tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post8573731653495046001..comments2024-03-28T21:45:05.911-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 169 - ContractsDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-39072831943582586562016-08-26T07:27:38.547-07:002016-08-26T07:27:38.547-07:00Here is the link to my blog :
http://glenmoretale...Here is the link to my blog :<br />http://glenmoretales.blogspot.ca/<br />There is lots of FM artwork there . Feel free to use any of the artwork you wish but would appreciate mentioning my blog when you can or list the link to my blog on your site.Glenmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10011257092494429520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78710753079420400972016-08-21T07:28:59.274-07:002016-08-21T07:28:59.274-07:00I'd be really happy to do that, if they were s...I'd be really happy to do that, if they were signed or had a blog link on them. I totally get people wanting to maintain control of their art work, but it makes it a little difficult for others to know HOW to attribute a given work when the author doesn't sign or put a link on them. Also very happy to just take them down.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-32187978352701771272016-08-21T04:32:03.075-07:002016-08-21T04:32:03.075-07:00If you are going to use my artwork in your blog I ...If you are going to use my artwork in your blog I would appreciate if you gave my blog credit or at least list it in your links.<br />GlenmoreGlenmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10011257092494429520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19403718541851406272016-08-14T13:45:38.091-07:002016-08-14T13:45:38.091-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-4277601152444218902016-08-13T10:40:59.085-07:002016-08-13T10:40:59.085-07:00Brent,
The DWC reviews work wonders for us. We do...Brent,<br /><br />The DWC reviews work wonders for us. We do them weekly and man things run really smoothly over all.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-55585530062945790212016-08-13T08:21:05.305-07:002016-08-13T08:21:05.305-07:00Yeah, I honestly do. I think a lot of the women w...Yeah, I honestly do. I think a lot of the women who come to this blog and other blogs that are DD-oriented do see a difference between DD and BDSM and Femdom, to the point that I think they would stop coming here if I start including a lot of BDSM and Femdom content on here. I can obviously speak only to my own experience and the communications I've had with people in our small little community here. But, within that context, when I first broached the topic of DD with my wife, she was open to it (if skeptical and thinking it sounded a little weird) because it was a pretty easy concept to grasp: corporal punishment of her adult husband. No scenes. No play-acting. No complicated rules and rituals, and definitely no leather and chain and walking around in thigh-highs and leather bustiers. I do think the line between FLR and Femdom can be a little fuzzier, but in the end that's what it all is . . . line drawing. I think this chain is really confusing two concepts: understanding and accepting. Actually three: understanding, accepting, and adopting. I can understand something while rejecting in, and I can understand and accept while saying it's not for me.<br /><br />You're absolutely right that DD in the M/f context is probably MUCH harder for people to accept, and I will be candid in saying I struggled with this myself for a long time. Because of the size and physical power difference, and because of the eons of men dominating women in the home, workplace and church, there is now probably a knee-jerk reaction to associate M/F discipline with abuse, or at least with a *higher risk*of abuse. And, I'm not sure there is any harm in doing that, because we do want people to be on the outlook for abused people who need help. But, yeah, I do think people can come to understand it if the woman is open that this what she wants. As I said, I come from a pretty traditional background and I also may be abnormally attuned to domestic violence issues, so it took me a while to understand that women who are in DD relationships are often in them for *exactly* the same reasons I am. They aren't any more naturally "submissive" than I am. They are strong and maybe even dominating in some aspects of their life, but part of them wants to be subject to someone else's control, to be reined in and have boundaries imposed, and to pay some penance when they do something wrong. You were the guy who turned me on to some DD forums out there, where most of the participants are in M/f relationships, and that led me to things like the Taming of the Shrew blog, and interacting with folks in that dynamic got me past some of my own prejudices. They were very well-meaning prejudices, by the way, all bound up in being strongly against domestic violence and bullying. But, then, our most well meaning prejudices are the hardest to let go, aren't they?<br /><br />I think the jury is also kind of out on whether people are more accepting of spanking when presented as sexual adventurousness or corporal punishment. Honestly, I could see it depending a lot on what area of the country you are in. The phenomenon of 50 Shades of Grey is arguably a point on the side of people accepting sexual adventurousness, but then I remind myself that at bottom the plot of those books is about a twisted guy who gets into BDSM because he was abused and becomes an abuser, then the vanilla girl comes along and saves him from all that. In the end, it is a pretty anti-kink message, or at least is positive only as to really mild kink that might garner a PG-13 rating.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-25554296179361657012016-08-13T07:28:51.134-07:002016-08-13T07:28:51.134-07:00But, Dan, we are talking about vanilla outsiders. ...But, Dan, we are talking about vanilla outsiders. Do you think they are going to understand the distinction between DD and BDSM, Femdom and FLR? I'm out to some "outsiders" and it took a LOT of explaining and I think some who even accept STILL don't fully understand it. And even if they do, they'd probably have an easier time with the sexual adventurousness of BDSM...........especially if the relationship is M/F. Some well-meaning vanilla sees bruises and the one who put those bruises there says...."oh but we have a discipline contract". You think that is going to fly? Again especially if the bruises are on a woman?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79820580231853380162016-08-12T13:25:20.660-07:002016-08-12T13:25:20.660-07:00yes, well said .....................yes, well said .....................Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-65042933749415502472016-08-11T20:36:29.889-07:002016-08-11T20:36:29.889-07:00Why would they necessarily put it in that "ei...Why would they necessarily put it in that "either/or" -- abuse/assault or rough sex? We have a couple of thousand people who visit here everyday to a blog that is pretty relationship oriented and that isn't focused on either abuse/assault or kinky/rough sex. Why wouldn't they be able to understand the "complexities" of the DD dynamic? I don't really see anything all that intellectually challenging about these dynamics.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7843505242593244882016-08-11T20:27:41.118-07:002016-08-11T20:27:41.118-07:00OK, if you find that funny, then just how do you t...OK, if you find that funny, then just how do you think a vanilla person would categorize DD? To them it's going to either be criminal abuse/assault or "kinky rough sex". Do you really think the average person is going to understand the complexities of the DD dynamic? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68608959509896382812016-08-09T18:36:10.608-07:002016-08-09T18:36:10.608-07:00Hey Peter. Sounds like leaving everything to her ...Hey Peter. Sounds like leaving everything to her discretion works pretty great for you both.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-4696491450219833662016-08-09T18:34:41.197-07:002016-08-09T18:34:41.197-07:00That's great. Sounds like it really works for...That's great. Sounds like it really works for you.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-62636902623573039992016-08-09T18:33:44.510-07:002016-08-09T18:33:44.510-07:00We didn't have one, and after a decade of doin...We didn't have one, and after a decade of doing DD, it probably wouldn't do much for us either. Though, I could see it having a purpose early on, when some formality may keep the parties focused as they are trying to get the DD part of the relationship off the launch pad.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-51361614916677807422016-08-09T13:52:48.579-07:002016-08-09T13:52:48.579-07:00Dan
Once Anna and I agreed on what the principal 5...Dan<br />Once Anna and I agreed on what the principal 5 reasons were for discipline the degree of discipline or the instruments were left to her. I recall when we started one of the things that seemed to be important to Anna was corner time after. We agreed the time length would be UNTIL... that is until she said enough.<br />Another fact that came up soon after we began was a gentle warning that unless I thought before i acted or spoke there would be a rather long session come Friday. It works and to me as I saw her grow in power I grew in admiration of her as a partner. Our Fridays are often just a conversation to clear the air and then a dinner alone. It works for us.<br />PeterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-20608847403157074792016-08-09T12:32:42.184-07:002016-08-09T12:32:42.184-07:00We do have a formal contract that has been in effe...We do have a formal contract that has been in effect for about three months now. We felt it necessary to formalize our DWC relationship in order to keep us both on track. We found a template online that was based on the principles and teachings of the DWC and adopted that for our own use. The contract outlines each of our responsibilities and the behaviors for which I will be punished. We also incorporated weekly preventative spankings into the contract. The biggest advantage to the contract, in my opinion, is the monthly review, which is a great opportunity for a discussion of our relationship.<br /><br />BrentBrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17324977616074292897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-40803957921920996422016-08-08T18:39:04.532-07:002016-08-08T18:39:04.532-07:00This is Joe2,
To Kdpierre: Rough sex? I'm g...This is Joe2,<br /><br />To Kdpierre: Rough sex? I'm good with that, or as an uncle used to say, "That's the ticket." Ha, ha. "Honey, I'm really stressed. Can we have some rough sex tonight?" Well, if the kids inadvertently overhear us talking, they'll purposely ignore any noise they hear later. --- I can't stop giggling.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-21140040276610542002016-08-08T16:55:47.790-07:002016-08-08T16:55:47.790-07:00Legally-speaking.....it's a weird area. But th...Legally-speaking.....it's a weird area. But there is probably a huge advantage in the dynamic being F/M. Have a woman show up with those same bruises and I don't think a contract is going to help the husband out very much.<br /><br />Also, I wanted to bemusedly point out that the cartoon of the "counselor" is funny but totally voids the contract. You don't have a contract if either party signs under duress.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-62701529686153897372016-08-08T14:26:37.230-07:002016-08-08T14:26:37.230-07:00True enough on the consent issue in some states, b...True enough on the consent issue in some states, but it may make it way less likely that something would ever be prosecuted in the first place. And new laws get made all the time via decisions by judges, some of whom would look at that say that new exception needs to be recognized. On the civil front, whether or not it provides a formal defense it very likely would cause a jury to see a claim against the alleged abuser as complete BS. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-29216552976050434302016-08-08T08:12:26.050-07:002016-08-08T08:12:26.050-07:00We have a 'contract' and a separate list o...We have a 'contract' and a separate list of 'rules'. When we initiated things it was a symbol of our seriousness.............but now, after years of living this way, we hardly ever look at it. It's still there, but more of a cute reminder than anything else. Living and working through a DD establishes more of an understanding than any piece of paper.................which has no "legal" standing whatsoever.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-6449158085514247862016-08-08T08:07:33.866-07:002016-08-08T08:07:33.866-07:00Joe2, just keep in mind that depending on where yo...Joe2, just keep in mind that depending on where you live and how aggressive a well-meaning person wishes to be, such a contract, whether witnessed, notarized, or etched in stone will not absolve a person from charges of abuse. Many States' laws say that 'you cannot "consent" to an illegal act' and if the person sees the damage as the consequence of 'assault' a contract will mean nothing. However, it could be helpful to a reasonable person who sees it and just recognizes the issue as consensual rough sex.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-49110993178334624822016-08-07T15:46:51.238-07:002016-08-07T15:46:51.238-07:00Hi Bryan. Great observations, and emphasizes my po...Hi Bryan. Great observations, and emphasizes my point that something that may distinguish a DD contract from others involving spanking is the express permission to punish as severely as required. I know what you mean about "iron butt" -- same here.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68992970382202221212016-08-07T13:58:16.995-07:002016-08-07T13:58:16.995-07:00I've never commented on anything in the past a...I've never commented on anything in the past as I pretty much lurk and look for advice/ideas. <br /><br />I proposed a more FLR/DD idea to my wife of quite a few years at the beginning of the year. There were some things I had been hiding and lying to her about and it was really starting to bother me. I proposed the idea of her punishing me for past infractions to clear the slate and for any transgressions in the future. I also wanted her to keep me on track on other goals I had set for myself and she was going to punish me weekly if I fell short in the progress department. <br /><br />It worked very briefly and she took to the punishment part really quickly. However since I was more knowledgeable (fantisized about it for years, read numerous blogs, etc) and she had no idea of the lifestyle I tried to control things for the bottom and lead her down a path. It ultimately didn't work as she didn't really have a stake in the game and felt like I was trying to control everything. <br /><br />Fast forward to 6 weeks ago, we started talking about it again and this time I came up with a contract rough draft. It was written using numerous excerpts I found online and tailored to fit our needs. We went over it together and made the changes she wanted to see. <br /><br />It only has a few basic "rules" and some goals that I'm still trying to work on. It doesn't state anything about punishment implements or lengths, just that they will happen and will continue until she is satisfied. I'm not to try and interfere or postpone them (I had on one major occasion)<br /><br />She has been much more in tune with things since we did an actual contract. I feel like she thinks this is hers to control now and not me trying to control it anymore. She now feels like she does have the "power" to tell me what she wants and I've given her the green light to punish me severely if she so desires. She now knows she can't go too far in that regard. I put that ki d of language in tgere because I have a pretty iron butt and it takes a great deal to push me to my limits. <br /><br />Anyway that's enough rambling for now. I hope this reads ok. It's hard to do from a phone. <br /><br />Bryan in Texas. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-5117246676823592382016-08-07T12:45:46.962-07:002016-08-07T12:45:46.962-07:00Hi Anna. It's great you've had that abilit...Hi Anna. It's great you've had that ability to set aside a night for both connection and, if necessary, punishment. Nice tradition.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-30101756245690588972016-08-07T12:27:46.145-07:002016-08-07T12:27:46.145-07:00Dan
Before we began DD both Peter and I were in ma...Dan<br />Before we began DD both Peter and I were in marriage counseling for several months. Each of us had made a list of what sorts of behavior from the other partner were "deal breakers". After a few months passed it seemed I had been making an effort to make the changes needed and Peter had not. At that <br />point I asked Peter to move out. He was devastated but left. After four days he came by the house while the boys were in school. He asked me to punish him with a paddle if necessary. I agreed and he moved back. The first thing we did was to make a list of five things I felt were necessary for us to stay together.<br />To be frank most had to do with his behavior around our boys. We worked from that list. As I have said before Friday nites our boys go to my folks for an overnight. Friday became punishment night. It has remained that since. In the beginning it was every friday nite. Now I would say maybe once a month. <br />In my mind we renew our agreement every friday. Dinner out and a long chat about our lives and how we<br />feel. To be frank, his short temper is still the main cause. WE both agreed only I can choose how sever and how often. There have been bumps in the road but there has been growth and a mutual respect for each other. I have come to see his submission as an act of love and respect for me. That above all is what I find erotic about it.<br />annaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-76549439832335503472016-08-07T10:02:27.029-07:002016-08-07T10:02:27.029-07:00Dan and Dave;
I also like the formality of annual...Dan and Dave;<br /><br />I also like the formality of annual update to the code of conduct and the apparent ceremony of the annual signing, which may represent a re-commitment of each of you to the domestic discipline concept. This is an good example of the re-negotiation idea, which appears to happen when required and not less often than annually. Further, the re-commitment takes it one step further and adds, I think, an extra sense of dedication from each of you to each other and the relationship. Color me impressed. <br /><br />JackAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com