tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post4404055979539474848..comments2024-03-28T07:39:57.968-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum -- Vol. 122 -- TearsDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77550037839120117582023-03-20T15:45:58.515-07:002023-03-20T15:45:58.515-07:00Wow!Wow!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-26547221075524149512016-02-10T08:04:15.494-08:002016-02-10T08:04:15.494-08:00I think one of the reasons I did not cry at first,...I think one of the reasons I did not cry at first, in fact a reason we decided to use spanking, was that Anne would not even say she was pissed with me. I believe that a benefit of our spankings is that she will now express this, even when she decides I don't deserve a spanking. But getting to that point means that when I get a spanking, I am emotionally connected and that both the pain and emotional regret make my hands shake while I pull down my pants. Another plus of this is that we communicate much better about things that are not spanking issues.DWC Frednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-70912120091363344882016-02-05T16:30:07.850-08:002016-02-05T16:30:07.850-08:00Dan - Don't feel too bad, I think for many wom...Dan - Don't feel too bad, I think for many women as well as men getting to tears from a punishment is a process of allowing oneself to be vulnerable. I've heard from multiple women that they don't cry from a punishment or that it's a rare occurance. It takes time to figure out what will get you there and not everyone does or needs to. <br /><br />I had this problem in the beginning, I'm an emotional person but I didn't feel much of anything emotionally during my spankings for the first month or so. I was just doing my best to deal with the pain and get through it. I was actually afraid of crying because I always ended up in a really dark place. But we felt my punishments weren't really sinking in with only a physical component. Dave's lectures had been pretty controlled up to this point, but one day he got really frustrated that spankings weren't really working. His frustration was more about the situation than my behavior but it really got through to me. And that's how we found our magic disciplinary formula. <br /><br />Everyone's formula is different. I think if it is something you really want, and are striving with your HoH to figure out how to get there, you'll find a solution. I wish you the best of luck allowing your internal walls to come down. QuietLizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12364425377163959292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-24889036606475483472016-01-31T04:56:53.969-08:002016-01-31T04:56:53.969-08:00i do think the idea of trying to think of somethin...i do think the idea of trying to think of something that will make you cry could help push you over the edge. hmmm :) saraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78581040796593195062016-01-30T14:10:10.374-08:002016-01-30T14:10:10.374-08:00For me personally, yes, there are other contexts i...For me personally, yes, there are other contexts in which I will cry. Certain movies can do it. Some songs never fail to. So, perhaps there is hope for me yet.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77301089949824170462016-01-30T10:01:24.433-08:002016-01-30T10:01:24.433-08:00As a spanked husband who always cries, I can say f...As a spanked husband who always cries, I can say for me the crying is 100% emotional and not a result of the pain. I can't explain why I cry and therefore why those who can't don't. I only know there is something in the way my wife speaks to me, the ritual of having my pants pulled down, the waiting, the fetching of the implement, the deep feelings that well up in me as I contemplate why I am being spanked. It taps into deep memories and triggers emotions long ingrained. My eyes begin to water up long before the spanking has started. The blows to my unprotected and vulnerable backside merely reinforce the emotions that are already there and cause the release. <br /><br />I know everyone is different, but I am inclined to believe if you are not already emotionally vulnerable to crying then there is no severity of spanking that will bring you to tears. It is not pain, but emotion that drives crying. <br /><br />Ask yourself, is there anything else that makes you cry? Any movies cause your eyes to water? Anything thought that makes you tremble? If the answer is no, I suspect you wife could beat your bottom till it fell off and you wouldn't shed a tear. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-75445265688710366922016-01-30T08:31:17.218-08:002016-01-30T08:31:17.218-08:00Dan
Two excellent responses Dan!
annaDan<br /><br />Two excellent responses Dan!<br /><br />annaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-75337175627557359002016-01-30T05:04:42.552-08:002016-01-30T05:04:42.552-08:00Tears -
When Anne first agreed to spank me there w...Tears -<br />When Anne first agreed to spank me there were a couple of differences from our current situation. First, she didn't spank as hard or as long. She was getting used to it and was afraid of really hurting me. Second, she was more likely to announce how many spanks I would get, permitting me to 'tough it out.' In addition, she wouldn't express any emotion over what I had done and its impact on her. Things are different now.<br /><br />First, because of our son, most of the time spankings happen the day after or maybe a couple of days. The upshot of that is that I have anticipation. Knowing that we will have the privacy for me to be spanked, I must wear white briefs that day. It emotionally connects me to feelings of when I was 10 (what I and more than 90% of my friends wore at the time.) All day when I go to the bathroom I get the reminder that I am being spanked that evening, and I think about why.<br /><br />More anticipation occurs throughout the day. When I reach my car at the end of the day<br />I call my wife and tell her I'm on my way home. She will explicitly tell me that she plans to blister my bare bottom when I get home. I get to think about it the whole drive home. I have the same feeling in my gut and tingling in my bottom as I did as a kid.<br /><br />Then there is the event. Sometimes I am sent to stand in the corner; sometimes I am told to pull down my pants and get in position and call her when I am ready. More times I am told to follow her. <br /><br />When we get to the bedroom she will now make me look her in the eye while she tells me what I've done AND how it made her feel or how it hurt her. Then I'm told to pull down my pants and underwear. This again makes me feel again like a 10 year old. I'm not embarrassed or aroused. My hands shake because I know that after my shorts are down my bottom will hurt.<br /><br />Anne has really learned to spank. She know that even if the skin breaks I will not die. If I have had multiples in the day or week, she knows it takes more self control to stay or move back into position. She waits and continues. And she is now willing to take advantage of bruises or blisters already there and will concentrate on lighting them on fire again. Sometimes now she will get me crying and then determine how many spanks I will get.<br /><br />I don't always cry, but most of the time yes. It is almost always a combination of the emotion of how I let her down or hurt her and her willingness to spank hard.DWC Frednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-9311286598786775842016-01-29T15:25:59.389-08:002016-01-29T15:25:59.389-08:00Hi tdk. Good to hear from you. Thanks for the kind...Hi tdk. Good to hear from you. Thanks for the kind words. It is very interesting for me to think about the fact that F/m discipline was going on 40 years ago, before there were these labels for it. Hope you will keep reading and keep speaking up on this Forum. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-77716963951856049172016-01-29T14:48:14.200-08:002016-01-29T14:48:14.200-08:00Hello Dan!
I don't think tears are a pain thi...Hello Dan!<br /><br />I don't think tears are a pain thing. It's more of an emotional release thing, and therefore, some people don't or can't cry. "Letting go" and exposing one's self emotionally isn't an easy task to begin with, but most males, especially in the US are trained from childhood that "men don't cry" and it is a sign of weakness. I've never managed to spank Shilo to tears, no matter how severe the spanking(s), but I've seen him cry for other reasons. I hope everyone is doing wellMerry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-69414321937183129262016-01-29T13:52:07.525-08:002016-01-29T13:52:07.525-08:00That first experience was unsolicited (and memorab...That first experience was unsolicited (and memorable). When I shared it with N. after we had been dating for a while, she giggled but took it as a hint (which I guess it was) and - well, you know!... J., for her part, acquired her disciplinary instincts from listening to (and watching) N. - who probably also told her about my "first experience" in the UK...<br /><br />L. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-88921357839789174542016-01-29T08:33:37.653-08:002016-01-29T08:33:37.653-08:00I have not written in about 2 years because all my...I have not written in about 2 years because all my experience in FLR happen about 40 years ago before anyone heard of FLR or DD. I do not think the terms were invented then.<br /><br />Answering the question of the week, I cried during all of my spanking, it was a real cleansing experience for me. I should add that I am an emotional person and cry easily, more so the older I get.<br /><br />I read you every week, great job, keep up the good work.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7234907229701599922016-01-27T18:48:24.582-08:002016-01-27T18:48:24.582-08:00Hi L. You seem to have had a wonderful track recor...Hi L. You seem to have had a wonderful track record of attracting women who are attracted to this lifestyle. Congratulations.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78038889625848879352016-01-27T18:47:12.768-08:002016-01-27T18:47:12.768-08:00Thanks, Easy. I would imagine that most men in th...Thanks, Easy. I would imagine that most men in these relationships have that same feeling of really needing to be punished and needing to pay that penance. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-16840265385983851882016-01-27T18:43:02.291-08:002016-01-27T18:43:02.291-08:00Hi again. I think it is clearly right that there a...Hi again. I think it is clearly right that there are at least two routes to tears, maybe more.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-13528460371776197492016-01-27T18:40:30.493-08:002016-01-27T18:40:30.493-08:00Hi Peter. No offense taken. I hope you're bot...Hi Peter. No offense taken. I hope you're both well, and hope (sort of), that you're right that it will happen at some point.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-72685800444425060752016-01-26T14:05:36.822-08:002016-01-26T14:05:36.822-08:00Strangely (but perhaps not surprisingly), the firs...Strangely (but perhaps not surprisingly), the first time - and, actually, the only time - I ended up crying hot tears and sobbing uncontrollably was when I got my first taste of what a 'real' spanking was (I had never been spanked at home). I was 18 at the time, and had met this 'older' woman (at 36 - twice my age!) when hitchhiking in the UK. She promptly introduced me to the hairbrush and to a particularly nasty leather strap, and soon reduced me to tearful begging for mercy!<br /><br />When (four years later) I met the woman I would later marry, I discovered (with mixed feelings) that she, too, had a "disciplinarian" turn of mind - which I soon experienced! - but, even though she could wield the strap or the crop with gusto, I was able to (somewhat) control my tears.<br /><br />The same is true for the (frequent) paddlings or whippings I get from the woman I married after the untimely death of my first wife. She knew (and sometimes watched) how I was disciplined, and so was ready to deal with any misbehavior on my part, just as firmly as what I had been getting from N. - but, whether or not, I have grown used to it (or whether my backside has gotten tougher over the years) I hardly ever cry as much as I did that first time!<br /><br />L.<br />whether or <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-72498490431320361552016-01-26T10:22:28.511-08:002016-01-26T10:22:28.511-08:00I have cried during and after some spankings, but ...I have cried during and after some spankings, but not for the majority. Personally, I think it is at least 90% emotional and not that much about pain threshold or even severity for that matter. True crying is about remorse for me, and releasing the guilt over the fact that I needed to be punished. When I have really disappointed her and I can see that in her I am most likely to cry. I wouldn't be in a a DD relationship if I didn't feel deep down that I need the punishment, and I wish I cried each and every time I was spanked, but I am not always ready for that emotionally. --EasyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7336674685332127592016-01-26T09:01:19.403-08:002016-01-26T09:01:19.403-08:00Dan
My Anna can be brusk at times. I understand wh...Dan<br />My Anna can be brusk at times. I understand where you are coming from. When you are ready it will happen. I know that from experience. I won't preach, I know from reading your words it will happen. <br />PeterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-10681398611269815882016-01-26T05:52:44.449-08:002016-01-26T05:52:44.449-08:00That makes perfect sense.That makes perfect sense.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-52281277340802812752016-01-26T05:52:16.749-08:002016-01-26T05:52:16.749-08:00Hi sara. I think that's right -- the pain is ...Hi sara. I think that's right -- the pain is a necessary but, for some of us, not sufficient catalyst for tears. I'm sure innate tearfulness also plays a part. Some people just cry easier than others. Like you, I want it though also cringe.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-3470581942542636922016-01-26T03:52:15.329-08:002016-01-26T03:52:15.329-08:00Hi Dan
I think the reason I haven't cried sin...Hi Dan<br /><br />I think the reason I haven't cried since is because my wife spanks me regularly (once a week minimum and sometimes daily) for both maintainance and discipline, so there has never been a prolonged build up of stress and tension and the associated behaviour as on that occasion. Matters are dealt with promptly and the air cleared.<br /><br />She has also evolved in her strictness and spanking severity over the years and keeps me in chastity for periods which she may extend as she feels appropriate, typically between a week to a month.So I am kept well in hand and we have a pretty calm home and family life- so I guess I don't have anything to cry about! If that makes sense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-82702863753266086742016-01-26T02:47:31.282-08:002016-01-26T02:47:31.282-08:00These are some great posts. As one who hasn't ...These are some great posts. As one who hasn't cried, i guess i'm taking away that it is "after care" closeness that i want, to feel closer to my Wife if i cried. Cathartic moment. <br />Seems the painful paddling/caning by itself isn't enough for many of us, but when combined with signs that your Wife is *truly angry* or when She points out how our shortcomings have also hurt our kids/families, it can become overwhelming and make the tears start to flow. Combining a painful spanking and, in our vulnerable state, a fear of what else might be in an angry Wife's mind can be trigger. I still hope to get there, but cringe at the thought, too. Thanks, sara Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-26170766952793860892016-01-25T18:50:38.014-08:002016-01-25T18:50:38.014-08:00Thanks for the compliment. I had to put one of my...Thanks for the compliment. I had to put one of my dogs down a couple of years ago. I didn't just shed a few tears. I bawled like a baby. I can still tear up when I think about him.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-18549262988458021402016-01-25T18:48:20.042-08:002016-01-25T18:48:20.042-08:00Hi Anna. Now, I didn't say that I *wanted* to ...Hi Anna. Now, I didn't say that I *wanted* to take it like a man. But, when confronted with sudden pain, that is where I go and once there, is is harder to get out of that most women would think. Regardless of how much has changed in the socially acceptable gender roles over the last few years, men still are conditioned not to cry and women can still do it pretty much any time without there being any long-lasting social stigma attached to it. I agree with you that exposing takes balls, but it takes more than that. It takes finding a way to overcome a few decades of internal and external conditioning.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com