tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post6313026954309790450..comments2024-03-28T21:45:05.911-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 68Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-34178758530939192002014-12-08T21:17:34.544-08:002014-12-08T21:17:34.544-08:00Whether for a specific fault, or "just becaus...Whether for a specific fault, or "just because", what matters - to her, and thus indirectly (or rather, "directly" !) to me - is to remind me that she must be obeyed - or else...!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-83462864111719162012014-12-06T06:31:43.310-08:002014-12-06T06:31:43.310-08:00Well my friend, it's obvious that this topic i...Well my friend, it's obvious that this topic is interesting to many people. Thanks for the post!sub hub in phxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17489169642204094414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68819940628236926392014-12-05T16:32:32.367-08:002014-12-05T16:32:32.367-08:00Alan, great thoughts all. I'm going to hold o...Alan, great thoughts all. I'm going to hold off on commenting until tomorrow, because our next topic is focused on the results of our most recent user poll: tears!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79897216412839330712014-12-05T13:08:33.849-08:002014-12-05T13:08:33.849-08:00Hi Dan,
We are all different but I know from your ...Hi Dan,<br />We are all different but I know from your earlier comments she has taken you to where your bottom is numb and you are surrendering physically ( I actually often raise my bum up a couple of inches toward her brush at that point which lets her know where I am) But beyond the physical the psychological is equally important in letting go and both dimensions have to be right. For me getting a serious scolding and being ashamed that I need to be spanked is emotionally powerful especially when she takes the spanking to a point where it seems mentally to me she will never stop and I just give up holding on.Also and this hasn't been discussed much but my wife is comfortable with tears and has encouraged me for a long time to cry as a healthy expression of what I have done and what's happening because of it. She has given me permission to cry and likes it when I do and that makes it easier. Having said all this however if you feel being restrained might help , try it a couple of times.I can tell you this and that is the hopeless feeling ( in my case that the spanking will never stop) does lead to letting go. Being restrained might make you feel that same way<br /><br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-13075331656297452542014-12-05T12:38:18.945-08:002014-12-05T12:38:18.945-08:00Thanks, Alan. I haven't been tied down or res...Thanks, Alan. I haven't been tied down or restrained during a punishment session, but there are times I think that the "self control" involved in remaining in place and taking it for as long as she wants to go is part of the reason that I have a hard time fully surrendering to that point some men get to where they are finally able to let go and shed real tears and fully give into the discipline. I wonder sometimes if knowing that I cannot get up even if I tried would help me really let go.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-40835487500611353182014-12-05T12:17:32.749-08:002014-12-05T12:17:32.749-08:00Chastity devices may be an easy fix or at least a ...Chastity devices may be an easy fix or at least a quick fix but they don’t build self-discipline nor show a man’s commitment to his wife and her rules. Anyone can stop masturbating as long as one of those things are on but they are easily defeated and more a game than real life. Although apparently some women do use them and approve of them, I believe they are more a male fantasy than submitting to your wife’s will. When my wife and I discussed ways to correct my life long masturbation habit she considered them and even bought one but we used it only twice. We both believe unregulated masturbation harms the relationship and has to be brought under control but the real test of obedience to her will is to use self-control and not masturbate (with permission I can occasionally) and to take your punishment when I slip up. I am not a man who gets “regular beatings” for masturbating but I am severely spanked the couple of times a year I willfully do it without permission just as I am punished for any other blatant disobedience. But what value is obedience if it is coerced and a husband has no choice. Others may disagree about this but I feel the same way about being held down or tied down for a spanking. When we first started to my shame I jumped off her lap several times thinking I could not take anymore. To her everlasting credit she calmly but firmly insisted I get back in place until she was done. I always eventually did probably ending up with twice the punishment but learning that I could stay in place without being restrained and letting her take me to where I needed to go emotionally. I think the cock cages are the same thing. You have to be free to really surrender and you will never learn to control masturbation if you rely on a mechanical device.<br />Alan<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-70452763323958064942014-12-05T09:49:16.828-08:002014-12-05T09:49:16.828-08:00If you see spankings as unnecessary "regular ...If you see spankings as unnecessary "regular beatings," then why exactly are you visiting a blog devoted to domestic discipline, including corporal punishment? I keep getting comments from people who claim to be adverse to adult spankings, yet they are apparently searching for, and are certainly visiting this blog devoted to DD-oriented adult spankings. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37225415256116883032014-12-05T08:42:37.132-08:002014-12-05T08:42:37.132-08:00Dan
I get your point. Tell me something, does yo...Dan<br /><br />I get your point. Tell me something, does your wife read this blog?<br /><br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-63480372259733008752014-12-05T00:40:49.166-08:002014-12-05T00:40:49.166-08:00It seems far better to put a man in a chastity de...It seems far better to put a man in a chastity device to avoid masturbation. Regular beatings are not necessary.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-27092876032806128102014-12-04T22:28:15.036-08:002014-12-04T22:28:15.036-08:00First, when have you ever been less than friendly?...First, when have you ever been less than friendly? <br /><br />Second, I think the problem with ratting yourself out is it is really putting boundaries around yourself, when what I really need--and what I think a lot of disciplinary husbands need--is having those boundaries imposed upon them. If I act up at work and ask my wife to punish me for it, that's probably better than no punishment at all. But, what you have with Peter's co-workers who rat him out is better for him, because he is no longer in control of the conequences for his behavior. If I have to report and ask for punishment, then I am--in efffect--in control of the consequences of my behavior. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-65758653573711351972014-12-04T09:57:54.043-08:002014-12-04T09:57:54.043-08:00Dan
Perhaps you need to be the one who rats yourse...Dan<br />Perhaps you need to be the one who rats yourself out daily to you wife. Peter often now tells me before anyone else tells me when he feels he may have gone over the top.<br />Think about it!<br /><br />a friendly AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-30720970782565026282014-12-03T17:50:56.693-08:002014-12-03T17:50:56.693-08:00I actually agree with you 100%. There just isn...I actually agree with you 100%. There just isn't an obvious candidate for it.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-3080951689701445572014-12-03T08:13:43.345-08:002014-12-03T08:13:43.345-08:00Dan
Perhaps she should ! :)
annaDan<br /><br />Perhaps she should ! :)<br /><br />annaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-36204528452314567652014-12-02T17:19:09.366-08:002014-12-02T17:19:09.366-08:00Hi Anonymous. I agree and thought about including...Hi Anonymous. I agree and thought about including it with this one, but I think it works better as a separate topic.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-90368933191257281132014-12-02T16:20:33.809-08:002014-12-02T16:20:33.809-08:00Perhaps the use of non-spanking discipline might m...Perhaps the use of non-spanking discipline might make a good topic? What/Who/When/How?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-50649473856251061282014-12-02T12:27:45.051-08:002014-12-02T12:27:45.051-08:00I swear, sometimes it's like your husband and ...I swear, sometimes it's like your husband and I seem to be twins, living almost identical lives. Other than my wife doesn't have anyone at work to rat me out.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-76582449041469407282014-12-02T11:06:22.412-08:002014-12-02T11:06:22.412-08:00I must say time management on my husband's par...I must say time management on my husband's part has alwys been an issue as well as his temper. Discipline does create husbands who are reliable and responsible.<br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-34855295421167191032014-12-02T10:45:19.092-08:002014-12-02T10:45:19.092-08:00Dan
About the time we began couples therapy, Pete...Dan<br /> About the time we began couples therapy, Peter's business partner was putting pressure on my husband to curb his temper. It had gotten out of control and has<br />caused their firm to lose an important client. Much of his problem had to do with<br />drink and there is was made clear things had to change. At the intervention it was<br />agreed that his behavior on the home front as well as work had to change. He agreed<br />that I would stay in touch with his business partner. <br />The drinking got under control and about that time we began home discipline. For details check my entry in stories. At this point I speak with both his partner and<br />his personal assistant who in the past had been the one who took the brunt of his<br />temper.<br />As time passes Peter has gotten to the point that he comes to me often when he is<br />on edge and asks for a session. We both see that this works for us. I am aware that<br />it might not work for everyone but it is our solution. <br /><br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-61641012235678440732014-12-02T09:59:48.471-08:002014-12-02T09:59:48.471-08:00I don’t consider getting spanked for the same misb...I don’t consider getting spanked for the same misbehavior any kind of game. My wife and I have established ground rules. Foer example, I have always been bad at time management. I’m usually late for everything. Sometimes it drives her crazy. I have been repeatedly spanked for failing to call when I am going to be late for something but each occurrence is unique. I also am on the receiving end of a bare bottom blistering for losing my temper – but again each incidence has its own specific details. Overall, our dd relationship and OTK spankings has transformed me from the easy go lucky, non-responsible person I was … to the now much more reliable and ‘obedient’ husband my wife had hoped for all along.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-24006827504085776652014-12-01T19:21:05.805-08:002014-12-01T19:21:05.805-08:00Hi Fred. Both those points are close to my own exp...Hi Fred. Both those points are close to my own experience. Temper and more "hard-wired" issues are more resistant to correction, though even those get better. And, like you, I do feel spent and relaxed after a hard spanking, but I think it has more to do with feeling like I have atoned for the misbehavior. We have never used spanking as a stress reduction tool, though I do see how it could work that way for some peopleDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-87055702938958891722014-12-01T19:16:40.826-08:002014-12-01T19:16:40.826-08:00I'm on the fence where the non-spanking discip...I'm on the fence where the non-spanking discipline is concerned. I do think spanking will always be a part of our DD relationship, but part of the reason is because I am really looking for that catharctic experience where I finally just totally surrender, and I don't think it will happen without the physical punishment taking me past my emotional blocks. I really don't know what woud happen if you relied more on non-physical punishments, but we have talked about trying them where some habits or bad behavior may take some extra leverage.<br /><br />Without putting words in Kathy's mounth, I don't think she said that "many" women would abuse their corporal punishment authority, but that it is a concern. As I said in my reply, I agree that there can be a risk of abuse whenever one party dominates over another. It's why communication is key. Even if the dynamic begins consensually, it is critical that parties check in with each other regularly to make sure it is still working, and sitll entirely consensual, for both.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-69910890730115614182014-12-01T18:50:43.068-08:002014-12-01T18:50:43.068-08:00Hi Kathy. I agree with you regarding the potential...Hi Kathy. I agree with you regarding the potential for abuse in any situation where one party dominates another, and you're right that it may be a particular concern where the relationship involves corporal punishment. I've seen examples in other contexts. There was a DD group on Yahoo that I was a part of some time ago, where the wife spanked the husband before they had sex. Every time. She clearly could not engage in any intimacy without it, and he was clearly in pain but was afraid she would leave him if hs stopped capitulating. <br /><br /> But, I do think the potential for abuse extends beyond spanking and into a lot of the D/s and B/D world. There was a discussion recently on the blog that was the subject of my rant about a wife ordering that her husband would never have another orgasm, ever. While not as physically damaging as a spanking, taking chastity to that extreme seems to me to be an abuse of power. <br /><br />I think the key point is that in any relationship that involves an exchange of power, both parties need to be mentally and emotionally balanced. The dominant party needs to be generally responsible, and the submissive party needs to have at least enough backbone to say "enough" if things go in a direction that is mentally and emotionally abusive. For that reason, I think that a lot of the DD relationships that the contributors to this blog are part of are actually LESS susceptible to abuse, because the women do not start out as "naturally" dominant and the men often are naturally dominant but enter into DD because it allows them to give up some of that control and dominance in a search for balance. Because the women often start feeling disempowered, physically punishing their husbands gives them some of that power and makes them more balanced. Similarly, the men may be overly dominant in their daily lives, and accepting spankings from their wives gives them some needed humbling. But, because they ARE naturally Alphas, it is unlikely that they are going to let themselves be truly abused wiithout reassessing the relationship.<br /><br />Coversely, I do worry more about M/f forms of DD and some Femdom relationships where the women are "naturally" dominant and the men are "naturally" submissive, because instead of trying to tempter their dominant tendencies, both parties are playing them up. That's the opposite of striving for balance. But. I also recognize that some of this is my own prejudices talking and, while I do worry that there is more POTENTIAL for abuse in a M/f discipline situation, because culturally men have often dominated women and kept them down, I'm sure that many women actually do feel the need to have boundaries imposed for the same reasons I do and that there is nothing at all abusive about that situation for them.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks for contributing.<br /><br />DanDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68518618832081957572014-12-01T13:36:56.205-08:002014-12-01T13:36:56.205-08:00In my case, our first step at resolving problem is...In my case, our first step at resolving problem issues with my wife was discussing and then listing them. My objective was to understand what I did that irked her and stop that behavior. I was often surprised not realizing I was doing or saying things that troubled her. The minor issues were easy to correct (leaving the toilet seat up, not turning off lights, not interrupting her when she was on the phone, not forgetting to leave messages when her friends called, etc.) Spanking were a reminder I screwed up and it didn't take me long to correct those indiscretions.<br /> The serious areas such as losing my temper, treating my wife like a secretary (I had one who did everything I asked her to do at work), always being the leader (selfishness) were ingrained in my behavior and very difficult to stop. When violations of these kinds occurred, I got paddled good. My wife released anger and my guilt abated, but I knew I had to improve in these areas, especially. Every paddling I got was a reminder this behavior was not acceptable and damaging our relationship. I slowly improved, and our relationship is much much better because my wife knows I'm really trying to improve. However, as hard as I try, I'll still screw up once in a while, usually my temper, and when that happens the paddle does its intended job with my wife swinging it. Things just don't get cured overnight and some behaviors are very difficult to shed, but you can minimize them even if you can't totally eliminate them. Domestic Discipline will work to improve your relationship if both parties want to make it work. <br /> On the other subject, relieving pressures from work or family responsibilities, I do believe a long hard spanking would relieve those pressures, although I have never experienced this. I do know that when I know I did something that really deserved a good paddling, and got that paddling, it relieved me of my guilt and whatever other pressures were confounding my brain, I felt totally spent, and ultimately relaxed. Tension completely gone.<br /><br />Fred<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-10876169698289888682014-12-01T13:20:59.366-08:002014-12-01T13:20:59.366-08:00If I was to hand Shilo a ribbon for his hair, he w...If I was to hand Shilo a ribbon for his hair, he would be thrilled. Feminization is a treat for him.Merry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-14167727137611356392014-12-01T09:07:55.796-08:002014-12-01T09:07:55.796-08:00I understand what Kathy is saying but it leaves so...I understand what Kathy is saying but it leaves something important out. There are apparently men who do not need spanking to function in an FLR, but there are others like me and most of the guys on this board who would not function well under their wife’s control without spanking or the threat of it. Neither side in this divide is “right” nor “wrong” It simply the way some men are wired. But if my wife pulled out a ribbon and told me to put it on in public without the sanction of spankings if I disobeyed I would probably just chuckle at her. It wouldn’t work. Kathy makes another point or perhaps an implication I also strongly disagree with and that is many women come or would come to abuse their authority if authorized to use corporal punishment. On the basis of my own experience and those I have read on this board just the opposite is usually true. I am not saying there are no abusive female disciplinarians (although I have never met one) but I am saying they are far from the norm. This topic probably deserves more attention, especially the divide between men who need physical discipline to behave and accept their wives authority and those men controlled without it<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com