tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post4824167905692438390..comments2024-03-29T03:08:12.803-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 126 - Consensual Non-ConsentDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-43580234051930718202016-03-13T09:03:31.019-07:002016-03-13T09:03:31.019-07:00You should be aware that some states do not recogn...You should be aware that some states do not recognize consent as a valid defense to a charge of assault, especially in situations comparable to DD. For example, Massachusetts does not recognize consent as a defense to an assault with a "dangerous weapon," and it has held that a riding crop is such a weapon. Commonwealth v. Appleby, 380 Mass. 296, 303-304, 402 N.E.2d 1051 (1980). New York and Nebraska courts have reached similar holdings. In those states, whether the consent can be revoked is an issue that is never reached because legally, it cannot be given. <br /><br />Even where it could be given, as a public policy matter, I would place the chances of a court holding that consent to assault is irrevocable at less than 0.1 percent. To allow it to be irrevocable would create a horrible precedent that could place people in great danger.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-63872154664910618612016-03-03T16:26:33.649-08:002016-03-03T16:26:33.649-08:00Merry,
You are of course correct, but many more ...Merry, <br /><br />You are of course correct, but many more have it than not. Just like not all men are "of few words." We need to accept and appreciate the differences between the sexes. Neither are superior to the other- just different. But it doesn't mean we can't laugh at the differences. It makes life fun.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37493911489992581122016-03-03T11:38:57.681-08:002016-03-03T11:38:57.681-08:00@ Joe2 Not ALL women have that gene!@ Joe2 Not ALL women have that gene!Merry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-70547366877035884062016-02-27T10:51:22.885-08:002016-02-27T10:51:22.885-08:00With my first girlfriend, the spankings came quick...With my first girlfriend, the spankings came quickly ( a month or so) but real consent as used here was a work in progress for a while ( maybe two years or longer)We talked about it as her authority rather than consent and both of us thought of her authority as something that was being established one spanking at a time.I did resist many spankings and a few I refused to take causing real friction between us even leading to a breakup of several months duration. One night I did something very bad and when she found out I was told she was coming over and I would be " severely punished". I said no and even locked the door but she used her key and not long after I lay over her lap, crying for the first time after receiving what still might be the hardest spanking I ever received ( except for post ejaculations spankings which came much later)That night her authority was established and consent was made permanent as I never resisted a spanking from her again ( or tried to get up during one)Before that night I had consented to being spanked one spanking at a time but after that night her authority to discipline at will was firmly established.I think her will was greater than mine and when she decided I was going to be spanked, I was spanked and that took all of the resistance out of me. With my wife her authority was recognized before the first time she spanked me, partly because she had been in a previous DD and knew what she wanted and probably partly from my experience with my girlfriend from earlier. I do believe once a man has been spanked by one woman it is easier to obey and accept the authority of another woman who decides to spank you. But maybe everyone goes through the early parts of it when rebellion has not been spanked out of you.<br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-21683728141355152822016-02-27T09:39:20.132-08:002016-02-27T09:39:20.132-08:00Sub-hub,
When you said "I'm going to tak...Sub-hub,<br /><br />When you said "I'm going to take 20 minutes to get to the point," I had to laugh. <br /><br />It must be genetically ingrained in women to do that. And it must be genetically ingrained in men to want to say in the same situation, "There were some problems at school today, it got sorted out. You want something to drink?"<br /><br />I learned a long time ago, "I have to pretend to care, because I give a s$%t." If I miss five minutes of a movie, my wife will spend six minutes telling me what I missed. I try to listen, if that fails I try to mentally resolve a paradox between a scene in Star Trek season one and season two. But sometimes, I blurt out- "did the good guys win?"<br /><br />It isn't going to change, we just have to accept and find some interesting paradoxes to be resolved at a future date.<br /><br />Joe2Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-46139585840017218592016-02-27T06:08:48.385-08:002016-02-27T06:08:48.385-08:00Stipulated.
MarisaStipulated.<br />MarisaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-14349380279565922742016-02-26T14:56:09.216-08:002016-02-26T14:56:09.216-08:00 Hi Subhub. I know what you mean. The submission ... Hi Subhub. I know what you mean. The submission is tested and deepened in those moments where you really, truly do not want the spanking but do it anyway.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48749842984022974632016-02-26T13:41:33.598-08:002016-02-26T13:41:33.598-08:00Hi Dan,
I've been away from he screen for a s...Hi Dan,<br /><br />I've been away from he screen for a spell recently and hadn't seen this post until just now. What a timely topic, at in the subhubphx household.<br /><br />I've never been one to prattle on and on about definitions of things because i believe that each of our situations is unique enough that a single "definition" can mean multiple thins to different people. That being said, I believe that term consensual non-consent is a term that is as universal as they come. In the context of spanking, it implies that consent from the spanked is simple not required, or considered, again in the context of a FLR/FLM. To that point, essentially, anytime any of us are subject to a spanking, i believe it is a consensual non-consent situation, in that even though we may not like it when we know we are going to be spanked, we accept our fate because we know we've screwed up in some fashion, enough to warrant a spanking.<br /><br />Perhaps the "other" kind of consensual non-consent you are referring to is the kind that happened to me recently. I am a dutiful, submissive husband and almost always know that even if I am correct in a discussion (dare I say disagreement), my commitment to my submission to my wife will mostly allow me the internal comfort necessary to just yield to the higher power, and thus demonstrate my dutifulness and submission. Recently my Mistress Wife and I were discussing an issue we were having with our child at school. Mistress was telling me about something that happened that day at school and decided to take the "I'm going to take 20 minutes to get to the point" route. She knew tat the end of the story everything turned out well for our child. I did not have that luxury and at that particular moment, all I wanted to know was that everything was fine with our child. I became impatient and essentially blurted out "GET TO THE POINT!" Mistress did NOT like that at all and ended our conversation abruptly, leaving me still without the knowledge of the status of our child (end of the story). We snipped at each other for a while and she agreed with me .... she should've told me the outcome of the story so i wouldn't be sitting there worrying about a shitty ending. I was still steamed about and I wasn't able to leave well enough alone and continued with my raised-voice demeanor and anger. <br /><br />Mistress had had enough and while I was railing on about this, that and the other, she went for her paddle and came to me and ordered my hands to the table. I was in no mood to "play" at this point but I knew immediately that this was going to be one of those situations where I was going to continue to be upset, and continue to misbehave until she was able to paddle some sense into me .... and then some.<br /><br />It was one of those rare occasions where my true submission was tested. I thought, albeit only for a nano-second, about physically not letting her spank at this particular moment. I instinctively (now) understood that doing so would be the ultimate display of disrespect in our FLM and would go against the vey vows of our marriage. So, I turned and faced the table, put my hands on it and she swiftly pulled down my pants and began "correct my behavior" on my bare ass.<br /><br />Normally when I am spanked, even harshly for punishment, I end up with an erection. Such was not the case in this situation. I stood there, snarling and snorting with each swing of the paddle against my naked flesh ..... and it HURT!<br /><br />When she was done she tossed the paddle on the table in front of me, told me to put it away and left the room.<br /><br />It took me less than 2 minutes to calm down and when I did, I had such a feeling of gratitude and love for my wife that I called her back into the room and with my pants still lowered and my crimson ass still visible and stinging, I knelt before her, wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head in her belly. I apologized profusely and thanked her intently for giving my the spanking that I had just received.sub hub in phxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17489169642204094414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-34543254396383997732016-02-26T06:45:45.716-08:002016-02-26T06:45:45.716-08:00Marisa, In reading your response it seems like we ...Marisa, In reading your response it seems like we actually agree. Everything you (or anyone) has said about how the roles, need, and dynamic creates a situation where authority becomes more established is very true. It is true for me and Rosa as well. Obedience is expected. Her authority is established, and I acquiesce to her decisions on punishment even when I don't fully understand them.<br /><br />I warned in my first post here that this issue is one of semantics and precision for me, not a contradiction of how many of us have come to live.<br /><br />My point is simple: like you said.....a 195lb guy cannot really be 'forced' to endure something he doesn't want (hell....my own mother understood this) nor should he. What 'should' happen is a submissive guy listens to what his Top says and trusts her judgement. But in doing so, he is consenting in the moment.<br /><br />A fine point maybe to some, but an important distinction nonetheless.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-44357413824895864162016-02-26T06:40:38.680-08:002016-02-26T06:40:38.680-08:00Marisa, In reading your response it seems like we ...Marisa, In reading your response it seems like we actually agree. Everything you (or anyone) has said about how the roles, need, and dynamic creates a situation where authority becomes more established is very true. It is true for me and Rosa as well. Obedience is expected. Her authority is established, and I acquiesce to her decisions on punishment even when I don't fully understand them.<br /><br />I warned in my first post here that this issue is one of semantics and precision for me, not a contradiction of how many of us have come to live.<br /><br />My point is simple: like you said.....a 195lb guy cannot really be 'forced' to endure something he doesn't want (hell....my own mother understood this) nor should he. What 'should' happen is a submissive guy listens to what his Top says and trusts her judgement. But in doing so, he is consenting in the moment.<br /><br />A fine point maybe to some, but an important distinction nonetheless.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-34709545342769880302016-02-25T23:58:42.237-08:002016-02-25T23:58:42.237-08:00Rob,we've done it as a topic, and the response...Rob,we've done it as a topic, and the responses were pretty varied. Everything from, it helps in giving up to control, to he should be able to stay in place and take it without being restrained. I asked to be restrained thinking it would help be give up control, knowing that I could not get up or resist even if I wanted to. I would characterize it as mildly effective in that respect. It does help to know that I can't get up mid-spanking, but it has not resulted in some cathartic capitulation in which I finally just let it all go.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-20280947694496900902016-02-25T19:21:12.522-08:002016-02-25T19:21:12.522-08:00Dan,
This is off topic, but:
I agree that our wi...Dan,<br /><br />This is off topic, but:<br /><br />I agree that our wives do have a common issue with not spanking as hard as we think we should be spanked, but that is a good thing. Because they grow into the experience. I think most of our wives would be happy if they did not have to spank us, but our desire is a tool that they use to make us better. <br /><br />My wife is not a mind reader, so she has to use her experience and watch my reaction to being spanked to decide on when to stop. My problem is that I need to be spanked harder when I start to feel overwhelmed at work; which is a precursor to lowered performance. Having said that, to correct my "feelings" requires that she carry me to the edge; which is personally harder for her. It is harder for her, because I haven't done anything wrong yet. The norm is to: 1) spank to correct, not to prevent and 2) harder for punishment than prevention. And I have turned that paradigm on its head. <br /><br />To make this paradigm shift work, I have to clearly tell my wife what is going on that is causing these thoughts, what I am thinking; and where my emotions are. I have to do this before she spanks me.<br /><br />One big complication (and many of you have mentioned this before) is that how we physically feel pain changes from day to day. I don't about the rest of you, but for no apparent reason, some days she can cover my bottom in bruises and I still feel the need for more and other times I'm ready to stop just when she is getting warmed up. But I since I know that my wife is doing this for me, I will take too much pain over not being spanked. Spanking is a tool that works for me: my performance at work is much better; which makes everything else better. Besides, how many fetishes actually benefit our lives.<br /><br />Joe2Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-24696845871235911722016-02-25T17:46:10.459-08:002016-02-25T17:46:10.459-08:00Marisa- Agreeing here, too. Can't picture (her...Marisa- Agreeing here, too. Can't picture (here) "one and done"... once a Wife sees you over Her lap, things cannot be the same! Obviously room to discuss and negotiate (hopefully), but as a spanked male i know She immediately got the upper hand. <br />-robAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-59400176823132623892016-02-25T17:40:23.761-08:002016-02-25T17:40:23.761-08:00ZM- i really like the way you've said all this...ZM- i really like the way you've said all this... sounds familiar, perhaps! :) <br />-robAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-85949888990417782092016-02-25T17:38:23.355-08:002016-02-25T17:38:23.355-08:00And here, i think being "pushed" further...And here, i think being "pushed" further is part of the attraction. If it gets legalese, maybe there are other issues :) <br />-robAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-33701728424290266932016-02-25T17:35:01.547-08:002016-02-25T17:35:01.547-08:00Dan- i hope you talk more about your requesting to...Dan- i hope you talk more about your requesting to be restrained during a spanking. Or perhaps you have... i'm in the process of going back through all these threads. Here, Wife has restrained me (and me Her), but only for sex, not Her spanking me. <br />-robAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-21386589063439375032016-02-25T17:30:10.833-08:002016-02-25T17:30:10.833-08:00Merry- Great pointing out that we men often don...Merry- Great pointing out that we men often don't understand at first, but after being explained to us, we agree You were right after all! <br />Dan- i've been fascinated when i see large guys being disciplined, submissively acquiescing. i'm a bit smaller than Wife, probably why... :) <br />-robAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-11536122216200074932016-02-25T17:25:23.235-08:002016-02-25T17:25:23.235-08:00John- Have to admit, it does come as a shock when ...John- Have to admit, it does come as a shock when it's a spanking you didn't "initiate"... quite a change! <br />- robAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-57853041626719074792016-02-25T09:57:33.486-08:002016-02-25T09:57:33.486-08:00I and my wife totally agree with this view, becaus...I and my wife totally agree with this view, because it does not matter if you are male or female, once you agree to go over a lap and be spanked, you have consented, if you havn't, and you have been forcibly been pulled over a lap, it is legally termed as assault. Hairbrushedhubby.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-29424366297951434722016-02-24T22:58:36.283-08:002016-02-24T22:58:36.283-08:00Marisa;
Thank you for your reply. I agree with e...Marisa;<br /><br />Thank you for your reply. I agree with everything you said. I find your comments stimulating. <br /><br />I think KD is not wrong either - but he seems really zealous (overboard, perhaps?). But I think his points are well thought out, and presented well, are very focused, and clearly are very important to him. <br /><br />Thank you, and Anna both for sharing. The amount of testosterone on from the contributors of this topic is so thick we could not cut it with a knife. The comments from women are greatly appreciated. Things become clearer to me when the women comment. <br /><br />So, Thank you both again.<br /><br />Jack Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-82439869407774114132016-02-24T15:27:36.048-08:002016-02-24T15:27:36.048-08:00Dan,
This is a fascinating discussion. And I lik...Dan,<br /><br />This is a fascinating discussion. And I like the analogy of: scotch, whiskey and brown alcohol. My only input is towards your questions: Have you ever been spanked against your will? How did that come about?<br /><br />I am the person that does not live in a FLR, but asked that my wife spank me to perform better at work. I have to self report and my report is as much about how I am feeling (despondent, good, etc...).<br /><br />Three of our rules are: 1) I cannot object to being punished; 2) When she punishes me we don't talk about it for 24 hours (give or take a few); and she decides the time of the punishment.<br /><br />On day I got a very significant traffic ticket. Before it was over, I had to get an attorney to get it reduced to a speeding ticket. But the speeding ticket caused our car insurance to go up. So not only did I take a safety risk, but it also cost my family significant money.<br /><br />The night that I told her about the ticket she spanked me extremely hard for that offense. I was just a few strikes from using my safe word. My bottom was marked for weeks.<br /><br />During the punishment I was mentally torn. She was punishing me for an activity that was outside of our agreement and she was using our rules against me. BUT I had done something that was clearly risky; directly impacted my family; and punishment would hopefully clear the air.<br /><br />The 24 hour rule actually paid off, because we both had time to process what happened. During that 24 hour period it was validated that the punishment had greatly reduced the ill feelings that she had towards me. By the time that we discussed the punishment my wife had recognized that she had stepped over the line and apologized. My position was that our rules were only about work and unless she was willing to be spanked, then it needs to remain focused on my work. However, it was evident that her punishing me did greatly reduce the normal ill will that occurs when a spouse does something wrong. Consequently, I did tell her that if she ever thought that she wanted to punish me for anything outside of our rules, we need to talk about it and come to an agreement. It has never happened again, so who knows how this will play out. <br /><br />Joe2Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48615558953274569402016-02-24T10:18:55.769-08:002016-02-24T10:18:55.769-08:00Hello KD,
You certainly are one for hypotheticals....Hello KD,<br />You certainly are one for hypotheticals. But I will try to answer some of your questions.Yes I believe my husbands consent is ongoing and a main point I was making is that we both believe the authority he gave me is permanent as is his consent to it. If either of us stopped believing DD was right for us , we would of course stop but I have a very good imagination and can't imagine that happening given who both of us are.Finally your implied analogy between the context of rape and the context of F/M spousal spanking isn't convincing. " Real rape" ( yes I dare use that term because its overdue to smarten up the PC crowd on that)- real rape is forcible rape and no one is ever forcing a 195 pound body builder to go over his 105 pound wife's lap for a spanking.Finally I am not responsible for the inanities of English law.BDSM isn't my thing but anyone who want to practice it has a right to do so given the consent of their partner. Government should stay out of the bedroom and as far as possible out of the lives of citizens ( no I am not voting for Donald Trump) Thanks for letting me get a few things off my chest It may not sound like it but I do find your comments stimulating.<br />Marisa<br />Marisa <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19675902438589815122016-02-24T07:42:26.473-08:002016-02-24T07:42:26.473-08:00You picked three of my personal favorite DWC stori...You picked three of my personal favorite DWC stories. I agree that the Military Duty Calls story is very hot. I'm not entirely sure why, but it is.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7554709970438863612016-02-24T07:40:51.339-08:002016-02-24T07:40:51.339-08:00"Desiring to lose a dominance contest" ...."Desiring to lose a dominance contest" . . . I really like that. Thanks!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-41730817047071953602016-02-24T06:33:47.431-08:002016-02-24T06:33:47.431-08:00Alan: LOL....but we are going to have to disagree ...Alan: LOL....but we are going to have to disagree on that "over intellectualizing" claim. IMO nothing can be OVER intellectualized. Nit-picking analysis is stimulating and fun. What better conversation to engage in than scrutinizing some topic to death and beyond? ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com