tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post1342816545270774273..comments2024-03-29T03:08:12.803-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Club - Meeting 372 - Coaching & MentoringDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-16792938598424295762021-04-18T10:25:56.270-07:002021-04-18T10:25:56.270-07:00“Jimmy really has no problem with self-discipline ...“Jimmy really has no problem with self-discipline in those areas. It's the things I want him to change where he needs external accountability” <br />First of all, this really resonates with me and reflects what I was describing above about our relationship as well as my experiences earlier. I seem to have lots of self-discipline in things I want to accomplish- but a lot less in areas Belle might refer to as “blind spots”<br />But “the things I want him to change” really nails the dynamic for me. I really love it when a woman in an intimate relationship (that part of it is important) sets her goals and expectations backed up by real consequences. To me, just like spanking by itself, setting those expectations speaks very strongly about love and caring. I really believes that discipline is the expression of love and when a woman sets those standards or goals, she is expressing love. I understand that a woman has to be loving and caring in the first place for it to work, but when it does –WOW!<br />Alan<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-36928262963409091362021-04-18T09:53:39.415-07:002021-04-18T09:53:39.415-07:00At Jimmy's age, I didn't *need* any discip...At Jimmy's age, I didn't *need* any discipline around weight, self-imposed or otherwise. Wait 'til he turns 50. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-51415864008557301832021-04-18T09:44:00.137-07:002021-04-18T09:44:00.137-07:00Jimmy can't answer his phone at work unless he...Jimmy can't answer his phone at work unless he is on a break, but I have on some days told him to make sure he calls me on lunch (which is never the same for him). I could see telling him he has a spanking coming and have him thinking about why all day. But on the other hand I don't want him distracted when electrocution is the worst possible result.Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715979249663789709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-1678715385719042802021-04-18T09:37:52.370-07:002021-04-18T09:37:52.370-07:00Jimmy hasn't asked me to use DD to enforce any...Jimmy hasn't asked me to use DD to enforce any self-improvent goals and I kind of doubt he will. It has all been my goals for him, things he really doesn't want to do but is ok when I "make" him with the threat of the paddle. It is interesting for me to hear you guys talk about DD help to lose weight and other goals you have set for yourself. Jimmy really has no problem with self-discipline in those areas. It's the things I want him to change where he needs external accountability. Fascinating.Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715979249663789709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-71067625330563135982021-04-17T16:11:37.021-07:002021-04-17T16:11:37.021-07:00Most of our DD goals, when we're on, are coach...Most of our DD goals, when we're on, are coach-like and oriented around health and work performance. I agree with others that it can be really effective although the downside is that it turns you into quite a legalist if your spanker isn't exercising full "I know it when I see it" discretion. This is natural because the spanking hurts and so the brain can't help but try to avoid getting one. Some goal design is required here.<br /><br />In the work arena, as Dan mentioned, there often can't be enough insight from the spouse into the particulars of work performance to make effective judgment calls, so the legal rules (number of calls made, a positive report from internet monitoring, a number of tickets processed, and so on) are necessary. We spend a lot of time defining exactly what those metrics look like and try to set up multiple metrics for one goal to make them hard for me to game, and adjust them periodically. As discussed several weeks ago, we have zero issues with honestly, so once we're set up I'm a reliable reporter. <br /><br />A couple years ago we also talked about some of the automated systems we set up to make it even easier. We are going to be doing more of that this year, too. We really feel like we can't do enough to make the spanking "automatically happen" once the line is crossed because neither of us wants to spend the energy discussing whether it should happen.<br /><br />Thanks for the topic!MWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-6021233102090255472021-04-17T13:39:40.514-07:002021-04-17T13:39:40.514-07:00Great stuff! I'm glad to hear about the weight...Great stuff! I'm glad to hear about the weight plateau breakthrough. I love quite a bit of weight over the course of the pandemic, and I've keep it off. Which is great. But, I'd still like to a few more pounds and am finding that very hard.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79939500328391012142021-04-17T02:38:14.206-07:002021-04-17T02:38:14.206-07:00The "c" word is not part of my vocabular...The "c" word is not part of my vocabulary either, nor has it ever been. Having lived internationally for quite a few years now, I agree totally about the cultural dependence on language. It is really kind of crazy that we make certain words OK and other words that literally mean the same thing offensive, but the meaning to the hearer's ears - and all the cultural baggage a word brings along with it - is what makes a word offensive. When heard through the lens of cultural or other context, words do have different weight and underlying implications, ultimately giving them different overall meaning, even when they are nouns describing the same literal thing. Also words are course just because we learn they are course. I know most all the swear words in the local language where I live, but quite frankly, they don't sound any more impactful than any other words to me. At the same time, people here often freely use English swear words and I know that they don't hear them the same as I do.<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79781163590933350082021-04-17T02:28:16.415-07:002021-04-17T02:28:16.415-07:00Hi Dan,
Good topic! Our primary use of DD has been...Hi Dan,<br />Good topic! Our primary use of DD has been in making me more disciplined and pushing me forward towards my own goals. A close second is attitudes like arrogance, excessive sarcasm, etc. And almost never outright misbehavior.<br /><br />Having experienced DD both in a NXIUM-ish way to help me achieve my own positive goals, and also to curb bad attitudes and behaviors, I do think there is a significant difference between the two, albeit also many similarities, since positive goals can also be expressed in negative ways. For example, if you want to lose weight (positive goal), you could be punished for skipping the gym and overeating (negative behaviors) .<br /><br />Maybe the difference is whether the focus is on the results or the underlying behaviors? Or maybe because the goal is ever-better results? A coach pushes someone to achieve the unachievable, and then to keep reaching even higher.<br /><br />We have been doing the "boot camp" thing for quite a while, with weekly check-ins using a checklist of categories and a scoring system. We have relaxed it quite a bit over the past few months, because my company has been part of one of the biggest technology accelerators in the world, making work quite intense. Consequently, we have been only really focused on weight loss, since health is the most important thing to ensure there will BE a future! As the accelerator program winds down, I expect the "boot camp" will wind back up in tandem.<br /><br />Our boot camp is modeled on military boot camps, which last for months but make life-long changes, rather than the more typical "DD boot camp" which normally lasts a weekend or maybe a week and focuses on the DD relationship. In the military, immature teenagers and young adults are transformed (generally) into responsible adults. A key part of the process is boot camp, and of course the shaping continues throughout the following years because of the inherent structure of the military. <br /><br />Had I entered the military, they would have quickly gotten me in shape both physically and with regard to positive habits regarding hygiene, keeping my room or bed neat, and listening to others and submitting to authority when necessary. So if the military can do it, there is no reason that my loving wife can't also do it, plus if she wants to she has the benefit of actually being able to use a whip to whip me in shape! :-) Since we can’t be as intensive as the military is, having to balance it with normal life, it will take longer to achieve the same results, but undoubtedly it will work if given time.<br /><br />We compiled a list of things that need improvement in order for us to have a structured, organized life, without all the chaos that was so much a part of my life until recently. This extends to things like keeping my closet neat, spending time each week with friends, exercise, diet, keeping fingernails trimmed, and so on. And as I mentioned above, we have weekly check-ins where she scores my performance on each category, and then there is a grading chart showing where punishment begins and severity.<br /><br />All I can say for sure is that it works! Yes, my desk is currently a mess, and there is some disarray in my closet, but my desk is cluttered from a crushing load of hard work which was only possible since my wife helped me to get some career momentum going when we were just stuck several years ago. The clothes in my closet are at least generally folded, though now kind of mixing between winter, spring, and summer clothes, so the stacks are exceeding the available space. I have lost about 20lbs during the past several months, and finally broke through a weight plateau that I have been struggling with. I am a work in progress, but the key is that there continues to be progress, and how many people can honestly say that? I am losing weight, walking more, being more intentional about being social, wake up earlier in the morning, make our bed if I get up last, and many other things as we are racing forward to bigger and better things!<br /><br />-ZM<br /><br />Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-80058051938124950492021-04-17T00:25:20.198-07:002021-04-17T00:25:20.198-07:00My wife has never asked me to come home, but she h...My wife has never asked me to come home, but she has called me at work and told me that I was getting it when I came home, without even giving the reason. Talk about a pit in your stomach....<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-63378945144128897442021-04-16T23:07:43.277-07:002021-04-16T23:07:43.277-07:00Vagina monologues:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v...Vagina monologues:<br />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHPr1b7jkNEMerry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-30437788834005818942021-04-16T16:54:07.825-07:002021-04-16T16:54:07.825-07:00There are a few words out there I have no memory o...There are a few words out there I have no memory of ever using, one being the “C” word. No matter what other people think, it just tastes too awful coming off my tongue. I don’t know at what point in life I heard the word and found it so distasteful, but it’s more than just the vulgarity of it. Language isn't regulated to the point where we all understand the same meanings of words, but I can only describe the c-word as hate speech aimed at or referring to a woman.Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16055467532238794485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-16174595406405061952021-04-16T15:04:21.623-07:002021-04-16T15:04:21.623-07:00Hi Belle!
For me personally, the "C" wor...Hi Belle!<br />For me personally, the "C" word is an acronym. Bear with me:<br /><br />C - Can't<br />U - Understand<br />N - Normal<br />T - Thinking<br /><br />I use it for anyone who is an adult, regardless of gender. "Karens" fall under that description. Anyone (other than my physician) who try to tell me about my medical condition(s) fall under that description. Men who treat me like I'm stupid because I'm a woman fall under that description. People who are mean or rude, or both fall under that description.<br /><br />I could go on, but I think you understand my whats and whys now, whether or not you agree.Merry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-40063092533923374752021-04-16T11:54:21.792-07:002021-04-16T11:54:21.792-07:00Context: We're in the U.S., not England.
Conte...Context: We're in the U.S., not England.<br />Context: Most women in the U.S. consider it offensive.<br />Context: Do you hear your wife using the word? Doubt it.<br />Context: Maybe you can get a spanking by using it around her repeatedly.<br /><br />Don't worry, I do have a sense of humor. I realize pussy is a ridiculous word that could be considered just as offensive. I just can't get too upset about a slang word dreamed up by some man looking at a hairy vagina and thinking it looks like a cat curled up in the woman's lap!<br /><br />Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715979249663789709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7608516527794497922021-04-16T10:35:03.960-07:002021-04-16T10:35:03.960-07:00The three most important things to using most word...The three most important things to using most words: context;context and context <br />AlanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19404206892184443532021-04-16T07:33:17.706-07:002021-04-16T07:33:17.706-07:00Sorry, I meant to say because of the lack of EXTER...Sorry, I meant to say because of the lack of EXTERNAL discipline.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88094588157635078052021-04-16T07:31:18.487-07:002021-04-16T07:31:18.487-07:00Of course. Why didn't I think of that. :-)Of course. Why didn't I think of that. :-)Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-5448720922338618442021-04-16T07:30:35.710-07:002021-04-16T07:30:35.710-07:00It's interesting how culturally dependent lang...It's interesting how culturally dependent language is even when a word comes from a common source, however. I have friends in England who pretty regularly use the "c word," and there it doesn't have nearly as harsh a connotation. While it is slang for vagina, that use is pretty much equivalent to how we would use the word "pussy," i.e. perhaps vulgar but not inherently offensive. It also is used there as a pejorative that roughly means "stupid" or "incompetent" and it's often applied to *men*!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-38982917934324260362021-04-16T07:08:41.187-07:002021-04-16T07:08:41.187-07:00Liz,
“Nor would I force him to leave work to come ...Liz,<br />“Nor would I force him to leave work to come home for a spanking.”<br />I doubt my former girlfriend was unique in requiring me to report home as Dan (and I believe others) have mentioned earlier. A lot of what makes DD work is a males desire to avoid it from actually happening. And when this particular one does actually happen, it makes a deep impressions, as Dan has noted<br />Alan <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-12688300797565939792021-04-16T05:32:36.370-07:002021-04-16T05:32:36.370-07:00Um, Dan, it's because the boat would have to b...Um, Dan, it's because the boat would have to be way to big to accommodate the horses.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-42209713783467095412021-04-16T05:31:01.250-07:002021-04-16T05:31:01.250-07:00WOW! You been schooled Dan.WOW! You been schooled Dan.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-74417975259231010132021-04-15T20:26:08.667-07:002021-04-15T20:26:08.667-07:00"If he had his way he would own a boat, ridin..."If he had his way he would own a boat, riding horses . . ." I'm not sure I see the problem. :-)<br />Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-73941950654790704672021-04-15T20:24:55.972-07:002021-04-15T20:24:55.972-07:00Belle, that is pretty funny. Including that the j...Belle, that is pretty funny. Including that the jokester actually brought up spanking.<br /><br />I have never quite figured out what it is about the "c word" that makes it especially offensive. I'm not saying it isn't, but I'm not sure exactly why.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-86214017297680578482021-04-15T20:22:40.806-07:002021-04-15T20:22:40.806-07:00My wife did make me come home for a spanking one d...My wife did make me come home for a spanking one day, early on in our DD relationship, and sent me back with a very sore butt. The fact that I still remember it 15 years later says something.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-62424649827144192962021-04-15T20:21:32.681-07:002021-04-15T20:21:32.681-07:00Art and Liz, I support the idea and, had I ever fo...Art and Liz, I support the idea and, had I ever found an appropriate "rat," I probably would have acted on it. The one person I opened up to about our DD relationship is a mutual friend who is, in fact, a former work colleague. But, we stopped working together before Anne and I got into DD. It would have been interesting had my time working with her overlapped with our DD relationship . . .Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-24400634677829622182021-04-15T18:43:17.722-07:002021-04-15T18:43:17.722-07:00Hi Liz. The converse can be true, too. I grew up w...Hi Liz. The converse can be true, too. I grew up with out the sternness and boundaries, and I think it's one reason I've always had a high level of intensity and, "tenseness" if that is a word. When you grow up without boundaries, avoiding all the consequences that the real world imposes when you drift too far out of the lane is all on you. I didn't really realize it at the time, but I think growing up I was always on edge because of the lack of internal discipline.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com