Hi all. Welcome, or welcome back, to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives. Our weekly gathering to talk about and promote adult domestic discipline and FLR relationships. I hope you all had a great week and that those of you in the U.S. are off enjoying this long holiday weekend with friends and family. Have fun, and be safe.
Is it just me, or have we had some great discussions the last couple of weeks? I'm sorry that I got around to responding to several of you only today. It was a crazy week for me at work, really burning the candle at both ends. While I didn't get around to responding to them right away, I do want to give a shout-out to J Girl and Willow, two members of our extended community who left some great comments about how discipline and punishment work for them. While their relationships are M/f oriented, it has been a great experience for me to get to know them a bit through their blogs and comments like those they left this week. It's been interesting coming to understand their perspectives, as I started to see the common threads in these relationships and to realize that it isn't only hard-charging, intense men who feel the need to have boundaries imposed and who crave discipline for bad behavior. It seems that many similarly intense women have those same needs, and it wasn't until recently that I understood that while our genders may be different, the personality traits involved in these relationships really cut across gender lines. While I think I will always keep the primary M/f focus of this blog, if for no other reason than there aren't many blogs out there with that particular bent, I think it is great to get perspectives from all those who gravitate to these kinds of relationships. If I can put my finger on one thing that has improved the quality of this blog over the last year, it is the extent to which it has gotten real participation from both genders and from people on both ends of the paddle.
Regarding the substance of last week's topic, I woke up this morning (the 4th, so I've updated this from the original post), with a thought of how to sum up why I don't find discipline as "payback" an offensive concept, while some clearly do. If I could put it in the mouth of a Disciplinary Wife, it might go something like this: "When you act like a jerk or do bad things and get away with it, everyone but you pays for your misbehavior. Everyone else suffers because you do bad things or shirk your obligations. Since all real change comes from within, I can't necessarily make you change. But, if I have the authority or sufficient will, I can make you pay a price when you don't, which is fair because otherwise everyone but you pays a price for your misdeeds, and what is fair about that? I'm just making sure you pay part of the price you otherwise force on others." Or, words to that effect.
A few weeks ago, we heard from Pat, a Disciplinary Wife who left this comment:
"Very early in our Dd relationship he behaved outrageously at a neighborhood party embarrassing me with his loud and tasteless " jokes" after I gave him several warnings. I excused us and took him outside where I told him he was going to be severely punished which I did when we got home. I wasn't sure yet he would submit but he did. After some " remorse time" I made him go back to the party where I assure you he didn't sit down the rest of the night. That night was probably when I made a serious commitment to DD. I have never had to do anything like that again.But he knows I would if he pushed me.
The underlined portion forms the basis for today's topic: Various experiences brought us to our DD, FLR and D/s relationships, but was there a particular moment when you thought, "Wow. This is real." Or, a particular event or moment when your commitment to it solidified, or where it really took on the character it has today? Tell us all about it. It was, by the way, pointed out to me that this one is a little repetitive. Probably. It's the holiday weekend after a long week. My inspiration was running low.
I also neglected to open up for discussion the latest poll results. This one focused on how long people have been in their DD relationships:
Not in one
A year or less
1 - 5 years
5 - 10 years
10 or more years
Now, having opened up the point for discussion, I'm not sure what to say about it. That was how I felt when I posted it, by the way. I didn't see it as anything very revealing; just wanted to get a little more insight into our community. The distribution of responses is pretty even, to the point that if any differences are statistically significant, it's probably because the sample size was so small (86 votes). Still, it is somewhat heartening that the highest number of votes was from people who have been in these relationships for 10 years or more. I have also posted another poll, focusing on the extent to which people mix erotic and disciplinary spankings.
If you have a moment, you might want to check out a blog called: https://dominajen.com/. The current post, involving needle play, is very BDSM and not my thing. But, to each his own. She has some pretty interesting posts. I especially liked this one, from a post called Punishment in the day to day in which she quotes another blogger:
Anyone who’s suffered through a lengthy drive in silence can attest to the fact that punishments exist in conventional relationships. However, behavior is coded in faux-egalitarianism and therefore erratic and often arbitrary. In contrast, those living in a lifestyle BDSM relationship usually have an explicit binary of power and specific rules which, if broken, lead to a submissive being punished. Punishment is not an exclusively D/s thing. Regulated punishment is an exclusively D/s thing.Well said.
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I hope you all have a great holiday, enjoy each other, and be safe.