tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post1485578935014785118..comments2024-03-28T11:43:32.966-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Club - Meeting 378 - Age, Maturity and DDDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-29920141421130697712021-08-22T09:34:50.505-07:002021-08-22T09:34:50.505-07:00I understand the embarrassment part... finding you...I understand the embarrassment part... finding yourself bare bottomed over a Lady's lap at 40 must be quite a hard thing to get used to, the groundings do sound worse, at least having her talk to your friends, must be awful having to explain to them later, how She rules and disciplines! <br /> - Adam Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-51888937651944868062021-08-09T18:16:29.490-07:002021-08-09T18:16:29.490-07:00It is exciting in some ways and has definitely hel...It is exciting in some ways and has definitely helped me to better myself. I love her dearly and have never experienced a woman truly loving me back until she came along. Still, imagine yourself as a 40 year adult having to call your friends and tell them you can't come out because you're grounded and by your wife at that. Believe me when I say it can be very challenging and just flat out embarrassing as well. Like with most things, you have to take the good with the bad.<br /><br />- TrentAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19717562668519577372021-08-06T17:23:04.199-07:002021-08-06T17:23:04.199-07:00Sounds blissfully exciting Trent! I envy you, find...Sounds blissfully exciting Trent! I envy you, finding a mature Lady a few years your senior is the perfect scenario for a Wife/Husband relationship involving female led domestic discipline! <br /> - Adam Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47892375303578938932021-07-20T05:25:36.542-07:002021-07-20T05:25:36.542-07:00I'm 40 and my wife is almost 9 years my senior...I'm 40 and my wife is almost 9 years my senior. We met five years ago and she made it clear from the jump that she would be the one mostly in charge of the relationship and household. One of the reasons for that (Besides the obvious fact that she was just naturally more aggressive and a go-getter while I was more deferential and submissive) was her being older and having more life experience and wisdom about a lot of things. Plus, being way more mature than me which even I admitted to back then. We got married four years ago. Even after everything I'm about to share, I still wouldn't change a thing about that. She is my Queen and I adore her. <br /><br />First of all, she doesn't do the financial domination thing because she views it as unfair. She said if I'm working for that money, I should be able to keep it. She does, however, make me pay fines and penalties if I spend/buy too irresponsibly. Especially at a time when money is tight in the house for whatever reason anyway. Most of the household chores are my responsibility as are a pretty large portion of the errands outside the home, also. I have both a reasonable curfew and bedtime every night, and they must be strictly adhered to unless she gives me special permission otherwise. Fortunately, she is pretty flexible in that department. I have to ask permission to drink and hang out with friends between getting off work and curfew. The list goes on and on. <br /><br />As far as punishment goes, her spankings are enough to where sitting is uncomfortable for a couple of days after. But nowhere as bad as when she grounds me. That's the one I really dread. At least the spankings are over with quickly and all is pretty much forgiven afterwards. When it comes to her groundings that just drag ob and ob, one of the first things she makes me do is call my friends to cancel any plans I may have had with them previously. She has a zero tolerance policy for me lying in ANY context. As such, she stands there and watches while I make the calls and I have to tell them I'm grounded. Any attempt at phoney excuses and she'll take the phone and tell them herself. Since she also confiscates my phone during such times, she will answer it and still will tell them herself if they call it looking for me. <br /><br />She doesn't play, and examples like the one I just mentioned have made for some of the most embarrassing moments of my life so far. Still, I'm all the better a man for it. Before meeting her, my life was going downhill very fast. I'm happy I met an older, wiser woman who loved me enough to set me straight and help me get my life together.<br /><br />- TrentAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-13503610846644213002021-07-19T15:53:03.227-07:002021-07-19T15:53:03.227-07:00"I think the age of interest in spanking and ..."I think the age of interest in spanking and other power exchange activities has dropped over the last 20 years. We noticed that in our local BDSM organization. In the 90's everyone was well over 30. Then, as the Internet got more "interesting" more younger people showed up." - I don't have much personal experience, but I suspect you are right. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77077891108682818962021-07-19T15:49:46.001-07:002021-07-19T15:49:46.001-07:00ZM, I had the same reaction. Based on comments he...ZM, I had the same reaction. Based on comments here and on other DD websites and blogs, it seems to me that "both partners wanting it from the beginning"is the exception, not the rule, by a lot. IMO, there usually is a big disparity in the parties' initial interest and knowledge about DD. It seems to almost (though not always) involve a male who has decided he wants to try DD, and a wife who has never heard of it, or has never considered it as a relationship option. The non-initiating party almost always seems to need some education and perhaps even some mild prodding.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-67309317175157502062021-07-19T11:45:32.190-07:002021-07-19T11:45:32.190-07:00Hi MW,
"It seems relatively easy for young pe...Hi MW,<br />"It seems relatively easy for young people to play at spanking, severely, from communities like FetLife, but that can be done thoughtlessly and there's nothing about easy access to play partners that teach how to enter into a deeply significant, unusual, intentional, long-term arrangement with a loved one." - Yep, exactly true. What a great time to be young and have a spanking/BDSM fetish. But that doesn't necessarily lead to meaningful relationships, rather just easy access to play.<br /><br />"There is plenty written about spanking's ability to save relationships but not much written about spanking's ability to forge new ones." I am not sure about spanking being a factor in starting new relationships; while it is a significant part of my make-up, it is a very small part of life, so I would not choose someone merely because she was into DD. But I absolutely think that DD can help to build sturdy relationships. <br /><br />I think that the primary benefits of DD are the ways that it eliminates accumulated guilt, allows "closure" when there are bad feelings, greatly improves communication, and provides unparalleled intimacy, and all that ultimately results in much stronger relationships.<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48942175287954859662021-07-19T11:38:18.589-07:002021-07-19T11:38:18.589-07:00Hi Alan,
Somehow I didn't see your comment be...Hi Alan, <br />Somehow I didn't see your comment before, so hopefully you will see this.<br /><br />"A woman using her authority to discipline and correct is what rings the bell. But however much I may want and need loving female authority, I also want and need it backed up with real and tangible consequences - and spanking fits that role perfectly for me. If spanking or credible threats of it were taken away, the whole female led dynamic would be weakened considerably for me." - Yes, this pretty much exactly how I feel about the interplay between spanking and the underlying authority. The authority is never more real than when she exercises it by either spanking me or threatens to spank me. I am the same way that if spanking was absent from the relationship, the whole power dynamic would be weakened probably to the point of being non-existent. So, in the end it is really all about authority, but it is spanking or other imposed punishments that really makes that authority manifest.<br /><br />-ZM<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-83916611654845189572021-07-19T10:51:34.019-07:002021-07-19T10:51:34.019-07:00Hi Brett,
"Many, if not most, of the DD-type ...Hi Brett,<br />"Many, if not most, of the DD-type relationships I've seen online, no one needed urging or education to get into it. Both partners wanted it from the beginning because it's who they are, and this was a significant factor in them getting together. For many, it's a part of their sexuality for which there was never an alternative." - This could be true, though I think that most of what you described here is much more true for people who are more on the BDSM end of the spectrum. From conversations (mostly here, but also elsewhere), it seems that in the majority of cases it is the partner that wants/needs discipline that introduces this to their partner. And their partner, who often knows all about BDSM play, has little to no idea that people actually use spanking for real domestic discipline. <br /><br />What you are describing, where both partners feel this need, one to dominate and the other to submit, could certainly include DD of course, but also might be even more true for BDSM relationships. While DD can work in many different scenarios, for me the "sweet spot" is when the one doing the punishing is turned on by it, but ultimately views it as a useful tool and is getting something out of it other than just the turn-on. And in the perfect scenario, the one being punished is very much turned on by the whole power exchange aspect of this, but doesn't actually enjoy being spanked at all at the time it happens.<br /><br />But different strokes for different folks!<br /><br />-ZM Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-28065329798007683772021-07-16T10:50:05.903-07:002021-07-16T10:50:05.903-07:00I think the age of interest in spanking and other ...I think the age of interest in spanking and other power exchange activities has dropped over the last 20 years. We noticed that in our local BDSM organization. In the 90's everyone was well over 30. Then, as the Internet got more "interesting" more younger people showed up.<br /><br />It may not be that a certain level of maturity is needed as much as information wasn't available to everyone. I think the Web brings younger people in.<br /><br />My wife is 20 years younger than me. I told her of my interests very soon after we me. She was willing to try spanking me. I barely felt her first attempt. Over the years she has become an effective disciplinarian. I'm convinced that age isn't an issue. It's exposure and honesty. In many ways we are our own worst enemies when it comes to introducing our interests to our partners. My wife has been spanking me for discipline over the last eight years. She did it as BDSM play before that. We are both totally in love and feel that DD is a natural part of our lives.Caged Lionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02318713227698890659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-44875576396435198822021-07-15T12:46:52.463-07:002021-07-15T12:46:52.463-07:00ZM wrote: “I realize that I don't really want ...ZM wrote: “I realize that I don't really want spankings that much, but rather want the authority and control that surround the whole thing.” It does seem sometimes that spanking is almost a “prop” with the underlying need being female imposed discipline and accountability as part of a very intimate and vulnerable relationship. A woman using her authority to discipline and correct is what rings the bell. But however much I may want and need loving female authority, I also want and need it backed up with real and tangible consequences - and spanking fits that role perfectly for me. If spanking or credible threats of it were taken away, the whole female led dynamic would be weakened considerably for me. So is spanking the sine qua non of DD or FLR? For me it probably is.<br />Alan<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-56291180299713110082021-07-15T11:03:01.994-07:002021-07-15T11:03:01.994-07:00I wonder if it's true that most guys here pref...I wonder if it's true that most guys here prefer pictures of young women, at least in the context of FLR/DD. I love the pic of the mature woman holding the strap. I tend to imagine a disciplinarian fully clothed, as that fits a punishment scenario. Yet, her being naked in the photo still appeals to me.Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16055467532238794485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-66985061978655906562021-07-15T10:43:58.579-07:002021-07-15T10:43:58.579-07:00Hi ZM. What you say makes good sense, and probably...Hi ZM. What you say makes good sense, and probably explains many DD relationships. All I have is the impression I've gotten from people talking online about this. In my own case, I was ready to go with DD in my twenties, but it's not something my wife has ever been interested in. It was never a matter of her becoming more confident or her realizing she needs some way of controlling my behavior, or from the other perspective, me controlling hers. Maybe if I'd pressured her over the years she'd have given in, but I didn't want it to work that way.<br /><br />Many, if not most, of the DD-type relationships I've seen online, no one needed urging or education to get into it. Both partners wanted it from the beginning because it's who they are, and this was a significant factor in them getting together. For many, it's a part of their sexuality for which there was never an alternative. I think younger people these days typically know what's possible. Things are much more out in the open and with less stigma attached. In the last few decades, if a person needs this kind of discipline, they have far easier ways of finding it, far more support, and without so much guilt or shame. For my generation, it makes sense that, even after accepting the desire in oneself, finding such unconventional relationships often took far longer than in post-internet days, and that many spouses had to be talked into and adapt to something they were not prepared for going in.Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16055467532238794485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-87798585685552630282021-07-15T10:35:38.331-07:002021-07-15T10:35:38.331-07:00Dan: "I am confident that interest in DD expl...Dan: "I am confident that interest in DD exploded with the advent of the internet. In my own experience, without the internet, I wouldn't have known there was such a thing as adult corporal punishment."<br /><br />Though I was fascinated by this from an early age, my interests have been largely expanded by the internet. I think we're capable of evolving, and it's just a matter of being exposed to things.<br />Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16055467532238794485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-41037324235226855672021-07-14T17:46:48.216-07:002021-07-14T17:46:48.216-07:00That essay was excellent. Thank you for mentioning...That essay was excellent. Thank you for mentioning it as it was new to me. MWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19593880221122763912021-07-14T17:25:26.761-07:002021-07-14T17:25:26.761-07:00We started in our 30s and are still in them. We...We started in our 30s and are still in them. We're still stumbling through desires and discussions that seem effortless to many of you.<br /><br />Many discipline relationships seem to extend from personal epiphanies and relationship breakthroughs and those don't occur without a lot of experience and thinking. It simply takes...time...to learn about oneself. It seems relatively easy for young people to play at spanking, severely, from communities like FetLife, but that can be done thoughtlessly and there's nothing about easy access to play partners that teach how to enter into a deeply significant, unusual, intentional, long-term arrangement with a loved one. <br /><br />In fact it seems harder for young people to have any serious relationship at all today. There is plenty written about spanking's ability to save relationships but not much written about spanking's ability to forge new ones; perhaps that's the next frontier? Imagine the New York Times prescribing guaranteed falling in love by answering Arthur Aron's 36 questions, staring into each other's eyes, and then paddling. Seems promising! <br /><br />In the meantime, I expect the middle aged to continue to claim more authentic and meaningful decades of marriage, vanilla and kink-wise. I am looking forward to them.MWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79251356554108125842021-07-14T15:55:58.992-07:002021-07-14T15:55:58.992-07:00Hi Danielle. I totally agree that (partially) dres...Hi Danielle. I totally agree that (partially) dressed can be sexier than naked. I find I often get way more turned on by a picture of a woman in something sheer and filmy, or with a very skimpy item of clothing covering one or two parts, than of one totally nude.<br /><br />While we started earlier than you and Wayne, I do get what you're saying about lost years of exploring that could have been done. We have not been nearly as adventurous as we might have been. Though, you certainly seem to have made up for your missed years of kink!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-12403191407629448882021-07-14T15:49:44.393-07:002021-07-14T15:49:44.393-07:00Yeah, it definitely is remarkable how similarly yo...Yeah, it definitely is remarkable how similarly your wiring and mine seems to be.<br /><br />I had a major crush on my friend's mother. She was a school teacher. I also had a crush on another teacher at my high school. Both were at least late 30s and probably were older than that. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64616591280357337002021-07-14T15:47:03.987-07:002021-07-14T15:47:03.987-07:00Hi Brett,
I don't necessarily think that DD is...Hi Brett,<br />I don't necessarily think that DD is a thing just for older people, but I do think it is much more prevalent in more mature people, for many reasons, a few of which I include here:<br />- It often (not always) takes time for him to realize what he really wants. While I, like you, was fascinated by spanking from a young age. However, it was not really until the past few years that I have realized exactly what I wanted, and I am still learning in fact. <br />- It also takes time for her to realize that all her thoughts of him changing just aren't going to happen. Also, it takes time to really be bothered by bad behaviors. When you first meet someone, they can do no wrong. But once you live with them for a few years...<br />- Her self confidence. Generally self confidence develops over a longer period of time. Most younger women I know would lack the confidence to effectively discipline her partner/husband, I think.<br />- His self confidence. Most younger guys are still going all out to impress all women (even their wives, hahaha). It takes a lot of confidence to say that you want something that might cause you to be perceived as weak, damaged, or immature.<br />- There is a sexual element to all this. But many young married couples are so full of hormones that they can't get enough "regular" sex, let alone pursue any alternative sexuality.<br /><br />Actually, I can think of a lot of reasons. That is not to say that there are not younger people who are into this, but logically there must be a lot less. Why? Because I have never known anyone who completely lost their interest in any of this. It seems that once you "discover" this part of you, whether at 5 or 50, it is just sort of with you forever. So, since people become interested in it at different ages and since it doesn't ever seem to go away, there must be more older people into it.<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77821310698478118282021-07-14T15:32:33.622-07:002021-07-14T15:32:33.622-07:00Hi Dan,
Maybe you were remembering that my wife i...Hi Dan, <br />Maybe you were remembering that my wife is about exactly 10 years younger than me?<br /><br />I am always amazed at how similar we are on so many things. Everything you wrote about authority could be me writing, in particular how I crave this imposed authority, but very actively resist against every other form of authority, in particular in the workplace.<br /><br />Now that I think about it, I did kind of have a crush on some older women when I was younger. Though I think they were generally in their upper 20's or low to mid 30's and I was like 15 or 16, so while they might have been older than me, they certainly weren't old!<br /><br />-ZM Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-49887378271741891912021-07-14T13:16:50.043-07:002021-07-14T13:16:50.043-07:00Danielle here:
Wayne and I got married in our mid...Danielle here:<br /><br />Wayne and I got married in our mid 20’s.<br /><br />Wayne first asked me to spank him when we were in our early 40’s. I refused because I was distressed to find out he had a kinky side after almost 20 years of marriage. Kink scared me, and my intuition told me that spanking was just the tip of a kinky iceberg for my husband. My intuition was right, but I now feel foolish for having been frightened, and I regret my initial rejection of FLR.<br /><br />We were close to 50 when I agreed to give FLR and DD a try in an effort to save my marriage. I discovered that my husband’s kinks weren’t so scary and that FLR offered real advantages to me.<br /><br />The decade of our 50’s was the sexiest period of our marriage. I enjoyed the perks of power. My husband revealed that he also had cuckold fantasies. As a result, I ended up having a couple of affairs with other men over that period. That was fun for everyone involved. It made me feel sexy, and feeling sexy made me feel more dominant towards my husband. He liked that.<br /><br />We are now in our mid 60’s. Our sex life has cooled due to age and health issues, but Wayne still gets turned on when I dominate and discipline him. I like having the power to affect him that way at our age. A DD milestone we hit only as senior citizens was my spanking Wayne in front of a witness (my friend Barb). Maybe my desire to do that was due to a sense that stronger erotic stimuli are needed as libido drops off. I wish I had known what I know now when Wayne first opened up about his spanking kink in our early 40’s. How exciting it would have been to do the things we have done in our 50’s and 60’s when we were younger! I envy young people who become sexually liberated when they are in their physical prime.<br /><br />Dan, I appreciate your effort to be age inclusive by posting some pictures of older women, but I imagine most of the guys here would rather look at young women. That’s okay. To be honest, I appreciate the physical beauty of young people too, and I enjoy seeing the bodies of athletic young men as much as my husband enjoys looking at young women. In that picture of the “mature” naked woman holding the strap, she looks vulnerable for someone who is about to dish out discipline. I would probably feel vulnerable too if I was posing naked for a photograph, even though Wayne says I am still hot. Personally, I would rather dress up than get naked to give a spanking. To me it feels more empowering to be fully clothed when I spank Wayne. It has more impact on him that way too. That’s partly because of the innate power imbalance of remaining clothed when my husband is bared for punishment. But beyond that, I find that dressing to enhance sex appeal can be sexier than nakedness, and I have become more conscious of that with age. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37685083306601075282021-07-14T12:45:03.064-07:002021-07-14T12:45:03.064-07:00"As far as maturity it was part me being matu..."As far as maturity it was part me being mature and understanding what I needed and her being mature enough to work with it. So maturity played a part." That makes total sense to me.<br /><br />I suspect you are right that men compartmentalize the various parts of their lives to a greater extent, but I don't really know for sure. I have definitely known women who were very regimented at keeping work and family in very separate little boxes. <br /><br />"We might have a slight observational and generational bias on this blog to the norms of our childhood which are different than today." Good point.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-54117699063290373902021-07-14T12:40:10.419-07:002021-07-14T12:40:10.419-07:00"Maturity leads to understanding and confiden..."Maturity leads to understanding and confidence, but also exposure to like-minded individuals and the ideas, which is a relatively new advantage for people seeking unconventional or less common types of relationships." I am confident that interest in DD exploded with the advent of the internet. In my own experience, without the internet, I wouldn't have known there was such a thing as adult corporal punishment. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-40160117720266161722021-07-14T12:38:15.718-07:002021-07-14T12:38:15.718-07:00Seems to fit al's theory that women in their 4...Seems to fit al's theory that women in their 40s or 50s may switch from one dynamic to the other, becoming more open to being dominant as they get older.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-31936328711196379252021-07-14T12:35:41.369-07:002021-07-14T12:35:41.369-07:00Hi ZM. I definitely had that wrong about your wif...Hi ZM. I definitely had that wrong about your wife's age. Sorry about that.<br /><br />"While I do find spanking interesting, it is a lot less so than I thought. For me it is really all about authority, accountability, control, and things like that. . . . I realize that I don't really want spankings that much, but rather want the authority and control that surround the whole thing. . . . I am not sure how much of a role age played in this for me, but I do know that I didn't even know what I wanted for most of my life." This all really resonates with me. Also, while I've come to know myself a little better with age, I still don't quite get why I seem to want the authority and control in this one context (my marriage) but reject it so vehemently in others. I do suspect that it has been in there for a long time and in other contexts. I said in this post and have said before, I had a thing for older women back in high school, developing crushes on certain teachers. As I grew older, I still had a thing for older women, but they tended to be women who exuded authority and confidence. Yet, on the job I have always balked at any attempt at managing or controlling me, and I've resented some female superiors as much as the men. I think some of it may come down to genuineness. I am attracted to powerful women whose power is based in who they are, not on the position they happen to hold. Same with the men, though while I can point to certain women who probably could have gotten away with bossing me at work, I can't say the same for many men. Though, I wonder if I would have the same attraction to authority in a man that I have had with some women, i.e. would I get off on the authority and control or at least capitulate to it if there had ever been a boss who was really dominant and who I also respected.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com