Saturday, June 18, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 162 -- Taken Aside

 Some women fear the fire.  Some simply become it.  -- r.h. Sin.

Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands and Disciplinary Wives. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are participating, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships. I hope you had a good week.

Last week's topic, focusing on "empty nesters," didn't seem to generate much interest.  Maybe there aren't as many of them out there as I thought, despite the fact that may of our readers report being in the post-50 year-old demographic.  Maybe there are just fewer empty nesters than I supposed given the age demographics, because while there are lots of more senior readers, those darn Millennials just won't leave??


A few weeks ago we talked about whether immediacy is a goal in discipline, i.e. is it important to correct a problem on the spot.  Extending that topic a bit, have you ever been taken out of an event, such as a party or other function, and at some point during the festivities been taken aside for a well-deserved spanking?  Perhaps escorted into a convenient dressing room or store bathroom for a quick correction on a shopping trip?  

Or, maybe taken to a private room during a party so some boorish behavior could be dealt with?

Or perhaps forced to leave the event for a quick trip back home to take care of business?

If something like this has happened to you or if you've imposed it on your partner, please tell us all about it.  If not, what would your likely reaction be if it happened?

I have not myself experienced anything quite like that.  The closest we have come is she once made me leave work and come home for a spanking then sent me back to work to sit all day on a very sore bottom.

I hope you have a great week.  As always, if you are new to our Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us something about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship.

56 comments:

  1. It is the look that tells me "when we get home", a few of her girl friends know the look, they then smile at me. My wife has only once not waited, on vacation, forgot what I did, but I know others in the hotel knew exactly what was happening. Besides squirming in the restaurant, some interesting looks told me they knew, my wife would just smile and softly say "going to be a good little boy" Yes I would reply while squirming in the seat.

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    1. Every one is different---but in our marriage--which is a very happy one--I get an infrequent paddling which I have coming totally--when it has to happen--Its on the bare butt and it sure hurts and it works fine for us---It is totally just between the two of us absolutely no one ever knows---Others may experience others knowing and if that is ok with them that is fine--I could have no one know With my wife there is no shame or embarrassment---If any other person knew I would be totally humiliated---other guys like me?

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  2. I think there's a big difference between family and friends.....even "friends in the know". As open as our neighbors are to what we do, I still think they would feel awkward being in an adjoining room whilst I "get it".....even if they agreed with the comeuppance. As such, Rosa would probably not choose to do something like that......though I do believe she would spank me right in front of Marta if it was just the three of us and whatever I did struck them the wrong way. But that would be a very exceptional action.

    Among our family circle, it's a different story and I have definitely been escorted away from a fully occupied dinner or breakfast table into our bedroom mere yards away to be punished for something spur-of-the-moment (usually a snarky comment). As embarrassing as it feels to be led away by Rosa's hand, it's even worse to emerge from the room afterwards with family still milling about. No one has ever dared to gloat too drastically, but it doesn't matter. In my head, I know they heard everything.

    I have been reprimanded and threatened in open company and even publicly a time or two though.

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    1. Thanks, KD. It's an interesting point that the post-spanking embarrassment of having to face people you know, who know you just got spanked, is probably a pretty powerful deterrent. It's probably part of the formula for the school spankings of yesteryear.

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  3. Leaving aside the few (or not-so-few) times when N. -and, later, J.- spanked me under the eyes of a couple of their closest female friends, and not overlooking the fact that J's sister has many times "taken a hand" (so to speak!), I have occasionally been told "Wait until we get home!" when the warning could be (and was) overheard. Once in a while, also, the warning was delivered in a store (and followed by a swift hairbrush whacking in the ladies's changing room - and even once in the women's restrooms at an airport...) When we are traveling on vacation, warnings may be issued "as needed", but unless a convenient spot is found along the road, these are most likely to result in "delivery" later in our hotel room - with a good chance it may be overheard (as evidenced by the knowing looks we often get later from other guests or from hotel employees)

    L.

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    1. An airport restroom . . . now, that's bold!

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    2. It was a small provincial airport - and it was nearly empty at 6 am ! There was a lone woman (probably German) in the ladies' room at the time...

      L.

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    3. Being German, she probably thought, "Those English and their damn English Vice." ;-)

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    4. I doubt it! That airport was in S. Spain, and (assuming she heard it) we were speaking French
      The lady in question was in her 50's (I guess) and her comment - in German - sounded as though she was approving (or at least understading) what was going on!

      L.

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  4. Very early in our Dd relationship he behaved outrageously at a neighborhood party embarrassing me with his loud and tasteless " jokes" after I gave him several warnings. I excused us and took him outside where I told him he was going to be severely punished which I did when we got home. I wasn't sure yet he would submit but he did. After some " remorse time" I made him go back to the party where I assure you he didn't sit down the rest of the night. That night was probably when I made a serious commitment to Dd. I have never had to do anything like that again.But he knows I would if he pushed me
    Pat

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    1. Thanks, Pat. I love these comments that focus on origins and turning points, where people really got committed to their DD role. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. The girlfriend who introduced me to spanking "removed" me twice from an event.The first was a total shock. While visiting in my house with her best friend and college roommate,she abruptly pulled me to my feet and escorted me up the stairs after I had opened a second beer against her orders.The spanking she administered in the hall and the scolding could not be missed by anyone down stairs.I did not have to face her girlfriend that night but on a later occasion my girlfriend removed me from a dinner party with that same girlfriend present and spanked me in the next room.Her girlfriend didn't actually see me spanked but heard all of it. That time I had to return to dinner and apologize. The first spanking was much more embarrassing because at the time I thought her girlfriend knew nothing about her spanking me. At the dinner party I knew that she knew and somehow that made at all less upsetting.I am the same way with my wife's sister. The first time she was told I felt humiliated. But after that it was all out
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. Did the friend ever talk about it with you?

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  6. Not for a while.But on her next visit my girlfriend said she was interested in learning more about why I accepted it.The three of us talked at least two different times about the dynamics of a spanking relationship. My girlfriend told me that she was interested in trying spanking with her husband.She may have been but I had the feeling my girlfriend was pushing her in that direction. They were having trouble in their marriage but are still together so maybe it happened.
    Alan

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    1. Thanks, Alan. Your girlfriend seems to have been a great advocate for the DD lifestyle.

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    2. She just called it discipline or " a good bum warming" It seemed she was always threatening to "warm bum" or to ' exercise my authority" ( which I loved). She was a sort of free thinker because she didn't care what others thought if she believed something. Very occasionally I see the guy she is now with and I smile a little because I know he gets spanked and even if she has told him about me ( which is likely) he may know my name but doesn't know me to recognize so its kind of sweet to have that secret knowing he is a spanked hubby while he knows nothing about my life.
      Alan

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    3. I'm all for free thinking! That's a very interesting dynamic -- you knowing him but him not knowing you. Its' also maybe a bit of a warning to everyone about the limits of our ability to maintain secrecy around this lifestyle, because people move on from relationships and may tell their new significant other. Or, you may let one person in on the secret, and they tell their significant other. There is one close female I told about it several years ago. She was married to someone else at the time, but I knew him well enough that I wasn't all that concerned about whether she told him. She is now with someone else, whom I have met a few times. Each time, I've wondered, "Does he know I get spanked?"

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    4. You are raising a fascinating question that may deserve its own forum.Humans ( men and women) simply don't keep secrets. They tell someone and often many someones.My wife for example has told me about two men with a spanking history she knows ( I know neither one) One of them she spanked herself as a kind of experimentation and the other bragged to her about being spanked by his wife)I told my wife while we were still dating about the woman who introduced me to adult spanking. I think my experience must be repeated over and over. I think spanking today as a subject is similar to anal sex ten or fifteen years ago. You knew a lot of people practiced it but few talked about it. Personally I think its healthy for as many people to come out about their spanking life as are comfortable doing it. That is what shifted opinion on gay life, just knowing gays in everyday life.
      Alan

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    5. You know what they say: "Two can keep a secret -- if one of them is dead."

      I go back and forth about whether I want this thing we do to be more out in the open. I can't deny that certain things have an attraction to me, or at least are more attractive, precisely because they are naughty or rebellious.

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  7. My most memorable one was when we had several guests over for Thanksgiving. I have no recollection of what the precipitating event was. But I clearly remember that she stuck a cane down her pant's leg and kind of inconspicuously maneuvered me into the garage.

    Something like 20 with her cane did not take long and did not make any appreciable noise. I don't think anyone realized what had happened. But there were some comments about me being "flushed." Imagine if they saw where I was really "flushed".

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    1. Thanks, Tomy. I've always heard the silence of the cane is one of its most useful qualities.

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    2. The cane may be quiet, but how did you stay quiet, Tomy? 20 with a cane could produce an audible reaction.

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    3. I had my face in a throw pillow.

      The caning came in a pretty rapid succession. It was not one of those times where I had to wait, terrified and expectant, for the next one. And truth be told, as much as it hurt, I suspect she could have swung harder.

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  8. Dan
    I related this to you last year but will repeat and update. I retired from police work at 45. Then went to work for my wife in her catering business. At one large wedding we catered the mother of the bride was impossible and toward the end of the reception I told her off. Long story short my wife was furious as she had to give the woman a large refund.
    When we got back to our shop, while the other staff unloaded the trucks, my wife took me into the office and demanded my belt which she quickly put to good use.When we returned to the kitchens she insisted
    relating the whole thing to the staff. She turned to them and said if I were not her husband I would have been fired. It was humiliating. I knew they had heard my begging to stop. But lesson learned.
    Richard

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    1. "Lesson learned" -- I bet. I can't imagine having to face an entire staff of co-workers after something like that.

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  9. A while back on a Saturday morning I was going to receive a spanking from my wife I didn't no two of her friends were there in the living room waiting to go shopping she had them wait while she took me to the den for my spanking they heard the whole thing the scolding and the spanking I was in tears standing in the corner bare bottom after the spanking when I heard one of her friends say to her what did your son do to get a spanking and she told them it was me her husband !

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    1. Wow, another very interesting one! Thanks for sharing.

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  10. Dan
    A few years ago my brother and I gave a wedding reception and dinner for our folks on their 40th wedding anniversary. When they had married they had eloped so we thought it would be a great gift for them. Peter however was annoyed from the start. He thought it was silly. In addition to the festivities I had gotten us a hotel room so that we wouldn't have to worry about driving home. Peter had a few more martinis than he should have at the cocktail reception and well he began being rude to several guests.
    During the hour between cocktails and dinner I pulled him up to our room and with his dinner jacket still on I took his belt and with pants around his ankles, his white bottom soon turned a lovely shade of red.
    I went back down to be hostess and ordered him to come back down with a new attitude.
    When he came down half an hour later he was a changed man.The best part of the evening however, was
    at dinner my brother, who was annoyed with Peter had moved the seating cards and made sure that Peter was seated to our Uncle Ted who enjoys baiting Peter. It was more a joy to see Peter keeping his mouth shut. He knew better!
    Anna

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    1. Hi Anna! That's great. That was quite a test -- seating him next to a baiting Uncle. He has more self-control than I do.

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    2. Thanks Dan! I know you will understand that It took a great deal of control to keep my mouth shut. I didnt even smirk at Anna when this uncle spent half the evening telling our table what a waste of money the event was.
      Peter

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    3. Yes, I guess some victories are best enjoyed silently! Again, not my strong suit, but like everyone else, I'm a work in progress.

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  11. Hello Dan,
    So many interesting conversations are going on. I never actually removed Jay to discipline him but once at a out of town restaurant I sent him to a restroom to remove his underpants and then return and hand them to me. That settled him down but if it hadn't I probably would have left the restaurant and took him back to our hotel for a spanking he would regret.As it turned out I did spank him later that night back in our room, but less severe than he would have got if my underpants order had not settled him down. We were alone by the way and I have often wondered if I would have done it with another couple present.With at least a couple of our friends who know I am in charge ( but don't know I spank him) I think I might have. That would be a memory
    Marisa

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    1. Hi Marisa. Very interesting and inventive way to ratchet down the situation

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  12. "I sent him to a restroom to remove his underpants and then return and hand them to me."

    WOW!! That sounds like flying the white flag of surrender!

    Could and did anyone else in the restaurant see him hand them to you?

    What did you do after he handed them to you?

    Marisa, that sounds like a very inventive and effective punishment - or pre-punishment. One of the best non corporal punishments I have ever heard of.

    Carl H

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    1. Hello Carl,
      He wanted to slip them under the table, but I made him stand back up and hand them to me dropping them into my purse. I don't know if anyone saw him but it was crowded so it's possible. More important he thought someone might see.You guys are very easy to embarrass and he was embarrassed Some woman may embarrass men because they enjoy it but I do it to get his ego under control.It works. At least for Jay more than half of the time he is in trouble with me is failure to contol his ego
      Marisa

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    2. Thanks, Marisa. That is similar to why my wife gives me chores and tasks to do, in addition to spanking for discipline. She knows I hate being bossed around, so the chores have a humbling function.

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    3. Yes. That "humbling function" allows you to let go of that ego, accept authority and become the ( mostly) wonderful, charming and loving men you really are.It frees you to be yourself and that is what we are after.That is also why spanking without the mental and emotional parts of it doesn't really work. The message never gets through because you are not prepared to hear it before you have been humbled.( parenthetically I think a man who needs to have his pants taken down by his wife in order to behave should be plenty embarassed)
      Marisa

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    4. Dan
      I do love the expression "Humbling function". I am sure it will work its way into any discipline i give to Peter.
      Anna

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    5. lOVE IT WHEN FEMALE CALLS THE SHOTS.........................

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  13. This is Joe2.

    If any of you remember, I get spanked to reset my brain when under a lot of stress. I have only one event that caused my wife to pull me out of an event. I only really only remember the before and after, the middle is rather vague. But my wife has told me of the middle.

    I had a project that was always threatening to go off the rails. Nothing major, but a continuous series of problems; which was causing a lot of work-hours and increased costs. My wife had a weekend event (Friday evening to Sunday afternoon) that was very important to her, so I could not put in any hours during that weekend.

    We farmed out the kids and drove to the event (about 1 1/2 hours away). Sometime during the period of getting changed into our dinner wear, I started to get emotionally detached. Not rude or despondent, but stuck in neutral. As the evening wore on, I became more detached. For instance, I usually take about a minute to order from a menu, but that evening, I just looked at the words on the paper. I listened to the conversations, but offered no real replies. By the time coffee was offered my wife asked me to come out into the reception area. Once there, she asked me a few questions, and looked into my eyes and listened to my responses. She told me my answers were barely adequate and my eyes were completely blank. She went back to the dining room offered our apologies and took me home.

    She said I was almost robotic, when she told me to prepare for a spanking. She started with our primary implement and I had no response. For a few strikes she increased the power- still no response. She finally took out the fiberglass rod and struck me very harshly. After about six strikes I started reacting to the pain, so she moved back to our primary tool. In less than two dozen strikes I was into subspace. She cuddled with me for a few minutes and I went fast asleep.

    The next morning, I was mentally normal. There was still some stress, but very manageable. We went back to the event and had a very good time. But I did have some wicked marks and deep bruises on my bottom. My wife told me that I really scared her, because she had never seen me in such a state.

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  14. joe 2

    I totally understand and relate.

    peter

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  15. Wow. That was an incredible story. I am sure there are much deeper implications vis a vis the amount of stress you had to handle and what guidance a professional might have given.

    But the fact is, the administration of a real spanking; an extended one in that case, resolved your stress and that is awesome!!!

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  16. Joe2: Sounds like maybe you went into what is called a "fugue state" due to intense stress:

    Fugue state: An altered state of consciousness in which a person may move about purposely and even speak, but is not fully aware. A fugue state is usually a type of complex partial seizure. See: Seizure, complex partial.

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  17. There seems to be some kind of general consensus and at least a little research tha adult spanking can be therapeutic. But remembering my Psyc 101 course (a little) isn't a fugue state pretty serious stuff,serious enough that maybe Joe2 should think about consulting a professional? Just a question
    Alan

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    1. At the risk of playing amateur psychologist, I agree with Alan. Sorry Joe2, not trying to tell you what to do, but that does sound like something you might want to look into with a professional.

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    2. This is Joe2

      Thanks for all of your concern, but I'm a guy. I go to the doctor when blood is shooting across the tool shed floor. It hasn't happened before and if it starts happening again, I'll have my wife reset me.

      As a side note, my predecessor went to a doctor to deal with the stress and all he got in order of treatment: first he was taught stress decompression exercises, then he was taught self-hypnosis, lastly he was prescribed drugs. I'll take a "good old old fashion whoopen" over what the doctor offered him.

      I personally think, that it was a combination of stress, lack of sleep and my brain trying to find a way to cope, without acting like the jerk I wanted to be (complain, whine, and say sarcastic comments about taking a weekend off when I really needed to correct work problems).

      I will say it was very surreal. For instance, I only "kind of" remember the spanking, but the evidence marks were ALMOST like some of the pictures you see on the web.

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  18. Wife has never pulled me out she has threatened me with it but never did. I think she likes to see me worry about it till we get home . One of her favorite sayings is wait till we get home I am going to beat your ass. She says it out loud every time. I wonder what my friends think does she or don't she do it. She is usually very quiet. If they just knew how she could swing a paddle.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for.

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  19. Fascinating discussion as always. I have never been 'taken to one side' for a spanking as an adult although I do remember trailing after my head teacher as he marched purposefully towards his office for the inevitable strapping, under the eyes of both fellow pupils and teachers - all of whom knew what we on the agenda!

    I can sort of relate to the 'fugue' comments above for although I have never gotten to the state that Joe2 describes, I am often told that I need a 'reset' which tends to be delivered efficiently and dispassionately until she has sensed that I have been released from whatever mood or gloom that has enveloped me.

    It is painful, especially as it is often not linked to a specific offense and she doles it out at these times as a necessary medicine. I will squeal and protest as the strap connects but at some point, usually quite early I can almost feel the 'reset' take place, like a switch in my head. If I could stop her then I would, but she only stops when she stops.

    These sessions are different from pure punishment which tends to have more emotion - on both sides.

    I always feel much 'lighter' after as if a cloud has been dispelled. Unfortunately in a very honest moment I told her, an admission I often regret as I take my medicine ... :)

    TB

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  20. Hmmm Where have I heard the term Medicine Woman before? Cannot recall. But I know I saw it somewhere.

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  21. I spank my husband at homelands elsewhere. Last week we were at a girlfriends home. He acted like a jerk. I took him into her bathroom, found a hairbrush, lowered his pant and gave him a good bare spanking. When we came back to the living room I apologized. She said that's ok, I could hear it and it was hot.

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  22. After several warnings while visiting my wife's sister, my wife asked that we be excused. My wife escorted me to a bedroom grasping my ear all the way. Afte a long scolding she pulled my pants down and gave me a really hard spanking with the brush she carries . When we returned her sister said " very interesting" I was hard for me to face my sister in law for white a while but now she knows and I have gotten used to the idea of her knowing but not so interested in getting it again around her.

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  23. Hot topic with lots of responses...

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