Saturday, October 31, 2015

The Forum -- Vol. 111 -- Happy Halloween & Poll on Implements

Hello. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women engaged or interested in F/m domestic discipline and female led relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

As a preliminary matter, I hope you all have a sexy and fun Halloween.


But not TOO fun.


And maybe a little adult action after the trick-or-treating crowd is in bed.


Last week was one of those humbling experiences I get as a blogger two or three times a year.  A topic that I think is really interesting, and maybe even a little important in terms of helping budge the needle on helping women become more comfortable with assuming leadership at home, just kind of flops.   We got some good stuff at the end, but it was kind of like pulling teeth.  I'm still a little surprised we didn't get more discussion on the core question of whether being perceived as aggressive or bitchy holds women back from taking on a stronger and more powerful role, because I know for a fact this is an issue for many women who get into this lifestyle.  The reason I know it is some have mentioned in past posts, or in their own blogs, and some have contacted me off-line and talked about it.  Yet, the core issue just didn't seem to resonate with many.  Oh well.  That's one of the things I like about this weekly process -- some things work, some things don't, but even if the discussion doesn't always go exactly where I thought or hoped, it still was more fun and informative than most of the other things I did that week.

We also finished up another poll last week. This one on our favorite "implements of ass destruction"  phrased as "Spankings are most often with. . . ."  Here are the results:

Hand
  47 (23%)
Hairbrush
  60 (29%)
Bath brush
  28 (13%)
Wooden paddle
  82 (40%)
Leather strap or belt
  52 (25%)
Rubber strap
  6 (2%)
Other
  35 (17%)

A few things of note.  First, the response rate on this one was really high.  While nowadays we often get 1,000 visitors a day, many don't take time to do the polls.  Response rates are usually around 100 people. This one drew over 200.

Second, I once again really blew it in constructing the poll, because I left out one really, really obvious choice: the cane.  It occurred to me shortly after I posted it, but some people had already voted, and the Blogger polling tool doesn't let you change the choices after someone has voted.  I suspect that a lot of caning enthusiasm is showing up in that 17% "other" category.

It does appear that the wooden paddle wins hands down as the implement of choice for our community, which gives me some hope that this blog is being visited by a lot of people who are truly into this as punishment, discipline and correction, as the wooden paddle is something I think of as a serious disciplinary tool.

I also learned, much to my disappointment, that I am one of only 6 people who are either the recipient or wielder of a rubber strap.  People are missing out, though for the men on the receiving end, that may be a good thing. We added multiple rubber straps to Angela's arsenal over the last year, and they are sooooooo much more painful than a comparable leather strap.

It is just an entirely  different and utterly more miserable experience than anything we have used before.
They carry all the force of a wooden paddle or bath brush (and then some), but without as much numbing.  The pain of the swat seems to sink in deeper and radiate. I truly, truly hate them with a passion.

So, tell us about your most and least favorite implements?  Do you have some you reserve for a spanking that you really want to convey a particularly painful lesson?   And, while you're at it, tell us if you have any special plans for Halloween.  I will be staying at home handing out candy. Boring.

As we go into high-gear with the presidential debate season, I've also posted a new poll, this one on political affiliations.  I note in advance that I probably won't have a discussion on this one beyond just noting the results, because I suspect that I'll lose half the readership in one fell swoop if we start talking politics.  Rather, it's just part of my ongoing attempt to figure out who comprises this community of ours.

Have a great weekend!

Dan

52 comments:

  1. Hi Dan,
    No doubt the wooden paddle in all its varieties is a serious tool but I would take any wood paddle before I would offer my butt up to my wife's bath brush. It is incredibly painful with a full swing delivery and particularly with your bottom pushed out which is one of her favorite techniques.It sometimes literally just takes my breath away when she starts full force. On another poll topic I was surprised that almost a fourth answered the " hand" as most often used. I understand the psychology of hand spankings and when my wife stands me up and spanks by hand while scolding it is very powerful. But it is not physically painful until she uses her hairbrush or other tool.I don't have a particularly "hard ass". In fact really not at all. But a hand spanking alone would never seem to me like a real spanking. So my question is to those who are most often spanked by hand and the question is do you really experience a hand spanking as punishment or is it more erotic ( nothing wrong with erotic, but there is a difference)
    Alan

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    1. I agree that the bath brush is a very under-appreciated instrument. A lot of potential force concentrated on a fairly small surface area

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    2. I've read a few accounts where guys were hand spanked after being worn out with some implement and I can see that having some physical as well as a greater psychological effect particularly if they were already crying, but otherwise it would take a strong, determined woman for it to be much of a physical ordeal.

      Jeff

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    3. Thanks, Jeff. I agree. It is hard to imagine a hand spanking being much of a deterrent or punishment to any but the softest of bottoms.

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  2. Iwill probably visit later in the week, but I wanted to comment about hand spanking: It hurts me more than Shilo, so I stopped using it rather early in our relationship. Shilo,however, can pack a mighty wallop with his hands.

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    1. I agree with both you and Alan on hand spanking, and I think the same can generally be said about the hairbrush. I'm sure it can hurt with a really heavy brush used at full force, but in general it may cause some redness and discomfort but, as iconic as the image of a hairbrush in the OTK position may be, the hairbrush just isn't in the same league as its bigger cousin, the bath brush, or wooden paddles and heavier straps.

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  3. We used a modified Spencer plan for a few months.

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  4. Hello Dan,
    Sorry you were somewhat disappointed at responses to last weeks query re " bitchiness". Maybe if the question was broadened to include general female socialization it would elicit different responses. Most of us especially those 45 or older were brought up to expect/want our husbands to be in charge, be strong, etc. Confronted with a husband who also ( as I look at it) needs discipline can be conflicting although it doesn't preclude his also being strong and even H.O.H. I think most wives who take up the whip do confront this conflict although probably the younger a woman is the less of a conflict for her. Roles and expectations have changed dramatically among younger people and I would bet a sophisticated woman of say 25 would not bat an eyelash if asked by a man she cared about to discipline him . She might not not do it but she wouldn't be inhibited because she has been socialized to be equal at least and often in charge of the relationship.There are many good reasons a woman might decide to discipline or not to discipline.But as time goes on, conflict over her role as a woman is going to be less and less a factor The times, they are a changing
    Marisa

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    1. Hi Marisa. I've been thinking about a broader topic involving impediments to female leadership. You're probably right that it will draw a bigger response. I agree the times are changing, though I don't know how much it is driving more participation in DD and FLR. As I related, last week's topic began with a conversation I had with several women in our office, all of whom were in their late 20s up to the mid-30s. Yet, they were surprisingly bound up in these concerns about being perceived a certain way because of gender. And, if the younger crowd is more open to DD, it doesn't show up in my (admittedly very unscientific) polling. When I ran a poll on the age of our readers last year, the over 50 crowd was, by far, the biggest group. I wonder sometimes whether the younger generation has been so thoroughly socialized about the value of equality that they would be more averse to any arrangement where one spouse disciplines the other, whether F/m or M/f. Anyway, thanks for commenting, and I hope you have a great Halloween!

      By the way, I love your phrasing "wives who take up the whip." Something very intimidating and compelling in that!

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  5. Dan,
    Forget to mention how sexy your first ( witch on broomstick ) drawing is. Neither my DD experience or fantasies include woman " dressing up" But there is something absolutely fetching about that drawing. With my wife's permission of course ( which I wouldn't get) I would go over her lap anytime
    Alan

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    1. What, you aren't turned on by the scarecrow with his/her pumpkin butt offered up for some fun?? :-)

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  6. Least favorite implements ....

    We have a wooden spoon that has a rounded back side to it. This evil thing concentrates all of the ouchy into a very small spot when the spoon makes contacts with my bare bottom. The fact tat it is so ouchy is what I hate about, but also what I love about it. I want her to use it, to blister my ass with it, to give me the spanking of my life with it .... right up to the time it might happen, then it is the least of anything I would want.

    This lifestyle can do this to you, can't it?

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    1. Can't it? I'm sure it is the same for many men who are subject to real corporal punishment -- seems like a great idea, until it happens. I do find, however, that since getting our rubber straps, I do dread the thought of being spanked earlier and more often. The "message" they deliver seems to last a lot longer

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  7. Dan,
    I have never been spanked with a rubber strap or paddle and I think your poll showed them to be relatively rare. Can you compare the difference between rubber and a regular paddle or brush or leather strap. Others have also said rubber paddles and straps were very effective. My wife wants me to shop for a strap and this is on the shopping list Thanks
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. It's hard to describe and really must be experienced. As compared to a leather strap, the rubber is more rigid, more dense, and heavier. It's sort of the opposite as compared to wood, but for some reason, that magnifies the pain -- the flexibility seems to prevent the numbing effect that seems to happen with a really hard spanking with a wooden implement. I really can't describe exactly how it is different, but instead of being "stingy," the pain seems to go much deeper and kind of radiates.

      I got ours at: http://www.aswgt.com/

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    2. Dan,
      Thanks ( I think). If you wife offered you a choice of a spanking with the long handled bath brush or the rubber strap, which would you chose?. I think you know where I am going here.
      Alan

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    3. Unless I was in one of those moods where I feel like I really need to do a severe penance such that I really want the worst she can do, the bath brush. I agree it is an awful instrument, but the rubber straps are worse.

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  8. I'm of the vintage of the over 50 set as is my wife. As Marisa said, girls looking for husbands were looking for strong leader type men. Actually her relationship is similar to the one my wife and I have. I'm still the leader and HOH in the family, but after asking my wife to discipline me (for things that were troubling our marriage) it didn't take her long to administer good hard paddling's. She has developed a list of indiscretions that justify my being paddled and although some are vague (like being disrespectful) I agreed to them as being deserving of a paddling. If I violate one of these rules I am paddled and don't try to get out of it. I take the paddling without resistance because I know I've earned it. We don't do corner time or anything else, just a well paddled behind. Notwithstanding, outside of these rules, I am the HOH and my wife wants me to be. I would not be happy with a FLR, but that's me. Yet we both understand I need to be humbled and punished with a good old fashioned paddling when I step out of line. Personally, I think those of us who agree to DD are more mature than younger folks. We experienced being spanked when we were growing up and I think that sticks with us. In fact I think husbands want to be spanked when we do bad things because we know we are guilty and without giving our wives the power to control those bad things we are guilty and realize it is unfair to her. It balances the power in the relationship. and it has made me a better husband and a better person. My wife can see that too, and lovingly gives me the discipline I need, when I need and deserve it. She may give it lovingly, but she has also learned "if there is no real pain, there is no real gain" and she definitely applies what she has learned.

    Fred

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    1. Hi Fred. It would be interesting to know whether the younger generation still wants that "strong leader type" man, or whether there are other attributes they now look for more than that. Or, whether they don't want that at all, because they see it as going against the desire for equality. Or, of course, maybe they still want it after all. Probably one of those things where there is so much variability at the personal level that it is hard to apply a general rule.

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  9. The first implements my wife used (apart from her own hand) were "dual-purpose" items (hairbrush, kitchen spoon, spatula). The first "dedicated" implement she acquired was a martinet ... and quite a few other ones later.

    L.

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    1. Hi L. I've never had a martinet used on me. What is it like?

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    2. Lashing is what it does, but it all depends on the kind of martinet being used. Old-fashioned martinets (like the one she has) should have six or eight strips of solid leather (about 1/4 inch thick and ca. 16 inch long). Ours (hers, actually) was bought in a village dry-goods store in Auvergne (France) - and I still remember how embarrassed I was when my wife explained to the jolly woman who ran the store how - and on whose backside! - she planned to use it! (she did, of course, later that day - and plenty of times later!)

      A hundred lashes with that martinet will leave a lasting impression. Any more might (literally) tear the skin off one's derrière!

      Apart from using it at home, my wife often packs it in her suitcase when we are traveling - and will, "as needed", use it in hotel rooms because it is (relatively) less noisy than a hairbrush...

      L.

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    3. Among my wife's "other implements" are a rattan cane (probably from SE Asia) she found in her grandmother's attic (after the old lady died), a riding crop she bought on her own, a thick washerwoman's paddle she found on a fleamarket, and a thick leather strap (a bridle, actually) that she bought from an old lady in Southern Italy. And then, of course, there are the maple switches I have to cut and bring her every other week (and which are then "pickled" in a mix of water and vinegar) -at least during the months when the weather doesn't allow an open-air flogging in the woods with a switch she cuts on the spot!

      L.

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  10. Dan
    I think I fall between the older and younger generation. When I married Peter I wanted a partner equal in all things.Discipline wasn't a part of our beginnings. If it were not for my two sons I don't know if I would have stayed in the marriage. Peter was waltzing through life like a frat boy. He worked hard but felt as many men I think do that providing a better than average living for his family, gave him permission to do as he pleased.
    I wasn't interested including DD into our life if all it meant was I punish him and he continues to do as he pleased.
    Working out the details wasn't easy. Finally I think we have reached a balance that works for us. I think the secret is making sure both of us feel we are getting what we need. This journey is for each couple different. I don't think there is one set way to handle it.
    I have become stronger, more secure and I lead when he needs to be led. He in turn accepts that I will not betray
    his needs and I will cherish him as my husband, partner and most important as a MAN.
    ANNA

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    1. Hi Anna. I hope you and Peter and the boys had a fun Halloween. As you have observed, Peter and I seem to have a lot in common. Speaking for myself, I don't think I ever really felt that providing a good living meant I could do what I wanted, but I definitely did (and still do, unfortunately) rationalize work and the need to succeed as the justification for bad behavior. Socializing too much with colleagues and customers -- well, that's part of what it takes to succeed. Berating those in authority -- well, that's just part of trying to build a high-performance culture, right? Those are always the justifications, and it's also hard not to bring that domineering attitude home. What I realized over time was that for us "equal" doesn't really work, because I'm so deeply "type-A" that it takes a lot of force and intensity to put me in my place. That's why I hope that Angela overcomes any trepidation that might be rooted in not wanting to appear overly aggressive. I really want and need her to err on the side of being stern and strict, and I have found that while I may resent it at the time, the harder on me she is, the better it works for us.

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    2. Dan
      If you have not before show her this entryNOW. It says it all.If you feel speaking to another wife give her my email.
      anna

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    3. Hi Anna. I will definitely pass along the offer to her. So far, I haven't been able to get her to take that step, but I do think it would be good for her (and probably lots of other disciplinary wives) to talk to and support each other. Regarding the substance of my comment, she knows it. We've talked about it a lot. She knows that I really do better the tougher she is. It's just sometimes hard translating desires and best intentions into consistent action. Know what I mean?

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    4. Dan
      I DO know what you mean. Of course I don't know her but I am sure she must love you very much and like so many wives we fear that I would take it too far. Just make sure when she does it better than before you let her know how much you appreciate it. When Peter does that after a session I have told him those words of praise are are the same as a dozen white roses from him showing up
      at the door for no apparent reason. I know it takes time. Your friend
      anna

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  11. I'm new to the group and happy to be here. Like most , it was difficult for me to tell my wife about my need to be over her knee. She is very understanding and I must say very good at it ! It's been 26 years and countless sessions later all is great. She does have her " go to " implements. Hair brush and paddle mostly depending on situation. This past week was very different. She spanked me four days in a row. A first. The first two were tolerable but the last two were with the for mentioned bath brush. The area was already quite sensitive and when that brush landed I thought I'd come out of my skin ! Omg. I couldn't believe the pain it caused. She had to pause to tell me to stay still but it was just impossible. When she finally finished the fourth one on Thursday my bottom was swollen and bruised and can still feel it now on Sunday.

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    1. Hi Jr, and welcome! Great to have you with us.

      Wow, four in a row! I can't imagine. I have had two in a row, but only once in all the time we have been doing DD, and I would hate for even that to happen again. I can't imagine four.

      Again, welcome. If you get a chance, tell us more about how you came to be part of this lifestyle. Would love to hear the origin story.

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    2. Hopefully this won't be a long story but when Deb and I got together I used to have some bad depression days. This caused us both a lot of grief. One particular bad day she was upset. I wasn't being helpful. She said I was acting like a child. She actually said " I should just take you over my knee and give you a good paddling "! Well that didn't sound like fun. I thought about it all nite and next apologized and said I was afraid of losing her and would rather have the spanking. She smiled and said she wasn't leaving but believed the spanking would help. She said to go to our room and think about a while and she'd be in later to " discuss " it with me. A couple hours passed and she walked in. She took the bench from the vanity and moved to the middle of the room and was seated. She said things were going to change immediately. In a calm but firm tone she called me to her. She looked up and said " do you know why you're getting a spanking ? Do you deserve it "? I nodded yes. She said to get over her knee. As I layed across her lap the first time I felt nerveous , scared and a little excited. She wasn't mean or angry but started to spank me with her hand. Didn't hurt much. A few minutes later she pulled my pants done and started again. This hurt a little more but nothing serious. After about 10 minutes she stopped and said to stand up. I thought she was done. She said her hand was hurting and grabbed her brush fro the dresser. She took me over her knee again and started using the brush. Now she really had my attention ! I was squirming and jumping all over begging her to stop. Still in a calm voice she said she had to make this something I wouldn't forget and continued steadily for about 10 minutes. She finally stopped and said it was over. She asked " did you learn anything "? I caught my breath and said yes ma'am. She gave me 2 more hard swats and let me stand up. My bottom was stinging and was extremely hot ! She put the brush down , smiled and gave me a hug. She said all was forgiven and forgotten. For the first time ever , all the remorse and guilt I felt was gone and the slate wiped clean. Physically I was hurting but emotionally felt great ! She said she would do this any time she felt needed. We've said many times if other couples used this method for fixing problems there may be fewer divorces ? Since that nite she's corrected matters many times. We're totally happy and found that spanking has brought us incredibly close together.... I hope this wasn't too boring. Thanks for the warm welcome.

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    3. Not the least bit boring. Quite the opposite. It's a great story and great that things have worked out so well for you both. Thanks again for contributing to the discussion!

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  12. Dan, in response to your rational, young v.s. old, I think the young ones look at wealth which usually considers education and earning power. So to that extent they are looking for wealth and security and strength of success. But, since more than 50% get divorced these days I think they jump into marriage without much thinking, probably more influenced by sex. Then again, in my mind, most of the youngsters, both male
    and female, have been spoiled to the extent they think more about themselves than their spouses.

    Fred

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    1. Fred, I cant' argue with the spoiled part. In terms of being influenced by sex, given the freedom to sleep around as compared to prior generations, I'm guessing they are less prone to jump into marriage just to get sex than was the case with prior generations.

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  13. We have a rubber strap from cane-iac. I hate it because it is pure pain with no numbing. It is turning into the go to implement as it transmits the least to my wife and the most to me. On the other hand, sometimes Anne wants maximum damage to my bottom so she uses our large wooden paddle. I may end up numb, but if she continues the bruises make it hurt to even pull up my shorts for more than a week.

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    1. Exactly -- pure pain, no numbing. My only warning to people on cane-iac is they have one strap that is made from the same material as a belted radial tire, and they warn that it smells like one. I bought it, and the smell was truly horrible Put it in my closet and within hours everything smelled like a tire shop.

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  14. Hi Dan,

    I almost always use a leather strap. I have two, one was a gift and I bought the other.One reason I use the strap is he hates it and as far as I can tell gets no sexual turn on from it.Straps are also very easy to use for a woman ( I am petite) and carry quite a sting.They also seem natural to me. If you say spanking, I think strap. They just go together. I am however going to explore the rubber strap you talked about.It sounds like something I would not use every time but get out when I really wanted to teach a lesson
    Holly

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    1. Hi Holly. I totally get that, and I think my wife feels the same way. While she uses several implements, from the amount of time she spends with each, I think she gravitates to the strap and still likes the feel of the leather ones. But, she has observed how much worse the rubber ones are than her favorite leather. I personally agree they should be reserved for teaching a very serious lesson. Unfortunately, she doesn't quite see it that way.

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    2. Dan,
      If personal preferences are ignored, your wife's policy makes perfect sense in using the tool that gets the job done fastest and easiest. But I love leather straps, the sound they make, the way they feel in my hands and especially the look on his face when I produce it. I am going to try a rubber strap but I doubt it will ever replace leather in my home.
      Holly.

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    3. HI Holly. I totally agree. I am a leather guy in my daily life. Leather bomber jackets, computer bags, office chairs, etc. So, I totally get preferring the sound, feel, etc. And, I do think the rubber strap should be reserved for very severe lessons. My wife does not tend to modulate her spankings, though. They are all about as hard as she can give, so she gravitates to whatever is the hardest. Have fun trying the rubber. Would love to hear how it goes

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  15. i am like most men i do believe. There is an erotic sense to receiving a spanking. It is also a love/hate relationship...i love the thoughts of being disciplined, i hate the pain of a severe spanking, but i love the submissive feeling and reminder of obedience i feel for some time. My Wife has used a belt, a hair brush, and a flip flop along with Her hand. This past week i received each of these as She has reestablished our WLM. But, because i "enjoy" a spanking She has added a new implement and have found that i DO NOT find any enjoyment in this discipline. She has now added figging and has shared that i should expect such discipline and will be increasing the amount of time spent being figged.

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    1. Oh, but figging is FUN! it can also be erotic

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    2. I have read a lot about figging but never tried it.

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    3. I feel it's all in the presentation. Even the most pleasant things can become miserable if you treat it that way.

      Think:
      You're being punished, so I'm going to shove this hot root in your ass and paddle you.

      VS.

      This might burn a little, but it will feel good, and I'm going to paddle you while you have this in your bottom.

      It's not for everyone, but Shilo considers it a treat.

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    4. Merry
      That is a good way of looking at all of discipline. i have a love/hate relationship with spanking no matter what ins instrument is used. i love that She cares enough, i love the eroticness, I hate that i have not pleases my Wife, and i hate the pain. BUT i view it all a treat. Maybe i will get there with the figging.

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  16. Hey all. I believe with us just about any or our implements can be very unpleasant depending on intent, force, and most of all......pace. Fast is just horrible. However, for me, I think the thing I associate most with real punishment (since we do play at times) is being strapped into this rack we have and getting it with an Adam&Gillian's "White Lightnin' Switch". The thing is like a cross between a switch and a cane, hurts like fire, and leave cane-like welts.But since it's not a true cane, it doesn't hit with the full force of a long cane, but that just means I can get a lot more strokes with it. (Recently I got 150 strokes in one session. My but was so sore and felt like hot, ribbed plastic!)

    However, our usual paddle can be very bad if Rosa is upset. She likes the paddle too, and having me over her lap for her lectures. What I hate when she's upset is her technique of repeatedly punishing one cheek until I'm ready to jump through the wall before doing the same to the other. OH, I HATE THAT! And she knows it, and so she does it emphatically whenever she's making a point. In fact, I can tell by whether she alternates slowly or spanks in succession just how miffed or playful she is.

    Now we also have a rubber slapper. It is pretty nasty too, but it doesn't work well in the OTK position because my butt is small (cute though LOL). In that position it just wraps every time. However, it is devastating if I am on all fours and the spanker is straddling me and striking downward. Every swat bites right into the undercurve. The other thing is the slapper continues to hurt longer than the paddle....which tends to numb me after a while.

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    1. I agree about rubber hurting longer without numbing. I have no idea why, but it really does work that way. Regarding wrapping, we had that problem with a big leather prison strap and finally stopped using it because it bit too much into the side of my leg.

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  17. Dan
    Anna is very fond of the rubber slapper she discovered on line. 50 hard fast ones let me tell you can bring me to the edge. That is usually when i am sent to corner for 10 minutes and then back for 50 more. I hate the smell of the rubber but she loves the sound.
    Peter

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    1. Hi Peter. The smell of one of them I bought on-line was so bad, I threw it away after a couple of days. The ones I identified above have no similar stinkiness.

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  18. I'm a spanked husband. Though we did this later in our marriage I tended to ignore and sometimes defy my wife, so we discussed it and I agreed to be disciplined rather than continue to cause issues. I get the a hairbrush or a paddle, which I had made. Both leave me with a sore bum. The paddle by far leaves a lasting sting for a few days and it is used for correction of serious violations. When my wife uses the paddle a long lecturer or a verbal humiliation follows, which I must listen to or provide acceptable answers for when certain questions are asked. To object or resist is unwise since I agreed to this is not a good idea. This works for us.

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  19. My wife has a couple of rubber implements she got form the DWC. One is a thick rubber implement called The "Dominator". It is too heavy-duty for me. It's simply beyond my range. But she occasionally uses it on others. The other one is called the Ferule. It's more than enough bruise me up good.

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