Saturday, March 19, 2016

The Forum Vol. 129 -- Lying & Revised Guestbook

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships. I'm sorry for bailing out last week.  Life has gotten very busy again.  It does that sometimes, which is annoying -- but better than the alternative by a longshot.

Today's topic is simple and, surprisingly, one that I don't recall doing before, at least not as a stand-alone topic. 

Lying.  Specifically, have you ever lied to avoid a spanking?  How about lying to her about whether you obeyed a rule she set?

This topic hit close to home for me a few weeks ago.   There was a personal behavior issue on my part she was making some effort to address.  Which is great, because as we have tried to move into a real FLR, something more than just disciplining me for bad acts, she has sometimes struggled to be very directive about what she wants.  This time, she gave me a direct order, setting a limit on my behavior.  But, complying would have meant interrupting something I wanted to do. Worse yet, I had already exceeded the limit she had given me.  So, I ignored the order, while simultaneously lying about the behavior.  That is always a dangerous thing, but like many personal behavior issues, our spouse's ability to detect non-compliance may be limited.  But, wives often have their ways.


Now, ultimately, I did do the right thing.  One way my wife "finds shit out" is via a journal I started keeping a year or so ago.   In this case, after hemming and hawing with my own conscience for a while, I finally owned up to things in a journal entry.  It was a very hard thing to make myself do,  because it sucks owning up to it when you have done something wrong; sucks more to own up to it after you have lied about doing something wrong; and sucks even more when you know that owning up to it will and should result in one or more hard spankings.

How about you?  Ever lied to your wife about your compliance with one of her rules? Did you do it to avoid a spanking?  How did that work out?  Does she have ways to find out how you are behaving? What happens if she catches the lie?

I also wanted to both address one comment from last week and, in the process, try to reinvigorate one feature of this blog -- the Guestbook.  Anonymous left a long series of topic questions.  Originally, I thought about just using them all as a topic this week, basically allowing everyone to give a global "summing up" of their DD relationship of sorts.  But, upon review, many of the individual topics were things we have not only done before, but done often and recently.  It occurred to me, however, that some of these might make good ongoing prompts for the Guestbook.  What is the Guestbook, many of you may ask?  If you look at the top of the blog, under the title and introductory blurb there is a strip of buttons with links to certain features, one of which is the Guestbook.  As originally envisioned, it was a place for people to drop by and tell something about themselves, while not being bound by a weekly topic.  That is still really the vision, but the plain fact is the thing has just never caught on.  Which is unfortunate, because there was a Guestbook feature on the Disciplinary Wives Club website that I really enjoyed, particularly when I was just starting out in DD and wanted to get all the information I could from people who were really practicing this lifestyle.  I'm not quite sure why the one on this blog has never gotten much activity, particularly given that we get about 1,000 page views a day, but I will try to give it another try.  If you feel like telling everyone something about yourself, something that doesn't necessarily address the weekly topic, please consider stopping by the Guestbook, with its new set of prompts.

Have a great week.

34 comments:

  1. It's not a problem. And, my reluctance to go with it had nothing to do with the topics themselves -- I appreciate all ideas. We had just done almost all of them, and done many of them very recently. But, they do add up to a good set of prompts for the Guestbook, and I have added them to it, replacing the old version.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think it is normal to lie to people. I will admit I have lied to my wife from time to time, but I cannot do it consistently as I love her. And I would rather tell the truth and suffer the consequences than lie which has a different bunch of consequences. I have been married to her for over 32 years and we are just a few years from retirement and are each other's best friends. So lieing to her is not something I do very often, almost never.
    Baxter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's awesome, Baxter! Something we all should aspire to.

      Delete
  3. Hi Dan!

    As you know, I've caught Shilo in lies before, most of them being lies of omission. I'd like to think that he's finally learned that he can't hide stuff from me. I believe that honesty and transparency go both ways in a DD/BDSM relationship. One of the worst things I could do is to not admit when I'm wrong.

    Journaling keeps people honest, and it can be a valuable tool in a relationship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Merry. Totally agree that transparency should go both ways. Journaling has really helped me.

      Delete
  4. I have not caught my husband lying outright recently. However, early on in our journey, we faced the opposite: he didn't lie to get out of trouble, he lied to get in it. He would certainly exaggerate an offense to make it seem more "discipline worthy." But, I was not confident in my role yet. I did not realize his strong need and desire to be led. Now, we have both evolved in the DD aspect of our relationship. I can recognize when he needs it, and when an infraction calls for it. And because I've learned how to properly discipline, he no longer enjoys it. He still craves it and does not waver in our commitment, but the punishment is now unpleasant.
    Hope this made sense! Thanks for a great discussion question and giving the community a voice!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rebecca! I hadn't thought of that possible angle, but it makes perfect sense. It's great that your relationship has progressed so positively. Thanks for sharing!

      Delete
    2. Hi Rebecca,
      I understand you are a writer and write about F/M relationships. Forgive me but I am not familiar with your work but I have looked at some of the work available on Amazon looking for either real life stories or realistic fiction and have been disappointed largely. Can you recommend your own work or others you know that deals with real life or at least is believable fiction.
      Thanks so much
      Ed.

      Delete
    3. Hi Ed. I'd love to talk to you about it and try to answer any questions you may have. If you look on my profile, I believe it will connect with my blog and possibly show my email address (if not, its rebeccalawsonpress@gmail.com).
      I don't want to clutter up Dan's discussion thread or make it look like I'm hawking stuff on his blog. ;) But please contact me and I'd be happy to try and point you in the right direction...or at least stuff I've liked.
      Have a great day!

      Delete
    4. Rebecca, no problem. When I try to access your blog through the links on your profile, I get an error message saying the blog does not exist. Feel free to share a link here.

      Delete
    5. Ed: I have written realistic F/m stories for years. You may find them here along with other stories with other gender dynamics and other levels of realism. Just look at the descriptions to see what suits your tastes.
      http://mattmansfigures.homestead.com/colfire.html

      Several of the F/m stories are based almost entirely on re-worked episodes from my own experience.

      Delete
    6. Ed: I have written realistic F/m stories for years. You may find them here along with other stories with other gender dynamics and other levels of realism. Just look at the descriptions to see what suits your tastes.
      http://mattmansfigures.homestead.com/colfire.html

      Several of the F/m stories are based almost entirely on re-worked episodes from my own experience.

      Delete
    7. Thanks Dan! I'll have to get that fixed. I just did a post on frequently asked questions that Ed may find helpful. Anyone please feel free to contact me anytime! Here's the link:
      http://justyouraveragefemdom.blogspot.com/
      Have a great Monday!

      Delete
    8. re:wife finding out---My wife and I have a great trust level and we both know the reason a bare paddling has to occur--It is always because of my conduct with my male friends of which her moral and religious views are offended---When i am doing the stuff with my guy friends--I think "IT WON'T HURT THAT MUCH" When I am bare assed bending over--I think I was a fool but more to the point of this subject--Since i said we have such a good relationship and high trust---I tell her whether she would find out or not--We both know it means a paddling a nd I know my butt is going to hurt bad but --there is never a disagreement as to the need to settle it with a paddling--so honesty is what she deserves--so i tell her--It works for us just fine any other guys "confess'

      Delete
  5. I won't say I have never lied to her but its been a while. In the beginning the top three sins were deliberate disobedience, unauthorized masturbation and untruthfulness of any kind. She made me aware that I could be deceptive by omission, and not telling her the full story or even omitting any story at all if I thought it would get me in trouble with her. She dislikes having to interrogate me to " pull things out" when I should be open and forthright about things she should know about. All of this took a lot of " education" on her part because I honestly didn't realize omitting things was the same as telling a lie. Today we have solved most of this with our regular behaviors reviews in which I never get spanked right away no matter what I report. To me a spanking has to be imminent before I begin to treat it as real. This is a defense mechanism of some sort on my part because its been a long time since I was sentenced to a spanking and it didn't eventually happen. But having a days grace ( in most cases) makes me a truth teller. and we both like that.
    Alan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Alan. I agree there is a lot of wisdom in your approach of decoupling the timing between the report and the spanking.

      Delete
  6. My objective in DD was to stop behaving in ways that upset, disappointed or angered my wife giving her the power to spank (paddle) me when I did to stop that behavior. It would be up to her to paddle me as hard and long as she felt necessary to eliminate those behaviors. That said, things do occur that may violate rules, but if they are not done in my wife's presence, they don't affect her, and I will keep them to myself for two reasons. First, if I told her she would be upset and I don't want to do that, and second I don't want to be paddled for a rule violation that she doesn't know about. Some of the disciplinary wives may not agree with that. Our agreement does not require me to report on myself.
    However, if I am caught not telling her there is hell to pay. I agreed to stop smoking. After work I cam home and brushed my teeth (to hide smoke on my breath), and changed my clothes. My wife was suspicious and asked if I had been smoking. I said no. She went up to the bedroom closet and smelled smoke on my clothes. I was caught and confessed. Worse yet I had lied (another rule violation). She was so mad at me she got her sorority paddle and I bent over the sofa and got 50 hard strokes about 15 seconds apart that were excruciating until I numbed up. However I was deeply bruised and very uncomfortable for several days. I have never smoked since so it turned out to be a good thing. Now if my wife asks me if I violated a rule I won't lie and will tell her, But I do not volunteer my rule violations. Yes, I do not enjoy my wife's paddling's and have no interest in getting any more than necessary.

    Fred

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Makes sense. Some of what I wanted to address with DD was behavior that hurts me but not necessarily her. Therefore, the need to self-report. But, I can see how your approach makes total sense if the spankings are really meant to address things that do affect her or that she has decided are a big deal, like smoking. I quit years ago, long before our DD, and it was unbelievably hard. I wish my wife would have known about paddlings back then. Might have given me the extra incentive I needed.

      Delete
  7. I suppose I have done my share of 'dancing around the truth' at times but for the most part I do try to be honest about my behavior. After all, this is a mutually-desired lifestyle and Rosa is no mind reader. Still, the major portion of punishments stem from issues she has witnessed. Just this weekend alone saw me over her lap fro more than one good dose of her paddle......and none of it was for anything I had to confess......though she does always ask me if there's "anything else I should know". Oddly enough, as sore as my bottom already was, once she has me in that 'contrite miscreant' mindset, I am susceptible to confessing more things and I did admit that I was feeling guilty over a few exchanges I had with her about her using her phone.

    Since these are real issues, not play issues, we discussed it fully and she said she now felt we BOTH understood the issue from both sides, and since she felt I was not wrong to mention it or even complain about it, now that I understood her side, further nagging over it would be met with immediate punishment.

    She did make sure to call me back to the room one more time a couple hours later for a very hard spanking just as reminder of who calls the shots and who is obliged to obey. (she definitely made her point.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi KD,
      I have looked at some of your stories and they are very good. One I think you titled "Pride" and that captured an experience I had with the girlfriend who introduced me to DD. I was actually spanked in front of the woman I offended and did have to sincerely apologize to her as a condition of my punishment to end. ( The girlfriend did not spank me as in your story but wow years later I still fantasize about how that would have gone and she was a dedicated disciplinarian which makes it even hotter to think about) But you really captured in your story that prideful arrogance I have and maybe many of us have and how the paddle can break us down until we let go of the arrogance down to our deeper feelings. Was the story based on an experience you had or knew about. It's hard to believe it's fictional. Thanks for the memory but more important congratulations for capturing that dynamic and how and why spanking solves it I hope more people get a chance to read it.
      Alan

      Delete
    2. Alan, Thank you for the kind words. Many of my F/m stories are based on actual experiences......some almost to the letter. However, "Pride" was based on the personalities of people I know that I then placed in the fictionalized plot. Even when I do write something that technically didn't happen as written, the mindsets and situations are still gleaned from personal experience with various people over the years.

      Delete
    3. KD,
      Then its even more impressive as literature because you nailed the emotional dynamic so perfectly. The story really transcends just pride or arrogance but illustrates why spanking works at such a deep level when we let go to it opening up deeper feelings. Maybe Dan would be willing to reprint it in " User Stories"
      Alan

      Delete
  8. My reply would be no. I have never lied about anything. I think it's better to just get it over with as opposed to making things worse later. We did have a situation a couple years ago where I wasn't wrong. She didn't believe anything and paddled me anyway. A few weeks later she did find out I wasn't wrong. She apologized but the damage was done. If I can ask this question. Has anyone ever been wrongfully spanked ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, JR. That is a good attitude -- one I can at least aspire to. I have not been "wrongfully" spanked, though it sounds like a good future topic.

      Delete
  9. I was the one who originally wanted the DWC Lifestyle. So I am personally uncomfortable lying to my wife. Now I can't claim it absolutely never happens. But 99% of the time, integrity with myself and with the relationship wins out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another good philosophy -- if you asked for it, you should accept the consequences. Thanks, Tomy!

      Delete
  10. Reading above, I guess the term "lying by omission" does apply here at times. But if She directly asks me something, I find I will look down (or up!) and quietly tell Her the real (and full) answer. Makes for a little more pain in the near term, but has been good for us overall.
    Bob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Bob. I don't think I have lied once she directly confronts me, but it also has, unfortunately, gone beyond purely omissions.

      Delete
  11. J. makes a point of spanking (or whipping) me at least once - and sometimes twice - a week to deal with any transgressions that might have escaped her attention. Accordingly, I don't feel compelled to confess every minor misdemeanor I might have committed - but more serious breaches on my part are likely to be noticed (and punished accordingly), and I know better than failing to admit my guilt... And, then, there are those cases when I have messed up in a way she couldn't have detected (e.g. when I burned the roast while she was away from home) - in which case, I will anticipate what I know is coming by lowering my pants and kneeling on the rug (or on top of the bed) when I hear her pulling into the driveway, so that she will immediately understand, by seeing my exposed derrière, that some serious "action" is in order (and is unfailingly administered!) No recriminations (on her part) or excuses or apologies (on my part) are needed!

    L.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. L. forgot to mention that the rules he mentions (and which I consistently follow!) are more or less those I had watched N. (his late wife and my best friend) apply to his naughty backside!

      J.

      Delete
    2. I'll bet there is an amazing and beautiful story to go with J.'s comment. And I am not saying we are entitled to know it. Just that it feels like a bitter sweet tale.

      Delete
  12. Dan

    As a child, I could never get away with not telling the truth. I always
    seemed to give myself away. The same is true with Anna. I just don't
    seem to lie with any conviction. Anna made it very clear if she was
    going to discipline me and if she ever caught me in a lie or an evasion,
    discipline would stop.
    I do keep a journal and Anna has total access to it as well as any emails,
    tweets, etc on both phone and computer. As time passes I find it easier
    to be direct with Anna about fears and/or concerns. Discipline centers me.
    I find it easier to say just that.” I need to be disciplined. “ the hard part is,
    I then have to explain just why I feel I need it.

    peter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Peter. I don't doubt that a threat of discipline stopping would probably be a very effective deterrent.

      Delete

Your comment will posted if/when approved by the moderator. This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed.