Saturday, July 30, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 168 - There are Spankings, and There are Spankings

When pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure. -- Jane Austen

Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  Our weekly gathering of men and women in or wanting to be in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

I've learned over the course of the last three years that some topics work, and some don't.  We can probably write last week's off as one that seemed to put everyone to sleep. Or, maybe it's just the lazy heat of summer sapping everyone of their interest? Or maybe a combination of both.  Any how . . .

We finished up another poll last week.  This one focused on the extent to which people mix erotic and disciplinary spankings.  We got 102 responses, which broke down as follows:

Discipline only
            31 (30%)
 
Erotic or play only
            17 (16%)
 
Both
            54 (52%)

"Both" won by a pretty big margin, though "Discipline Only" was the practice for 1/3 of our respondents.  I will take this as another data point showing that people come to Domestic Discipline for different reasons.  Some are into spanking independent of DD, while others seem to be using it as a tool and only as a tool.  Or, maybe for them the disciplinary spanking does have some appeal in and of itself but that appeal doesn't carry over to erotic spankings?

We are in the "discipline only" camp.  I'm not sure that erotic spankings would work for us.  In fact, when we first started DD, we made the conscious decision that spankings had to be hard and difficult to take, because she was adamant that she did not want them to function as any sort of reward for bad behavior. But, in truth, that isn't really the reason we don't do it.  At least for me, I just don't have any real attraction to erotic spankings.  Even looking at spanking content on the internet, if it doesn't have a strong disciplinary or punishment component, it does little or nothing for me.  That's why although I recognize that for many a spanking fetish underlies the interest in domestic discipline, I'm not one of them.

How about you?  Do you mix erotic and disciplinary spankings?  Do you make sure that the former doesn't detract from the effectiveness of the latter?

I hope you have a good week.  As always, if you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (see tab above) and tell us a little about yourself.







 

26 comments:

  1. Strictly disciplinary for us although he does become erect when spanking is imminent.That almost immediately disappears once I start and does not reappear even during extended corner time.Spanking him does nothing for me erotically although being in charge and resolving issues quickly is a great stress reducer and our sex life is much more active than before I started discipline. That reflects our improved relationship rather than any erotic boost from spanking
    Holly

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    1. Hi Holly. It's great that being in charge is a stress reducer for you. Thanks!

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    2. Sounds like a win win :)))))))))))

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  2. When I have to report to the den for my punishment time I am erect standing naked when being scolded and I have to bring her the hairbrush but once I am over her lap and she is hitting her mark I loose it she does put me on her lap and talks to me about what just happened I get erect again but she puts me in the corner until it is gone !

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    1. My wife Janet is old school a punishment spanking is just that ! but I do get fun spankings, she will sometimes after I shower and dry off she will come up put her arms around me take her hand and spank my bare bottom that can be erotic ! Robert

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  3. For us it's a little of both. It started out as play and at times still is but we discovered when used as discilpline things changed for the better. When a hard spanking is given for a valid reason the situation is no longer erotic. As Holly stated , my wife feels the stress of the problem go away and I in turn I feel forgiven. Jr

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    1. Thanks, Jr. Ours did start very early on as play, but that phase didn't last very long (a couple of months) and didn't do much for either of us.

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  4. For us it is both also. If the spanking is not too hard I will stay turned-on the complete time. We sometimes do this before making love and gets me going. The discipline spanking start with an erection but that goes away very fast. I'm excited by my wife taking control. She doesn't seem to be excited by giving the spanking, but like the control and ability to change my behavior. I read once that the good thing about a spanko is he has a on/off switch to his eroticism and it's his bottom.

    John

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    1. The "on/off" concept is probably very true.

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    2. well, we learn so much from others............

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  5. Strictly discipline. My partner is old school too and firmly believes sparing the rod spoils so an appointment for discipline is as erotic as having a tooth out. I know that if the unimaginable happened and I managed the slightest sign of arousal, the consequences would be severe even if it wasn't until the hug after it.
    Our sexual relationship is as important as discipline to us but so is not mixing them so discipline is always kept completely separate and is never around bedtime or in the bedroom.

    Dave

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    1. Erotic as having a tooth out . . . I like that. You do seem to be an exception, however, in not getting physically aroused beforehand. Another good topic.

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    2. Dan
      I am glad you mentioned the arousal factor beforehand. That is a great topic. In my case the arousal goes away but I would be less than honest if I didnt admit that there have been spankings that recalled weeks or months later have left me rock hard.

      peter

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    3. Hey Peter. I need to think about that one. I'm not sure whether the memory of a spanking has given me that reaction, though the prospect of one certainly has.

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    4. Dan
      With all due respect, if the prospect of being spanked has an erotic component to it before it occurs, then is it not erotic? It seems to me the act of submitting to your partner also has an erotic component to it.
      Anna

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    5. Hi Anna, it clearly does in some way, though I don't claim to know why it does, for me or anyone else. For me, it must be linked to the submission more than the spanking because, as I've said before, I don't feel any particular attraction to spanking outside the disciplinary context. So, if the spanking isn't what is causing that arousal, it must be the idea of being disciplined, submitting, etc. Another interesting thing about the arousal is it must be pretty hard-wired for most of us who are into this, because while it is easy to understand getting aroused before you have experienced a real punishment spanking, it is harder to understand why men like us who have been spanked very hard--some to tears--still get aroused when they know exactly what is coming and how bad it will be.

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  6. Hi Dan,
    The girlfriend who introduced me to spanking told me I had some self destructive behaviors that she thought could be modified with corporal punishment. So from the beginning my orientation has been discipline tied to behavior, something my wife continued and intensified.I have never experienced what I understand to be an "erotic spanking". But I can be aroused by remembering one and I used to be erect when one was looming ( my wife trained me to not do that) So eroticism pervades the spanking experience even when the objective is discipline or punishment.For me that's a paradox, how spanking can be erotic on some level and at the same time be genuine discipline or punishment. But it does work that way for me and apparently many others
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. Agreed, obviously, though I won't pretend to really understand the linkage between the erotic and discipline components or how both can co-exist, though they plainly do.

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  7. For us it's a mix.......but then again for us almost everything is a mix. We just like variety and see possibilities for anything in everything. I can't think of anything right now that has only one purpose.....though I concede the possibility that there is. As Havelock Ellis' work suggests...that's the great thing about being human......we can eroticize anything. We can take a glove and turn it into a fetish object. Animals don't do that to my knowledge.

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    1. Agreed -- eroticizing everything is not a bad thing in a species. Bonobos have a reputation for turning everything into an excuse for sex, but that's the closest I've heard of in the animal kingdom.

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    2. I've sometimes wondered if there was some some Bonobo in me? (Of course it would have to have been a kinky Bonobo.)

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  8. My name is Robert, twenty-nine, married four years, wonderful woman. The only spankings I know is I find myself pleading, begging for her to stop. I find myself calling her Mommy, and she just states that I have learned who is boss in this family and have addressed her properly, the spanking stops when she feels I learned my lesson. It is then when she pulls off her lap and tells me to face the wall, any rubbing, talking back, and Mommy will address that with another spanking, only once, after the second spanking I do as Mommy tells me.
    Bottom line, I accept, want, need, would have it no other way, I love her even more for it, what more can you ask for.

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  9. Dan
    I think the Jane Austen quote most aptly describes how I feel. I love that feeling of submission. I feel its giving into a greater power. Once I saw her power I felt proud to be partially responsible for her growth.
    What makes this so thrilling to me is should you meet us a couple you would never suspect who held the
    power. Even standing in a corner for a few hours after becomes so small a penance to pay for being able to with submitting to her brush, or paddle I right some wrongs that have caused her pain. I wear my bruises proudly.
    scott

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    1. Hi Scott. I haven't characterized it quite that way before, but I agree that I do feel a pride in being partially responsible for my wife's growth, and it has been a great experience watching as her sense of her own power and her comfort level with wielding it have grown over the years.

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  10. We have been married for many years, for us it's about me understanding that being disciplined makes him feel loved and secure. When we were first married he ignored several warnings from my mom to " watch his tongue" both I and my siblings warned him but he ignored us. One evening my mother announced she had heard enough and asked Robert to follow her. I could see that she was really annoyed. We sat together while we could hear a long lecture. Then we heard the sound of a strap hitting skin and subsequent yelping. My siblings and I knew what was happening and soon the yelps became much louder. Mom returned and about 3p minutes later in he came. He was very subdued and didn't make eye contact and no one said a word. That night he told me he felt like an8 year old while she was scolding him and he said when she said she was going to spank him he just froze. His bottom was very marked with deep welts and the skin was broken in several places. Well he never said anything my mom might not like again and when I saw his demeanor For days after I knew I would be discipline him from there. We have had a very active sex life but spanking is about discipline

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