What a week. Last week's topic was devoted to work issues, though I hardly needed the topic to keep my mind fully occupied with work. I began the year a little stressed out because a huge project ended in December, we were off to a slow start for the new year, and I just don't do well with downtime. I'm kind of like those Jack Russell Terriers that tear the house apart not because they are bad, but because they are bored. I've learned that even when we are crushingly busy, that is a much better place for me mentally than having downtime. Except, I have to remind myself to be careful what I wish for, and that is what I am experiencing right now. Too much work, too few hours in the day. But, it is better than the alternative.
It was an interesting topic last week, capped off with a flurry of postings from one Anonymous commenter who I had invited to expand on a comment from a couple of weeks ago. I think he is the only reader I have encountered who not only uses DD to enhance work performance, but really uses it only for work. Maybe that suggests a future topic about the extent to which our couples compartmentalize DD, using it to address some categories of issues while excluding others. But, that's not our topic for today.
This week's topic is about consent. Particularly what I have seen referred to as "consensual non-consent." I can feel KD Pierre cringing, because he and I have seen this topic take a bunch of twists and turns in another forum. But, it is a hard one for me to even describe, so I invite KD and others to really pitch in helping drive this one. In a nutshell, my question is, what role does consent play in your DD relationship, what are its limits, and is it necessary or even desirable? This topic suggests a pretty big range of subtopics:
- Was your DD relationship "imposed" on you in some way? For example, did your wife finally get fed up with your behavior and tell you that she was going to spank you? If so, did you agree to it readily, or was there some kind of threat or coercion (ending the relationship, perhaps) employed to get you to comply?
- Have you ever been spanked against your will? How did that come about?
- Does your consent to the overall DD relationship imply that you have consented to be spanked whenever your HoH wants, even if you do not think it is "fair" or "deserved" at that time? By entering into a DD relationship have you, in effect, consented to be spanked whenever she wants, even if you do not consent to a particular spanking?
- Is lack of consent a positive in your DD relationship? In other words, is part of the attraction to DD or FLR that that there is an involuntary element to it? Does part of you need that element of "non-consent" in order for it to feel like you really are being controlled or dominated?
When I first visited the DWC website, there were two stories in the "Fiction" section that really got to me. One, entitled "Even More" involved the husband asking his wife for the DD relationship. That seems to be how these get initiated a big majority of the time in the real world, and it was how ours began. It did get to me, largely because it was realistic, and it closely fit where I was at the time -- a husband who had discovered DD, was interested in exploring it, but having no idea what I was getting myself into having never had a "real" spanking as an adult. There was, however, another story, called "Pretty Legs" that involved a much less voluntary scenario. A wife announced out of the blue that she intended to spank her husband for a particular bit of bad behavior, and that spanking him would be her prerogative going forward. He was not exactly fully on board with the concept. Here is a quote that sums it up, after he expresses more than a little reluctance and asks her to just forget about the bad behavior:
"At that point Becky's look became determined; her voice quiet, but assured. "I will forget it after I have brought you to tears, dear, then all will be forgiven. But I don't want you to think for one instant that there is ANY way you can avoid my spanking you. There isn't. And furthermore, in the future, I shall make it a practice to spank you whenever I feel you need it, and you will accept it as you did your mother's spankings. Most men can profit from a dose of maternal discipline, and from now on you will be one of the lucky ones.""
That non-consensual aspect was definitely part of what both fascinated and terrified me about DD, and that has not changed that much even today.
So, what role does consent, and "consensual non-consent" play in your DD or FLR relationship?
I also added a couple of polls on how many people know about your DD relationship and who they are, if any.
Hope you have a great week.