Saturday, July 8, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 213 - Windows and Other Embarrassments

 Man is the only animal that blushes.  Or needs to.  -- Mark Twain

 Hello all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was filled with quite a bit of misbehavior.  Though, because of some family things, I doubt any of it will get the punishment it deserves.

And, once again, I'm not feeling particularly inspired.  I think at some point I'm going to have to concede that there really are only so many topics to explore when it comes to something like Domestic Discipline, and I'm going to have to either get comfortable with recycling them every week, or decide that the blog has run its natural course.  Though, some of this probably is just lack of inspiration and, honestly, laziness. But more the former than the latter, I think.  Inspiration can come and go in a flash.  This morning, I spent 30 minutes trying to come up with a topic.  Then another 30 trying to find a good quote for it. I failed in the latter, gave up, started to write, and then all of a sudden I remembered a quote I like that at least sort of fits.  Sometimes it works that way.

This week I borrowed some inspiration from one of last week's comments.  Spanked Cowboy talked about how his former disciplinarian believed firmly in spanking immediately after the offense.  If bad behavior happened in public, he was punished in public. 

Honestly, that's how it was for many of us growing up, right?  Misbehaving kids were taken out of church or parties or other gatherings where adults were present, ushered off to another room, and given enough swats to get his attention.  Everyone saw it happening.  At least when I was growing up, adults just didn't try at all to hide the fact that misbehavior led to spankings.  Teachers sent bad boys to the principal's office, and everyone knew what was happening.  Sometimes, they were just taken out of class and spanked in the hallway, where everyone could hear it going on.

Today as adults who are in consensual relationships involving corporal punishment, very few of us are subject to discipline as openly as Spanked Cowboy.  And, I wonder sometimes whether that reflects a certain lack of "reality" in the "discipline" part of DD.  If we were really trying to bring about real and lasting behavioral change, wouldn't the prospect of public humiliation be a pretty big weapon in Her disciplinary arsenal?  Wouldn't most of us be on our very best behavior every single time we were out with her in public if we knew the alternative might be to be ushered off to another room for a spanking that everyone could overhear?


But, what about something where the risk of someone overhearing is not 100%, but still enough to crank up the embarrassment and humiliation factor?  A few days ago, I was going through my collection of spanking-related art and "tagging" by subject or theme to make it more easily searchable by subject, and I started noticing just how prevalent the theme is of being spanked in front of an open window or door.

While some of the prevalence probably is attributable simply to the artistic choice to include a window in a bedroom scene, others definitely play up the semi-public nature of a spanking given at home but in front of a window or door that might allow someone else to see.  And, for at least some of the people who are into this lifestyle, the combination of domestic setting but openness to public exposure seemed to be part of the attraction. For example, the Disciplinary Wives Club's website displayed a drawing of a "peeping tom" witnessing a domestic spanking scene.

And, it's not like a full-blown spanking is required to raise the prospect of public or semi-public humiliation in an FLR relationship.  A lecture could be more than sufficient in displaying to the neighbors who is in charge.
Do those kinds of scenes play any role in your DD or FLR relationship?  Are you ever spanked in front of an open window or other semi-private place that still might allow a neighbor or curious passer-by to see what is going on?  If not a part of the reality of your DD or FLR relationship, should it be?  Would the threat make you more likely to behave?

I hope you all have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please take a moment to visit our Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship.

61 comments:

  1. Just a quick comment on your topic dilema. I suggest you feel free to recycle some of your earlier topics. Quite a bit of your readership will have found this forum since you posted on some issues and of course events and reflections can move on. So for me recycle away. Cheers Good Life Mickey.

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    1. Thanks, GLM. I generally agree. It is nice to have a genuinely new topic every once in a while, but after 3+ years, it probably isn't realistic to think it will happen very often.

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    2. Or, I should say, it isn't realistic as long as the focus of the blog remains DD-oriented relationships, and I don't plan to change that. So, recycled content will probably be a reality.

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    3. Dan,

      You do a fine job of curating the content here. Personally, I don't think "recycling" needs to even be an issue. No matter what interest, society, or philosophy, a group shares they have to go over similar/same subject matter over time. In many ways it's a desirable thing. It helps to hear things over again even if the new versions are only slightly different.

      I don't know how many times I have listened to the same Bob Dylan and Louis Armstrong recordings.

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    4. Good point. And, I do like Louis Armstrong.

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    5. Of course you do. Satchmo's music is a rare and special beauty. Talk about touching your soul :)

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  2. I'm only disciplined at home, in private. Misbehavior generally doesn't play into it - just enjoying(?) the experience of my wife's authority.
    It's unlikely the neighbors could see in, though more possible they'd hear the swats. Her hairbrushes and spatulas can be kind of noisy.
    And if they figured out what was happening, I'd hope they'd also hear my um... vocalizations as well. I certainly wouldn't want anything to think my wife was the one in pain!
    If I may throw out a related question - what do people think are the quietest implements?
    CrimsonKing

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    1. Thanks, CK. I would imagine the cane is the quietest but we have never had any luck with it and my wife has no interest in using it. The Loopy Johnny is also very quiet.

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  3. I agree about recycling content, particularly only the current weeks topic really receives any activity, so we might well have good discussion about a topic from several years back, but now with different readers and different perspectives.

    -ZM

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    1. At our last place my wife used to love applying the cane while I was leaned over the deck porch. It was also a private, rural location. But I still hated the potential for a public sighting - even as I said it was a very a remote possibility.

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    2. ZM -- probably true. Though it may become very boring for the true regulars.

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    3. Hi Tomy. Right, even a slight increase in someone observing it seems to ramp up the feeling of danger or humiliation.

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  4. I feel I should comment here as long as it was my public spanking story that help to prompt this week's blog. I do believe the threat of public embarrassment is a deterrent to poor behavior. On the other part of this week's questions, yes, even at home, I have been spanked outdoors, in our barn, the back deck and when inside it usually is in front of the glass patio doors in our bedroom. We do live in a rural area and the likely hood of a stranger, or even a family member, happening by is rare; but the threat is present. As to others hearing a spanking, I will relate this story..... We were at a friends home where there were both lifestyle and vanilla guests. We were to help with a project they were doing the next day. On the way we had car trouble and had to be towed and they picked us up at the garage. I was upset by the car trouble and was loudly grumbling of how I had to cancel our help the next day to attend to the vehicle. Finally she had heard enough and led me to an adjacent room. She lectured and scolded me about how good friends were more important than material things and said I was getting spanked. We had no implements so she said to give her my belt and remove my jeans and underwear. She belted me long and hard and the unmistakable sound of leather meeting bare skin echoed loudly. When I had dressed and returned to join the others, the reactions were priceless. The lifestyle folks just nodded or winked at me. The vanillas displayed looks of shock, disbelief and questionable faces. I even had to apologize to the hostess who said, she, like everyone else had heard my strapping, but she wished she could have seen it. No one saw anything but it was one of my most embarrassing spankings.

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  5. Often times the spanking is given in the dining area in front of the deck door. Our house sits up high enough that I'm not worried about anyone seeing in. Several weeks ago we did have a session out in the " woodshed. ". The walk out was ok but on top of a severe paddling being given I was truly concerned about our neighbors hearing it all. A couple years ago while we were in Disney , she was delivering penance with the curtains open. I could see people walking by and looking in. Dev noticed it too but continued on until her points were made.

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    1. Hi JR. You know how envious I am of woodsheds. I don't want to get spanked, but if it has to happen, I wish we had a woodshed for her to make me to.

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  6. Hi Dan. My wife and I are naturists we becomes problematical when I deserve a sorting out just before we go to our community. The cane leaves welts. In the past she has branded me deliberately and that exposure to our friends taught me to be very careful leading up to departure time

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    1. We are nudist as well and when we visited our resort or other resorts, there have been times when tell tale signs of a spanking have been visible on my butt. A lot of our nudist friends are a bit kinky so most understoon and vary rarely was anything ever said.

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    2. Hi Coastriders. I wonder if there is any instrument that is both (a) effective; and (b) doesn't leave marks. I'm not aware of any

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    3. The ones that don't leave marks on my poor bottom are the ones that don't really hurt. I try not to let my wife know they don't hurt because she will resort to the cane. Ouch. At our naturist community it is quite interesting to look for tell tell marks amongst the folks. And believe me you see it

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Joseph, Susan, what the hell ever you are calling yourself today -- go away. I am so tired of your repetitive blathering.

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    3. Susan isn't Susan. Susan is Joseph. Except when she's Tim or John or Sean or whatever Joseph decides to call himself that week. He changes his name often, but his blathering remains the same. "I did something that happens to sort of relate to this week's topic. She then said some quip about women being in control. Then she spanked me. It stung on my bare bottom. I was then put against a wall and some of her friends came in." Or for some variation, she pulled him out of the shower. It stung his bare butt.

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  9. Hi Dan. Maybe this has been addressed before as I'm still new here. What is your wife's demeanor like when she gives a spanking ? There are times when Dev is in a good mood before , during and after one. She approached it like any other chore that needed done then moved on. Other times when I'm in serious trouble she is angry and very stern and the paddling is more severe. Since she's been viewing this page she now does maintenance spankings and usually has a brush in her purse for when we're out and about.

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    1. It varies. Sometimes stern, but because there is often a pretty substantial time gap between the crime and the punishment, whatever initial anger she had has usually cooled by the time it happens. It's often like you're describing with your Dev -- just another chore. I would honestly prefer that she be more stern more often, as I think it would help me get into a more contrite mindset.

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  10. The girlfriend who introduced me to domestic discipline seemed to enjoy administering discipline outside. So over a period of several years, I was spanked on the deck (at dark) in front of a picture window (several times) in the woods off of a hiking trail and in the backseat of a car (at least twice) These, as I remember them were not particularly severe spankings and probably did not make much noise but I remember thinking throughout them how easily we could be seen or heard if someone happened by and my embarrassment was off the charts. But the one outdoor spanking I remember most was the one that surprised me the most. It was a serious punishment and she was mad. Afterward I found out it was also something she had thought about doing so to some extent it was planned. She had an aluminum utility shed behind the house and after telling me I was in trouble, she led me out to it vigorously smacking my bottom through pants and underpants on the way out. The houses in her neighborhood were close together and any of her neighbors looking out could have seen it. Once inside the shed she made me take off all my clothes, gave me a brisk hand spanking while still scolding, told me to put my ass in the corner and keep it there and then taking all my clothes with her wen back in the house. She left me there for what seemed like an hour but was probably less before returning with a large paddle she rarely used (actually her hard wood sorority paddle), made be bend over a small table and gave me at least 75 smacks as hard as she could. The sounds of that paddle could certainly be heard outside the shed and so could I. Finished she put me back in the corner, and both she and her paddle departed. About 10 minutes later she returned and told me I was free to leave the shed and go back into the house but without my clothes. It was only about 100 feet to her back deck and I actually thought about it but instead waited until dark ( about an hour) to sneak back in. She had a glass of wine waiting for me and told me she thought I had learned a very important lesson. I did and I never really forget it. It was certainly one of the most effective spanking I ever received. I have told my wife about it and she has threatened a repeat but so far it hasn’t happened.

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  11. DAN

    A few years ago Anna and I took a cruise around the Hawaiian Islands for a week. It was to be our first
    ever vacation without the boys. We had only recently instituted DD into our relationship. Both of us were
    excited about having some alone time. The second night at sea I had more than a few cocktails and got more than a little rowdy and managed to embarrass and annoy Anna. Enough so that she curtly said to me she would see me in our room. Her tone let me know if I wanted to enjoy the rest of the cruise I would make my way back to our suite at once.
    When I walked in Anna held out her hand and demanded I remove my belt. I did at once, with my pants around my ankles she delivered 100 of her best. I was begging towards the end to stop and perhaps even cursing. When she was done she put on her shoes and left the suite to take a walk around the deck.
    As I tried to gather my wits I took a bottle of water and went out onto the balcony of our room. Leaning on
    the railing my mind was replaying the scene when the man in the suite next to us leaned over and said
    good nite. That was all he said and chuckled as he shut the door to his balcony.
    When I came down to have breakfast there was Anna having coffee and chatting with the man from next door and his wife. He was a true gentleman and never mentioned a word. He did however give me a wink and nod as he got up that morning. I behaved for the rest of our cruise. As I relate this little tale I am realizing that a part of me is somewhat aroused that a total stranger knows my secret.
    Peter

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    1. Hi Peter. I totally understand. For me at least, there is something a little arousing about someone else knowing, including someone I don't know overhearing. Of course, it is possible that people who I do know, namely our neighbors, do know. Unlike yours, our bedroom is not soundproof, and for all I know someone has heard me yelling and moaning. If so, they have all been as gentlemanly as the man on your cruise.

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  12. While as far as I know no vanilla person has seen me getting a spanking, the UPS guy has seen me naked standing in the corner with a bright red bottom

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  13. On the question of what topics you may post for discussion could I be presumptuous and give you some issues that have caused me to consider how they should be dealt with in my ongoing relationship with my hubby. You may have already had these as themes in the past but as Good Life Mickey and ZM say maybe recycling would be good.

    Ok so here I go with a few of my dilemmas:

    • How should a DD/FLR relationship deal with resentment from either side? The leader may resent having to spend too much time disciplining her man or he may resent being punished unfairly or too hard (in his opinion)

    • How is the issue of trust resolved if one or the other have concerns about trust?

    • In our life there are always the two life styles competing a) my control over my hubby’s behavior and b) the reality of life – daily career responsibilities, family, emergencies, etc. How should these be dealt with? Is the DD/FLR more of a scene playing life with “normal” life taking center stage most of the time or is it the reverse?

    • Regardless of all the fantasy there are times when one or the other absolutely does not feel like playing their role in the DD/FLR relationship. At these times what method, if any, should be adopted to create a “time out” situation?

    • Should a DD/FLR be based on sexuality or should sex be separated from true punishment?

    • I believe in nurturing, loving after care after I have whipped my hubby but is this the general belief?

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    1. These are good suggestions. Thanks, Tina!

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    2. Hi Dan could I add one more possible topic, that personally intrigues me, about the DD/FLR relationship?

      The whole area of DD and FLR involves major psychological and emotional feelings between the participants and the actual act of a wife/partner spanking their husbands and causing intentional pain - seems the antithesis of a loving relationship. Has the introduction of a DD/FLR resulted in a deeper love and respect between the partners or has it merely created a responsibility for the wife/partner to try to satisfy a desire of the hubby? Have the lives of the partners been brought more closely together or has the implementation of discipline over the longer period become no more than a chore to the wife/partner?

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    3. Tina, you have brought up some topics that my wife and I are very interested in because we live in these grey areas day by day. The normal life vs DD life for instance . Dan I'm guessing you gave discussed these before but I'm also guessing there are many new couples to your valuable blog. Thank you for the forum

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    4. Hi Coasstriders:

      Thanks for your comment. It makes me feel good that other couples are encountering the same dilemmas as us. Like you, I'd like to thank Dan for administering this forum especially since it seems to encourage quite sincere dialog. Thanks Dan!

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  14. What an interesting topic. We moved recently from a very rural location and my wife was almost paranoid about attending to my disciplinary needs behind drawn curtains, even though it was only the cows in the fields who would catch sight of my punishment. Unless of course there was a lonely walker with excellent eyesight!

    We have since moved to a small development where our bedroom - the most normal scene for correction - looks out over the road. We also have a rear window. My behaviour soon after we moved (apparently) needed some attention and as is usual I ended up, bare from the waist and prostrate over the end of the bed WITH THE CURTAINS OPEN! I mumbled my concern to which she replied that they (any neighbours) had better get used to anything that they might be nosy enough to see, and proceed to give me a solid session with strap and cane.

    I have no idea what has changed but the experience has helped me think more than twice about encouraging a repeat, even though I am (reasonably) sure that nobody saw the events in that bedroom. TB

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    1. TB's note above and several other comments plus my own experiences with semi public or "exposed spankings" ( no UPS driver so far but a grinning sister in law several times)make me reflect on how effective they are in terms of making me think about my behavior. My wife taking my pants down or putting me over her knee is embarrassing but the few times I have been exposed in public have been deeply embarrassing ( even though no one saw it as far as I know excepting my sister in law)In the bad old days the bad guys used to be punished in public and maybe the old timers knew something in doing so. I remain convinced that DD relationships and especially punishment should be carried out in private.But there is something about public punishment or the threat of it that draws me to attention like nothing else.
      Alan

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    2. Hi Alan. We do all have our own individual things that get our motors running, don't we? Public punishment does do something for me, though not nearly as much as the whole woodshed fantasy.

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    3. Hi TB. That is a very interesting and perplexing change.

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  15. Outdoor play to me has always been exciting and adventurous. I love the thrill of being completely exposed (at least he is) with that excitement and undercurrent that someone may see us - but having said that I am always ridiculously careful that no one would see us. There are several reasons for this security but it is mainly that I do not believe I have the right to try to impose our lifestyle on unsuspecting members of the public who may not have any appreciation of the consensual nature of our FLR relationship. If I spanked my hubby in a public place there would be the risk that children and/or adults present would be offended. If a child is spanked in public these days the police and social services would be immediately called. A woman being spanked in public would result in accusations of abuse. A man having his pants taken down for a public spanking may cause some initial amusement in this era of "girl power" but it would still be met with resentment by those who feel it entirely inappropriate. In addition to the public acceptance reason, I never wanted to humiliate Tim in a public place. I enjoy the natural humiliation of him having to kneel in front of me, presenting me with an implement, taking him bare bottomed over my knee or having him bend over the end of the bed for a hard spanking or caning - but that is between us – not the world. Sometimes (on purpose) one (or more) of my cane strokes may find its way too low on his thighs leaving a nice exposed welt - this is always an interesting challenge for him when he is wearing shorts or a bathing suit but it serves as a reminder for him to behave.
    Having said this, I have enjoyed on many occasions taking him to secluded public places such as the woods off of the interstate, cutting a switch, have him lower his pants and ordering him across a tree trunk or stump for a whipping. It is even more sensuous for me and, he freely admits exciting for him as well to be out in the open. We always are very careful but there is always the reality that when out in the open it may be a possibility we could be seen by others. One occasion in particular comes to mind. On a long car trip he said something in the car that made me really angry. I simply said “your comment was entirely inappropriate and unwarranted and you will be punished” but at that time I did nothing more. We traveled on for another couple of hours stopping for a chatty lunch but after all anger had left me I made a plan. I ordered him to turn down a country road off the interstate until I saw a five bar gate, complete with a no trespassing sign. Although the road was fairly deserted there was still the chance that a car may drive by or the owner of the property might appear out of nowhere, but I still ordered him out of the car, to lower his pants and bend over the gate. I selected a switch from a nearby willow tree and whipped his bare bottom firmly. I kept my ears open for a car engine or someone approaching on foot, but neither came. We both agreed later that the punishment had been very effective and exciting.
    Overall I believe a spanking should not be delivered immediately after the offense. I think that for him to go through the day (or more) thinking about his impending punishment is far more effective than an on the spot spanking. That way I have time to think about how long, with what implement and the severity of the punishment without the time constraints of doing something immediately - especially in public , which would involve bearing his backside etc. I don't believe I can get the total effect I need, for both of us, if the punishment is impromptu and rushed. We abide by our domestic discipline contract which says that no punishment will be delivered in anger, and this works for us.

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    1. Hi Tina. I think you make a VERY good point about not imposing this lifestyle on other people. Particularly anywhere that kids might be around. Thank you for reminding us of that.

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    2. In addition, if you are caught in public, it may constitute an act of assault and battery as many states do not accept consent as a defense, and if you husband is partially naked, it could result in a charge of indecent exposure. In recent years, indecent exposure has been treated as a sex crime in some states, leading people who are convicted of it to be placed on the sex offender registry.

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  16. I especially appreciate Tina's thoughtfulness about exposing our little fetish activities to a public who do not wish to see things like that, would likely not understand it, and could possibly be offended. And as she also mentioned; it could bring unwanted scrutiny from people in different authority positions with legal powers.

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    1. And I wanted to add that I have been acquainted with someone who had zero sense of boundaries on matters like that. He was an offensive individual who thoughtlessly imposed discussion of his personal lifestyle on just about anyone he came into contact with.

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  17. I'm not sure what I can add to this that I haven't already written about before. Suffice it to say that for me witnesses.....whether visual or just via overhearing.....are definitely an added embarrassment, and not something I am unaccustomed to. Much of the embarrassment however, is rooted in the 'misbehavior' though. I have also participated in semi-fun spankings in all sorts of settings with other people around and once you take out the embarrassment of having been caught doing something wrong and subsequently being spanked for it, the act itself even with witnesses, is more like painful, exhibitionist 'fun'.

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    1. I have been spanked by other women with Aunt Kay in the room and by her under the same circumstances. Also in what I would describe as a social "living room situation with men and women in the room.


      My experience was that if it was a hard spanking, I lost awareness of there being anyone in the room. If it was more on the light/social side I guess I would have to concur with KD about finding it more on the exhibitionist/fun side.

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    2. Hi KD. I can understand the embarrassment being rooted in the misbehavior. Thinking it through, I think being lectured by wife in front of someone would be worse than being spanked.

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    3. Actually, that is exactly how it is for me. Rosa doesn't do it too often, but she has .....and I am sure will again....... give me a blunt warning in front of people we know, or even in public if she wants me to behave. I think my knowing she definitely will follow through on these warnings makes me change whatever I'm doing and I guess when others see me fold like that.....I will tend to blush. (And I don't blush easily.)

      Those little scenes of authority, with me obviously meekly backing down under threat of a spanking, seem to resonate powerfully with certain 'friends in the know' who are present as witnesses, with Marta probably being the best example.

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    4. PS.....there's a topic for you! In looking at a lot of the comments, there is a theme of satisfaction at the ability to get a spouse to 'back down' merely by issuing a warning. Perhaps that could be explored a bit more? There HAS to be a powerful rush for our ladies in wielding that kind of power.

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  18. The first and most memorable witnessed spanking was when I spanked him, pants and undies at his ankles, in front of his first vanilla personal trainer the first time. She and I had sort of arranged it ahead of time. First time she had seen anything like that, and hubby was not in on it at all. Total surprise. He actually begged me to be allowed to keep his pants up in front of her! Ha ha! He was so embarrassed that first time! He got a hairbrushing across my knee for not keeping his food diary, and she was the one to suggest that I be sure to spank him on the backs of his legs as well. By the time I was done, I was quite sure she had seen everything there was to see of him, as if she was his Doctor. Looking back on it from my blog, I started spanking him in October 2011, and this took place in November. What can I say? Precocious gal!

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  19. Hi Dan,

    Don't know if this counts, as it hasn't happened but...

    We are on vacation and staying at a place in close proximity to kids and my wife's family, so discipline is difficult here - but I've been on my best behavior. However yesterday I did sonething to annoy her and she said:
    "If that happens again we'll take a little walk out to the woods, I'll find a switch and you’ll drop your pants and bend over for me." She has never suggested anything like that before so I was surprised. I said:
    "No, you wouldn't do that."
    She reached around and tapped my butt a couple of times and said:
    "Don't test me."
    I wouldn't like it, but it does excite me a bit that she would even think about it. She has been getting more in to the FLR thing recently now that she can see the benefits, and has even taken to wearing the key on a chain around her neck when she tells me to wear the chastity device.
    Fantastic forum, thanks!

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  20. Hello Dan, I'm sure there has been some accidental exposure in the past. My ex-wife told our best friends about our relationship which was embarrassing since we saw them a lot since we shared a vacation home. The only comment made by friends wife was she told me she spanked all their boys. Didn't know what to reply. Just last week a female friend came to visit our new home and was touring our bedroom and saw a paddle hanging over the back of one our chairs and I could see she saw it but she didn't mention anything. It seems the older I get the less I care about people finding out. John

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  21. I deserve every (though infrequent) bare ass paddling I get from a very good wife---We both seem to know at the same time when I got a paddfling coming no disagreement----Unlike these pictues it is totally private no one lese know or would even suspect--I get my naked paddled once in a while----I just shower real quick and the bend over the bath tub and hold my hands flat on the bottom of the bath tub and she paddles my naked butt and it hurts like crazy. then things are once again real good between us---No one else knows After I just lie on my belly and my bare butt hurts badly---

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    1. So, this has to be like the 30th fucking time you have posted this exact same scenario. And, it is also the last. If you have something original to say, please submit it. Otherwise, this particular version of blowing a fart at my blog and calling it expressive is done.

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