Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 116

Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are practicing or interested in domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships. 

It's good to be back.  Sorry for missing last week.  Things were a little hectic. They still are, but bad habits are often acquired through small lapses, so I know I can't let missing or delaying postings become a habit.  And, I would miss all of you.

I will begin this post with a confession of sorts.  We have been in a real lull where discipline is concerned.  It has been at least two months since my bottom was last warmed, and I wish I could represent that it was because my behavior has been pristine.  Hardly.  It has just been a crazy busy time for both of us.  One big impediment has been holiday parties and other social gatherings.  Seems like we have had a social engagement virtually every Saturday for weeks, and most of our discipline happens on the weekends.  With such socializing comes over-indulging (always an issue for me and the number one reason I get punished), so at exactly the moment I most need to be reined in, it is the least likely to happen.

So, this week's topic is those lulls or pauses in the disciplinary relationship.  Have you gone through one?  Did the issue eventually fix itself, or did you change something to get the process back on course?

One option I was mulling today.  We have always waited for the bad behavior to occur, then she would order a spanking to address it.  I was considering suggesting that we instead simply presume that I will be spanked on a pre-set day each week, and the only way it will not happen is if I have been well-behaved.  It would really turn our current system on its head, because I would really need to earn my way out of each weekly spanking.  Any thoughts on whether that would be a good thing to explore?

Have a great week!

Dan

21 comments:

  1. I'm reading your post as someone wanting to get this going. I know from reading here that you are about 10 years in, and it surprises me a little that you might be feeling the same thing I'm feeling this week, maybe forgotten a little? Like you I am an otherwise alpha, and never thought or heard of DD until earlier this year. I am truly shocked at how disappointed, and yes, hurt I am when I feel I am forgotten. I can say that's a feeling I had never had before in 10 years. It also has opened my eyes to how much I have probably made her feel that way. I obviously cannot speak to extended pauses but to me the question is how long can you hold in the forgotten feeling before speaking up. I have kind of learned my wife would not like me to bring it up.

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  2. Hi Ron. I have definitely had that feel before during other lulls, but it's not really where I am now. There isn't hurt or disappointment, because this lull really is the result of there just not being enough hours in the day, or at least not hours when we are both awake and alone. I'm sure we will get back on track again. In terms of when I would bring it up, I have talked before about the journal I am supposed to keep, and if I were feeling neglected, I would bring it up there. Our disciplinarian partners aren't mind readers, and I feel it's usually better to err on the side of letting them know how we feel.

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  3. I hate lulls! They happen. Thing is, it takes conscious thought to break one. When we break one I usually push Ann to tell me honestly how many times she has wanted to spank me. I hate lulls because I get spanked hard daily until we reach the number.

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    1. Hi Fred. That does sound like a bit of a disincentive to get things back on track! Though, seriously, I do think one reason our lull has continued this long is part of me does not want to get punished more often. But, I also know that in the long run, I need it.

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    2. Unfortunately we are in a lull that won't end for another week. I currently have at least four earned right now, with one promised to be especially bad. Since I have some vacation Ann has talked about dealing with more than one a day.

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  4. Wow, do I feel better. There must be something in the air or about this time of year....but "lull here too". The odd thing is Rosa and i just talked about it and it's mutual. I even said that there's a part of me that wishes she would 'break the ice' with some disciplinary action while I simultaneously feel that I could very easily resent it greatly if she did.

    Weird stuff these lulls. (but obviously not uncommon.)

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    1. Same here. Neither of us seems that into it right now. I do think it is just a function of being way too busy and falling out of the habit. So, hopefully after we get past some of the holiday festivities . . .

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  5. We got over the 'mind-reader' bit in two ways 1) I have a diary appointment called 'end of week' which coincides with a WFH day (normally Friday) which appears in our shared diary (thanks to Mr Jobs. This is a sacrosanct time for a review of the week and whilst I mostly do not look forward to it, it does get the weekend off to the right start as well as putting a full stop on the week. That is not to say that there are not ad-hoc 'sessions' at any time she feels it is necessary, but the weekly appointment means the window of opportunity is always booked. Certainly it keeps me on my toes.

    The second is the agreement we have had since day one that I write an e-mail shortly after each session which tells her my feelings, how her technique was, whether it 'worked' and of course how much I adore her. She loves getting these notes and I love writing them as I am often still smarting.

    She can mostly tell when I am overdue for some discipline or I may give her an oblique hint because like most people I like the idea, I like the after feeling but I am not very keen on the actual event.

    Just my thoughts ...

    TB

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    1. Thanks, TB. Good thoughts all. I do think that regular scheduling is probably a good preventive process to prevent lulls, or possibly to get the couple out of one.

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  6. There's been quite a lull since Shilo broke his ankle on October, and I broke my ribs in November. Between that and dealing with the ongoing hospitalization of child #2 and all it entails, either Shilo isn't up to it, or I'm too tired/in pain to be bothered.I just hope this doesn't become a trend, because I miss the closeness of disciplining Shilo

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    1. Sorry that everything has been that chaotic. Here is hoping for a better 2016 for you all.

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  7. Dan
    I think we all hit those periods. The holidays do seem to create so much activity around the boys and family our alone time seems to dwindle. As I said or perhaps Peter said it a few weeks back, we try nightly to report to each other where we both are. We do it in the dark and it is brief. Of course even that gets
    us off since with work, holidays family members coming and going. It seems getting to bed at the same time is more difficult. We have cured that with a few code words during the day, sometimes in front of the boys. Does this all make sense?

    Anna

    ps Dan Happy holidays to you and all the regulars. We are leaving friday for the holidays and won't be back till next year. Cant say enough how much this blog of yours has helped both Peter and I. Thank you!

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    1. Hi Anna. We have the same challenge with even getting to bed at the same time. Crazy way to live, nuh? But, I'm sure you're right -- things will settle down after the holidays.

      I hope you, Peter and the boys have a great vacation! Happy Holidays to you all!

      Dan

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  8. Hi Dan.
    No lull at my house. I get one third to half of all my annual spankings during the six weeks from Thanksgiving week to the end of the holidays. It has been that way for some time. Thanksgiving was typical. I got into a stupid (for me) political argument with her uncle and then I made it worse by talking back to her when she was scolding me in the car on the way home. The result was a double spanking which is just about the most severely I am ever punished. The last Sunday I throw a tantrum when she made me turn off a football game. And we have two big holiday parties to go. There are just things during the holidays that trigger bad behavior and it seems that when I “start to cycle” as she aptly calls it, I just get in deeper. For all the progress made over the years, this period is still the worst. Fortunately she expects it now and once the spanking is over everything is OK with us again and it no longer spoils the holiday as it once did.
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. It sounds like your wife is very diligent in addressing the escalating behavior issues. For us, I have had the same holiday-induced behavior problems, but with LESS consequence that usual.

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  9. Dan, we too have been in a lull, holiday induced. It was broken by my wife and we are doing a maintenance type thing for now, maybe just for the holidays. I like others here have children at home, so it's hard to find some time.
    From what I have read about your relationship, I believe your wife will resume sooner than you may want.
    Bill

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    1. Hi Bill. Probably right. "Be careful what you wish for . . ." thing.

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  10. Dan
    Well the lull is over for me. Came home from a business Xmas party four hours late, and had driven home
    very much loaded. Anna was furious and the with the boys sound asleep I barely got out of the car in the
    garage when she met me with a small handled cutting board. Within minutes I was laying over the hood of the car with pants around my ankles. First time in a very long time I was sobbing and begging for her to stop. She didn't !
    I write this from home sitting very carefully on a very bruised bottom. Anna has taken the boys to school for their school xmas party. On the bed across the room are a few paddles and a belt. Anna made it clear that she will be back and will give me a reminder of just how dangerous driving while drinking can be.
    I write this on her orders, Dan. Have a good holiday!
    Peter

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    1. Eek! I'm really sorry to hear that. I've been spanked many times for drinking, but she has never done it until the following day, or later. Sorry you now get it twice.

      And, btw, you and I are so much alike, it's like we're living parallel lives.

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  11. Hi Peter,

    Sorry to hear about your misfortune but at least I don't have to feel like the only one getting spanked around here . Holiday party's and family gatherings during the holidays are my undoing and sounds like you have experienced some of that too.Hope the rest of the holidays are better for you.
    Alan
    P.s -those cutting boards are hell aren't they. Its been a while since my bottom was connected to one but I remember what it felt like.

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    1. The joke of it all is the cutting board is one I made for my mom when I was away one summer at Boys Scout Camp. My mom gave it to my wife as a wedding shower gift. If Mom only knew the truth when Anna has told her she still uses it. Happy Holidays to all!
      Peter

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