“It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog. Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).
I hope you all had a good week. Mine was . . . probably the closest to normal I’ve had in the last almost six months. I was afraid that our road trip a week ago might cause another setback, but it proved not to be too bad. I was a little more sore and swollen at the end of it, but I recovered pretty quickly. That was in part thanks to some prescribed steroids, but even after I was off of those, I didn’t experience a big step backwards. As a result, this was the first week that I’ve been able to go to the gym regularly and do something vaguely resembling an adult workout, which for me is a BIG deal as the gym was a big part of my almost-daily routine before all this nonsense started.
In short, while I’m still hobbling around, I’m starting to inch closer to being only normally age-impaired.
And, the leaves continue to turn, and a few overly ambitious neighbors have put up a few Halloween decorations, all of which always puts me in a good mood. Love this time of year – for so many reasons!
Thanks for the discussion about attitude. It seems to be something that many wives address and that most of us want them to. Unfortunately, there weren’t a lot of comments or interplay that suggested a new topic for this week, so I’ll have to wing it.
A few weeks ago, when we were discussing some of the DWC pamphlet materials, the subject of maternal discipline came up. I’m not going to do that one again, but one of the references to “maternal” versus “child” roles got me to thinking about origins and influences.
We’ve talked quite a bit over the years about whether being spanked as kids influenced our interest in DD in later life. It occurred to me, however, that for those who were spanked as kids or young adults, we haven’t really explored the age range.
So, a very concrete question occurred to me: For those who experienced corporal punishment as young adults or kids, how old were you when you got your last real punishment spanking? In hopes of getting a few more responses, let’s also include spankings you witnessed or overheard.
I’m talking about real punishment spankings that pre-date your adult DD relationships.I’m guessing that for most of us, it was pre-college, but maybe a few with a particularly strict parent or other authority figure got them even after high school?
It occurs to me that it's interesting how attitudes have flipped more than a little on age and spanking.
When most of us were growing up, it probably was the case that most adults thought there was an upper age limit for spanking, and it was pretty low.
Now, it's routinely assumed that young kids shouldn't be spanked at all, while plenty of fiction aimed at young adult women includes spanking themes.
Were it not for the dramatic drop-off in corporal punishment generally, I can't help but wonder whether disciplinary spanking would have become a much more prevalent thing for young adults, for the simple reason that so many of them are living at home these days.
It's not hard not to imagine many frustrated parents of those in their twenties--or older--who increasingly "fail to launch" might secretly love to use the basement couch their adult child is living on to support a little adult discipline.
Or, maybe it was in the high school years? In the quote above, T. didn't identify the age of his last spanking, but I seem to recall from prior posts that it was sometime in his high school years.
I suspect for most, though, it was younger. Junior high/middle school? Earlier?
I realize this topic is pretty narrow, so let's expand it a bit by getting into the details? Who was your last punishment spanking before you got into an adult DD relationship from?
Mother? Father?
Aunt? Uncle? Grandmother or grandfather? Other relative?
Teacher? Principal?
Friend's parent?
If you’re willing, give us some details. What situation led to it? Where did it happen? What instrument was used, if any?
For me, I don’t recall exactly what age I was. (I am like the opposite of a savant when it comes to dates and ages.) But, I’m guessing I was around 12 or 13. It was a whipping from my step-father, with a belt. The setting was maybe a little unique, as it was outdoors while we were working on a ranch my parents owned at that time.
I also have a very vivid memory of being sent to the vice-principal’s office and assuming I was going to get paddled. The teacher actually liked me, however, and apparently sent a note telling the vice-principal that he wanted to give me a scare but didn’t necessarily require an actual paddling, so I ended up not getting one. I, again, don’t remember exactly how old I was or what grade I was in, but I think it was probably around sophomore year in high school.
Other than that, I don’t have a strong memory regarding other spankings in my teens or pre-teens. I do recall one spanking received by my step-sister, which she got for bullying me (which is now kind of embarrassing).
Another way to broaden this topic is to loop back to a topic T. suggested a few weeks ago that relates to his last spanking:
“For me, when my wife orders me over the bed, it brings me back to my youth. My last spanking was for stealing. I had trouble holding position as the paddle rained down on my bare bottom. I ended up getting paddled lying face down on the floor. I embarrassed my mother, so she was going to embarrass me. The exposed position and the reluctance to bend over at that moment hits triggers for me. I know we have touched on it, but another in depth topic could be how our youth affects our DD or FLR today.”
For me, it probably is accurate to say that my youth affects my desire for DD spankings more than spankings affected my youth. The reason I don’t remember many spankings is because I didn’t get many as a youth. That one incident was the only one from my step-father. By the time I was a teenager, he had adopted the explicit rule that, unless I got into serious trouble I couldn’t get myself out of, there would be no rules.
And, while I’m confident my mother spanked me, it was when I was pretty young.
Yet, I do feel that spanking and discipline or, rather, their absence did affect me and my adult DD desires. I was fairly out of control in high school and even more so in college. With no external discipline, I didn’t develop self-discipline so much as I showed a lot of talent for getting into trouble but also getting myself out of it. But, having that kind of responsibility at a young age left me feeling chronically overwhelmed and on edge.
I’m often in the dark about exactly where my DD interest comes from, since I didn’t have an early spanking interest, but I am fairly confident that it had something to do with an absence of spanking/disciplinary consequences in my youth leading to a later perceived need for boundaries, and a strong attraction to DD when I discovered in my thirties that it was “a thing”. I'm sure it's no coincidence that I have a fairly strong reaction to memes and stories that involve being taken in hand by a strong adult while in high school or college, because that was the period in which I most needed the boundaries that I didn't experience at an earlier age.
And, while Anne and I don't do age play, she once said something to me along the lines of, "You're like a boy who keeps pushing and pushing his mother's buttons until she's finally had it with you, then you act all surprised to find yourself in for a spanking." I think both of us are into the idea of me being in that late teenage/young adult phase and needing a spanking, probably because like a lot of men, that's where my maturity retreats to sometimes.
A somewhat related issue, particularly with respect to who was involved in our late childhood/early adult spanking experiences and how that affected us, came from ZM a couple of weeks ago. I had talked about how the DWC pamphlets and website materials encouraged husbands being spanked by other DWC wives, noting: “That grant of authority for the husband to be spanked by other DWC wives, to me, borders on Femdom.” ZM responded
“[M]aybe true, however, when you consider the distinctly maternal slant in these pamphlets, is it really all that different than when we were kids, where we knew that we might be subject to discipline from aunts, teachers, and sometimes even our friends’ parents if our parents happened to know them well? There is a part of me that craves that sort of openness when everyone knows you are subject to authority, and for the most part knows when anyone got spanked. And of course, in other ways I am glad it isn’t that way…”
ZM’s comment illustrates perhaps another way in which my youth affects, if not our DD, at least my DD interest, today. Like ZM, part of me kind of craves an openness in which others know that I am subject to Anne’s authority and at least some others know not only that I get spanked but are in the know regarding particular spankings.
In my ideal world, Anne would have an actual DWC-like group of friends who were totally open with each other about disciplining their husbands, including all the gory details. Like ZM, I relate that desire to what I experienced as a kid, living in an area where relatives and family friends felt they had total authority to spank someone else’s kid, and all of them knew that their spanking would likely lead to another at home. The culture was just incredibly open about spanking, both in general and in the particulars, and it's certainly possible that it left me with a craving for such openness today.
How about you? At what age did you receive your last punishment spanking before getting into an adult DD relationship? What were the circumstances? Do you think it influenced your adult DD relationships or desires? In what way?
Have a great week.
14, at school, sliippering from the headmaster. My last home chastisement from my Mum was when I was 8 (belt but not too hard). I was last threatened by a neighbour at 17. I think the latter had more influence on what I became than the other 2. I have engaged in RP that is maternal based and I have a big interest in that. I think I previously on here told you of a conversation I had with my Mum, a few months before she passed, where she said she should have spanked me often and for years beyond when she did and regretting not, I answered "well we both missed out then" because I knew where I was at that time DD wise and she didn't. Cheers GLM.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I've heard of school punishment using slippering, especially at that age. Definitely different from the school spanking culture in the US
DeleteDan the context is 1977 in the industrial North of England. When I started school you first went to Infants (5-7) where for two years any corporal punishment was a swat on the bottom rather than a formal spanking. Then from 7-11 you went to Juniors where in my school every teacher (you had the same teacher for every lesson) administered slipperings, usually in the class store cupboard. The type of slipper used would today be called a plimsoll, black with rubber soles. I managed to avoid getting any in that period. Then to "Big" school 11-16 and what in those days was a new concept called Comprehensive where it was different teachers for different subjects. Here the only two people who used the slipper were the head and the sports teacher. Me and 4 others got slippered at 11 by the sports teacher for being late to a swimming lesson (it was mild). The slippering at 14 was after I was fighting a bully. I felt really hard done by over it. I did forget to mention that a year later, as the school system was phasing out corporal punishment I was threatened by a female English teacher for ruining her lesson with disruptive behaviour, she has taken we out of the classroom and was at the end of her tether and said "do you want me to put you over my knee and spank some sense into you"? I was speechless. Hope that helps? Cheers GLM
DeleteDan,
ReplyDeleteThis topic probably resonates with me the most. I believe my last few spankings contributed to my overall need for DD and being held accountable for my actions in the present day. My last severe punishment spanking was around 14 ish. I was at a big box store with my siblings and my Mother wouldn’t buy me a CD. I decided like an idiot to steal it. Well, unbeknownst to me a manager had observed me taking the item. He stopped me when leaving and I handed him over the item. My Mother was pissed and looked at the manager and said, don’t worry he will be truly sorry when we get home. The manager smiled and stated something to the effect of, I wouldn’t want to be you when I get home. We got into the car and my Mother said, when we get home, I’m giving you the beating of a lifetime. She had an old wooden paddle. When home, she told my siblings to go outside and play and don’t come in. She closed my bedroom window so the neighbors couldn’t hear me cry. I was instructed to remove my pants and underwear. I explained I thought it was embarrassing and I was too old. She in so many words told me, I’m going to embarrass you as you did me. I was then given the worst spanking of my life. I bawled like a two year old. I remember ending up lying on the floor, because I couldn’t hold position. She continued to paddle away paying zero attention to my pleading and crying. I remember saying, I learned
my lesson. She replied, no you haven’t and I’m going to make sure you do. The spanking went on for a long time. I had snots and tears running everywhere when she decided I had enough. Personally, I think she was tired or would have continued. My bottom was beet red and bruised the next few days. In retrospect most would describe this as abuse nowadays. My Mother wanted to make sure I grew up to be a law abiding citizen. I did and am thankful
to have had a parent that cares. The trigger words now are what my wife uses at times that bring back the maternal vibe. She will say don’t raise your voice at me or I’m going to thrash the hell out of you. You need an attitude adjustment. It resonates to my youth. My last school paddling was around the same age. I got into an argument with a classmate and he attempted to punch me and missed. I hit him in the stomach and of course the principal observed my punch only. He was a troublemaker of a kid. I was brought down to the principals office and told I would be given the max six with the paddle. I was bent over the chair and given the six. I made it a point to never cry at school when being paddled. I was defiant in that aspect because, I felt they were too quick to use it and refused to let it get to me. At home, I was truly upset at times when disappointing my Mother. I would generally cry during most of them.
T
There is a part of me that really envies the approach your mom took. After I became a teenager, mine was totally absent in terms of imposing any real consequences. I think I might have had an easier ride in my 20s and 30s if I'd been taken to the metaphorical woodshed as a teenager, including the kind of paddling you got that put you very firmly in your place. The hardest lesson for me in the career area was submitting to authority; in fact, I never really did learn how to do it. There were times that benefitted me, but in retrospect, my bullheadedness caused me a lot of avoidable problems.
DeleteParticularly when I was in schools that were heavy with the paddle, it did seem like who got it was pretty arbitrary.
Dan,
DeleteUnfortunately it works the opposite way as well. I could have probable been promoted a bunch of times but refused to adhere to authority. Although Ive never had a “problem” with supervisors, I tend to do my own thing. All of my friends are outside of my profession. A lot of our co workers hang out together and I refuse to do so. I’m not a recluse, but find a bunch of my co workers have failed outside of life or are too young to have conversations with. I also find the youth of today’s work ethic sucks. They make excuses for almost all of them. Fortunately for me, I retire in a few years and will enjoy the fruits of my hard earned labor.
T
I was rarely disciplined as a child/youth. I usually got away with things because I was careful not to be caught. I was grounded once. I think I would have benefitted from more discipline. I am not able to connect this with my current dynamic with my wife. E
ReplyDeleteI definitely perfected the art of not getting caught.
DeleteDan,
DeleteI too was very good at becoming quite stealthy to avoid getting caught. My siblings were not as good.
T
By the way loved everyone of the pics above!!
DeleteMy parents never spanked me themselves, and my experience growing up was much like Dan's, with me having few boundaries, and getting in and out of trouble. They put me in a private, fundamentalist, Baptist school from first grade to third grade, in which I was spanked often by a female teacher. I am pretty sure this is where my obsession with spanking began, mostly because this teacher was the first authority figure I can remember, and it made me feel that she was at least noticing me. Like all kids,I needed some boundaries, and she gave them to me, which my parents couldn't do. My mother became seriously mentally ill, and should never have been around kids at all. My passive father was overwhelmed by his crazy wife, and he mostly hid in the garage as much as possible. I got into stealing, and by age 12, began carrying around a loaded pistol. My dad discovered my sawed off shotgun, took a hatchet to it, and started to pay a little more attention to me. He helped me get my first real motorcycle at 15, and soon after, I somehow survived riding around on the L.A. freeways without a helmet. I was really into speeding, and had many wrecks. After loosing 2 friends to motorcycle accidents, I started to slow down. I also became obsessed with sex, but forgot about spanking until a few decades later. After discovering the DWC, I immediately knew it was a lifestyle I wanted and needed, but it took another 20 years to find a woman strong enough to give me boundaries, backed up with real spankings. I needed a woman to give me this long ago, but better late than never.
ReplyDeleteMy parents weren't quite as dysfunctional as yours, but it was a similar dynamic. I grew up in a very gun-heavy environment, so carrying the gun would not have been a big deal; every pickup had a gun rack and most of them had a couple of rifles and/or shotguns. Growing up in part on a rattlesnake infested ranch, I was routinely carrying a .22 pistol at a very young age. I've always said I got my first gun and my first horse before my first bicycle, and that's really not hyperbole.
DeleteBack then was a more innocent time in some ways, and school shootings were basically unheard of. I was just a confused, angry kid, who certainly had no business carrying a gun around. I didn't get into any serious trouble, but that was just dumb luck. It's a good example of what can happen when kids have few boundaries. Many adults need firm boundaries also - a well know one in particular jumps to mind. Unfortunately, the ones who could use a really good spanking the most, never seem to get them.
DeleteNorton,
DeletePeople had respect for authority back then. We would never of thought of what goes on today at these schools. It’s a sad state of affairs today with the violence that occurs. I believe CP had something to do with this while growing up. Whether home, school, or church, you knew to toe the line or else. Based on Tom’s response, I do believe there were some people that abused this power while younger. At church, I remember a a Mom carrying around a wooden spoon in her purse. I was older and these kids were probably five or six. I observed her use that spoon on them multiple times. I actually felt bad for the kids. They seemed to be just a bit rambunctious.
T
I never got paddled at school, (that I remember), but got palms smacked with the flat of a ruler, and knuckles "cracked" edge on. Some stress positions with books held out, kind of remember having to put my "nose on the blackboard" stuff, (and yes, as I'm 73, they were true slate blackboards), also, some "gum on nose" incidents. I remember witnessing some early grade school OTK spankings, only boys getting it, but that feed my imagination, I truly wanted to see girls getting it, (after all, they where the ones always getting me in trouble!). This early wish morphed, (with puberty's help), into, "well what would it be like to get it from a pretty teacher", something I was too shy and guile-less to arrange. In high school the paddles came out and a saw some guys get swats in class, or some times, just heard the paddling 'out in the hall'. That also where I became aware that some people were into it, (both students and teachers - even some female ones). While that stuff feeds fantasy, it is one of the reasons to ban corporeal punishment. I finally did get to see a girl paddled in school when the teacher set us to erasing pencil marks in our textbooks before turning them in for the next class, then reviewing them and handing out a swat for each missed mark, Patty miss a lot and got her butt warmed, (medium swats). That well liked teacher had other problems though as he committed suicide the next year.
ReplyDeleteAt home, the last maternal spanking I remember was after I set off a whole roll of caps in my hand that I was turning into a 'firecracker' by zig zag folding the gunpowder blisters so they lined up, and creating a continuous firing-hole by forcing a needle though them all. They blew up in my hand while I was forcing a needle through them with a pair of pliers. Mom came to see what happened, checked that I was okay, then marched me to the 'master bedroom', (I know they are called 'main bedrooms' today, but given what went down, the depreciated term fits ;). She was in a abstract print robe wearing indoor house slippers, (cheap with thick soles, probably pasteboard covered with a thin black patent leather, single wide band to hold it on). There was a dressing bench at the foot of the bed that she sat on and bared me and put me over her lap to receive a long and hard spanking over her lap. She wielded that sandal with a fury. Mother had a bit of a belly so she always wore a girdle, so, together with non-stop rein of blows, you had to contend with the girdle's integrated stocking clips digging into your belly. I was probably 14.
My last fraternal punishment was in the kitchen with my dad's fraternity paddle, probably hadn't mown the lawn, (I was, and still had a procrastination problem). My dad was a beast and I really felt it. This could have been at 20 on even 22, I was going to school, Pitt, but living at home.
The early school stuff was what probably set up my interest. My first relationship that including spanking, 'turned' that way when I was hanging with my new girlfriend at her apartment and she gave her teenage daughter a paddling right on the steps to the apartment. I was making myself scarce inside, to give them some privacy and to not be a pevert. Her daughter went out to play and Debbie came in to put the paddle away, but started using on me playfully, then more forcefully on my jeans, rolling my prone body side to side to target each check. Fearing she had gotten just a little too enthusiactic, she start to apologize for being too hard, and this give me the chance to confess, (for the first time ever), that I liked it and opened up a whole new area for us.
I know in some eras, in some areas of the country, teachers spanking in the classroom was pretty common. When I was growing up, particularly in my first hometown, corporal punishment was incredibly common, but it was almost always done in the principal's office, or occasionally a teacher would handle it himself/herself, in the hallway. Though, I don't recall any female teachers who spanked. I do recall a couple of female coaches who had a reputation for paddling girls, and as much as boys are usually seen as the troublemakers, I think that at least until junior high, the girls were paddled about as often as the boys.
DeleteThe maternal spanking at 14 must have made quite the impression, given your detailed memory of things like what your mother was wearing. Although my mother didn't spank often and I remember getting in serious trouble with her only a few times, when it did happen, it tended to be in reaction to things I did that weren't safe and/or things like wandering off without telling her where I'd gone.
A parental padding at 20-22 so far wins the contest for oldest punishment spanking.
The female teacher that I saw give otk spankings in the classroom must have been first or second grade teachers, (I did repeat second grade, I was a late December baby so behind everyone else). I had female teachers lament that we were getting to old for that treatment, god knows I frustrated a lot of them.
DeleteOne thing I've never heard others mention was how common it was to form spanking gauntlets in recess/gym, either walk through or crawl throughs, sometime segregated by gender. These were in early grade school, before gym classes were separated.
It is interesting how much of corporal punishment was culturally/geographically determined. Where I was, OTK spankings were common at home for young kids, but unheard of at school. The tools also varied by location. At every school I attended, punishment was with a paddle. At home, however, paddles were (as far as I had visibility into friends/classmates' spankings) unheard of. There, the preferred tool by far, was the belt.
DeleteAt home the preferred tools were, hand, slipper, hairbrush. God, Dan, I know you've mentioned that you've found the hairbrush to be pretty lame when used as a spanking implement, not so in my childhood experience. We still had Fuller Brush traveling salesmen, I thought it was pretty cool when me and my siblings all got new hairbrushes of our own, until I learned that what we all had gotten was our own, personal paddles, that solid piece of plastic was pure hellfire on the bum!
DeleteThe belt came out one time early on when I pushed over the women hired to look after us for messing with my kid sister, had to kneel in a wing chair bare ass in front of the whole family for 11 whacks.
An implement that was used on us early on was a loop of plastic covered clothesline applied to your naked legs, or even, your naked bum. I can remember being 'sent elsewhere', all the sound becoming a shrill rubble, like listening to outboard motors from under water, while I was being walked around in circles as my legs got beat. My mom talked to my dad to put a stop to this, (they had both done it), as she felt the welts it raised were just too severe. I did get switched with a sapling once, that felt much the same. As an adult, I got strapped by a pro at "Spanking Club of New York" Pocono retreat, I actually experienced 'seeing stars', white explosions in my visual fields, so cool I didn't mind it.
Tom
I had always wondered about that spanking club of NY. I believe her name was Ms Davis. I enjoyed some of the stories of the club and wanted to attend, but never got around to it. I assume it’s defunct now. I don’t remember the hairbrush being a big deal. My Mother preferred the belt or paddle. At school, we had the gym teacher and principal who would paddle at will. A few of the female teachers paddled or used a yardstick on the girls. I had to stay back for an after school assignment one time. A teacher had taken her own daughter into the closet with the yardstick. I heard her tell her to pull her dress up. She then must have given her about 30 with the stick. She was crying so hard, she left her in there to calm down and compose herself before coming out. The teacher looked at me and said if you don’t sit still and complete your assignment you’re next. I was probably around eight or nine years old then. It’s amazing how after all these years, I can remember these minor details but can’t remember a persons name.
DeleteT