Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women in, or wanting to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships. I hope you had a good week. Mine was not very eventful. Other than a behavioral issue on Monday that she would have given me a very hard spanking for, were it not for some distractions that got in the way. But, it still may be coming.
To those who joined in the discussion last week, thanks for contributing. As I said, some repetition is inevitable, but I myself can never really get enough of "origin" stories when it comes to Domestic Discipline. There are just so many variations on how people get into these relationship, it is endlessly fascinating to me. But, then, I am kind of voyeuristic by nature. One reason I like the participatory nature of doing this blog is I get to hear so many interesting stories. It also tests my assumptions. When I first started the blog, I definitely had some pre-conceived notions about how and why people get into those relationships. I think in general some of those notions were grounded in reality, but only with respect to some segment of the DD community. It's been an awakening experience to hear from so many people about what led them into this fairly unique lifestyle. And, contrary to the views of some of our regular commenters, I do still believe these relationships are fairly uncommon. Oh, I know, lots of couples are into spanking, but that is not the same thing as being into Domestic Discipline. I have no way of knowing for sure, but I really don't think there are all that many people who are really into spanking as a true disciplinary tool. Hell, even in the community of people who visit and comment on this blog, only some portion (and there are weeks it seems to be a small portion) are focused primarily on the disciplinary aspects of a spanking relationship as opposed to the "funishment" or erotic interest.
When you think about it, that really does seem pretty odd, right? Most of us don't like pain. Most of us also usually like getting our own way. So, why is it that at some point in our lives, many of us end up asking our wives to spank us, and to do so very long and hard such that it is a real punishment? And, why do some of us want those spanking to be part of turning over control of parts of our life to someone else? Even those whose relationships are focused on Domestic Discipline without many of the "Female Led" elements are still handing over some fairly significant amount of power and giving up some degree of autonomy, since you are empowering her to punish you in an attempt to change your behavior. At least where those behaviors are concerned, you have ceded control and done so knowing the consequences may be really, truly painful.
So, why do we want this and what motivations or desires does it meet? What itch does it scratch? Take a look at the poll near the top of the blog. It is a variation on others I have posted. It tries to get at this issue of what motivates us to not only take, but often initiate, a lifestyle in which we often have to submit ourselves to painful and humbling punishments?
For myself, despite being in one of these relationships for several years, and being a fairly self-aware person (at least I like to think so), I don't have a solid answer. As I recounted last week, I was not a "spanko" in my younger years. I had never once thought about adult spankings until well into my '30s. Even when we started playing with erotic spanking, it wasn't wasn't all that interesting to me, let alone the kind of compelling fetish it clearly is to some. Yet, when I stumbled on a website devoted to Domestic Discipline, it just hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I literally couldn't sleep the night after I found it, and not much for a few days after that. Something about it just grabbed me. Looking back and trying to recall what the primary driver was, I know part of it was related to accountability and boundaries. The stories of wives meting out punishment for real offenses were compelling, and it had something to do with being held truly accountable. Which as I've said before is really an odd thing for me to be attracted to, because I am generally so anti-authoritarian. But, part of me clearly wants it, even if I rebel against it. But, I'm not sure that really gets at the heart of it either. The stories that really got to me at my core all involved being brought to tears by a spanking. But, when I say "got to me," I don't mean erotically. At least not in any simplistic way. Frankly, those stories scared the shit out of me, but I also found them morbidly fascinating. To say the prospect of being brought to tears by a spanking from my wife gave me "butterflies" is such an understatement. It almost made me want to throw up -- the feeling was that powerful. Yet, I undeniably wanted it.
So, for me, there seem to be a lot of motivations at play. I want to be held accountable. I crave imposed boundaries, even if in every aspect of my life I push against them. I want the catharsis, and maybe even the embarrassment, of being brought to tears by my wife. Part of me craves being lectured and treated with a very maternal strictness. All of that is in there somewhere, and I have no idea why none of it came out until pretty late in life. And, my decade-long interest in this lifestyles is not all emotionally motivated. Part of it is just recognizing that I don't always have the willpower to behave in ways that help me be successful or that help me avoid the natural consequences of bad behavior. So, the prospect of getting spanked can help with that.
So, what motivated you to seek this out? Or, if you are one of the few disciplined husbands on whom the lifestyle was imposed, or if you are a disciplinary wife who imposed it, what was the primary driver for that happening? For you personally, what needs did you think the DD or FLR lifestyle would serve?
I hope you all have a great week.