Saturday, December 3, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 183 - "Worth it" and Political Recap


“Every time you break the law you pay, and every time you obey the law you pay.” -- John Gardner

Hi all.  Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.  I was hoping to come back from our break and vacation a little better rested and rejuvenated.  I also hoped to use the break to get back on track with some of the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year and on which I've made little or no progress thanks to not doing much other than work.  I thought I accomplished all that and was hoping to get back and hit the gym with more vigor, hit my job with more enthusiasm, and get my butt hit by my wife harder and more frequently if I didn't do those things, then we both got pummeled with some nasty bug. Seems to be shaping up to be another bad cold and flu season, but I guess I can be thankful for getting mine out of the way relatively early.

So, it's certainly been an interesting few weeks.  Regardless of how you personally feel about the U.S. election, we are where we are.  Based on our poll results, it may be that a majority of our readers are happier than others.  The results were:

Democrat
  27 (28%)
Republican
  38 (39%)
Independent
  21 (21%)
Libertarian
  6 (6%)
Green
  4 (4%)
Other
  0 (0%)

 But, people did not exactly vote the party-line this time.  Instead, here are how folks actually voted:

Republican
  44 (45%)
Democrat
  40 (41%)
Libertarian
  5 (5%)
Green
  3 (3%)
Other
  3 (3%)
Didn't vote
  2 (2%)

Now, one observation on the actual vote tally is our readership is either more politically inclined than the general population, or they lie like a rug, because a hell of a lot more than 2% of the population didn't vote at all.

Regarding party affiliation, the results are not wildly different from those in a similar poll I ran a year ago, but it is interesting to me that once again, a year later and with greater participation in the poll (96 vs. 60), the readership for this blog again does not mirror the electorate as a whole.  According a Gallup poll taken in October of this year, 27% of respondents identified as Republican,  36% are Independents, and 32% identify as Democrats. Our readers, on the other hand, trend more heavily Republican, and Independents are wildly under-represented compared to their presence in the population at large.  Without getting into wild speculation about whether Republican men just like being spanked and dominated more than those with more Democratic and Independent leanings, I still suspect that a lot of this skewing of the political affiliation really reflects the skewing of the age demographic.  The last poll I did on that topic showed that this blog's readership skews heavily toward those over age 50, and Republicans are a larger portion of that age group, and older voters also are more likely to identify with one of the two major parties as opposed to Independent or unaffiliated.  Anyway, I'm sure many of you don't have the slightest interest in this, but as I have freely admitted, I am a bit of a political junkie.

On to other things.  In addition to this nasty illness I've picked up, I am suffering through a somewhat well-deserved hangover following our first holiday party of the season.  Particularly given that I was already feeling lousy, I planned to limit my alcohol consumption but, as usual, "best laid plans . . ." and all that.  I stayed at the party later than my wife, and got away with that only by pledging not to drink more, which I of course promptly broke.  It was not a "party like a rock star" kind of night, but still enough to leave me cranky and tired.  And, this comes after we had just agreed that she would amp up the severity and the number of spankings for this particular kind of infraction.  And, I knew that going into the party, and yet did it anyway.

Therefore, this week's topic relates to the above quote.  For those of us in DD relationships, there is a price to be paid for misbehavior.  But, the simple fact is that we often engage in that misbehavior because it is, well, fun.  We like doing something, and not doing it comes at a certain price in missed fun, etc.  So, are there things you like so much, or maybe habits that are just so hard to break, that you consciously decide to do it even though you know doing so will probably get you spanked, because part of you thinks the activity is "worth it" -- worth taking a good hard spanking?

Now, speaking for myself, that isn't really how it works.  The #1 thing I do that results in me draped over the bed or ottoman with her applying the paddle or strap to my naked bottom is over-indulging with alcohol.  Part of it is just habit.  I grew up in a community that drank a lot, my college experience was like something out of Animal House, and my profession is notoriously boozy.  But, the plain fact is I also just enjoy it, particularly the social aspect.  


I like hanging out and talking to friends and colleagues over beers.  Sometimes several of them. But, I can't say that I ever really consciously think, "I am going to have that third drink, even if she spanks me for it."   Instead, I tend to just not think about the prospect of a spanking at all.  I have the first beer, and then all thought of future punishment just vanishes from my head.

Speaking of being draped over the bed or ottoman, I do want to report that while our DD and FLR hit a lull while on vacation and hasn't recovered much due to our illnesses, prior to leaving for vacation our new system of bi-weekly check-ins was resulting in me getting away with way less and my behavior actually was improving. So, ladies, consistency in application really does seem to be the key to going from punishment to actual discipline that results in some behavior change.  It's also proving that where FLR is concerned, practice does make perfect.  At our party last night, we were talking to another couple, and my wife handed me her wine glass and said very directly, "Go get me another."  It was very pointedly NOT phrased as a question or a request.  That would never have happened a year ago.

Finally, in honor of finally putting up our tree today, along with some lights on the house (why do I feel like we are constantly behind . . .)

Have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please take a minute to stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship or aspirations.

39 comments:

  1. Dan,
    You are not alone on this one. Several years ago my wife and I figured out that almost half of my spankings ( at that time) came between Thanksgiving and mid January ( parties and family gatherings.) That is when she started what one of your commentators ( AL?) called "preventative spankings". These are spankings administered before party's or events in which historically my behavior had earned me a spanking after the fact. Her reasoning was that if she was going to have to spank me eventually , she would prefer to avoid the behavior and get it done before rather than afterward. Most preventatives are done several hours before a party or we get into the car to travel and designed to give me a warm bottom that reminds me what could happen. With one unforgettable exception this does work to prevent really bad public behavior. It does not always make my behavior perfect but I am careful enough that she is satisfied.There are now three or four of these scheduled before holiday events and they have become so routine she actually often puts them on the calendar.This gets to your point about that second ( or third) drink just pushing the reality of future punishment out of your mind.) The reality of punishment is very much on your mind after a recent spanking ( For me that feeling lasts at least two or three days) So sipping your drinks, avoiding family confrontations and boorish behavior is much easier. One added thing about exceeding drinking limits and spanking. Consistency and immediacy is really the key to stopping it. I know without any doubt that pouring that third glass of wine will earn me an immediate trip upstairs where I will be persuasively reminded why I want to be a moderate drinker. Of course this isn't possible in public settings or when entertaining and hence why I still occasionally get in trouble for over imbibing.That alcohol can be a seductive temptress but thanks to my beautiful wife I usually let it go.
    Alan

    PS - watch that quiet well behaved polite fellow at the party with you and try to guess whether he either has recently spent quality time over his wife's lap or is trying to avoid same.Dan, I know you are not a great believer that there are many spanked husbands lurking in the shadows. But watch and see what you think. It's fun if nothing else.

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    1. Hey Alan, good to hear from you. I've thought about the preventative spanking thing, and it does sound like a good idea, though I had not really connected the dots before your comment that doing it right before an event would serve as a good reminder of what could come later if I don't behave.

      To be clear, it's not that I believe that there are NOT many spanked husbands out there. I just don't know that there are and haven't seen much evidence of it. If pressed, I would say that I doubt that we are out there in huge numbers -- at least if we are talking about real disciplinary spankings. I would guess 5% or less. But, the plain truth is, I just don't know.

      That said, regarding watching others, the man in the couple we were talking to also made multiple trips to the bar to get his wife her drink. If I had to guess, he is just a gentleman who does things for his wife and not a disciplined husband, but who knows??

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  2. I don't think about doing something that would get me punished because "it would be worth it ". Most of my infractions are rooted in not thinking first at all, being impetuous and impatient.

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  3. On the political side: I registered Republican well before the Primaries and I am (was) a "Never Trump" person. Obviously I kept to it, but who I chose to vote for didn't matter. Damn the electoral college! THEY deserve a spanking!

    I took the paddle to Shilo's bottom today, but it hurt me more. BOO!

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    1. Hi Merry. That definitely does not sound like the most effective punishment if you are the one feeling the pain!

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  4. Dan
    I think my Peter falls into the same category as both you and KDPierre. I confess I was more than just a little concerned about Peter's behavior on Thanksgiving. He and my brother in law couldn't be further apart politically. To make matters worse, My sister and her hubby stayed over night at our home on Thanksgiving. I warned Peter any nasty comments would result in more than just one punishment session.
    Of course, Peter's impatience and wicked tongue ignored the warning. I will only say that I stayed true to my promise. By the time Peter went to work monday he was well reminded.
    anna

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    1. Hi Anna. I definitely sympathize with him, especially where politics are concerned. And, it's getting harder and harder. I'm one of those people whose older relatives have absolutely no restraint in sending out offensive emails on any variety of topics and have no filter in expressing their own political opinions, no matter how stupid or embarrassing. My view is, I'm not going to start a fight, but I'm also not so into unilateral disarmament. In fact, since they are so adverse to political correctness and supposedly want someone to "tell it like it is," I figure that they kind of have it coming. So, if my wife placed the kind of restriction on me that you did on Peter, like him I probably would have a very sore bottom after ever holiday gathering! But, that is why you and she are in charge -- YOU get to decide what will and won't be tolerated.

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    2. When I talked to Peter's sister on Monday, she was still upset. Peter's mom was there and that sort of thing really upsets her. My sister in law asked " what are we going to do with the boys ?
      I said without thinking. " I dont know about you but the next time it happens in my home I am going to spank both of them and put them in the corner!" She laughed and without thinking I replied " No, that isnt a joke I mean it. If they want to act like bad boys they need to be spanked" Ah family .. now you get back to a proper routine. Happy Holidays!
      Anna

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    3. I am " on notice" for Thanksgiving as well. But my wife only requires me to be civil and constructive. I do not have to accept the uncivil untutored babble of barbarians of which both families sport a few. It can be a thin line and I agree that a wife gets to set the boundaries.And I have been fairly spanked in time past for exceeding them. But I think I have learned where that line is and I don't believe a husband should be punished for a civil and reasonable expression of views and my wife backs me up on that.This also goes back to Dan's earlier points about alcohol. If you keep your tongue connected to your brain nothing too bad will happen.
      Alan

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  5. You mentioned the regular check-ins. As of now, I deliver a "productivity sheet" to my wife every day between 5:00 and 6:00 and sit with her as she reviews how my time was spent. I do my best to keep accurate track.
    She is more than fair about it; not the type to be looking for excuses to spank me (she doesn't need to anyway).

    Early on after we started it she began pointing out places where I was wasting a lot of time. Especially if something important went undone or unfinsihed and it could have been done I got a good spanking. She absolutely hates to give me a spanking and not see behavior change. So she made sure I would be keen to avoid a follow up. Plus before even starting the regular check-ins, she has always made it clear that anything that gets repeated after discipline triggers a doubling of the session. Well you don't have to be a math genius to realize that after the first repeat it becomes doubling the doubling. I have been there and DO NOT care to go back.

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    1. Hi Tomy. That sounds like a great system, at least for those of us who tend to fritter away lots of time each day.

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    2. Man, I must have cursed myself or something by writing that last entry about the doubling. I have been doing everything right vis a vis the productivity stuff. And in fact it is making me feel better about myself in general.

      But I got careless about something else that I was spanked for within the last couple of weeks; and before that a couple of months ago. Also it has safety implications for our home. So last night I got my "reward". I can't even report what implements she used because I didn't actually see them. But I was desperate for it to be over. Begging and apologizing was a waste of breath

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  6. Dan;
    Regarding your comment: “..., I can't say that I ever really consciously think, ‘I am going to have that third drink, even if she spanks me for it.’ Instead, I tend to just not think about the prospect of a spanking at all. I have the first beer, and then all thought of future punishment just vanishes from my head.”

    Can I ask: What would the difference be if your relationship with your wife was not a disciplinary relationship, but she still disapproved of your drinking beyond moderation. Would you still freely indulge in alcohol consumption, even to the point of over indulgence? Do you think that there is anything she could say to you or do that would make you stop, or at least moderate your drinking? If so, what would that be? And if there are multiple answers, what response or action from Angela would have the greatest impact resulting in you moderating you drinking?

    Just asking. I hope you answer. And as always, thanks for the blog. I really enjoy it.

    Jack

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    1. Jack, keep in mind, she and I have not always been in a disciplinary relationship. We had been married for well over a decade before we started DD. So, the short answer is, we HAVE been in a non-DD relationship in which she disapproved of the same behavior she disapproves of today. The difference is, while it used to result in fights or lots of passive-aggressive responses, she now has a very concrete way in which to express her displeasure.

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    2. Dan;

      Thank you for the response.

      I did understand that you started your relationship sometime after you were married. I did not understand that there was disagreement, over that issue, before the discipline relationship began. I think, though, that my question was not answered.

      "What response or action from Angela would have the greatest impact RESULTING IN YOU MODERATING YOUR DRINKING?"

      Jack

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    3. More rigorous and consistent enforcement of the DD regime we already have in place. And, my own incentive to suggest alternatives is low because, as you will note, this whole topic is about things we do that we enjoy to such an extent that we will risk punishment, even when our spouses want the behavior to change. That being the case, she is the HoH, she is the Leader in our FLR relationship and, therefore, she can decide what she wants to try to address things if she wants to do so.

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  7. I like to play practical jokes on my wife. Most times she's good hearted about it. A couple years ago I put ben gay on the toilet seat. She was grumpy that day to begin with and when I got to work the text message arrived that she didn't think it funny and will be " discussed " later. True to her word, when I got home she was sitting at the dining table paddle in hand. As penance was being delivered she asked if I still thought it was funny ? I laughed a little making the session much harder and longer. Yea. It was worth it. Lol

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  8. BTW, I updated this post with an "inspirational" postcard that I thought was pretty damn funny and fit the topic.

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  9. Hi Dan

    A question about your current poll. Does enforced chastity and orgasm denial include simply being forbidden to masturbate .That has been my status for a long time but I don't feel she has me in chastity ( no mechanical devices) and orgasms are definitely regulated but not really denied .
    Alan

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    1. That probably qualifies, though once again one of my polls seems to have been less than precise.

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    2. Thanks and don't feel bad about imprecise polls. Half of the nations pollsters seem to have the same problem

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    3. We do the same. Honor denial is what we call it. Honor chastity it could be. The device is trust or honor not a physical device

      Tease and deny is a tortuous game when the denial extends to weeks

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  10. Dan
    I have to admit that I was totally at fault for getting into the fuss over politics with my brother in law on Thanksgiving. Before we entered the house Anna reminded me to not argue no matter what my brother in law said to bait me. I promised to keep the peace. We were not in the house two minutes my Mom pulled me into kitchen and literally begged me to hold my tongue. I promised again i would not say a word.
    I lasted till the pumpkin pie, and I hasten to add i had no liquor stronger than a glass of a rather inferior Pino that my BIL had brought. Anyway he went off on how inferior Obama was and what a relief to have a man with sense like Trump. My fear of my wife's brush, my love of my sweet Mom who had cooked for hours went right out the window.
    When we got home I didnt need to be told, while Anna got the boys to bed I stripped and waited with my nose to the wall and waited. The waiting always bothers me more than anything. I will say the disappointment in my Mom's eyes when I behaved badly, hurt more than the brush.
    Peter
    PS I will say the second nite of the brush it just hurt. The third nite i vowed that at Christmas I will allow Anna to sew my mouth shut. Ah the holidays!

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    1. Peter, it sounds like at the very least you need Anna to talk to your sister and explain to her the wonders of using DD to bring about harmonious family gatherings, so that if your boorish BIL insists on instigating such discussions maybe he gets the same treatment? :-)

      Have to be honest, this one may very fall into the category of "Worth IT"!

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    2. between u and me.. felt i was taking one for the team

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    3. Personally, I hardly talk politics with anyone these days. If I thought talking, arguing, whatever might make any difference I probably would step up. But I don't think so.

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  11. Peter
    Your situation sounds a lot like mine. You are almost certain to get into trouble with her on that ( Thanksgiving) occasion. Why not just deal with it before the event and avoid the family drama.Ask Anna to administer a preventative next family gathering. It really works especially if the spanking happens not more than 24 hours before hand.
    Alan

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    1. Alan

      Thank you! Trust me I intend to take care of Christmas Eve family gathering in just this way.

      Anna

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    2. Good luck and Merry Christmas
      Alan

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  12. My wife firmly believes in preventative action - She will give me a 12 stroke caning before we go out to any social gathering that I don't feel partial to attending. This will be doubled on our return if I have been less than charming. Where Alcohol may be involved, I get to decide how many drinks I want before going out, then I receive a caning for each drink prior to leaving the house (12 strokes per drink) - if I exceed the agreed amount of alcohol, then the next day I can expect to receive double the amount of strokes plus the extras for each additional drink taken and and a further spanking if my behaviour was boorish as a result of my drinking. Thankfully this has only happened a couple of times in the last ten years or so. As you can imagine I am now a very light drinker!

    CRM

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    1. Thanks, CRM. This seems to illustrate that if a wife really wants to, she has the power to make almost anything "not worth it" if she is really determined to do so.

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    2. Very true Dan, but there is a plus side - I used to drink quite a lot socially, perhaps three or four times a week and it had started to affect my work performance, my health and our relationship. Once my wife decided enough was enough , we agreed on the solution: not total abstinence but rather control and moderation with consequences. Within a year I had lost so much weight that I went back to the size I used to be at university! so I can't really argue against that or any of the other benefits. CRM

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    3. Moderation with consequences would be an ideal for me, but I think the consequences for me would have to much more severe than they are now for it to work with me. I can go days and days with no alcohol, and that doesn't bother me at all. The problem is, once I have one, it usually becomes four or five and, as I said in the post, it's not that I decide to do that despite the consequences. Rather, I just don't think of those consequences at all.

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  13. That's exactly what I am up against. One little drink immediately "calls for another" vis a vis brain chemistry

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