-days-are-coming-soon.html.  While I encourage our lurkers to take give our weekly topics a try, on Love our Lurkers day, any comment will do.  Just stop by and say hi. 

To give you an idea of the ratio between lurkers and active commenters, we probably have about a dozen of the latter (if that), but this blog is up to around 800 visitors a day, with close to 1400 last Saturday.

So, please drop us a line!

The Forum Weekly #65

Hi all.  Hope you had a great week. Our discussions from the last two weeks had an interesting dynamic. While last week's topic was focused on what the women in our lives get out of DD, the topic from two weeks ago--pre-spanking orgasms and removing the sexual aspect from the discipline--kept spilling into the new topic.  It obviously held a lot of interest for a lot of people, and it's great that the discussion took on a life of its own.

As for this week, I had some time by myself last night, and I thought that maybe I should get a  jump on our weekly topic, so I could free up some time on what was going to be a busy Saturday.  I was even thinking about posting it on Friday night so more visitors would have a chance to get to it early on their Saturdays, especially our surprisingly large contingent of visitors from the UK.  (The whole "English Vice" thing might be a topic to explore in the future.)

But, my plans to get an early start on the post were frustrated by an impenetrable case of writer's block.  Really more like "topic block."  I keep a running list of possible topics, but for some reason none of them had the slightest appeal, or they were things  I wanted to lay the groundwork for with some reader polling before  jumping into the discussion.  In any event, I gave up, hoping that inspiration would hit me over night.  In a way it did, but we'll see if others feel this is a topic worth exploring, since the last time I tried a variation of it, it kind of flopped.  But, we have a larger, more engaged group of contributors now, so maybe it will generate at least a little interest.

The topic is a little nebulous (intentionally so) but it focuses on spreading the word about the advantages of domestic discipline, and also about whether we suspect there are others in our lives who are already practicing either DD or some kind of Female Led Relationship.

Let's start with the former.  When I started this blog, it was really about satisfying my own need to communicate. But, I admit that I do sometimes have higher ambitions for it, such as hoping that it does entice someone somewhere who isn't currently in an FLR or DD relationship to try domestic discipline, similar to the role the Disciplinary Wives Club played for me.  I am a genuine believer in the value of DD and its ability to change the dynamic in a marriage in a very positive way.  For that reason, I have from time to time felt a compulsion to tell others about it.  To date, there is only one person who I have told directly and openly about our lifestyle.   I told her for the most part because we were close friends and it was just one of those relationship things that came out.  But, I also had the zeal of the convert at that stage and felt the need to do some evangelizing.

So, part of this week's topic is, are there people in your life who you would really like to tell about DD, even if you don't think you ever would in real life?  Maybe a couple who is struggling and the dynamic is such that her taking some control over him might help?  Maybe you have a stressed-out, controlling Alpha co-worker who could profit from having to surrender to some wifely power?  Maybe you have a female friend or co-worker who could grow leaps and bounds if she would take up the paddle or hairbrush and use it liberally to assert herself over her spouse?  And, to make this a little more fun, if you did want to let these people know about the advantages of DD, any thoughts on how you might go about doing that, stealthily or otherwise?

And, conversely, are there people in your life who you think may already be in an FLR or DD relationship?  If so, what makes you suspect it?

Have a great week!  Also, my case of writer's block really was frustrating, so please pitch in with any ideas for future topics.  I do realize that at some point we just have to live with recycling topics, but I'm not sure we are quite at that point yet.

Dan

The Forum - Weekly Topic #63

Hi all.  Happy belated Halloween!  I hope you all had a great time last night, whether with the kids or engaged in more "adult" activities.

I thought we had a great discussion last week.  Some of the couples have clearly taken discipline to that "next" level, where it is all about the discipline and punishment, with most of the eroticism removed.  At least for the person on the receiving end of the paddle or strap or cane.

And that brings us to this week's topic.  Things like requiring an orgasm before discipline or denying sex afterward are clearly designed to make sure that a disciplinary spanking is really punishment.  But, that is from the receiver's perspective.  What about the giver?  What does the Disciplinary Wife get out of the disciplinary relationship, and is it based at all in sex or eroticism?  And, does it change over time? For example, maybe a wife starts out in DD by complying, somewhat skeptically and tentatively, with her husband's request to be disciplined.  Maybe it begins with her trying to give him what he thinks he needs or what she thinks will help the marriage.  That's the way it started out for us.  But, over time, that has changed.  While I don't think my Disciplinary Wife fits into the category of "Sadist," because I don't think she enjoys inflicting pain or watching someone else receive it, over time she has very much to come to enjoy the power associated with directing me to go to the basement, strip naked, and present myself for a spanking.  And, while most of her delight in it seems to be connected to the exercise of power and authority, it does increasingly have a sexual component.

But, for others, perhaps the desire to dominate and exercise authority has been there from the beginning. And, a few are true Sadists.

So, what motivates your disciplinary wife to be that disciplinarian, and what keeps them at it year after year.  And, how has it changed over time, if at all?

Have a great weekend!

Dan

The Forum - Weekly Topic #62

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week and are out enjoying the October weather.  I am getting off to a bit of a slow start today, so let's get to it. 

This week's topic is about sex. Got your attention, didn't I? 

But, I'm about to spoil it.  Instead of talking about sex and DD, let's talk about efforts to remove the sexual component from discipline?  Is sex inextricably bound up in your disciplinary efforts or, on the other hand, have you tried to remove it in order to make the discipline just that -- discipline.  For example, do you ban sex after a spanking?  Some people also advocate "milking", i.e. requiring masturbation before the spanking in order to remove the sexual component from the spanking itself and to remove the sex as an offset to the pain of a real disciplinary spanking.

So, let us know what efforts, if any, you make to segregate spanking and sex.

Have a great week.

Dan

New Poll: Who Got This Party Started

Folks, just a quick note.  I have posted a new poll.  This one is the essence of simplicity.  For those who are in a domestic discipline relationship, who initiated it -- the party receiving the discipline or the party giving it?  Given this blogs orientation toward F/m disciplinary relationships, the receiver would usually be the male and the giver the woman, but I didn't want exclude responses from those visitors who may be practicing M/f domestic discipline.  And, I would like to keep this one focused on DD, not spanking in general, because the relationship dynamics may be very different and, for this poll, I'm interested in hearing from those who are practicing DD, not spanking for purely erotic or entertainment purposes.

Dan

The Forum - Weekly Topic #61

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week and are enjoying what is proving to be, in my neck of the woods, a really gorgeous Autumn. 

Our poll related to professions is closed, so let's make that the subject of this week's Forum.  The results are in, and they are:

Doctor/Medical Provider	3 (2%)
Lawyer	13 (12%)
Accountant	4 (3%)
Teacher	5 (4%)
Other Profession	14 (13%)
Business Executive	12 (11%)
Business Non-Executive	5 (4%)
Engineer/Technology	17 (15%)
Business Owner	16 (14%)
Other	18 (16%)

Admittedly, this poll was about as unscientific as it could possibly be, suffering from among other things, a small sample size, a self-selected set of respondents, selection bias on the part of its author in choosing the categories, and probably a host of other problems that a trained statistician could point out.   But, even with a sample of only 107 self-selected respondents, a few interesting points worth discussing emerge.

First, members of the medical community either are not very interested in domestic discipline, do not visit domestic discipline or spanking oriented blogs very often, or are very shy when it comes to filling out polls.  I am, I admit, a bit puzzled by that one, because I have always believed that DD appeals to a lot of Alpha Males and guys with "control freak" tendencies or high-pressure jobs, and the medical profession seems to be chock full of those.  Or maybe I'm just projecting the attributes that seem to drive my own DD-oriented needs onto others.

Among those who are into DD, lawyers, business executives and business owners are over represented.  I also am a little surprised at how many engineers and technology professionals are represented, as I don't associate that group with the Alpha Male and "controller" archetypes that I usually associate with DD.  But, again, that observation may be, and likely is, no more than my own biases shining through.  Of course, the biggest problem with this poll is that the percentages may not reflect relative interest or participation in DD as much as being in a profession or personal situation that lends itself to having time and freedom to explore the blogosphere and find things like our Disciplined Husbands Forum.

Finally, "other" and "other professional" are, in combination, the largest block of respondents.  Which could indicate either that we have a very diverse group of visitors to this blog or that I did a really poor job of selecting job categories and left out one or two large segments of the DD community.

So, let's focus on that as part of this week's topic:  For those who are willing to share, what job, career or profession are YOU in, and what, if any, connection do you think there is between that job and your interest in DD?  Did the same personality factors that lead you into that career also influence your interest in DD?  For instance, if you are inclined to submit to your wife's authority, are you similarly submissive to authority at work.  Or, is the inverse true and you feel attracted to DD as a way of giving up the control you exercise on the job or, particularly for our Disciplinary Women, does exercising power and control in your marriage reflect any power dynamics in your work life?

I know that talking about jobs and professions may be sensitive for some, given that many do not want to reveal too much about themselves.  If there are sensitivities on that score (and there are for me), I would suggest posting your comment anonymously and not signing the name or pseudonym you usually use when participating in this blog. 

The Forum - Week #60

Hello all.  Happy Saturday.  Another beautiful fall day where I live.  I hope you all had a good week.  A few weeks ago, one of our community members sent me an email with a topic suggestion.  (I'm not using his name because I'm not sure whether he is OK with me doing that.)  His suggested topic is one I will use in the future, but what intrigued more was that he told me he is a success coach who incorporates spanking into his coaching sessions.

Now, setting aside that that has to be about the coolest job in the entire world, it suggested an interesting topic regarding non-traditional uses of DD.  In our household, discipline is used primarily to correct bad behavior.  I do something wrong or make Disciplinary Wife angry, and she punishes that behavior.

But, what about using spanking as a motivator for positive behavior or performance enhancement.  Maybe you need to lose some weight and aren't good at sticking to an exercise routine.

 Or maybe you didn't perform at your best in some contest, and your wife helps make sure there is a consequence for giving less than your best effort.

 Disciplinary Wife and I have talked a lot about incorporating more such "motivational discipline" into our DD lifestyle, but we never seem to really make it happen.  How about you?  Does your disciplinarian (spouse or otherwise) act as a "success coach"?  Do you want her to?

Have a great weekend.

Dan

The Forum - Week #59

Hi all.  Happy Saturday.  I hope you had a good week.  This week's topic is about corner time.  A few weeks ago we talked about chastity.  It was something Disciplinary Wife and I don't practice and in which I have no personal interest, but I still wanted to hear about it since it seems to be a part of many other couples' disciplinary routine.  Corner time is another practice frequently associated with domestic discipline, and it is another practice that we don't personally engage in.  Yet, unlike with chastity, I am intrigued by it to the point of considering asking Disciplinary Wife to work it into our relationship.  It is a little hard for us to do that, however, given our usual routine, as unlike some disciplinary couples, we have not set up a strict separation between discipline and sex.  In fact, for us, discipline usually is followed by sex, and corner time would add time to the whole process, and we are frequently already tired and needing sleep after a long week.  But, it still interests me enough to think about how we might incorporate it.

So, what role, if any, does corner time play in your relationship?  If you do engage it, is it always an after-spanking event, or do you sometimes use it independently of spanking?  What purpose does it serve?  Is it additional form of punishment?  Or maybe something designed to allow the punished party to more fully contemplate his actions and what just happened to him?  Or, is it another way for the disciplining party to exercise their control and dominance?

Have a great week.

Dan

The Forum - Topic #58

Hi all.  I hope you had a good week.  I'll probably expand on this topic a little later when I have more time, but I wanted to get it out there before my day gets busy.  The topic is about interrupting our routine to work in a well-earned disciplinary spanking.  Have you ever been ordered to leave work so your wife could discipline you?  Or, maybe you acted up at a party and your wife took you home for a quick spanking session before returning you to the party with an improved attitude?  Tell us about a time when your routine or an event was interrupted to make time for some much needed discipline.

The Forum Topic #57 - Polls Old & New

Hi all.  I hope you had a great weekend and are enjoying, for those of you in the Northern Hemisphere, a great Fall day.

This week's topic is related to my most recent poll, which focuses on viewer ages.  This topic resulted from an exchange with Susie a few weeks ago when I was bemoaning the fact that a topic on dealing with children in the context of a F/m domestic discipline household failed to generate much interest.   Susie postulated that the lack of response might be do to the fact that most of the Forum's readers are over 50 and children at home may no longer be an issue.  That seemed like a theory that really needed some testing, because I had not real basis to believe that a majority of our readers are, in fact, over 50.

So, several weeks ago I put up a poll to test that proposition.  I intended to leave it open for another week.  But, really, what is point?  While I would probably be wise to begin with the assumption that one of our Disciplinary Wives is correct, what surprises me is not that Susie was right, but the degree to which she was right.  The over-50 crowd is, by far, the largest demographic age block who reads this block or at least the largest that actually fills out the polls.  As of this morning, there were 114 votes, with the following breakdown:

21 - 30	8 (7%)
30 -40	5 (4%)
40 - 50	19 (16%)
50+	82 (71%)

If the 114 people who responded are remotely representative of the overall viewer base, then almost  3/4 of our little community is over the age of 50.  While I am not particularly surprised that the readership tilts somewhat toward the older end of the spectrum, I am very much surprised that the numbers are so skewed toward that one age group. Admittedly, some of my surprise probably comes from the fact that the vast number of people who visit the blog I run are from an age group that I actually am not in!

So, my question is, why?  Why is the demographic of those interested in the topics addressed by this blog--primarily F/m domestic discipline--so heavily tilted toward those 50 and older?  More disposable time that they use to surf the internet?  More secure in themselves and more open to alternative lifestyles?  The Baby Boomers are just more open to alternative lifestyles than the younger generations?  You have to reach a certain age to fully feel the stress and strains that lead some hard-charging career men to seek out DD as an outlet?

Also, since we are on the topic of age, tell us a little bit about where you were in life at various times when DD and/or spanking took on some meaning in your life?  When did you first become aware of your interest in it?  When was the first time you acted on that interest?  When was the first time you gave or received a real DD or punishment-oriented spanking?  How old were you when you took concrete steps toward a real DD relationship?

I'm also putting up a new poll that I hope will tease out a few more insights on who we are and why we do do this thing we do.  This one focuses on career and professions.   Should be interesting, though this one is a little harder to construct a good poll because there are just so many options.  But, hopefully it will get the ball rolling.

Open Mic #2: Susie on the Topic of Topping From Below

Susie took me up on my offer (well, offer or pushy and presumptuous demand -- whichever) to step up to the microphone.  Instead of talking in detail about her relationship, she has chosen to take on a topic that has come up in some recent comments, i.e. "topping from the bottom".  Here is her contribution:

Topping From the Bottom

How many times have you heard the above phrase and wondered what it means?  Let me tell you, it's not what many of you have in mind, and I feel that we are constantly learning on our journey, and that if I can share with all of you, you can learn from me, and I can learn from you.

Some basics about me (names and such are changed to protect identities) I am a lifestyle female Dominant in my mid-50's. Someone once told me I could easily be mistaken for your average youngish grandma,  I've been in the BDSM lifestyle since I was in my late teens. I was taught the old school way, and started out as a submissive. I was a good submissive, and I was a fast learner. I enjoyed service of all kinds, and I don't ever recall hearing that phrase. I was told what to do, how to do it, and I didn't ask questions.Years later, when I got involved with a much older male Dominant, he told me that I was too much of a SAsS (Smart Ass submissive Slut) to actually be a submissive. He gave me rigorous training on how to be a Dominant. It was then that I learned about Topping from the bottom.

So, what is Topping from the bottom? Honestly, it's easier to tell you what it isn't, but I will try. Please bear with me.

If your wife is hitting (spanking) you too high on your buttocks, telling her as she's spanking you might be seen as topping from the bottom. If you wait until afterwards when she is holding you and you tell her without complaining "Honey, when you were hitting me with that brush earlier, it was too high" that is not topping from the bottom. Giving feedback in a non-judgmental, matter of fact way is NEVER Topping from the bottom, especially if it is well after the fact.

Asking for aftercare (being held and spoken to in gentle tones) after being disciplined is not Topping from the bottom. Both of you need a cooling off period afterwards, and it's all part of being closer to the one you love.

Buying your wife a paddle or cane is not Topping from the bottom. neither is saying "I hope you use this on me someday," Telling her "I want you to use this on me next time I get a spanking" is Topping from the bottom. Okay, I know I've lost a few of you, but there are some men who are masochists and enjoy the discipline. My husband 'Sam' (Smart ass masochist) is one of them.

Requesting a spanking might be Topping from the bottom, but it depends on the circumstances. If you have had a bad attitude, and you say "I have had a bad attitude all day, and I think a spanking will help it" isn't. Getting upset and nagging her because she won't is most definitely Topping from the bottom.

Making a request is not Topping from the bottom. Telling her exactly how you want things is. Discussing your needs, desires and feelings isn't Topping from the bottom.  Expecting her to do whatever you want is Topping from the bottom.

Communication and feedback is very important, and if it is given in a respectful manner, it isn't Topping from the bottom. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication, and if you are denied that, I feel it distances you from your spouse, and causes anger and bad feelings to fester. For those of you who are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, I'd like to suggest that you get together with your spouse or significant other at least once a month to talk about things, Share the positives as well as the negatives. Women, it doesn't hurt to give your man the occasional praise, especially if there is an area of great improvement. Give him some "warm fuzzies." I guarantee you that he will work harder to please you. Men, remind your woman that you appreciate her, and everything she does to ensure your good behavior. Do something sweet and unexpected once in a while. If you have them, be a good example for your children. Treat your wife with love and respect.

Please feel free to ask any questions or give feedback, even if you disagree with me.


I appreciate honesty from people.

Encouraging our DW Contributors

This is a short reminder and a bit of a kick in the pants to all our male contributors.  We have exactly two female contributors who join this forum on a regular basis.  Susie and Anna.  Last week Anna took up my invitation to post about how she became a Disciplinary Wife.  So, here we have a real, live disciplinary wife, and virtually no one has comment on her post or asked her any follow-ups.  If we want more of the women in our lives to feel comfortable posting on the blog, we need to encourage it by getting in there and communicating with them.  So, come on!  Scroll down one topic and bombard Anna with comments and questions.

Susie, fair warning.  You're up next. ;-)

Dan

The Forum - Question of the Week #56

Hi All.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was, in a word, exhausting.  Business travel.  Not enough sleep.  Locked in business meetings with some fairly dysfunctional people, many of whom could clearly use a very hard spanking.   Oh well, that happens, doesn't it?   But, it really does make me wonder sometimes whether the millions of dollars businesses spend every year on performance consultants  and executive coaches of various sorts might be better spent on a few hardwood paddles and canes. 

As you will note, I just posted a submission from Anna, one of our regular commenters.  Anna, thanks very much for sharing how you got into DD and a summary of the program you implemented with Peter.

Anna's submission, and some of the comments from last week, lead to this week's topic: communicating with your significant other about DD.  For the last couple of weeks, we have all talked a bit about how we got into DD, what it does for us, what we hope to get out of it.  How much of that is something you share with your partner?  And, how much do they share with you about what they want?  Clearly, some of you communicate on a regular basis about what you want and need out of DD.  How about all the rest of you.  Do you talk about what is working and, just as importantly, what is not?  And, are some of you in a situation where you want to talk to your spouse about exploring a domestic discipline relationship, but you don't feel you can?

Finally, I will end this week's topic with an offer and a challenge, before letting you get onto what I hope will be a fun and relaxing weekend.  First, Anna took me up on my offer to share her story and thoughts, and I hope more of the disciplinary wives will do the same.  I'm still not sure we have many of them as readers, unfortunately, but for those who do stop by our little corner of the internet, the microphone is always open and available.  As for the challenge, this blog is now getting around 1,000 unique visitors on a good day.  Yet, we only have about 10 regular commenters.  Let's see if we can expand that a bit.  Will one or two of you lurkers drop us a line or two if you haven't in the past?  By all means, use a fake name, but leave something that allows us to welcome you to our little group.  It only takes a minute, and we'd love to year what you have to say.

Also, if you haven't voted in the poll yet to identify your age group, please do so.  There is a pretty overwhelming pattern emerging from the response we have so far, which I will make the subject of a future post.

Have a great weekend.

Dan