Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 170 -- After the Spanking

“To cry was to release all sorts of ugly little pressures and tensions. Like waking out of a long, dark dream to a sun-filled day.” -- Anne McCaffrey

Hi all.  Welcome back to The Forum -- Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

We had a good discussion of contracts last week.  If there was a general consensus, it seemed to be that a contract could be a useful tool, especially at the beginning of a DD or FLR relationship, but might not serve as much of a purpose later or if the DD or FLR aspect of the relationship took off later in an established relationship where the communication is already solid and open.  I did put up a poll to try to assess how many people are using such contracts, so if you haven't done so yet, please take a moment to vote 

I will probably add more to this topic later today, as I'm a little time challenged this morning.  But for now, today's topic comes from Anna, who suggested the following: What do men feel and how do they act right after discipline?  Is there corner time or other rules?  


We've talked about corner time fairly recently, so let's focus on her broader question of what men feel after a real disciplinary spanking and whether the couple has any kind of post-spanking ritual or tradition, whether corner time, after-care . . . sex, etc.  
I'll talk a little more later about our own routine and what I'm feeling immediately after, but for now I'm off to take care of some other things.

Have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (see tab above) and tell us a little bit about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship or aspirations to be in one.

25 comments:

  1. I generally roll over and either hug or hold my lioness' hand. We have no special post-punishment rituals. I do need a bit of time to recover; usually less than five minutes.

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  2. We don't really have any kind of post-spanking rules, though 90% lead to sex afterward, and often a lot talk about what we are doing, how it is working, how we want to move this forward, etc.

    As for what I'm feeling, there have been one or two times when it has resulted in a "healthy fear" that is oddly appealing. More often, especially after a really hard one, it is a sense of being in awe of her and also feeling a weird kind of safety. Like I've stepped out of line and someone has put me back where I need to be, closer to who I am without as much ego getting in the way. It's hard to explain if you haven't been there. I've heard it called "sub space," which kind of fits.

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    1. Yes, I completely agree with you about the feelings. We also very very often end up being intimate. I know some people object to intimacy after punishment, but I tend to think of it as a form of aftercare. I admire his strength, feel centered, often repentant, and always very submissive.

      Regarding "sub space," this isn't sub space. I thought that, too, at first, but sub space is very different. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but would like to offer a bit of clarification. Post-spanking hormones can give a feeling of euphoria, relaxation, happiness, and calm. But sub space is very different.

      Sub space is a state of "pleasant" shock, typically happening after a fairly intense, long BDSM session. The bottom needs to feel safe, and there very often needs to be a variety of intensities and sensations for sub space to occur. I've been to sub space several times, and each time was after a very long spanking, with many implements, the swats varying in intensity. Sub space is an altered sense of awareness. Often the bottom loses the ability to speak, (and can't safeword, so the Top needs to proceed carefully). I couldn't speak when I was in subspace. The bottom can crash after sub space, often resulting in uncontrollable shaking. Jason held me skin-to-skin and covered me in a blanket until I could talk again. After sub space, the feeling of euphoria can last for hours, even into the next day. In any event, sub space after a maintenance or punishment session may not be impossible, but it is extremely unlikely.

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    2. Hi J Girl! As always, thanks so much for stopping by. I will totally take your word on what Sub space is and is not. I should also probably clarify what I have felt, because it varies. Sometimes, I'm just glad it's over and I don't feel a lot emotionally. Other times, and most often, I feel that sense of contentment and calm and connection. In combination with the physical intimacy, it is as you say, a form of aftercare for me. But, there have been a few times where she has spanked me (a) very hard, for (b) something that had her riled even if I didn't totally accept it, and (c) where there was just an extra level of "reality" to her being in control and me NOT so, that the feeling was -- it's very hard to describe. Not really resentment, not real fear . . . The best I can come up with is respect. Real respect for authority. Probably more like what a hard school paddling used to be like. You leave with a new or reinforced sense that you really do need to stay within bounds. While some people who don't like this lifestyle or want to keep it at the level of play-acting will see that as a bad thing, for those of us who want to be reined in, it's kind of the goal.

      Thanks again for stopping by.

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    3. Dan
      Not to argue but I think what you describe is " subspace". It is yours and yours alone. I am sure what J girl described is hers. To me when you say respect. Respect only comes with those you can trust.
      a faithful reader

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    4. Hi faithful. I'm sure "sub space" could mean, or at least be experienced as, different things for different people. I may have, in fact, been misusing it, as really using it as a label for feeling submissive to someone, which is not a natural state for me so on those rare occasions when I do feel it, it is a separate kind of space or state of mind. On "respect," I think it can have different connotations too. It can be something you confer on someone you trust, as you say. I was using it more in the sense, however, conceding the reality of someone's power of you. It is hard to articulate what I mean. Something along the lines of, "I just got spanked hard whether I wanted to be or not, for something I may or may not have felt should have earned me one . . . so this power exchange is real and I need to respect this person's power over me." The simple example I gave above was a school paddling, which was pretty common where I grew up. I didn't necessarily respect the Principal who would be swinging that paddle, in terms of did I trust or like them, but I knew that they had the power to make me bend over that desk or grab my ankles whether I liked it or not, agreed with the severity, etc. It was the very fact that they could take my control away that made the power difference between us real and consequential. That's the best I can do.

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  3. A few months ago I really upset her. She said she thought about leaving. After she calmed she came in to tell me she was going to give me the hardest spanking if all our 26 years together. She went back upstairs and not another word was said for days. Not knowing when it was going to happen was agonizing. I dreaded thinking about it but also wanted it over with. Finally a week later she was sitting at the kitchen table and said " it was time ". She told me to bring her the spencer paddle. As I turned to retrieve it she had a change of heart and said to bring her hairbrush instead. When I returned I took my place across her lap. She usually lectures and gives a couple dozen swats over my clothes to begin. This time little was said and she instantly pulled my sweatpants down and went to work with the brush. I jumped and squirmed the enire time. This was by far the hardest she's ever done. I tried to count but lost track around 70. When it was finally over she had to help me up. I rate all of her spankings and this was an 8.5. Had she used the paddle I'm certain it would've been an easy 10. Once composed I truly felt relieved and forgiven. The remorse and guilt I felt for weeks was gone. I physically felt the pressure go away and I could breath again. She gave me a hug and I knew were good again. She said my bottom was hit and bruised. I could feel it for several days after. I didn't enjoy it at all but felt better. We " made up " later in bed and all has been fine since. Does anyone else rate their spankings ?

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    1. No, I can't say I've ever rated them per se.

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    2. I would never "rate" the spankings. But I get that some guys are more or less "data-oriented and it works for them. For me, it would feel like I was judging her performance. And that would not work for my particular relationship - even if she never heard about the "scores".

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  4. A domme that I was interacting with decided that I had disobeyed her. It wasn't intentional disobedience on my part and I didn't realize that it was disobedience.

    However it was her decision to make and she sentenced me to considerably more strokes with a ruler than I had experienced before. The punishment was swift, decisive and effective. She clearly let me know, on the spot, that I had committed an infraction and took corrective action. Her action very clearly made me aware of her authority.

    There is no question that my level of obedience increased dramatically after this punishment. It also made me think about what constitutes obedience and disobedience. As well it made me realize that I had to pay more attention to her orders.

    I_ObeyHer
    (my FetLife name)

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    1. I think this also makes the point -- a ruler not being the most threatening of instruments -- that swift and decisive may be necessary to a spanking being really effective.

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  5. My first thought, " than God it's over." Physically I'm exhausted from trying to get through it. And although my wife has paddled the devil out of me, I'm appreciative that she did it because she did it for my benefit. Don't ask me why, probably because she evened the score and my misbehavior has been dealt with, but I love her for doing it. I just want to hold her in my arms until the experience is over. My wife will usually smile at that point and kiddingly say I bet you won't do that again. We hug some more and that often leads to bedroom activity . Everybody is happy again.

    Fred

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    1. Hi Fred. Sounds very much like what we do and what I feel like when it is over. Interesting, she has recently started insisting that I stop tensing, holding my breath, etc. throughout it, to try to remove that element of "trying to get through it."

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  6. I'm always uptight and tense before discipline so relieved when it's over and glad to have paid the penalty and cleared the air.
    We keep discipline in a 'box' that only comes out when needed. There's no sympathy upfront but always a hug after it and then it's put back in its box with her going off and changing back into normal clothes and I'm left wiping the cane and putting it away, tidying up the punishment room and finishing the notes. I get dressed and if feeling sorry for myself slink off into the garage for a while but more often than not, like her, I'll get on with whatever needs doing next.

    Dave

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    1. Hi Dave. Me getting dressed, putting away tools and tidying up the room are also part of our routine.

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  7. A lot depends on my mindset afterwards, but generally it is expected that I at least thank her for the correction. Sometimes I do so almost eagerly and sometimes I do it a bit grudgingly. Often we hug or cuddle.............but not always. With us things are generally fluid, so we rarely do things the same way each and every time.

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    1. Thanks, KD. We haven't really done the thanking her thing, but I could see it being added to our routine at some point.

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  8. Jacob, I initiated the spankings, my wife at first was not acceptable, but since then she has taken charge. After a spanking stand against the wall, not facing, she wants to see me crying, remind me I'm no longer erect. Anyone that might drop in I must turn and face the wall, not leave, but stay. Sometimes she has me sit on her lap and consoles me, reminds me of why I was spanked. A few times I have had to wear pajamas the rest of the day, no matter when I got a spanking. She also reminds me there are others after spanking things she can do and I best be good or will learn about them. She takes the spanking very serious now, reminds me I was the one who wanted them, and she will do her best, and boy has she.

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  9. Dan
    Before being disciplined by Anna I always feel that strange anticipation mixed with dread. More than once I have been aroused by the wait. She often leaves me standing naked in the corner of the room. Hands to be resting at the base of the spine and nose pressed to the wall. The mind spins and I cant deny there is a sexual or sensual feeling about the wait. As Anna has grown as my disciplinnarian I realize this is not play.
    This is meant to guide me back off my ego trip.
    When on all fours on the bed, waiting I often feel I will explode. There is fear and yes I confess anger that I am allowing this to happen. After the first few swats, be it with belt, paddle or a cane, she will order me to breathe and relax. When I follow those simple orders it seems my mind goes to that place of acceptance of what I deserve. I know I trust her not to injure me and also know she loves me. When she is done she will kiss the back of my neck and order me to return to the corner. I stay there until.....
    I wait to be taken to the bed and embraced. curled up in her arms more than once i have shed tears and at the same time felt a surge of respect and love to this woman. Those moments in her forgiving embrace are my sub space.
    peter

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    1. Hey Peter. I wish I had something other than short-term memory impairment to attribute the arousal to, but your guess is as good as mine. It's not like I don't know that the spanking itself can be awful, but the arousal is always there. Yet, I am absolutely not a sadist. I don't like pain, and have no desire to be spanked outside the DD context. I am kind of giving up on trying to figure it out. But, I do totally understand the after-spanking surge of respect and love.

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  10. M in the desert here.

    Since all my punishments consist of her mercilessly and relentlessly belting my bare ass black and blue there’s no type of loving or sympathetic aftercare. Yup, even after 30+ yrs. of her belting the daylights out of me regularly it’s not that difficult for her to put bruises on my lily white ass.

    Before I go into the aftermath, she doles out punishment on Sunday mornings. Seems to be the best time to spare me the humiliation of somebody showing up or neighbors hearing. But, unfortunately, I’m not always lucky in that respect.

    Afterwards, I’m sore and just grateful it’s over. We did corner time/wall-standing for many years, usually in the kitchen or living room, until I suffered a foot injury quite a few years ago. Then up until a couple of years ago it was get beat and get back to my chores, or added ones if my normal ones were already completed. Now I have to spend an hour or two after punishment doing chores in a well, um, err… Oh drat! A disposable diaper! And anyone over the age of three, I guess, who has had to put one these infernal contraptions on for whatever reason, and no matter how briefly, has my sympathy.

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    1. The pull up diapers or the other type?

      Joe

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  11. Thank you for your discussions...At this time i do not get disciplined as much as i deserve i am sure. But when i received a spanking more regularly my Wife began allowing me to suckle Her breast as a way of calming down after care. She does not prefer that i suck Her breast but to lick and kiss in those intimate times but after punishment i am allowed to suckle.

    Luvinhub

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  12. It very much depends on the kind of spanking I "deserve". After a quick OTK hand- or paddle spanking, all that is expected of me is to apologizeand to thank J.
    If the occasion calls for sterner punishhmnent (involving not only the paddle or the wooden spoon, but also the martinet, the strap, the rattan cane, the crop etc. I will be expected to kneel and kiss her hand and/or feet as well as the last "tool" she applied to my (usually very sore) backside.

    A spell of corner time (to be served bare-bottomed) often follows - time permitting - and J. does not dispense with it if one of her friends is due to visit...

    But, sooner of later, some "making up" is in order (and this is a well-earned compensation for a fire-hot derrière!)

    L.

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