tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post5946443755267104116..comments2024-03-29T03:08:12.803-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 190 - Growing Up With RulesDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-44449708142413789202017-01-30T06:45:38.468-08:002017-01-30T06:45:38.468-08:00When Aunt Kay held her occasional Couples Gatherin...When Aunt Kay held her occasional Couples Gathering, the high point was the Confessional sessions. The men would bring a written description of something they craved punishment for and release from. They were completely confidential.<br /><br />She studied them and then assigned each man to a different wife who would discuss the confession and administer the spanking. Believe me. The women took their responsibilities seriously.<br /><br />The theraputic result for the men who took the whole exercise to heart was beyond belief. A couple of guys reported getting rid of guilt from decades past.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48785077029671425722017-01-26T07:45:23.157-08:002017-01-26T07:45:23.157-08:00Joe 2
I totally understand what you have said. Th...Joe 2<br /><br />I totally understand what you have said. That was how i managed. When I met Anna she brought me back to focus. As time passed I found for me, I want to state this is my take on me only, that FLR has become the way I can stay in focus. <br />peterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88669655793527772022017-01-25T20:14:23.956-08:002017-01-25T20:14:23.956-08:00From Joe2,
I grew up with few rules, but all were...From Joe2,<br /><br />I grew up with few rules, but all were strictly enforced. The focus was on being a good person (do not lie, cheat or steal, etc...). But my parents and siblings were/are very smart, naturally focused, and high achievers. I wasn't. My parents did love me and did not belittle me, but it was apparent that I was ignored when compared to my siblings. So I decided to have fun. While I always tried to be a good person, focusing on tomorrow was not high on my priorities. I found out years later that my parents voted me to be the child most likely to die before the age of 25. Pretty funny now, but I am glad that I did not know about it then.<br /><br />Only after I married the love of my life and had the responsibility of providing for my family did I start buckling down and figuring how to be successful both in my marriage and profession.<br /><br />How I linked spanking into this is a long story that I have mentioned in earlier posts, but here are the major points: 1) To be held accountable before I left the reservation; 2) The punishment needs to not affect "tomorrow" (A spanking may hurt tomorrow, but it will not cause performance or emotional after effects. For instance, I do not like humiliation and my natural impulse is to fight that which caused the humiliation.); 3) I used to lift weights a lot and mentally I have linked pain with good outcomes. For instances I used to do "squats" until my body was screaming in agony.<br /><br />I do not live in a FLR, nor do I get punished for bad acts, but when the stress is high, I feel like I am losing control of my performance, lose sleep, and start acting poorly around others. So a spanking brings me back into focus.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-56724213434581095292017-01-25T13:20:06.291-08:002017-01-25T13:20:06.291-08:00Great example of concrete steps. Thanks, Anonymou...Great example of concrete steps. Thanks, Anonymous.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-57572300908949023672017-01-25T06:34:16.624-08:002017-01-25T06:34:16.624-08:00Yes. I know exactly how you feel. Dev will say &qu...Yes. I know exactly how you feel. Dev will say " you're going to get spanked for that ". The seed is planted and I wait<br />for her to come in a follow through as you do. When it doesn't happen I feel anger and frustration that leads to depression. We had a long talk two months ago. I said I was just going to come up to her and ask to be paddled. She said she was fine with that. I haven't done it yet but will try today. Jrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09387985161853012515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7451615632631458752017-01-24T07:38:43.817-08:002017-01-24T07:38:43.817-08:00We took a unique path to get started. Everyone is...We took a unique path to get started. Everyone is different, I asked my wife if I could schedule a time for a 'therapy session'. I would write-up a description the bad behaviors that characterized our relationship over the past 3 years. My indifference to her for example. My laziness in some areas. I would write a paragraph describing how awful it was and how much that I wanted to be better. Then, I asked her to please spank me so I would be a better man for her and us. I did this for 5 sessions. She so enjoyed the change in my behavior that we are totally on the same page at this point. Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64045459926430880702017-01-24T07:12:00.876-08:002017-01-24T07:12:00.876-08:00I strongly agree with Anna's advice. At the be...I strongly agree with Anna's advice. At the beginning of my relationship with the woman who introduced Dd, she would often make remarks like your wife does such as " you should be spanked for that" or " someone needs a spanking" Ultimately I realized it was sort of a negotiation conversation going on in which she was testing the waters to see if I would submit. Remember this was early and she was still uncertain ( later that uncertainty goes away pretty fast). But think of it as a conversation asking a question and you supply the answer that encourages and reassures her. It might not guarantee a spanking this time but will greatly increase the chances one will be in the offing.Women who are not experienced disciplinarians want to know you will submit to their authority.Incidentally offering to bring her brush or simply answering " yes ma'am" to her was very effective in those situations. <br />AlanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-21011622373070175692017-01-23T13:44:45.540-08:002017-01-23T13:44:45.540-08:00Anna- Thank you! Great way to put it, asking if I ...Anna- Thank you! Great way to put it, asking if I should get the paddle. I was trying to figure out a way to support her inclination to spank and affirm I'm open to it but at the same time not take over or commandeer the spanking by as soon as she says anything i'm then demanding she "perform". As Dan knows this has been quite a work in process w wife and I. At this critical stage for us in the process I wouldn't in any way want her to start thinking she has to watch what she says otherwise she'll get pushed into action by me. I don't know if you can recall the beginning of your DD experience but I'm now excited just hearing her think in those terms. Darrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02308416826203465913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-76860186594859704192017-01-23T12:49:54.067-08:002017-01-23T12:49:54.067-08:00Dan & Darren
May I make a suggestion. Perhap...Dan & Darren<br /> <br />May I make a suggestion. Perhaps Replying to her in a way that wont intimidate you might say something like : " If you think it I deserve punishment shall I get the paddle and bring it to you ?"<br /> or<br /> " If you feel that way shall I remove my belt." <br /><br />If she dismisses you at that moment, when you are having an intimate chat with her tell her how you <br />felt at that moment. Why you feel after a spanking will make it better. I also think keeping a journal and making sure you are honest about how you dont want to push on her for discipline but how you sense its a way you can get control or whatever your issues are.<br />Just a thought... <br /><br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-52616297412623881992017-01-23T11:46:20.662-08:002017-01-23T11:46:20.662-08:00It's great she is making so much progress. I ...It's great she is making so much progress. I can't say that mine is great about dealing with offenses as soon as they occur, so I may not be the best person to give advice. Though, many of our impediments are kid related. But, a few thoughts:<br /><br />(1) I can't think of anything particular to say or do, but I give mine a journal on a regular basis, and I try to use it to give her lots of positive reinforcement when she takes things to a new level or seems to make some notable progress. <br />(2) Maybe keep paddles or straps in strategic locations around the house, such as in the kitchen or family/living room, so an implement is at the ready whenever she might have cause to use it. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37023092534332428402017-01-23T08:48:35.699-08:002017-01-23T08:48:35.699-08:00Dan-
Based on your opening comments this week, I ...Dan-<br /><br />Based on your opening comments this week, I don't want to be one of us that then diverts from the actual topic buttttttt. Your opening thought were GREAT!!!!! I even shared excerpts with my wife in the context of a "thank you" note to her for her awesome efforts of late adopting DD into our relationship. Your comment recognizing the wives in terms of it being so hard for an innately vanilla wife adopting this later in life and in a long-term marriage to an alpha husband who has been in charge and largely beyond rebuke for all these years (25 yr marriage and jesus...at 53 am I already "later in life"?). I'm not sure what switch has flipped with my wife but things have changed dynamically of late. For the first time since trying to start this 2 years ago she is making comments like "you deserve to be paddled" or even "you're getting paddled for that". So back to your point of this being a forum for those of us trying to learn and desperate for advice and anecdotal experiences from those that have gotten over the hump and accomplished a DD relationship. You've referenced several times all the people who are looking at your blog but don't comment. I think the majority are in fact looking for some form of guidance. In that vein....i just commented my wife has gotten over a HUGE hurdle of thinking in a DD mindset recognizing things I need to be accountable for and now even commenting as much. HOWEVER, she hasn't been great at getting the paddle and actually SPANKING. The last 2 times she commented i went to my den and was waiting for her to come in w the paddle or call for me. Both times after neither happened she later said she got caught up with something around the house.....but when she said what that was both times it was something she easily could have put off. So...would be interested in 2 different comments if anyone is open. First is there a way to get her more comfortable to "jump in to action". And secondly.....i'm new to this too! Is there something I should be saying or doing to advance things or make it easier for her? I'm not inclined to say "OK...then go get the paddle for her" I don't want to pressure her like that and admittedly I do want her to be the one to initiate it. Thoughts, comments, POINTERS would all be WELCOMED!Darrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02308416826203465913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-43184152980637220002017-01-22T14:53:55.074-08:002017-01-22T14:53:55.074-08:00I had never heard that one. Great quote!I had never heard that one. Great quote!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-50312208299020490122017-01-22T14:47:01.020-08:002017-01-22T14:47:01.020-08:00Peter
I believe it was Talleyrand who said ( I'...Peter<br />I believe it was Talleyrand who said ( I'm paraphrasing ) Don t ever bother to try to get even. Just put their name on a slip of paper and time and fate will do more in the way of revenge than you could ever dream. We shall see. Ask Peter next saturday morning.<br /><br />great topic<br />annaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-74911645754439902632017-01-22T11:23:53.557-08:002017-01-22T11:23:53.557-08:00Hi Peter. There are so many nuances to this stuff...Hi Peter. There are so many nuances to this stuff. When I think through it, my own dad never set rules and was anti-authoritarian, but in his own way was also very demanding, and his own work ethic was off the charts.<br /><br />Not going near the "true bitch" comment with a ten-foot pole. Hope that one doesn't get you spanked!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-50689047190936920362017-01-22T11:20:02.165-08:002017-01-22T11:20:02.165-08:00Exactly! Exactly! Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-23401111713359064182017-01-22T11:18:52.568-08:002017-01-22T11:18:52.568-08:00Hi TB. Couldn't have said it better myself. :...Hi TB. Couldn't have said it better myself. :-)Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-11436510376942159162017-01-22T11:16:54.496-08:002017-01-22T11:16:54.496-08:00Long ago I gave up trying to understand the why. I...Long ago I gave up trying to understand the why. I can and have at various points in my life blamed either an over indulgent mother and/or a stern and demanding dad who never thought I worked hard enough. Is that what made me find DD a refuge and way of life that demands I pay attention to my wife and boys.<br />Is it erotic? sometimes. Often it is not. What it is has turned out to be for me is a way to communicate with my wife and family. What I have discovered is the discipline she enforces on me has made me a better and loving husband and father. I am not perfect and to be honest there are times I think she is being a true bitch. But there is no feeling better than after a punishment session to curl up next to her and feel loved.<br />peterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-61620010399666766392017-01-22T11:02:39.975-08:002017-01-22T11:02:39.975-08:00I was brought up in a strict environment, surround...I was brought up in a strict environment, surrounded by women at home but sent to a strict Catholic school where the strap was used daily. I had and still have an authority problem, I am always 'right' and tell me to do one thing and I will try if possible to do the opposite.<br /><br />Our developing DD relationship has enabled me to grow and learn in ways I never contemplated before. I have learned patience, that being wrong sometimes is OK, to be respectful and enjoy it and most importantly to submit when I need to learn some humility.<br /><br />It's not perfect but having found a side to my very long term partner that is accepting of my spanking interest and is prepared, even keen to use that to create those boundaries that I spent most of my life trying to breach. I am learning the value of rules and boundaries, of respect and consideration, and mostly of the release in submitting to a long, painful, loving correction!<br />TBAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-41263183862730945522017-01-22T10:12:25.090-08:002017-01-22T10:12:25.090-08:00Yes, it is interesting how diverse these reactions...Yes, it is interesting how diverse these reactions can be. Take even our own spouses. They are not 'perfect' and probably feel the need to apologize for certain things now and then...........but you don't see them looking to trade places in a disciplinary setting. And even in that setting, they don't use their own reluctance to be punished for their shortcomings as absolution for our transgressions. ("Neither of us are perfect, but only one of us is going to end up spanked around here.") It really is so much more about each party being true to their perceived role.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47218773665119842432017-01-22T09:58:47.080-08:002017-01-22T09:58:47.080-08:00Totally agree with your second paragraph.Totally agree with your second paragraph.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-6645711601612804432017-01-22T09:20:51.024-08:002017-01-22T09:20:51.024-08:00Your last sentence definitely fits my own situatio...Your last sentence definitely fits my own situation. Isn't it interesting how some of us do feel a lot of guilt over those perceived shortcomings to such an extent that we want to be held accountable for them, while others are either less self-aware or more self-forgiving?Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-2487676640272004832017-01-22T07:34:11.389-08:002017-01-22T07:34:11.389-08:00I was raised fairly strictly but there were far mo...I was raised fairly strictly but there were far more expectations than formal rules. I don't know if the strictness led to my later desires or not. Most likely it only was part of a more complex puzzle.<br /><br />A lot of my desire for consequences stems from guilt over my own shortcomings though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-62796464719385536522017-01-21T18:38:07.035-08:002017-01-21T18:38:07.035-08:00One way is not more "real" than the othe...One way is not more "real" than the other, and merely expecting a woman to lead might be the wrong way to go about things. If it's a FLR, then ideally the woman should lead, but it needs to be on her terms, and not how the male (or anyone else) expects it. My personal opinion is that there should be open and honest communication about both his and her expectations, and if the male has a need (not a desire) that isn't being met, he should talk to the woman about it, otherwise, the relationship is doomed to fail.<br /><br />Some women are leaders, others are followers, so patience is important. Even a follower can learn to be a reluctant leader, and then a leader, it just takes time.<br /><br />As for my home,there were rules, and I followed them because I saw what happened to my (often bratty, spoiled) friends. My parents became more lax as I got older, but I just preferred to either stay out of trouble or just be sneaky about it.Merry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-53051953948735522192017-01-21T16:36:00.816-08:002017-01-21T16:36:00.816-08:00I'm sorry to hear that, and will leave it at t...I'm sorry to hear that, and will leave it at that.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-16626116475680241992017-01-21T16:35:41.258-08:002017-01-21T16:35:41.258-08:00Thank you, Anna. When I conceived of the two polls...Thank you, Anna. When I conceived of the two polls and this topic, I was thinking of whether the level of chaos and rules growing up might have an impact on a man's desire for domestic discipline and corporal punishment. Your comment shows that I should have been more inclusive, as it is equally interesting to consider whether the level of chaos growing up might influence a woman's desire to impose discipline on her husband or at least her openness to it. It's an intriguing proposition for me personally, because my wife took to DD surprisingly easily and was also surprisingly open to it from the day I brought it to her attention, and like you she came from a very chaotic home environment.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com