Saturday, July 22, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 215 - Resources

A woman in love will do almost anything for a man, except give up the desire to improve him.
Nathaniel Branden. (US psychologist)

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a good week.  Mine was busy.  A little too busy, and it hasn't ended yet.  My business is project-oriented, and it can be feast or famine.  Just a few weeks ago I was whining that I didn't have much to do, and now I'm so busy I can't see straight.  Seldom is there a happy medium.  I've also been having some employee issues.  One in particular involves a very headstrong guy who has a lot of great qualities, maturing not being among them.  At forty years-old, he's still locked firmly in "Bro" culture, with one foot in the professional world and one firmly in the world of college frat boy culture.  He's one of those guys who could really profit from a steady relationship with a woman wielding a big paddle.  But, unless you happen to get "lucky" and end up with a woman who introduces you to such things, you need to have at least enough self-awareness to realize you need help with goals, boundaries, maturity, etc. and then you have to make the move to ask someone to help you attain those things.  Unfortunately, this guy is not remotely self-aware enough to even own up to the havoc his immaturity and judgment issues wreak on himself on those around him.  So, I suspect his life may become a series of very hard lessons.  Which is maybe an irony about these DD relationships versus something more vanilla.  Some may recoil from DD because it seems harsh or the consequences of breaking the rules are just too painful.  But, it is a pain with a finite start and end.  In contrast, an undisciplined lifestyle can result in all sorts of long-term pain and angst and negative personal and professional career impact. The same thing obviously applies to the overall relationship.  Lots of non-DD couples are living Thoreau's lives of "quiet desperation," grinding their way through simmering resentment and hurt feelings, while most who have tried DD report that one of the key benefits is problems are dealt with quickly, then the couple moves on.  So, do you want your pain now and all in one dose, or long and slow and grinding? 

After that philosophical lead in, I'm going to go in the opposite direction for this week's topic and keep it very grounded.  TB brought up the issue of FM fiction and suggested a topic involving the best sources for it. I'll expand that a little.  Do you have favorite blogs, websites or books that have inspired or guided you when it comes to DD or FLR relationships?  I admit that most of the stuff I've found out there is pretty dreadful, to the point that I've thought about writing my own "how to" book, though I've never found the time to do it.  I don't spend a lot of time with DD-related fiction, because again I don't have a lot of free time, and I haven't found much out there that is worth the little time I have. But, I do think that  some of it can serve a purpose beyond entertainment.  I have sent a lot of DD-oriented journal entries to my wife over the years, but I've noticed that when I have sent along some DD-oriented fiction that seems to illustrate the severity or tone I wish for, she seems to respond more than when I just say it directly in a journal or even face-to-face.

Anyway, as I said, my own list is not extensive, but here are a few thoughts on resources I may not have referred to before or in awhile:
  • The "real" DWC website:
  • Spanking Life:  I recently ran across this.  The stories are a little repetitive and only some of it is DD or FLR themed, but there are a few I liked.
  • The Hesitant Mistress (this book is probably the most realistic book I've found on setting up a real world FLR)
What about you?  Are there particular blogs, websites or books that have been particularly helpful, or entertaining, for you or your spouse as you explore and experiment?

I hope you have a good week. 

Saturday, July 15, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 214 - Before the Event - Anticipation and Attitude

"I am an old man and have experienced many troubles over my life, most of which never happened." - Mark Twain (or Seneca, or Thomas Jefferson or . . .)

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.  I hope you had a good week.

Mine was one of those where I feel like I was going non-stop, yet I didn't get much done.  In some ways, I think I did accomplish some "big picture" things or at least laid the groundwork for them, but I didn't get around to a lot of the day-to-day work projects that I really need to get done.  So, another weekend may be spent catching up instead of recovering.  My own fault to some extent.

We had a good discussion last week, all extending from a fairly simple topic about spanking in front of a window.  I want to thank Tina for reminding us all that while being spanked in public may be arousing to the participants, it may not be to accidental observers.   It's a very good point that sometimes gets lost in this age of social media where everyone shares everything and just kind of assumes that others want to be exposed to it all.  While I do think my wife and I have been perhaps a little too guarded about our DD relationship, I think it is one thing to consider exposing your own family to knowledge of the fact of a DD relationship, and quite another to simply impose it on others in a very graphic and visual way.

Tina also offered several topic ideas, and Anna sent me another. Two of them kind of overlapped, focusing in one way or another on sex, eroticism or arousal in DD.  I do want to work those topics in from time to time, and this week's topic probably touches on them, but when I looked back at past topics, we had done some closely related topics fairly recently.  I do agree with the commenters who voiced supported for recycling content, but I do want to try to space things out at least a bit.  But, as I said I think this week's topic has the potential to work in those themes, as well as some bits and pieces of Tina's other suggestions.
As the title suggests, this week's topic is about what happens in our heads before the actual event of a disciplinary spanking.  To varying degrees, you all obviously have a fascination with the "idea" of a real disciplinary spanking--otherwise you wouldn't have come searching for this content or return here week after week--but what happens when the idea becomes reality in that most concrete of fashions, i.e. you did something wrong, she has ordered a spanking, and you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it is going to happen? Is the excitement or arousal now replaced with dread?  If it's not, is that a sign that what is being delivered is not truly disciplinary or is not functioning as true punishment?  Is there also some resentment if you feel the punishment exceeds the crime, and is that a thought that would occur to you at all when you are just thinking about DD in the abstract?  In other words, don't we often say we want our Wives to be more strict, more severe, less forgiving, but then do those aspirations quickly dissipate as soon as she takes it there for real?

And what about our Disciplinary Wives?  Are they anticipating the event with some glee at the prospect of giving him what he has coming?
Or, is it more business-like?  Just rolling up her sleeves and taking care of a job that needs to be done? Or, to take that a step further and weave in another of Tina's questions, is it a somewhat annoying chore?

These themes are on my mind this morning, because last night after I got home from a business trip, she announced that I could expect a spanking some time today.  And, yes, as usual I have gone from wanting this lifestyle and wanting it more strict, more severe, more 24/7, to really wanting to avoid the whole thing.  And, that has been the entire history of our DD relationship, craving being a disciplined right up until that moment that is going to really happen.  The quote from Mark Twain above illustrates how a true DD relationship really is a little outside the norm, because while many men spend their lives worrying about all sorts of bad things that never end up happening,  we disciplined husbands may spend a good bit of time worrying about the prospect of painful events that are likely to become all too real!

I hope you all have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please take a moment to leave a comment in the Guestbook (tab above), telling us about your DD lifestyle or aspirations.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 213 - Windows and Other Embarrassments

 Man is the only animal that blushes.  Or needs to.  -- Mark Twain

 Hello all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was filled with quite a bit of misbehavior.  Though, because of some family things, I doubt any of it will get the punishment it deserves.

And, once again, I'm not feeling particularly inspired.  I think at some point I'm going to have to concede that there really are only so many topics to explore when it comes to something like Domestic Discipline, and I'm going to have to either get comfortable with recycling them every week, or decide that the blog has run its natural course.  Though, some of this probably is just lack of inspiration and, honestly, laziness. But more the former than the latter, I think.  Inspiration can come and go in a flash.  This morning, I spent 30 minutes trying to come up with a topic.  Then another 30 trying to find a good quote for it. I failed in the latter, gave up, started to write, and then all of a sudden I remembered a quote I like that at least sort of fits.  Sometimes it works that way.

This week I borrowed some inspiration from one of last week's comments.  Spanked Cowboy talked about how his former disciplinarian believed firmly in spanking immediately after the offense.  If bad behavior happened in public, he was punished in public. 

Honestly, that's how it was for many of us growing up, right?  Misbehaving kids were taken out of church or parties or other gatherings where adults were present, ushered off to another room, and given enough swats to get his attention.  Everyone saw it happening.  At least when I was growing up, adults just didn't try at all to hide the fact that misbehavior led to spankings.  Teachers sent bad boys to the principal's office, and everyone knew what was happening.  Sometimes, they were just taken out of class and spanked in the hallway, where everyone could hear it going on.

Today as adults who are in consensual relationships involving corporal punishment, very few of us are subject to discipline as openly as Spanked Cowboy.  And, I wonder sometimes whether that reflects a certain lack of "reality" in the "discipline" part of DD.  If we were really trying to bring about real and lasting behavioral change, wouldn't the prospect of public humiliation be a pretty big weapon in Her disciplinary arsenal?  Wouldn't most of us be on our very best behavior every single time we were out with her in public if we knew the alternative might be to be ushered off to another room for a spanking that everyone could overhear?

But, what about something where the risk of someone overhearing is not 100%, but still enough to crank up the embarrassment and humiliation factor?  A few days ago, I was going through my collection of spanking-related art and "tagging" by subject or theme to make it more easily searchable by subject, and I started noticing just how prevalent the theme is of being spanked in front of an open window or door.

While some of the prevalence probably is attributable simply to the artistic choice to include a window in a bedroom scene, others definitely play up the semi-public nature of a spanking given at home but in front of a window or door that might allow someone else to see.  And, for at least some of the people who are into this lifestyle, the combination of domestic setting but openness to public exposure seemed to be part of the attraction. For example, the Disciplinary Wives Club's website displayed a drawing of a "peeping tom" witnessing a domestic spanking scene.

And, it's not like a full-blown spanking is required to raise the prospect of public or semi-public humiliation in an FLR relationship.  A lecture could be more than sufficient in displaying to the neighbors who is in charge.
Do those kinds of scenes play any role in your DD or FLR relationship?  Are you ever spanked in front of an open window or other semi-private place that still might allow a neighbor or curious passer-by to see what is going on?  If not a part of the reality of your DD or FLR relationship, should it be?  Would the threat make you more likely to behave?

I hope you all have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please take a moment to visit our Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship.