Saturday, March 5, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 128 - Post-Discipline Sex

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships. 

I hope you all had a great week.  I have been working and traveling so much that neither discipline nor this week's gloss on it have really been much of an issue.  But, let's go for it anyway.  It's a topic raised by Anna, namely what role does sex play after a disciplinary spanking? For some couples, the intimacy following a spanking includes sex.  Others never have sex after a spanking, fearing that mixing the two also sends mixed messages.  Do you have a rule or standard practice when it comes to mixing discipline and sex?

Have a great week.

Dan

37 comments:

  1. If you take the word disciplinary away from the word spanking, then that changes the tone. I do get a spanking before sex, not a long one but enough to warm up my butt good and I know my wife gets interested by being very wet and sex can be great after. However too much spanking can take away, I have found, the desire to have sex, kinda dulls the penis. I can't really explain it, but I think you can figure it out.

    Baxter

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    1. Hi Baxter. That is why I included the word "disciplinary." Lots of people incorporate spanking into sex play, so I wanted to focus on non-sexual spankings.

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  2. Since all of my spankings are to get me focused on performing better at work, one rule that my wife insisted on is "no sex until a night passes after a spanking." My wife is pretty vanilla, so she does not want it to bleed into our sex lives.

    Sometimes I wish that rule was relaxed, because sometimes I have to travel the morning after a spanking. Consequently, it means that it will be a week or so after sex. However, I am the one that asked to be spanked, so you take the good with the bad.

    Joe2

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    1. You take the good with the bad . . . wise words!

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  3. Morning, Dan and All,
    As a disciplined husband, spankings here do serve an "improvement" purpose, but we typically mix in some sex. Before we got into DD, my Wife did notice that swats on my butt during sex got me really moving for Her...was one of the things that pushed us forward into this lifestyle, perhaps.

    These days, a spanking session is different. She will spank otk and then use a paddle on me. But She will have me in "punishment panties" for the event...i get some choice between them, but they're pretty much granny or brief panties. So, spanking starts in those -- another way to knock me down a peg. Eventually they come off as She continues to discuss how i should improve. (Here, typically she worries about how red i am looking, and i say i can take a bit more). In the meantime, She does enjoy watching me squirm and yelp on the bed...so that's part of the fun for Her. When She decides i've had enough, it's over.Generally -- but not always -- it then takes a sexual turn. While i will have offered "anything She wants" for sex, She will typically decline, but She will allow me have post-spanking 'relief.' (The relief matters because i've already had to admit i'm distracted from doing tasks and work in part from lack of sexual relief ), The pattern is the panties go back on, and i have to manually relieve myself while She watches gets a few more whacks in, or lets Her hands roam where they want (to torment nipples or more pleasurable things). So at the end, i've been lectured, spanked, and have made a mess, as She's overseen it all. She walks out and lets me put everything away. I'm very contrite and humbled when I get downstairs and thank Her for helping me get focused. Btw, if She is angry, no play after the spanking, or She'll just walk out and ignore once i start the relief part, which is emotionally brutal.

    Will be interesting if most couples don't mix the two, to me. But it works for us!

    -bob
    (btw, do any of you DD guys have this happen: You get taken to help the Wife shop. Finally, at checkout you get a nice salesgirl, who's actually friendly and smiling at you, and you're chatting. Finally! Your Wife walks up and says, "Maybe I should carry these. You might hurt your back." right in front of the salesgirl. Grrrrr...quite the take down!! :) P.S I said no, and grabbed the heavy box myself anyway. I think i'm in the clear here though, lol! )

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    1. HI Bob. No, I can't say I've encountered that. But, she has lots of other ways of keeping my ego in check

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  4. My wife strongly feels a spanking has a purpose, she does not have sex afterwards with a naughty little boy. It could be several days later we have fun, but when I'm facing the wall, naked, crying, a very warm, red, stinging bare bottom on display, sex if far from my mind, sitting is what I want to do. My wife does bath me after my time facing the wall is over, but that is because I will be wearing my jammies the rest of the day, back to being a naughty little boy and I feel like a naughty little boy, the hairbrush is left out for me to see.

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    1. I am surprised that sitting is what you want to do after getting a red bottom!

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    2. Not what I want to do, but trying to explain how hard of a spanking my wife gives.

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  5. For us, in our house, it depends on the reason for the spanking. Mistress K. will occasionally spank me because, well, just wants to, because she enjoys it. Sometimes it causes horniness in her that she didn't expect or intend, but nonetheless happens. On such occasions, I am instruction to pleasure her sexually.

    Of course when there is a true punishment spanking, that never occurs. I suppose it's possible, but isn't very likely. That being said, Mistress K. has not established a spoken rule against it.

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  6. Another interesting topic and surprising it has not come up before. I have experienced it both ways but with two different woman. The girlfriend who introduced me to DD often initiated love making after she spanked me.She usually applied lotion to my bum and that led to romance that was some of the best sex I ever had.There is something about making love to a woman who has just disciplined you that is indescribably exciting. But as that relationship matured the post spanking sex decreased considerably and the emphasis on punishment as for example lengthy corner time increased. I don't remember her ever formally forbidding sex but she was less interested in sex after spanking me as time went on. With my wife there has never been sex after a punishment spanking ( did some erotic spanking early in relationship) She doesn't have a definite period of abstinence but two days or more is the norm and that would be if she is satisfied with my behavior and attitude after the spanking.Interestingly she has told me that spanking me often makes her horny, not during or immediately after the spanking but maybe later that day or the next day. So her forbidding of sex isn't necessarily because she isn't interested but because she thinks punishment/discipline needs to be kept separate from lovemaking.I am never allowed to masturbate without her prior permission but after a spanking I am not even allowed to ask permission.Years ago I was spanked for doing so and now I know better.This is really part of being punished for me because the desire to masturbate after a spanking is very strong
    Alan

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    1. Hello Dan,
      Sex and spanking are definitely linked at some level. But a wife disciplinarian must remain completely in control of if, and when or how it happens. Men will make spanking into a sexual game if allowed and so one must remain strongly in disciplinarian mode throughout the process. Sometimes spanking him, nude and submissive , I can have erotic feelings. Acting on them in my opinion is fine as long as I remain on top ( literally) and he doesn't come at all). I allow some penetration but he is not that long lasting and so I make him withdraw long before any " accidents" occur ( never have). I will leave the rest of it to everyone's vivid imagination.He gets very little sexual gratification from it but it does make him feel loved and forgiven and I have had some of my strongest orgasms this way. Perhaps I am a little sadistic but it turns me on to think he can't come while I can have as many orgasms as I want. Maybe that's his real punishment.
      Marisa

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    2. Hi Alan. Interesting that her arousal happens a fairly long time after the discipline.

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    3. Hi Marisa. I wouldn't be surprised if most disciplinary wives become at least a little sadistic after they get comfortable with exercising power. It would kind of seem to come with the territory.

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    4. Dan,
      I agree the delayed arousal is puzzling but I have talked to her several times about it and that's what she experiences.I expect many women are more interested in sex when they deeply trust a man and accepting a disciplinary spanking from a women for acknowledged bad behavior might build that trust. Whatever it is she definitely feels closer to me after she has spanked me.
      Alan

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    5. Alan, that's an interesting way to think about it. Thanks.
      bob

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  7. We keep sex and discipline totally separate. Neither of us get any enjoyment from discipline so it's never part of or leads directly to sex. That doesn't preclude it at bedtime but then it's as part of our normal intimate relationship.
    Dave

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    1. Thanks, Dave. Do you get aroused prior to the spanking? If not, you seem to be an exception.

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  8. R spanks me for punishment, just because she feels like spanking me and many times she will warm my bottom before sex. Having said that when I do get punishment it will usually take place in the bedroom or the family room with me bent over the sofa arm. It's a hard spanking and when she is done I get put in what she calls display position on my knees and elbows legs spread where she has a view of my bottom. that will last for about 10-15 minutes then I can get dressed again. Never sex after punishment. I do know spanking me for any reason gets her wet but her rules say no way. Usually a day or so later she will consent to sex.
    archedone

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    1. i do like the term "display position"
      bob

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  9. We had this situation last month. We had a problem that was slowly getting better but not fast enough. Finally my wife had enough. She never spanks when truly mad but came in to speed things up. Once in position she explains the reason for being there. The paddling is given. It's very firm , long and completely no nonsense. When complete the subject is closed. It's real from beginning to end and exactly a disciplinary spanking. No sex ever. We feel it wouldn't be discilpline if there was a reward at the end.

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    1. Thank, Jr. Closing the subject at the end has to be one of the biggest advantages of DD.

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  10. Rosa is turned on by all but the most serious and emotional spankings. However, if she is not REALLY upset, she will get turned on by the punishment most of the time. Usually when this happens she does a sort of "lap-frot" and manage an orgasm for herself. If she does this, it is usually towards the early part of the spanking, but after she's come down from her orgasm she will resume the punishment. We have discussed this at length and she has assured me that her enjoyment of her power and my situation is in no way an indication that she is not also serious about what she is doing. I am allowed very few orgasms anyway, and so it is pretty unheard of for me to have one after a punishment.

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    1. That is an interesting mix -- turned on but also serious about the punishment.

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  11. My wife has a no-nonsense view of household rules, and I know I can expect to be spanked, whipped or caned for any transgression (more or less harshly, depending on the seriousness of the offence) - but, after I have thanked her for punishing me 'as I deserved' comes the time for forgiveness, hugs and kisses... which usually ends up with some mutually pleasurable lovemaking.

    L.

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  12. Usually my Mistress beats me so hard i rarely am in the mood after i'm disciplined, but she almost always wants oral after my beating.\. And of course that makes me horny. So it is pretty much a ritual for us now. I'm beaten, she gets off, and then she teases me and denies me release. It's all part of my punishment. It can be frustrating in the moment, but i love it anyway. -- brian1

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    1. Hi Brian1. Teased and denied -- definitely not my idea of good time, but to each his own. :-)

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  13. While I sometimes have an erection prior to my spanking - once it begins its gone. Never have sex following a spanking ...

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    1. That has to be a good indication of whether what is happening is real punishment -- does the erection go away.

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  14. Mostly the two don't happen at that time . But if it does it is before the spanking which is very hard to take after sex . And she knows it.

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    1. I have never experienced that, and I really don't want to. There is something about the erotic energy that does make the spanking easier to take. It must be awful having that energy dissipated first.

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  15. It really makes it real . That's for sure. It is the only times she can get me to tear up a little.

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  16. I would not mix sex with discipline. However, while making love if the bare bottom on top gets hand spanked--mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

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  17. There is never any intimate sexual contact after a disciplinary secession. My wife come to the belief that spankings are only to be imposed because of some "misconduct" or if she feels I embarrassed her in a public setting, or came home quite late, or a serious failure on my part to meet her expectations concerning my household duties. They are not done to satisfy some "need" in me to be punished.

    Our spanking secession don't happen often, as she has learned to make the application quite painful in order to modify my behavior or improve my obedience to her. To her it is discipline, not sexual.

    We usually do not engage in any sex for at least a week after one of these secessions, as she feels I need that time to reflect upon; my poor attitude,lack of respect towards her, my inadequate domestic performance or other personal failures on my part.

    She was reluctant to engage in any real form of domestic discipline when I repeatedly brought up the subject over a period of years. When I finally convinced her to try to use corporal punishment in order to take control over our marriage, she approached it without a lot of real enthusiasm, until she began to see the benefits from the positive changes in me. That gave her the confidence to make the spankings a lot stronger, where it is now reached the level that I actually try to avoid them.

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  18. Dan

    When we began discipline I made it clear that I was not at all interested in this being foreplay of any sort. Because of having children we have, as I have mentioned before, with few exceptions
    kept any disciplinary sessions to friday nights when our boys spend an overnight with Peter’s
    folks.
    We usually go out to dinner and at dinner if there is to be any discipline that week we talk about
    it over dinner. Once home Peter goes to our room, undresses and then lays out several implements that I may choose to use. He than lays on his stomach legs spread and waits. Often
    the wait may be up to half an hour. Once I enter the room and order him to assume position he
    knows to kneel hands in front of him and legs are to be spread 8 inches. I wait for tears or until
    I hear a certain moan that comes from him. I then send him to stand in the corner nose to wall,
    legs spread and hands always joined at linked at the waist. I leave the room and return somewhere between 15 minutes to as much as half an hour later. I then expect him to briefly explain to me why he did whatever he did. If satisfied I send him for a special lotion to soothe
    the bruising. We then go to bed and there is never to be sex that evening.
    There have been times when I returned and sensed a resentment or attitude we repeat the discipline at once. If there were no tears the first time it never seems to fail that the second time
    there are tears aplenty.Of course there is no sex, and more than once that meant no sex for the
    weekend.


    anna

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  19. When I might possibly be in trouble. During my wife's interrogation. She looks directly into my eyes. There is absolutely no chance that I would try to lie. I adore my wife. If i'm not in trouble, but I know I should be, I start to feel guilty and nervous. It's better to confess.

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