Saturday, March 25, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 199 - Marking & Admirning


Strong women intimidate boys and excite men. -- unknown

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.

First, a shout-out to a fellow blogger who is in a DD relationship, but one of the M/f variety.  I have pointed to J Girl's blog, The Taming of the Shrew, a few times before.  Earlier this week she posted on a topic she entitled The Three Stages of a Dominant Submissive Dynamic.  https://ashrewtamed.blogspot.com/2017/03/hey-there-readers.html.  I thought it was an incredibly thoughtful portrayal of some of the ups and downs that real-life DD relationships almost inevitably go through.  Though, I will have to take her word on what Stage 3 might look and feel like.  We are, at most, somewhere in Stage 2, and I don't know whether we would actually want to take it to the Stage 3 she describes.  Perhaps.  But, it's hard to say.  I can't rule it out, since it was just a year or so ago that we started going beyond DD to a deeper Female Led dynamic.

This was one of those weeks that makes me question sometimes the extent to which I really do want this kind of relationship, while at the same time affirming why I need it.  It has been a couple of really tough weeks at work.  I've been traveling constantly.  Lots of after work socializing. I also had one of the people on my team go into full-blown Drama Queen mode, requiring me to play career counselor over several beers.  My way through all this was to go way Alpha, powering through this pretty dysfunctional time by sheer force of will powered by adrenaline and caffeine, followed by a lot of bad airplane wine as a stress reliever.  For a while, I actually started thinking, "This is who I am.  Part of me likes being this way, and it makes me good at what I do.  Maybe I just need to embrace it instead of trying to balance it or contain it."  Which is all well and good, until I hit a Saturday like this where I am so tired that it really feels almost like a form of psychosis, and I realize that living like that just isn't sustainable, and eventually something is going to break or I am going to break something or someone in a way that can't be fixed.  So, as much as I really don't want to be controlled or contained right now, I know that I need to be, and that I will be healthier for it.  But, I come to this realization just as Spring Break starts, meaning kids will be underfoot almost non-stop, making it harder for her to assert herself and get me under control.  Again, real life interferes with the fantasy.

Now, on to other things.  DWC Fred posted a great comment last week, describing his DD dynamic and how he is spanked.  He noted that his spankings generally leave his bottom marked for several days.  That is this week's topic.  Do your disciplinary spankings generally leave marks, welts or bruises that last more than a few hours?

(Yes, I realize this is a female bottom, but we do have a few M/f or F/f visitors.  And, this one was just too enticing not to share.)

Is marking or "blistering" an explicit goal?

When it is over, does your Disciplinarian inspect her handiwork?


Does she take pride in the tangible evidence of a job well done?


(He will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this one is one of our KD Pierre's pieces.  I have a link to his website over to the right.)

This is an area that has changed for us over time, not as a result of any change in the intensity of her spankings, but apparently due to a change in my physiology.  When we first started Domestic Discipline, any significant spanking would leave me very badly bruised.  That doesn't happen nearly as much now.  Even a really, really hard spanking may leave me with only a few visible marks the next day.  Interestingly, my bottom does look in bad shape immediately after the spanking, but the marks just don't last very long.  It also seems like my bottom has developed this non-bruising tolerance specifically to spanking.  I took a nasty fall a few weeks ago, and it left me literally black and blue across one cheek. 

My wife's reaction to this is also interesting.  It really didn't take her very long to get comfortable with giving a hard disciplinary spanking, and the bruising or marking has never seemed to make her squeamish.  She is very comfortable leaving visible evidence of her spanking prowess. In fact, she will sometimes make me drop my pants to show her the condition of my butt, and will express disappointment when the marking is gone a day or two later. 

I hope you all have a great week.  As always, if you are new to this Forum, please take a moment to visit the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship or aspirations.

38 comments:

  1. Joe2 here,

    I think our bodies have adapted to external stimulus. Kind of like when you first start lifting weights. You get your muscles burning quite easily in the beginning, but after about six months extraordinary effort is required to get the burn.

    I don't understand how our bodies figure out how not to bruise, but it happens in other types of events. Think of the martial arts guys. They can break cinder blocks with their hands, without damaging their hands. If you or I tried it, we would be in the emergency room. I had a friend in college who could do that, it was a great party trick around the unknowing.

    My experience is the same as yours. A lot of bruises in the beginning and now much less. However, if she spanks an area that rarely gets spanked, e.g. thighs, it bruises quickly. The crazy thing is that I want the bruises. I guess my nerves tell the brain, "If I am going to be tormented, then the butt better reflect the reason." Additionally, if I get spanked more than once a week, the skin on my bottom starts getting rougher, like it is starting to get callouses. If I don't get a bruise, I feel like I "didn't make the grade."

    If I haven't gotten spanked in several weeks, my pain tolerance is much less, but my bottom doesn't seem to reset itself. For instance, I haven't been spanked in several weeks. So the next time I expect a lot of pain and little bruising.

    Here is the unexpected thing, I have found that I can get addicted to spanking. It is probably me getting addicted to the endorphins from the spanking. There have been several periods where I was spanked 3-4 times a week for several weeks. But when I no longer needed a spanking because work was not that stressful, I still wanted a spanking. At first, I thought I was turning my self into a masochist, but since I used to work out a lot, I consider it to be a parallel of runners high.

    On a side note, I liked your expression "sheer force of will powered by adrenaline and caffeine." I parallels a lot of my work life and it directly caused me to find spanking as a way of release. When I start feeling like a rented mule or get hit from the flank with a serious unexpected problem, my brain wants to rebel with no appropriate outlet. Spanking has become my outlet.

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    1. Hi Joe2. My experience is the same as yours -- infrequent spankings lead to much more pain but no more bruising or marking.

      Work probably was the indirect impetus for us taking on DD. While not all my bad behavior is work-related, the work stress undoubtedly does drive a lot of it. I don't have a lot of DD-related fantasies, but I admit that being spanked for acting out at work, preferably with the spanking happening *at* work, is one of them.

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  2. Well, spanking works better and takes less time than mixing alcohol and gunpowder while listening to AC/DC at volume 12. But it makes for less interesting stories. Like the saying, "my worst decisions have made my best stories."

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    1. There is an unfortunate element of truth in that. And, how did you know what I blast on my iPod? :-)

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  3. My spankings leave me marked for a few days and even now, a solid month after the 2016/2017 "marathon", I still have a noticeable discoloration on both cheeks.

    In my experience I have NEVER personally encountered a spanker who wasn't interested in the marks they made. And even outsiders seem to like to have a look at the damage.

    My "chaps" are a testament to the appeal of marking on display. Except perhaps with another male!😝

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    1. That's amazing that you are still showing the results of that marathon. I'm definitely not going to to willingly display to another male!

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    2. The markings are like this dark subcutaneous bruising that just seems to be taking forever to disappear. But then again I have always had that issue as far back as I can remember. It might have to do with the implements we use. And, yeah, that male/male thing is a bit much.

      Oh and BTW.....that illustration is one of mine, but a real 'oldie'. I think I drew that sometime in the '90s! I'm glad it came in handy for you.

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    3. Self-portrait? You looked much younger back then. :-)

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    4. It WAS totally based on a then-current reality of these weekly D/s 'dinners' I was a part of. And yeah, I had a bit more hair with a lot less gray, and no pot-belly.....but I consider all of these current conditions as my earned right of making it this far. ;-)

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    5. hot and insightful shares.................

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  4. For us it's a bit of a mix. Since reading this page she now gives regular maintenance spankings. They are tolerable and no real goal is set. On the other hand if she's giving a true disciplinary spanking she does have a goal in mind. She will usually say something like " I have to make this one something you'll remember a while ". She will use one of her heavier paddles and do just that ! She sometimes says what shade of red or purple they must be before she stops. I do agree with you and Joe2 that when its been a while between sessions my tolerance is low and pain level sensitive. That part of our life is private and would never show another guy. She always admires her work when done and I look too. When she makes my bottom purple I can feel it for a couple days. I want to feel the welts from a cane. We're looking for one now.

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    1. I've heard that a placed called Quality Control makes good ones. It is a tool we have kind of given up on, but it is so iconic I still do wish it worked for her.

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  5. It all depends on the duration and the intensity of the discipline being administered (as well as, of course, on the kind of "tool" she uses). Most of the spankings I get are applied on the spot - for minor misdemeanors or (as yesterday) for failing to adequately perform my assigned chores - and involve the hairbrush, the kitchen spoon, the martinet, the maple switch or (occasionally) the strap. The marks left by this routine (but frequent) form of discipline disappear within a day (but, due to my behavior, a similar treatment may be applied again later in the week!) The same "procedure" applies to "jusT because..." or "reminder" spankings.

    Serious breaches of household rules, on the other hand, call for longer, harsher and more elaborately staged sessions involving "waiting" and/or "corner" time, an appropriately stern attire, some sort of restraint, accessories such as a "punishment bench"... and, of course, some "tools" reserved for such occasions -e.g. the rattan canes, the crop, the "Italian bridle", the thick paddle, etc. The marks left after those sessions (which seem to occur ca. once a month) typically remain visible (and sore) for up to a week.

    L.

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    1. Hi L. What is an Italian bridle? That's a new one on me.

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    2. There's a story behind that - but, to keep it short, the "Italian bridle" is a thick strap of leather that we (J., actually) acquired some time ago from an elderly woman in a Calabrian village. It was part of the harness once used for their donkey - but which (she told us) she often applied to her (late) husband when he came home drunk. J. bought it from her -even though the old lady offered to give it for free when she heard J. tell how she planned to use it...

      L.

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    3. L. omits to mention that we encountered this old woman when she walked out and encountered us as I was flogging his backside in the olive grove behind what I (mistakenly) thought was an abandoned farmhouse (of which there are plenty in Calabria)

      J.

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  6. My wife expects my marks to remain for at least a week and I am inspected each evening after a spamking. If the marks are fading too quickly I am given a more severe maintenance spanking with the tawse next time.

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    1. Hi Jon S. That is certainly marking as a goal.

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  7. Hi, Dan, I'm sorry to be reaching you this way instead of commenting (short on time at the moment but would otherwise love to participate in this conversation!). Do you have an email where I can reach you? I can't find one on your blog. You can reach me at jasonsgirl001@gmail.com. Thanks! <3

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  8. I can only dream. (Wife's not engaged with this unfortuantely)

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  9. I don't get spanked that often anymore, maybe three or four times a year. Why? because I've learned to follow the behavioral rules we both agreed on that should be corrected. That was the sole purpose of our DD understanding and agreement. However if I do screw up, usually due to impatience and temper at this stage of the game, nothing has changed in terms of position and intensity. In my case it is naked, face down on the bed with my butt over pillows (my wife has decided long ago this position works best for her using either a paddle or disciplinary strap or both as she can swing with enough power to make me really wish I wasn't in that position). I asked for harsh punishment and my wife has agreed to provide it without hesitation. Normally I am left with a few white spots sporting blister and a few marks. I'm not sure if my wife decides to stop when she observes the condition of my bottom, but when she's finished she leaves me on the bed to recover because I am usually wasted after going through this ordeal. When I'm ready I get up and look at my backside to see what damage has been done. I'm usually sore the rest of the day and especially when I sit. I can still feel it the next day, but not very much. I do check my backside the next couple of days and by the second day everything has pretty well cleared up. Despite the severity of my spankings, when they are over, I apologize to my wife for my behavior, she accepts the apology with a hug, kiss, and often that goes further.

    Fred

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    1. Hi Fred. My experience is similar, though I bruise a little more. But, like yours, it seems to disappear quickly. I can generally feel it for 2 - 3 days afterward.

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  10. My wife left some marks when she used my belt on my butt.

    She seems to be very pleased with the work she does.

    She seems to feel stronger after finishing the discipline. I think this behavior was better for her than for me.

    Well

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    1. It's great that she feels stronger after finishing.

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  11. With a good number of my spankings, any signs that I'd gotten spanked would disappear by the next day. There would occasionally be bruises that took longer to go away. But there didn't seem to be a correlation between bruises and severity (it could have gotten down to how well I was taking care of myself at the time, L's technique, or, like you, perhaps how often I was getting spanked at the time). There did seem to be a correlation between redness and severity though. With stricter spankings, my butt would still be reddish the next day, instead of back to its normal color

    I don't know if L used coloring, or markings, as any guide in how long she decided to make a spanking last. But, once a spanking was over, she really wasn't interested in its after-effects. I think that may have gotten down to her own struggles with being fully comfortable with the dynamic.

    I've written mainly so far about when DD was really working in our relationship; because that's been the part that's been relevant to the topics so far. But, over the course of our relationship, DD definitely ebbed and flowed. We'd be "all in" on it, so to speak, for a stretch. But then something would trigger L to start worrying that she'd be seen as "controlling" by other people (something she'd been called in other relationships and which, apparently, really affected her). She'd back away from being in charge for a while. But then she'd start to miss it. Things would seem out of sync or imbalanced for us. So she would reclaim her authority and we'd be back to being "all in" for a while. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

    So, even when we were operating at full speed, I think the edge of uncomfortableness came through in the form of a certain distancing from punishments once they were over.
    -H

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    1. That's an interesting dynamic, and maybe not atypical? If I could help women in these relationships in one way, it would be to get them to stop caring whether others see them as controlling, bitchy . . . whatever.

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  12. Our relationship is, and has been strictly confidential. Nor is my wife bitchy or over controlling in any way. Almost the opposite. However, when I've done something where there is a call to action, she takes her responsibility seriously (as we both agree it is for the benefit of the marriage). She may cut me a little slack once in a while for minor behavioral hiccups, but seeing the benefits of our relationship from consistent enforcement of the rules we both agreed must be improved and stay improved, we really have never had any lull period when our agreement has been breached. I guess I'm lucky based on comments of others, but not when I'm getting my backside roasted. It is the consistency of our approach that seems to work for both of us. I know what to expect, and she knows how to deliver.

    Fred

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    1. Hey Fred. Totally agree that consistency is key. It's great that you've achieved it.

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  13. I didn't have anything to contribute to the "Marking" thread until yesterday. I received a pretty vigorous session a couple of days ago - her Red-headed Irish side emerged in full force - and yesterday she casually asked to view my bottom.

    Since I had recently read this thread I was more tuned in to her reactions. She was very analytical - like "Hmmm. I could have easily done more. The lines on your legs are still nice though."

    Then she gently cautioned me about making the same or similar mistakes again and said that it would be much worse if I do. Since I have been moaning every time I sit down, I heard her admonition loud and clear.

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    1. My wife makes some of the same disappointed comments when markings aren't there a few days later or aren't prominent enough.

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  14. Dan, I think I should comment further on consistency in enforcing our DD relationship. It works for us because my wife enjoys the power it gives her (a power she didn't have before we entered into our DD agreement). She doesn't want to jeopardize that power by being inconsistent when it comes to enforcement. She understands that I wouldn't have agreed to behavioral boundaries if I didn't expect her to enforce them. She can exercise her power by threatening a spanking if I act up and often says, "do you want me to get the paddle." There are two things that stop me in my tracks (as to bad behavior), to wit, the threat of a paddling or the announcement that I will get a paddling. That's a power my wife really likes. In my case when I'm told I'm going to be paddled, taking my punishment position is like going to the dentist for a root canal. My wife knows this. She likes that power. She also knows that because I agreed to certain boundaries, if I violate them, I will accept her punishment without resistance. In my case I appreciate the fact my wife has the strength to make me tow the line. I really hate being paddled of strapped while it's happening, but I feel a whole lot better about things, and myself, when I have been responsibly punished for what I had done. Incredibly, the punishment experience brings us closer together and more loving of each other. I think any wife reading this should think about this dynamic and the benefits of being consistent.

    Fred

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  15. Great observations, and I agree that budding disciplinary wives should think about all this. Like yours, mine does enjoy the power her authority to order a spanking gives her, though I don't think she always makes the connection re: how much consistency increases that power or, conversely, how much lack of consistency undermines it. I think many wives, mine included, struggle with this on two levels. First, they aren't as sure as yours is that if the husband screws up, he will accept the punishment without resistance. (Though in ten years I have never refused one.) Second, I think a lot of people are reluctant to admit that they DO enjoy exercising power. As a society, we kind of discourage getting off on exercising power, while simultaneously and incongruously admiring people who do.

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  16. Shilo pinks up rather well, but he doesn't get bright red anymore, no matter how hard I paddle him. He has a fetish for 'mementos' so pictures are often taken.

    Most of the people who receive spankings wear their marks like a badge of honor.

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    1. That's true -- I phrased the topic around whether the spanker shows a certain pride in a job well done, but the spankees sometimes do the same thing.

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  17. My wife feels badly if I'm marked or bruised. Quite red is fine, even pink the next day, but she feels a bruise means she wasn't careful in spanking me.

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    1. Hi Eddie. How do you feel about that? Glad she holds back and is careful, or want it harder?

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  18. She certainly gets a kick out of how red my bottom gets as she spanks and let's me know about it as she spanks. My rear is pretty tough and marks do not last that long but she likes to tease and comment on any residual marks when I come out of the shower , etc.

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