Saturday, May 21, 2016

The Forum, Vol. 158 -- Anticipation

Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.” -- Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns


Happy weekend everyone.  Welcome back to the Forum -- Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives, our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a good week.


We had a good discussion last week about severity and intensity.  I hope it had the desired effect of giving wives who are new to this some reassurances as they ramp up the intensity, while not imposing on them any expectations beyond "do what seems right to you as you work your way along this path."  Near the end, Alan and I started going down another discussion about origins, which I admit I find endlessly fascinating.  I'll highlight one of my observations, in case people don't have time to peruse the previous topic, because I had never quite thought of the extent to which there seems to be a significant discrepancy between how most people come to this lifestyle and the way that lifestyle is portrayed in one of the sources that brought many of us to it.  My observation was: "Face it, humans are complicated creatures, and I reject the notion that we function like biologic computers where there are just inputs and outputs and if you could see the source code you could figure out exactly how input A caused output B. Your thoughts on the genetic trigger did raise one other thought with me: Is it interesting that the DWC has influenced so many of these relationships, yet it is in many ways the exact opposite of how most of them actually begin. Whether your genetic trigger theory is right or not, it does seem undeniable that in most cases, the interest in spanking pre-dates the interest in DD, and it is usually the man with that spanking interest who asks for the DD. Yet, a large majority of the stories on the DWC revolve around a woman getting fed up with bad behavior and imposing the DD lifestyle on a man who had no previous interest in spanking. The influence the DWC model has had is another indication to me that while the spanking interest is a key driver of these relationships, it is not the only one by a long shot, and the desire to be subject to someone's authority, along with the concept of imposed accountability, are additional and independent influences."  Enough said on that for now.

Last week's discussion was all about severity and intensity while being disciplined or controlled.  But, what about the time between the act and its consequences?  I'm talking about -- anticipation.  The mindset that occurs after you know you have done something deserving of punishment but before you receive your just deserts.   



It can happen over a short or long period.  Maybe you know you did something wrong, and you know you need to self-report though part of you doesn't want to.  Maybe you have self-reported, and you are waiting for her reaction. Or, maybe she has already pronounced the sentence and told you to get ready for her to get home.
  
Tell us your best example of anticipation and what it does to you mentally and emotionally.  What state does it put you in?  Scared? Exited?  Contrite?  Do you have any particularly strong memories of anticipating a particular punishment? I would also love to hear from the Disciplinary Wives on this one. What state does anticipating giving a spanking put you in?  Powerful?  Annoyed?  Turned on? 

I hope you all have a great week.  As always, if you are new to the Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (see tab above) and  tell us a little about yourself and your Domestic Discipline or FLR relationship.  

Dan 

42 comments:

  1. The anticipation I remember the most was our very first spanking. I had introduced her to the Disciplinary Wives Club, leaving her with the link to the site to do with what she would. She called me the next day at work, and said only, "Very interesting." I asked what that meant, and she said, "Well, I guess you better buy me a strong hair brush." I think my heart literally skipped a beat. I had butterflies in my stomach all morning and into the afternoon at work. I left early to go to the local shopping mall in search of a heavier wooden hair brush, which proved surprisingly hard to find. The whole time, I was like the subject of an ED commercial, where the narrator says, "If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, call you doctor." Yet, I truly was terrified. Not so much of the spanking itself, but the prospect of crying from one, which was depicted in many of the DWC stories. I just had no idea what to expect. Other than a handful of erotic spankings with a relatively yielding leather paddle, I had never been spanked as an adult. I was on edge the entire day, in a way that I really can't remember being before.

    While my reactions today are not near as intense after a spanking has been ordered, I am still on edge when I contemplate self-reporting, when I am waiting for her to tell me to get ready, and as I wait for her to come into the room and pick up the paddle . . .

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  2. What a great memory, I think it is worse when my wife calls at work and informs me of a punishable offence I committed and I will be disciplined that evening. As I sit all evening waiting for the word to go upstairs and get in the corner. It never comes and as we are going to sleep she says you will get your punishment in the morning so you can sleep on it.So on those mornings I ride to work with a sore bottom.

    Dan

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    1. I have never had a morning discipline session before work, but she has made me meet her at home over the lunch hour to get one.

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    2. The lunch time is another favorite of hers,my office is only 1 mile away,she calls it a quickie.
      Dan

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  3. In my case, the first spanking session in our DD history scared me in the sense I knew it was going to happen and my concern was could I take what she was going to dish out. After that session I knew what it would be like going forward (the pain would be intense and that intensity would last in my mind forever although it was only a few minutes at a harsh and very rapid pace with a paddle). Thereafter, whenever my wife tells me I'm going to get it, it shakes me up. I immediately try to be very nice and not violate any further rules; I start thinking about what will happen to me and that probably raises my heart beat a few notches; I ask myself why did I screw up putting myself in this predicament; and psychologically I want to get it over with as soon as possible; and when the time comes to pay the piper I inevitably get an erection despite having no urge for sex at all. I think fear and adrenalin may be the culprits for getting an erection because I'm definitely not thinking about sex. That pattern has been pretty consistent over the 16 years since we started DD.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. This is very similar to our pattern over the last 10.

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  4. Anticipation! What a great and very timely topic! A technique that is a key feature in our relationship ... and a strong feeling that I have right now as I was a bit rude to her last night after a glass of wine too many. Right now I can guarantee that at some stage today I will be stretched over the bed, pants down being lectured before getting a good, long walloping. I will creep and crawl all day to no avail. She likes to be completely calm when to delivers a well earned strapping, she likes to let me know it is due and she likes to keep me on edge all day before, often referring to what will be coming my.

    For me I can't say I enjoy the anticipation but I am definitely in a strange 'high alert' place, knowing what I'm in for, nervous, excited ( I think) but mainly on edge and nervous.

    I may do an update after
    TB

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    1. Thanks, TB. "High alert" is a good way to describe it.

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  5. My wife is not one to be in a hurry, especially when it comes to spankings. She feels the wait knowing what is to happen means as much if not more than the spanking. A long scolding, and like all spankings done in the bedroom, private, naked, my erections she just smiles knowing that will be gone shortly and it is. Afterwards, I must put on my pajamas and depending on the time of day, it is the kitchen, or front room where I will face the wall until told otherwise. Pajamas was her idea, remind me I've been naughty, make me feel like a little boy, it does, and bedtime will be early, facing the wall she pulls the bottoms down to display my red sore spanked bottom.

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  6. Dan,
    For me there are two levels of anticipation, mostly defined by the time between knowing I will be punished and the actual event. These days it is usually a couple of hours at least and can be a day or more between being told and actual punishment.If a punishment is a day away or more it doesn't loom " real" for me ( I know its a defense) and I just go on as if it isn't going to happen or is an abstract possibility.( I have always been this way). But when she takes some definite action to begin a punishment ( like corner time, sending me for the brush or even setting out her chair) anticipation begins big time. My legs may shake, my voice gets low, I try to delay or postpone it and in general I become very obedient and submissive. She can stretch this mental period out with corner time and scolding until I practically beg her to begin.So I need to face imminent spanking and then the anticipation is unbearable. I track some of this to growing up when I received a lot more spanking threats than actual spankings so maybe somewhere deep down I still believe I can beat the wrap. In reality that day has been over for a long time, but that seems to escape my male brain
    Alan

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    1. "She can stretch this mental period out with corner time and scolding until I practically beg her to begin." I have that same reaction, though no corner time. Very much a "can we please get this over with" kind of thing. I also get the "beat the wrap" wish, and the reality is I do beat it every now and then.

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  7. Most of the spankings I get are administered "on the spot" for a specific transgression (although I may be ordered to face the wall, bare-bottomed, while she retrieves the "appropriate" instrument) but this only applies at home. When the breach occurs away from home (e.g. in a party, during a trip to the mall, when I drive recklessly, etc.) punishment is announced, but delivery is delayed - whether until we get back home, until we reach our hotel for the night, or until she finds a suitably secluded spot... during which time, the threat of what is to come hangs over my head. And then, of course, there are those times when I have committed some serious misdeed while she was away from home - in which case I often choose to bare my bottom and to "assume the position" before she returns... and that "waiting time" may range from fifteen minutes to an hour (and I get no reprieve for 'volunteering' !)

    L.

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    1. It sounds like DD has produced remarkable compliance in your case, if confession and assuming position don't actually earn you any benefit and yet you do it anyway!

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    2. I get no "reprieve" - in the sense that I get what I had coming anyway - but the "price to pay" may be lighter than if I had waited for her to discover my misdeed (as I have learned when I tried to conceal it). Admitting guilt (and accepting the consequences) often defuses - or at least moderates - her irritation.

      L.

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    3. I always insist (as did N., his late wife) that L. should acknowledge that he deserves the spanking he is about to get. Whether he does so when I give him notice [by baring his derriere and/or fetching the "tool(s)" of my choice], or by "assuming the position" before I get home and discover what he has done makes no real difference for me: he gets what he deserves - neither more, nor less - whatever anxiety he may experience as he awaits his "comeuppance"

      J.

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  8. Dan
    For me the anticipation can last as long as a week. Torture! As I have said usually if I am to be disciplined it will happen on a Friday as that is the nite our boys stay overnight at their grandparents. So if I do something that annoys Anna, she will say something like " We should discuss this on Friday!" or "We will talk about this later". Last night I was two hours late getting home, without a phone call. Anna was putting the boys to bed. As I started to apologize she smiled patted the boys heads and then said to me " We can talk about this over dinner on friday. I notice the longer I have to wait, it seems her swats seem to be harder. Yes I know next time just call.
    peter

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    1. That does sound like torture! Particularly because you know that on Friday there will be no interruption, so the sentence will, in fact, be carried out. In my case, there is always the possibility that even though it has been ordered, some family-related interruption will intervene and allow me to avoid it.

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  9. As a wife who spanks when necessary and strictly for punishment I use anticipation time to get him ready mental and emotionally. I want him to accept his punishment and improve from it. Some of you boys miss the point and try to devise ways to endure it. We don't want you to endure it we want you to accept it and the reason for it and become better husbands and fathers as a result of it.Some of you need to grow up and accept responsibility as well as the consequences for what you do.
    Pat

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    1. Hi Pat. Thanks for joining, and well said. It is often hard not to try to endure it, but I get the point about acceptance being the goal, not endurance. Also, for those of us looking for that sense of penance, trying to avoid or "take it like a man" is counterproductive. It doesn't mean I don't still do it, as it is as I said very hard not to, but it does probably defeat the larger purpose.

      Again, thanks for joining!

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    2. Bravo to you Pat. The only "anticipation" Jay gets is the time it takes him to fetch my strap from the bedroom and bring it back to me.Reflection in the corner with a very warm bottom to keep him company is a better use of his time.
      Marisa

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    3. Pat & Marisa you inspire me! We have just bought new home and it has a soundproofed room.
      The pervious owner was a musician. No more waiting for Friday when our boys are gone for weekend time with grandparents. I just got off the phone with Peter and warned him that
      tonight, while I get the boys up to bed he will go to our soundproof room and wait with his nose against the wall.
      Anna

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    4. Anna,
      Now that you will not have to wait long to deal with him I predict you will see some amazing results.Our naughty little boys need to know and remember that the consequences are both certain and swift.
      Marisa

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  10. Pat-

    Just wanted to say it's GREAT to hear from a true DD WIFE!!! Your Hub is a lucky guy!

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  11. Circumstances dictate whether there will be a waiting period or not. As for 'anticipation', I can appreciate a bit of it and even welcome the chance to be able to wrap my head around what's going to happen before it does. It helps. But when it comes to weighing out an immediate punishment that I'm not prepared for versus an "overdue" punishment that keeps getting postponed over and over.............it would be very difficult for me to say which is worse.

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  12. Circumstances dictate whether there will be a waiting period or not. As for 'anticipation', I can appreciate a bit of it and even welcome the chance to be able to wrap my head around what's going to happen before it does. It helps. But when it comes to weighing out an immediate punishment that I'm not prepared for versus an "overdue" punishment that keeps getting postponed over and over.............it would be very difficult for me to say which is worse.

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  13. Anticipation does not play a big part in our lives, as MOST of my spankings from Merry are very spontaneous-right-NOW!.
    In three years together, there have been just a couple of times that she has required naked cornertime of me, just as a cooling off period for her, so that she does not spank in anger.
    But this one time was memorable... coming in part two of this.

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  14. Here's part two... which I've excerpted from my personal blog entry of June 21, 2014:

    We went to the market for shopping.
    We were just inside the baked goods area; She looked at some sale item, and came up to me, real close to me, and said, "Seven for six dollars."
    Something happened to me, I felt ...panic, like She was too close, and I said, loudly, She said, later, "You're in my space, back off..."
    Well....
    She stepped back, and said, "That's enough, I am leaving."
    And She walked out of the store.
    I watched Her go, for a second, then followed.
    I decided, if She was standing at the car, that I was going to just toss Her the keys, and start walking home.
    But, She had only gone as far as one of the pillars outside, and was leaning with her back against it.

    "You embarrassed me in the store. People were looking at us."
    "I did not see them. You were so close to me.."
    "I was a foot away from you. And they were looking. What's the matter with you?"
    "I felt... panicky."
    "Let's go finish shopping.

    Inside, She said, "I will do something about this when we get home, whether my son is still there or not.

    We finished shopping, checked out, went to the car, and loaded up.
    Heading home, She said, "We get home, get the car unloaded, groceries put away, then I want you to undress, and stand in the corner. Understand?"
    I understand, but I did not reply.
    After a few minutes, I did ask, "May I urinate beforehand?"
    "By all means, but... in the toilet, please."

    We arrived. Stitch assisted, and I still managed to get the groceries inside without incident, and I put them away. She was sitting in front of Her computer in the living room. I grabbed my bag and keys off the table, went into my room, and from my room, out the sliding glass door that led to the back yard, then through the garage door, down the driveway where her son and Stitch were still working, twisted my ankle as I walked, got in my car an drove off.

    I parked somewhere shady and quiet.
    She called, after fifteen minutes.
    "What, you're running away from home?"
    "Yeah."
    "Why?"
    "I don't wanna be at home."
    "Come home, NOW."
    "I'll get back to you on that."

    Why did I run away? Why was I there?
    I was angry, and confused.
    I was angry that She decided to assert Herself NOW, at a time when our relationship is ... undefined.
    Our D/s or M/s or FLR-DD dynamics have been 'on hold'. I'm not wearing a collar. We've had a little s&m playtime (damn little) but as for real time full time dynamics Uh Uhh.
    So, I was angry that She decided to assert Herself... right now... while we have as yet to re-define what we're about as a couple.

    I realized that somewhere, on some level, this is what I've wanted, what I've asked for:
    Real punishment from a strict wife.
    I started the car, and returned home.
    I walked in the door. She said nothing, as did I.

    I went to my bedroom, and undressed.
    Wearing only socks, I went to the corner, by the front door, and ... stood, with my face in the corner.
    Damn uncomfortable...my right ankle was hurting.
    After a few minutes, She told me to sing.... "Twinkle twinkle little bat... "
    I did, over and over, a number of times.
    She told me to stop, as She came up behind me and starting asking me, and telling me, about what happened.
    I embarrassed Her, without realizing it. I was disrespectful. Whether or not I think we're currently IN this kind of dynamic, this IS what I want, right?
    She walked away, telling me to continue...or be quiet, for a bit.
    The She told me to cite prime numbers.
    I got up to about 253, when She said stop.
    After a few minutes, She told me to sing..something.
    "I release and I let go...."
    to be continued

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  15. part three:
    I sang, many many repeats of it.
    She asked if I wanted some water.
    "Yes,please."
    She came up behind me, and told me to turn around, and handed me a glass of ice water.
    It had been one hour, with me in the corner.
    Sweating...it's kinda hot in our hot... standing on a sore ankle....
    She told me to go take a shower.
    I did.
    She told me go, lay down on Her bed.
    I did, on my back, until She came in.
    I asked Her to check my ankle.... yep, swollen.
    She told me She had yet to decide if She was going to be done, NOW, or continue, and be done NOW, or wait ..til later.
    She made it clear, if I ever treated Her this way again, I would get this treatment..and worse.. again.

    She told me to get FDAU, and produced a metal flapper... a metal stick with a leather flapper on the end.
    She told me to count.
    Eighty five smacks across my buttocks, and on the sit spot, and one on my scrotum, much to my vocal displeasure.
    She continued with another 85, concentrated on my left cheek and sit spot, and one hit squarely on my scrotum, enough to make me squat down, and groan.
    Then She told me to roll over, and get my legs up, and She applied another 25 on my sit spot.
    Then She told me to relax, and brought out wipes, and wiped my scrotum and buttocks.
    Look, Ma, no blood ... this time.

    She told me to expect consistency from Her.
    If I do this sort of thing again, I will receive this sort of thing again.

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    1. Now, 23 months later, let me add commentary:
      I did not 'run away' because I was SCARED, but because I was ANGRY.
      I did not do what I did ON PURPOSE but because I am given to panic attacks in such situations, and I felt her reaction to my outburst to be unjust.
      I could as well have said "F ... You!" to any orders she tried to give me.. which may well have ended any DD relationship that I wanted.
      It took that time in my own cooling off period for me to realize, "This is what I want, what I wanted, what I ASKED FOR, so just what is my f.....g problem, anyway?" So I went home, and faced the music, and the wall.
      FWIW, during corner time, she requires me to sing or talk to keep me from slipping into mantra meditation, because she knows I can do that, then stand there for hours without noticing the passage of time.

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    2. Because Shilo didn't mention it: Shortly after that happened he got his collar back.

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    3. ...because it didn't seem relevant to the story.

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    4. Instead of mantra meditation, perhaps try "mindfulness meditation" ("Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn). I've never tried to sing or talk while doing it, but since it does not involve reciting a mantra, it may work. If nothing else, it helps with panic attacks.

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    5. Thanks for that. I learned mantra meditation from Dr Harry Morgan Moses, and I'm happy with the results. It definitely helps during the onset of panic attacks. But I can't do it while singing or talking, and Merry knows it.

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    6. I make it difficult for him on purpose.

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  16. My wife always let's me no early in the week that we are going to have a talk Saturday morning I no what this means and I have time to reflect on what I did Saturday morning it is a long talk and scolding She takes me by the arm from the bedroom to the den in my underwear she has a straight back chair she uses for the spanking she treats me like a 12 year old over her lap with the hairbrush then over the chair for the paddle I am always a mess crying and saying I will be good When through she walks me naked with a red bottom to the bedroom and grounds me for the weekend !!

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  17. Anticipation plays a big part at our house. I call it a " AAA". Anticipation. Application and After effect. She'll say " we will discuss this later " and I go to our room and wait. It could be a few minutes or a few hours. Anxiety and butterflies settle in as the anticipation goes on. Finally she comes in with her paddle in hand and is seated. She calls me over and I get into position. The application starts and paddling given. When done I have a hit dire bottom and the after effects set in. Once it's over all is forgiven and good again.

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  18. Wife doesn't let things lie for long, my discipline is dispensed within minutes, usually i am marched upstairs to the bedroom and told to get the implement She is going to use, and then to get into position. Though this time is short, my feelings are that i am resigned and disappointed in myself. It was after the first spanking that i realized there was no changing Her mind, that begging and pleading only made Her more mad, and that the only thing to due is submit. During the actual punishment, i am just mindless, trying to bear it as best i can nail She feels my lesson is learned, and afterward my feelings are of deep sub space and admiration for Her power and authority and feelings of contrition for having caused myself to be a disappointment to Her.

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  19. Wife doesn't let things lie for long, my discipline is dispensed within minutes, usually i am marched upstairs to the bedroom and told to get the implement She is going to use, and then to get into position. Though this time is short, my feelings are that i am resigned and disappointed in myself. It was after the first spanking that i realized there was no changing Her mind, that begging and pleading only made Her more mad, and that the only thing to due is submit. During the actual punishment, i am just mindless, trying to bear it as best i can nail She feels my lesson is learned, and afterward my feelings are of deep sub space and admiration for Her power and authority and feelings of contrition for having caused myself to be a disappointment to Her.

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  20. In our case---I get paddled probably once or twice a yr in a long and very happy marriage---there is never any disagreement about when its got to settle things--I would not want ot wait as I had to when children were at home. As it is, when its got to happen I shower quick and just bend over right out of the shower and hold my shins and I get paddled on my naked butt and it really hurts but then things are once again great between us--When children were home I would come home at noon and take a ( totally deserved) paddling--and I admit i was nervous when I had to wait--When I just get it after a quick shower I am not nervous I just know my butt is going to be hurting and I guess i am ok with that--it works fine for us

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. Sounds like it works well for you both, and congratulations on needing one only once or twice a year

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