tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post1974851297228625382..comments2024-03-29T03:08:12.803-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 133 - Persuasion and ProgressDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64639018872580812892016-04-27T14:17:12.811-07:002016-04-27T14:17:12.811-07:00Hi. Wow, lots of action here! And I've been la...Hi. Wow, lots of action here! And I've been late from travel and such. Long thread, so I'll try to just focus on concrete tips<br />- kd's point about asking your Wife what things Ahe would like changed is very good<br /> - on breaking the ice,for guys I'd say work on admitting to yourself that being humbled or embarrassed plays a role in this...so asking your Wife is hard, but part of the all this (may not apply to everyone, but I think many of us)<br /> - Darren's comment about starting playfully I think is a great starting point. <br />- after your soanking, try to immediately do something (a chore, whatever) that demonstrate concretely to your Wife you are thankful and appreciative. <br />Just trying to bring together a couple ideas that could help folks starting out.<br />bob<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-84021748391687033012016-04-23T07:56:46.379-07:002016-04-23T07:56:46.379-07:00Good statement on the fact that trade-offs are oft...Good statement on the fact that trade-offs are often part of this.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-59722299415934866322016-04-22T13:45:46.222-07:002016-04-22T13:45:46.222-07:00I concur that OTK is very awkward. I would add, h...I concur that OTK is very awkward. I would add, however, my wife's wooden hairbrush (the big paddlebrush from Target)is very effective. Now, it took a few years, but once she "found her swing" and stopped giving warm-ups, I promise you that her brush began delivering a powerful sting and really makes her a persuasive communicator, especially since our routine is for me to be bent over the footboard of our sleigh bed with my head down on the mattress. In addition, a wife's wooden hairbrush is symbolic of strong, maternal discipline in a way that no other implement can quite match.<br /> Insofar as a lifechanging transition into f/m spanking, the following have been helpful: 1. Unfailing and immediate compliance from me whenever my wife tells me I'm getting a spanking. 2. My wife seeing over the years that spanking is truly a need for me. 3. My wife seeing that spanking is now a need for her, too, in that she loves how attentive and domesticated spanking makes me, and, finally, 4. Things began to change when I suggested that I would give up receiving oral sex from her (an act she was really starting to hate) and be grateful to receive regular spanking discipline instead. Through this forfeit, she saw just how serious I was and also what a great deal it is for her, too. Of course, please be careful what you wish for, because my wife has REALLY stuck to he guns concerning our agreement, and it's been in place for five years. Still, the benefits are greater to me than what I gave up, and to have a confident spanking wife is an amazing turn-on, except, of course, when she's actually practicing her craft on my poor bottom. Georgiafellanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-7058639646037840982016-04-22T13:17:30.711-07:002016-04-22T13:17:30.711-07:00There are a couple of different versions of the DW...There are a couple of different versions of the DWC out there. The real one was taken down for a while, and someone else snagged the domain. The real one is at: www.auntkaysdwc.com. Look under the Fiction Stories and Real People tabs on the side for all the stories. <br /><br />Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-30543909233248571182016-04-22T08:27:56.673-07:002016-04-22T08:27:56.673-07:00great comments! Thanks! I'll check out the Spe...great comments! Thanks! I'll check out the Spenser plan. Am i going to the wrong place for DWC.....several people are referencing stories about very real spankings....im not finding them.<br /><br />This is such a great crowd of people! appreciate being made to feel so welcomed! thanks again.Darrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02308416826203465913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-19307642159386183712016-04-21T12:45:43.316-07:002016-04-21T12:45:43.316-07:00Darren, the fact you are already engaged in playfu...Darren, the fact you are already engaged in playful spanking is a good start. I would suggest the next step is a private discussion with your wife on things you do or don't do that you know have room for improvement and may be counter productive to a better relationship going forward. That you don't want to do these things, but you have concluded you need discipline to overcome them to feel better about yourself and to achieve the best possible marriage you and your wife can have together. Mention one or two instances that you did that were hurtful to your wife (I'm assuming you have some). Provide your wife a list of things you would like to improve and be held accountable for. Tell her she is the only person you would ever ask to spank you when you fail to live up to these objectives. Tell the truth about your "needs" and how it will make you a better husband. I would discuss the Spencer spanking plan with her from the standpoint of only you will be the one spanked. It was designed to minimize relationship problems and build strong marriages. (I'm assuming your wife has been reluctant to discipline you with a hard punishment spanking and the Disciplinary Wife club info even scared me the first time I read it - although I realized to break bad habits I would probably need the hard spankings recommended). The Spencer Plan takes a much gentler approach to spanking, to wit, making it hard enough to hurt and teach a lesson, but not cause bruising. It is a fairly positive sell by itself. Be honest and tell your wife this is what I want and need and I really would appreciate your giving it a trial as it will also have many benefits for you, to wit, a more considerate and loving husband. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-73832336781785953372016-04-20T23:18:45.202-07:002016-04-20T23:18:45.202-07:00Dan and Merry,
I concur. This is a very open t...Dan and Merry, <br /><br />I concur. This is a very open topic that is difficult to cover, because each of our experiences/personalities are very different; yet linked together. I tried to answer your question, but kept writing and writing and going off on tangents; such that the whole thing turned into a mess.<br /><br />Maybe break it into sections, e.g. deciding if it is what you need; preparing for the conversation, the conversation, etc... .<br /><br />Joe2Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-3549798706027783652016-04-20T08:37:36.534-07:002016-04-20T08:37:36.534-07:00Open to all the help and advice I can get to help ...Open to all the help and advice I can get to help my wife get past the hesitation of going from playful spanking....to administering discipline when merited or needed!!!!Darrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02308416826203465913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-48426649652665870922016-04-20T07:57:01.891-07:002016-04-20T07:57:01.891-07:00Possibly, or in the Tips & Methods sectionPossibly, or in the Tips & Methods sectionDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-58383053637041448722016-04-19T17:27:36.384-07:002016-04-19T17:27:36.384-07:00Since there's so much here, do you think you&#...Since there's so much here, do you think you'll put just the advice in a separate topic?Merry Contraryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13605968415958113942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-86259544697098790932016-04-19T05:47:39.478-07:002016-04-19T05:47:39.478-07:00We don't do maintenance, but the other thing t...We don't do maintenance, but the other thing that can probably be said in their favor in the context of this topic is helping make discipline and spanking a habit. Something that happens on a very regular basis, such that some of the discretion and pressure are removed.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-54071572825542744342016-04-19T05:45:16.401-07:002016-04-19T05:45:16.401-07:00Thanks, Darren. Great observations, and thanks fo...Thanks, Darren. Great observations, and thanks for weighing in. On the issue of of what's in it for them, I'm sure it varies a lot, but I think my wife will say that DD gave her the ability to make her feelings known in a very concrete way. Instead of dealing with fights or disagreements by pouting or flouncing, she could take things in hand, literally. Also, just as I needed to be brought down a few pegs, she needed and on some level wanted to be more assertive, DD can give a woman a means of developing more assertiveness, exploring that side of her personality. <br /><br />I also think the scenario Al describes above in which the wife tries it and finds she gets off on it a bit is probably more common than some will admit. Whether it is the act of spanking or the act of exercising control, many women who try it do find they enjoy the feelings it gives them. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-38167296092189303652016-04-18T19:02:29.533-07:002016-04-18T19:02:29.533-07:00Opinions on maintenance spankings - where the husb...Opinions on maintenance spankings - where the husband receives a periodic spanking as general discipline (usually lighter than a punishment spanking - but should still be a real spanking that will leave a red, sore behind) - vary, but one argument in their favor is that they help curtail the need to act out in order to received a spanking desired by the husband - since another spanking is coming soon (most maintenance spankings seem to be weekly in nature). Just a thought. -alAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78582565354082669782016-04-18T18:21:45.742-07:002016-04-18T18:21:45.742-07:00Dan-
Hi all. I've been reading and following...<br />Dan-<br /><br />Hi all. I've been reading and following along here for some time now but have always stayed on the sidelines feeling I didn't have anything worth contributing publicly...because I'm one of those on the very front end of the journey exploring and trying to introduce DD into our long term marraige of 25 years. First and foremost I want to say THANK YOU to Dan! I'm actually one of the people Dan referenced in this topic that he has been kind enough to communicate and share invaluable input w directly.<br /><br />In the spirit of the topic; current practitioners sharing advice w us newbies as to how to advance our cause, I didn’t know if it might help to hear from one of us eagerly looking for advice and guidance. Dan, the DWC site and others sources of information online, have helped me with the first and arguably hardest step…. mustering up the courage to broach the topic! What a gift the data from the DWC survey was. It allowed me to pursue the conversation w my wife from a position that "we're not freaks or deviants for considering this"!!!! Actually we're stereotypical of those considering adding this to our relationship and ultimately practicing it!!!! I've always been accustomed to being the one in charge in my professional, personal and to date in my home and family life. These feelings and the whole concept took a few years for ME to come to terms with having!!!! So I can't imagine how confusing this all must have been for my wife to hear. <br /><br />I thought I might be able to contribute to the dialog by sharing the most valuable tips I as a newbie exploring this have gotten….but then adding some additional “real life” insights from what I’ve experienced. <br />- Communicate…. communicate. HOWEVER, I’d add the obvious, which wasn’t so obvious. Make sure you’re being completely open and honest when you do! I thought I was being direct and forthright at first, then came to realize that I had been embarrassed to really say what I wanted or needed to when we were FACE TO FACE. <br />- Listen! But as in all situations in life, recognize the difference between hearing and LISTENING! While I was saying I wanted to be disciplined/punished, my wife had repeatedly told me she was comfortable w trying this if we kept it “fun and light”. Recently I finally listened and we’ve been having fun w playful spankings….hopefully it’s a first step and who knows where that will take us. <br />- Common/typical roadblocks are both common and typical. She is (still) uncomfortable w the notion of hurting me. GO FIGURE! This wonderful woman who has always loved and supported me…is more inclined to care for me! <br />- She’s also questioned the obvious….isn’t this going to promote me acting badly just to get spanked??!!! For all us husbands who haven’t actually experienced being DISCIPLINED yet, as in spanked in a way that we DON’T want it to happen again any time soon…. We probably DO “act out” trying to promote getting a few whacks. Being new to this, she doesn’t realize that when a wife’s comfortable and practiced at giving a true discipline spanking to an errant husband…..it’s not a “fun” or erotic experience for him. He’ll behave (at least for a while) in a way to AVOID another one any time soon.<br /><br />So what would be most helpful to hear are tips to get us over the hump and taking this to the next level. When she is annoyed w me or on the rare occasion I do something genuinely bad, serious or potentially harmful (like I did a few months ago)….that she start to administer the punishment I deserve. Also…you hear to find what’s in it for her. That’s harder than it sounds. We typically get along great so there aren’t any large obvious changes she is looking for. <br />Darrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02308416826203465913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-17274869828541893162016-04-18T16:58:36.124-07:002016-04-18T16:58:36.124-07:00Thanks, Al. Very helpful advice. And, I apologiz...Thanks, Al. Very helpful advice. And, I apologize if it seemed I was chastising folks for taking things "off topic." My concern was rather that the on-topic comments were not really including the kind of specific advice that some seem to want or need in figuring out how to nudge their partner into taking the reins. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-5665316961989968882016-04-18T15:26:34.094-07:002016-04-18T15:26:34.094-07:00Back to the original weekly topic - as the above p...Back to the original weekly topic - as the above post requested. Our story has been posted in detail in the User Stories section of Dan's blog (User Stories - Vol 1 - towards the bottom). Our story began (to my great surprise - I never would have believed she would actually spank me - even though I had fantasized about it for many years) one evening when over a bottle of wine, we began discussing sexual fantasies (a leap for us at the time - but things had gone stagnant in our 20 year marriage). Spanking came up and Susan, perhaps slightly drunk at the time, went for a ping pong paddle. And what happened was that she realized she enjoyed the touch of power she felt - even though it was a play spanking (but with a few zingers at the end). The next morning, she suggested a spanking when I left the toilet seat up (which I always did then - but no more). Of course, I agreed but this one was a bit harder - not DWC hard but it stung a bit. Susan told me me later that she found herself immensely enjoying herself as she paddled my bare behind. <br /><br />At this point, I realized that I had a real opening for discussing the Disciplinary Wife lifestyle with her. So, after our couple of play spankings, I suggested she read through the DWC site and a couple of other F/M sites of the day. And she did - and followed the advice - and that afternoon I discovered that reality was not the same as fantasy. <br /><br />I was fortunate in that my wife developed an interest immediately after the play spankings - but it was the reading of the DWC material that firmed up the interest even further - along with some good tips on how to give a real spanking. So my advice to the aspiring husband would be twofold. Try to create a situation where spanking discussion or a play spanking scenario might arise (I did not do that intentionally but it worked out that way) - maybe a bet - loser gets a spanking (make sure you lose!). Or when she starts complaining about something minor (not too serious) - bend over and jokingly suggest a couple of swats. etc... Secondly - if things start to head that way, direct her to the DWC site (even though only an archive now) - or Dans's Tips sections on this blog. --alAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-67870529810399152432016-04-18T14:43:35.660-07:002016-04-18T14:43:35.660-07:00Yes, Aunt Kay did do some real live mentoring back...Yes, Aunt Kay did do some real live mentoring back in the day when the DWC was an actual "club" of sorts. There was a private Yahoo group for members only (two actually - Yahoo shut the first one down after a while. Sometime later, another effort was made but Yahoo once again shut it down after a year or so). But to join, you had to email Aunt Kay and give her your phone number so she could call and speak to both of you so she could make sure you were a real live DWC couple. We actually did that during our first year in the lifestyle and were on the Yahoo Group. My wife probably had a half dozen phone conversations with Aunt Kay during those early days - which she found very helpful We were invited to meet she and Jerry sometime for dinner and "counseling" but it never worked out. -alAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-90959504817702126892016-04-18T12:34:40.643-07:002016-04-18T12:34:40.643-07:00Dan,
This mentoring may go on to some degree."...Dan,<br />This mentoring may go on to some degree."Aunt Kay" apparently did some when her site was active, talking to wives via phone and administering some spankings to naughty boys with their wife's permission and knowledge.I have also read some internet accounts of wives mentoring other women and even demonstrating discipline techniques. It may be more common in Europe than the states. I was in correspondence with one fellow years ago from Europe who stated his wife had spanked him several times in front of a wife or a couple interested in DD. No way to know how much of this is real but I suspect some of it is. I did believe him. Spanking or getting spanked in front of a witness might be the tipping point for some. I know that since my wife has spanked me in front of her sister and gotten positive feedback, she is more interested in sharing with others.<br />Alan <br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-35725425859873649072016-04-18T11:34:58.107-07:002016-04-18T11:34:58.107-07:00Hi Al. You are probably right. While I don't c...Hi Al. You are probably right. While I don't claim to be able to explain it, the last poll I ran on ages showed our group tilts very, very strongly to the 50 and above demographic, with the next highest being 40-50. I don't know whether my wife would have been ready for it any earlier. Probably not. I also doubt I would have, though I was always a little less hung up on social conventions, so I think a strong woman might have been able to impose it on me, but I doubt I would have had the trust or confidence to initiate it myself.<br /><br />I wonder if it's also possible that it just takes several years for us to screw up enough that our wives finally take up the paddle out of sheer frustration!<br />Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-42721796358559884342016-04-18T11:34:32.009-07:002016-04-18T11:34:32.009-07:00If there is willingness, but reluctance, the first...If there is willingness, but reluctance, the first step is to determine what the reluctance is based on. Is it conditioning? Fear of hurting a loved one? Ruining a good thing? Being perceived negatively?<br /><br />As for concrete steps for a willing beginner couple, I think a good start is to begin with something small, significant, but not loaded with emotional baggage. Let the man ask his partner what habit, quirk, or shirked responsibility most annoys her...........and then say, "OK, Dear, now just tell me that you are very serious about me doing/not doing whatever and if i screw up you can punish me for it." The emphasis should also be on letting her truly punish as she sees fit. Let her feel the authority and power, and then see the results as the man tries harder and harder to overcome the problem behavior.<br /><br />Positive results, both in changed behavior and expressed appreciation for her discipline is a powerful combination to encourage confidence and increasing authority.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-13170143336249398272016-04-18T11:11:48.456-07:002016-04-18T11:11:48.456-07:00Marisa, I love it when you comment, because it is ...Marisa, I love it when you comment, because it is a rare occasion when your comment fails to suggest a new topic. This one does, and I'll do a topic on this soon: can aggression and taking charge be taught?<br /><br />You are definitely not the first Disciplinary Wife who has raised the issue of mentoring. It's a problem I've wondered whether this blog could have a hand in solving, but I have yet to figure out a good way to do that. There are a few women contributors to the blog who have reached out to me by email, and if people trust me as a middleman I would be happy to try to coordinate putting interested women in contact. I have even considered using the "Private Section" (see tab at top of the page for that), but the problem is, again, sending people an invitation to a private section requires an email, and I have to remain in charge of it to invite people (or kick out those who don't play by the rules), which means I have access to the conversations. So, there is not an ideal solution that I have been able to come up with, but I'm happy to listen to any suggestions any of the wives may have.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-31629073990627360262016-04-18T10:59:49.901-07:002016-04-18T10:59:49.901-07:00Good points all, Dan. I do agree that many women ...Good points all, Dan. I do agree that many women have it within them to become a disciplinary wife - once requested by the husband and providing they are able to overcome the cultural conditioning that may give them pause. And this may relate to age and maturity. I do suspect that one reason so many couples have entered the lifestyle in their forties or even fifties, is that the point is reached where the husband may be sure enough of himself to ask, and that the woman is mature enough and experienced enough to be more willing to give it a try - less concerned with the indoctrination received in younger years. As society changes, we may see more younger couples come in as their is less conditioning to overcome. I suspect in our case - and Susan agreed with me when we discussed it at one point - that Susan would not have been ready much before we actually started - probably not even five years prior. <br /><br />-alAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-1260721607975405112016-04-18T10:29:00.777-07:002016-04-18T10:29:00.777-07:00Hello Dan,
We found our way to DD through a crisis...Hello Dan,<br />We found our way to DD through a crisis in our marriage, the next step would have been marriage counseling if we had not tried discipline. I am aggressive and take charge and that personality trait can't be taught.But thinking back to when we were struggling, a mentor of some sort would have helped a lot. Maybe a mother or girlfriend that had experienced the journey and could give advice and encouragement.Just as good would have been a DD couple in our crowd that shared with us. That didn't happen but it should. We know two couples probably in an FLR and one of them drops spanking references occasionally. Yet even now we haven't broached DD with either of them. So it seems there is a conspiracy of silence among practitioners. Its all understandable given our culture but it means every women beginning discipline has to learn all or most of it by herself.Blogs like yours and the internet more generally probably help but that personal connection can't be there.<br />Marisa Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-55298653974129449202016-04-18T07:51:48.406-07:002016-04-18T07:51:48.406-07:00All, I just wanted to try to gently steer this con...All, I just wanted to try to gently steer this conversation in the direction of the post, which sought real tips and advice on how to help a willing but hesitant or unsure partner become a real disciplinarian or HoH. A lot of the conversation so far has been about natural inclination, and the value of patience. All true, but not really what I was hoping to elicit, which was concrete action items that couples interested in this relationship can use to help the disciplinarian partner get more comfortable in that role. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-90814465890228534912016-04-18T07:45:18.785-07:002016-04-18T07:45:18.785-07:00I agree that in an ideal world, men who want DD wo...I agree that in an ideal world, men who want DD would marry a woman already inclined to it. The difficulty seems to be, of course, that people realize they have this bent while already in stable relationships. I agree you are never going to convert someone who just does not want to lead into a dominant leader, though as you say, I think many women have not only the capacity within them, but a desire for it once it is let out and allowed to be expressed. But, it is a serious point that some women are just never going o be open to it.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.com