Saturday, May 20, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 207 - Chores, Sloppiness, Etc.

An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes. - Earl Wilson (1907-1987) US newspaper columnist

Hi all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a great week.

Mine was more than a little unproductive.  Work wasn't very busy, which can be good every once in awhile, but there seems to be this near unbreakable pattern in which if I have 20 things on my to-do list I accomplish all 20, but if I have 2 then I don't get to either of them.  We also had a wave of colds and minor illnesses sweep through the family.  So, we are all feeling more than a little cranky, tired and, in my case, uninspired.  Which means there will be nothing particularly profound for this week.  Not that last week's was much better.  I had a lot of second thoughts about going down the "tell me your fantasies" road, particularly at a time in which one of my biggest blogging frustrations is the little pest who keeps farting at my blog with his repetitive "She spanked my bottom, and then she said something pithy about a wife spanking her husband, and then she made me face the wall, and then some of her friends dropped by and I was embarrassed and my bottom hurt." Over and over and over.  And, he's now leaving the same inane drivel on Kathy's Femdom 101 blog and KD's blog and Hermione's, using two or three different names, both male and female.  It's enough to make me want to remove all the links to other blogs, since the trolls seem to start here, then when I take down their content they follow the trail of links to pollute all the other blogs I like and respect.  But, in the end it didn't get out of hand and we did get a few thought-provoking threads going.

CrimsonKing brought up wanting to integrate Domestic Discipline into more of his everyday life and to help him meet goals, and also more naked chores now that he is in the process of becoming an empty-nester.  I have learned that given the Millennial generation's general co-dependence and lack of desire for anything resembling independence, empty-nester status is more a process than an actual binary change of life status.  But, I envy him his change and hope it does, in fact, allow his wife to take more control.  I share his desire for incorporating DD and FLR into my life on more of a 24/7 basis.  Part of that is about accountability and how lack of it has ripple effects.  We tend to focus on large-scale problems, like my ongoing issues with moderating social drinking, but like the transition to empty-nester status, discipline tends to be an ongoing process, not an event.  When I'm undisciplined and sloppy in small, everyday areas, that can't help but spill over into bigger things. It's kind of like the "broken windows" approach to policing, in which crime prevention focuses on things like petty vandalism and graffiti, because those petty crimes degrade the neighborhood and give people less of a sense that the rules matter. 
Do you get punished for day-to-day things like failing to do chores, or not doing them to her standards?  What kind of failings lead to that result?  Are the areas in which you fail things that are important to her, to you, or to both?

We have not incorporated this into our lifestyle in a major way, to some extent because of the empty-nester issue.  We are getting closer to that stage, but it's not there yet, and there still are more times than not that we have other people in the house.  But, I do think that once we really have the house to ourselves, things may change.  I've talked about this before, but one incident that has stuck in my mind for a very long time involved one of the few occasions when I've been punished for not doing chores.  We split household tasks pretty evenly, though we cover different things based largely on respective competence and interest.  For example, she manages the bank accounts and pays the bills.  I handle investments and retirement accounts.  Where meals are concerned, she shops and cooks, while I clean up.  Most of these divisions of labor are things we drifted into over time, as opposed to something more formally assigned.  But, when we started experimenting with broadening our DD relationship into something that empowered her with real Head of Household status, one aspect she took to like the proverbial duck to water was assigning me more chores.

One of my chores has always been doing the dishes.  While I almost always do them, I also have a tendency to get distracted and to leave a few aspects of the job uncompleted.  For some reason, I had a string of incidents in which I forgot to clean out a rice cooker.  The third time it happened, she texted a picture of the cooker with the rice still in it the next day, and expressed her dissatisfaction in no uncertain terms.  That night, I was sitting at the kitchen table doing some work, and she walked in from her office.

"You were supposed to sweep the floor this weekend, right?"

"Yes, and I did."

"That's 'Yes, Ma'am.," she snapped.

Pointing to some dog hair on the hardwood floors that I had missed, she demanded, "Does this look "swept" to you?"

"I'm sorry.  I will fix it tonight," I responded somewhat distractedly, as my attention was still kind of on what I had been working on.

"You also left the closet door open again this morning.  You know the cat goes in there and tears things up when you leave the door open." (I do, by the way, hate that damn cat.  I sometimes can't help but wish our dogs were meaner and would take her out, but they are cowards and scurry away whenever she strolls through the house.  While my wife may be a budding HoH, in truth its the cat that really holds that status.)

"Did I?  OK.  I'll make sure I don't do it again."

She was having none of this, and also getting more angry that I wasn't really paying attention.

"So, you did a half-ass job on the floors, you left the closet door open repeatedly after I told you not to, and then there is the damn rice cooker.  Shut down your computer, and go to the basement.  You are going to get spanked."

I didn't respond at first, as I was more than a little surprised and what had just happened hadn't quite registered yet.  This hadn't happened before.

"What are you waiting for?" she demanded.  "Get down there, get out the tools, and get your pants off.  You are getting spanked, and I mean now."

And, that's what she did.  I thought since these were fairly small matters, it might be a fairly light spanking.  No such luck.  She thoroughly blistered my ass with a combination of the strap, the paddle and the bath brush.  As I collected myself when it was over, there was a small part of me that resented getting such a hard spanking for such "small" things, but I also felt a new respect for her and the first glimmerings of that "healthy fear" I had said I wanted.  The resentment and the respect were strangely intertwined, because it was the fact that she had spanked for things that were important to her but not necessarily to me that led to the twinge of resentment, but it also gave me that "healthy dose of fear" that I think is necessary for the DD relationship to be real.  More than just about any spanking she had given me for "bigger" issues, that one showed that she was really starting to embrace her HoH role and moving from enforcing rules we had agreed on to imposing rules and assigning consequences regardless of my own views on the matter.

How does she let you know when you've left something undone or poorly done one time too many?  Do you find that being disciplined for smaller things helps you correct bigger behavior problems or meet bigger, more challenging goals?

I hope you have a great week.  Get those chores done!  And, as always, if you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about your DD or FLR lifestyle or aspirations.

50 comments:

  1. We have something like that only we call them projects. By and large , I do get most accomplished. In all fairness , she does give me plenty of warnings prior to any action being taken. The big thing to her now is painting the bedroom. I don't mind the painting but all the prep work and furniture moving is a pain. She asked recently if I needed some special motivation? I said no and would get it done by summer. To date I have not been spanked for missing chores but it's always a possibility.

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    1. Hi JR. I agree with you -- painting itself isn't bad, but the set up is a time-consuming drag. But, sounds like you have an incentive to get it done!

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  2. Your "Broken Windows" analogy was perfect. When I know that when my wife is paying attention to the little details, problems in bigger areas are much less likely to come up. Wish I could claim that they never came up.

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  3. Same here, although as I said, it doesn't happen that often for us and her attention focuses more on the bigger issues.

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    1. It's GOT TO BE KARMA; or she's continuing to read this Blog. I don't know which. But I got one of those "broken windows" spankings yesterday. Things have been very mellow around here. But I got overly insistent about something yesterday and apparently, in my enthusiasm for my viewpoint, raised my voice.
      No. I didn't shout or get carried away. But it was enough for her to suspect I needed to be reined in. So into the bedroom, and hello to the strap!

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    2. It's interesting that you raise that issue in particular. I have recently been feeling generally less submissive, and I've been having a harder time than usual acknowledging her authority in subtle ways. Not raising my voice, but more along the lines of doing what she says but without the customer vocal acknowledgments like "Yes Ma'am." She is getting more comfortable making sure I do those things, reining me in as it were.

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    3. I know what you mean. I rarely feel "submissive." But I do feel obligated to be compliant per our lifestyle arrangement. My last post was a perfect example of that. The best word I have to describe my feelings as I headed to the bedroom was probably "indignant."

      But I shut up and did the right thing. Later I experienced the joy factor of being in our relationship and that special warmth that goes with it.

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  4. Every morning I have to get up first and make breakfast for my wife, which I bring her in bed. It is my responsibility to buy all the groceries, pay all the monthly bills and do the majority of the cooking. I also do all of the laundry and do everything with the car.
    I am expected to always have the kitchen clean and the dishwasher loaded after the evening meal. I have to keep the house clean and tidy and always take the trash out.

    If my wife is not happy with my endeavors then she will tell me what she is unhappy with and I'll be spanked. Sometimes she'll just spank me straight away, but if the children are around then she might just point out, say, a trash bag not taken out and say "That's five" and then I have to remind her on the punishment day the following week of how many swats have accumulated and she'll deal with it then.

    Sometimes she may set me a specific task and say "I want that done by tomorrow or you'll be spanked tomorrow night".

    It works really well!!

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    1. I find that last one -- "do it by [insert time] or you are going to get spanked" particularly helpful.

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  5. My wife and I are new to the FLM life. I am sumbissve at heart and she is naturally dominate so it has been a fairly seemless transition. We however are still try to find consistancy in this dynamic lifestyle. Regarding dicipline, we have a window of opportunity each Friday which is when she enforces dicipline. She records all infractions throughout the week and the on Fridays she will order me to the bedroom, pants down and her panties around my ankles. Yes she makes me wear her panties more than not and it is a must if I am out of chastity. She then begins to site of my infractions while I am in this humiliated state. She then orders me to bend over with my face in the matress and begins. She tells me how I did not meet her expectations on each smack and has me tell her that I understand and will not do it again. Repeated infractions get double smacks. She actually turned it up a notch this weak as her blows were more forceful than past weeks. Being new it is sometimes hard to know her expectations fully but we are learning it is key. Even if I make it a weak without infractions she will still spank me as a reminder of roles and my status. They just arent as severe.

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    1. Thanks, Michael and thanks for participating.

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  6. By the way. I am happy to have found your blog. I believe I be an acrive participant. I really e joy it :)

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  7. Hi Dan,
    My wife has not disciplined me for not completing chores to her satisfaction. I am disciplined when I display anger, disrespect or if I masturbate- these are the big issues that my wife does not tolerate.

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  8. Have enjoyed the posts here. My Bride usually spanks me only at my urging, sometimes pleading. Results remain disappointing results as she lacks enthusiasm and determination. As soon as the spanking (30 at most over 2 years) becomes "a bad idea" to me she stops. DD holds no interest to her so far. I remind her that I am willing to submit. Until she finds spanking me either fun or useful. I am still waiting to experience a "Proper Spanking". Topping from the Bottom is not fun and hashing not produced any appreciable results. Any suggestions to encouraging her? Thanks!

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  10. Proper. Im not sure how long or how deep/involved you are in your FLM. When I finally had the nerve to tell my wife, I came across an idea that seemed to work very well with introducing my wife to my desires. I started a blog just like this and made it private but gave her the address to read when she wanted. I started it 2 months ago and she reads it on a daily basis now. However, she embraced the while idea of leading our marriage and had to warm up and adjust to the idea of "domination" because she, like most have a preconceived notion of a Domme in black leather and whips which SHE will never become. The blog helped her understand my desires and the level of domination i wanted her to have over me. The bottom line is, not all women will embrace this idea but if they do, they will become the type of Domme that they are confortable with, not what we envision in our minds. As subs, we must be ok with this. I for one dont really like the spankings but she loves that control and power. She actually just took it to a new level yesterday. All I will say is that it involved a 7" dildo, the phrase "who is my bitch" for about 15 minutes followed buy 4hrs in a nit so comfortable butt plug. Trust me, it suprised me too. End of day, they will be the Domme they want to be and are comfortable being IMO. The blig may work as another form of communication. Just an idea.

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  11. Sorry for all the typos. I am using my mobile device...lol

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  13. Rosa is reasonable and direct, so handling a repeated problem or a job done poorly really depends on how she feels about that particular situation. I don't think it's any different than any managed situation............sometimes you have to make a point and take action and other times you just need to point out the problem. And sometimes it's more a matter of her mood rather than the objective shoddiness of the chore.

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    1. That all makes a lot of sense. And, when she has paddled me for things like chores or failing to do something, it has always been something I have been warned about repeatedly.

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  14. My chores are typically performed over the weekend and J. "prints" them on my bare backside with the martinet until I can recite them early on Saturday mornings after she finishes the breakfast I have to bring her to bed. The list (and the number of chores) is fairly predictable, and I am expected to perform them wearing an "abbreviated" attire that leaves my derrière exposed to any needed "reminders" with the kitchen spoon, the maple switch, the martinet or (sometimes) the leather belt.
    Such "reminders" are brisk but short, and are applied as required, independently of any lengthier -and sterner- chastising I may have earned (and deserved) during the course of the week.

    L.

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  15. Dan
    We bought a new home a few months ago. One of the things that drew us to it was the fact that off the master bedroom, there was a soundproof room that the previous owner used as a recording studio. Our
    boys bedrooms are on the other side of the house. This has slowly led us to what I call His Daily Reminder.
    This has allowed us to review the days events and before bed any punishments are delivered before sleep.
    I confess I have become more strict with this ability. I no longer accept filling the dish washer as doing the dishes. I expect dishes to be put away. This is just one example. If Peter says he will mow the lawn tomorrow trust me it had better be done before the sun sets. There are no reminders from me other than turning that bottom beet red. For some reason the lawn gets done the next day.
    I want Peter to do as he pleases. If he wants cocktails with the guys on friday after work that is fine with me. I only require an arrival time. My other condition is if he has had more than two drinks a cab is in order.
    Only once was I forced to go pick him up and embarrass him in front of his friends.
    Peter has traits like yours and since I have stopped accepting that behavior our lives work best.
    I would tell your wife to tighten the reigns. As I tell Peter if his boss asks for something I am sure
    he doesnt procrastiate.
    anna

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    1. Hi Anna! Our current house is in need of some upgrades and renovation. It might make sense to see what it would take to soundproof some room in it. I can understand how that opens up lots of opportunities for greater consistency.

      I agree that Peter and I seem to have some similar traits, and that being diligent and consistent in expressing lack of tolerance for them is important. She does seem to be tightening things up. After the twin spankings I posted about a couple of weeks ago, we had a pause because (a) my behavior was generally better (though not perfect); and (b) she got some virus that pushed DD off her to-do list for a couple of weeks. Last night, we had a dinner with friends, and she surprised me with a session shortly before we left, both as punishment for an argument we got in on Friday and as a "warning" to behave at dinner.

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    2. Dan
      I have found that when we are dining with couples that Peter has been rude with, a before the event caning just 4 seems to work.
      anna

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  16. My wife has not at this time assigned regular chores for me do other than to cook on Mondays and Thursdays. She does on occasion make out a honey do list which has very serious consequences if not completed by the date next to the task. Each one that is not completed is a separate spanking at a time she determines. I have had two sessions in one day and a third the next day, so I take that list very seriously. We are empty nesters so random spankings happen quite often.
    Frank

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    1. The tales from all you empty-nesters make me wonder why I keep aspiring to that status!

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  17. Tim is extremely helpful and very handy around the house. We have not found it necessary to establish specific chores since each of us do what is sensible at the time - for example if hubby is paying bills I’ll clear up after dinner. So I do not punish him for dereliction of chore duties. However we do work together completing projects and it is here that I have established certain rules. Normally we work together very effectively, the projects are generally fun and I have learned a lot of practical tips from Tim. However there are times when he is so anxious to complete a project that he forgets his place. His temper may rise and he begins to snap at me. This I will not accept. Recently we were repairing our patio chair set and he was getting furious. He dropped some special screws that rolled down a drain; he snapped a piece of wood he had carefully cut and as his temper rose he slipped with a screwdriver and cut his hand. I’d been warning him to calm down but he ignored me and snapped at me. Now I understand his frustration and I was, to a certain point, sympathetic but damaging his hand was enough – especially when he threw the screwdriver across the patio. I ordered him to stop and kneel in front of me. He was so mad that was the last thing he wanted to do but after further threats he knelt in front of me. I ordered him to hold his damaged hand out and I gently dressed it with ointment and a plaster as I lectured him about respect and patience. He calmed down but realized it was too late to avoid punishment. I instructed him to cut a piece of the 1”x 4” wood 24 inches long and took him inside. Once there I bared his bottom and turned it bright red with this new implement. He apologized and we continued with the project. The thrashing removed his anger and we completed the project successfully and with relaxed loving harmony.

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    1. Hi Tina. Very well handled. My wife and I have learned from frustrating experience that we just don't work well together on things like that, and my lack of patience is certainly part of the problem.

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    2. Hi Dan, I find the exchange in dialogue in your posts educational and fascinating – we are all so different even though we have a common theme. I completely understand that you may find having to control your patience a “frustrating experience” and as I tried to identify in my posting so does Tim. However this is at the very core of our DD relationship. It is the discipline exercised when his frustration affects the harmony of our marriage that brings him back to earth and makes him a better man. With respect I think that your wife is missing a great opportunity when she simply accepts that you do not work well together without exercising her right to demand your patience and respect. I would find it interesting if your wife could post her thoughts on this forum.

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    3. Dan

      Would love like Tina to see your wife's thoughts on all of this!

      Anna

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    4. Hi Anna and Tina. It's unlikely to happen. Blogging doesn't seem to be her thing. She does know about this blog, but I honestly don't know whether she ever visits it.

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    5. If the blog is of disinterest to her then that's how it is. But I have to agree with Tina and Anna that it would be interesting to get or hear about your wife's perspective on responding to a show of frustration or impatience with a spanking.

      Spanking as a response to poor attitude is just so appropriate! ---Lex

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  18. Having been living in a 24/7 DD relationship with her, I fairly well know my chores and duties and mostly get them done on time and to her satisfaction. However, there are times I slip up. She normally calls me to the location of the infraction to administer the discipline. Being kept nude, there is no order to drop pants, etc. I am to present and she begins the punishment. We have a list of infractions and each has its own 3 levels of discipline complete with the implement to be used. Mostly she uses the prescribed punishment, but she has the authority to change the number of strokes and or the implement at will. Most of my discipline spankings now are for behavior or foul language and of course I am maintenance spanked on a regular schedule.

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    1. Foul language -- now there is one that would leave me chronically sore

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    2. Most of my discipline spanking are for foul language. Forgetting things is also high.

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  19. I have never been spanked for failing to do chores but do get into trouble for arguing or disputing some of her suggestions .
    An recent example was when we were gardening together and she wanted a certain shrub moved somewhere else.I liked it where it was and refused to move it and more importantly criticizing her idea.
    The shrub is still in the same place but it still cost me a paddling.

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    1. I have pretty strong opinions where landscaping is concerned. Like you, I probably would have taken the paddling and counted it as a win.

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    2. The difference here is I would have taken the paddling and still had to move the shrub.

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    3. I would most certainly have had to move the shrub as well.

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    4. I'm sure its not over yet. The location of that shrub really bugs her and she brought it up again that I should move it.I stuck to my guns but this time was careful to stay calm and keep my response respectful .
      She knows how to get her own way so I'll have to tread carefully on this one.

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  20. Hey, I heard my name! Sorry - been away. Indeed, my bride does not discipline me for the minor things that I know annoy her. So my DD goal is to encourage her to become comfortable expressing herself that way, especially when we have more time alone.

    Hope you don't mind if I share two images from our trip. This was a painting outside our room:
    https://www.parkwestgallery.com/artwork-detail?ArtID=235326
    Very easy to imagine he's being comforted following a strict disciplinary session!
    And our coffee stirrers looked like this:
    http://img.21food.com/userimages/xywooden/xywooden$11610567.jpg
    Nothing odd there for most people, but we enjoyed a DD reminder with every cup of coffee!
    CrimsonKing

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  21. Chores are the only reason that I get my backside reddened. I have always had a habit of procrastinating household chores, especially when the deadline is not firm. I also have a tendency to under-estimatie how long a chore will take which can be a problem when I wait until the last minute to start it. This used to be a frequent cause of discord in our household. A marriage counselor suggested that my wife be more diligent about specifying a deadline when she asks me to do something, even if the deadline is arbitrary. My wife suggested that there needs to be a consequence when it isn't done by the deadline. I am the one that suggested the consequence be a spanking. My wife initially thought it was silly, but agreed to try it. At first, she was uncomfortable following through. Now, I am the only one that is uncomfortable when she decides to follow through.

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    1. I think that is something only you can decide. Sometimes when we do something wrong, even if we have fully accepted the gravity of the situation we want to be held accountable for it. Sounds like you may need that on this one. If so, personally think you should ask her to deal with it.

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  23. This weekend there was an incident that was chore related but not because a chore was not completed.
    My wife decided to clean all the windows and doors in the front of the house while I was tinkering in the back yard with my brand new pressure washer.
    She went inside and I used my pressure washer to clean the front step and interlock. ( my chore).
    Unfortunately the spray from the washer messed up the windows.
    I actually didn't notice the mess but my wife certainly did upon her return.
    I argued that she should have told me she washed the windows and I would have been more careful but offered to clean the windows again.
    She declined my offer and did the windows herself.
    When I went inside later I was expecting the paddle to be laid out but it wasn't and nothing more was said of it so I assume she agreed she was partly to blame.

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  24. I agree with Anna and Tina above and do similar. I will spank for chore related issues since it falls under the category of irresponsibility.
    I give my husband, at times, plenty of warnings but other times I don't. The reason is to keep him on his toes and it may not seem fair to some. My explanation is that I could spank, punish, discipline etc. after the first sign of forgetfulness but choose not too.
    The constant in the situation is that my husband knows that if he doesn't do what he supposed too or agrees too in the time that is allotted he either could or will be disciplined. Bottom line, do it or you'll either be warned and given another chance or don't do it and you may very well get a spanking.
    The lawn for instance is to be cut every week before Sat. a.m. and he's not rushing out at 9pm Friday night either. Therefor he will be spanked first thing Sat. am, or Friday night but this is one rule that there is no leniency. If he breaks it he WILL be spanked soundly!

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  25. I know I'm coming really late to this party, and I did a fair effort to get through the comments, but only managed half of them. If I may still offer my opinion, and rather bluntly: to me, what you describe you'd want as discipline actually sounds a lot more like a role affirmation spanking on the occasion of a bad conscience on your part. And I have to agree with your wife to not alter the punishment spankings to something you desire (even if it's something you don't like in the moment), not if you two roll the way you've described.
    A role affirmation spanking as you describe, the sort that slowly gets you soft-boiled and surrendered to her, on the other hand, can be really useful for the dynamic and help not engage in the behaviour you wish to curb. I find those make me all googly-eyed for my man and eager to please him. In our house, role affirmation spankings are more carrot than stick, and as such work differently than the punishment ones, which are stick (or rather paddle, bath brush or loopy) only...

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