tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post4128410161704540936..comments2024-03-19T05:22:47.025-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Club - Meeting 330Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37000729560379904452020-02-15T08:47:40.421-08:002020-02-15T08:47:40.421-08:00"I don't think that has as much to do wit..."I don't think that has as much to do with DD as it does with character, and even if we never tell our kids anything about DD, what we model will greatly shape what they expect from their relationships/spouses." I totally agree with this, though I do think that DD has allowed my wife to more openly express her personality and project a more powerful female role model.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-66640865458722428432020-02-15T08:45:43.758-08:002020-02-15T08:45:43.758-08:00Alan, I think that's right. It was the early ...Alan, I think that's right. It was the early exposure that led to Holly's eventual adoption of DD. Though, I think she also recounted something that was a bit like Liz's experience with Art. Once her husband learned that her mother had spanked her father, he seemed to get fascinated with it, and she thought he was almost non-verbally "asking for it" by acting out.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47772986052138431672020-02-15T08:43:22.643-08:002020-02-15T08:43:22.643-08:00Sprinkled throughout 2014 and 2015. Unfortunately...Sprinkled throughout 2014 and 2015. Unfortunately, she just stopped commenting at some point, and I don't know whether she lost interest or something happened to her or in her personal life. I kind of hate it when that happens. There was another commenter from around that same time, Marisa, who I really miss having around.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79456266549738610302020-02-15T07:41:31.605-08:002020-02-15T07:41:31.605-08:00I would be interested to read Holly's posts. W...I would be interested to read Holly's posts. When were they?<br />LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-81123710437783488882020-02-15T07:34:45.455-08:002020-02-15T07:34:45.455-08:00Using Liz's term "linear", I agree t...Using Liz's term "linear", I agree that DD practices likely do not automatically re-occur in succeeding generations.(although I maintain that genetics is probably involved in the predisposition to DD, but the environment (experience) must trigger it or it remains dormant)So if your wife spanks you it doesn't necessarily mean your son will end up over his wife's lap some day)But as I remember Holly's posts, her experience at home did predispose her to use spanking to deal with marital issues that came up even though she originally planned not to do so. After all she could have resorted to divorce, nagging or just settling for a bad marriage as many women have before. But instead she picked up a paddle, something I doubt she would have done without her earlier experience<br />AlanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88458604230277271672020-02-15T07:21:56.073-08:002020-02-15T07:21:56.073-08:00Hi Dan,
As I have said before, my kids don't k...Hi Dan,<br />As I have said before, my kids don't know anything about our DD, at least as far as I know. It is certainly possible that they have found things or whatever that may indicate that spanking is going on, but if so, they probably think it is a kinky game that they don't want to know anything about, and have no idea which of us are spanked (or maybe both).<br /><br />As far as telling them, I would say only if they asked at sometime. It would be my preference that if anyone knows, it NOT be my kids. As far as passing on useful things, I have a couple of thoughts. First off, I believe that our relationship is a very good model; we treat each other with love and respect and we both go out of our way to do more than our fair share. I don't think that has as much to do with DD as it does with character, and even if we never tell our kids anything about DD, what we model will greatly shape what they expect from their relationships/spouses.<br /><br />Secondly, while I expect that DD might be effective for anyone, I believe that it is very powerful for us because it is so deeply rooted in my fantasies. When she speaks to me using my deepest fantasies, messages tend to come through much better. If I had no fantasies around this - either the discipline or the power shift that is so evident when discipline is imposed - then it might be that DD would still moderately effective, but I have to think that it would be much less so.<br /><br />-ZM<br />Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-73089129093299480732020-02-15T05:49:34.638-08:002020-02-15T05:49:34.638-08:00No, it wasn't for the woman I quoted above, Ho...No, it wasn't for the woman I quoted above, Holly, either. She and the rest of the family were aware that her mother spanked her father. Later, her mother encouraged her to do he same, but she resisted and didn't want to run her marriage that way. Then, her husband kept acting like an overgrown child, culminating in him calling her at bitch. At which point, she took a belt to him.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-36066645247881239922020-02-15T02:38:55.107-08:002020-02-15T02:38:55.107-08:00She was voicing her frustration... based on her ex...She was voicing her frustration... based on her experience. She would have thrashed my Dad if he had acted that way. But she did not make the suggestion to me, nor did she think Art would follow through in any way. Nor did I get the idea to punish Art from my knowledge of my parents DD. The one with the least DD experience, Aet, is the one who suggested it. Which is why I commented that it is not linear.<br />LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-74265180814420388702020-02-14T16:12:03.346-08:002020-02-14T16:12:03.346-08:00Really just trying to understand the context and w...Really just trying to understand the context and whether (a) when your mother said Art should be thrashed she was making the recommendation based on experience, or just generally voicing frustration about his behavior; and (b) whether you knew not just about adult spankings as a kid but, particularly, that spanking could be used as discipline among adult partners.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-16952232472644896772020-02-14T15:46:55.524-08:002020-02-14T15:46:55.524-08:00They were disciplinary and we assumed they were th...They were disciplinary and we assumed they were though it wasn't explained. Are you asking for some particular reason?<br />LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-1062867365944812972020-02-14T07:49:19.086-08:002020-02-14T07:49:19.086-08:00Liz, again, sorry if I have forgotten this, but we...Liz, again, sorry if I have forgotten this, but were your parent's mutual spankings disciplinary/punitive, and did you know that at the time? I really should recall your previous posts on this, but it's been that kind of week.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-57479747134469048122020-02-14T07:47:30.140-08:002020-02-14T07:47:30.140-08:00Hi Alan. I agree, but I think there is a differen...Hi Alan. I agree, but I think there is a difference between being open *about* your sexuality versus openly *showing* it to others without their consent. I think a great example is the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. People engage in all sorts of *very* explicit sex acts, but people expect to see it and are going into it with their eyes open, literally and figuratively. That's very different from something like being exposed to hearing an adult spanking at a vanilla party or overhearing it in a store (though, as I said, I think about 99% of those stories are total bullshit).Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-59284881109089444672020-02-14T07:38:53.751-08:002020-02-14T07:38:53.751-08:00Thanks, Chuck!Thanks, Chuck!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-59183575332930648882020-02-14T06:55:16.949-08:002020-02-14T06:55:16.949-08:00When I talked to my mom about DD, she said she nev...When I talked to my mom about DD, she said she never expected Art to take her literally but is glad he did. I am too. Even though DD was a part of my parents' marriage, I never expected it to be part of mine. As Dan days, it's not linear within families. It seems like it has to be a conscious decision rather than just evolving naturally. I give Art credit for initiating this strategy which helps him be a better man. <br />LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-71987588574646748132020-02-13T22:20:07.239-08:002020-02-13T22:20:07.239-08:00My wife had taken the kids to her mother's bec...My wife had taken the kids to her mother's because of my arrogance toward them. I went there to talk to my wife. Her mother blocked me at the door. I said, "I need to see her." She said, "What you need is a good thrashing." I went home, thought about it, and agreed. And told my wife after we reunited.<br />ArthurAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-28851793504129765792020-02-13T12:26:50.730-08:002020-02-13T12:26:50.730-08:00I agree strongly as far as "imposing" th...I agree strongly as far as "imposing" the life-style is the issue. But at the same time, we need to be aware of the history of sexual "minorities". As long as they stay hidden, they face rejection and hostility. It's a dilemma. But this blog and a few others offers a forum for the "curious" to plug in and explore their own feeling about female led DD. That is progress. There are a lot of curious males out there and at least a few curious females and offering them information is an opportunity that simply didn't exist a decade or so ago.<br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77690127440636535132020-02-13T11:42:15.161-08:002020-02-13T11:42:15.161-08:00Arthur, I apologize if you or Liz have told us thi...Arthur, I apologize if you or Liz have told us this before and I've forgotten, but can you tell us (or tell us again) about the comment from your mother-in-law and how that led to your DD?Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-90729802514844130122020-02-13T08:40:19.046-08:002020-02-13T08:40:19.046-08:00Your articulated the result; I addressed the proce...Your articulated the result; I addressed the process that can lead to that result. We arrive at the same destination via different roads.<br />Alan<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-42806024433127824612020-02-13T02:07:40.769-08:002020-02-13T02:07:40.769-08:00The only person who knows that I am spanked is my ...The only person who knows that I am spanked is my mother-in-law, and she triggered our DD by making a comment while my wife and I were temporarily separated that I deserved to be thrashed. But I am extremely embarrassed that she knows and am much more reserved around her, which she probably thinks is because of the spankings but actually is because she knows about the spankings. I would be even more embarrassed if a man knew. It's just such a blow to my male ego ... even though I did ask for this. <br />Arthur Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78515642980103683352020-02-12T15:51:07.222-08:002020-02-12T15:51:07.222-08:00Exactly what I was saying, Alan. Men experience a ...Exactly what I was saying, Alan. Men experience a deeper level of surrender. <br />LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88664152073444587732020-02-12T09:23:22.258-08:002020-02-12T09:23:22.258-08:00Hi Liz ( and Dan),
Your general notions on the eff...Hi Liz ( and Dan),<br />Your general notions on the efficacy of spanking and gender are very much on point. I do also tend to agree with Dan that a woman assuming the role of disciplinarian in our culture might get a larger "payoff" from it ( I am paraphrasing Dan) than a similar male might because of the still deep power differences between the genders in our culture. Both women I have had disciplinary relationships with have "bloomed" in terms of their assertiveness and self confidence outside the relationship. This may have happened anyway but I believe the power they experienced as disciplinarians had a big role. One last point on this fascinating topic: I am not sure the strength to resist that you impute to males is always greater. There is a psychological dimension to it that can be very powerful. Since the first time my pants were taken down and I was spanked when she insisted and I didn't want it ( at the time) I have not had the will to resist or stop a spanking although there have been many I strongly wanted to stop. So whatever physical advantage I theoretically have, it is neutralized by my need to obey her. Yes I would get up or stop it if the house were on fire or other emergency occurred but otherwise I am over her lap or across the bed until she tells me she is finished.<br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-27219852015319200082020-02-12T09:19:51.142-08:002020-02-12T09:19:51.142-08:00Please understand that the above entry by my wife ...Please understand that the above entry by my wife is all hypothetical. When I am spanking her erotically over my knee, I never restrain her. When she wriggles off my lap it means she is ready for bigger and better things!<br />ArthurAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-73285752749829692072020-02-12T07:02:52.404-08:002020-02-12T07:02:52.404-08:00Danielle-
That's amazing. How liberating for A...Danielle-<br />That's amazing. How liberating for ALL. Interesting that M seemed to be sort of welcoming of both you and Wayne being open with it. He didn't shy away from it , didnt say he's fine if that what you guys do but that "i don't need to know" ....or even what you'd probably expect which would be to be fine w it BUT go to his room to distance himself from it and give you guys your privacy. Also noted he pro-offered he had some experience if not exposure to D/s. We're all a bunch of spankos here so I can't imagine i'm the only one that wondered as he stayed in proximity to hear the spankig and then to talk about it w Wayne if perhaps he might be a bit more than intrigued. Wonder to what extent he might have thought about it, even become curious or JEALOUS lol. He ever brought it up w/ either of you since? Made it a bit of topic of conversation at times?Darrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02308416826203465913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-36520892747733281422020-02-12T05:45:16.339-08:002020-02-12T05:45:16.339-08:00LizLizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-69937608913504823232020-02-12T05:44:30.515-08:002020-02-12T05:44:30.515-08:00My experience has primarily been as a child. In my...My experience has primarily been as a child. In my household, where both boys and girls were spanked, I saw no difference in the efficacy. We all responded to corporal punishment pretty well, but we didn't truly fear it and sometimes broke a rule (like playing outside in school clothes) expecting to be caught and spanked. The boys may have gotten it harder because they were stronger, but the parental goal was always contrition, regardless of what it took to get there. <br />As I think about adult DD, however, I do see a gender difference based on the assumption that the male typically has more physical strength than the female. That is, if Art put me over his knee, I am quite sure he could hold me there even if I tried to resist. Whereas I would not be able to hold him in place. So the spanked wife is in the position of not having the choice to resist, while the spanked husband can likely end the spanking at any time. The spanked wife, then, must have a deeper trust that her spouse will not take things too far. The spanked husband, on the other hand, may be demonstrating a deeper level of surrender by remaining in position and allowing the spouse to decide the severity of the punishment. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com