tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post2578074096206335637..comments2024-03-28T07:39:57.968-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 189 - Am I Getting Through to You? Repeat OffensesDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-90802630058431938482017-01-29T14:41:50.749-08:002017-01-29T14:41:50.749-08:00Worst tanning I ever got was for playing around wi...Worst tanning I ever got was for playing around with my phone at dinner. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-85156039530730051582017-01-23T01:44:50.831-08:002017-01-23T01:44:50.831-08:00I don't think I could put up with repeated mis... I don't think I could put up with repeated misbehaving or rule-breaking, especially if it was for the same thing every time. It only proves that my chosen method of disciplining isn't working. The last time Shilo did something that was worthy of actual punishment (and he will admit to it) was about 2 years ago. This isn't to say that I don't give him real (hard) spankings when I want to, or am able to, it just means that he follows my rules and is obedient. I'm a Sadist. I enjoy spanking him hard and watching his bottom and thighs and sometimes other places turn color and occasionally bruise.I'd rather enjoy myself and be happy with him, than be disappointed in his behavior and punish him. This just means I've done my job and both of us reap the benefits.Merry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-59938676165781809512017-01-21T13:22:44.549-08:002017-01-21T13:22:44.549-08:00I understand how that could be an issue. Keep at i...I understand how that could be an issue. Keep at it, and keep talking to each other.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-13596224467332311732017-01-21T12:26:39.495-08:002017-01-21T12:26:39.495-08:00Thank you Dan. A lot being said here and I'm ...Thank you Dan. A lot being said here and I'm listening. For us, the number thing doesn't quite work because she can make 20 wreck me for 4 days or make me a little rosy. For us, the process has defied quantitative specificationsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47273156074832902202017-01-21T11:46:12.924-08:002017-01-21T11:46:12.924-08:00Sounds like the two of you have a lot to talk abou...Sounds like the two of you have a lot to talk about. It does sound like at least part of the problem is keeping the conversation at a fairly abstract level, and maybe just pushing her faster than she is comfortable with right now. When people are coming at this cold (which both my wife and I were when we started), neither knows what to expect, and I'm sure it is very hard for a loving and emotionally nurturing wife to get comfortable giving a real disciplinary spanking, or a "redemptive" one as you characterize it (which I kind of like.) It's why concrete processes are helpful (and why I am more than a little frustrated that I didn't get many concrete comments on what was supposed to be a very concrete topic), because they take some of the decision making and self-doubt out of things until both parties get comfortable with the process. Having some really simple rule, like "For every drink over two it is 10 swats" or "showing disrespect is 20 swats and 10 minutes of corner time" can be both comforting and liberating, especially if it is progressive, starting with something she can easily handle emotionally and increasing as she gets increasingly comfortable. <br /><br />For some reason, this wasn't a big issue for my wife. She got comfortable pretty quickly with giving me a big number if that is what I had earned. Her struggle has been more with stepping into the "strict wife" demeanor and being more verbally tough and directive.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-3533982604523363042017-01-21T09:28:10.664-08:002017-01-21T09:28:10.664-08:00This 'session' was scheduled and I filled ...This 'session' was scheduled and I filled it with confessions and requests for a redemptive spanking. She got tired of hearing that it's not enough, so she disengaged herself (emotional and mental) from the session. The problems came from setting expecting based on her being there. Without her, it was an empty, lonely, hurtful, and unsatisfing experience for both of us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78066035291441368522017-01-20T20:39:21.448-08:002017-01-20T20:39:21.448-08:00"If I go too far, she just smiles at me coldl..."If I go too far, she just smiles at me coldly and says " Just carry on and when you're calmer we will deal with this" <br /><br />Love that kind of control!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-23638052950632139552017-01-20T19:51:48.988-08:002017-01-20T19:51:48.988-08:00Thanks, Anonymous. "Two strikes and you'...Thanks, Anonymous. "Two strikes and you're out." Sounds like she has figured out how to make that stick.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-69490130792682137102017-01-20T14:28:27.056-08:002017-01-20T14:28:27.056-08:00As far as my wife is concerned, life is supposed t...As far as my wife is concerned, life is supposed to be simple for her; one of my major tasks as a submissive husband is to keep it that way. A mistake or transgression on my part, made for the first time, will invite some sort of discipline, depending on how much it annoys her. It could be severe or merely a short, painful reminder, but it will be done because she believes that improvement is most likely to be brought about through demonstration and correction.<br /><br />Woe betide me, however, if I make the same error, oversight or slip of the tongue twice. For my wife, it's two strikes and you're out. As a minimum starting point, I am grounded until further notice. No leaving the house at all, no beers with the boys, no football games, no respite from chores. Depending on the offence, I can also expect to lose computer privileges, sleep on the floor rather than in the marital bed and anything else that strikes her as likely to inconvenience me. On very rare occasions (two so far in all our time together), she has considered it necessary to replace her favoured flogger with the rattan cane, which is used until she sees the response that she is looking for. <br />I am pleased to report that I have not infringed in one particular way on a third occasion. It's just not worth it...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37880667524694059972017-01-20T12:22:37.024-08:002017-01-20T12:22:37.024-08:00I really like Anna's comments about submission...I really like Anna's comments about submission. Perhaps I didn't read Dan's response carefully enough, but I came away a little confused about the distinction between DD and D/s. I guess my marriage is based on a power exchange that centers on submission to my wife's authority. I am submissive. I have vowed to serve my Mistress as a 24/7 slave, and I do my best to keep that vow. That doesn't mean that punishment is not necessary. I am beaten almost every day, and I spend a great deal of time begging for forgiveness and vowing to be a better servant. These transgressions are often very simple things, such as being five minutes late with a meal, or failing to pay close attention to her simple needs, such as a coffee refill or clearing her dinner plate away promptly. At the end of the day I kneel and remind her of any transgressions, and more often than not I get a quick caning or paddling. Nothing earth-shattering, but painful enough. Other times as I am doing my chores she beats me on the spot, quickly, efficiently, and we go on with our day.I like the feeling of subservience that these small beatings engenders in me. My point is that corporal punishment can be quite common even in a service-related relationship. The goal of my beatings is not the punishment itself, which may be Dan's main interest, but improving my subservience and attentiveness to my Mistress. <br /><br />How do wives deal with repeated bad behavior? Well, in my case the kinds of bad behavior that Anna described -- staying out with the guys, that sort of thing -- is no longer an issue with me, though it was early in our relationship. I admit that the canings did little to cure me of such things back then, but there came a moment when she took things to a new level. After I had a few brews after work yet again without permission, she not only caned my ass but introduced me to two things we had not used before -- a ball gag and a humbler. Those went on early on a Saturday morning and stayed on most of the day, a day filled with hourly ball whippings. I don't know if you've ever worn a gag for 12 hours with no food and no real break, but I assure you it is a lot worse than it sounds. And a few hours in a humbler is no fun at all, especially when your balls are whipped at the top of every hour. (That thankfully did not go on for 12 hours, but it was long enough, believe me.) There's nothing even slightly erotic about this. It's something that I go out of my way to avoid. It was a miserable day, and I've been through it a few times since, but not recently. In retrospect, I'm grateful that she does this on occasion because it helps me be a better slave, but when it is actually happening I do not feel that way at all. FRANKB<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-75378134066655626702017-01-20T11:29:13.042-08:002017-01-20T11:29:13.042-08:00All my offenses are repeats - I am punished for ru...All my offenses are repeats - I am punished for rudeness, disrespect, moodiness, playing with myself and reading inappropriate fiction. The benefit of being in a 'wife spanks husband' relationship are that those behaviours can be limited and 'rewarded'. Whilst I may enjoy the spanking fantasy, I do not particularly enjoy having my backside roasted, being made to undress and put myself into the prone position whilst I am lectured and forced to listen to my shortcomings, how they affect her and what is just about to happen to me.<br /><br />She almost never punishes when she is angry so there is a real 'adult' calmness about the sessions. I do repeat the offenses but less so than I used to and I know where the boundaries are. Yes, I still go into bad behaviours territory - I get angry, I am rude, I do all the things that I know are wrong but not anywhere near the levels that I would go to pre this spanking era.<br /><br />If I go too far, she just smiles at me coldly and says " Just carry on and when you're calmer we will deal with this" Those words, that look are at least as powerful as any punishment.<br /><br />Repeat offenses? All the time but they are definitely getting better and less serious as I know exactly where I will end up. TBAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-18524665394045463612017-01-20T09:23:00.184-08:002017-01-20T09:23:00.184-08:00And she told me last night that I have to personal...And she told me last night that I have to personally "remind her" this morning that I need a spanking. Arrgh!Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68945903341759888752017-01-20T08:46:19.556-08:002017-01-20T08:46:19.556-08:00True Dat.
True Dat.<br /><br />Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-63558036835713693432017-01-20T08:43:09.595-08:002017-01-20T08:43:09.595-08:00The thing that is generally referred to as "s...The thing that is generally referred to as "spirituality", that you refer to as "non-duality", and is a unity-with-everything experience for me. <br /><br />It came with the incarnation. No one taught any of it to me. I found it before High School on my own. Thanks to the public library.<br />Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-39155478084803290692017-01-20T08:31:26.850-08:002017-01-20T08:31:26.850-08:00It's always a process. Your experience is one...It's always a process. Your experience is one reason I advise (a) clear goals and (b) some structure at first. On the former, I can't tell from this comment or the one you posted last week whether you and your wife are clear on what it is you want out of this. You say she hit you hard with a wooden paddle over and over. For most people who really want to be disciplined, that IS a disciplinary spanking. It is supposed to hurt, *a lot.* So, have you and your wife had an honest conversation (including maybe with yourself) about whether that is, in fact, what you want? I'm not saying it's a bad thing if that is not what you want, but it doesn't seem based on your description that either of you have a clear picture in your mind about what it is you are shooting for. Of course, until you get a really hard disciplinary spanking, it's hard to know what you are signing up for, isn't it? Regarding the latter (structure), something we did early on was to assign a certain minimum numbers of swats to particular offenses. I had to self-report each week, including tallying up the number of swats. That took a lot of pressure off of her, because she didn't have to decide in the moment how many to give, but it also ensured the punishment really did fit the crime and if the tally got large because I have misbehaved that week, whose fault was that? I still remember the first such week, when the tally was 65 swats. That was *a lot* for us back then, and she had given spankings with half that number of swats that had been excruciating. But, we had both agreed on the number, and I could have avoided it by simply behaving myself. <br /><br />That is, by the way, another practical pointer. The man's butt definitely can take more over time. When we first started, 10 - 20 swats could leave me very sore and bruised. Now, 10x that may not leave many marks the next day.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-10879534418696326452017-01-20T08:04:42.336-08:002017-01-20T08:04:42.336-08:00Nice conversation here. I appreciated Dan's c...Nice conversation here. I appreciated Dan's comments about Zen, balance in the relationship and Ego. I have experienced the exact same mind set over the course of my 3 month journey into DD/FLR. It's been a mostly a very cool experience. This week, however, my wife grew impatient with my pleas to continue after previous sessions because it was not enough. So, in this discipline session, my loving wife gave-up all of her own ideas of how much is enough and instead hit me as hard as she could from a standing position with a wooden paddle over and over. I was somewhat traumatized by the physical impacts. This time for us was the first that did not result in a good outcome. We felt separated and hurt, physically and emotionally. So, we agreed that she would never give-up herself for the sake of a session. Best regards and thank you for your blogging efforts. Sincerely, BillAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-40128695791937408852017-01-20T08:02:04.134-08:002017-01-20T08:02:04.134-08:00To be clear, when I say above "she would pout...To be clear, when I say above "she would pout ..." the "she" is my MIL, not my wife.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-91126943254402823572017-01-20T07:46:41.307-08:002017-01-20T07:46:41.307-08:00Wow! Your subconscious really is fucking with you...Wow! Your subconscious really is fucking with you. :-)Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-18179878896754014142017-01-20T07:45:52.240-08:002017-01-20T07:45:52.240-08:00Mine shares the same tendency to pull back altoget...Mine shares the same tendency to pull back altogether when she is mad, instead of taking the bull by the horns to deliver a really bad spanking. I can see how that can be disciplinary in situations where the man really likes getting spanked or where most of the spankings are a form of sex play. In my own relationship I really try to get her not to go there, because it is just too close to the behavior her own parents exhibited that she consciously does not want to model. Whenever her dad was being a dick, instead of dealing with it in some constructive way, she would pout and sulk and give him the silent treatment and deny him sex . . . basically all the passive-aggressive or silently aggressive crap that people who are not empowered engage in because they don't feel they have any other tools. The whole point of our DD relationship is she DOES have other tools, so on the those occasions when she has resorted to sulking or flouncing, it becomes a big issue that we talk through and get things back on course.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-76080977573315954862017-01-20T07:39:55.701-08:002017-01-20T07:39:55.701-08:00"I'm such an idiot."
Aren't we ..."I'm such an idiot."<br /><br />Aren't we all? At least right before the spanking anyway. Y<br /><br />I admit I've never been quite comfortable with calling whatever it is I do a "spiritual" practice, but I've also never really come up with a better term for it. Even some teachers I've listened to who characterize their teachings as "non-dual" still seem to end up describing their practice as "spiritual." So, it's one of those things where the label seems to create more heat than light. Like DD, I see it as another form of "performance management." :-)Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-31686405110986208362017-01-20T06:58:11.408-08:002017-01-20T06:58:11.408-08:00Not happy. I'm going to live the subject of th...Not happy. I'm going to live the subject of this thread for repeating the same dumb thing A THIRD time.<br /><br />Damn!Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-23220731857513090672017-01-20T05:58:16.710-08:002017-01-20T05:58:16.710-08:00You spoke about Zen and mindfulness. That is wonde...You spoke about Zen and mindfulness. That is wonderful to hear. As they say Down Under "Good on Ya Mate"<br /><br />Spirituality is a huge part of our life. I would not have even mentioned in this Blog. But since you shared about your practices, I am doing so. Maybe I am risking a treatise on why Zen is not spirituality?<br /><br />Not even sure why I brought it up.<br /><br />Anyway, you might enjoy this bit of irony... I have been sharing with my wife about the current "what to do when spanking does not change behavior" Blog conversation. It's been one of those "academic" conversations; safe and not really about me.<br /><br />Then I forgot and failed to do one of her major hot button items. It is a safety item for our home and I have no wiggle room on it.<br /><br />I already experienced her "doubling" the spanking about a month ago when I repeated it and today I will find out what she has in mind for a third time.<br /><br />As I lay in bed last night thinking about what's coming today. I asked myself if maybe I should refrain from having these "academic" discussions.with her." I wondered if I had somehow started the pot boiling in advance.<br /><br />An there is NO WAY I purposely or subconsciously set this up. (Yea, I know "subconscious" means I wouldn't know if some part of me did it with intention). But I'm sticking with NO WAY anyway. It kinda sucks - whatever is coming. I'm such an idiot.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-80263023017534966672017-01-19T22:05:18.520-08:002017-01-19T22:05:18.520-08:00The context of the punnishment is very important t...The context of the punnishment is very important to me. If I have really pissed my wife off, the spankng hurts me more. Not only because a ruinned orgasm intensifies the pain, but because I am truly interested in developing a wife led marriage. Our household runs much better when she is in charge, we are madly in love as it stands. <br /><br />As I said before, most of our spankings are a type of "sex play", they usually involve her edging me during the spanking and me giving her full pleasure with my mouth and hands. I can take much more of a beating when I am excited and she tends to go harder on me if she has just had an orgasm. The anticipation of a session and reviewing the bruise marks afterwards can keep me excited for many days. I would much prefer this type of excitement to having her mad at me. She doesn't like to correct me physically while she is upset and instead will generally just pull back from me all together. For me, this is far more painful then a few very intense moments under the full swing of her bath brush.<br /><br />I am not allowed many orgasms ( and I have come to prefer this denial) but we make love in some way nearly everyday. <br /><br />Thanks for all your hard work on this blog. I have lurked for a long time now.<br />Rebophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04699549322366578333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37473480180055141572017-01-19T17:50:01.102-08:002017-01-19T17:50:01.102-08:00Ah, come on, you can't tease me like that. Wha...Ah, come on, you can't tease me like that. What does Peter call it? :-)<br /><br />That's why I call this blog a forum -- if I wanted to one-way microphone, I would just turn off the comments and spew. Though when I start mixing Zen and spanking and pop psychology all in one comment that runs on for the length of a page, it's probably a signal that it's time for me to go with some inane topic like "What's your favorite spanking instrument?<br /><br />Talking through things is always good. And, for better or worse, one of my goals for 2017 was to be a lot more "unfiltered." So, it's all good. And, you know (or you damn well better know), how much I appreciate and value your participation and contributions. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-46864403140307777052017-01-19T17:24:47.869-08:002017-01-19T17:24:47.869-08:00Dan
I sense that this whole exercise is difficult ...Dan<br />I sense that this whole exercise is difficult and please understand sometimes i take on the role of devil's advocate or as Peter as called it,well never mind you get what i mean. I see more and more how important it is to talk about this like this. To ask the questions that sometimes make us uncomfortable. Know how much I respect and am grateful you have this blog.<br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com