tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post1487880211352816770..comments2024-03-29T03:08:12.803-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Forum - Vol. 157 -- Polls "More" or "Less"Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-10842286842583555672016-05-22T05:38:53.168-07:002016-05-22T05:38:53.168-07:00I find it fascinating that someone raised the the ...I find it fascinating that someone raised the the "nature vs. nurture" question. In all these years it never once occurred to me that it was even a possibility that the desire for spanking could be wired in at birth.<br /><br />In my own opinion (which is still open to modification now that the topic has been introduced to my brain) It's not the kind of thing that would be wired in as a native instinct; except maybe to avoid it.<br /><br />It's a positive testimonial to this blog that we have those kinds of conversations.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-82872716584841348602016-05-21T15:34:30.864-07:002016-05-21T15:34:30.864-07:00I have yet to experience that, and find it intimid...I have yet to experience that, and find it intimidating enough that I have not suggested it. The sexual arousal certainly does take the edge off, so the lack of that is very worrisome.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-33479231700838168112016-05-21T10:41:23.482-07:002016-05-21T10:41:23.482-07:00I have read about this several places but have nev...I have read about this several places but have never experienced it. Supposedly it makes the spanking much more painful without causing more damage. I have heard similar things about spanking a wet bottom or shaving a bottom right before the punishment to increase sensitivity. Of course I am very curious about this and want to experience it sometime, but I also fear it a bit. Since my lovely wife makes all decisions about when, how, and how much I am punished, I think I will leave the decision to her about when and if these spanking enhancements are used, and certainly won't be asking her to do it!!<br /><br />I would think this would best be reserved for more severe spankings, when she is really wanting to make a point, rather than less serious spankings. Or maybe she would just have to do this once and in the future the implied threat that it could happen again would increase the excitement/fear factor of "normal" punishments, making them more impactful?<br />-ZMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-4592624640195519362016-05-21T08:31:27.754-07:002016-05-21T08:31:27.754-07:00If a husband or bf is to be seriously punished by ...If a husband or bf is to be seriously punished by spanking, he should be completely sexually relieved first. With no arousal to take the edge off the pain, the spanking will be almost unbearable. The sexual release before the spanking will be paid for times 10 if a hard spanking afterwards is given.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-81357064096617668362016-05-21T08:17:52.349-07:002016-05-21T08:17:52.349-07:00forgot to sign my comment just a minute ago!
- ZM...forgot to sign my comment just a minute ago!<br /><br />- ZMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-70099665973638775012016-05-21T08:15:15.036-07:002016-05-21T08:15:15.036-07:00I have had the desire for real spankings as long a...I have had the desire for real spankings as long as I can remember, but definitely since long before adolescence. I remember how I couldn't stop thinking about being sent to the principals office (school type discipline is still a GIGANTIC fantasy for me), but could never bring myself to do anything bad enough. And then I remember how fascinated I was with every story of initiations for different things (yet another huge fantasy) or rites of passage. So these thoughts been with me forever. <br /><br />I have tried to understand it but to no avail. It is difficult for me to understand how I can be otherwise strong and generally quite confident (including with women), but still desire for my wife to dominate and punish me sometimes. Or how hot it makes me knowing that she has absolute authority to punish me at any time, with reason or without, hard or soft, whether I think it is fair or unfair. It is impossible for me to understand how I can want and need something so badly all the time, knowing that it will be very unpleasant or perhaps even unbearable at the time that it is happening. And then it is stranger still knowing that as soon as it is over, I will feel so happy that it happened, and after a while will start wanting it to happen again.<br /><br />While nobody really understands exactly why some of us are wired this way, it seems that if we are, there is no "getting over it" since it is very much a part of us. I was married to someone who detested it, so I tried to live without it but honestly I was miserable with that and I am sure that my large unmet need affected every part of our relationship.<br /><br />So now I am pragmatic about it. I know that I need it from time time time. It makes me incredibly hot even thinking about it any time. It makes me feel very peaceful, relaxed, and even closer than normal to her (and we are already very very close) when it does happen. I don't understand it, probably never will, and have pretty much quit trying. But my amazing wife is happy to do it sometimes, and I am happy to have it happen as often as she feels like it, so that seems like a pretty good arrangement!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-56626106506553250372016-05-21T07:53:22.296-07:002016-05-21T07:53:22.296-07:00Face it, humans are complicated creatures, and I r...Face it, humans are complicated creatures, and I reject the notion that we function like biologic computers where there are just inputs and outputs and if you could see the source code you could figure out exactly how input A caused output B. Your thoughts on the genetic trigger did raise one other thought with me: Is it interesting that the DWC has influenced so many of these relationships, yet it is in many ways the exact opposite of how most of them actually begin. Whether your genetic trigger theory is right or not, it does seem undeniable that in most cases, the interest in spanking pre-dates the interest in DD, and it is usually the man with that spanking interest who asks for the DD. Yet, a large majority of the stories on the DWC revolve around a woman getting fed up with bad behavior and imposing the DD lifestyle on a man who had no previous interest in spanking. The influence the DWC model has had is another indication to me that while the spanking interest is a key driver of these relationships, it is not the only one by a long shot, and the desire to be subject to someone else's authority, along with the concept of imposed accountability, are additional and independent influences.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-29500341301024100452016-05-21T06:38:43.263-07:002016-05-21T06:38:43.263-07:00"Complicated stuff" . Yes it is and the ..."Complicated stuff" . Yes it is and the absence of much empirical data gives free rein to the theorist. A good theory explains the facts and given the great variety of spanking interest we don't seem to have very good theories.I do believe for most people at least it involves a genetic factor triggered by early experience. But we are far from dotting the I's or crossing the T's on the whys and wherefores. I am also willing to believe there are some who adopt spanking as a relationship tactic, a way to enforce accountability or a way to deal with guilt.Spanking can be a very practical tool in a consensual relationship so there is undoubtedly a pragmatic aspect to it for some <br />AlanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64284233474098273512016-05-20T14:24:13.916-07:002016-05-20T14:24:13.916-07:00I have given up, for the most part, trying to come...I have given up, for the most part, trying to come up with any definitive answer on the nature versus nurture debate. If you can find it, I would love to see the "genetic predisposition" explanation, as it just seems like a very odd thing to have genetically. But, who knows? It does seem true that many have the spanking desire very early on, though some like me do not. I'm also starting to think that having the innate desire to be spanked doesn't fully explain the people for whom the spanking is about accountability or penance, as opposed to a fetish focused on the act of spanking itself. I recently found something called The Psychology of Adult Spanking, which posited that people who want to be spanked to tears do have a spanking fetish, but the desire for a real punishment spanking is often associated with a lack of early boundaries. That sounded reasonable, though it doesn't seem to account for people like me for whom the desire for accountability seemed to trigger the spanking urge, instead of vice versa.<br /><br />Complicated stuff. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-17911096703277810532016-05-20T13:51:33.662-07:002016-05-20T13:51:33.662-07:00ZM-
Those are some of the best comments I (as a ne...ZM-<br />Those are some of the best comments I (as a new DD Hubby "Wannabe) have seen!!!! THANKSDarrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02308416826203465913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-8668702292963390862016-05-20T08:38:58.589-07:002016-05-20T08:38:58.589-07:00This re-raises an old question never really resolv...This re-raises an old question never really resolved: how much of the spanking drive comes from the environment ( experience) and how much from genetic endowment. In other words the old nurture vs nature debate applied to spanking.The very best explanation I have ever read suggests that many if not most people ( men and women) have some genetic predisposition to spanking. But it is experience that triggers that predisposition if it is ever triggered. The more powerful the experience the more powerful the spanking impulse. That doesn't explain why a heterosexual would be M/F or F/M or even a switch. That I think could be determined solely by experience. <br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64387784749161255792016-05-20T07:25:29.924-07:002016-05-20T07:25:29.924-07:00Thanks, Tomy. I get what you're saying, but f...Thanks, Tomy. I get what you're saying, but for me the "fantasy" label doesn't quite resonate. I see it more as matching the methods to the goal, or about effectiveness. I'm also not sure for me personally that all this comes from an earlier period. It may be that for a lot of men the lifestyle it is a fantasy and they are trying to find a way to fulfill it, I'm not sure that is universally applicable.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-79220373502954858572016-05-20T06:23:23.068-07:002016-05-20T06:23:23.068-07:00Your survey and all of the comments on the topic h...Your survey and all of the comments on the topic have been outstanding. Great job!<br /><br />I think it is natural for men to want to influence their wives to match the fantasy they have always had about being in a disciplinary relationship. As I read between the lines in the Comments, and even the Survey itself, evaluating their "performance against our fantasies" is something we continue to do.<br />And again, I think this is pretty normal human behavior.<br /><br />I believe that at the end of the day the complete fulfillment of that fantasy is an internal job. Finding a way in our own minds to be 100% satisfied with how ever it is that our wives choose to deliver discipline makes whatever she wants to do perfect.<br />Let's face it. The origin of all this comes from some earlier period in our lives and we were certainly not judging anyone's performance in those days.<br /><br />And more than likely, that attitude will really empower most women. Which as most of you indicate is your goal.<br />Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-12065332064817711162016-05-19T09:27:42.675-07:002016-05-19T09:27:42.675-07:00Yes, Anonymous. A lot of how we individually addre...Yes, Anonymous. A lot of how we individually address the questions in the post comes down to how we internally and emotionally process the discipline and the narrative we create for ourselves which goes along with it. I'm clearly in the minority.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-16324887883907528032016-05-19T09:18:24.925-07:002016-05-19T09:18:24.925-07:00Agreed and, in an ideal world, all these relations...Agreed and, in an ideal world, all these relationships would be like the stories on the DWC -- the woman gets fed up, takes control, orders that the disciplinary relationship is going to happen, and that same night she reduces him to tears with a hair brush. But, that is seldom the reality. In far more cases, the man initiates, the woman thinks it is kind of weird but agrees to give it a try, and things progress in fits and starts from there. I've also come to believe that one of the biggest hurdles for willing but hesitant disciplinary wives is the constant inner questioning regarding how much he wants in terms of severity, control, etc., and whether he will see her as "bitchy" if she starts really controlling him and holding him accountable. The point of the polls and the ensuing discussion was to give those wives reassurance that, yes, odds are he really does want this and has no problem at all with her exercising power up to (and probably beyond) the limits of what she would want if all the self-doubt were removed.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-64084694655836293932016-05-19T08:00:35.150-07:002016-05-19T08:00:35.150-07:00KD, I agree about the tone most comments are takin...KD, I agree about the tone most comments are taking this week (including my own), though I think that may be a reflection of nature of the question for the week "Do you want it harder, stricter and tougher? Do you want her to toughen the demeanor she uses when addressing your bad behavior?" etc. It is no surprise guys are writing in with what they want and need from a DD arrangement since that was the form of the question asked. <br /><br />But you make an excellent point that it is MUCH better to not offer too much direction to the woman (which makes sense since you are wanting HER to be in control)! I think this is especially difficult in the beginning, because it has often been the man's fantasy for a long time, maybe much of his life, and the woman quite often has never been exposed to this at all and knows virtually nothing about it. So the man tries to help his wife to learn by sharing all that he knows, and while to a point this can be helpful, if taken too far it can very much undermine her confidence and sense of authority. I know that I did that for several months between the time that I first shared my desires and the first time that a punishment actually happened. I had her reading things, looking at video's etc. But then after she did the first punishment, she said she actually really liked it and it was kind of a turn-on for her. Now I don't really show her anything, because I am watching it develop as she wants it to develop. <br /><br />While it is tempting to try to quickly form your wife into the perfect disciplinarian that you have always dreamed of having, it is so much better to allow her a chance to find her own style. It all becomes a much more powerful experience when she is not just trying to satisfy your needs or act out your fantasies, but instead she is doing it because SHE wants to do it! Of course, how quickly this happens (if at all), and to what degree she is able to become a strict disciplinarian when needed probably depends a lot on the woman, but if she really latches hold of this, watch out!!! <br /><br />-ZM<br /><br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-66221321606072208602016-05-19T06:15:41.901-07:002016-05-19T06:15:41.901-07:00I don't have much to contribute this week sinc...I don't have much to contribute this week since I was one of those voting mostly in the "just right" category. I do think Rosa could be more strict, but there are good reasons right now why she's not and I think that if those conditions change, she may very well become a bit more demanding.<br /><br />One observation though....... as I read this week's responses, an awful lot of them have a male-driven, "this is what she should do", tone to them. While both parties should get what they need from a DD arrangement, my experience is that a willing woman will become far more confident in finding her own way with only a small hint of 'direction' from the male. While a male-need-driven arrangement can work, it will do so only for as long as the woman is out to satisfy his disciplinary needs rather than her own. True authority and confidence however, rarely develop if this is her prime motive. (Just read the input from the ladies, and you'll see what I mean.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-67206797872559433092016-05-19T06:14:55.875-07:002016-05-19T06:14:55.875-07:00I don't have much to contribute this week sinc...I don't have much to contribute this week since I was one of those voting mostly in the "just right" category. I do think Rosa could be more strict, but there are good reasons right now why she's not and I think that if those conditions change, she may very well become a bit more demanding.<br /><br />One observation though....... as I read this week's responses, an awful lot of them have a male-driven, "this is what she should do", tone to them. While both parties should get what they need from a DD arrangement, my experience is that a willing woman will become far more confident in finding her own way with only a small hint of 'direction' from the male. While a male-need-driven arrangement can work, it will do so only for as long as the woman is out to satisfy his disciplinary needs rather than her own. True authority and confidence however, rarely develop if this is her prime motive. (Just read the input from the ladies, and you'll see what I mean.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-8347631197039183192016-05-18T17:37:56.449-07:002016-05-18T17:37:56.449-07:00Thanks Anonymous. My own views are similar to you...Thanks Anonymous. My own views are similar to yours, and to the advice from the DWC: The harder you spank him, the more he will love you for it!Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-44790371064642621472016-05-18T17:36:06.060-07:002016-05-18T17:36:06.060-07:00You have my sympathy buddy. Moving pretty much su...You have my sympathy buddy. Moving pretty much sucks. Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-73534887514432084352016-05-18T17:35:18.126-07:002016-05-18T17:35:18.126-07:00Thanks, ZM. Great stuff.
DanThanks, ZM. Great stuff.<br /><br />DanDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-58521321420159106032016-05-18T08:36:55.347-07:002016-05-18T08:36:55.347-07:00Dan
ANNA & I ARE IN THE MIDST OF MOVING TO A ...Dan<br /><br />ANNA & I ARE IN THE MIDST OF MOVING TO A NEW HOME AND THINGS ARE HECTIC HERE BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY TO ALL HUSBANDS HAVE PATIENCE AND BE OPEN AND HONEST WITH YOUR<br />WIFE. IT WONT BE PERFECT OVERNIGHT!<br />PETER<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-18150239803238108972016-05-18T05:00:08.457-07:002016-05-18T05:00:08.457-07:00Like several others have written, and as I wrote a...Like several others have written, and as I wrote about several weeks ago in a letter, I am not involved in FLR, but rather we are in a disciplinary relationship where she has absolute authority to punish me whenever, however, and however severely she wishes. The primary purpose is to fulfill my fantasies of receiving real discipline, though we both benefit greatly from my improved behavior and attitude. While it is a huge turn on for me (except for while it is actually happening), the most important thing is it brings us much closer together and leaves me feeling motivated, at peace, and very loved.<br /><br />Since it is mostly my own goals and expectations that she is enforcing, I want her to hold me very accountable, since I can usually find a justification for everything and in the end I don't meet my own goals which results in me being unhappy. <br /><br />As for demeanor, though we are very kind and loving to each other at every other time, when she decides to punish me it needs to be like night and day, and I want her to become ultra strict and demanding. She should scold me harshly, normally exaggerating just how bad the offense was, and all of my excuses and pleas for mercy should fall on deaf ears.<br /> <br />Punishments should be about as painful as she can make them without causing any lasting damage other than marks and bruises that will go away after a few days. Once punishment starts, the more difficult she is the better. For example she can insist that I stay in position perfectly and add additional punishment for me not following instructions. And the punishments should go on for some time after I quit enjoying it for it to be real punishment. This can include multi-part punishments separated by corner time or sometimes multi-day punishments for serious offenses.<br /><br />Though it perhaps sounds a bit harsh, everything is motivated by our love for each other. As soon as it is over, she returns to her normal kind, gentle, caring demeanor, and everything is great again. I feel forgiven and released of guilty feelings and at peace not only with her but also with myself (and my deepest fantasy is satisfied). She benefits from a more attentive husband who will do anything for her because he is so in love with her.<br /><br />We are actually pretty new to all this, and still learning as we go, but this is what works for us.<br /><br />-ZMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-86547149202687425102016-05-18T04:15:35.076-07:002016-05-18T04:15:35.076-07:00It is good that you found a level that works for y...It is good that you found a level that works for you. For me tears do not come easily (though they do come sometimes) but if there was no bruising I would feel like I hadn't been properly punished and would miss out on the reminders of the punishment in the coming days. For me when she punishes me to the point that it feels like real punishment I feel more loved than at any other time because I know that it is very hard for her to cause me pain yet I know that she loves me enough to give me what I need. So you and I are polar opposites because if you received punishment like me you would feel unloved yet I feel most loved when I get just that! Probably all of us have a line that we expect our wives to not cross but for me I trust her completely because she loves me and is doing this only for me, and my line is clearly at a more severe level of punishment than your line. Though we are all different it is good that each of us can find what works for us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-76256031591640624722016-05-17T23:00:49.357-07:002016-05-17T23:00:49.357-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com