tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post6029600347710475456..comments2024-03-29T08:27:13.700-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 180 - Meetings, Mentoring, Etc.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-41881018167915657332016-11-06T20:41:54.748-08:002016-11-06T20:41:54.748-08:00Three of N's (my late wife) close friends - in...Three of N's (my late wife) close friends - including J. - had watched me being spanked (and it may be that the word spread around) but J. continued the practice - the other two being common friends- but she also added another of her own friends... and, of course, B. (her own sister!). One of those 'common friends' once invited J. to come and watch HER husband being spanked (I wasn't invited, of course!). That's as far as we have gone (or wish to go) in the way of "opening up"...<br /><br />L.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-2157823690996242682016-11-05T11:15:54.346-07:002016-11-05T11:15:54.346-07:00We may have to agree to disagree on this one, on a...We may have to agree to disagree on this one, on a couple of levels. First, I am not sure that acts of discrimination or other real career impact, particularly for the Disciplined Husbands. There are lots of careers where being tough, strong and competitive (trial lawyers, some sales folks, military, etc.) is part of the dynamic, and I'm not at all sure that submitting to a woman's discipline would not be seen as a major negative for men in those professions. Second, Kay observed that part of the attraction to getting together with other DWC couples was the shared kinky secret. If DD and FLR were to become more mainstream, I think some of that kinky secret aspect would inevitably be diminished. Now, whether the trade-off would be worth it, I don't pretend to know.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88403938036982224022016-11-05T09:17:05.855-07:002016-11-05T09:17:05.855-07:00Dan
Trust me that is mild tale next to many things...Dan<br />Trust me that is mild tale next to many things we encounter!<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-3903872707959663702016-11-05T09:10:26.698-07:002016-11-05T09:10:26.698-07:00Yes that's true. But still it's the extrem...Yes that's true. But still it's the extremely rare anecdotes you are finding.<br /><br />So I'll modify "non-existent" to "extremely rare". I just hate to think of so many people missing out on the richness of meeting other like-minded souls. Oh well, I'm done with it :)<br />Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-34983621435587362552016-11-05T08:32:28.192-07:002016-11-05T08:32:28.192-07:00Sorry, not sure when you tried to post this Alan, ...Sorry, not sure when you tried to post this Alan, but it somehow ended up in the spam box. Just found it this morning. <br /><br />I don't know what lessons to draw from the 50 Shades phenomenon. Yes, it make me think there might be a larger kinkier community than I thought, but at bottom it has a disturbingly anti-kink message. The lead character's kinky interests are attributed to abuse as a child, and the heroine's primary role is to "save him" by getting him to to accept his kink as dysfunctional. The movie version, of course, ends with her getting spanked for the first time and running from the room in tears. The kinkier the character in it the more it is suggested the kinkiness is warped and wrong. Also, it is very much an F/m-oriented work, and I have no idea whether a M/f themed book of similar quality (I bite my tongue to prevent choking on my words in juxtaposing "quality" and the 50 Shades books) would succeed. A friend of mine had an interesting theory about the success of that series. She believes the fetish it appeals to is not S&M, but wealth, and that it's really just a kinkier spin on the Cinderella story of regular young woman rescued from her plain Jane life by obscenely rich dude.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-55089451612848700792016-11-04T21:37:03.057-07:002016-11-04T21:37:03.057-07:00Its hard for me to say as I haven't attended g...Its hard for me to say as I haven't attended gatherings of people in either community, but I can see the groups being very different. DD is not a subset of BDSM. The motivations and goals are very different, and I;m sure that would driver very different participation in such gatherings.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-28399886264323278132016-11-04T21:32:34.973-07:002016-11-04T21:32:34.973-07:00I agree fear is the enemy of growth and progress, ...I agree fear is the enemy of growth and progress, but as for whether the risk is non-existent, run a Google search some time on "teacher fired for moral turpitude" and see the sort of innocuous behavior that can get someone fired even in this day and age. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7099649947102800312016-11-04T21:23:57.297-07:002016-11-04T21:23:57.297-07:00Hi Doug. I agree that it could shed light on span...Hi Doug. I agree that it could shed light on spanking, but I'm not as sure about spanking for real DD purposes. If the discussions over the last couple of weeks have illustrated much, it is that DD spankings aren't the same as "funishment" or S&M play. When we have been in hotels, it has actually been hard to find anything that can really serve as an implement for a real DD spanking. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-55324069804867383512016-11-04T21:19:08.629-07:002016-11-04T21:19:08.629-07:00Sent out to buy sex toys?? That is hilarious. It w...Sent out to buy sex toys?? That is hilarious. It would never have occurred to me that even the best hotels came with such perks.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-35090597794714815342016-11-04T09:14:46.198-07:002016-11-04T09:14:46.198-07:00As a bellman at one of NYC's finest hotels, I ...As a bellman at one of NYC's finest hotels, I can tell you I have overheard or been asked to go to a sex toy shop to purchase toys, paddles, etc. One very prominent Washington D.C. politico sent me to purchase a riding crop. The guest in his suite was a woman I knew was a professional who specialized in discipline.<br />Trust me it is more common than most realilze.<br /><br />A fan of your blogAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-70986888162965044302016-11-04T07:31:37.530-07:002016-11-04T07:31:37.530-07:00Related to the current discussion, I wonder what o...Related to the current discussion, I wonder what one would find if one were to poll cleaning ladies in motels and hotels, asking them whether, on the job, they have ever overheard spankings occurring. When my wife and I travel alone, it is not uncommon for my wife to spank me in our motel room. I think it likely that it has been overheard occasionally in the hall, or from the sidewalk, outside our room. My guess is that many of these ladies have overheard stray spanking sounds, maybe are use to it, and might not even give it a second thought. There might even be some clear evidence as to who is spanking whom. Such and investigation should shed some light on the frequency of adult spanking. DougAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-14686125084149564552016-11-04T06:01:15.463-07:002016-11-04T06:01:15.463-07:00Fear is the enemy of growth and progress.
The &qu...Fear is the enemy of growth and progress.<br /><br />The "risks and dangers" of reaching out and meeting other Disciplinary Wives couples is practically non-existent; except in one's imagination. I have never heard of a single example of anyone's career being affected or anything else negative due to a DWC type couple "outing" another couple.<br /><br />Who knows? There may be an isolated example out there I have not heard about. But we take far, far more serious risks every time we drive our cars.<br /><br />Just saying :)Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-91068473129167337992016-11-03T07:07:58.808-07:002016-11-03T07:07:58.808-07:00Just speaking for myself, I have always experience...Just speaking for myself, I have always experienced a different vibe at B&D and S&M events. We checked out several of them during our early years thinking that we might find DWC types among them. That never happened.<br /><br />As I have said before, most seemed like nice people. But in general not very communicative. If I try to put the energy into words, and I mean to do so respectfully, it had an isolated, desperate, quality to it - for most of the people in the venues.<br /><br />I repeat. I am NOT insulting or judging or anything like that. Just sharing my experiences.<br /><br />Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-2137481738959351592016-11-02T21:57:00.395-07:002016-11-02T21:57:00.395-07:00No worries about the soapbox Likely true on the ...No worries about the soapbox Likely true on the stats, and on women being more reluctant to speak up. Which is too bad, because the more they participate the more the men will get the confidence to come out.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-80384326881848672232016-11-02T17:15:43.128-07:002016-11-02T17:15:43.128-07:00Dan
I think the figures you showed is a demo of ho...Dan<br />I think the figures you showed is a demo of how many men are interested but fear either exposing their needs or admitting to themselves they want this. I also think women are <br />more likely to seek out info and never speak up here. It is why I feel its my duty to speak <br />up.I will set off my soapbox now .... <br /><br />annaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-5957601477578958502016-11-02T08:54:06.120-07:002016-11-02T08:54:06.120-07:00Dan
As you point out my comments are mainly specul...Dan<br />As you point out my comments are mainly speculative given the lack of " hard" data on spanking. The various polls done or attempted including the one you cite on your own site are not scientific and suffer from one or more serious biases particularly self selection. Nevertheless there is plentiful and increasing anecdotal evidence ( some of which I noted in my comments) that interest in adult spanking is growing or at least more openly discussed. Scholarly interest ( including at least one dissertation I know of) some serious print articles on spanking , a best selling novel as well as it's sequels, and of course the enormous internet interest reflected in blogs, tumblr's, individual web sites and commercial activity. All of this can't be attributed to a " small-ish group". These data provide more than enough information to allow reasonable speculation ( and to repeat, that is what I am doing) Even given all this I absolutely don't know how much F/M spanking is going on but my personal experiences plus correspondence I have carried on with F/M practitioners tell me there is at least some, quite possibly more across the pond than in the US ( the UK, France, Germany etc after all have been talking and writing about spanking longer that we have.In fact your own blog over the past ( almost) four years has been slowing revealing the contours of that community) Finally my biggest point is that we will never move beyond this vacuum of ambiguity unless we begin to talk to each other, exchange experiences where possible and even dip a toe into the pool ( however large it is) at least once in a while<br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-85898010050785863432016-11-02T07:11:08.259-07:002016-11-02T07:11:08.259-07:00Alan, I don't know what the basis is for the a...Alan, I don't know what the basis is for the assertion that "there are still enough practicing F/M couples that the odds favor having at least one or two " sightings" if you are looking for them ( the overhead spanking in a hotel, a quick view at the gym of a recent spanked bottom, , the confession of a close friend, credible information from a third party or just dumb luck)." Other than pure speculation, what is the basis for the assertion that there is some large enough number of people (a) in F/m relationships; (b) that involve spankings hard enough to leave visible marks or who talk about it loudly in public, such that among the hundreds or thousands of random people I encounter every year, I would notice it if I was really looking and/or was not repressing what is there to be seen. With all due respect, that seems to be a pretty convoluted psychological theory, i.e. that I am so unconsciously threatened by the career ramifications of a subject that I blog about every week, exchange emails with people about, etc. that my mind affirmatively represses sights and sounds verifying the plethora of DD practitioners out there who are either open enough or careless enough to provide me with such sightings. I don't think that stands up very well to scrutiny. <br /><br />Especially in light of what little evidence I do have about how many people there are who who are actively practicing DD and even the least bit "out" about it. This blog has had about 1.2 million visitors since I started it. I left a poll up for an entire year asking those visitors to identify their DD status. It is still posted above. Only 1298 people responded, and of those a pretty large percentage said they are not actually in DD. That is a tiny, tiny number of self-identified DD practitioners. And, I'm not sure you can overcome that by pointing to the number of F/m oriented Tumblrs out there, because most of theme are recycling the same content over and over, and I have no way of knowing how much of their readership is basically the same small-ish group of people jumping from one such Tumblr to the next.<br /><br />As KD knows, I am not a big fan of Occam's razor. But, if the options are (a) a guy who writes a DD blog and should be, if anything, hyper-sensitive to DD sightings represses them unconsciously; or (b) there are not really all that many people who are getting disciplinary spankings and those who are guard it closely enough to prevent most random sightings, I have to go with option (b).Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-40043248450549127382016-11-01T12:14:19.645-07:002016-11-01T12:14:19.645-07:00Hi Dan,
First of all, there is considerable eviden...Hi Dan,<br />First of all, there is considerable evidence that a lot of adult spanking is going on. I am thinking of the endless web sites, Tumblr’s, commercial enterprises selling spanking products and last but not least general surveys indicating up to 20 percent of the population have some interest in spanking. I think there are many sociological reasons interest in spanking has grown but will not go into them now. Having said this the large majority of interest and probably actual spanking is traditional M/F and mainly erotic and not real domestic discipline. So we are part of a large community but those of us who practice or seek F/m domestic discipline are doubtless a minority of that community. But with this the case, there are still enough practicing F/M couples that the odds favor having at least one or two " sightings" if you are looking for them ( the overhead spanking in a hotel, a quick view at the gym of a recent spanked bottom, , the confession of a close friend, credible information from a third party or just dumb luck)This kind of serendipitous occurrence has been my experience and apparently many others ( Anna's incident is an example) Yet you who is obviously an intelligent observant and " motivated" guy has no encounters. Why? One reason could be just chance and chance over time always evens out so maybe a year from now you will be regaling us with stories of unintended "outings". But another reason could be you (unconsciously) guard against it, guard against revealing yourself and consequently missing evidence of others. If you do this it could be you are in a high status occupation where really being outed would carry harsh social and financial penalties. (We are still living in repressed times)I speculate about this because I went through something like it only becoming more open as I got older and entered quasi retirement. The reality is the cost of being outed goes down dramatically as one gets older. I am still not at the place where I am ready to go outside and tell the first person I meet that my wife just spanked me but at the same time I fell very open to let it all come out naturally in a supportive setting. I feel pretty strongly that we should reach out to each other without being crazy or reckless about it. That is the only way wife led domestic discipline will gain the acceptance and respect it deserves as a valid life style choice. <br />Alan <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-12784186196238995202016-11-01T03:06:09.412-07:002016-11-01T03:06:09.412-07:00I think that my wife would say that she has it all...I think that my wife would say that she has it all under control (she does btw!) and doesn't need mentoring. Whether she'd contemplate mentoring another, I really can't say. I've never been able to get her interested in anything on the internet to do with DD, which would be the first step. Several of our friends know that she wears the trousers, but I've yet to hear anyone express an interest to know more.Mattswayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12389902553553233691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-40335928861768179872016-10-31T18:22:14.898-07:002016-10-31T18:22:14.898-07:00Could be, but I have lived and/or worked in both c...Could be, but I have lived and/or worked in both city and suburb and just haven't come across any indication of others doing this. But, maybe my city and suburbs and just extremely boring compared to where folks like you, KD, Merry and others live!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-49034385780993160222016-10-31T17:58:13.824-07:002016-10-31T17:58:13.824-07:00Dan
The above is me i didnt sign it.... dont you ...Dan <br />The above is me i didnt sign it.... dont you think that where you live, city or suburb etc accounts for a lot.In a city there is often more privacy and a more relaxed attitude to things in general.<br /><br /><br />annaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-44704167053065610812016-10-31T14:12:16.256-07:002016-10-31T14:12:16.256-07:00Yes, it is remarkable that there aren't more b...Yes, it is remarkable that there aren't more brother and father--in-law stories, isn't it?Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-2294216713598923852016-10-31T14:10:19.212-07:002016-10-31T14:10:19.212-07:00What if the contact was purely between your wife a...What if the contact was purely between your wife and other woman? That is really the primary scenario my "mentoring" question contemplates -- either one DD wife mentoring another DD wife, or them mutually supporting each other. There very well could be no contact between their husbands.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-22903547928814900242016-10-31T14:08:17.812-07:002016-10-31T14:08:17.812-07:00That is absolutely fascinating! I am totally on t...That is absolutely fascinating! I am totally on the fence about whether encounters like yours indicate there are a lot of couples out there who do this, or if sometimes it's just coincidence. I have personally never seen the slightest indication that any of our acquaintances engage in DD. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-6776590817893120282016-10-31T10:50:52.910-07:002016-10-31T10:50:52.910-07:00Dan
Last year I met a woman at a PTA meeting. She ...Dan<br />Last year I met a woman at a PTA meeting. She and her husband, with their son, who was about the same age as one of our boys, began a friendship. Sadly the boys hated each other but we hit it off. This past summer we were at a pool party and as her husband was getting out of the pool, his swimsuit slipped down enough for me to catch a familiar type bruise on his left buttock. <br />It was one of those moments, she caught me seeing the bruise and in a flustered manner, began a wild tale about how her husband had taken a spill down a flight of cement stairs in the park. She was in a state and without giving it a thought, I said " What a shame, that happens to Peter a lot lately. We looked at each other and we both burst into laughter. Finally she smiled and asked me "Paddle or brush?" <br />At once she begged me not to even mention it to Peter. Her husband was one of those guys that Peter<br />describes as " A MANLY MAN ". Sort of guy that seemed to always have a football in hand.<br />We seldom discussed what we were doing but more time spent on how hard it was to find that balance <br />that women in a FLR has trying to maintain both sides of what is required. Sadly they were transferred<br />a month ago. We tweet and talk but miss her. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com