Saturday, January 4, 2020

The Club - Meeting 325 - I Have, I would, I Might . . .

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

Sorry for posting so late in the day, but I think this may become my new normal. As much as I do enjoy this blog and our interactions, I feel like there are other things I need to prioritize, including Saturday errands and fun stuff like hiking or doing something athletic and healthy first thing in the morning instead of just whenever I get to it.  Trying to turn over that new leaf for 2020.  Hope springs eternal.

Well, we made it past another holiday season.  Ours was pretty good.  As I said last week, the whole Christmas season was quieter than usual for us, and that seemed like a good thing.  That quiet extended past Christmas, through New Years, and into this last part of the New Years week.  It also became an interesting exercise in perspective as I wrote about the year that passed both here and in a couple of journals I keep.  As I discussed last week, I’m kind of an obsessive keeper of lists, and at the end of each year I tend to do quite a bit of thinking about the year that is passing and planning for the one coming up.  The planning almost never works out, but I do think there is a certain value in the process nonetheless.  In looking back over 2019, something that surprised me was that, as much as I hated the year while I was in it (and I did absolutely hate it), it was at worst a mixed bag. It was a bad year for me in many ways, a bad year for my family in one way because of some mutual losses we suffered, but a pretty good year for my family and many of my friends in other ways.  Many of them actually made a lot of life progress over the course of 2019. While it may not have been a very good year for me, when I look back at it with from a slightly less biased and self-interested perspective, it actually wasn’t as bad as it looked to me in the moment.  I also stumbled across this illustrated article that puts a few things in perspective on a broader scale.  It’s worth a read:


Last week’s “topic” was interesting, if for no other reason than a topic kind of spontaneously emerged out of nothingness.  I didn’t get as many questions as I expected in response to the "Ask Me Anything" segment, but I’m not sure why I’m surprised since it’s never worked as envisioned any of the four or five times that I have, usually in a fit of laziness, trotted it out in order to avoid coming up with a real topic. But, this time out of the chaos of my non-topic topic emerged several comments related to openness, sharing with others this thing we do, being more “out” about who we are and what we do, etc.  It’s plainly something that is on the minds of several of our commenters.  So, given that I don’t have much inspiration for anything truly novel this week, let’s explore it a little more.

I explored this on a personal level early last year. At that time, I reported that I was going through a phase in which I wanted to have deeper, more meaningful communications and relationships with people who are into this lifestyle, including some of the regular commenters on this blog. I also found myself increasingly wanting people, or at least certain people, to know about this aspect of my life or to know more about it. Moreover, as I observed at that time, I am constantly reminded of how hard it is for my wife to punish bad behavior consistently and with some degree of immediacy when we are so paranoid about anyone else catching on to our relationship dynamic. It’s an irritant, because the part of me that was fascinated by DD from the moment I first encountered it also seems to gravitate toward the “humbling” impact of her exercising her authority more openly and about others knowing that she’s the boss. None of that has really changed over the last year. If anything, it's grown as I reach a point in my life where the possible risks of being exposed seem less and less weighty.

Yet, my adventures in openness have been pretty tame so far.  I wear a pendant that a few people who are in the BDSM community and very into its culture might recognize as the symbol for a submissive male. That’s not quite what I consider myself to be, but it’s about as close as I can find for ready-made paraphernalia that puts my status "out there" a bit as a disciplined husband who has been “taken in hand,” by his wife in some form of FLR relationship. Further, as I’ve discussed, to my knowledge, there are two (and sort of three) people who know who I am and that my wife gives me real disciplinary spankings.  The first person I “came out” to is a mutual friend my wife and I have known for many years. The second is a fellow blogger who reached out to me directly after I commented on her blog.  Over time, we became more and more open about our life circumstances and share interests until finally we shared our identities and eventually met in person when our travel paths happened to cross.  We still talk from time to time, but it's become more of a traditional friendship; one in which DD and FLR is seldom even discussed. A third is someone I’ve met through the blog; we know each other’s names and some contact details but have not talked live or met in person.

Compare that to the description of Disciplinary Wives Club gatherings that Tomy’s wife, Aunt Kay, sent me a few years back and that I posted again last week, including her description of sending him off for a session with another wife:

"We made friends with other couples and that was a whole other unexpected outcome. I never imagined disciplining anyone but my own husband. But it became easy for me after a while. I learned that some men need a lot more intensity than my Hubby and I had some really fun times delivering longer and harder sessions than he could ever endure. I still recall smiling to myself as I watched him head off with another DWC wife to get a spanking. When we did things together with other DWC couples; like going to dinners, events, visiting for weekends, there was such a sense of liberation. Just hanging out, being able to talk about lifestyle stuff was amazing. It was like we knew we were special, we shared a kinky little secret when we were out among the rest of the world."

We’ve done nothing close to any of that.  Part of me really wants to explore it, though that part is at war with the part that obsesses about confidentiality and not creating any kind of electronic rabbit trail that would allow anyone interested and snoopy to link my on-line and “real life” identities.  I assume my wife feels the same way and may even be more concerned about it. Though, honestly, that is an assumption on my part. I’ve never really asked her. The fact that I haven’t is pretty inexcusable for someone who writes a weekly blog about this stuff and advises others to have open conversations about their needs and interests.   

All of this also relates back to three comments/questions that emerged last week.  The first was a comment by Liz, who observed:

We might meet other DD couples as well at some point. I don't believe in the stigma of it so the idea doesn't frighten me so. I do think Art would be quite embarrassed, so he would have to agree.  However, I would not meet with erotic spankers. The sex part seems more private to me. Was it you, Dan, who published a DD picture with a woman saying something like, "Why would I be embarrassed? I'm not the one being spanked."

It occurs to me that I always assume my wife is reluctant to meet others, communicate with others or display her authority more openly, simply because she hasn’t initiated any of that, other than a handful of cryptic references to spanking made with family around.  But, maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to make assumptions about her willingness or openness to new things just because she has not initiated them, particularly since to paraphrase Liz, why should she be embarrassed? She’s not the one getting spanked.

The second comment was a question about my unmet resolution to do a domestic discipline “bootcamp.” As discussed, I was never able to find much out there on-line about what such a bootcamp might look like, and what little I did find was very M/f oriented and also aimed at couples who are very new to this stuff. But, I did find an on-line manual that suggested a  series of written information exchanges about past experiences with discipline, needs, desires, hard limits, etc. 

Finally, MW talked about his on-again-off-again communications with his wife about this stuff and how she had made a reference to a now defunct website called Taken In Hand that explored domestic discipline themes, largely from a M/f perspective.  As he noted, after 31 years of marriage he and his wife are still kind of tip-toeing around what they both want or are interested in exploring.  Again, as with my totally uninformed assumption bout my wife’s openness to openness or lack thereof, sometimes even couples who have known each other a very long time don’t really have a very firm idea what the person they share a bed and a life with has tried, wants to try, or would be willing to try, and in the absence of such knowledge we make a whole bunch of assumptions.

So, this week, let’s play a little game of “I have/I would/I would never” centered around openness and desire to interact with others.  I’m going to give you a list of statements, and you can tell me and the rest of us which ones you’ve done, which ones you might be willing to do, and which you are pretty sure are just plainly over the line.  If possible, discuss it with your significant other and get their view as well.  So, here we go.  Have you ever?

·      Worn something symbolizing your DD or FLR status?
·      Left a spanking tool, including innocuous but iconic tools like a hairbrush or bathbrush, on prominent display in a context that might hint at its naughtier use?
·      Displayed a tool that is most definitely associated with spanking, such as a paddle with a clever quip making clear it’s intended use. I doubt many of these are on open display now, but I’m not sure that was the case back when we were kids?
·      Made an open if cryptic reference to delivering or getting a spanking within earshot of friends or relatives, such as the time my wife made a “quip” at a Christmas brunch telling me to do something or she might have to spank me?
·      Engaged in or been subjected to some very overt display of authority in front of others? 
·      Openly told a friend or family member that you get spanked by your wife or that you spank your husband?
·      Exchanged emails or talked by telephone with someone about your DD or FLR relationship?
·      Talked face-to-face with another person who you know is into DD or FLR?
·      Gotten together socially with one or more couples who are into DD?
·      Been spanked by your wife/spanked your husband at such a gathering or with another couple present?
·      Been spanked by someone other than your wife/spanked someone other than your husband during your current relationship and with your partner’s consent?
·      Been spanked by someone other than your wife/spanked someone other than your husband during your current relationship, with your partner’s consent, at a gathering with someone else present?

And, to the extent you haven't done one or more of the above, is it something you want to try? Or, if it's not something you yourself actively want to try, would you be willing to if your spouse wanted to try it? I’m sure I did a piss-poor job of structuring those questions, just like I used to when constructing polls on this kind of stuff when Blogger had a polling widget. But, you get the drift. How open have you been so far about your DD relationship? How open would you like to be, or at least how open could you see yourself being under the right circumstances?

What if we go beyond mere openness?  For the men, have you ever been spanked by someone other than your wife but with her permission?  Have you ever been spanked by her in front of someone else? Someone other than a family member?   

Opening it up a bit more, have you ever been spanked along with someone else? While I doubt it happens much nowadays, when I was a kid it really was not all that uncommon to get spanked with a friend, relative, etc. if you were both caught acting up in some way.  I can recall at least one time that a cousin and I both got spanked by his dad, my uncle, for some bit of mischief.  


Interestingly, while I do think getting spanked together with other youthful offenders was not all that uncommon growing up, I really struggled to find art depicting two men (or boys) getting spanked at the same time. In fact, out of my 2000+ collection of spanking drawings and captioned photos, I could find only a few depicting multiple spankees, though drawings of multiple spankers or spankings with witnesses in attendance abounded, and the few that I could find with multiple spankees tended to involve exclusively female spankees or one of both genders. 

 

 

Ladies, what about your level of openness? Have you corresponded by email or talked over the telephone, or had a live conversation, with another disciplinary wife?  Would you like to?  Would you ever attend a get-together with other DD couples?  Have you or would you ever give a disciplinary spanking to someone other than your husband, with or without your husband’s consent? 

I'll kick it off on a few of these, though as I said, our adventures in openness have been pretty limited. 

Have we ever worn something that symbolizes our respective status?  As discussed, I wear a pendant that symbolizes a "submissive male" in the BDSM community.  I've also given her a pair of earrings that have a "triskele" pattern, which is a symbol (among a bunch of other historical things) identifying someone into BDSM.  We are not into enforced chastity, but this is about the best I can do for drawings/captioned photos dealing with this particular form of "openness":


Displayed spanking tools? Only in very innocuous ways.  We have left a bath brush on open display in one of our bathrooms.  We've never really gone beyond that, and we haven't displayed anything that would openly suggest a common item is actually used for spanking.  Of course, back in the old, less politically correct days, it may have been much more common for displinary items to be on more or less open display in many households.


Made an open if cryptic reference to delivering or getting a spanking within earshot of friends or relatives?  As discussed, my wife has, on maybe three occasions, openly alluded to spanking me, always in front of relatives and in a way that would likely be taken as joking.

Engaged in or been subjected to some very overt display of authority in front of others? Sort of.  There are times she gets more open about her authority, such as "asking" me to do something in a tone of voice that kind of makes it clear she is not really asking.  She also always takes the check when we go to restaurants. There also was an office holiday party in which we were talking to a young woman I used to work with and her husband.  My young colleague was pretty direct in telling her husband to go get her another drink at the bar, and my wife started doing the same. I've always wondered whether I was a witness to a FLR dynamic in play that night, but I don't really know.

Openly told a friend or family member that I get spanked? As discussed above, I have.  As far as I know, my wife has not, though she has started opening up more to our adult kids about the fact that she makes the final decisions in the family. I'm not sure they fully believe her, and I'm pretty sure they have no idea about the DD aspects of the relationships, but who really knows? As discussed in an earlier post, after I told our mutual friend about our DD relationship, she and my wife talked about it while at a game, and on the way home and after a few drinks my wife called me with the friend in the car and told me I was going to get spanked that night.  I've also told the fellow blogger about times when I have been spanked or am going to be spanked, though that happened more when we first started corresponding.  And, I have corresponded with a few commenters here about specific spankings. Somehow, it is humbling knowing that others know you are going to be spanked or have been very recently, even when the communication is remote or electronic. (By the way, I'm not a huge Endart fan, but something about this one really gets to me.


Gotten together socially with one or more couples who are into DD?  No.  I would be open to it. I don't know whether my wife would.

Been spanked by your wife/spanked your husband at such a gathering or with another couple present for it or aware you are getting spanked? No, but if we ever had such a gathering, I would do it if she wanted to take things in that direction. 


Been spanked by someone other than your wife/spanked someone other than your husband during your current relationship and with your partner’s consent?  I've recounted here a dream I had a few months ago about being taken out of a gathering and spanked by someone at work, with my wife's knowledge and consent.  I really doubt she would ever order such a thing, but if she did, I am pretty sure I would cooperate.  Also, as long as it was the kind of non-sexual encounter Aunt Kay described above, I would be OK with her spanking another man.

Been spanked by someone other than your wife/spanked someone other than your husband during your current relationship, with your partner’s consent, at a gathering with someone else present?  We haven't done anything like this but, again, as long as it really was a disciplinary spanking, I would probably consent to it.  As I've discussed, erotic spankings don't really do much for me, so the thought of being spanked or her spanking someone at a spanking party doesn't appeal. But, if it was something like Tomy and Kay have described, with another wife being allowed to give a disciplinary spanking with my wife's consent, yes, I would do it if my wife told me to.
Let’s have some fun with this one, sharing experiences and also talking openly about what we might be willing to explore even if we haven’t done so . . . yet.


Have a great week, and best wishes for a healthy and happy 2020.

62 comments:

  1. We probably need a good way to signal our participation with others. Then, they could respond if they wanted.

    For example, the female partner could make this comment: "We will deal with this when we get home." It could be in response to any situation that occurs. It might be for when she decides her partner needs correction. In that case, her partner will know that he's going to get a spanking (or worse) when they get home. It might just mean that she's decided not to discuss something in public.

    If someone hearing this is part of the community, they can respond with, "We always take care of it that way." This opens up the discussion for more information. Or, they could say, "That sounds like the best way to do it." That might mean they aren't currently participating but are open to discussing it openly.

    For people outside the community, the remark that the couple will "take care" of this at home won't mean anything special, because it doesn't suggest any specific power relationship. But having the woman make the comment will suggest to the suggestible that the woman is in charge and has the authority to deliver punishment when indicated.

    Good luck with opening up your status to others. It's a risky world, but with risk comes reward!

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    1. Right. That has been my thought with regarding to the pendent I wear -- only someone who is already in the lifestyle is going to have any idea what it means, so why would I be embarrassed. Now, where it has caused me embarrassment is when someone has seen it and asked what it is. One would think I'd have a stock answer to lob back at them, yet every time it's happened it's taken me by surprise and I've stammered out some lame statement that probably served only to suggest that I was, in fact, hiding something.

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    2. I tried to get #1 done, but the t-shirt I ordered arrived with the design black-on-black, rendering it invisible!
      CrimsonKing

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  2. My married sister found my copy of Janus when I was staying with her aged about 20. She placed it face down on the bedside cabinet after she had been in the guest room to tidy up. She placed a packet of tissues nearby. She has never mentioned it.

    My wife and I keep a carpet beater in full view on the inside of the cloaks cupboard door in the downstairs hall. You can see it clearly when we hang up guest coats. We also keep a riding crop in the umbrella stand from my daughters riding days. There is a lovely bathbrush hanging in the guest bathroom. So far no comments from anyone. I think the children have an idea thay we play.

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    1. Thanks, Michael. Those are some great examples. I'm sure I would have been mortified by the Janus incident had it happened to me.

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  3. Worn something symbolizing your DD or FLR status? I wear a bracelet symbolizing submission to my wife. Much like yours unless you are in the BDSM lifestyle you probably wouldn't think anything about it.

    Exchanged emails or talked by telephone with someone about your DD or FLR relationship? My Wife and I have joined the Fetlife world and both have shared via emails about our FLR and DD life with a few people.

    Talked face-to-face with another person who you know is into DD or FLR? We have actually met a single lady and a couple, separately, that we have gotten to know on Fetlife. The lady we had coffee with and the couple we had dinner. It was nice to be able to talk about "this thing that we do" among normal everyday conversation.

    Gotten together socially with one or more couples who are into DD? The couple is probably a bit more to the play side, while there may be some play spankings for me there are definitely punishment spanks.

    All of the rest we have not done but I would be open to if my Wife was open to it.

    Luvinhub

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    1. Having dinner with another couple who are into it would be an interesting experience. It would be interesting to see where that conversation went.

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    2. We are on Fetlife and have met others there as well. cowboy_lac is my Fet ID. Give is a shout.

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    3. Dan
      It was a nice evening of food and conversation. The conversation ran from normal "vanilla" life of who we are and what we do for a living to DD and BDSM. It was enjoyable to be able to have an open conversation about DD and the fun fetishes of a relationship.

      Spanked Cowboy
      I am subluvhub on Fet

      Luvinhub

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    4. not sure if anyone will see this seeing as we're onto a new week but i'm Slvrexec on feb (lame name open to suggestions) would be great for anyone to reach out....would love to connect

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  4. This is Arthur. Because we are DD but not FLR, we would have to agree on sharing with anyone about our use of corporal punishment. I would definitely not want anyone at work to know, as it clearly would have a negative effect on the respect that I have, especially since most of my paddlings are for my behavior at work. Though I imagine there are a couple people who wouldn't mind reporting my work behavior to my wife!

    I also am not wearing a necklace, leaving a paddle in plain sight, etc. We do have curious children at home. They do know that my wife is helping me with curbing my dictatorial behavior at home, and it is clear that I have ceded some authority to her. I am sure they appreciate that, and I am clearly a better father than before DD. But they don't know and I hope will never know that their mother paddles their father. Liz is much more laissez faire about such issues, but I am sure she will follow my wishes.

    The one person who does know is her mother, as I have previously described, and she is in a unique position because it was her comment that I deserved a good thrashing (after my wife had taken the children to her mother's because of my meanness) that triggered me to suggest DD and helped my wife and I rebuild our marriage. After my wife began paddling me, she became more and more curious about the mutual DD between her parents. I encouraged her to ask her mother about it, not realizing that would probably result in a revelation of our DD. When my wife finally said she was ready to talk to her mom, she mentioned that she planned to reveal that she was spanking me. I was unsure how to respond. On the one hand, I did not want my mother-in-law to know. On the other, I sort of felt she deserved to know because of her part in initiating our DD. I left it up to my wife, and the conversation just happened recently and there has been no fallout. If anything, I think her mother and I are closer.

    The other "public" thing that has happened is that my wife has on occasion made a cryptic comment about our DD such as "Calm down, Art, or we will be discussing that Monday" (which is our punishment day after the kids get on their school buses). She has said that in front of our children and that led to an explanation that we had weekly "discussions" to help reduce the behavior that led to our temporary separation. All of our relatives know why we separated and that I am on somewhat thin ice and must do better, and that this gives my wife some authority over me. Whether any suspect that the authority includes DD I don't know and don't want to know.

    I am sure Liz will want to comment as well.
    Arthur

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    1. "All of our relatives know why we separated and that I am on somewhat thin ice and must do better, and that this gives my wife some authority over me." That's an interesting angle, in that your relatives do kind of know that there was an adjustment to the power dynamic in order to address your shortcomings, but not exactly what that entails.

      When my wife has talked to our kids about some of her decision making, I think it has been explained in terms of how I make lots of decisions at work, it gets old, so I *want* her to make a lot of the decisions. But, I think over time she is opening up bit by bit that it is her choice in the matter that is driving that process, not really my wishes or consent.

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    2. My wife recently related that the kids had a talk with her in which they said I have been much nicer since she "took us to grandma's." The oldest, a savvy teenager, told her mother she has noticed her giving me "warning looks." My wife acknowledged this, and my daughter asked, "what happens if he doesn't follow the warning? Do we go back to geandma's?" My wife told her she did not think that would be necessary because she was pretty certain I would follow the warnings.
      So yes, the change in power dynamic must be quite noticeable, even though the means of enforcement is secret.
      Arthur

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  5. As my wife has grown in her confidence she has started making more comments in front of others. Our kids have come to know that I have started to take a back seat to her and consequently am much more helpful around the house and less irritable. As my wife has seen the changes in me .......she recently told her sister who was struggling with getting her husband to help around the house that she spanks me. Who knows where that will go??

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    1. What is it with women and their sisters? It's well outside my experience. My wife detests her sister, and I don't think my own sisters are close enough to share that kind of stuff.

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  6. There are a few things that might have reference to spanking. My wife has a hair brush she keeps on the coffee table in the living room. Some people we associate with knows exactly what that's for others have no clue.

    My wife has made comments in public like we will take care of this when we get home or take her hair brush out of her purse and say knock it off right now or you know what will happen.

    My wife has told her sister and mother she spanks me along with a couple of her friends. My wife when we had company over has taken me to the bedroom to spank me if I did something wrong not knowing the spanking was heard through the heat runs.

    We have never got together with another DD couple but I would like to. Not sure if my wife would.

    I haven't been spanked by anyone else but I think it would be exciting.

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  7. Oh, THIS will be easy, LOL. You listed 12 points if I counted correctly, so, "I have" x 12. The only one that is a little "iffy" is whether or not Nickki & Jean 'count' as a DD couple. They have certainly engaged with me, and also between themselves a bit, but perhaps not as regularly as a couple as our blog group here....though I think it's something Nickki would want to develop further. But otherwise, I'm confident about the technical accuracy of my "I have"s.

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  8. We have several things here Dev will use if a spanking is imminent. Some clothes she wears are every day attire but to me it screams a paddling. Like many women she has an array of hairbrushes but if she uses a certain brush to do her hair in public nothing is said nor does it need to be. We have a little ceramic house that lites up. It’s a village store appropriately named the “ paddle store “. If that is turned on the message has been sent. There’s no way in the world anyone will make the connection. Sometimes she’ll just text that the store is open for business. JR

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    1. A ceramic house. That is certainly novel and inventive!

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  9. This is Liz. I would be open to conversing with other disciplinary wives to learn about their DD relationships and what has worked best for them. That could possibly include meeting, either with or without our husbands. But just with one or two other couples. I don't see ua going to a party or a conference. I could even see it possibly progressing to witnessed punishments, spanking each other's husbands, etc., as Kay did. But the men would have to agree as well. One issue is that we don't travel much. We are in the Eastern time zone.

    Is there any message board for disciplinary wives? I would join it.

    Art has described the little bit of sharing we have done about our DD. My mother was very interesting when I asked her how DD began with my Dad. She said he was very authoritarian and father-like and since she had grown up being spanked it seemed quite normal to her that she would be punished by her husband. After a number of years, she suggested that his behavior warranted it as well, and she was surprised that he agreed. But his Dad had "whopped" him well into his teens, so he had that background.

    I grew up with it, and my brothers often got in trouble together and were punished together, so yes Dan it really did happen. I was typically sent to bed first so did not witness it much, but I sure did hear a lot.

    When Art suggested I paddle him it was no big shock to me. People don't stop being naughty when they become adults, nor do punishment techniques automatically stop working at a certain age. If you believe in the effectiveness of spanking, then why not in a marriage? I'm sort of surprised I didn't think of it and needed my husband to work up the courage to request it.
    Liz


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    1. I've always been fascinated by your parents dynamic. I see it wasn't any huge deal for them given their mutual spanking background. But how did you as the child find to about it

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    2. Thanks, Liz. "People don't stop being naughty when they become adults . . ." Ain't that the truth!

      Your first paragraph is close to what I think I would be comfortable with. The bigger the gathering, the more it seems to be just kink and less likely to really be about DD. I know that's not necessarily the case, but it's how that dynamic strikes me.

      It's interesting that back when Blogger enabled polling, I ran some polls trying to determine whether people who are into DD now were spanked as kids. I could never see much of a pattern there -- some who were into spanking now had been spanked as kids and some never were spanked as kids but craved it now. But, I do have to think that being raised in a spanking household must make one pre-disposed to being somewhat comfortable with it. Though, you are one of only two or three wives who have commented that they knew their fathers were spanked.

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    3. In reply to how my siblings and I knew about our parents, as mentioned in an entry above, a lot of sound travels through those heating vents, and the sound of spanking is quite unmistakable.
      Liz

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    4. I think my parents were extremely unusual, Dan. Both my Dad submitting to DD and that they switched.
      I think it is more common today for husbands to submit to their wives in some manner, whether it be DD, FLR, BDSM, or even in a vanilla manner. Women have become more powerful in our culture, and men are not as stigmatized for taking a backseat or even displaying a "feminine side" as part of their submission. When I buy underwear or lingerie online, a huge percentage of the reviews, questions, and comments are from men who are wearing women's undergarments! Even 10 years ago that was not the case at all. It's not DD but it is a display of submissiveness, I believe.
      I also have noticed when I am out and about that more men say "Yes, Ma'am" to me. I know I am getting older, but it's not just that. I never used to hear it from men older than me. Now I do, practically daily.

      I am not equating these examples with DD, which I agree is still rare. But they are public displays of submissiveness, which a male must feel on some level to want DD. I am a bit stunned by the way a type A like Art submits to a paddling. He has never once objected to my discipline. Yet he still is my macho man -- in a good way. It shows me that corporal punishment works without causing widespread changes in one's personality or relationships. It's just not that big a deal to get spanked by your spouse periodically!
      Liz

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    5. Hi Liz. It may be the case that men are more commonly submissive today than in the past. I don't really have any way to gauge. I'm in a fairly "macho" branch of a fairly macho profession. Most of my male work friends are pretty type-A, dominant personalities. Now, as for what goes on in their bedrooms? Hard to say. In over 20 years in this career, I've only detected a real FLR vibe with a co-worker once. And, she was younger. I do think it could be that younger women are more commonly playing some more dominant role in their marriages, even if it is, as you say, "vanilla." One younger female FLR blogger I know has told me that several of her girlfriends talk as if they are the "Head of Household" in their relationships, though she doesn't know whether that includes things like corporal punishment or "FLR"-like power exchanges.

      That's really interesting information regarding men's lingerie purchasing habits. As for saying "Yes, Ma'am," I tend to do that a lot myself, though it's more a product of cultural background.

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  10. I spent many years as a member of the BDSM community in a big city. In that respect, I've spanked and been spanked many times in the presence of lots of other people, both friends and strangers. Of course, in that context there's no real risk. I've never believed that the DWC was real. I believe it sexualizes spanking way too much to be truly domestic discipline.

    We do have one overt symbol of our disciplinary relationship that is visible to others. It's a small paddle that hangs in the doorway of our camper. On the handle it says "hers" on the business end it says "his". Nobody has commented on it, but I'm pretty sure the message it sends is very clear.

    I would be very open to a relationship with other people who are involved in DD. However, it is unlikely anyone other than another blogger would be in the position to actually get to know me. That's too bad. I have no fantasies about Boot Camp or group spankings, etc. That's way too BDSM to fit into our disciplinary relationship.

    I'm not sure how I feel about wearing some symbol that would be like a secret handshake for those of us in disciplinary relationships. I guess that after being in the public BDSM scene for so long, I think about our real disciplinary relationship as something much more private. I don't think I'd mind if somebody I trusted knew about it, but I don't feel any great urge to broadcast beyond, of course, my blog. The blog is anonymous and therefore, safe.

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    1. I have to disagree with you on the DWC. The content on it is much less sexual than most of the posts on here, and I consider my own DD relationship plenty real.

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    2. So are you saying Aunt Kay never existed? Or what?

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    3. Just going to take this moment to again wish all a happy and fruitful New Year and also my own wish to not sully her precious memory with a bunch of online garbage.

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    4. Agreed with Tomy. Let's drop this thread.

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  11. Even before we were married, N. (my late wife) chose to tell some of her close (female) friends that she spanked me... and, before long, she invited them to watch - and even (occasionally), to "participate". Among those friends, was J. (whom I later married, and who soon followed N's MO... with some of the same friends, as well as a few of her own - but also with her own sister B. whenever we get together (B lives in France...)
    Both N. and J. also found ways (or "reasons") to spank and/or whip me in semi-public places, where it could be overheard by "strangers" - especially in hotel rooms when traveling on vacations, and they clearly enjoyed the knowing smiles (and occasional comments) from service maids or from other guests. At home, both N. and J. usually made a point of leaving the martinet (or a cane) on display in the kitchen or in the sitting room when one of their friends came to visit - whether or not it would later be used... but the meaning was clear!..
    L.

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    1. Like N., I think it helps to have some of my friends know (and watch) how L. is being disciplined - and even, once in a while, to invite them to "give me a hand". Accepting (however reluctantly- at least at first) was important to assert my authority to enforce the same disciplinary regime which N. had initiated - and unfailingly enforced!
      J

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  12. TO answer your questions:

    I wear my key on a chain around my neck when he's in chastity. If he's not in chastity, I don't wear it.

    I leave out implements, but usually ones that aren't obvious, like a hairbrush, bath brush or regular belt. The other implements are in a closet or a drawer. I'll take them out after I dress for a Disciplinary Session and lay them out on a table before I call him out of his corner. After I've concluded the Disciplinary Session, I usually put them away, but sometimes I've had him do it.

    If we were with people who don't know about us, I've made veiled references to giving him a spanking. If we're with people who know, I'll just tell him he's going to get one when we get home.

    I've made open display of authority only in front of people who know and only when he's under Discipline or in chastity. If he's under Discipline or in chastity, he has to address me as "Ma'am" or "Miss Cecilia", but I make allowances for being in public. He also has to ask permission to do almost anything when he's under Discipline or in chastity, but, I also make allowances when we're in public.

    I've told several friends and even spanked him in front of them. When I got pregnant, my mother offered to help with the baby. Husband had a large house before I started dating him and we still have it. There's plenty of room for Mom, so she sold her home and moved in with us. We agreed we had to tell her. She wanted to see it, of course, so he did agree to swap some holiday hiatus time.

    We have made friends and acquaintances who practice FLR and DD, so I've exchanged emails and phone calls with them.

    We've talked face to face with couples like us and gone to social events for couples into FLRs and DD. We've gone to events where discipline was practiced for everyone to see and I've disciplined husband at them. These events usually involve the submissives waiting on and generally serving the dominant partners, so I've always required husband to wear a maid dress and petticoats.

    There was one event where something of an emergency nature occurred and husband was the only one who knew what to do. It was a little entertaining to see this guy in makeup, a maid dress and petticoats barking orders at everyone to bring him this or that, hold this or that or do this or that.

    I've never permitted anyone to spank husband at an event. I never really wanted anyone to spank him besides me. During the last months of my pregnancy, when I didn't have a lot of energy, I did let a few other women spank him, because he just deserved it. It didn't work out for a lot of reasons. One reason was because of something that happens when he gets spanked, but there were others that didn't work out for me or the other women who spanked him.

    It was funny, because early on, my best friend wanted to give him a spanking, but I told her firmly "no". When I was in the last months of my pregnancy, I asked her if she was still interested and she was. She spanked him twice and told me before I could say anything after the second time she didn't want to do it again. Husband strongly objected when I brought up the subject, but, when I explained I didn't have the energy and he had to be disciplined for his disobedience, he relented. After the baby came, we talked about it again and agreed I'd be the only one who spanked him. If I have another baby, I'll just keep a list of his disobedience and we'll just have to delay his discipline. We're both fine with that.

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    1. Wow, you are right up there with KD in terms of openness and being way "out"!

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  13. All that and more! Our spanking bench was kept in the living room of our previous home.

    I guess you could say we have (had) no shame!

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  14. I can truthfully answer to every one of your statements on the list. Like you, I wear a pendant which signifies me as a collared male submissive. We talk about our relationship with others. We know and associate with others in the DD lifestyle, I have been spanked in front of and by others as she has spanked other male submissives. Even in your 'opening up a bit more' category, I have been spanked together with others of both sexes.

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    1. Thanks, SC. It's great that like KD and Cecilia, you're apparently very comfortable openly displaying this stuff.

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    2. Perhaps because it is my second full time DD relationship, but yes, we are comfortable with ore relationship and if it is 'discovered' by others, so be it.

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  15. I Have... not much from the list. My wife is further along than I am, having spoken to her friends about spanking me. I'm a little surprised she hasn't threatened spanking in public, already.

    I Would... Like to discuss our FLR/DD openly this year with both her friends and my own. Hoping to get that started early this year.

    I Might... We'll see where it goes. My wife and I have discussed the possibility of my being spanked by one of her friends, so there's a chance... Actually my nudity might be a bigger hurdle than the spanking itself, especially for the married friends. Of course, if their husbands also got disciplined...
    CrimsonKing


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    1. That's a good point about nudity. I paddle my husband clothed, and would not spank another man nude, so that may preclude meeting with others who expect the bottom to be bared. My husband very much wants his punishment divorced from our sexuality. I know that is not the case for most DD couples. But I like keeping it separate, especially since i like to be erotically spanked without the disciplinary aspect.
      Liz

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    2. Frontal nudity for their husbands may be a problem for female disciplinarians in general.It was the reason ( or one of them) why my former girlfriend only administered spankings in adjacent rooms , within the hearing of her college roommate but not where she could see it. My wife has a similar problem with my sister in law potentially seeing me erect.That was much more a concern to her than seeing me bare bum, although she did discuss with me how and when she would bare me to minimize any hint of sexuality about it. That concern seems to have faded now although she still makes sure there is no erection.
      Alan

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    3. Interesting points. I'd like to hear from Tomy about how that issue was handled at DWC events or when he was sent to other wives for a discipline session.

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    4. Hopefully Tomy will respond to this question since he was obviously present at those DWC events where husbands were spanked by other wives. However, I will mention that I do seem to recall discussion about that in the private DWC forum of the day - and, iirc, the men generally kept their underwear on so it covered them frontally, with the underwear either being pulled down in the rear to fully expose their bottom, or pulled up into the middle so that the cheeks were fully exposed. --al

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    5. I think "frontal nudity" was more a problem for husband than me, or as close to "frontal nudity" as we get. At first, husband didn't want to go to events or have anybody see him get disciplined.

      The first one who got to witness a Disciplinary Session was my best friend. I had to go and get him out of his corner (he got extra for that). He expressed some reservations about my best friend seeing him dressed up, smelling his perfume, and seeing his erection (he's always erect when he's dressed up).

      Since humiliation is part of my Disciplinary Process, once I got his dress and petticoats off, I made comments about the "tent" in his panties and encouraged her to make them, too. When it came time to get across my lap and I pulled down his panties, we made comments about his erection. Eventually, he got used to the idea of the ladies seeing him like that.

      Getting him to agree to a gathering or event took a little doing, too, since he was used to the idea of ladies seeing him, but he really didn't want any men to see him like that, even though he knew they were disciplined, too. At the first couple of events or gatherings, some of the other ladies went first with their husbands or boyfriends. He's gotten used to the men, now, but only at events or gatherings or only men who are disciplined. There are some non-disciplinary ladies who've witnessed one of my Disciplinary Sessions, but, he doesn't want any men who aren't disciplined to watch.

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  16. I have been having this recurring erotic dream in which my wife and several of her girlfriends are having a party at which they are playing a version of musical chairs: each woman has a naked husband over her lap spanking him, and when the music stops the guys have to switch laps until every man has been spanked by every woman in the room.

    A few days ago I finally got up the nerve to tell my wife about this dream and she looked at me and smiled and said "Good idea." Now I am over the moon with anticipation, though I doubt she was serious.
    Anton

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  17. • Worn something symbolizing your DD or FLR status?

    Nope.

    • Left a spanking tool, including innocuous but iconic tools like a hairbrush or bathbrush, on prominent display in a context that might hint at its naughtier use?

    Yep - my wife leaves the Vermont bath brush on the night stand by our bed all the time. One might expect to routinely find a hairbrush on a nightstand, but a bath brush routinely left there might cause a raised eyebrow here and there - but so far no one has mentioned it. (The "Vermont" brush was a wooden bath brush manufactured in Germany and sold by the Vermont Country Store that was "the perfect spanking brush". It was available by mail order and was very popular in the spanking community for a few years in the early 2000's, and frequently mentioned on the forums of the day. We often wondered if the good folks at the Vermont Store knew why they sold so many of those bath brushes. The store is still in business but hasn't sold the brush in quite some time.)

    • Displayed a tool that is most definitely associated with spanking, such as a paddle with a clever quip making clear it’s intended use. I doubt many of these are on open display now, but I’m not sure that was the case back when we were kids?

    Yes - we had a paddle that read "Attitude Adjuster" on prominent display when the kids were young - and it was occasionally used quite effectively to adjust some sassy children's attitude. (Nothing severe - just enough to get their attention. Interestingly though, it was my wife who put it to use - and she always insisted it be on their bare bottom - and this was long before she first paddled my bare behind. Maybe that should have been a clue.). Anyway, even after the kids were grown, that paddle remained on display - and still is. And I can personally attest that it is a very effective attitude adjuster. We have been asked on occasion why it is still in view - and we just claim sentimentality.

    We did, however, leave one of our other paddles on the couch one day after Susan had seen fit to blister my behind (we are usually careful to promptly put them away but somehow we got distracted) when a friend happened to pop in unexpectedly. She noticed the paddle and asked (somewhat) jokingly who got spanked. Susan casually responded that I was always getting into trouble, to which I replied that "boys will be boys". I seem to recall that she just sort of smiled and moved on - it was never mentioned again - but I have sometimes wondered what she thought afterwards - but probably it was just that we were having a little kinky sex.

    Part 1. -- al

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  18. • Made an open if cryptic reference to delivering or getting a spanking within earshot of friends or relatives, such as the time my wife made a “quip” at a Christmas brunch telling me to do something or she might have to spank me?

    My wife has done so many times - but in such a way that it is easily taken for a joke. She does it more so around family - especially her Mom (now passed) and sister, and it did lead her sister to suspect that we were into spanking (she later overheard a spanking which led to much more which I have covered before - but will touch on again in another answer). But she has also done so around close friends as well. A few years ago we had a neighbor couple that she thought might really interested in a DWC marriage so she made some fairly overt references which resulted in a couple of questions but ultimately did not lead anywhere - other than perhaps them having the idea that we were into kinky spanking play - which is no big deal in this "Shades of Gray" era.

    • Engaged in or been subjected to some very overt display of authority in front of others?

    Not really - other than being threatened a spanking - as mentioned above.

    • Openly told a friend or family member that you get spanked by your wife or that you spank your husband?

    As I have shared before, my wife's sister has suspected that we were into spanking play due to Susan's spanking references and that fact that there always seem to be brushes lying around. But, one afternoon she came to our home unannounced (she lives close and has a key) and let herself in - only to hear the sound of a paddling in the bedroom. The bedroom door was open as we thought we home alone so she got an earful as she came in near the start of the spanking. It was very obvious to her that it was a real disciplinary spanking (the high number of loud whacks, scolding, my very vocal reactions). She quietly left after the spanking had ended, and we never knew that she had been there.

    A few days afterwards, she fixed a pitcher of margaritas and sat down with my wife to confess (after the second drink for each of them) that she had overheard that spanking. This led to Susan explaining our entire DWC marriage to her. Soon afterwards, her sister was invited to witness a spanking that I had earned while the three of us were out together. I had been quite rude to a sales lady, embarrassing Susan and her sister. So as soon as we got back home, Susan soundly applied the paddle as her sister watched - somewhat in awe, I believe. She has witnessed many more since and even spanked me herself a few times since then. She is also a disciplinary wife at heart - and, while single, hopes to ultimately find a DWC style husband. So there is some possibility that one day both sisters could be spanking their men in the same room, and possibly even "swapping out" - probably not likely, but certainly not out of the question.

    Part 2. --al

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  19. • Exchanged emails or talked by telephone with someone about your DD or FLR relationship?

    Yes, with Aunt Kay (email and phone) in the days in which the DWC as active. Other than her, however, only anonymous email.

    • Talked face-to-face with another person who you know is into DD or FLR?
    • Gotten together socially with one or more couples who are into DD?
    • Been spanked by your wife/spanked your husband at such a gathering or with another couple present?

    Nope.

    • Been spanked by someone other than your wife/spanked someone other than your husband during your current relationship and with your partner’s consent?

    Susan's sister - as described above.

    • Been spanked by someone other than your wife/spanked someone other than your husband during your current relationship, with your partner’s consent, at a gathering with someone else present?

    No.

    Part 3. --al

    Sorry I missed last week's lively discussion - but was just to busy with family events to have any time alone at the computer.

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    1. Hi al. Happy 2020! Yes, I can see how leaving a bath brush out by the bed, instead of by the bath or shower, could raise suspicions. Like the old Vermont brushes, I often wonder whether any of the similar brushes from The Body Shop have ever been used to actually wash a back. They seem to be purpose made for spankings.

      I see a certain appeal in having a paddle like you describe hanging on a wall. The problem for us is only one of our kids was spanked, and then only by hand and only a small number of times. So, if we were to hang up a paddle now, the kids would almost certainly read a lot into that.

      I'm sure it was very embarrassing at the time, but I find myself almost envying your sister-in-law catching you in the act, since it led to a lot more openness about the whole thing.

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    2. I agree with Dan about the situation w/ your sister in law... that's great. What's so perfect about it, for me, is how it came about. The thrust behind the questions this week are about how we the "spankos" have brought this to light to others. In this situation it was reversed, SHE was the one that clearly wanted it brought out into the open. She was clearly intrigued to the extent that she secretly stayed and listened rather that turning around and running out the door the second she realized what was going on. And then rather than keeping it her secret she's the one that wanted to make your wife aware that she had stayed and wanted to talk about it. We've commented here in the past the concern over "imposing" this on others and is that fair to them when they might be made to feel very uncomfortable. Here it was reversed...she brought up to you that she was aware. Something very cool about that. What an awesome situation. And given the situation when she has a man in her life and she introduces it into their relationship you know more likely than not at some point he might pull you aside to ask you about it.

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  20. I've stayed away, must really bother you, for you respond on other blogs.

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    1. Yeah, you do bother me. And, let's face it, the reason you post on those blogs is because you followed the links on mine to those other blogs, where you post exactly the same stuff you used to post here, despite all those heartwarming representations about how you've turned over a new leaf. Same old crap, year after year after year.

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  21. I see my situation as very practical and very private. I need help reducing my arrogance; paddlings from my wife help do that. I don't need anyone else to know or to discuss it with anyone. We know what works for us.

    I could see a reluctant or insecure disciplinary wife needing advise, but my wife is definitely not that.

    To me it's like if I drank too much so my wife kept a lock on the liquor cabinet and hid the key and doled out my liquor. And it worked. Why would we need or want to share that with other couples?
    Arthur

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  22. You have been on my case for a long time, so let me share this with you and then you I hope would leave me alone. I have a strong desire to be spanked, I can't not and will not explain why. Yes I'm married, my wife understands of this desire, but truly does not understand. I'm lucky, she allows me to visit these sights, she is trying to understand. What she does not know is that yes I do masturbate from what I read on these sights. Yes I have been spanked by my wife, more as foreplay, my desire is for more than foreplay, I truly wish to be given a sound spanking. So I need to visit these sights, make "comments", I just don't feel it is hurting anyone and that it helps me. My wife has stated that she is considering a sound spanking, so I wait. Jack

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    1. Jack, I guarantee you are the only one missing the irony of *you* hoping that *I* will leave *you* alone. And, "if So I need to visit these sights, make "comments", I just don't feel it is hurting anyone and that it helps me" is your pronouncement that you are going to keep posting here regardless of the blog owner's wishes, that speaks volumes about who you are as a person. Instead of relying on your wife trying to understand your needs (an odd statement, since your last post to KD's blog seemed to suggest you are still trying to find someone, but you lie about as easily as our current President, so I'm not going to bother to try to sort it out), why don't you go get some fucking medication from a trained professional?

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    2. I got under your skin and that all I was trying to do with my post. Have a Great Day.

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    3. Wow, Jack being assertive instead of just annoying. Glad I was able to give you a personal growth event.

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    4. See you around

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  23. Great post and questions!

    We have brushes and "decorative" paddles in plain view. My wife has a Vermont brush and a wooden hairbrush hanging beside her dresser at all times.

    DD makes a habit of "joking" about giving me spankings around others.

    We are pretty sure that our kids are aware we are into something. They certainly have zero doubt about who makes the final decisions in our relationship and how much respect I give their mother. Then again, they also are aware of how incredibly happy we both are.

    We have communicated and gathered with many other DWC couples and have made some great friends. I have been spanked both for fun, and for more serious discipline, by several other wives and DD has done the same on other husbands. She has mentored a few less experienced ladies...as well as learning from some more experienced spankers.

    anthony payne

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