Last week's discussion was about multiple spankings -- spankings delivered in close succession. That lead pretty naturally into some comments about tears, given the intensity and sheer painfulness of getting multiple, back-to-back blisterings.
Tears. It is a topic that I consciously try not to overdo on this Forum, not because I am not interested in it. Precisely the opposite. Left to my own devices, I would probably talk about it every week. As I said when we last addressed this as a full topic (back in December of 2014), the prospect of tears was really the most significant driver of the emotional reaction I had when I discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club website. And it was really what distinguished Domestic Discipline from anything else I had seen involving adult spankings. The stories of men being brought to tears over their wives knees both fascinated me and truly, utterly terrified me. The thought of letting go of control so thoroughly, submitting to another person so completely, that I would sob in front of my wife while she paddled my bottom was anxiety-inducing to an extent that is really hard to over emphasize. Yet, the prospect of experiencing that kind of catharsis was also a major impetus for my decision to broach the topic of DD with her. But, in doing so, I really did half-hope that she would not be interested, because the prospect of being brought to tears just terrified me so much.
So, here we are many years later, and I still have not cried, even as the result of spankings that I think anyone would acknowledge fall into the "severe" range. That is what I said back in 2014, and it is where we still are today. I am not alone. The discussion over a year ago included a user poll, which showed that more than half the respondents had never cried at all, and only about a quarter had gotten to a point of real sobbing.
Yes - only a few tears
Yes - real sobbing
In the comments that started last week, Anna said she wanted to hear about what holds men back from crying. I do think that the inability to let go emotionally is a big part of it, but not the only part. For me, there seem to be a lot of factors at play, including:
(1) I have a lead bottom -- an abnormally high pain threshold.
(2) Spankings are sometimes severe in terms of impact but not always in terms of duration, because my bottom starts to bleed (usually very minor, but enough that it makes her stop). I think the duration may be important. Like I am already near my limit, but I know it is not even close to ending.
(3) "Severity" can have its pros and cons, because some of her tools result in a numb bottom after several swats, rendering the rest of the spanking relatively ineffective.
(4) My wife doesn't do any real "warm up," and I think that is actually counter-productive, because instead of easing myself into submitting to the experience, I instantly "brace myself" and get into that "take it like a man" head space that is hard to get out of. Similarly, her lectures at this point are not really stern enough to break me down emotionally before the spanking even starts, and I think that may be an important part of the formula.
(5) Finally, I do have a very deep-seated fear of embarrassment that keeps me from quite letting go fully and completely.
Now, it's not like there hasn't been progress over our time doing DD, and especially over the last year. A big step forward was the rubber paddles we bought last year, which really hurt significantly more than any other tool she's used. About a month ago, we had one session where I came pretty close, and it was the combination of the heavy rubber paddle, and a bottom that had gone unspanked for several weeks and was especially tender. So, while I do agree that severity is not the only factor that goes into producing tears, I do think it is pretty important. Though, it obviously is not itself sufficient in most cases. Soldiers in battle may lose a limb and still not cry. So, the physical pain clearly is only one part of the puzzle.
In terms of subtopics, I will leave this one totally wide open. I am personally very interested in hearing personal stories from those of you who didn't cry initially, but somehow got there over time. What changed? For those of you like me who haven't, is it something you hope will happen? I would also really like to hear from the wives about how they reacted to the tears. Did it cause you any angst or lead you to retreat in any way from the process, because of concerns about hurting him "too much?" Or, conversely, was it satisfying in some way, like it showed you were really taking care of business?
As I said, for me this really is THE domestic discipline topic that really gets my attention, so I am really looking forward to hearing from you all on this one.
I hope you all have a great week.