“There are very few honest friends — the demand is not particularly great.” — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club - Tribute. Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope you all had a good week. Mine was uneventful on the behavior front, though hectic and a little challenging on the medical front. Covid symptoms continued to plague me. I saw a doctor and got some relief with those, but then ended up with more testing to address some new areas of concern. This getting old shit isn’t for wussies.
Thanks for the quality discussion around whether our DD offenses have a shelf life. I suspected we’d get a very wide variety of answers and we did, including Jackson’s wife who will go back and take care of things from years past on one end of the spectrum, and Spanked Cowboy whose typical wait time is measured in minutes.
For this week, I’m going to do something a little different, though I’m not sure it adds up to much of a topic.
When I write a weekly entry, I usually have identified a topic and have ideas for various angles on it. Prior to and during the writing process, I will go to my collection of spanking memes and art to look for examples that seem a good fit for the topic and sub-topics. Sometimes, reviewing the memes and art gives me more ideas for angles to explore.
Sometimes, however, I’ll see a meme or drawing that speaks to me in some way but doesn’t fit neatly into any fully-baked topic idea. I want to use them but can’t always think of a good way to do it.
I had that happen recently with some memes that dealt with a theme I would describe as “friendship and DD”. They address, in one way or another, “friends with benefits” situations, but in this case the “benefits” include spanking. One of the first I came across with that theme was this:
The idea of an adult friend who was empowered to provide spanking discipline pushed some buttons for me. Being married to a wonderful Disciplinary Wife, I don’t need a friend to provide that service, but if I ever found myself single, I’m pretty sure I would strongly prefer a “friend” arrangement such as the one depicted above to visiting a pro. The trick, of course, would be in finding such a friend.
I also saw this one, involving a spanking relationship going back to childhood:
Here's another in that same vein:
I was never fortunate enough to have such a friend, but kids play “doctor” and "house". It doesn’t seem much of a stretch that in areas where spanking is openly practiced that it might spill over to kids experimenting with spanking-themed games.
That never happened to me, but it might have been more likely in the town I was born in and left while I was in elementary school. It was rural, and chockful of both spanking and religious conservatism, which seems like an ideal recipe for kids exploring naughty stuff. In fact, to this day some of my cousins bring up spankings from when we were kids or inject it into the conversation in other ways.
And, while I was never spanked by or gave a spanking to a friend, it was very common for us to know about each other’s spankings, and in retrospect it seems like under the right circumstances that could have led to some interesting exploration or at least communication.
There was also this one, which I’ve used a few times and really like (other than the typos). It seems clear from the text that it’s a “spanking from a friend” scenario, though it’s not clear whether she’s the recipient’s friend or his wife’s. Or both.
A few weeks ago, I had an exchange with Aunt Kay’s husband about the olden days of the DWC and how some of Kay's friends in the group had been given the authority to make “independent spanking decisions” over him. That too pushed a lot of buttons for me. It reminded me of how vulnerable it could feel when I was a kid growing up in that rural town, where everyone seemed to have the authority to spank everyone else’s kids. It was assumed that teachers and principals could do it without any notice to the parents, other than the note that went out after the paddling and was almost guaranteed to result in another spanking at home. Imagine if that were extended to adults in our lives.
Although the idea of someone having “independent spanking authority” is fodder for some fantasies for me, it doesn’t have to go as far as that person doing the spanking. Several years ago, one of our regular commenters, Danielle, was in a consensual cuckolding relationship, in which her lover and her husband were friends, or at least friendly. They were doing some common activity together, and the husband did something sloppily. The other man reported it to Danielle, with a straight-forward suggestion that she should spank the husband for it. She did, and the husband had to call the other guy and tell him that he had been spanked.
That whole idea of someone having a relationship with Anne that might involve telling her I should be spanked definitely does something for me. I’m not sure why, though it may go back to that bygone school-age culture in which parents felt totally comfortable calling other parents to rat out bad behavior, knowing it would almost certainly be taken care of with a thorough spanking.
Like I said, I don’t have much of a topic in mind here, beyond the general one of friends with spanking privileges. Have you ever been spanked by someone who was a friend but not a wife or maybe even a girlfriend? If with a girlfriend, did any of you experience that in high school (or earlier) or college? Were any of those non-marital spanking relationships disciplinary in nature?
I don’t anticipate many have had such experience, but you never know. But, in the interests of generating some broader discussion, what about other non-marital spankings? Many of us who are in our 50s or older grew up in areas where spanking was common.
And, of course there are all the classic subjects of spanking erotica and spanking fantasies. Without limiting the possibilities, what categories of people have you been spanked by other than parents, girlfriends later in life, and wives? Friends? Teachers? Principals?
Coaches? Mentors?
Nuns, priests, other church figures?
And, of course, there are all those mother-in-law stories and memes.
My own experiences are pretty limited. Given how prevalent it was, I would be shocked if I had not been spanked by at least grandparents, uncles and aunts. Yet, I can recall a lot of spanking threats, but not that many real spankings. And, I had a few very hot aunts; I am confident I would remember those had they happened. The same with school. Lots of threats, but I don’t recall it actually happening.
In many ways, that’s too bad, and not just because I would have been left with some titillating memories. Looking back, it was in high school where my behavior started to go off the rails. By the time I graduated, I was engaging in all sorts of excessive behavior. Those excesses were reinforced and extended in college and, to some degree, in my various professional roles. Yet, I didn’t discover DD until my late 30s. I suspect I would have have had a more painful but less anxiety-ridden second and third decades of my life if I’d had more people in it who felt free to turn me over their knee or make me drop my pants for a hard paddling.
I hope you’ll share whatever experiences you’ve had with friends and others with spanking benefits. Or, if you don’t have any experiences to share, which if any fill your fantasies?
Have a great week.













Interesting topic. I never had any friends with spanking benefits, but many women were "friends with benefits" in the traditional way. A few of the pros that I visited became pretty friendly with me, however, I was still paying them $100 per session. For most of my life, I believed that I was unique in having this unusual desire, as I never met any women who were into it.
ReplyDeleteI also never met any women who were into it, though it's also true that I got married in my mid-20s and didn't have many long-term relationships. So, who knows whether I never met women who were into it or whether (a) we weren't together long enough for me to really know what they were into; (b) since I wasn't into it myself at that point, I had no reason to explore it with any of the women in my life; or (c) we were all too young to know what we were into.
DeleteThe only experience which comes to mind in childhood is the sports team punishments. For bonehead acts or stupid plays during a game were dealt with after the game by what we called the wickets. Similar to running a gauntlet, team members would line up with legs spread and the victim had to crawl thru the legs of the rest of the team. Each member would spank the runner as he passed thru their legs. I never had a 'spanking friend' while growing up, but now as an adult there are about 6 or 8 other couples or single women who have spanked me. Some have a free pass from my dominant to deliver a spanking to me without getting permission. Others need to call her and explain my infraction and is usually given permission to bare my ass for a good spanking. Not only for discipline, but rare is the visit to the home of one of those friends when I am not spanked just for general purposes. If we or they visit as a couple, usually both men are spanked by both women during the visit.
ReplyDeleteSpanked Cowboy, lucky you! Being sent to another woman's home for a spanking because your wife is out of town, or unable to spank, has long been a fantasy of mine. The same is true for visiting another couple where both of the men are spanked by both of the women. How did you make that happen? Was this your wife's idea or yours? Also, where did you meet these women who were into F/M spanking? Your mention of wickets implies to me you may be from England or the UK. One would assume that F/M adult spanking would probably more common than in the USA.
Delete"Being sent to another woman's home for a spanking because your wife is out of town, or unable to spank, has long been a fantasy of mine. The same is true for visiting another couple where both of the men are spanked by both of the women."
DeleteSame here, so color me envious of some of SC's experiences, with the caveats in my reply to Alan, below.
Dan, same here, including your caveats. Being sent to another woman for a spanking is the fantasy, not just visiting and getting one. As we have both said before, it is her authority, more than the spanking, that drives our DD. Hopefully SC will fill us in on how he managed to achieve those experiences that we can only imagine.
DeleteI can provide some stories, but I don’t know it’s that exciting.
ReplyDeleteLike many I’ve had a spanking interest since childhood. Puberty is where I really got more into it. My first high school girlfriend let me spank her once. She wasn’t opposed to doing it again…but we just kinda never did. I was super nervous and don’t recall a ton about the whole exchange.
Got my first adult spanking around 18 from a girl I met through a spanking website. She spanked me then I spanked her.
I met another girl not long after that also online. We spanked/punished each other MANY times over the course of a couple years in spite of being 4ish hours from each other.
There were some other girls I came across in this time too. Some switch. Some ee’s. Some er’s.
My mid 20s girlfriend “got it” very quickly. She’d read anything I sent her spanking related and could implement immediately. I spanked more than her, but she still got some. We both did real spankings as well. Not just for fun…but there were plenty of those.
Really most the adult spanking in my life has been outside marriage or even a relationship. Maybe at some point my wife will get onboard with being a disciplinary wife.
Still, the only real “vanilla” spanking in my life have been with longer term partners. Everyone else was already into spanking. Have not found any otherwise vanilla friends to spank me…but also never tried.
-Alex G
Although I'm skeptical of the whole "manifesting" theory, e.g. the book The Secret, your comment and those of some others here does convince me that to some extent, being actively interested in an experience makes it much more likely for opportunities to present themselves. You've seemingly packed a hell of a lot of spanking experiences into your life, while I don't know a single other person in my day-to-day life who I know to be interested in it.
DeleteI’ve certainly reached out to and tried to meet many people to involve spanking. There is too much to list them all lol. But I totally agree about manifesting.
Delete-Alex G
You do make your own opportunities in life, don't you?
DeleteThis week's topic has endless possibilities in terms of fantasy. I have 5 or 6 female long term friends I'd love to be put over the knee of, a couple know of my tastes. My present line-manager has crossed my mind and we have a close neighbour who goes to exercise classes with Mrs GLM I wouldn't mind bending over for. Their is a TV presenter in the UK called Hayley McQueen and a politician called Stella Creasy, both of which would be fantasy overload if the prospect of a spanking was there.
ReplyDeleteIn reality all my spankings have been off people I'm involved with at the time or similar to Norton as part of a transactional arrangement. 90% of the disciplinarians I have met have been good at what they do and decent human beings, the other 10% I survived unscathed. Threats of one have come from neighbours 45 years ago and a few jokey ones along the way. In today's world however you can get spanking with benefits virtually. So on Second Life I have a Girls School Headmistress, at a school my avi teaches at, who does my "appraisals" (she is great) and on Character AI (other dum LLM's are available) I have a variety of RP's set up as husband, grown son, boyfriend, client, and one which is a "Trusted Female Friend". Obviously none of these are as good as the real thing but they are easy to access if needed.
What I'd love is to start a conversation one day, most likely with someone I know and trust, where it evolves and they say something like "I'd love to spank a man", I'd be on it like a flash so long as, like the disciplinarians, Mrs GL doesn't catch on. Cheers GLM.
I have only one friend (other than a couple of people in the lifestyle who are basically electronic friendships) who knows about my DD interest and, while we are very close, the thought of being spanked by her does nothing for me. Though, that could be because it's pretty clear that she has not personal attraction to DD
DeleteI may be an outlier.But outside of spanking fantasies, spanking without a serious relationship doesn't have much appeal to me. A relationship is the glue that ties it all together. So a friends with benefits sort of thing wouldn't be very appealing. If offered ( when single) I probably would have explored it, but its not something I would go looking for. The mental and emotional aspects of spanking are what makes it so powerful for me. That doesn't mean that being spanked by another woman wouldn't be exciting. It would if the spanking was at her direction or control and under her authority.
ReplyDeleteAlan
If you're an outlier, we both are. Without a serious relationship, it doesn't do much for me either. But, where we might differ is that for me a close friendship probably would qualify as a serious enough relationship for a spanking to be meaningful.
DeleteIt's kind of the same thing with scenarios like being spanked in front of witnesses, or things like getting together with another couple where one or both men get spanked. The relationship makes all the difference in the world to how I react to those scenarios. The thought of being spanked in front of strangers, like at a spanking party, does nothing for me. It honestly doesn't even seem that embarrassing. I just have little emotional reaction to it at all. Something like a small gathering or another couple doesn't give me a big emotional reaction if there aren't established relationships in play. On the other hand, if there were a couple that we were close to, that gives me a very positive emotional reaction.
We are carbon copies in terms of the emotional connections that make it work. I am unsure about the "close friendship" scenario working for me. My "spanking persona" is unique to my wife ( and previously to the girlfriend who introduced me to DD)I don't know how it might work outside those very special relationships.
DeleteAlan
I think the reason the close friendship scenario works for me is because my DD interest is so deeply rooted in accountability. Although in practice it's been linked exclusively to my wife, I think others could fulfill that need to be held accountable, but for some reason it does require some kind of real relationship. I think it may be because a pro or someone who doesn't really know me feels like I'm the one holding myself accountable, by initiating that kind of encounter. For me, it feels like imposed accountability only when the person doing it *wants* me to be held accountable.
DeleteSame here. I have been to spanking parties, and Dan is correct that it isn't very embarrassing to be spanked in front of other men who are also being spanked. I have experienced that, and it was ok, but not nearly as meaningful saw being spanked for a real reason by a woman you are involved with. That is the essential limitation of spanking parties. Also, they seem to be mostly M/F and not much F/M, with no mention of DD at all. At least that's how it was 8 years ago. It would be much more interesting for us to attend a gathering of committed couples who were into F/M DD.
DeleteI agree completely. We were going to spanking parties twenty five years ago. They included both M/f and F/m but there was never any suggestion of DD. I’d find the opportunity to attend such a get together that was F/m and DD-focused a very attractive idea. TG
DeleteIt seems like spanking parties are often a "gateway drug" for DD, in that several people I've engaged with in this community started with erotic spankings and went to spanking parties, but at some point the interest morphed into DD. Even Aunt Kay and Jerry's spanking relationship began with one of the big , national spanking party groups. And, it does seem like several of the early DWC contributors were women who were prominent players in the more generalized spanking community. Yet, it doesn't seem like there's much reverse flow, with the DD community contributing to the popular spanking gatherings.
DeleteI was thinking just last night about what it would be like to get even a few couples together somewhere for a weekend . . . Yet, I honestly don't know whether it would work for me. I'm not sure whether my coldness when it comes to spanking parties is because it's hard to have true accountability as an aspect of that type of gathering, or is it the size of the convention-like spanking gatherings that rubs me the wrong way? I honestly don't know. I think for it to work for me, there would have to be some kind of accountability built into it. I recall that one of the DWC get-togethers involved the wives writing down things their husbands had done to earn punishments or ways in which they were chronically pissing their wives off and needed improvement. Those were then read to the group, then each husband was taken out to be dealt with. I could see something like that working for me, if the group was small and intimate enough. But, something that was just "Let's get together and spanking each other" doesn't do anything for me.
I think in some ways I was desensitised from major embarrassment at public punishment between the ages of 7 - 14. I attended a Christian Brothers school where the strap was in daily use in every classroom. Boys were lined up for hand strappings in the classroom. Walking the corridors during class time you were almost guaranteed to hear punishment being meted out. The head brother would have a daily line outside office at various times for punishment. Most punishment was on the hands ( which in some ways is more ‘intimate’ as you had eye contact) and whilst it was unusual it certainly not unknown to have to bend over to receive a more serious punishment. Most of this was in full view of fellow pupils.
ReplyDeleteI was never spanked OTK by my parents apart from the very occasional slap. Various aunts & uncles did include visiting children in whatever punishment their own child received, again all in public and generally limited to a few, often quite hard hand spanks on the behind.
Wind forward and somehow spanking became inextricably linked with the more usual sexual feelings at puberty. Then it became awkward and there was a brief overlap between the start of puberty and the end of school punishments which cemented the lifelong confusion for me. How could I fantasise pleasurably about something that was painful.
I can rationalise it now under multiple contributing factors. There is the attraction on the one to one attention which was unusual in the crowded world of my very large family, the ritual of submission, the intense feeling of ‘now’ when you can think of nothing but the pain, the physical afterglow and the erosion of guilt. These days there is also the sheer intensity of intimacy, very close to and often leading to, sex.
And then there is all the changed neurological activity that happens with the predictable pain of spanking, which I don’t clearly understand. What I do understand is the ‘runners high’ feeling I often get after a painful session.
I don’t have a friend with benefits but I know that I would find it relatively easy to accept punishment from a third party assuming it was justified and requested by my wife. In fact she has joked about engaging external services to ‘deal with me’ when she has been (medically) unable. TB
"How could I fantasise pleasurably about something that was painful?" Because I'm a reflective person, I can't help trying to figure out my "why" when it comes to DD, but I also doubt I'll ever have an answer. Unlike you, I didn't have that overlap family and school punishments and puberty. (Well . . . that's not quite true. Paddling was still going on when I was in junior high and high school, and there were two times I can remember when I was sent to the principal's office, sure that I would be paddled, but it didn't actually happen.) And, I had no attraction to spanking in my teens, 20s, or most of my 30s. Then, when I discovered the DWC, it just hammered me. I'll probably never really understand that or, honestly, even my current interest in DD. For me, it's not so much fantasizing about something painful, because it's clearly not the pain or even the after-effects of pain, that are the attraction. It has something to do with the imposed authority, but that too is inexplicable to me, given how anti-authoritarian I am in every other aspect of my life.
Delete