tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post522964857223014915..comments2024-03-28T11:43:32.966-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 73Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-71126749055063554362019-09-27T09:06:05.494-07:002019-09-27T09:06:05.494-07:00I think other forms of punishment are required cuz...I think other forms of punishment are required cuz spanking stops being a deterrent unless you don't hide your life style. Most of our friend are DD. Still, it was a lesson learned when I tried to make my husband at a party. He grabbed my hand and asked if there was a place he could discipline his wife. Everyone could hear him spanking me. He made me say goodbye to everyone and ordered me to the car. And O will never do that again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-29483095598571859222015-02-04T19:31:44.213-08:002015-02-04T19:31:44.213-08:00It's funny that you mention alternative punish...It's funny that you mention alternative punishments and drunkenness, because drunkenness was the cause of one of my wife's first "alternative" punishments for me.<br /><br />I came back very late and drunk from an evening out with friends/colleagues. This was before cell phones so my wife was worried. I immediately went to bed, feeling really drunk. In the morning I was still feeling nauseous and had a headache and belly-ache... a hang-over!<br /><br />My wife first gave me a glass of water, then told me the toilet and do my business, then I was told to lay in bed and she would fix me.<br />what followed was however less gentle. She ordered me back to the bathroom, where an enema bag was waiting. I had to remove my pants and kneel butt up in the air. I then got smacked a few times on both cheeks, and then the nozzle was inserted and in came the water. Now, it was not my first time she had given me an enema, I think the second or third, but previous occurrences were for constipation or belly-ache.<br /><br />So here I am getting filled with warm water, and then off to expel.<br /><br />Then my wife was waiting for me with a ping-pong paddle, ordered me bent over and paddled me until I was red.<br /><br />The thing is that the enema was part treatment (I did feel better after) part humiliation.<br /><br />I think that the following evening I got another enema and a bed-time, over-the-knee, hand spanking.<br /><br />In our relationship, apart from spanking, there are lots of "little things", such as washing (especially the butt and genitals), rectal temperatures, suppositories, enemas, other anal play, plugs and occasionally buggery, that we do for reminding the partner (we switch) about submission.Pecan nutjobnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-11544833964045172952015-01-24T08:44:43.448-08:002015-01-24T08:44:43.448-08:00Alternative punishments as I mentioned in my answe...Alternative punishments as I mentioned in my answer is something we discuss and agree on mutually. Missing the game last weekend was just such a punishment. Monday when Peter came<br />home from work he yelled at the boys in a way that even he agreed was beyond the pale. I try never to argue or bicker in front of the kids so I was quiet and after dinner and the boys were clearing the table I suggested he spend the evening in our room. No laptop and since we do not have a tv in our room little to do. Once the boys were in bed I came up and had him stand in the corner nose to the wall for an hour. ( That is a punishment Peter has doled out to the boys when they act up or act out. ) I find silence rather than a lecture is the most effective method with Peter. He hates that.<br />When the hour was up I gave him a choice. He could sit with me and discuss the behavior till bedtime or he could orally please me and not touch himself. He did not have release that nite.<br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-72563488701024046062015-01-23T20:06:24.195-08:002015-01-23T20:06:24.195-08:00Anna, I was wondering when you were going to final...Anna, I was wondering when you were going to finally weigh in. As always, Welcome! First thank you for the compliments. Second, perhaps YOU should be spanked for making Peter miss a great game. ;-) Finally, are you going to actually answer the question about alternative punishments? We heard about the one you subject Peter to. Any others?<br /><br />And, while we are at it, thank you for contributing week after week and being one reason that I try to keep this civil place on the internet going ever week. Thanks to both you and Peter.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-9945136325616802992015-01-23T17:37:48.223-08:002015-01-23T17:37:48.223-08:00Dan
I have read all the responses and have waited ...Dan<br />I have read all the responses and have waited to comment at all. First and most important I want to say a big THANK YOU for creating and maintaining a blog that allows for ALL viewpoints. Keeping that in mind I wont comment on any specific entry but I speak for myself when I say Peter and I are continually working at and arranging and rearranging our rules for us. I think we both want to find the path on which both of us feel fulfilled and complete. <br />Again you are the best and thank you for keeping this blog on a civil track. There is room for all points of view as long as the couple is united with the same goals.<br />AnnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-25027805757594383352015-01-23T09:18:52.108-08:002015-01-23T09:18:52.108-08:00Thanks, Al. Much appreciated. And, to be clear, I...Thanks, Al. Much appreciated. And, to be clear, I know that I myself have crossed the line on this on an occasion or two and have deleted my own comments. I have also on at least one occasion gone off on a rant on another blog that had a post that seemed to attack a lot of what DD is about. And, I regretted it afterward because, in the end, it was not my blog, and if I didn't like what the guy was saying, the easy solution was for me to stop reading it. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-31129509100049938802015-01-23T06:15:22.067-08:002015-01-23T06:15:22.067-08:00Dan - your efforts in maintaining the integrity of...Dan - your efforts in maintaining the integrity of your Disciplinary Wife / Disciplined Husband Blog, and posting weekly topics for discussion are sincerely appreciated - and I think it would be safe to say by a great many of us. I especially appreciated your comment about posting berating other's opinion as being inappropriate. It would seem that DD means many things to many people and there is no one official definition to which we all must subscribe - and the various ways we experience F/M DD seems to be a large part of the discussion here. Thanks --al Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-73285268052161860772015-01-21T16:10:13.133-08:002015-01-21T16:10:13.133-08:00WARNING RE: CONTENT. All, as the footer on the Co...WARNING RE: CONTENT. All, as the footer on the Comments page says, this is a Forum -- a place for discussion. While vigorous debates are not only welcome but encouraged, I am also going to encourage everyone to keep it civil. In fact, I'm going to require it. Examples of things that start to cross into uncivil territory are ascribing views or motivations to other commenters that they have not, in fact, expressed or berating others that their views are not, in another commenter's opinion, in line with "real DD." Expressing your contrary views is fine; attacking the other person's character or motivation is not. I have seen too many spanking and DD discussion groups fall apart when one or two people crossed the line from discussion to lecture. None of the posts above have quite crossed that line, but a couple have gotten close. I can, have, and will remove any comments that I feel become abusive of other commenters. Keep in mind that written comments often come across stronger or more aggressive than you may have intended, so make the effort to keep the tone respectful.<br /><br />DanDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47191665337720153922015-01-21T14:18:43.853-08:002015-01-21T14:18:43.853-08:00I just have to respond to the wife's autonomou...I just have to respond to the wife's autonomous input that men want to dictate their punishment by not accepting other punishments. Obviously this wife, who reads on this board, wants full power in her relationship.<br /><br />If your husband will accept that O.K. But, many husbands, including me, entered into consensual DD to target certain faults we know we have that negatively impact our marriages. We agreed with our wives what they were and what price we were willing to pay if we breached them, in most cases getting spanked. At the same time many of us did not agree that you can punish us any way you like for any reason you choose no matter how diabolical they may be. What we did was consent to giving our wives limited authority to spank us for agreed upon violations to solve troublesome issues as they arise - to stop bickering and fighting. Some of us have no intention whatsoever to let our wives run all over us. Some men may allow this, others of us won't accept such carte blanche power in a wife who will cause more resentment and disruption of marital harmony. I believe in balancing the power in a marriage and giving the wife the opportunity to correct her mate based upon agreed upon terms and conditions. Many of us will agree to fair DD, but in no way shape or form will give way to a FLR relationship where she can call all the shots. In my judgments that has no semblance of fairness to it whatsoever -- unless the husband wants it that way. This husband wants peace,, wants to do his best to please his wife, but is not going to relinquish full power to his wife NOR do I think any wife should relinquish full power to her husband. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-85288159019549214602015-01-21T14:02:19.514-08:002015-01-21T14:02:19.514-08:00Hi Alan. Understood. I sometimes have a similar ...Hi Alan. Understood. I sometimes have a similar reaction to some of the FLR blogs.<br /><br />Al, on a similar point about "purists," I don try to stay away from criticizing other people's approaches, but this idea that in a relationship one person calls all the shots seems to me to have to be limited by the principle that the relationship will not work at all unless both parties are basically aligned on what the approach will be. If only one party is having their needs met, then it really isn't a healthy relationship. It's why I do get annoyed whenever a disciplined maie or one in an FLR relationship conveys their needs on some blog and are met with a chorus of "No topping from below!" comments. I just can't accept a consensual relationship exists where one person is not allowed to express their own needs and preferences. Anyhow, I wil get off my soapbox now. And, I also know that there is some variety of Femdom where the man has decided, voluntarily, to give up all decision making, period. And, if that works for them, great.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-71603190355370962762015-01-21T13:52:52.788-08:002015-01-21T13:52:52.788-08:00I Rhiannon. Thank you for the kind words, and I&#...I Rhiannon. Thank you for the kind words, and I'm glad you decided to join in the conversation. I hope you decide to keep contributing.<br /><br />A "punishment fits the crime" policy sounds very reasonabela and a good thing to work on. Please keep us posted on how it is working for you and your partner.<br /><br />DanDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-87556883750165883552015-01-21T09:29:37.721-08:002015-01-21T09:29:37.721-08:00Hi Dan (and others),
I have been reading your bl...Hi Dan (and others), <br /><br />I have been reading your blog for awhile and just wanted to join the conversation. I enjoy the community aspect of your blog and reading the different perspectives. We are in an FLR with DD components. It is fascinating to hear about other couples and how they manage this/these lifestyles. I just wanted to say thank you for creating this forum where people can communicate about all of these important issues. Particularly as ours is newer, it is nice to be able to learn/read about other couples and figure out the pitfalls. <br /><br />One of the things I find most interesting about this particular post is that men have such different needs with respect to punishment. It really is about figuring out what your partner needs the most and what will impact him in particular. There really is no one size fits all. <br /><br />For me, I am working more towards a punishment fits the crime kind of policy. So while a hard discipline spanking (very different from what we do otherwise) would be appropriate for some things, corner time or mouth washing or whatever may work better in others. I do appreciate the perspective of some of the commenters though with respect to the swiftness and efficiency of the spanking v. drawn out other punishments that could breed resentment. <br /><br />Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and thank you for the blog. Rhiannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06889312964896453708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-32697953149944427062015-01-21T06:19:15.284-08:002015-01-21T06:19:15.284-08:00I agree with both of you and if I am guilty of ove...I agree with both of you and if I am guilty of overgeneralizing I mean not to do that. I am saying if spanking works for you , stick with it and don't make it more complicated because simple is nice in this already complicated world.Spanking does work for many possibly because we are not masochists in the sense that the pain of a spanking is itself not an aphrodisiac. When I talk about spanking by the way I am not just thinking of the physical act of chastising the male bottom. All the other many rituals that go along with it including scolding, having your pants taken down and acknowledging bad behavior are part of what makes it effective. I also am( trying to ) say that try other things if spanking isn't the answer. It is a bias I have developed from reading some of the more FLR blog and I admit to the bias that some wives eschew spanking, shy away from it or never try it instead using alternative punishments and I believe many couples miss the experience that f/m spanking produces.<br /><br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-13744785015247000672015-01-21T00:00:14.758-08:002015-01-21T00:00:14.758-08:00It STARTED with, being naked, laying on my back .....It STARTED with, being naked, laying on my back ...in the tub... and she turned on the shower, full cold water...<br />Then a special shower of a different kind all over my face....<br />Then the cup of tobacco tea....Merryslavehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11209310275450354399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-11299119700974070372015-01-20T21:50:38.350-08:002015-01-20T21:50:38.350-08:00Dan - I think you hit the nail on the head with th...Dan - I think you hit the nail on the head with that last paragraph - no one right,best way that is the same for all couples. Although the F/M DD purist might justifiably take the view that the wife has the ultimate say in the punishment, it could also be that any particular couple has drawn up a (verbal or written) disciplinary contract <br />that specifies the discipline to be used or sets boundaries. Couples do it differently. I have seen folks post across the spectrum - from hardcore extreme Femdom to relationships where the man is the old school head of household in all areas except for dd - where the wife has that power to keep him in line. <br /><br />Just a couple of more cents worth in this interesting discussion.<br /><br />--alAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-91094671888912754852015-01-20T19:39:04.641-08:002015-01-20T19:39:04.641-08:00Well, let's be careful about over-generalizing...Well, let's be careful about over-generalizing. Spanking works for some people. It may not work for everyone or may not work as well as other punishments. And, I don't really see the basis for saying it is mostly superior in terms of the relationship. Maybe yes, maybe no. A lot of men keep postulating that in the comments, but what is the real basis for the assertion as a general principle? For a couple like Merry and Shilo, for example, where the man is a masochist at heart or even has those tendencies, spanking may be an ineffective punishment at best.<br /><br />And, if a couple has used spanking to address the same behavior over and over and it keeps happening, then it may be time to try something else. In those circumstances, does the man have any real cause to get pissy at pissy at the "drawn out" nature of the punishment? Maybe he should have actually adjusted his behavior in response to the spankings. because he is now just getting what he's asked for by not doing so. I say that as someone who has, in fact, been spanked for one behavior over and over again. Now, maybe it could be addressed through more frequent discipline. Or, maybe grounding me for a week and making me miss some activity I really like would get the message through my thick head more than the paddle across my thick butt seems to be doing. Who knows. I do not claim to, which is why I raised this topic.<br /><br />Something I love about this blog is that it is a learning experience for me, and one lesson it keeps providing is that there is no one "right" way to do DD, or any general rule that applies to every couple.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-23041580344906600712015-01-20T19:09:53.562-08:002015-01-20T19:09:53.562-08:00Dan..
Elegantly expressed and I think " wife...Dan..<br />Elegantly expressed and I think " wife that reads..." is right that disciplinary wives do have the ultimate decision about what form of discipline to use. but what many of us ( males) are saying is don't make it more complicated that it has to be.Spanking works and if you feel the need to go beyond it, do so. But consistent spanking does work and mostly is superior to other discipline in terms of the relationship. Some women prefer not to spank and that is fine but don't portray it as a better or alternative way to get the job done. It isn't and maybe its time for some disciplinary wives with real experience to weigh in on this topic<br /><br />AlanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7906813646234397972015-01-20T18:37:35.742-08:002015-01-20T18:37:35.742-08:00If she spanked me for that, my bottom would be per...If she spanked me for that, my bottom would be perpetually blistered.<br /><br />DanDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-9308729625233956942015-01-20T18:34:42.939-08:002015-01-20T18:34:42.939-08:00Hi A Wife Who Reads. . . . I admit that I am mor...Hi A Wife Who Reads. . . . I admit that I am more than a little surprised at the extent to which a topic that was supposed to be about USING alternative punishments has been much, much more about "Here are all the reasons why I would rather NOT be subjected to alternative punishment, so please keep spanking me." :-) <br /><br />Every once in a while, the comments on a topic surprise me, and this is one of them.<br />It's very hard for me to say whether there is an element of not wanting to share power involved. It's certaily possible at least for some couples. It may also relfect that even where men want to be subject to female discipline, there is something about spanking that drives that need independently of the need for discipline in general. It also may be a male thing of "taking your licks" (literally) and then getting back to whatever you were doing. At bottom, I think that it reflects that our motivations for getting into DD are complex and vary enormously from individual to individual. <br /><br />Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19802934681387446272015-01-20T17:19:11.846-08:002015-01-20T17:19:11.846-08:00Dan
Just an observation from a woman's point o...Dan<br />Just an observation from a woman's point of view. It seems the majority of men would much prefer the spanking to any other form of punishment. It seems to me just another way of getting out of sharing power and/or authority.<br />A wife who reads your blog oftenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-30791866829257137462015-01-19T21:34:29.280-08:002015-01-19T21:34:29.280-08:00Also, I'm very proud of ShiloAlso, I'm very proud of ShiloMerry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-57415821352163854832015-01-19T21:30:28.519-08:002015-01-19T21:30:28.519-08:00Let's just say it consisted of him drinking to...Let's just say it consisted of him drinking tobacco tea and then me giving him a special shower all over his face, and (what seemed like) a one hour lecture. I sat and thought it all through before the punishment, but I wasn't angry. I NEVER punish him when I'm angry.Merry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47318196932164017682015-01-19T18:16:00.191-08:002015-01-19T18:16:00.191-08:00So it might be that dd spanking might work better ...So it might be that dd spanking might work better for some and not as well for others when used for the purpose of solving long term issues - sort of self evident I suppose. Other couples that use the DWC model might not strive for that at all - but use it to address issues as they arise - especially as an alternative to a verbal and emotional fight that might last for hours and cause hurt feelings for days. The latter is more true in our case. My main long term issue - coming across as a smart ass "know it all" (even thought I don't really mean to or try to - I swear!) - is more of a personality issue - and those are not easily altered. But whereas I used to really hurt her feelings when I would go on a smart ass know-it-all rant, now I get my bare ass blistered instead - and I am quickly made to realize that I should be more humble - order is restored, and all is well with the world. :-) -- alAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88231316012168964852015-01-19T16:41:09.062-08:002015-01-19T16:41:09.062-08:00Alan, I am the one that said spanking won't so...Alan, I am the one that said spanking won't solve every problem. But, neither will any other punishment. However, I agree with you that spanking has worked to solve 90% + of issues I have, and the other 10% have become few and far between because I try to avoid spankings. I also agree with you that other punishments cause more resentment than positive reinforcement. On that 10%, my wife only has to say "you better watch yourself," I get the message loud and clear and back off immediately. I don't always get warnings, and for recurrent violations, the paddling's, strappings, etc. get more serious corporal treatment from my wife. When my backside is thoroughly toasted I have no urge to repeat the performance that got me in that position. So, I agree with you 100%.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-89783360390258916462015-01-19T16:29:41.060-08:002015-01-19T16:29:41.060-08:00Dan - you are indeed correct that the Aunt Kay and...Dan - you are indeed correct that the Aunt Kay and the DWC did allow for funishment as well - this is actually a question and answer from a page her DWC site - <br /><br />"Is it best to reserve all spanking for disciplinary purposes in a DWC home?" <br /><br />Answer: <br /><br />Oh, I hope not! While our theme is indeed proper discipline by wives, we are all about having fun and good times. Even the creation of a DWC home should be desirable for both parties. In reality, most of us love to do role plays, creative scenarios, or just have a spanking session for no reason other than "general principles", such as "you must have gotten away with more than I'll ever know, so into the bedroom with you". <br />On occasion we will attend a party where there is more likely to just be a lot of spanking going on with only very occasional role playing."<br /><br />I can also say that I knew by email two couples who had attended one of the gatherings that she had many years ago - and there was indeed quite a bit of fun to it. But - she obviously does promote real live dd as well of course.<br /><br />Also - when I was a member years ago of a private email group she had for couples that she knew in person or by phone, she was very strict about discussion topics. It had to be about spanking or corner time - *nothing else* - nothing about sexual activities or sexual discipline, chastity devices, etc..... She would give a warning or two and then kick offenders off the list. In fact the group ended when one of those kicked off complained to Yahoo that the group was pornographic in order to get even - and Yahoo deleted the Group. (There was some spanking pics of bare red male bottoms in the files section - but that is all). So yes, she certainly did allow for some fun to go along with the real DD, but she was also quite strict about keeping it DD centered and not S&M (as you noted). --alAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com