Saturday, July 29, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 216 - Beginnings


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a good week.  Mine was insanely busy again.  I'm really hoping to get some downtime this weekend, though it's not looking promising.

As our regulars know, I've been struggling more than usual with coming up with new ideas and also with the structure of the blog.  I do like the topical format, but it feels more than a little random.  Some of that may be inherent to the format of a blog versus a website.  The latter is more like a book, with some kind of purpose and layout, arranged into discreet sections intended to accomplish some specific thing or make some specific information available.  The former is more like a weekly column in the Lifestyle section of the newspaper.  From this blog's inception, I've struggled with which of those I want it to be.  On the one hand, I want it to be a resource for people exploring this lifestyle.  On the other, I did start it because I am a communicative person and, within bounds, I do like talking about what is going on in my own life and my own DD marriage and having a community around that.  Though, I'm not sure the blog format really works that well for community building.  The topics are constraining and I'm always the initiator of the conversation.  I recently was invited to a Facebook group for DD folks. It's mainly M/f in orientation, but I do like the give-and-take aspect of it.  Though, it has its downsides, such as Facebook making it very hard to post anonymously.  Despite that "little" impediment, I am still pondering starting a group there.  If you would be interested, shoot me an email.  Depending on the interest level, I might give it a go.

Having something more interactive and more private, like a Facebook private group, solves only part of the problem, however, as I do still want something that is a more generally available resource and, again, something a little less random.  It occurred to me that this blog has explored damn near every conceivable topic related to Domestic Discipline, but it is spread out over four years of sequential entries.  So, I think what I am going to try for the next few months is imposing a little structure.  A little logical flow.  Something more like a book and less like a journal or weekly column.  It may or may not work, but I am just kind of tired of throwing out random topics every week.  It absolutely will mean repeating past topics and repeating some older content, which may get tiring for the regulars but, as I said, we have at one point or another covered pretty much every damn thing that it is possible to explore regarding these relationships.

So, if I were writing a book about Domestic Discipline, where would I start?  Well, probably with how I got into it in the first place.


 My story is below.  I hope you will share yours as well. 

Exploring Domestic Discipline was my idea, which might surprise you if you knew me in "real life."  Like many men who feel attracted to giving up control to a strong woman and being held accountable by her, I am not "naturally" submissive.  To the contrary, in every other aspect of my life, I tend to be a leader, not a follower.  In fact, I hate being told what to do and I've never been presented with a rule that I didn't promptly set out to break.  I also tend to be hard-charging and very goal focused.  I like performing at my best and feel a lot of guilt when I don't meet the standards I set for myself.  I have been like that most of my life, though my career really brought those controlling and performance-oriented tendencies to the forefront.  After a decade or so of living that way, I was materially successful but not particularly happy. Everything felt out of balance. I was always in charge. Always the person making the decisions. Which was overwhelming sometimes.

Our marriage was similarly out of balance. My wife was raised in a very traditional, male dominated family, and she brought that habitual mindset into our marriage. It wasn't that we had consciously created a male dominated marriage, but that was just sort of where our personalities naturally took us.
 

We had dabbled in erotic spanking, so that bridge already had been crossed. That "dabbling" came relatively late in our relationship.  We had been together for about 10 years.  From what I have since gathered from the conversations on this blog, my DD journey is a bit atypical because, while it was me who introduced spanking into our bedroom repertoire, I did not have any kind of early fascination with it.  I had, in fact, never even considered engaging in it, whether giving or receiving, as an adult.  That changed when I watched a "Real Sex" episode on HBO that had a segment on erotic spanking.  It was a turn-on, and some time after that, I bought a small leather paddle and asked my wife if she would try using it on me.  She did, but it was never very hard and always erotic in nature.

We incorporated some femdom scenarios into our play,  characterizing the spankings she was giving me as “punishment” for various things I had done wrong.  That began to create problems.  Some of my behaviors really were a problem and really were pissing my wife off.  But, because the spankings were relatively mild and always part of our sex play, she began to see them as more reward than punishment, and she was right about that.  She definitely was not interested in doing anything to reinforce my bad behavior, so she stopped the spankings entirely.  I didn't really care, and it didn't feel like much of a sacrifice.  I was still somewhat interested in spanking-related subjects, but while the idea of being spanked did excite me, it was not a big deal and not remotely close to a fetish or compulsion.  If I came across spanking-related content on the internet or in a magazine, I might read it or follow a link to other content, but it didn't really bother me at all that my wife was not interested in making spanking an ongoing part of our sex life.

That all changed when I somehow came across the Disciplinary Wives Club website.   I don't really remember how that came about, but I remember the effect it had on me like it was yesterday.  Unlike our previous erotic spankings, the spankings advocated by "Aunt Kay" were intended to be real punishment to correct real misbehavior.  Many of the fictional scenes and "Real Couples" letters involved wives imposing the DD relationship, or taking it far beyond what the husband envisioned when he first asked to experiment with it.  In other words, many of the scenarios involved "consensual non-consent" or the husband asking for it but "getting more than he bargained for."  In several of the stories, the wife announced that the spanking would not end until after her misbehaving husband was in tears.  That was what really got me.   Not the spanking per se, but the idea of submitting to someone's control so fully that I might have to accept the ultimate humiliation of being brought to tears over my wife's knee. For an admitted "control freak" like me,  that kind of loss of such control was truly terrifying. But, it also was, undeniably, fascinating, though morbidly so.

I spent two or three days in a state of near obsession.  I literally could think about little else and had trouble sleeping, distracted by thoughts about this lifestyle and what it might mean.  After a few days of that, I brought it to my wife's attention, initiating the discussion almost like I was conveying a funny joke. We were laying in bed together, and I initiated the conversation in some benign way, like "I found this funny website on the internet . . . "  I explained the premise.  Women taking control of the marriages and using real corporal punishment on their husbands.  I explained that unlike the situation of "rewarding" bad behavior with fake, erotic spankings that had led her to bring our previous spanking experimentation to a halt, these were real spankings, designed to punish and correct behavior.  She asked whether I was suggesting this as something we should actually try. I told her, very hesitantly, that I didn't really know but that it had been on my mind constantly since finding the website.  The hesitation was because, I knew very well that I was suggesting something that might prove to be incredibly painful and that my ego found immensely threatening. She told me that she would take a look at it.

I was sitting at my desk at work the next day, when she called and said she had visited the DWC website.  "So, . . .?" I asked.

"Very interesting," she replied.  That was it. 

"So . . . what does that mean . . ." I probed.

"Well, I guess it means you need to go buy me a nice, high-quality wooden hairbrush.  When you get home, we can talk about how and when it is going to be used."

The rest is, as they say, history.  While she was game to give it a try, she was concerned that this could still reinforce bad behavior if the spanking became "fetishized."  Therefore, our foundational rule was that the spanking had to be "real" each and every time.   It had to be severe enough to constitute real punishment. And, that is what we have been doing ever since.

So, how did your own Domestic Discipline relationship get started? 

Have a great week.

37 comments:

  1. For us, it wasn't a serious conversation, more like a escalating series of jokes and dares and teases over a few months.
    I'd say, "Come on, it'll give your dark side a chance to come out."
    She's say, "You really don't want to see my dark side."
    Me: "Aww, you talk tough but you're a big softie..."
    Then one day we were alone in the house. Still naked from my shower, I went looking for some physical affection, and found her working in the kitchen.
    "You've got to be kidding!" She exclaimed, exasperated. "You want to be spanked, I'll spank you!" She bent me over the kitchen counter and gave me four sharp spanks with wooden spatula.
    It hurt! Worse than I expected. But it was also thrilling to see her actually take control. Then she sent me on my way to get dressed.
    Well, I was hooked. A week later I got her to repeat the scene. "I guess four spanks is a good number," she said, and paddled my naked butt again.
    Of course, four spanks didn't stay the right number for long. She soon graduated to additional implements - her hairbrushes, a heavy duty paint stirrer, and more items from the kitchen. Our third session was probably 30 spanks, the next 70, and the next over 100. We've since gone to Bed Bath and Beyond and selected new hairbrushes just for their disciplinary impact.
    And she still says she hasn't let her dark side out yet! I'm guessing it's not something I'll be happy to see at the time, but otherwise I can't wait!
    CrimsonKing

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    1. I'm sure you'll let us know when she embraces the Dark Side and takes it out on your ass!

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  2. In our case it is quite a boring story and it is a mute point whether it has crossed into defined DD or not. I have had a 40 year fasination with spanking females which I only practised occasionally and in a limited sense (am actually quite pro-feminist politically and due to family background have no interest in being a brute) . As my wife became less interested in the play/sex part of being spanked I started to explore the prospect of a non christian approach to DD to satisfy my needs and take some of thw toxic edge out of the marriage. Finally about a year ago I made a clear statement on a series of things I wanted resolving and that included regular DD spanking. My wife responded positivily to most of it but said she had a real problem with the power relationship issue. This showed in the first two spankings given, her head was ok with the pain but not the act.

    So I needed to think quick. I fell back on my life instincts and said "what if I made it equal"? I surprised myself and was even more surprised she said yes. However what really surprised me was how quickly I started to enjoy it when put over her knee either for maintainence or for breaking the "c6" list rules. So much do I enjoy it I look forward more than when I spank her! I think it is the novalty still.

    Now we are still some where to go on this. She never breaks a c6 which is interesting because I do. I aso detect she is very cautious with being the spanker but I am giving it time both ways. I have considered offering her a one-way arrangement for a period of time (I don`t have the power issue as I trust her) and that is what brought me to this site. However I don`t think I am FLR type or ready except I would let her whoop my butt into shape daily if she wanted.

    Am still comprehending myself what is going on in my head now but the bottom line ( pardon the pun) is I love still to spank but I love more to be spanked at the minute.

    Cheers Good Life Mickey.

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    1. Got it. It's a perspective I can't say much about. I have zero desire to be on the giving in where spankings are concerned, and I absolutely could not do it as real discipline or punishment.

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    2. To clarify Dan the intensity difference between being top or bottom, a maintainence or c6 is very little. I am trying to persuade Mrs Good Life he can up her game without worrying I will up it on her. I don`t think she accepts that yet. Cheers Good Life Mickey (GLM).

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  3. Your story and mine are very similar with the exception that I overheard a friend getting spanked by his very attractive Mother and was hooked at young age. My parents use to spank me, and my Mother would sometimes catch me masturbating and spank me, so the sexual appeal was established. Like you I’m a very powerful and successful type A personality, but was tired of always being in charge. Finally asked my wife to spank me but it was always more for foreplay. Also it was finding the DWC that turned the corner for me and my wife. I found the perfect soul mate, who enjoys receiving and giving. We are moving more toward a FLR with her making more of the major decisions and gaining more confidence in her role. Look forward to your making of the book version, but not much on Facebook.

    John

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  4. I apologize for the length of my postings - I'm a woman so being brief is not in our DNA.
    Part 1:
    I have been married to the love of my life (Tim) for 26 years. In the “real” world we are both successful and well respected in the business arena. Many have said of us that we are the epitome of a power couple and wherever we go as a couple we seem to attract friendly attention and have been praised as being an inspiration to others about how marriages can be so happy, humorous and respectful. It has not always been like this when we first met he was proud and fairly self-centered. In a way it was his arrogance that attracted me since I had, as small child of 10 or 11, been intrigued with corporal punishment. When, at catholic school, if a boy misbehaved the nun would take him into a small storage closet and we would hear the sound of the paddle being applied to what sounded to us like his bare bottom. I loved watching the discomfort of the boy, and the tears, when he was led out and marveled at the change in his behavior over the next few days. I would fantasize about what it would be like to be taken to the closet and have my bottom spanked. It could not have been sexual at that early stage but it certainly had a powerful effect on me. When I met Tim his arrogance thrilled me and I had fantasies that he might spank me. I am 5’6” and he is 6’1” so I believed he could simply pick me up and throw me across his knee. We began dating and I did all I could to antagonize him to see if he shared my spanking fetish. At first frustratingly nothing – then one day I was an hour late for dinner and he was mad. “You should be spanked young lady” he barked annoyed and I guess my response of “Yes I deserve it” sparked something in his libido and the night finished with a hot bottom for me. We married and he continued to spank me when I deserved it. Then one day he was really late collecting me from my office and I was so annoyed I sulked all the way home. When we got home he apologized again and said something like perhaps you should get your own back. At that moment I realized that physical discipline might be good for both of us and I gave him his first spanking. I discovered that I loved it and the rest, as they say, is history. I moved from my hand, to hairbrush to many other implements. We agreed to put together a “Domestic Harmony Contract”. We both agreed that it was unfair to think that one person would be right all the time so we should both be subject to corporal discipline if either acted irresponsibly or broke a list of rules we established. It worked remarkably well and we became closer and more understanding of each other.

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    1. I know this is an "Adult DD" blog, but clearly your school days affected your interest in discipline, about which I would love to know more. I suspect these episodes could have formed part of your budding sexuality even at an early age.
      Were girls "exempt" from corporal punishment, or did it just never happen to them?
      Did you and the other girls ever talk about it?
      Did any of the boys ever confide in you?

      Carl H

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    2. Hi Carl H. It’s true that my interest in spanking and CP has been with me for as long as I can remember. Initially it was not sexual or so I have thought recollecting various events but I still experienced a tingle and excitement in my tummy every time I thought about spanking or heard the sound of the paddle. I was always a shy young girl so I never actually asked a boy about his punishment although I would watch him carefully after his paddling and get some form of enjoyment watching him squirm on the wooden chairs and occasionally wiping a tear from his eye. One day I did follow one poor young boy who had received quite a paddling and was rubbing his small backside. He met with a group of boys and I listened as they asked him all sorts of questions. I was riveted to the spot. “How hard did she hit you?” “How many did you get?” “Does it hurt?” “Did you cry?”. One asked him if they could see his bottom, which really excited me, but I was disappointed when the boys disappeared into the boy’s bathroom. There was one other girl in my class who seemed to enjoy the same feelings as me but she was more direct. Apparently she had brothers of her own since she had no problem teasing the punished boys with “Oh it must have hurt – just look at your tears”. She would in some cases even sidle up to the boy and smack his bottom with “Oh did that hurt” giggle and run away. I once talked with her about why she was so fascinated with spanking and she laughed and said it made her feel funny “you know down there” so looking back her budding sexuality must have blossomed earlier than the rest of us. The girls were mainly punished on their hands with the nuns using a strap but one girl who spat at a nun was taken into the closet and paddled on her backside. All the girls gathered around her during recess and asked her about how it had felt to bend over and get the paddle. The macho boys simply giggled. When I was in my teens I found a playboy magazine my dad had bought and in the ads section there was a description of Shadow Lane and the magazine they produced. I was fascinated that there was such an interest in spanking and by now it was most certainly sexual. I tore the ad from my Dad’s magazine and surreptitiously sent away for the magazine. I ran home from school every day to check the mail box before my mom collected the mail. The day it arrived in a brown paper envelope I was beside myself with excitement. I took it to my room and devoured the stories and pictures of mainly women being spanked. It was then I fully reveled in the direct link between my brain and my sex.

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    3. "I still experienced a tingle and excitement in my tummy every time I thought about spanking or heard the sound of the paddle." While that wasn't true for me growing up, it was definitely the case after I discovered DD.

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    4. Tina,

      You and Tim are very fortunate in that I suspect it is a real rarity where BOTH the man and woman have the "spanking gene", or whatever it is that causes us to do "That Thing We Do". Anybody have any thoughts on this?

      Carl H

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  5. Part 2:
    Over time Tim has been more reluctant to discipline me hard since he says that the love, care and support I continually give him makes it difficult for him to hurt me. “Does that mean I’ll not get another spanking?” I laughed. “No” he replied “but they will only be loving spankings when you feel you need one” Since we were having an open and honest discussion I questioned how that left him since there were many aspects of his behavior that I believed a disciplinary spanking would improve (as well as the fact that I really had grown to enjoy how he squirmed as I punished him). He quietly hugged me and said with a shy chuckle “Well mistress you will have to continue”. That was the major turning point in our relationship and Tim has fully embraced the delicate change in the balance of our relationship and fully accepts that he is far better controlled if he accepts my decision to punish him. Our relationship, respect, trust and love for each other seemed to deepen as we experimented with many types of CP to reinforce and punish any breach of the rules. We are now into our 26th year of an intensely happy marriage despite the need for me to punish Tim quite seriously for some major inappropriate behavior. I don’t necessarily believe that a woman is superior to a man and I highly respect Tim for all his manly attributes, creative ideas and capabilities which I would never want to see subdued or changed but there are times when he acts like an irresponsible boy at which time I become the dominant mistress and enjoy disciplining him. At first I was very reluctant to apply a disciplinary spanking – I was so frightened that I might hurt him and he would resent the new exchange in power – but by having open discussions after each major session we soon established an understanding of what was possible and although he admitted that at the time of a true disciplinary spanking he was scared and apprehensive he confirmed that I should punish him as hard as I felt was needed. We both recognize that he is a far more attentive and caring man than he was when we married due to these open discussions and consensual punishment.

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    1. Hi Tina. I suspect that in her more honest moments, my wife would admit my arrogance and bad behavior were part of what attracted her, too. But, I'm sure that behavior was far more attractive in my 20s than my 40s.

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    2. You are so correct Dan. As detailed when I first met Tim I was attracted by his confidence and ego. I tended to ignore the negative side of his arrogance. After marriage I began noticing how others were upset by his overbearing manner. His confidence, to me, began to seem like an inflated sense of self importance which became increasingly irritating. When he left me waiting in my office for so long with an apparent total disregard for my time or feelings I decided it was time to act. It’s difficult for him to be arrogant when he’s draped pants down, over my knee having his bottom turned red – so this was my epiphany. My main concern at that time was that by spanking him I might cause him to devalue his perceived self worth and self respect. These were characteristics I valued, respected and was scared that I could destroy, diminish or change. We discussed my concern after his first spanking but he assured me that he was happy to accept the new dynamic. Now after many years of discipline he hardly ever exhibits arrogant superiority. Instead he still exhibits strength, confidence and leadership in his work, social and family environment but it is always tinged with empathy and consideration. He always considers me and responds positively to my suggestions and instructions. He is now well respected by his work colleagues and I simply adore the man – even if (and probably specifically because) I’ll still whip him when he deserves it. There is no doubt that DD has saved our marriage and made him an excellent husband and human being. Dan can I ask if you feared that your wife would think less of you when you initially allowed her to spank you and did she have similar worries about how you might react.

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    3. I honestly don't recall whether that was a concern for me in the beginning. I think I was more concerned that she would just think the whole thing was totally weird. I do think I have a somewhat similar concern deep inside, however, and it is part of what keeps me from crying. Deep down inside, I think part of me is concerned that sobbing in front of her would make her see me as less "manly." I honestly don't think she would feel that way, but that is my rational side talking. Internally, I still worry about it.

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  6. Dan
    Peter and I began after about 8 years of marriage. Peter is driven and an overachiever. His natural tendency is to live life big. Sadly much of that behavior that I found amusing and fun seemed to pale
    as we had the boys and his ability to stay sober, be reliable to helping out with the boys or even mowing the lawn.
    We were in marriage counseling that seemed to get us nowhere. I was more and more thinking of divorce
    when at the end of one session Peter confessed that he had experience going to a woman for spanking from time to time. he swore it was never sexual although he had been spanked naked. Long story short I called the woman and she verified it was for spanking only. Nothing sexual although she told me from time to time he was aroused.
    At home Peter and I talked and talked. I dont think he understood why he needed this and I am not sure that even today he knows why. After a lot of talk we agreed to trying it. My only conditions were that there could not ever be sex after a spanking and when he was spanked would be totally my decision.
    The first few sessions, always on a friday as the boys spend that nite with my folks. They were not that
    successful. I just so feared harming or injuring him. I called the domme he had gone to and she was so sweet and offered to show me how to do it and would demonstrate on a pillow ( not Peter ) .
    She also suggested I would feel better if I approached a session with a list of things Peter had done
    that were disrupting our home life.
    At home we made a list of what I considered offenses worthy of punishment. Quickly for things like
    driving while drinking, swearing around the boys, forgetting to call when late. etc.
    Now a few years later it works like a charm. I do leave bruises and a few welts. He does now and then
    sob but no tears. After he tends to be docile and I often put slave on his bruises but no sex. Slowly we have added to offenses that have created havoc. To be frank I want him to set a good example for the
    boys. Punishment can happen for bringing phone to a meal. This does not mean he is spanked weekly.
    It occurs as needed.
    Anna
    p.s. There is an arousal aspect for both of us ,not always and not always at the same time. In my mind for me it is the discovery of hot erotic power can be. I dont say this to Peter but I know these acts of submission, including following my rules is arousing to him.

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  7. typo correction :
    i apply salve not slave : )

    anna

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    1. Hi Anna. Thanks for sharing. One point of clarification -- I wasn't sure what you meant by "sobbing but no tears." Peter does cry, right?

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    2. He does cry... when I said no tears I meant it is still very controlled.Does that make sense?
      anna

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  8. For the guys who came into this initially with a more sexual or fetishistic orientation to spanking, because it is real and because the punishments are Intended to be so painful and harsh, did the migration to DD diminish or end that enjoyable aspect of the activity? Did you do something else so you could have DD without losing the "fun" aspect of spanking that yiu enjoyed before DD?

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  9. Another fascinating & thought provoking topic ...

    TBH, I cannot remember a time when 'spanking' was not an area of keen interest and that that interest was as normal (but secret) to me as any other. I was 'educated' by Christian Brothers from 7 - 17 (and nuns before that). Day one at school and the teacher demonstrated the effectiveness of the strap on a windowsill, with the clear but terrifying message that he might actually use it on his large class of 7 year old boys. There was almost an amnesty after that days for about 3 days and then the strap was applied to most of the hands in that class every day and often several times a day.

    That carried on all through junior school, almost always on the hands but sometimes casually on the backside. Lots of nervous giggling and even the teachers/Brothers would often joke about who was/had/should be 'getting the strap'. Many tales of how it 'was much worse' in their day with severe pants down, over the knees as the norm for misbehaviour. And yes, I was subjected to occasional such sessions, luckily with clothes on, but still embarrassing and painful and I know for sure that a number of others had the full works.

    I have no idea why I developed a fantasy world which revolved around being taken over a dominant primarily male lap with trousers & underpants round my knees. I have no idea why the leather strap is such a powerful almost symbolic item to me arousing all sorts of mixed feelings of fear, excitement, anticipation, etc. The reality was and very much still is that when the first stroke lands the soft veil of fantasy is ripped away and I want it to stop - now!

    Finally on F/M - mmost of my fantasies were M/m with me at the receiving end, quite confusing given I am almost 100% hetro. I had never considered a DD type relationship, never even knew such things existed until my wife playfully took the initiative about 10 years ago. A whole world opened up for me where fantasy could meet reality, where a real relationship could have physical punishment as a real option, with someone who I loved.

    The rest (and once again thanks to the DWC) as they say is history. TB

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    1. Thanks, TB. I can understand the M/m fantasies despite your "almost 100% hetero) orientation. I think for many, DD is about accountability, being forced to let go of control, and being disciplined whether you like it or not. I can see how a M/m scenario might seem to check all those boxes, particularly given your schooling background.

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  10. Hi Dan,
    My wife, Colleen, and I have followed your Blog for several years and have posted way back then. Mostly, I have since just sat back and enjoyed the content. We are now emerging from a short break in DD brought on by life circumstances, and would like to contribute to this question.
    I was only spanked a couple of times before about age five, but went through tenth grade in a school system that used spanking as a disciplinary tool. I, therefore, watched many spankings being administered in front of the class. I have wanted to get spanked since about age five, but was always afraid of it and always managed to talk my way out of it when I was threatened with a spanking. So when I became an adult, I started asking girlfriends to spank me. It usually was only artificial (except for one notable encounter).
    One day I met the most beautiful girl in the world, and we have now been married for over thirty years. Early on, I tried to introduce spanking into our relationship but she had not much interest in it. Like you, I am an “in charge” person and can be pretty abrasive sometimes. She is always sweet and kind and I would frequently offend her without realizing it. About ten years ago I realized that part of my abrasiveness problem was that I had never been properly spanked for being that way, and had a lot of pressure built up on account of it. I really, really needed to get the proverbial bottom blistering for due cause and not be able to sit down for a week. She and I then had a very soul-baring (for me) talk during which I outlined a plan for us that should solve both of our issues. Her problem of being too sweet and accommodating, and being something of a doormat, could be solved by her assuming a dominant role in my discipline so that if I offended her she could forcefully demonstrate her displeasure. The solution to mine was to be held accountable to her with the use of real disciplinary spanking.
    It took me a long time to convince her that it was worth a try, and we started “practicing” for the day when she would be able to take over the discipline. At that time, I had never heard of DD but quickly encountered Aunt Kay and her DWC and discovered through the internet that it is much more common than most people realize. We bought some of Aunt Kay’s materials and they were a great help. Colleen had always believed in spanking but never considered that it could be used on her husband. One of Colleen’s issues was that she didn’t feel comfortable hurting me. It took Aunt Kay to convince her that spankings must be painful to be effective and if they are not, then they do not serve the proper purpose and would be ineffective. So, she would need to understand that spankings are painful, learn how to make them painful, and just get over it.
    Today I can attest to the fact that she completely understands this and did get over it. I still have red marks left over from the result of my stepping over the line last week. There’s no sense going into those details here. Everyone here knows all about how that works, I believe. Let me just say that I have made several paddles over the years for her and they are very effective. They are real bottom burners because they are made of the proper wood. I learned that in elementary school. LOL!
    Best regards!
    Ed

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    1. Hi Ed. Thanks for sharing that history. It's great you've been together that long and seem to be a real DD success story. I too grew up in schools were paddling was a frequent occurrence, though I don't recall any of them happening in the classroom. The offender was usually taken out to the hall or sent to the principal's office.

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    2. Hi Dan,
      I only remember two cases where someone was taken to the coatroom which was attached to every classroom (it was a very old school building). Everyone else had to face the class while getting paddled. One of the coatroom trips was because the guy knew he was going to get paddled and he wore extra pants that day. The teacher quickly realized that and took him to the coatroom to take his pants down. I never heard if he had to remove both or just the extra pair. Getting sent to the principal's office meant most likely fifteen spanks with his strap. I know this because our neighbor was his secretary for a while and I heard her telling Mom one day about how it was administered. I was all ears listening to that conversation!
      Ed

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    3. Two pairs of pants -- that's pretty damn funny! Wish I had that option available.

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    4. Well Dan, you could always do what he did. Try it and see if you get away with it. Let us know how that works for you. Haha!
      Ed

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  11. Well I feel like a real old-timer here now. I think I've answered this one at least twice before! LOL Anyway, to be both accurate and brief, our DD began when Rosa moved in and she worried that she might never be able to see this house as hers. We had already been 'playing' with spanking with mutual enjoyment, but even in play Rosa always liked 'having a reason' ......even though that was not of major importance to me.

    Anyway I suggested that perhaps she might want to make up a set of "House Rules" that I would be obliged to live by, to make her feel she was in charge and this was her place as much if not even more than mine. It also seemed like given what we were doing something 'real' like this could thereby take our relationship to the next logical level, and use discipline as a consequence for breaking her rules. It think she had to think that one over for about 5 seconds before agreeing! LOL

    We've been living this way ever since and in her mind she just sees this as the way things should be.

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  12. When my partner and I first started seeing each other just over ten years ago and I realised our relationship was quite ‘serious’ I confessed my corporal punishment fantasies that had been with me since I was a child.
    I’m someone who takes control in the workplace but have always been submissive in female company. And have always been obsessed with corporal punishment, whether it’s M/m or F/m.
    I was not long out of a failed marriage. She was not long out of a relationship with a guy who had treated her quite badly. To my surprise she was only keen to give it a go. Our first attempt ended up with us both rolling around with laughter after he feeble attempts with the cane.
    But the next time she came to my flat, she was dressed to kill – or at least thrash me! It took a while for her to develop her caning skills but we played all sorts of spanking games and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.
    Then we started discussing things that annoyed her, like my laziness, my sometimes over-bearing nature, my lack of financial self-control and both came to the conclusion, we might put corporal punishment to better use than bedroom games.
    In all honesty, I don’t recall who led the discussion, though I imagine it was probably me, given my interest in the subject. I can certainly recall reading about DD regimes that female-led couples lived by, and about Boot Camp training, subjects and bringing them to the discussion.
    Again ‘Mistress’ was only too keen to try it. I think some of my traits reminded her of her previous partner and she was keen to take control to avoid what happened before. Plus I think the control she had discovered in our relationship was helping rebuild her shattered confidence.
    We developed a set of quite strict rules and I was punished if I broke them or displeased her. Due to outside influences (work and family commitments) we found it impossible to carry out punishments as and when they were required so established a weekly maintenance punishment session every Thursday.
    Mistress quickly became an expert with the cane and Thursday’s became a evening to dread. Dread is a strong word but I certainly didn’t look forward to what had become inevitable punishment sessions far removed from the fun games we had played before.
    At first she was worried about hurting me and the damage she might cause to my bottom but we looked at F/m CP videos and she realised it’s possible to cane very hard without causing serious damage.
    Mistress became authoritarian and dealt me lectures about my behaviour. She also became a demon with the cane and punishment from her was something to fear – her technique had developed into not just expertly delivered hard strokes of the cane, but delivered with a fast tempo that took my breath away.
    By now it was obvious she really enjoyed her role and while she looked forward to disciplining me, in a weird irony I began to lose my enthusiasm for the cane. That upset Mistress, so we hit a bit of an impass and she put DD on hold for me to ‘sort myself out’.
    We both recognise DD added a very healthy dynamic to our relationship that we both have begun to miss. She had someone who would respond to her authority. I had the kind of dominant partner I needed and only now we can look back and realise we stumbled upon a perfect way to maintain equilibrium in the relationship.
    Sorry, to ramble on. You asked for how we got into DD – but it didn’t feel right telling you the great way we discovered the delights of such a relationship without admitting to the pitfall we encountered through my own weakness.

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    1. "By now it was obvious she really enjoyed her role and while she looked forward to disciplining me, in a weird irony I began to lose my enthusiasm for the cane. That upset Mistress, so we hit a bit of an impass and she put DD on hold for me to ‘sort myself out’"

      I do try to avoid bright lines around "what is DD" versus what is something else, but isn't "losing enthusiasm" for any spanking implement and for the spanking itself really inevitable for "real" form of DD? Whether you look at DD purely as something designed to correct bad behavior and prevent its occurrence, or from the spanker's perspective as punishment or "giving him what he has coming," it seems to me that if the recipient does not, in fact, have very strong feelings of aversion, then what is going on is probably more of a spanking fetish than "real" discipline.

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  13. I'd not thought it out like that Dan - if I get what you are saying, but I'm a little confused….. Are you saying you think we've crossed the line from spanking fetish to real discipline - and my aversion to being caned as punishment is natural? that's what we always had in mind but I figured I'd just lost my way. I suppose the difficult thing I have to overcome is accepting the punishment whether I like it or not and not questioning her authority. That's where we came unstuck. Perhaps that's a topic for discussion - what to do if your DD comes off the rails but deep down, you both know you need it but neither of you know how best to sort the issue out…..?

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    1. It's not for me to say whether you have crossed the line from spanking fetish to real discipline. From what you conveyed above, and the earlier posts on your blog, it sounds like your DD went of the rails because when you started getting "real" disciplinary canings, you lost whatever attraction the abstract idea of "real" discipline had for you. From the above, I don't know whether you have begun to accept real punishment or not. Your comment above concludes with a lot of past-tense assertions about what you "had" once, but doesn't say anything about what you have now.

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  14. Beginnings...I had a life-long fascination with being spanked. But it was almost entirely fantasy, except that I did visit professionals a couple of times. Internet communication was not like today. It was limited to a few bulletin boards. But I found one about spanking.

    Right after that I began dating my eventual wife and she was open to attending what was the first-ever Shadow Lane spanking party in Los Angeles.

    A few month later I got a job out of town and she had agreed to move with me. Well, a friend asked me to transport some "questionable" merchandise in the moving van and I thought there should be no problem with it. We had a huge argument about that with her insisting that it presented an unnecessary risk.

    That was when I discovered a couple of things; don't make a redhead mad, and that she was a natural disciplinarian. It was my first real spanking from her and it was a doozy. She controlled the whole thing and of course the merchandise did NOT travel with us.

    My wife is a very smart woman and from that day on she never relinquished her role as disciplinarian (thank heaven).

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    1. That's a really great example of using DD to keep a husband on the straight and narrow.

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  15. Well before I got married, I spanked several of the girls I dated (one of whom was eager to occasionally "turn the tables"), and I also experienced a "give and take" relationship with two "older" women (in their 30's). The woman I eventually married - in our mid-twenties - was initially spanked often enough, but eventually claimed "equal rights"- which (by mutual agreement) soon turned into a full-fledged F/M arrangement, whereby she had exclusive rights to apply any "tools" to my backside. Ours is now (and has been for years) a strict, one-sided, disciplinary relationship, which I have long learned to accept (and, in some ways, to anticipate). Kissing her hand (or her "tool") after
    submitting to a stern "session" is expected -as is being (frequently) assigned a spell of bare=bottomed "corner time"...

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