Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 187 - Disciplined Resolve

"It is always during a passing state of mind that we make lasting resolutions." - Marcel Proust

"To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often." -- Winston Churchill

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum: Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives, our weekly gathering of men and women participating in or aspiring to Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.

I hope you are enjoying this last day of 2016.  Where did the year go?  For once, I don't have a strong inclination to look back on this year fondly or, rather, wish it good riddance. Most years, I have an opinion one way or the other.  I hated 2014 from the minute it started and was very happy to see it gone.  2015 was absolutely frenetic. I felt like I was riding a hurricane all year long, but I actually loved pretty much every minute of it.  2016?  Well, it has been frenetic, but I felt more like the hurricane was riding me, and I could never quite get on top of it.  I also felt like in 2015 I controlled a lot of the action around me, while in 2016 my time was spent more reacting to events than initiating them. Still, it wasn't a bad year by any means, at least in my opinion.  I get the sense though that I may be in the minority.  One of my kids told me over the break that 2016 "sucked" and that many of his/her friends feel the same.  I also sometimes judge the community sentiment going into the end of the year by the number and quality of the Christmas light displays in our neighborhood.  On that very unscientific measure, people were either down or distracted this year.  Many houses had no lights at all, and those that did didn't seem to go all out.  But, still, I'm not prepared to say 2016 "sucked." The year certainly ended on a weird note, but I'm not ready to write it off entirely.


One area in which 2016 did definitely suck, however, was in my own performance on some of my resolutions and goals.  Those of you have followed this blog for a while know that I am big on resolutions and goals.  Every year I sit down in late December and try to map out areas in which I want to improve and to lay out concrete some concrete measures of success in various aspects of my life including career, family relationships, health, personal creativity, etc.  While some goals go chronically unmet, I usually do fairly well.  This year, however, when I went back to my list of 2016 goals and gave myself an honest "pass" or "fail" grade on each, it was pretty dismal.  Fail, after fail, after fail.  If I was a student bringing home a report card to my parents, mom or dad would be going for the paddle or strap.  The one bright spot was career and finances, where I either hit most of my goals or had only near misses.  And, I usually set pretty big goals in those areas, so a near-miss is still pretty good.  But, where more personal goals around family, friends, fitness and non-work accomplishments were concerned, while the year may not have "sucked," my performance over the course of it sure as hell did.

Depressingly, part of the problem was probably just getting older.  Like many Americans, some of my resolutions were around fat loss and fitness.  And I failed miserably on those. But, while my diet and exercise behavior wasn't great, it was at least as good, and in some ways better, than in past years.  The simple and depressing fact is, it is just a hell of a lot harder at this age to strip off those extra pounds than it used to be.  I also had a series of illnesses and minor injuries that sidelined me from working out for weeks at a time.  But, other goals were undoubtedly within my control and went unmet because of pure lack of attention.  As I looked at my list, the disparity between the passing grades on career-oriented stuff and one failing grade after another -- on things relating to deepening or renewing personal relationships or personal growth things like taking up new hobbies -- spoke volumes about where I was probably placing my energy and where I wasn't.   Worse yet, as I was trying yesterday to work up a new list for 2017, it seemed like a lot of the things I was coming up with that would have been motivating a few years ago just felt flat.  So, unlike in other years I find myself going into this one without a very clear sense of what I really want to accomplish over the course of it.  But, that's OK.  I'm going to just try to ride it out for a while and see if inspiration strike, while trying not to stay in a rut.  Ruts scare me.  As they say, the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Fortunately, one area in which I do have some concrete goals is around the FLR and DD aspects of our relationship.  I did a topic last year on DD boot camps.  We couldn't find a good way to work one in last year, but we both agree it needs to be a priority in 2017.  I also want us to make the mid-week maintenance check-ins we tried out near year-end a more regular part of our routine.  Finally, I want to get regular date nights on the calendar, where we go out to dinner alone and actually talk about what we want, what is working and what is not, etc.  We have been a tight-nit family over the years, and there is good in that, but the hard reality is we have sometimes erred too much on the side of family togetherness and not enough on separate time as a couple.

Wow, was that ever a long-winded way of getting to this week's topic.  Or, more accurately, topic(s), as I really have two, though they are related.

First, every year I ask people what resolutions they are making for the new year, and every year it is a total flop.  But, hope springs eternal. So, care to share some of the things that are making it on to your 2017 resolution list?  Are any of them DD or FLR related?

Second, to what extent, if at all, do you use DD to try to reinforce your personal goals or resolutions?  Many of us are drawn to DD because of our need for accountability, but the fantasy usually seems to revolve around a wife getting spontaneously pissed off about her husband's bad behavior and taking up the paddle or brush to get him back on the right path because of the impact his behavior is having on her or others.  But, what about our own goals and areas where we ourselves want to improve regardless of whether our HoH really cares about that particular issue? 


Maybe it's losing weight, or exercising more, or making some progress on that novel we've always wanted to write, or increasing our performance at work.  Have you used DD to provide a painful little incentive to keep on track with your personal or professional goals?  If so, did you ask for help, or was it imposed by your HoH?

Also, since I got a late start on the week, I don't feel like we gave the chastity and orgasm denial topic its due.  Please feel free to carry over that discussion to this week if you have something to say on the topic.

I hope you all have a great week and that your New Year gets off to a great start!  If you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little something about yourself or you DD or FLR relationship or aspirations.

Happy New Year to one and all!

Dan

56 comments:

  1. Happy New Year! I noticed you snuck in a discussion earlier this week, but I haven't been there yet. I'll share when I'm at a regular computer.

    Love to all,
    Merry

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  2. I would agree on the weight and exercise bit as I am probably 25 pounds heavier than I want to be and my gut does somewhat impair my ability to tie my shoes. Thankfully it does not impair having sex with my wife. but just the same, the weight needs to come off. And being American, we have a new president coming into office and I need to resolve to NOT get into any fights or say crass stuff on facebook about DJT and focus my energy on working with environmental organizations to stymie his positions and goals. the other goal is to keep my wife interested in spanking me on a regular basis.
    Good luck to all of us in 2017
    Baxter

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  3. My constant problem is attitude, behavior, wanting my own way. We have had a DD relationship for sometime. It has helped, and my wife did not hesitate when it was decided she should be in charge. I'll will admit the spankings help, she has increased the hurt factor and now has a nice large bath brush. She has already said this coming year I best be good, all spankings will be given with me naked, and instead of no one knowing about them, the first spanking I get, she will inform her mother, and will decide how many others will learn of my spankings.

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    1. Wow, that is definitely cranking up the incentives for you to behave. Good for her!

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    2. I have to be honest, I have deep down always wanted a spanking by my mother-in-law. She a woman from the 50's and I when being spanked by my wife think of my mother-in-law giving the spanking. I will mess up and my mother-in-law will see me and I will get up the nerve to do something to get her to spank me, even after the spanking I just received. I hope you understand this desire, strange as it may seem, many a private time in the bathroom sitting on the toilet I have enjoyed.

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    3. I assume this is "Shawn"again. This is getting kind of old. I've let the "how can I turn this topic into something about my mother-in-law" thing go on for the better part of a year, but I'm done. Your resolution for 2017 should be to stop comparing your wife negatively to your mother-in-law, or go somewhere else to talk about it.

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    4. His fantasies bother me a lot less ( although getting spanked by my MIL is definitely not on my list)than the kind of obsessive compulsive way he turns every post into the same post.Worse for me he does it not only here but in a number of other spanking blogs. He needs a new script. Fantasies are great but if you want to ever move beyond them ( or even actually fulfill them) one needs to grow, explore and deal with daily real life. Maybe he just wants a fantasy life. If so, maybe he should consider sharing more of it with himself.
      Alan

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    5. Alan, agreed. I see the same comments from him over and over on other blogs. All about MIL and/or about being put in a corner with his bottom red and stinging. Over and over and over.

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    6. Sorry, if that means anything, I just was so surprise and relieved that what was happening in my life was true with others, just wanted to share, got to carried away. Thought maybe if I shared, others would do the same, I see where I offended others, not my attention. Will take the suggestion for 2017, if any advise could be given, open to it. So once again Sorry. Shawn

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    7. Showed my wife, Susan, what was said, she totally agrees with everyone, especially the resolution for 2017. She will be the only one giving the spankings, she will hear no more comparison with her mother, and no one will watch or see me being spanked. She knows I need this, but changes are needed and what better time, than know. Once again I'm sorry to what this has gotten to, hope you understand.

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  4. Thank you for sharing your feelings and evaluations about your New Years resolutions. It made for a very thoughtful and inspiring read. I have no weight issues. But I do have a boatload of other matters that are piled up and need attention.

    As part of our New Years Eve we talked about what we wanted to accomplish individually and as a couple. And to keep things 100% real, I had no choice but to ask for her disciplinary assistance on a couple of important matters; mainly focused on helping me improve my productivity.

    It will really be a continuation of last year's practices, which worked pretty well. But she told me that the "minimal level" of spanking will be higher than it was last year. She really does expect results for her efforts.

    Oh and wouldn't you know it. I somehow got a little obnoxious last night which put a blemish on an otherwise lovely evening. So my New Year will undoubtedly begin with me wishing I had ended the old year with one last bit of discretion. Damn!

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    1. Hi Tomy. Happy New Year! Sorry to hear you may be off to a painful start! Regarding asking for her help in improving productivity, does that involve reporting your productivity progress in some way, or is it something she can monitor without your assistance?

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    2. It involves daily reporting. We discuss the goals, and she usually coaches me to not be overly aggressive about setting them. She's very fair and conscientious about that. So if I don't meet MY goals, I have no one to blame but myself for the spankings that happen.

      There is no need for her to monitor without my assistance as I am scrupulously truthful about it. What would even be the point otherwise?

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    3. Oh, and as for a "painful start" for the year. I earned that one all by myself too.

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  5. Happy new year! Many things for me to improve on. Some discipline always helps :)
    Losing about 10 pounds is a quantifiable goal.
    Also wanted to "step up" my cross-dressing a little bit with my dominant Wife. This may sound wacky, but it's true. Hoped to start the New Year with a bang, making love to my Wife. As She is now in control of whether that happens or not, I snuggled up..and looked to be making progress. But in the end, nothing. She doesn't care for the "mess" and such. Sadly giving up, I figured i'd go with plan B... going ahead and wearing a Christmas present i'd gotten myself... a little bralette. Love that word! Anyway, i'm usually mortified to dress in front of her (usually only wear panties). But, told Her about it, and put one on...whew. Oddly,now THIS actually turned Her on a bit! So, she brought out the paddle and spanked me in my lingerie! Standing face to face, She had me mast. in my panties, as She played with balls (She likes that, anyway!) and squeezing me through my bra. In a few minutes, you can imagine how it ended for me. Know it sounds strange, but that was my/Our start to the year. Hoping She will provide further discipline and guidance in the year ahead. It was embarrassing to show Her this, but i'm glad i did. ~Bob

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  6. New Year resolutions are inevitably broken (or ignored), and thus I willingly leave it to my wife to decide whether (and when) my behavior calls for the use of one of her (many!) 'correctional' tools... which never fail to produce the desired effect :-)

    L.

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    1. Whatever works for you is a good thing. I find that I need to proactively ask my wife to address some of my personal or work related goal failures, because if they don't directly impact her she doesn't really care about them enough to focus her wrath on them.

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    2. My own (and only) way of being "proactive" is to volunteer for a spanking when I have committed a 'misdemeanor' she hasn't (yet) discovered. This typically involves my bringing her the martinet or one of her favorite paddles, followed by lowering my trousers... and she never fails to respond :-)

      L.

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    3. You said "I find that I need to proactively ask my wife to address some of my personal or work related goal failures..." Kudos to you. Our wives are not mind-readers and they often have a million things to balance in life. There is an enormous difference between what is called "topping from the bottom" and being in integrity as a DWC husband.

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  7. Happy news from a cyber friend on another Blog. He started the New Year off by having a sincere conversation with his wife about his disciplinary needs and how much he wanted and needed her guiding hand.

    To his surprise, she found that most agreeable.

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  8. Dan
    Happy New Year! Anna is visiting her folks with the boys for a few days and one of ' while she is away'
    duties was for me to write this week and share my own goals for the coming year. Rather than create a list of things that deep down I know I wont follow through on, this year I have only one.
    Most mondays Anna gives me a list of things she expects me to do that week. Never is there anything that
    is difficult. Small things pick up the boys, drop off my suits at cleaners, etc. All things I very often forget to do or at the last moment I call and say work keeps me from leaving early etc. ( Here insert any of the thousands of excuses I use )
    This year my goal is to finish the entire list in the time assigned. As a reminder, a brand new cane is now hanging on a hook in my bedroom closet. At this point I confess a caning scares me more than anything else. Not on the list she gave me, but is on mine , is to be more involved in my sons lives. They are growing so fast.
    As to our domestic discipline situation, Anna will write to you separately to give you our agreed upon
    goals in this coming year. Be assured that New Years Eve I was sore but well behaved. Perhaps for the first year in many, sober enough to be desirable to my wife when we got home. Hate admitting perhaps the pre spanking does work with me.

    Anna' s Peter

    P.S. one last thing.. last week Anna mentioned that I dont check out online porn etc. I confessed to her
    after my New years eve pre party discipline that at work I do look at porn on line. Admitting that here
    as well as 50 more with the belt was my punishment.

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    1. Hey Peter. Good to hear you kept it mellow on New Years Eve. I did too, then screwed up last night, having too many beers with a friend. That has to some kind of personal record, not making it even one day.

      I will be curious to see how the cane works out for you. We tried it several times, but it just didn't hurt that much. She also thinks it is difficult to control.

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    2. My first experience with the cane dates back to the time when N. (my late wife) discovered a rattan cane in the attic while sorting out the stuff in her grandmother's house -after the old lady had passed away. N. insisted on trying it then and there... and it was very 'effective', to say the least! She used it again, once in a while (along with her other 'tools'!) - and I dreaded it! Now J. 'inherited" it - and, although she had never watched N. using it, she occasionally likes to bring it out of the closet... and to apply it "where it will do you the most good", as she puts it!

      L.

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    3. Thanks, L. That's pretty interesting that it was found in her grandmother's house.

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    4. It did come as a surprise - and N. chuckled as she tried to imagine how (and by whom) it had been used - but the truth is we have no idea! All the same, she immediately found a good use for it (and J. 'adopted' it...)

      L.

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  9. As it has been quite a while since I've had a spanking, I asked my lovely wife if for the new year we could make a joint resolution that I would get a long hard spanking at least once a month to keep me on track and get rid of any depressive feelings I have. She looked at me and smiled, of course darling, and I'm sorry I have been neglecting your needs for so long, so we will start straight away, she said.
    Then she led me to her chair by her vanity table, drew me over her knees and spanked me first with her hand and then her hairbrush long and hard. Well I broke down and was bawling just after she set to with the brush, ignoring my crying and just kept on whacking away until I was a sobbing mess and very sore. It worked a treat and about half an hour after she'd finished, I felt an overwhelming feeling of contentment and love.

    Hairbrushedhubby.

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    1. Thanks Hairbrushedhubby. Seems like several of our readers used the new year as an opportunity for a "reset" on the DD aspects of their relationships.

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  10. New year's resolution for me is to continue to progress that we made at the end of 2016. Over the past 2 weeks, while on vacation, my newly appointed DD/FLR wife (from October 2016) found her legs. We made so much progress. A couple first times for us, while on a brisk walk, she found my attitude was 'arrogant' and that I needed an adjustment. She took me by the hand and led me to our room where significant discipline took place. Another occasion, she was feeling a little stressed by sleep problems. After a brief discussion she agreed to try a stress relief spanking which turned out to be a smashing success for both of us. Our day improved as soon as she put the paddle down. Very nice nice time and eye opening for both of us. Happy new year! Bill

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    1. Hi Bill. Great to hear that you and your wife made such great progress!

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  11. Hello Dan

    Happy 2017 to you and all your readers.

    My wife rang in the the new year by announcing some very significant changes were going to take place in our DD relationship. She feels that we have become all too comfortable in they way things are and so the effects and benefits are starting to wane somewhat.

    Currently I am to be naked when we are alone together and this will not change, however she indents do increase my periods in chastity from 7 days (14 if punished) to one month and be released by ruined orgasm which will have to be consumed.I have been recieving daily 'reminder' spankings for some time but these are often OTK hand spankings and have become more symbolic than disciplinary- now I am to have a 'spanking day' every second day where I will recieve several severe spankings during the day. She feels this will make me more mindful of my discipline by having one day with and one day without and also give her a window to spank extra if required. She has set out a number of goals for me to reach this year and will hold me strictly accountable for these.
    All in all and interesting year ahead! CRM

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    1. CRM -- one question: Do you think it will function as discipline if every other day you automatically get a severe spankings. Doesn't the automatic nature remove the connection between the spanking as disciplined and any bad behavior?

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    2. Hi Dan,

      Without wanting to clog up the comments forum - I hope we wouldn't lose the effectiveness of spanking but I guess for us there is a bit more to it than that: We have been in a DD relationship for about 15 years and during that time the purpose of spanking has changed from its original remit of purely discipline. I suffer from bouts of depresion and certain triggers such as stress and feelings of losing control of things can bring it on, the preceding symptoms of bad temper, becoming introverted and disconected would often have been the cause of discipline spankings,but my wife noticed that my mood would be much improved in the days following a spanking and even prevented the spiral into depresion - this led her to introduce regular maintainence spankings which helped to keep me on an even keel- things further evolved over the years to chastity and me being naked when alone with her- I am far from a submisive person by nature but this dynamic takes my mind away from negative thoughts and to focus more on our business and also brings us closer as a couple. This year we are doing a large expansion to our business and I think my wife is anticipating potential increase in stess and is hoping this will keep me centered.Let's hope! But nothing is fixed in stone and with communication being the key, my wife will adapt as she sees fit for my benefit - she knows me very well and I trust her completely . CRM

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  12. Hello Dan
    Happy New Year. I think the best resolution a husband can make is to always obey his wife or girlfriend. Most if not all male problems stem from disobedience.Make obedience a habit and a commitment this year.You will get fewer spankings in 2017 and have a much happier wife ( which should be every husband's goal). You will also be happier. Obedience is what many men fight against and surrendering to it brings peace.
    Marisa

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    1. Hi Marisa, I couldn't agree more that obedience is what many men fight against, including this one. In lots of different contexts in and out of marriage.

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    2. The woman who introduced me to adult discipline often said before a spanking or during it that she was teaching me to obey or I was receiving a lesson in obedience. She did this regardless of the specific offense I was in trouble for.The lesson did sink in maybe because it was repeated so many times but even today when I am spanked I think of it as a spanking for being disobedient.But when I think about it, disobedience really does lie behind most of the tings we do that get us spanked.It seems simplistic but learning to consistently obey our wives is what DD is all about
      Alan

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    3. Right, Alan. I too think of DD as really being about obedience. And, that is one reason I haven't tried to use it much for help in meeting my own personal goals, and when we have tried it hasn't worked that well. Those kinds of things, like working out regularly, sticking to a diet, cutting back on on-line time, etc., are really MY issues and not things she cares that much about. So, it is hard to make them fit into the "obedience" paradigm. Yes, we can have her order them so that doing it kind of becomes about obeying her, but it's a little contrived.

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  13. Marisa is right. That's exactly what I am working on.

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  14. Dan
    Happy New Year to you and all of my friends here at your blog. My New Years resolution is to focus on my boys and marriage. I have made it clear to Peter the boys need him to be more present in their lives. I also want him to be more open and honest with me. It was a joy to go to New Years Eve party and see the man I first fell in love with there present, having a good time and not finding it necessary to be so drunk that I have to drive home. It was the first New Years Eve that I didnt go to bed angry. We had a lovely time hot and sensual.
    Peter did as I ordered and confessed he does look at porno at the office. He was punished not for looking at it but for first telling a lie when he told me he didnt look ever. I was not born yesterday. I know if a man
    looks at porno he is more than likely aroused and more than likely to relieve himself. Even that wouldn't bother me if he had been open and honest. Therefore I did give him an additional 50 with a belt before the party because he was not. Hanging in the closet is a brand new cane which I will use on Peter. He will toe the line or deal with the results. I wont nag any longer we will just punish. I agree with Marisa surrendering does bring peace. Happy New Year!
    Anna

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    1. Hi Anna. Happy New Year! I'm glad to hear it is getting off to such a good start. Good luck with the new implement!

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  15. The reason I got interested in DD was to achieve goals, the first of which was to eliminate behaviors that upset my wife and negatively impacted our marital relationship. Thereafter to eliminate smoking. Although I am clearly the leader of our family, and my wife prefers it that way, she is the enforcer of rules and objectives we BOTH have agreed on and enforcement only involves those rules, unless amended by mutual agreement to add more. So to that extent my wife's power is limited. However she has the power to determine when, with what, how hard and how long my punishment will be should I violate our agreement. She has grown to enjoy being the enforcer over the years because she knows she is really helping me and she likes the results. I think there may also be a little pay back involved on occasion. I'm rarely spanked anymore because I rarely violate our agreement. The biggest accomplishment was stopping smoking that before DD I tried but consistently failed. Why the improvement? Because my wife realizes the punishment has to be really severe if it is going to do any good. Honestly, I'm scared when I know I have a spanking coming. I know I'm going to live through it, but when it is happening I don't feel I will. These spankings, for me, are a deterrent to not following the rules and goals we have agreed to. We have never considered corner time, writing lines, or anything other the spankings for punishment. They work. I have met most of my goals and work hard to follow the rules. I notice most participants on this blog are older. I think maturity is a necessary condition precedent to make DD work. However I also notice we have a mixed bag of executive level participants who are alpha all the way, and others who prefer to have their wives lead the way. DD seems to work for both personality types, but the one common equation is that we are all spanked and regardless of alphas or betas it seems to work.

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    1. Hi Anonymous.I think my wife too went from skeptical willingness to try to enjoying being the enforcer. You're right that there is a mixed bag of natural alphas who may not like being lead but know it is good for them versus men who really enjoy following. It does seem to work for both, though I think the motivations may be different depending on each person's natural bent. Congratulations on quitting smoking. I smoked years ago and quit long before we got into DD, but I'm sure DD would have given me the necessary leverage to do it much sooner, since like you, I had tried and failed several times before finally doing it.

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    2. I think you are right about the maturity factor. A few years ago the DWC did a comprehensive survey and found the same result.

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    3. We ran a poll here a couple of years ago and found the same thing -- a very heavy tilt toward people over 50. I'm not sure whether that is a function of maturity level or something else.

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    4. It could easily be the sociology of those times too. What ever it is. Whoo Hoo, we are some lucky wierdos :)

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  16. Happy New Year to all!!! I just wanted to say thanks to Dan and everyone else that contributes here, for helped make '16 a very exciting (and OK at times frustrating as well) year for me...it was the year I "came out" to wife about this need and desire. It wasn't an easy thing for me to do.....She is as far from a naturally inclined spanker/disciplinarian....especially when it comes to me. This was a completely new dynamic shift I threw at her out of the blue. In our 25 years of marriage I had always been the proverbial HoH and had always gotten away with some pretty rotten behavior/habits because she wouldn't have dared called me out for it let alone put me in check. She would just be upset in silence. And now I've done a 180 on her and am ASKING her to do just that. All your comments and insights were a huge help for me as i introduced this to her and tried to express and explain things in a way that could make sense to her. We're still on the front end of working through getting her to take the leap and actually incorporating it into our relationship feeling comfortable and confident to take charge of the situation and me. It's been fits and starts....but fingers crossed it starts to really take root in '17!!!

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    1. Hey Darren, great to hear you at least see 2016 as a reasonably good year! I like the way you phrased it as a "coming out" event. It wasn't really like that for me, because I went from having never thought about DD or even knowing it existed, to finding out about it, to suggesting it to my wife and going for it, all over the course of about two weeks. Shows there are a lot of different paths and each journey is different.

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  17. Now onto Dan's topic. A quick comment on one of the most recurring themes we're hearing when it comes to NY resolutions ....weight and fitness. Dan expressed the reality for many of us "our age" that it is harder and harder to drop the pounds and stay on track. If you look at the HUGE and growing diet industry, there is ONE common theme for any diet regimen that works. It's not the actual food you eat or don't...there are a million different views and approaches to what's best for you; low carb, high carb, lean protein, non-fat, no processed wheat ect ect ect. The characteristic of any diet program ( e.g. the Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig of the world) that work is ACCOUNTABILITY! They all incorporate weekly weigh-ins or some form of reporting and tracking. That is the role i have asked my wife if she would play. A weekly meeting, strictly for this purpose. The scale doesn't lie......if it doesn't move down, or god forbid it goes UP....that is directly attributable to my behavior. If the severity of the spanking you know you will get at the upcoming weekly weigh-in is in the back of your mind, you'll certainly think twice before you have another drink (SO caloric), or food you shouldn't have. Another key is persistence and sticking to it....so even when you have had a good weigh-in getting a spanking as a fresh reminder to stay on track during the coming week is perfect motivation. As for the fitness component (a critical aspect)....i want to have to commit to her at our meeting what days of the coming week i'll will work out ....that way in the following weeks meeting I have to be answerable for the COMMITMENT i made TO HER. The last part was an element I wanted to incorporate for a specific reason more than just the workouts. This is something I'm hoping might be a way to get through to her and motivate her to discipline. Moving forward l want to try and tie in the concept that when I do or don't do something we've agreed on, I've broken a commitment i have made to her! That makes it personal between her and i and hence i think is far more severe an infraction than the actually offense itself. So staying in the context of the fitness thing, the idea of having to look her in the eye and tell her "yes....i promise you I am going to workout M, Wd, Fri this week". Then if I don't do it it it's been positioned in such a way to make it more natural for her to look at me and ask...."you committed to me you would do this and then you just chose not to??????. Then the issue is also about the fact that I looked her in the face and had "lied"to her or not kept my word to her. THAT should be far worse than not going to the gym one day. The hope is to have her start looking at my behavior and the discipline in a more macro way of keeping my word to her. So moving forward whenever I don't behave well or as i should, the consequence is for a bigger reason than something that on it's own might be able to be brushed off as "no big deal".

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    1. I hope the accountability program works for you. I haven't asked my wife to go that route, but maybe I need to give it a try. The weight loss issue is really frustrating to me. I am a relatively slim guy anyway, so maybe I'm just setting unrealistic goals at this stage of my life, but I have been pretty good on diet this week and done pretty hard cardio workouts four straight days, and yet this morning I got on the scale after the latest workout and was up a pound! Damn, damn, damn!

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    2. Well I unfortunately have a Large weight range i swing back and forth in going from really fit to overweight, lethargic and just laying on the couch. getting to the age (53) that sooner or later not going to be able to continue to recoup from getting pretty overweight. i need to get on a more consistent and healthy path and stop going from one extreme to the other. I need regular accountability so when i get off track I'm put back on it.

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    3. "Accountability agreements" with my DWC wife have helped with my "life projects" a great deal. But what I have learned over the years is that I have to create self-accountability to go along with her attentions.

      It is not exactly motivating for her to put time and energy into "supervising" and not see maturity and growth as part of the result.

      So what I am saying is, even though the wife monitors and disciplines, it's still a partnership; not a kind of endless passivity on the man's side.

      Hope this makes sense to all.

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  18. Good luck Darren, to you and your wife. If your wife agrees with your proposal, and I hope she will, it will work. You will lose weight and stay in shape. A similar agreement has worked for me and produced. However, don't set you goals too high. Take things a little at a time.

    Fred

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