Saturday, March 18, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 198 - Attire

 If only my genitals didn't float when I relaxed in the bath.  And we both looked down and agreed it's stupid to be a man." - Leonard Cohen


Hello all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was really long and more stressful than I've had in awhile.  I was thinking back on it yesterday, and an out-of-town meeting I had on Monday seemed like it happened a month ago.  My entire team was just balls-out the entire week.  And that metaphor leads nicely into this week's topic, which was suggested by Merry's Shilo.  And, it's a pretty simple one:

When you're spanked, are you naked?  If so, are you expected to present yourself to her that way?
If undressing in front of her is part of the process, is that something you are expected to do yourself, or does she take more direct control of the disrobing process?

Or, are your spankings conducted with you at least partially clothed?
Does the amount of clothing matter based on position or location?  Such as over a bed you are naked but over a desk you are partially clothed?
How about you? What is your usual attire, or degree of lack thereof, during a spanking? What makes you feel more vulnerable - fully naked, pants off, or pants down around your ankles?  I don't have a basis for an opinion on this one, because I think all of ours have been with me totally naked.  I can't recall any that have involved pants down and around the ankles, though I could see that one actually adding some vulnerability, since it would also restrict mobility.

And, in the interests of not leaving our Disciplinary Wives out of this one, do you dress in any special way when delivering a spanking, or when you want to send a strong message about who is in control?

I hope you all have a great week.

51 comments:

  1. When my wife indicates it's time for discipline, I'm expected to get myself completely naked as quickly as possible, while she observes impatiently. For me, and I think for her, partially dressed, particularly pants around the ankles, would look silly, and be inappropriate for such serious business. (To be honest, I may keep socks on for an over-the-kitchen-counter session.)
    The CFNM dynamic enhances both my vulnerability, as you note, and the level of my pre-spanking arousal.
    My wife wears whatever she happens to have on - work clothes, casual clothes, a robe after a shower. I get the message about who is in control no matter what!
    CrimsonKing

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    1. I wonder if for some people, the "look silly" aspect of pants around the ankles is part of the goal, i.e. to put him in very humble state of mind.

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  2. Good topic. It will be interesting to see the different experiences and knowing this group there should be some diversity. For myself, I am rarely naked and if I am it means I am facing a severe punishment with the cane for something about which she is VERY angry. It’s been a part of our agreement since the beginning, something she learned from her former husband and she initiates with the simple command "strip". I am expected to do just that removing my clothes as she waits and then following her orders which probably start with corner time, a rough scolding and then a long session with the cane. But this is not common. What is common is she will either take my pants and underpants down herself and walk me to the spanking room or she will walk me to it and then tell me to take my own pants down. Usually she wants them off entirely but I have been spanked with pants and underpants dangling around my ankles naughty boy style. This latter has usually been for a quick and short correction as she usually likes my lower body naked for the spanking. Just an aside but I find her taking my pants down herself deeply embarrassing but don’t find stripping on command for her to be nearly as embarrassing. That may be why she doesn’t use full nudity very often because for me it just isn’t that effective in itself (the caning however is another matter)
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. Mine typically doesn't take my pants down, and I do wonder whether that would add to the embarrassment and humility-inducing nature of the session.

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  3. I'd say 90% of the time I strip naked while she sits watching and waiting from the bed. However, there have been times, when for expedience or practical reasons (like the house being unusually cold) I've just 'pulled'em down' and laid over her lap.

    I think we both like the formality of the usual full stripping ritual since it sets a tone for what is to follow. And the CFNM angle is not lost on either of us either.

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    1. I think mine likes the control of ordering me to go upstairs and get naked, then watching me comply

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  4. Hello Dan,
    I wanted to comment on the last topic but wasn't able so will on this one. I both wear the pants and take down the pants in my family. As Shepard Smith ( Fox) might say: "full stop".
    Marissa

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    1. Thanks, Marisa. That is a great way to put it! And, you are obviously welcome to go back to last week's topic and comment there, or drop in an additional comment here. Either way, would love to hear from you on it.

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  5. When the time arrives. Dev is sitting waiting for me. I stand by her right side as the lecture begins. Once in proper position , SHE pulls my sweat pants down. I feel this gives her total control. She tightly wraps he left arm around me and the spanking is given. Sometimes she'll be waiting for me in the kitchen wearing her red dress and heals. Nothing ever needs said.

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  6. I am expected to be naked with my chastity device locked on. When my wife tells me to that it is time for my discipline I am ordered to the bedroom to strip and wait standing facing the wall.

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  7. I'm expected to get her things ready. Place my wrist and ankle restraints on and have my blindfold in my hands ready for her to attach. Next comes the ball gag she buckles tightly and she leads me the bed and restrains me. I'm only wearing panties (tight) she goes between the leather strap and the cane until she's happy I've learned my lesson.
    Once released she instructs me to sit at the edge of the bed. She hooks the wrist restraints behind my back and places nipple clamps on my for ?? minutes. Sometimes she'll remove the clamps and change the pinch direction from north/south to east/west. When they finally come off you dare not rub your nipples or it all starts again.
    She removes the blindfold and gag and we talk about how I need to improve my actions. It's tough sitting there (for more than one reason)just wearing panties while she's fully dressed.

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  8. Depends, most spankings occur in the front room, she enjoys pulling down the pants and underpants, I feel totally in her control. Once over her lap, most times the pants and underpants are kicked off. Only when I'm really in trouble do I go to the bedroom, strip, wait for her, hands at side. The wait could be long or short so I waste no time getting undress. After the spanking it is always to the front room, face the wall, insure I do not rub. She does enjoy spanking my bottom on the way to the front room. Joe

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  9. Always the same ritual here
    1- Lecture, explaining the reason for discipline.
    2 -She orders me to take the belt (heavy belt used only for discipline) and put it in her hands.
    3- She orders to take off all my clothes and lie on the bed.
    4- I have to say the reason why I will be disciplined
    5- Applied as many hits as she thought necessary.

    When you're spanked, are you naked? If so, are you expected to present yourself to her that way?
    Always naked. She orders after lecture.

    If undressing in front of her is part of the process, is that something you are expected to do yourself, or does she take more direct control of the disrobing process?
    It's part of the process. I am influenced by two factors. 1- She demonstrates her control. 2 - embarrassing is part of the discipline


    As always an interesting topic. Congratulations.


    Well

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    1. Hello Well (sp?). Thanks for contributing.

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    2. The correct signature is Well. I do not understand having appeared "Bem"

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  10. It's always fascinating to me just how personal and individual the rituals of DD are. Leading off the discussion, Crimson King wrote, "For me, and I think for her, partially dressed, particularly pants around the ankles, would look silly, and be inappropriate for such serious business." In my DD relationship, it was the exact opposite. Spankings happened as needed. And they happened just as we were in the moment. She didn't have special attire and neither did I. And getting naked would have felt the same as going and putting on something different for the punishment. It would have seemed artificial and out of place. Spankings didn't lead to anything else requiring nudity. And getting naked for one would have seemed inappropriate in some way. Nudity was for sex; which was an adult part of our relationship. Spankings were for bad behavior; which was not. Dan is correct though; at least to some extent. While I never thought about my pants and underwear pulled down as looking "silly" (it just didn't occur to me), it did create a sense of vulnerability and, in some ways, had me feeling more exposed than I think being naked would have. It also had me feeling somewhat juvenile. L always pulled my pants down herself and was usually the one to pull them up afterwards as well; which I'm sure added to that juvenile feeling.
    -H

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    1. Hi H. Interesting point about full nudity potentially blurring the line between sex and punishment. I hadn't thought of it that way, but I see how it could be an issue.

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    2. I think those are fair comments. For us, spanking is 'discipline' rather than 'punishment'. It's a voluntary turnover of power from me to my wife, in the hope that she will exercise it at her discretion. There's definitely a sexual element, though not always sex. I do feel this drives me to more devoted/better behavior overall, though perhaps not in the straight line you both 'enjoy'.
      CrimsonKing

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    3. And I shouldn't have used the word 'silly' - I don't mean anything negative there. I'm sure I haven't avoided looking silly, myself.
      CrimsonKing

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  11. I do not know if you will accept this, but I'm female and my husband is female. My husband is a few years older. I found I enjoy being with another female and not a male. We are married, my husband is in charge, I've always been one not liking that role. Spanking are a part of our marriage, most time for punishment. Yes I've been spanked by a couple of males, but nothing compared to the spankings I get today. My husband being a female knows how to properly give a spanking. Always bare, always otk, hand, hairbrush, corner time. So do not know if you accept this, but thought I would share. Jackie

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    1. Hi Jackie. Welcome! No problem at all on the gender alignment. While this blog focuses primarily on F/m relationships, we have some who comment now and then who are in M/f DD relationships. F/f permutations are just fine, too. I am confused though by one specific line in your comment, where you say: "I've always been one not liking that role." I'm not sure what you meant by that.

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    2. My dating I learned that giving was not me, and so was not liking that role. When I met my future husband, I knew I was meant to be spanked, I do get girlish, foolish, my husband does not like that at all. To share with you the spanking I wished had not happen, was at a restaurant. I was being foolish, my husband accepted so long and then ask me to come to the restroom with her, I did, and soon was over her lap, a couple of other ladies watching, she pulled up the dress, down went the panties and I know the sound of her hand on my bare bottom could be heard. She looked at the ladies and said I've been a naughty little girl, they both smiled, and then left. The looks as we walked back to our table I wanted to hide.

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    3. So great to read that your female husband is such a capable disciplinarian. Right on!!

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    4. My husband is, but in this relationship, spankings are more likely to happen when you wish it would not and would not if it was a male. I have been spanked in a dressing room, I have been spanked a couple of times in restrooms at the restaurant. I've learned women accept this relationship and the spankings more so than men and not afraid to make comments, suggestions. Being an adult and having your bottom bare in these places adds to the punishment. Squirming at a restaurant after a spanking is no fun. But I enjoy my husband, accept my punishment and to be truthful the advantages of being a female, we can act childish anytime we want, and anywhere.

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  12. Joe2 here,

    My wife and have both found having a set of protocols helps get us both get into the needed mindset. I set up the area, lay out the tools, and reflect upon what and why the spanking is needed. After I am ready, I tell my wife and return to the room to await her arrival. When she comes into the room, I lower my eyes and tell her why I need a spanking. She usually says a few words and then lightly kisses me. She then tells me to get ready. I lower my pajama bottoms around my ankles and get into position. Having the bottoms around my ankles helps set the submissive mindset.

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  13. Most of the punishments I get are for ordinary misdemeanors that call for immediate "retribution" - and which are administered without need for any special attire (other than my derrière being bared)...
    When a harsher punishment is required (and/or has to be deferred), a more elaborate production will usually be decreed. She may, e.g., put on her leather boots (and skirt), slowly select her choice "tools", have me serve a spell of corner (waiting) time, or let me wait in the "appropriate" position (e.g. bent over a chair or sofa, sprawled on the bed, etc.) until she is ready to "deliver"... Some variations may occur (e.g. when her sister or one of her friends are present - or when the two of us are on a stroll in the woods) but this (fortunately) happens rather infrequently. And she, thank goodness, has no taste for kinky "domme" outfits...

    L.

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    1. I must say that I rather enjoy "dressing up" for the occasion! N. (L's late wife) was an inspiration in that respect. Most times, it's true, L. is punished "on the spot" whether with my own hand or (more likely) with my hairbrush, the kitchen spoon or the martinet - but, when needed, a more elaborate (and lengthier) "production" is in order - and I make sure he remembers it!

      J.

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  14. Three ways:
    1. My wife tells me to go to the laundry room, drop my pants, bend over the bench and wait for her. I stand there, bent over with my pants and underpants around my ankles until she is ready to deal with me. Then she'll come in, pick up the bathbrush, lecture me and then spank me. She is dressed in whatever she happens to be wearing.
    2. We sleep naked (or I have shorts on if the chastity device is locked on), so sometimes I'll be in bed and she'll decide to spank me with the hairbrush then. I have to get naked and get on all fours on the bed, and then she'll spank me. She'll either be dressed in normal clothes or naked too if she was in bed at the same time.
    3. If the children are around but she feels immediate action is necessary we'll turn on the radio, shut the door, and I'll bend over and get spanked with my pants on.

    Thanks for the great forum!

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    1. Hi Anonymous. I hadn't thought to mention it in the post, but you're right that the potential presence of children in the house probably impacts whether to completely dis-robe, for at least some couples.

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  15. Little or no protocol or ritual----It is just understood by each of us certain really bad, selfish and almost juvenile behaviors---is met with a bare ass spanking/paddling---No big deal out of undressing or anything of which you spoke in your post---I am naked cause when I got a spanking coming I always take it directly out of my shower---so I just bend over and get it done with quick as possible----undressing or other before spanking behaviors have never entered into it---A bare asses spanking is just going to hurt on my butt and we both know it has to happen and it does

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  16. As a disciplinary wife, I require my husband to be naked when he is being spanked. I do not dress or undress for the occasion as I find it is important not to send mixed messages - spankings are severe and are corrective with no sexual overtones. My husband is kept in chastity and is ever released on a punishment day. Another disciplinary wife tells me that before a spanking she unlocks her husband's chastity device and fondles him and then locks it up again before any orgasm is achieved and then commences to belt her misbehaving husband. I haven't decided yet as to whether my friend's approach would be worth trying as it does seem to blur the line between discipline and pleasure

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    1. Hi Blaze. Yes, that sounds to me like it has a high potential to blur discipline and pleasure. Thanks for contributing.

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  17. I formerly worked semi professionally and have spanked many men. I am also a lifestyle dom and spank my husband regularly as well as his brother ( brother in law) As far as requiring nudity before a spanking it depends entirely on the male and what works on him.Some men are embarrassed or ashamed if they are ordered to get naked. But others not so much.I would order him to strip if it embarrassed him but if not why bother. It is important to have them bare ass at some point before serious spanking starts but when you do that is up to you (or should be)The important thing is to decide if it is an erotic spanking or discipline.I have done both but only do discipline in my home.If it is discipline make sure all eroticism is removed from the experience.In my experience full nudity does bring eroticism into it for many men. On the other hand making him take down his pants for a juvenile OTK punishment spanking ( or doing it for him) takes the turn on factor away. If he still has a hard on most women can figure out how to handle that. Better yet forget the nudity and get on with the business. Some of you might know me so sign Me Nora

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    1. Hi Nora. Thanks for joining in. You make a good point that men vary a lot in what they consider humbling versus exciting.

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    2. I have to say that it ALL sounds hot to me !!!!!!!!

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    3. Great point about the nudity. I couldn't care less about being seen naked. But for me at least, "Nora's" is right on about how awkward it feels to endurance a spanking with my pants clumped up around my ankles. I love her labeling it as a "juvenile OTK experience."

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  18. UGH! Busy week moving. No internet, so using phone while waiting for the doctor.

    Anyway, I prefer Shilo naked. Socks are fine. I wear whatever I want. When we're at a dungeon, I frequently wind up naked except for my shoes or boots. As a Dominant, why should I have to wear uncomfortable hot clothing? I'm the Boss, so I don't care what others think.

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  19. There are a few variations for us. Since for me being naked makes the spanking more about sex, I am rarely spanked naked. And if I am required to be naked and am aroused when Ann gets there I am required to masturbate in from of her, which is embarrassing and definitely makes the spanking hurt much more.

    Frequently am I am told to go and pull down my pants and underwear and stand in the corner. Since my spankings usually have to be planned I will be wearing (as required) white briefs. Standing there like that I am humbled and have been instructed, usually, to think about why I have to be there, dressed like that, as a 10 year old would be.

    Occasionally meets me at the door, walks me to the bedroom, and tells me to pull down my pants and underwear. This is the same type of humbling, as she has told me I was getting a spanking before I left for work. I'm wearing the jockeys all day. She has me call when I leave work (in the car) and reminds me she intends to blister my bottom when I get home, "just like a little 10 year old." I have butterflies all the way home. My hands tremble while I pull down my pants. I hesitated once while pulling down my shorts and she asked why I was delaying. I answered that I knew as soon as my underwear was down she was going to start spanking and it was going to hurt.

    The worst, and most humbling, is when she spanks me in the moment, when she has had enough of something. She will have me stand in front of her with my hands on my head. Her irritation is visible as she quickly and forcefully takes down my pants and then, as happened when I was a boy, grabs my underwear and yanks them down. When this happens there is no doubt, I will end up crying hard - a naughty little boy.

    All of these are done to humble me. When I have to do it myself and wait for her, my hands still tremble. Having given Ann time to get used to this and being grateful for the effort she puts into it, every spanking leaves marks that will usually take at least 4 or 5 days to disappear. I almost always cry from the pain, the humbling, and the emotional reaction to knowing how my actions have hurt her and how she is doing her part to communicate.

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    1. Hi Fred. This is a really great comment. You seem to be living what so many men who want accountability and consequences only dream about. Your Ann sounds like she epitomizes what many men are looking for in these relationships.

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  20. Wife has spanked me in front of her best female friend. it was amazing,,,,,,,

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  21. I absolutely love eye candy = hot attire.

    But all it takes is for my wife to have a spanking implement in her hand at the ready and her authority is 100% unquestioned.

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  22. I am bent over the bed with my trousers and pants pulled down just enough to expose my bottom to serve as a reminder that I submit voluntarily.

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