tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post7285356936574326508..comments2024-03-28T07:39:57.968-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Club - Meeting 357 - Adventures in HumblingDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-6241172511006410982020-10-31T11:08:46.323-07:002020-10-31T11:08:46.323-07:00Yes, they all have policies about that, especially...Yes, they all have policies about that, especially now. But you don't just dive straight in, you make a comment and see the reaction, and if it's good you rinse and repeat.juliesphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02856609580815309314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-87212577008209883592020-10-26T07:49:45.980-07:002020-10-26T07:49:45.980-07:00Yeah, lack of testosterone is definitely a buzz ki...Yeah, lack of testosterone is definitely a buzz killer. I have started to suspect that my general lack of energy and plunging libido this year were the inadvertent result of a form of intermittent fasting I was on most of the year.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64869810620334386002020-10-26T02:55:28.833-07:002020-10-26T02:55:28.833-07:00I think men (or couples) buying obviously-his-size...I think men (or couples) buying obviously-his-size-lingerie is pretty common in most women's clothing stores and departments! Just be adult about it and you'll be fine. And yes, they'll know!<br />CrimsonKingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48133307478865982612020-10-25T21:23:42.239-07:002020-10-25T21:23:42.239-07:00He's also still getting chemoHe's also still getting chemoMerry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-10430353730564262962020-10-25T20:37:05.261-07:002020-10-25T20:37:05.261-07:00In remission, but the lack of testosterone has kep...In remission, but the lack of testosterone has kept me sidelined from the, um, pursuit of happiness.Merryslavehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11209310275450354399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-41034117607996747132020-10-25T16:50:42.373-07:002020-10-25T16:50:42.373-07:00"It is kind of hard to be proud if you are so..."It is kind of hard to be proud if you are sobbing or openly crying. But it is hard to get there, and certainly not in any predictable fashion." I am sure the first is true, though I don't know personally (yet)."Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-73137829458278333092020-10-25T16:49:30.323-07:002020-10-25T16:49:30.323-07:00Hi JD. "So what's humbling and private? A...Hi JD. "So what's humbling and private? A spouse who acts as though her significant other is a junior partner subject to her authority and that for his own good and the good of the relationship that authority needs to be exercised, and often at that." Yes! Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-17639870126959316492020-10-25T16:45:26.898-07:002020-10-25T16:45:26.898-07:00Hi Shilo. I hope you (including your health) are ...Hi Shilo. I hope you (including your health) are OK. It is interesting that there are males who will volunteer to give spankings for the kink, but apparently few volunteers among women.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-45342186566183137252020-10-25T16:43:42.326-07:002020-10-25T16:43:42.326-07:00Good luck on the weight loss!Good luck on the weight loss!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-20807587116577798202020-10-25T16:42:46.541-07:002020-10-25T16:42:46.541-07:00ZM, that is a good point. While we shouldn't b...ZM, that is a good point. While we shouldn't be bound or limited by the most prudish among us, nor is it good form to impose your kink on others.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-45097161012703263132020-10-25T11:01:42.675-07:002020-10-25T11:01:42.675-07:00Hi Dan,
I guess I won't really get to writing...Hi Dan, <br />I guess I won't really get to writing anything substantive other than comments I already wrote on other peoples' posts, but really I don't have any great ideas for humbling, even though it is a pretty big focus for me. I think the "other people" thing is pretty huge, at least for me, so I can't imagine much that my wife could do just with the two of us that could compare to the humbling that having someone else knowing about it or seeing it would bring. As you know, I have been thinking a lot about the whole "others" thing almost non-stop for the past few months, and even though as far as I know nobody really knows all that much about what we do, even just having a few "hints" out there has been quite thought-provoking!<br /><br />And yes, JD, I agree that tears can play a huge role in humbling. It is kind of hard to be proud if you are sobbing or openly crying. But it is hard to get there, and certainly not in any predictable fashion.<br /><br />-ZM Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-80032419538236159272020-10-25T10:55:08.359-07:002020-10-25T10:55:08.359-07:00Hi Danielle, welcome back! I think you are right o...Hi Danielle, welcome back! I think you are right on about how even her using a certain tone of voice in front of people who know at least a little bit about the power dynamic in the relationship could be very humbling. They never need to know specifically about spanking, and certainly don't need to witness a spanking, for much of the same humbling to happen, just by her using her "command voice." Great input!<br /><br />And Alan, I agree about the primacy of spanking for me, but not quite to the same degree as you. For me a punishment could still be pretty impactful even without any spanking, but in pretty much every case, including spanking or the possibility of spanking would significantly amplify the overall experience.<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-76817966164822563622020-10-25T10:49:14.221-07:002020-10-25T10:49:14.221-07:00I totally agree that the "who was not himself...I totally agree that the "who was not himself subject to feminine discipline" would certainly be the key to the humbling aspect. If the other guy also gets the same thing, what is there to be embarrassed about?<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-91514640358941427312020-10-25T10:47:20.618-07:002020-10-25T10:47:20.618-07:00Being spanked by a man, having a man witness it, o...Being spanked by a man, having a man witness it, or even having a man know that my wife spanks me would definitely be very humbling. I am not sure if it would be more humbling than having a woman in each of those cases, having experienced neither, but I am certain that the feelings would be hugely different. I am not sure why, other than at least for me, the sexual element would be entirely removed.<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-11943143942789746402020-10-25T10:43:04.635-07:002020-10-25T10:43:04.635-07:00Hi Alan and Belle,
I can see why having a female k...Hi Alan and Belle,<br />I can see why having a female know about it or witness it would really change the dynamic around her. Interestingly, even having talked about "what if" a few different women knew about or witnessed a spanking has changed the way I feel when I am around them, even though they have no clue (or at least very, very little clue). I like the way Alan stated it about it stripping away the defensive wall that normally would be there.<br /><br />And Dan, I agree about the workplace "rat," but that would be difficult to realize without potentially creating a lot of problems. But still, a great concept.<br /><br />And finally, we will see about the weight thing, since tomorrow weight is being added to the weekly check-ins. Before I have been monitored on activity level and following of diet, but now she is adding some "teeth" to it by enforcing results (though the target loss amount is quite reasonable so should be easy to hit at least in the beginning.<br /><br />-ZM <br /><br />Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-36326059376775421082020-10-25T10:32:57.335-07:002020-10-25T10:32:57.335-07:00Hi All,
Being forced to go panty or bra shopping w...Hi All,<br />Being forced to go panty or bra shopping with it being clear who would wear the undergarments would be pretty mortifying (or of course the spa treatment). However, even if there was no chance of anyone finding out, so like if we were in some far-off place and nobody knew us, I would want to make sure that the salesperson wasn't offended, since it is unfair to put them in an awkward position. So it would have to be broached subtly, and with a clear eye on the response before taking it any further.<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79527901050464886602020-10-23T01:57:43.750-07:002020-10-23T01:57:43.750-07:00Eight years ago, when I decided I wanted, craved, ...Eight years ago, when I decided I wanted, craved, a REAL spanking, a woman would have been pay-for-play only. Male spankers, easy to find. I had five, all gay, I did not care. Then I met Merry. End of male spankers. Except at a spanking party, where I was asked to be a demo subject for a caning demonstration...Merryslavehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11209310275450354399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-49023566622929068782020-10-22T09:34:03.253-07:002020-10-22T09:34:03.253-07:00Welcome back Danielle. Your thoughts, experiences ...Welcome back Danielle. Your thoughts, experiences and insights have been missed. I believe you really work at DD and possess the temperament and flexibility to make it work on a daily basis. I wish to comment on your last posting addressing some of Dan’s questions re maternal discipline and using punishments beyond spanking. I agree that ancillary punishments, what Aunt Kay referred to as “reinforcements”, work well in a long term DD relationship. And they work particularly well if they are tied somehow to the behavior being corrected. Where my experience might differ some is the need to tie the reinforcing punishment pretty specifically to a spanking, either one administered or implied. Spanking is the core dynamic that other DD revolves around for me to the extent that if a spanking is not part of the discipline, I tend to blow it all off. For example the first time I was made to wear panties was after a spanking administered for (very (sexist behavior around her girlfriend. It really made a point I remember today long after the spanking has been forgotten She has mouth soaped me for garbage language (again after a spanking) and pegged me for arrogant or condescending behavior – both reinforcement that leave lasting impressions. She has also given me other reinforcements also including some mundane household chores and even volunteering for a community cleanup after I was spanked for sloppiness. But these usually come after a spanking or with the clear threat of a spanking if I don’t cooperate. This need for spanking actual or implied goes far back for me. At home spanking punishment was stopped as I got older and my Mom started using other punishments like grounding and loss of privileges, punishments that had worked for my older siblings (sisters). But they only made me rebellious and resentful. Spanking was the one thing that stopped me cold and still does.<br />Alan<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-36986319612574904152020-10-21T15:48:04.364-07:002020-10-21T15:48:04.364-07:00I think that continuing what she's doing, name...I think that continuing what she's doing, namely bossing you around like a strict mother would a surly, resentful teenager who has the prospect of a bare bottom spanking continually dangling over his head, is the best approach to take. The threat of your spankings, or the fact that you get them, being made public is some strong leverage for most of us, but one I find distasteful and couldn't accept for several reasons. It's somewhat unpredictable how it would affect relationships, it opens up what's private possibly making it less intimate, and the biggest is that it, or for that matter being spanked by a male stranger, just somehow seems like a different kind of humbling, the tone of it is different, especially if the witnesses are viewing domestic discipline from the outside. For instance being spanked by a man would just be a ridiculous experience to go through, one where I would be embarrassed to be sure, but unlikely to reach me on a deep level let alone leaving me feeling connected to my disciplinarian. I imagine it as similar to visiting a pro, embarrassing but also kind of empty. But then again, I'm sure this is an area where each of us differs.<br /><br />So what's humbling and private? A spouse who acts as though her significant other is a junior partner subject to her authority and that for his own good and the good of the relationship that authority needs to be exercised, and often at that. It's an attitude of dominance that for me is at the heart of this sort of thing. Here's a few examples that come to mind: sudden shifts of mood, especially from affectionate to, well let's not call it bitchy, but inquisitive in a particularly persistent and demanding manner; giving direct orders on matters under her authority with no more justification than "because I said so"; seeing her partner as needing direction and correction, and so frequently delivering lectures and scoldings; talking about spanking in a casual manner, not necessarily publicly but with little regard for how it might embarrass him; prioritizing her expectations and evaluating how well they're met; and maybe increasing intensity by spanking longer instead of harder. Perhaps the strongest way she can display this dominance is by constantly making him feel accountable to her, "What did you do (this afternoon, today, etc.)?". Having to regularly justify oneself and one's behavior in the hopes of avoiding punishment is pretty humbling, it makes it clear you aren't equals in authority no matter what others might think. Probably more oversight than many would care to take on, but maybe a good fit for some.<br /><br />And yes, of course, tears. A cathartic cry is an embarrassing and intimate expression of vulnerability, and that seems like an altogether different experience of humiliation than some of the other options you mentioned. Also a public spanking ending in tears is on an entirely different level from one that doesn't. The latter just seems kind of kinky, exhibitionist.JDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-49130429549746812652020-10-20T13:30:13.739-07:002020-10-20T13:30:13.739-07:00Hi Danielle, and I know I speak for the group when...Hi Danielle, and I know I speak for the group when I say "Welcome back." <br /><br />As you know, there definitely are differences between Wayne and me, but that doesn't mean that a lot of your advice on this speak to me and, yes, stir me. As you've described him, Wayne seems to have a pretty strong kink around humiliation. I really don't think I have that. In fact, I find watching others being humiliated very disturbing, to the point that I will skip past scenes in movies that involve a good person being humiliated by a bully; I really don't like watching things like that and don't get off on experiencing them.<br /><br />BUT, the level of control I associate with maternal discipline and the whole maternal relationship--which I think of very much as you describe it--definitely does do something for me. And, while it is erotic for sure, I think the drive for me really is not about eroticism or kink. My upbringing was kind of unconventional in some respects, primarily in that I had a pretty absurd degree of independence at an absurdly young age. I've also now spent 25 years in a very aggressive, driven, "big swinging dick" kind of profession. I think that when you live at the extremes whether by virtue of personality or environment, you may end up craving more balance BUT to become balanced you kind of have to get yanked in the other direction. So, because I really lacked any semblance of maternal discipline growing up, I think part of me really craves very, very strict discipline now. And, yes, there definitely is erotic energy bound up in there somewhere, though it's almost the opposite of Oedipal. I have a good relationship with my mother now, but growing up she was extremely erratic. As a result, I think I've internalized this desire for really structured, together, domineering women who are very in control of their environments.<br /><br />As for your specific recommendations, don't think I would resist any of them, and some (like witnesses) would probably be a bigger stretch for her than for me. But, things change. As you say, my wife "would have to be comfortable with the role of *realistic* maternal disciplinarian to her husband." A couple of months, I would have said the odds were against that happening. Now, I'm not so sure.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-82842660516202805432020-10-20T12:09:52.624-07:002020-10-20T12:09:52.624-07:00Dan,
If I was Anne, I would take my cue from your...Dan,<br /><br />If I was Anne, I would take my cue from your own words. You said you feel like you need “much stricter *maternal* discipline.” And you mentioned how humbling you find it to be “bossed around like a teenager by a strict mother.” You said that “in the moment” you find that “irritating”, which implies, I guess, that beyond the moment you are turned on by the idea of being stripped of your adult status by your wife. (I may be reading too much into your words, based on my experience with my own husband, but that’s what I’m hearing).<br /><br />So WHAT IF Anne pushed the adult/minor dynamic to its logical conclusion. She has already taken a step in that direction by assigning you chores and warning you not to forget to lock the doors under threat of being spanked. But if she really wants to exercise her authority in a “maternal” way, I think she should consider deploying the full range of disciplinary tools adults employ with minors. In other words, in addition to spankings, she could consider consequences like grounding, loss of privileges, early bedtimes, etc. She could also consider limiting your personal discretionary spending by putting you on an allowance which could be suspended for disciplinary purposes as she deems appropriate. She could impose curfews and require you to get her permission if you wanted to go out for drinks after work. From what you have said previously, I believe you would find those auxiliary measures more truly humbling and embarrassing than simply having your bottom paddled. <br /><br />Let’s push the parent/minor analogy a step farther. If you were really a minor, there would be no reason for Anne to hide her authoritarian status from other people. So, if I was Anne, I would probably let some select group of people (maybe certain friends or family members) in on the secret that she wields real authority over you and expects you to obey her. Speaking to you in an authoritative way in the presence of certain people would certainly humble you, wouldn’t it? Then, if the people were curious, that could lead on to her revealing to them that she disciplines you, and maybe even to spanking you in front of a willing witness, as others have suggested.<br /><br />I don’t know whether this would work for you and Anne. I am suggesting things I have done with my own husband. He is different from you in some important ways, but he is quite similar to you, I think, in his (erotic) feelings about “maternal” style discipline. And, of course, Anne would have to be comfortable with the role of *realistic* maternal disciplinarian to her husband. Getting comfortable with that was a gradual process for me, and discomfort with it was one reason for my initial rejection of FLR.<br /><br />Danielle <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-3790734281230454682020-10-20T10:02:45.353-07:002020-10-20T10:02:45.353-07:00From a male’s perspective it’s more than just beha...From a male’s perspective it’s more than just behavior that changes. The whole relationship changes with a woman who has witnessed a disciplinary spanking. With both women who have witnessed me receive a spanking I changed in my attitude and demeanor around them but they both changed also in their interaction with me. The simplest way to describe it is that it was like a wall between us had been torn down, any defensiveness I had toward them dissolved and an openness that had not been there. Your deepest secret has been revealed dramatically and there is no way that genie ever goes back in the bottle. Before it happened my sister-in –law and I had a somewhat strained relationship. Now we are very comfortable with each other and she has even been my advocate on a few issues. So behavior change yes, but much more as well.<br />Alan<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-4305997703850443002020-10-20T09:52:47.305-07:002020-10-20T09:52:47.305-07:00Thanks, Cecilia. I can see how many of the interac...Thanks, Cecilia. I can see how many of the interactions in your second paragraph would be very humbling.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-56663872940728421132020-10-20T09:50:45.149-07:002020-10-20T09:50:45.149-07:00I am a HUGE fan of Cool Hand Luke. I personally i...I am a HUGE fan of Cool Hand Luke. I personally identify pretty strongly with Luke's particular brand of anti-authoritarianism and love the fight between him and George Kennedy's character and what it reflects about his personality. Of course, the way things end for Luke is obviously a lesson in what often happens to those who fight authority.<br /><br />I agree that being spanked in front of my MIL would be very humbling, to a big extent because I have a somewhat stereotypical relationship with mine, i.e. I've never really gotten along that well with her and she makes me kind of crazy. Being spanked in front of someone you don't care for certainly would ramp up the humbling.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88446486775835507862020-10-20T09:44:32.193-07:002020-10-20T09:44:32.193-07:00"[R]eceiving a punishment spanking in front o..."[R]eceiving a punishment spanking in front of another male who was observing to humble me but who was not himself subject to feminine discipline would fully challenge my ego to accept." That part about "who was not himself subject to feminine discipline" really does seem key to the humbling aspect, doesn't it?Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com