tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post8814759789997548078..comments2024-03-28T21:45:05.911-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 225 - Reporting and EnforcementDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-67232701723054431512018-06-20T09:38:13.311-07:002018-06-20T09:38:13.311-07:00Hi Sorry I never responded, hadn't seen it bac...Hi Sorry I never responded, hadn't seen it back then. No the "spies" don't know what awaits my husband or how they contribute to him being disciplined. Now on the other hand when he couldn't go watch the game for a month or similar I've been pushed to relent or give him a reprieve. I've held my ground and said think of it as if he's on a punishment. How would he learn if I give in every time?<br />Staying consistent has paid off, my husband keeps an eye on budgeting. When he messed up he knew it quicker, reported it to me and then went across my lap. I did still have to explain that he will still get disciplined for breaking budget but he was spared the second trip over my lap by not knowing and reporting it to me. Life is better this way! VickiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37572943003158538842017-10-21T06:19:03.906-07:002017-10-21T06:19:03.906-07:00The guilt thing can override everything else for m...The guilt thing can override everything else for me if I know I have somehow hurt her feelings. Of course, in an instance like that she knew about it but chose not to take any action.<br /><br />So I guess it's not so much "reporting an unknown event" as it is "asking for her to take the action." I only mention it because I experience reporting and asking in a very similar way - highly embarrassing and difficult to do.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-86345912372233889472017-10-20T07:13:11.059-07:002017-10-20T07:13:11.059-07:00I have actually been to Hooters WITH MY WIFE on a ...I have actually been to Hooters WITH MY WIFE on a couple of occasion. On the one hand, we both understand the obvious,(I'm enjoy the "eye candy"). On the other hand, for me these mostly young girls are basically almost children who need a job. So in all sincerity, there is no real "erotic thrill".<br /><br />But that's just me...odd to the last :) Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-22829872950679786872017-10-19T15:30:54.111-07:002017-10-19T15:30:54.111-07:00Alan, I agree, at least at this point. It would b...Alan, I agree, at least at this point. It would be nice to have a spy, as long as he/she either didn't know the possible consequence of the reporting or was very discreet. I do believe that right now, at this point in my career, there would be serious blowback if that part of my relationship were commonly known. I do think a time will come when I just won't care, but it's not now.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-53268559546255131402017-10-19T15:25:52.160-07:002017-10-19T15:25:52.160-07:00Thanks, Tomy. I probably should also have asked p...Thanks, Tomy. I probably should also have asked people, when they do self-report, how long does it take them to make that decision. As you describe, sometimes I am tempted not to report. I may go a few days without doing it. Eventually, guild or the need for penance overcomes my natural reluctance to get spanked.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-52156344361924183452017-10-19T15:23:41.601-07:002017-10-19T15:23:41.601-07:00Thanks, Anonymous. Thankfully, topless bars and H...Thanks, Anonymous. Thankfully, topless bars and Hooters aren't a big thing for my co-workers.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-65510979802855513042017-10-19T09:22:26.635-07:002017-10-19T09:22:26.635-07:00Our most common issue is completing chores which s...Our most common issue is completing chores which she can observe without any reporting.<br /><br />My wife does not expect me to report everything that I do or don't do that she might consider inappropriate. The only offenses I am expected to self report are ones that are clear cut objective rules. For example, I am not allowed to patronize topless bars or other specific establishments that she disapproves. Topless bars aren't a problem as my co-workers never question me when I opt out of a proposed visit. The only place that has been a problem is Hooters. Sometimes my co-workers choose that place after we are already in the car and driving. Knowing that I will be getting spanked when I self-report that evening takes the fun out of ogling the waitresses. Although I am usually allowed to watch internet porn and masturbate, that privilege is sometimes taken away for a set period as part of a punishment. If I violate that, I feel compelled to self-report.<br /><br />As someone else said, when my wife asks questions, I am forthcoming in my answers even at the risk of consequences. When my wife asked if anything interesting happened during a recent business trip, I told her about the female colleague that got pretty drunk and invited me to join her for a bubble bath in her hotel room. My wife was obviously pleased that I declined the invitation but proceeded to ask some probing follow-up questions about any flirty behaviors that may have contributed to the situation. After our analysis of my actions (that I could remember), she decided that a session with her hairbrush and two weeks without masturbation were needed.<br /><br />I don't get in trouble for being disrespectful to others unless she is there to observe it. (Being respectful to her is not difficult for me, but I sometimes get careless in how I treat third parties, especially people I don't respect.) I suppose I could get in trouble based on someone else reporting it, but that has never happened. She doesn't have any spies.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78744928067196591952017-10-19T07:32:24.304-07:002017-10-19T07:32:24.304-07:00If I choose not to reveal an incident it is usuall...If I choose not to reveal an incident it is usually because, in my assessment, she would experience more unhappiness from it than I would from the spanking.<br /><br />It's kind of a balancing act. If I really feel excessive guilt, or it is something she absolutely needs to know, or I really need the help for character-building, it does get reported.<br /><br />Besides, I would guesstimate that 90% or more of the time it comes out at some point anyway. She's pretty darn smart and knows me extremely well. (For which I am eternally thankful). Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-2174615583546395472017-10-17T16:20:38.227-07:002017-10-17T16:20:38.227-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.The new mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17719156393433994665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-89919921081887340632017-10-17T13:20:38.967-07:002017-10-17T13:20:38.967-07:00Sounds like the Glenmore is looking for material f...Sounds like the Glenmore is looking for material for a new story. But seriously there can be a problem when disciplinary rules extend to the job. I am not saying it is always a mistake and I believe deeply a disciplinary wife has a right to extend her control to behavior on the job if she makes that decision. But if the "spy" is not discreet, a male's career can be put at serious risk in our still very macho very patriarchal society. We are slowly evolving but for the lifetime of most of us the widespread knowledge that our wife or girlfriend disciplines with spanking is not a career move.<br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19039789620400283412017-10-17T10:00:59.562-07:002017-10-17T10:00:59.562-07:00Hi Anna. It's great she gives you those early ...Hi Anna. It's great she gives you those early weather reports. A few years ago, I had an assistant who was a not-so-closeted kinkster. Once, several people were talking after work about how crazy it was that everyone was reading 50 Shades, and she commented that it just wasn't hardcore enough and she preferred Anne Rice's Beauty series. I've always thought that had she stayed around, she and my wife might have got to talking over drinks sometime, and who knows what might have developed . . .Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-46501424541773774892017-10-17T08:03:29.854-07:002017-10-17T08:03:29.854-07:00Dan
We operate on self reporting and I rely on the...Dan<br />We operate on self reporting and I rely on the fact that Peter is a very poor liar. One addition support I have came into being a few years ago quite by accident. One afternoon I called Peter's office and his right hand gal answered. Often when I call if Peter is on a call she and I will chat. This one afternoon I was calling to ask Peter to do something I knew he would not want to do. In passing I merely asked what was the weather report in the office. She laughed and answered Very cloudy with chance of thunderstorms. We both laughed and I put off my request. A few days later as a joke I asked for the weather report and she burst out laughing. Since then when I call she gives the weather without my asking. This has worked better than anything in the past. I think too often a wife isnt aware of what is going on in his office. When he is having a rough day I know dont ask how was your day but instead perhaps have a martini ready and the kids tucked away for an hour so he can chill. If that doesnt work I can always pull out the paddle.<br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-60934182348116360512017-10-17T04:25:03.937-07:002017-10-17T04:25:03.937-07:00Jusr curious Vicki if your 'spies' know wh...Jusr curious Vicki if your 'spies' know what happens to your hubbies when they report his poor behaviour to you?Glenmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10011257092494429520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-87549641496474239852017-10-16T15:58:09.683-07:002017-10-16T15:58:09.683-07:00Hi Vicki. I do think in an ideal world, spies wou...Hi Vicki. I do think in an ideal world, spies would be preferable to self-reporting.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-66266014166604853742017-10-16T15:57:07.872-07:002017-10-16T15:57:07.872-07:00Thanks, ZM. It is a great point, again, about bei...Thanks, ZM. It is a great point, again, about being realistic and not trying to use DD to fix every little thing. If it addresses the big stuff, that is reason enough to do it.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-69982823249507255322017-10-16T15:55:34.803-07:002017-10-16T15:55:34.803-07:00That is definitely one downside of self-reporting,...That is definitely one downside of self-reporting, at least if it covers things she is in a position to notice.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-82500861093030275322017-10-16T11:22:30.088-07:002017-10-16T11:22:30.088-07:00My husband doesn't need to self report much. C...My husband doesn't need to self report much. Certain things yes, such as going over his weekly budget (I call it his allowance sometimes, lol). If he were to get a ticket or something out of the ordinary he needs to tell me of course. If he doesn't, when I find out it's basically a double punishment! One for the offence and one for trying to hide it.<br />First time he went over budget he said nothing, basically because he was irresponsible with money, used to not budgeting and hence my taking over the finances. I explained his mistake and warned him to be careful in the future and "IF" he "accidentally" went over to let me know asap. Of course a couple of weeks later I saw the online bank acct. a couple of days after he blew it again. He had plenty of time to tell me so he went over my lap as soon as I returned home from work and he got it but good! I stood him up and asked why he hadn't told me? He never realized he went over budget! I was mad and told him to strip. He knew we weren't finished and tried to reason that "he didn't know so it wasn't right to get disciplined again for not telling me." Not knowing was just as bad or worse than not telling me as it's essential to following a budget was my reasoning. My husband was nude, I was still fully dressed in bus. attire.<br />I saw on a website somewhere, somebody explained that you can basically cane with a plastic curtain rod, the type that opens vertical blinds. I have one in my closet for serious issues. My husband went over the bed and told to hang on tightly and put his face in a pillow. He got 10 fast, hard cracks with the rod on his butt and thighs then sent to the corner, not allowed to touch while I changed and lectured him. I've never seen him squirm and wiggle as much as he does with the plastic rod. That beating lasted him a good long while.<br />Also instead of self reporting I have my "spies." An office asst. at his job lets me know if my husband comes to work late. A bad trait that "we're working on" I told her.<br />My sister or friends will let me know if he hangs with their husbands and they see he has more than 2 beers (usually 2) they let me know. My husband now knows that I have my spies because he gets disciplined because of their honesty with me. He had 4 beers once at my sister's after I specifically reminded him 2. Back at home I inquired and he lied and said he only had 2. He got a good beating across my knee, wasn't allowed to drink for a month, and wasn't allowed to go watch the game with my brother in law for a month, and had extra household chores. Two weeks later when he still wasn't allowed to watch a "big game" at my sister's he got an attitude and got mouthy. He not only wasn't allowed to watch the game at all but he spent the rest of the day cleaning house with a very sore, very red, very bare behind.<br />I'm not one to use maintenance or regular corporal punishment, though it may sound like that, but when my husband needs it he gets it! So, bottom line, he better report something that needs reporting or expect to get it good if I find out! Vicki<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-4537754066867926742017-10-16T09:21:30.054-07:002017-10-16T09:21:30.054-07:00We have never implemented a formal reporting mecha...We have never implemented a formal reporting mechanism, and for that matter really don't do much (if any) self-reporting at all. Like several other posters have said, the things that she punishes me for are things that either cause her to feel bad or the occasional habit that aggravates her. If she asks me about anything, of course I am truthful, and if she ever wanted me to self-report on something I would, but she has never requested that of me.<br /><br />In fact, on two occasions I have mentioned that I am having trouble in a certain area, and in both cases she has preferred to just talk about it from time to time and checks in with me to see how I am doing with that issue, but it has not turned into discipline in either case. Interestingly enough, right now I am feeling like there is something that I really should be punished for, but I probably won't share it with her because unless she notices that it is a problem, she would likely not want to address it. <br /><br />In the end, I don't think she wants to punish me to address all my shortcomings, or even my biggest ones necessarily, but rather just those things that affect her emotions or our interpersonal relationship, for example lateness, slacking around the house, checking out the occasional girl in her presence, etc. She is very supportive in every way and always helps me to grow into a better person, just not always using discipline.<br /><br />While we may not use discipline to "Fix" everything that is wrong with me, it does provide a quick and very impactful resolution whenever there is a problem, so we have a great relationship without any of the silence, ignoring each other, or lingering bad feelings that other couples seem to have, plus it seems to scratch my inexplainable "itch" for imposed boundaries, temporary loss of control, and punishment. It may not be the perfect solution for everyone, but it works for us...!<br /><br />-ZM Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-36914252003831121152017-10-16T09:08:25.388-07:002017-10-16T09:08:25.388-07:00I see your point Dan , as these things can affect ...I see your point Dan , as these things can affect her negatively in an indirect way .However , these are really your (or our) responsibilty to handle and not hers. However , if we do bring work problems home or are in a poor mood at home because of the situation in work , she has every right to snap us out of that attitude with a good dose of her paddle.<br />Also if we neglect her by working late or bringing work home too often then she can step in. <br />It took me a while and lots of effort , but I did eventually learn to separate work and home and balance the two , giving priority to my wife and family.<br />Somebody once told me a story that really stuck with me and helped me in this regard.<br />He told mr life was like juggling three balls ( work , health and family) , except that the ball for work was rubber and the balls for family and health are glass.<br />If you drop the rubber ball , you will always bounce back and get another one but if you drop the glass ones they shatter and are gone for good and you will never get them back . We all have to juggle , but if you have to drop a ball , make sure its the rubber one.Glenmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10011257092494429520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-69759057325511406272017-10-16T09:07:17.536-07:002017-10-16T09:07:17.536-07:00I see your point Dan , as these things can affect ...I see your point Dan , as these things can affect her negatively in an indirect way .However , these are really your (or our) responsibilty to handle and not hers. However , if we do bring work problems home or are in a poor mood at home because of the situation in work , she has every right to snap us out of that attitude with a good dose of her paddle.<br />Also if we neglect her by working late or bringing work home too often then she can step in. <br />It took me a while and lots of effort , but I did eventually learn to separate work and home and balance the two , giving priority to my wife and family.<br />Somebody once told me a story that really stuck with me and helped me in this regard.<br />He told mr life was like juggling three balls ( work , health and family) , except that the ball for work was rubber and the balls for family and health are glass.<br />If you drop the rubber ball , you will always bounce back and get another one but if you drop the glass ones they shatter and are gone for good and you will never get them back . We all have to juggle , but if you have to drop a ball , make sure its the rubber one.Glenmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10011257092494429520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-35704625821797364462017-10-16T08:38:45.304-07:002017-10-16T08:38:45.304-07:00Hi Alan. I agree most wives are probably (a) relat...Hi Alan. I agree most wives are probably (a) relationship focused; and (b) looking at that from their own point of view. Where I disagree a bit is about work misbehavior and whether that impacts her. It doesn't in the short-term, but in the long-run it can have a big impact. My "take charge" attitude has helped me be successful, but it has its downsides, and I have no doubt that my reputation for temper has held me back in some areas including things like promotions I should have gotten absent senior management's concerns that, while there was a good chance I could drive great performance, there was an equal chance I could blow something up. That does affect her, to the extent it diminishes the family's financial success. Also, in exercising my temper at work and thereby capping my upward mobility, I condemn myself to a state of perpetual pissiness in which I don't like the actions I see from those above me, but I also haven't shown the discipline to elevate myself up there where I might have more impact.<br /><br />But, all that said, as a practical matter I think both you and Glen are right and, even though I think work and other outside issues can have big impacts, they are far less likely to be something she feels like dealing with.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-81770181823512272882017-10-16T08:30:57.459-07:002017-10-16T08:30:57.459-07:00Hi Glen. I totally agree we have to be realistic ...Hi Glen. I totally agree we have to be realistic about the scope of the DD part of our relationships. I only partially agree about work things not impacting her. I'll flesh that out more in my reply to Alan, to avoid saying the same thing twice.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-45442225298915680892017-10-16T07:05:31.927-07:002017-10-16T07:05:31.927-07:00I really believe punishable offenses need to be ab...I really believe punishable offenses need to be about promoting the health of the relationship from her point of view. . That of course probably covers things like disrespect , purposeful disobedience and breaking rules established to protect and enhance the relationship. Otherwise many women will lose interest. She probably cares little if you lose your temper at work or even procrastinate on a work task. But throw the F word at a party or disobey her at home when she tells you to do something and she owns your ass. ( which is exactly how my wife announces many imminent spankings)But it can't just be about you and what you think you should be spanked for. That is just playing into your fantasy and destroys any real DD. Believe me, if she starts spanking for her reasons and feels free of supporting your fantasy, you will get all the spankings you want unless you are an exceptionally well behaved husband. <br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-86771958488684657182017-10-16T04:37:24.966-07:002017-10-16T04:37:24.966-07:00I believe you have to be realistic regarding the s...I believe you have to be realistic regarding the scope of offenses she will punish for. For us , her scope covers offenses related to my behaviour towards her (being disrespectful , saying something offensive to her , etc.).<br />Any offenses such as those at work or elsewhere are not covered for the simple reason that the behaviour does not affect her and she does not need to know about them.I believe if the scope is to wide it becomes impractical to enforce.Glenmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10011257092494429520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68518943453649356882017-10-15T17:23:14.672-07:002017-10-15T17:23:14.672-07:00My wife does not detect my misbehaviors as well as...My wife does not detect my misbehaviors as well as I do. I keep a journal where I list my infractions. She reviews it periodically and decides on corrective action. Although my wife is committed to a femdom marriage, it seems that I am the one who has to point out my own misdeeds and to actually request punishment. I do feel better after she has administered a punishments. She seems happy with this arrangement, however I feel sometimes as if I am doing all the leading. How do we help our wives grow in confidence in themselves and understand the needs of their husbands to be held accountable for their behaviors? My wife seems to be growing as a dominant - perhaps it is my desire for this to happen more quickly. <br />vAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com