Saturday, May 7, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 136 - That Moment

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay." ―Madonna

Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

Shakespeare asked "What's in a name?"  Apparently, quite a bit where a blog's masthead is concerned.  Some of you may have noticed a subtle change to the title posted at the top of the blog.  The former Disciplined Husbands Forum has become "The Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives." It was one of those things I just decided to do, without putting a huge amount of thought into it.  It just seemed like time for a small tweak to signal that we welcome discussion from those on both ends of the disciplinary paddle.  In all honesty, I've never been all that wild about the original title anyway.  It really began as a compromise.  I wanted the blog to focus on domestic discipline (obviously) but I didn't want to step on the toes of the Disciplinary Wives Club, so I stayed away from the terms "wives" and "club."  I've gotten over some of that reticence or concern that this might be seen as a DWC rip off, as this blog found its own readership and as it became more and more clear that the DWC wasn't going to be updated anymore.  So, I made the Masthead change early this week, and with that one change, daily readership popped up by about a third.  The jury is out on whether that is a good or bad thing.  I like the thought that maybe this blog influences a few people to try the DD lifestyle, similar to the awakening the DWC provided for me.  On the other hand, the wider the readership the more trolls it attracts and the more it pops up in links on sites that may have material that isn't something I really care to be associated with.  But, I do think trying to be more openly inviting to women who are or might be into this is worth it.

Enough chatter about the blog.  I'm still having some serious writer's block, struggling to come up with new topics.  Hopefully some new ideas will arise, though there probably is some hard limit on how many original topics there can be for a blog devoted to a fairly tightly-defined relationship activity.  Now, thankfully, as our community has grown and more people chime in with comments, something worth exploring a little more often comes up.

This week's idea came from Darren, one of our newer commenters who has been hoping his wife will come to really embrace domestic discipline.  Last week he asked, "Was there a moment all the talking you had been doing as a couple all of a sudden made sense to her? And in that moment for the first time "reflexively" went to spanking as the natural resolution in the moment."  A couple of people answered, but it seems like a question that merits an independent topic.  Was there a particular moment or event when your partner really "got" the role of disciplinarian, such that spanking you for real became her natural reaction to bad behavior?

A note on the Guestbook.  There are a couple of ways to do page tabs in Blogger, like the Guestbook and others at the top of this page.  Unfortunately, the one I originally chose for the Guestbook is kind of a pain, and as the number of comments grows, it got more unmanageable.  So, I have put up a new version, copying and pasting all the old entries into the new form.  Unfortunately, doing that doesn't preserve the profile links for those who didn't post anonymously.  But, the comments themselves are there.  If you are new to this group, please stop by the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself.

I hope you all have a great week.

24 comments:

  1. It is always a work in progress, but there was an incident in which I had chronically left a particular chore undone. She sent me a text with a picture of the undone task, expressing dissatisfaction with my performance, or lack thereof. When I did it again, she sent me a text with another picture, and told me to enjoy sitting for the rest of the day, because I wouldn't be able to do so comfortably later than evening. She carried through, giving me a very hard punishment spanking. That was the first time she really stepped up and punished me hard for something that wasn't so much a major instance of rule breaking, but more a chronic annoyance that had been pissing her off.

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  2. Yesterday, I ran into a DD link in which the (spanker) husband had become fed up with the DD relationship he had with his (spankee) wife, and decided to quit, to her considerable chagrin. Right now, they are discussing what would have to happen to get the DD relationship reinstated, possibly. I suspect that this issue has arisen in some FM DD relationships, with either the spanker wife or spankee husband wanting to dissolve an established DD relationship. Perhaps, this general subject area might provide you with a discussion topic, if it has not already been covered.
    Doug

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    1. Thanks, Doug. I'll think about doing that one in the future.

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  3. For me this question goes to the heart of what these kind of relationships are all about, for the people who I sense read this excellent blog 'When did it turn serious?'

    We got into me being spanked as an admission by me to my wife about a strong fantasy that I have had since puberty about spanking, being spanked, reading about spanking, etc. She tried it a few times but more as play than discipline and to be honest more in response to my hints than to my behaviour (although even from day 1 she did vocalise the connection between my behavior and the fairly mild spanking that she was delivering. Even then I got into what seems the strange habit of emailing her my thoughts after - a practice that is still an essential part of our routine. She likes me to write about my apology, how it felt, how I feel, etc. She says I am much more articulate when I write!.

    The mid spankings happened on a fairly regular basis for about a year, often at my prompting until one night as we were preparing to go on holiday - always a stressful time for me as I am OCD with packing. A minor argument started about some trivial detail (I'm good at starting those!) which resulted in some rudeness / disrespect and me heading off to bed to leave her to it. Five minutes after I was in bed the light went on and a rather angry but controlled order to @get my shorts down and turn over!' which despite my protests I felt compelled to do (living up to my promise to her that if she wanted to spank I would NEVER resist. The leather paddle certainly made it's mark that night as she (quite rightly in retrospect) explained to me both verbally and physically) that such behaviour was not acceptable. I was on fire in a way that I have not experienced before and fully understood what 'real' discipline would entails.

    She had a quiet smile of satisfaction as we travelled from early the next morning as I was meek, submissive and very attentive. She also had that quiet smile as I winced whilst squeezing into the never very comfortable airplane seat for a four hour flight, every move reminding me of my punishment.

    That event, several years ago, was a key turning point when she really understood her power - since then I don't hint, I simply allow her to take control and punish when she sees fit which is almost without exception on a weekly basis.

    I will never get used to the sharpness of the first few stinging strokes but there is no surer way to bring me back to reality after a stress filled work week of bossing people about than to order to 'go up to the bedroom and get ready - we have some serious issues to resolve!'

    TB

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    1. Hi TB. Great story, and glad she turned that corner. Thanks for sharing.

      Dan

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  4. Dan-

    Congrats on header change. Great to have a tie into what was the old DWC. It was a little "before my time" but all the reference it gets from those who are now participants in DD is impressive! They helped a lot of folks. . Also be great if it bring into conversation wive's who are now active!!! Selfishly for my purposes would be awesome to hear from any that were brought into it by hubby and were hesitant at first.

    Hey thanks for incorporating my question!

    Ahhh and to share some "personal" news.... I'm pretty sure my wife is starting to check in here now and then!!!?????

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    1. Great to hear. I hope it answers any questions she may have.

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  5. Happy Mother's Day to all the Disciplinary Wives!!! Mine was something that I didn't even think merited a spanking, but apparently it was significant to my lovely wife. I had bought a couple of books for her to read on FLR, chastity and spanking, and she left them on the bathroom vanity for weeks and I could tell she never opened them, and so I threw them in the trash. When I got home there were three paddles on top of the books in my office. She gave the first really hard spanking for throwing her things away. Hope everyone has a great Mother's Day. John

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  6. Think I have talked about this before but there were two "moments"for me. The first was when I told him I was going to start using the strap when he threw one of his tantrums (provided long ago by my Mother but never used) I received no resistance to my decision making me think that was what he had wanted me to do a long time. The other moment was not the first spanking but an early one when I ordered him to strip completely and present his ass for the strap. He did this immediately without challenging me and even though I thought he would obey, I still was amazed at the level of obedience I got. I knew I was in charge after that and that I had taken on a responsibility I should have taken on earlier than I did.
    Holly

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    1. Hi Holly. I was thinking about you yesterday as I reorganized the Guestbook and came across your early posts and the discussion about having DD in the background as you were growing up. I'm glad to see you're still dropping by here. Very good to hear from you!

      Dan

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  7. My wife at the time and I had been doing some spanking as play for a while after seeing the Femdom movie "Exit To Eden". All of a sudden one day, much to my surprise, it became discipline.

    I felt that she had become addicted to chocolate kisses so I hid them. It didn't take her long to find out that I had hidden them and she demanded to know where they were. When I refused to tell her she got the riding crop, ordered me to strip, and told me to lay across the foot stool.

    She firmly asked, "Where are the kisses?". I refused to tell her. All of sudden I felt an extremely hard lash across my ass. It was far more painful than anything we had done in play and felt like fire across my ass. Again she asked, "Where are the kisses?", and again I refused to tell her. The second lash hurt even more as my ass had been sensitized. Maybe she hit even harder, I don't know but it stung like hell.

    The process repeated a third time and she said firmly, "We can do this all day. Where are the kisses?". I couldn't bear the thought of another lash and I capitulated. I suddenly and very vividly learned just how powerfully effective discipline from the riding crop could be.

    I_ObeyHer

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  8. Sounds like she took to it like the duck to water, which some of us discussed last time!

    Exit to Eden -- decent book, but what a stinker of a movie!

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  9. {"Was there a moment all the talking you had been doing as a couple all of a sudden made sense to her? And in that moment for the first time "reflexively" went to spanking as the natural resolution in the moment." A couple of people answered, but it seems like a question that merits an independent topic. Was there a particular moment or event when your partner really "got" the role of disciplinarian, such that spanking you for real became her natural reaction to bad behavior?}

    Yes. I believe it was the moment I first suggested it.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. Dan

    Love the name change... hopefully wives like me will be tempted to enter the discussion.

    anna

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  12. Dan

    In answer to the question of the week. Both Peter and I agree the moment or rather
    the incident that propelled me into taking up discipline in a serious manner was this:

    Our boys were getting ready on Friday to be picked up for a weekend with Peter’s
    parents. One of the boys didn't want to go until he finished some game he was playing on the computer. My mother in law was waiting patiently but annoyed. I told the boy to get upstairs and to do it NOW! He stormed out of the room and as he exited he turned and yelled at me. “I heard you the first time! Do you have to always be a nagging bitch?”

    The boy was 9 at the time. Without missing a beat my mother in law turned to Peter
    and said quietly. “I wonder where he picked that up? Is this behavior you show the boys?”

    With that she waited in the car. The moment she and the boys were gone, Peter was
    headed to his den. “Don't even think about leaving. That was the final straw. Give me your belt and let me show you what I intend to do to you if you ever speak to me that way again. I won't have you turn the boys into bullies!”

    I then proceeded to use the belt until the welts were visible and I heard Peter whimper. That was the defining moment..I realized if I didn't do something to change how Peter acted how could I ever expect the boys to change.

    Anna & Peter

    P.S. I want to add that nite for the first time I saw that discipline from that point on would be something she would use to make change.

    Peter


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    1. Thanks, to you both for sharing this. Peter, it's great that your mother played a role as well. I have no doubt mine would take me to task for any rudeness to my wife.

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  13. My story began a little different.
    About one year I would consider everyone in this forum fools. However today I understand everyone here.

    The two years my wife was forgetting appointments, tasks and having weight gain. I as leader of the house decided to discipline her and she obeyed.

    When I decided that she deserved to be corrected I always followed the same ritual. The night I ordered it tirarasse all the clothes on the bed and I used my belt applying something between 4 and 10 hards slaps your ass. Always used all my strength, however was quick and painful (I knew that the worst possible way). In the first three months this ritual was repeated 5 times. but with time it was decreasing.

    After 1 year the story has changed, already made two months that she was not disciplined and I decided to discipline for a silly reason and at the moment everything changed.

    She said she would not be disciplined and that I deserved it
    She said my past mistakes (his main complaint was the way I treated her). After a long explanation she ordered to go to bed in a position to be disciplined and she disciplined me the same way I did with her for one year. After discipline me she said that things would change.

    I never imagined that this could happen to me. It was disconcerting. I always considered myself an alpha and a man like me could never be leaving to be disciplined.

    The next day I she was psychologically stronger and more determined and I still did not understand what was happening. One felt more relaxed when I found this blog. I read several topics old and discovered other related husbands being disciplined.

    My wife is disciplining me in the last 7 months. In the first 3 months I have been disciplined about 8 times. My own belt being used.

    In my relationship who most benefited was my wife. Today it is very strong and now we have the same position in the relationship before I was a sovereign leader.


    Lew

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  14. I realized that this is not strictly on topic, but it is sort of close.
    Not too long after I first asked my wife to spank me within an erotic context, which she did, albeit quite reluctantly, I became interested in what I saw on the DWC website, and wanted to give it a try. So I raised the stakes by requesting in writing a FM DD arrangement. For about a week I got no response from my wife. So finally I broached the subject verbally. She was clearly agitated and visibly shaking. I guess she was extremely concerned about the direction in which our marriage might go, and could not divorce from her mind an unpleasant memory of childhood disciplinary spankings she received from her step-father, which seemed to her to be anything but loving.
    But an important moment had arrived: while she flat out said that she "could not" give me disciplinary spankings, she said she would, going forward, be willing to give me erotic spankings when I wanted them. I agreed to this arrangement; I accepted her terms.
    Over time, her erotic spankings have become quite hard (for me) - to my liking - and now occur twice a week. These are delivered with a long-handled wooden paddle I made for her, they sting, and she continues paddling me until my reddened bottom starts to develop an ashen color.
    My part of the bargain is that I do not, and will not bug her to give me disciplinary spankings.
    Doug

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