tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post2449277439885135520..comments2024-03-28T11:43:32.966-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Club - Meeting 257 - Panties, Aprons, Etc. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-51652683166403760372018-07-09T16:33:55.619-07:002018-07-09T16:33:55.619-07:00And as for Lancelot, come on guys! His chivalry wa...And as for Lancelot, come on guys! His chivalry was all about seduction. Of course Guinevere was at fault too. The one who should have been chivalrous was King Arthur. He should be on bended knee before Guinevere, instead of hanging out with his boys at the Round Table. And she should have motivated him with the flat side of Excalibur!Helenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435985013672212553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-82770112623434680052018-07-09T10:41:16.708-07:002018-07-09T10:41:16.708-07:00I never spanked anyone until my husband Andy. But ...I never spanked anyone until my husband Andy. But I do admit that I was always very interested when my younger brothers were getting the hairbrush from my mom. I also, like many women, used sex or rather the lack thereof to get what I wanted. What was a revelation to me was how much I was turned on by having power over my husband. I have always been attracted to powerful men, and also to having power. But what amazed me was how turned on I was by having power over a powerful man. That is what really turned me into a disciplinary wife. I love that he willingly relinquishes control to me. This gift of power is as intimate as anything I could ever imagine. So yes, I agree with the commenters that there is likely a disciplinary wife inside of many women who aren't aware of it. But they may be aware of their attraction to power, and that may be the connection that a submissive husband can utilize to turn her into a disciplinary wife. But she has to know that he will capitulate, that he will accept any punishment that she decides, and that he will never use his physical strength to avoid submitting to her.Helenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435985013672212553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-21398153057865513242018-07-07T08:18:11.786-07:002018-07-07T08:18:11.786-07:00Very interesting!Very interesting!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77970491689548826962018-07-07T07:35:27.149-07:002018-07-07T07:35:27.149-07:00Dan,
From the Kinsey study: apparently many women ...Dan,<br />From the Kinsey study: apparently many women report fantasies of "rough sex" with them playing the dominant role. The fact that( apparently) few women initiate DD without their partners encouragement suggests to me that cultural inhibitions suppress at least some women from exploring these dominant fantasies until pushed by their partner. But once that push has happened they experience emotions that were more or less unconscious<br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48911869855985401052018-07-06T07:27:00.625-07:002018-07-06T07:27:00.625-07:00Thank you for the prayers Helen - I need every scr...Thank you for the prayers Helen - I need every scrap of help from the Universe that I can get.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7412995831547279752018-07-05T21:09:42.063-07:002018-07-05T21:09:42.063-07:00Have to say this is the best dialogue I have heard...Have to say this is the best dialogue I have heard here ever! So open all of us !<br /><br />PeterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-11529082995135605632018-07-05T13:29:32.504-07:002018-07-05T13:29:32.504-07:00Hi Alan. I wonder whether those "rough sex&q...Hi Alan. I wonder whether those "rough sex" fantasies can be satisfied by the one doing the roughing, instead of the one being on the receiving end of it? I don't know. I do think it is very interesting how many previously vanilla women can, when given the opportunity, develop into a very dominant force in the marriage. I don't know whether it works that way for men. Personally, while I can be very dominant in a work setting, I have absolutely no desire to dominate a woman in a relationship. In fact, the whole idea kind of repels me.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-5596792095562724132018-07-05T13:25:21.038-07:002018-07-05T13:25:21.038-07:00I agree on all this, and especially that chivalry ...I agree on all this, and especially that chivalry is really the opposite of toxic masculinity. KD Pierre is also big into the Queen/knight metaphor. I admit it has never quite worked for me at a gut level, maybe because I always associate with Lancelot, and he always seems to be portrayed as a bland, not very charasmatic, not very interesting alternative to the king. There never seems to be any "bad boy" in the portrayals of Lancelot, despite the fact that he screws the queen behind his friend's back. I personally gravitate more toward the samurai ideal of warrior service, but it doesn't quite work because his commander, the emperor, was always a man. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-16596114646223045682018-07-05T11:28:57.765-07:002018-07-05T11:28:57.765-07:00That’s an interesting article, Dan, even though th...That’s an interesting article, Dan, even though the findings of the study are unsurprising. One could draw the same conclusions based on a study of romantic novels or chick flics.<br />The article uses the term “chivalrous” to describe the “benevolent sexism” most women find attractive in men. That reminds me of a discussion that took place on a website I used to frequent about FLR. The female members unanimously agreed that the perfect partner in an FLR should be “chivalrous” rather than “submissive”, since “submissive” has a connotation of weakness. The work “uxorious” (dedicated to one’s wife) was popular too.<br /><br />I would like to point out that “chivalry” is, in fact, a kind of male submission to the power of the feminine, but it is submission combined with masculine strength and courage.. It refers to the code of honour once followed by knights, and that code of conduct involved service and devotion to one’s lady. One image that represents chivalry is that of a knight kneeling before his lady or his queen, like Sir Lancelot kneeling before Queen Guinevere in one famous Pre-Raphaelite painting . <br /><br />The chivalrous conduct described as “benevolent sexism” in this article is different than the kind of toxic masculinity which seeks to maintain male privilege and to lock women into their pre-feminist condition as second class citizens. I think a weakness of the article is a failure to make that distinction in an effort to trash the ideals of feminism. As I see it, there is no contradiction between wanting to protect and provide for one’s wife and a willingness (or desire) to “submit” to her authority and discipline, like the knight kneeling before his queen.<br /> <br />DJAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-60222497707721509662018-07-05T10:46:20.053-07:002018-07-05T10:46:20.053-07:00-ZM and Dan,
Thanks for the support and I do belie...-ZM and Dan,<br />Thanks for the support and I do believe men that project masculinity ( authentically) do have a much easier time establishing a DD relationship with a previously vanilla woman.From what I am reading in the recently released Kinsey Institute data,women often fantasize about "rough sex ( a term I don't like) including the dominant role. So a man introducing DD into a commuted vanilla relationship may well be offering wife or girlfriend a chance to act on fantasies previously unexplored. Its not a one way street. Certainly many women are natural disciplinarians when allowed to express it.But the yin and yang are essential and what makes much of it work<br /><br />Alan <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-10609741618589330022018-07-05T10:20:53.737-07:002018-07-05T10:20:53.737-07:00"I think he is probably correct, because it I..."I think he is probably correct, because it IS the general nature of most women to want masculine men. If you are the strong alpha type guy, it probably increases the chances that your wife will be open to DD, because she knows just how much of a man you are." <br /><br />This does seem like the stars coming into alignment. At least some Alpha men may be more inclined to want to balance that out by her taking the reins at home, which she may be more inclined to do if he's already established his "manly" creds and, in fact, she may have (like me wife) sometimes suffered through the negative consequences of his overly Alpha nature. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-45110551517617986962018-07-05T09:11:22.650-07:002018-07-05T09:11:22.650-07:00That was a good article (and the website that you ...That was a good article (and the website that you found it on is good too, for that matter). I think it reinforces what many people already know. It may not be politically correct to imply that women may want to feel protected, but I think that is largely a matter of the peaceful time in which we live. In times of chaos and war, physiological differences between men and women make it generally favorable to have a big, strong guy by your side if you happen to be of the fairer sex. Those who have been on the dating scene also know that most women are attracted to "manly" men.<br /><br />Alan had an incredibly brilliant and insightful point earlier when he said "maybe why some men find establishing DD relationships possible and even natural is that they do project masculinity as well as a desire for some accountability and imposed authority." I think he is probably correct, because it IS the general nature of most women to want masculine men. If you are the strong alpha type guy, it probably increases the chances that your wife will be open to DD, because she knows just how much of a man you are. And your wishes to be accountable and to improve make you seem even more manly, even if the methods don't. In fact, for a "manly" man to even suggest something so very "unmanly" makes him seem even more confident in his masculinity, and women LOVE confidence. On the other hand, if a guy appears pretty submissive and not very masculine, then any attempts at DD likely come across as even further weakness. <br /><br />-ZMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-70260774113544779922018-07-05T07:23:52.780-07:002018-07-05T07:23:52.780-07:00Adding to the discussion about women's prefere...Adding to the discussion about women's preferences: https://www.dailywire.com/news/32556/study-reveals-what-women-are-hard-wired-find-amanda-prestigiacomo<br /><br />BTW, I seldom plug for specific websites, but if you are an omnivore like me when it comes to learning new and interesting things, with a dash of eye candy included, check out http://extragoodshit.phlap.net/, which is where I found the above today in it's daily posting. It is my favorite site for keeping up on a variety of interesting stuff in the world of psychology, sociology, medicine, technology and politics. And, yes, it has some pictures of naked women. It's kind of like Playboy for guys who really do read the articles!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-89601499300444046352018-07-05T06:44:24.016-07:002018-07-05T06:44:24.016-07:00Hi Helen,
What you described is exactly what I was...Hi Helen,<br />What you described is exactly what I was trying to say when I said it is all about power for us. Whether I am temporarily reduced to a naughty boy being spanked, temporarily put in a female role, or even in the role of a baby for a while (as I found myself last week), the purposes and results are always the same:<br /><br />- It humiliates me and knocks me down a peg for a bit, so my big ego is less in the way and I can actually hear her heart.<br /><br />- It demonstrates her power over me. The fact that I gave her that authority only makes it all the more real.<br /><br />When she does something like this, it has nothing to do with trying to make me feminine or infantile, she is trying to make me feel humiliated. And the activitiy, whatever it may be, really isn't that important. Much more important is what it does to the power dynamic.<br /><br />Generally, if she does something to humiliate me, it is in the context of punishment. And I always feel bad when she punishes me, because I simply hate that I hurt her feelings. However, when it is over and all is forgiven, we usually find ourselves more passionate than ever because her exercising power like that makes us both very hot, even though it was in the context of administering a punishment.<br /><br />-ZM<br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-5982612167934639242018-07-05T05:41:03.347-07:002018-07-05T05:41:03.347-07:00Helen, thank you for a beautiful testimonial about...Helen, thank you for a beautiful testimonial about the wonderful relationship you have with your husband. I am also my wife's "housewife" when I cook and clean for her. For us, my aprons are the main symbol of my housewife status. My standard "maid" uniform consists of nothing but an apron and a long t-shirt that has the feel of an overly short skirt that doesn't entirely hide my exposed bottom. She often reminds me of my status when I am busy working at the sink and she gives me a possessive pat on the bum and teases me that I'm "cute." I don't know whether she is "turned on" by the power the way you are. I know she really enjoys the main perk of her power, which is to have her "housewife" husband do all the work she was raised to think of as "women's work." Like your husband, I often have a hard-on through my chores, especially if my wife is enjoying some leisure activity while I am doing them. I like to think that exercise of power turns her on the way you say power turns you on. What I do know for certain is that, like for your husband, my efforts to be a good "housewife" seems to lead to rewards in the bedroom. <br />DJ Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-69459361256295722002018-07-05T03:26:36.259-07:002018-07-05T03:26:36.259-07:00I agree totally with the commenter who said that i...I agree totally with the commenter who said that it has much more to do with power than anything else. What I have realized is that I feel a lot of power when Andy transforms into a traditionally female role at my behest. I can't deny that he is in a female role when he is functioning as my "housewife": running around doing chores wearing a pair of my panties! It turns me on mentally and physically. But what I get to thinking while I am watching him (and sometimes giggling I am so drunk on the power) about is what he is going to do to me later with his man parts--when he will be functioning as ALL MAN. So in my mind (and his) I am not feminizing or emasculating him. He often has a hard-on throughout his chores, and most of the time he is going to get to use it. So we are back to power: My big strong love-making husband is also my "panty-wearing maid"--all because I want him to be. His "voluntary relinquishment of control" (a phrase we made up to describe our power exchange) is the gift my MAN has given me. Helenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435985013672212553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64363686236493159852018-07-04T01:16:59.068-07:002018-07-04T01:16:59.068-07:00I found the comment from DJ very interesting, espe...I found the comment from DJ very interesting, especially the following sentences: "I would say that a guy who wants his wife or girlfriend to become, in effect, his private dominatrix (on call to fulfill his fantasies 24/7 free of charge) is not truly "submissive" at all. He will not actually do the dishes, but he will expect to be "punished" for not doing them. Any sane woman would reject such a man--except as a paying customer--because she would be the real slave in the relationship."<br /><br />An ex-girlfriend of mine, who was divorced, told me that her ex-husband had been exactly like that. He was into being caned, but he merely wanted the physical sensation, he was not all submissive. When she refused to fulfill his masochistic wishes, he became unpleasant and aggressive, and she eventually divorced him.<br />richard<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-70565164277374434952018-07-03T21:39:05.246-07:002018-07-03T21:39:05.246-07:00Again, our relationship seems to be different than...Again, our relationship seems to be different than most. My Dominant has no interest at all in feminizing me, during punishment or even doing chores. No bra, no panties, no aprons or anything else. As I have stated here before, I am kept totally nude whenever in the house and during chore time, I must wear nipple clamps or cock and ball bondage or a butt plug. I even volunteered to be placed in chastity, but she did want that either. She wants ALL of me to be accessible to her use or abuse all the time. As far as an outward display of ownership, I have to shave my head and wear a pendant which identifies me as a collard, male, submissive. Spanked Cowboyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03598628621654103370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-72349143747081103002018-07-03T15:03:57.815-07:002018-07-03T15:03:57.815-07:00I've read that same book, and the diapers sect...I've read that same book, and the diapers sections were the only parts I did not like. But, for that very reason, they might be a great way to break down those defenses!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-66929067773126209312018-07-03T15:01:51.798-07:002018-07-03T15:01:51.798-07:00While I hate the service domination aspect for all...While I hate the service domination aspect for all sorts of reasons, in our house if there has been an unfair split on household tasks, it's really been me doing more than her.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-6773872295166417452018-07-03T13:57:34.323-07:002018-07-03T13:57:34.323-07:00Dan: I think in the case of gender identity there ...Dan: I think in the case of gender identity there is more at work than traits. Identity is more about who you think or feel you are than what you do and how those things align along gender stereotypes. I guess what I'm saying is a person can be biologically male, pursue a typically 'male' career or role, feel out of sync with one's biology, become transgendered and still feel at home performing the same 'male' type of career. I had a casual acquaintance who fit this perfectly: very large, masculine male, ex-military, working in law enforcement, fully transgenders to female (hormonally, emotionally, and surgically) and still works in the same very male-dominated field without feeling out of place as a current female. The 'trait' of being tough had nothing to do with the person's "identity" as a female in a male body.<br /><br />And perhaps that's the whole thing right there? Take any trait or inclination, label it according to the gender it stereotypically connotes......and then ask yourself: is it REALLY a male or female 'thing' or is it just thought of that way by a majority and therefore assumed as such?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77208820800171410702018-07-03T13:43:51.072-07:002018-07-03T13:43:51.072-07:00Thanks, "Anonymous". It's easy to se...Thanks, "Anonymous". It's easy to see things either the way we personally experience them, or the way we read about them, but I have noticed that the older I get, the more different takes on things I see. So at this point in my life I really think that anything can mean anything or nothing, depending on the people involved. And that doesn't apply to just DD.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-5065412590626973862018-07-03T12:43:44.041-07:002018-07-03T12:43:44.041-07:00Actually, I didn't ever have even the slightes...Actually, I didn't ever have even the slightest interest in diapers before either. However, when she was reading "The Good Wife's Guide to Taking Charge," diapers and panties (and a few other humiliating things) were all things that caught her eye. She highlighted the things she found interesting, and we went through the highlighted sections together. <br /><br />Before the last punishment, we were in the grocery store, and she said "pick some diapers. They are for you." The next day, she took me to a lingerie store (all of them are small boutiques here) and she bought panties, but she told me they were for me so she wanted me to pick them. I'm sure the salespeople thought they were for her. <br /><br />Despite both of these being her ideas, I don't think she has even the least bit of interest in feminizing me (or using diapers, etc.) outside of punishment. She just viewed it as a very easy way to break down some of my defenses so I would be able to be in the properly humbled position to truly hear her and to make the punishment more effective.<br /><br />-ZM Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48401875303003485162018-07-03T12:31:25.409-07:002018-07-03T12:31:25.409-07:00That is exactly what I want, and where we try to s...That is exactly what I want, and where we try to stay. Consensual for the relationship with discipline imposed (so not necessarily consensual on a per-incident basis) within the framework of the pre-defined relationship. That ends up pretty real, and in fact mirrors many aspects of life where our larger choices (like where we live or work) make us subject to rules to which we don't necessarily agree but that are just part of the package. <br /><br />-ZMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78095553900920559302018-07-03T10:03:49.270-07:002018-07-03T10:03:49.270-07:00Also, I looked for that book. One of the few that ...Also, I looked for that book. One of the few that isn't available as an e-book, and the used versions are WAY pricey.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com