tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post8287810080492398626..comments2024-03-29T03:08:12.803-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 188 - Humiliation & HumblingDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-72031080416892835692017-01-18T03:56:09.588-08:002017-01-18T03:56:09.588-08:00Hey, Dan et al, long time. Ever since Merry's...Hey, Dan et al, long time. Ever since Merry's accident breaking her arm, I've slipped into lurking mode, reading without comment. But this kinda got my attention. <br />True: I enjoy being spanked, and I am 'nearly' impossible to embarrass/humiliate. I don't flat out say IMpossible, because not EVERYthing has been tried, and I can still conjure up memories from high school that utterly shame me. <br />I simply don't believe in 'punishment' or 'discipline' between consenting adults. For me, all the 'joy' in this, well, fetish, comes from a fantasy, such as having a strict aunt or mother-in-law or other maternal figure. <br />I'm sure I could write a lot more on this subject, but I'm drawing blanks for now.Merryslavehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11209310275450354399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64947910484794936602017-01-15T03:29:24.322-08:002017-01-15T03:29:24.322-08:00Yes, i'd much rather have Wife's friend kn...Yes, i'd much rather have Wife's friend know than another male. My Wife only sometimes threatens (or carries through) with embarrassing things. One She does is threatening -- and doing -- opening the bedroom window for one of my spankings. I never know if the neighbor might be outside or not (rarely is, but not knowing is a killer). She also did this at beach, opening window at a hotel room. <br />Yes, at stores she's sometimes said things like watch out, you're going to get punished when we get home, and i just look around so fast to see how people react, and somehow look down at the same time. But people take it as a joke, i think (except one waitress...). The thing with friends is letting out little things -- not spankings -- but that i'd cleaned the house well, or that i'd put the nailpolish on her toes. She'll say that to couples as we get ready to go out, rarely (thankfully). i've gotten some weird looks from the guy, and women usually are giddy to hear that... it's embarrassing, and i'll do things to try to stop Her from telling them. BobAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-21443561442319840892017-01-12T10:52:38.551-08:002017-01-12T10:52:38.551-08:00Hi Marisa. Believe me, I agree one should never un...Hi Marisa. Believe me, I agree one should never underestimate the extent men will go to avoid being humbled in front of other men. Or, really, in front of anyone, and you are right to explore ways to leverage that powerful male ego. I was actually thinking this morning about this in the context of concerns about whether kids of a certain age should know that dad gets spanked by mom. It occurred to me that if the couple's dynamic really is about DD, as opposed to something more sexually centered, then if the man and woman have agreed on the rules he could avoid the kids finding out by simply not breaking the rules. If he does and gets spanked for it and the kids hear it happening, seems like his own damn fault, right?<br /><br />I actually don't know whether another couple seeing it would be more or less threatening to the male ego, as opposed to just another male witnessing it. My initial reaction was that having a female there might actually detract from the embarrassment, particularly for men for whom the spanking is a fetish, but I haven't really thought it through.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-62505549052793872632017-01-12T09:25:22.214-08:002017-01-12T09:25:22.214-08:00Hello Dan
All of you naughty boys seem to fear ano...Hello Dan<br />All of you naughty boys seem to fear another male finding out how naughty you are and how your wife deals with you.I understand all the problems with any sort of public punishment. But I believe most of you would benefit from being spanked in front of a male witness or even better another couple. You would be acknowledging publicly and without reservation that you are under your wife's control and authority. I know Jay wants that but also fights against it. Maybe a public spanking would take him to where he needs to go<br />Marisa Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-62160703521448493862017-01-11T11:51:56.830-08:002017-01-11T11:51:56.830-08:00Hi Marissa. It's interesting that you bring up...Hi Marissa. It's interesting that you bring up the history of public corporal punishment. A few weeks ago I was trying to find a particular quote from Mark Twain about corporal punishment, and most of what I found on the 'Net, including movie clips, was about Tom Sawyer getting caned in front of the whole class at school. My own memories of corporal punishment in school is of it always being conducted in private, usually in the principal's office. But, of course, even then other students usually knew it happened or was going to happen. It shows how much sensitivities about this have changed over time. I also do think that some under estimate the career threat involved in "going public" where certain careers are concerned and in certain areas of the country. But, being spanked in front of another male would certainly get MY attention. I have even thought about how I would react if she ever commanded me to TAKE a spanking from another male. I don't see any chance of that happening in reality, but just thinking about it makes my heart jump into my throat.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-31013206500543867272017-01-11T11:04:43.404-08:002017-01-11T11:04:43.404-08:00Throughout history " public " punishment...Throughout history " public " punishment with its inherent humiliation has been used to discourage and punish behavior. Quite a bit of this has been public whippings or other varieties of corporal punishment. The fact that it was used so widely and long until very modern days suggests it was successful.But today it is simply not practical and potentially traumatic as well as career threatening. When I decide to spank Jay I want to teach him a lesson not destroy his life and so public punishment is simply not an option. But something I think of more and more is quasi public discipline where he is spanked in front of one ( or more) of my trusted friends, Even better because I know he fears it, I could spank him in front of another male or couple. Obviously I haven't done this yet and I may never do it. But I think its the closest thing available to administering public discipline and gaining the benefits of that.I would not have considered this two or three year ago but we are now at a point where I am weary of punishing him repeatedly for the same behavior.I know especially if I spank him in front of another male or couple ( no couple now is available but a male is),Jay would do anything in his power to avoid a repeat. I am not suggesting anyone else try this and it is risky which is probably why I have not already used it. But sooner or later a wife gets tired of revisiting the same issues ( I hear some of this echoed in Anna's remarks above). I am not going to divorce him while spanking still works but I am going to find a way to beat his ass that lasts a long long time<br />Marissa Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-32895479475658958622017-01-11T10:48:17.207-08:002017-01-11T10:48:17.207-08:00Hi Peter. Anna is right that we all need to be go...Hi Peter. Anna is right that we all need to be good examples for kids, and DD helps get our attention and makes us "feel" -- literally -- the impact of our actions on others. Where kids and work are concerned, it's always a tough balance. It's important that we be there for their games and activities, but it's also clear that their worlds don't fall apart if an occasional game is missed. I do have big problems with dads who are out playing golf instead of attending their kids' soccer games and similar self-centeredness. On the other hand, I don't beat myself up for missing some here and there. I saw far more than missed and spent many a boring, boring, boring afternoon watching games that were often about as interesting as watching the grass grow. I also feel that we ARE being good examples for our kids when we show them that success is usually a function of hard work. A few years ago, I had an older colleague who was financially set for retirement but who had a school-aged son as a result of second marriage to younger woman. I asked him at one point why he kept working, given that he clearly had the means to go do something else. He told me that he felt like it was very important that his son see him going to work every day even if he didn't have to at that point in his life. That really stuck with me. My personal goal has been for my kids to believe they come first when there is a legitimate choice between them and work, but that they also be critically aware that having a nice house in a good school district costs money, as do nice family vacations, good colleges, etc., and that the money to pay for those things comes at the cost of hard work including some late nights and weekends at the office or on the road. I definitely want my kids to think they come first, but my observation of the Millennials in our company leads me to think that few of them have suffered from lack of attention and positive reinforcement over the course of their very sheltered lives. Quite the opposite. <br /><br />I will now get off my soapbox.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-62162875548611821722017-01-11T08:52:37.269-08:002017-01-11T08:52:37.269-08:00Dan
More and more I see that the discipline I nee...Dan<br /><br />More and more I see that the discipline I need is the demands and limits on my behavior by my wife. I grew up with a workaholic dad, and seeing Anna's thoughts voiced above I see more <br />and more , she wants our boys to grow up with a sense that there are others in the universe. I tend to be myopic less these days.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-50722344812857131802017-01-11T06:26:37.269-08:002017-01-11T06:26:37.269-08:00At the time I made the call I thought she didn'...At the time I made the call I thought she didn't know. Later I found out she had known for some time.<br />AlanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-43169336180438663112017-01-10T13:39:44.774-08:002017-01-10T13:39:44.774-08:00Hi Anna. No rant taken. It is obviously true tha...Hi Anna. No rant taken. It is obviously true that kids pick up lots of lessons from what we do, not just what we say. It's never easy, and I think it is hard to predict in advance what lesson they will take from some of the things we do. My own father is one of the most hard-headed, anti-authoritarian people you will ever meet. He taught me a lot about standing up for yourself, not taking shit from anyone just because they think their position entitles them to it, and just basically not backing down out of fear or some elevated sense of decorum or respect for hierarchy. I'm glad I learned those lessons. On the other hand, I am someone who affirmatively asked my wife to discipline me when the kind of hardheadedness I learned from my dad crosses a line and gets me in trouble. <br /><br />I also wonder a lot about how living in a DD environment might impact kids, particularly girls. I can't imagine that it would not be empowering in the long-run for girls to see mom taking charge, even if it meant they knew about her taking him upstairs or downstairs for a paddling. I know that it is controversial and there are lots of opinions on this, but if I could do it all again, I would push my wife to be much more open about our dynamic.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-22719573179564587012017-01-10T13:21:04.528-08:002017-01-10T13:21:04.528-08:00Alan, I think you may have addressed this in a pri...Alan, I think you may have addressed this in a prior comment but I don't remember the details: Did your mother-in-law know about the DD aspects of your relationship before you were required to call and tell her you had been spanked for bad behavior?Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-338922653205253962017-01-10T11:16:54.227-08:002017-01-10T11:16:54.227-08:00Dan
I want to make the point that for a wife like ...Dan<br />I want to make the point that for a wife like me, who is raising two boys, who I want to have the <br />experience of a Dad who is committed to them. When Peter goes for drinks after work, or comes <br />home and then buries himself in the den working, I worry that the example he sets is what my sons<br />will think is the way a dad participates. Skipping a boys soccer game on saturday cause he was<br />hung over from an office gathering the nite before isnt ok. <br />I dont want my boys to grow up bickering with family (i.e. a BIL ) Snide comments dont teach the boys<br />to respect the person or even the family gathering. His presence alone for dinner isnt enough. He knows<br />all of this. I do find discipline seems to remind him. <br />Sorry if this comes off as a rant. It is something i feel so deeply about the lessons the boys seem to pick up at times.<br /><br />annaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47906802923242662612017-01-10T11:11:20.011-08:002017-01-10T11:11:20.011-08:00Public embarrassment either as punishment or an in...Public embarrassment either as punishment or an incentive to behave is probably as powerful a tool a disciplinarian has in her arsenal but it needs to be used cautiously.( I am excluding those mainly private settings where a close friend or member of the family is asked to witness a punishment)My former girlfriend several times threatened to come to my place of business, take down my pants and spank me in my office. She never did but she was capable of doing it and the threat was always taken seriously. I posted recently about the time she took me to a sex toy shop looking for a strap she made clear to the clerk was to use on me.She also sometimes left phone messages threatening a spanking or ordering me to report for one. At least one of these was overheard by a third party. My wife is open with one close friend and her sister but I don't consider that really public. But she will sometimes pat or lightly slap my bottom in a grocery store or out walking.This is actually very powerful for us since "controlling my bum" is part of our ritual. But I doubt anyone else except a spanko would understand what is going on.I was once required to call her mother and apologize for bad behavior earlier that day at her home also telling her I had just been spanked for that behavior. ( actually I was given a choice between a second spanking and making the call) That admission to her felt very public because her mother is not terribly discreet within the family and I imagine that story made the rounds.<br />Alan <br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-1055794628567332052017-01-09T18:24:39.393-08:002017-01-09T18:24:39.393-08:00Thanks, Jr. Will be interesting to see how the pr...Thanks, Jr. Will be interesting to see how the preventative approach works over timeDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37933079533111302352017-01-09T18:15:06.964-08:002017-01-09T18:15:06.964-08:00Hi Dan. Well it's Monday and true to her word ...Hi Dan. Well it's Monday and true to her word Dev gave the " preventative " spanking. She called me to the kitchen where she was waiting with her paddle. She wasn't angry but in discipline mode. She said I knew what this about and placed over her knee. Pants came down and immediately the paddling began. She used a heart shaped 5/8 thick wooden paddle. The first swat literally took my breath away ! I don't know how long it lasted but was by far the hardest one she's ever given. She said if we had any issues on the trip the next session would make this one look mild. Now I'm the one who will say " be careful of what you ask for. ". Jrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09387985161853012515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-82753050541283856422017-01-09T08:38:40.948-08:002017-01-09T08:38:40.948-08:00That is a good point -- there are also opportuniti...That is a good point -- there are also opportunities for post-spanking embarrassment.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-84086294793551164512017-01-09T07:30:27.294-08:002017-01-09T07:30:27.294-08:00I'm sure it does. Thanks, J.I'm sure it does. Thanks, J.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-55038283916566422302017-01-09T07:01:36.978-08:002017-01-09T07:01:36.978-08:00I did fine there. Grew up in N.Y.I did fine there. Grew up in N.Y.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-24977023398055094432017-01-09T05:37:25.133-08:002017-01-09T05:37:25.133-08:00For me it is the look, cannot explain, don't k...For me it is the look, cannot explain, don't know the mind of my wife or women, it is just that look. Trouble is other women if they see it, smile at me, I try and look away. Does not matter if we are on vacation or not, once back at home or the hotel room, I quickly feel that look. Going out to dinner afterwards is the worse, hard not to squirm without being noticed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-21275666820628206612017-01-08T17:56:24.475-08:002017-01-08T17:56:24.475-08:00Yes, that sounds like a good match for me. I tend...Yes, that sounds like a good match for me. I tend to get into confrontations with people who have very firm opinions but haven't really thought them through.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-49854579455489092892017-01-08T17:21:36.645-08:002017-01-08T17:21:36.645-08:00Repost. I had to correct some spelling.
If you w...Repost. I had to correct some spelling.<br /><br />If you worked at Intel they would love it. Their whole culture, as I recall it, encourages confrontation. But you need to have a logical set of reasoning. In other words, you don't have to be right all the time. But you do have to have thought out your point of view before you fight for it.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-92229525442036382182017-01-08T17:19:54.445-08:002017-01-08T17:19:54.445-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68106517466796442142017-01-08T15:14:41.101-08:002017-01-08T15:14:41.101-08:00Dan, I agree. Apologizing is hard and something th...Dan, I agree. Apologizing is hard and something that is not easily done, but needs to be done. If you don't apologize, the issue will remain forefront in your mind. If you do apologize, the issue becomes less and you get a 'cleansing' from doing it. What I mean is that if you really apologize in a heartfelt manner and mindset, then you feel better about it later. I have apologized for things and/or actions and it is humbling, that is for sure and you hope over time that the person you apologized to will accept it and let bygones be bygones. Not always the case. <br />Baxterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04746017492426748867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-272203486152090392017-01-08T13:53:00.226-08:002017-01-08T13:53:00.226-08:00Yes, "humiliation" is inevitably involve...Yes, "humiliation" is inevitably involved when I spank L. before some of my friends (or in some places where we may be overheard) but that is only meant to reinforce the idea that he must behave - no matter when or where...<br /><br />J. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-76127959668643697462017-01-08T12:17:40.708-08:002017-01-08T12:17:40.708-08:00You're right that there may be some degree of ...You're right that there may be some degree of humiliation involved in any real disciplinary spanking, which was one reason I was trying to be clear that the topic was really trying to focus on some added or different disciplinary element.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com