Saturday, October 17, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 109 - What is "Punishment"?

Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly discusssion group for those practicing or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.

So, have you noticed that the name of this blog seems increasingly like a misnomer?  What began as a small group of like-minded men has really opened up lately, with a substantial jump in the number of Disciplinary Wives participating actively in the conversation.  It is a great trend, and we welcome them all.

Last week, one our anonymous commenters raised an interesting question that merits a full topic. We often talk about the differences between erotic spankings, maintenance spankings, and punishment spankings. But, I don't think we've ever really discussed what a punishment spanking consists of for each of you.  I'm sure that this varies tremendously from couple to couple as a result of all sorts of factors, including natural pain tolerance, experience and comfort level with delivering a truly hard spanking, and a host of other factors.  So, let's talk about what a punishment spanking really consists of for you.

I will kick this one off.  My wife does not do non-punishment spankings, so they are all very hard.  Typically, she will use somewhere between three and five implements, including a leather strap, a wooden "fraternity"-style paddle, a bath brush, a "loopy johnny" and, more recently, one or more really brutal rubber straps.  The number of swats varies, but usually no fewer than 30 per implement, and often double that.  When it is over, my bottom is swollen and red, with prominent bruising.  While that has been the condition of my bottom since virtually our very first disciplinary spanking, the intensity and number of the swats have increased substantially over the years.  When we first began, sixty or seventy swats seemed terrifying.  Today, that is just a warm up.  My bottom also doesn't bruise as easily as when we first started this journey.  Early on, any session with the wooden paddle would leave large, ugly bruises.  Now, the bruises are smaller and seem to fade faster.  Regarding duration, I've never timed one of our sessions.  While they seem agonizingly long at the time, I'm sure that in reality they last 10 minutes or less from first swat to last, though the ritual of getting ready, preparing the room, laying out her tools, undressing, etc. makes the entire event last around 20 to 30 minutes.  Mine do not end in tears, no matter how long or hard the spanking. So far, I just can't let go enough to get there.  I also do have a higher than normal pain tolerance, though I think the inability to cry is more a function of emotional resistance than pain tolerance.

So, that is what a punishment spanking is for us.  How about for you? What characterizes a "punishment" spanking specifically, in terms of severity, duration, number of swats, implements, etc. Please share!

Have a great weekend.

Dan

40 comments:

  1. A "punishment" is simply what my husband (frequently) deserves - but this may be a for mere dismeanor, or for a more serious breach of household discipline, requiring different grades of chastising, from a brisk handspanking to a lengthy session with the whip, the strap, the cane or the crop... and I am, of course, the sole judge of what he needs!

    J.

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  2. I only ever get caned so we refer to it as a caning and never spanking. Always delivered in multiples of 6 strokes with most canings usually 12 strokes but more is not unusual although I can't ever recall getting more than 24 strokes in a single caning. There have been times when punishment was spread over several evenings so in all, many more than 24 strokes and very painful. They are always cold canings on the bare to make it as painful as it can be from the start but there is no messing around and it is administered quickly so that from start to finish, it takes no more than 20 minutes. I don't cry as such but a tear usually forms in the corner of my eye,especially my left eye.

    Dave

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    1. Thanks, Dave. We have not had much luck using the cane effectively, but I recently bought her a new one, so we we will igive it another try.

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  3. I suppose it truly is as simple as what some have said: it's something unpleasant imposed upon me as a consequence of behaving in a way Rosa does not appreciate. It could be anything. If it's a spanking, then (because we do also 'play' with spanking occasionally) it's a nasty, unenjoyable one given in an atmosphere of scolding or disapproval, so that the emotional and physical combine to send a clear message of correction. the details aren't really that important, and they can be different for different situations.

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    1. Hi KD. I do agree that anything unpleasant can be a punishment. What I was trying to get at with this topic--and I'm starting to suspect I may have failed--was probably more simply put as: "How intense or hard is a "punishment'" spanking as opposed to non-punishment spankings, in terms of number of swats, implements used, duratation, force, etc."

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  4. Mistress K. will occasionally just push me up against the wall and begin to spank me because she simply enjoys. But you asked about punishment spankings. When I am due for a punishment spanking, it rarely is something that gets to be administered right on the spot. Usually kids in the house or other such things prevent that from happening. We must wait until there is an opportunity because Mistress will want to be sure that the "message" has been delivered.

    My spankings hurt and like you, they have yet to bring me to tears. When a severe punishment is in order, Mistress will have me masturbate in front of her to full orgasm and then immediately administer the spanking. THOSE are the WORST kind!

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    1. We have the same issue iwth punishment spankings rarely being delivered on the spot. And, I have yet to epxerience "milking" before a spanking. Truth be told, I am scared to. It sounds awful!

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    2. Milking before hand always a good idea. Yes it hurts. Yes it's punishment. I'm still aroused however. I would not want to be messy.

      Yes aroused so to some it's not punishment. But to us it's very real. To me very painful.

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  5. Dan
    Like you Peter found it difficult to release tears. I confess it made me very angry. I felt and I think this applies to you too, this is an act of control. As long as you don't cry you are in control. A few months ago I tried a new approach. I will use either paddle, belt or a caning. I now spank until I see tears. I break up sessions of 20 minutes with an hour of corner time. Then he is back in position and taking another 20 minutes, with an hour of corner time.I am not sure if its the pain or the boredom that comes with standing in a corner with nose pressed against the wall or submission. Only the first time did this carry over into the next day. ANNA

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    1. Hi Anna. Thanks for this. As long-time readers know, I am fascinated by the topic of tears. I too see my lack of crying as a form of control or, more precisely, as an inability to give up that last vestige of control. It's not as if I don't want to. In fact, that desire to breakdwon in tears is probably what brought me to DD in the first place. When I first found the DWC website, it was the stories involving real tears, to the point of real heaving sobs, that attracted and scared the living hell out of me, in equal measure. And, it is something I really wish I could do. I've gotten close a couple of times recently, but I just haven't been able to let go. Your solution is very intriguing, though It is hard for us to find even 20 minutes alone, let alone a few hours for multiple sessions and long breaks between.

      Your reaction to his lack of tears -- getting angry -- is also not quite where my wife appears to be. There are times she share the goal of reducing me to real tears, but I think she is also a little scared of what her own reaction to those tears might be. Like, would she feel some guilt about taking me to that point? I keep assuring her that I would really like for her to take me to it, but i understand her qualms.

      Thanks so much for sharing this.

      Dan

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  6. In my mind a punishment spanking is one where I know it is for punishment, it starts fast and furious from start to finish, stings and burns, and lasts well beyond the point I feel I can't take any more. The instrument my wife uses is a solid cherry word paddle. I am positioned lying prone over the bed with pillows propping up my backside giving her not only an easy target, but gives her more power in delivering the stroke rapid fire. I don't have time to count they come so fast, but I would guess she can easily deliver 100 swats in 60 seconds. She concentrates on smacking the lower regions of my bottom, but not my thighs (we agreed entering into DD that my buttocks was the only area to be struck). In her mind a misdemeanor offence should last about a minute. Based on my threshold of pain tolerance this is indeed punishment for me. However, if my wife believes my offence is a serious violation or a repeat violation of a misdemeanor that occurred again within six months or less it turns into a punishment I not only won't forget, but will want to avoid at all costs. In that case I assume the same position, the spanking is fast and furious from the start (never a warm up in any punishment spanking I get) and will continue for about three minutes with a few seconds break between volleys. From my mindset it seems like this paddling will never end, but my backside usually goes numb at some point, and I just lay there and take it until it stops. In both cases, misdemeanors or serious infractions I have a dark red backside and bruises. A serious spanking leaves me with a severely bruised behind that makes sitting difficult for at least the next 24 hours and I can still feel the results of that paddling for several more days. What make my wife's paddling's so difficult to take is the force and frequency of the swats that come so fast I have no rime to recover' When we started DD my wife used her seniority paddle on my behind as I bent over the back of our bedroom couch. I got anywhere from 20 to 50 swats with that paddle and each swat was extremely painful, but before delivering the next swat she gave me time to recover and it was definitely punishment, but not nearly as effective as how she is handling my punishment today with her favorite cherry wood paddle. . It would take 5 to 10 minutes to finish the punishment with her sorority paddle.

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    1. Hi Anonymous. Thanks for the contribution. The effects of my disciplinary spankings are similar to yours, and much (but not all) is administered with a fraternity/sorority style paddle. The heavy wooden instruments are very hard to take thouhg, like you, my botto goes number if there is not some pause between sets of swats.

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  7. My wife spanks me at different levels depending on the problem. Like most everyone here we have a wide variety of " utensils " she likes to use. If it's truly a serious offense she pulls her long brown hair back and ties it off. It's her signal and to get prepared. The paddle she uses is about 12 inches long 3/4" thick made if oak. With the weight of the paddle and strength of her arm I'm squirming almost out of control across her lap.

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    1. That's a great and unique signal. Thanks for sharing

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  8. I am only ever punished and it hurts like hell. Im told to get my pyjamas on straight after dinner and wait in our bedroom. I get it over the end of the bed with my pyjamas down and yes Ive been known to cry a lot. 6 very real cane strokes is more than enough forme let alone the scolding she gives me.Then to an early bedtime and Ionly to happy do as Im told. No hugs or kisses, just a very sore bottom, tear filled eyes and straight to bed. Punishment pure and simple hard and I love her all the more for it...........

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. Lots of caning on the Forum these days.

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  9. Lot of difference between punishment and maintenance spanking in our household:

    On a basic level: Number of strokes: Maintenance - never more than 20; Punishment - begins at 50 and is more typically double that.

    Implement: Maintenance - Hand only, over the knee. Punishment - flogger and cane judiciously mixed, with me either on all fours or tied over a tall stool

    Duration and severity: Maintenance - Normally no longer than a couple of minutes, hard enough to hurt but lightened by some affection and concluded by a ruffle of my hair. Punishment - Often, around 20 minutes, resulting in pain that despite my best efforts, makes me break down in tears eventually. The evidence of those tears is required by my wife to consider stopping. The atmosphere is invariably cold and businesslike. No unnecessary words from my wife, who is always fully dressed on these occasions.

    The idea is always to separate punishment as guidance from punishment designed to prevent any repetition of the offence.It works, is all I can say.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. The distinction between guidance and punishment is helpful.

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  10. We have usually two types of spankings. The most common are punishment spankings were I am restrained and spanked with a variety of implements. That is probably 100-150 strokes. I I usually cry to some extent, and most often she says that she I deserved more. The other spankings are usually quick for little things that might be borderline to her, where I get maybe 5-10 with the paddle just to get my attention. Kind of a warning shot. --Easy

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  11. I only receive punishment spankings and they are the result of severe misbehavior on my part. They are always administered with me naked and my wife decides what implement she will utilize. Sometimes she will start with the wooden paddle and then finish with the leather belt. She only finishes when I am sobbing in tears and my bottom is blistered.

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  12. Hi Dan,

    It's been a while since I've been online. No real reason apart from being busy with work etc. Good to be back.

    In our house real punishment is a wholly unpleasant thing that I'm subjected to if I do something that either breaks our rules or upsets Mistress. It means a good dose of the cane and the minimum number of strokes is 36. There is no warm-up, we use a Dragon cane (denser material than the normal school cane) and all the strokes are hard, though I'd say I'm not sure Mistress administers them all with the kind of full force I know and fear she is capable of.

    She does however cane quite fast so there's no time to recover from each stroke. I'm quite vocal during a punishment session (often begging for it to stop) and often am whimpering while my eyes or full of tears.

    Like you I've not actually been caned to tears yet, though I've been close to weeping several times. From what I've read, tears are not so much to do with pain of a thrashing but the emotional effect of punishment and I've noticed my worse whimpering, where I'm right on the verge of crying, is when my punishment is for a significant upsetting moment I've caused.

    Perhaps on those occasions the punishment is more severe or perhaps I'm making more connection with my faults and my correction, and feeling real contrition. I confess to not full understanding the psychology of corporal punishment.

    When I have been whimpering, my bottom lip trembling and tears in my eyes immediately after punishment - and I'm fighting to control myself from crying, I think both Mistress and I are both hugely embarrassed by the situation. She always tells me to pull myself together and I respond, unable to let go in that moment.

    I think a little hug and a gentle verbal reminder from her why I've just been caned at that point might tip me over the edge but I suppose I'll never know.

    Getting back to your original question of what constitutes punishment, Mistress and I both acknowledge that once you have both agreed to adopt corporal punishment as a way to maintain discipline in the home, any punishment for real faults had to be a wholly unpleasant and very painful experience for the wrongdoer if it is to have any real corrective effect. Anything less I would term as spanking games. There's nothing wrong with that of course, but I think if anyone intends to inflict punishment on their partner, then it has to be with a degree of severity.

    Regards

    gk

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    1. Hi GK. I was wondering where you disappered to. Good to have you back.

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  13. Dear Dan, This is Jan. I have a sure fire way to make the tears come on. just put him over your knee and spank him in front of witnesses. A dose of petticoat punishment never hurts and just makes him more submissive and he bawls like a teenager who was long overdue.

    P.S Halloween is coming and he knows he will have to get dressed up in female attire for the party. Every year there are more wives making there husbands dress up. One or two girls always bring a paddle or whip. Good for the guys the never been used yet, Jan

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    1. Hi Jan. Interesting approach. I would think that being in front of witnesses wouuld make it even harder for me to cry. It is hard enough f(too hard, in fact) for me to cry in front of her. In front of witnesses?? I would be too mortified to add to it by crying!

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  14. In our house all spanking is punishment although it can be harder or longer depending on the misdemeanour… Spanking is always linked to a specific ‘crime’ - (lack of ) respect, the No 1 failing or poor attitude or moodiness. It almost never happens when she is angry but some hours or days later. She seems happy to keep me in suspense and enjoys my immediately improved behaviours/attitude in the lead up to punishment as I vainly try to escape the inevitable.

    Because whilst I love that we have the DD type relationship, my fantasies around it, the ‘before’ and the ‘after’, being controlled by someone much weaker than me – I really do not like the actual event (understatement!). The ritual is well understood by both of us. She will announce that we will ‘be going upstairs’ in a tone that I know and which starts the nervousness. She may send me up to ‘get ready’ – which means removing my trousers, underwear, shoes and piling pillows on the bed – after I get out the paddles & strap – and get in position.

    She will normally lecture/scold and ask for my explanation. She will start with the oval wooden paddle (so well used that the varnish is coming off!). No warm up these days as she has worked out that it lessens the impact and then on and on up & down whilst (as she says) she paints my cheeks all over, a very bright red and then dark red, usually finishing with some vigorous strapping. I am always right on the edge by the time she stops, begging and agreeing to anything and I love the calmness that starts when she rubs the cream in after. But often she will repeat the process 2 or 3 days later ‘to ensure that I really get the message’ – which I DO as I will still be quite tender from the first correction…
    TB

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    1. Hi TB. Those rituals sound very much like our pre-spanking routine, including me trying in vain to escape the inevitable.

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  15. I think I've said before, all spankings are punishment. Usually this means a bare bottomed spanking that results in tears 75%of the time. When I repeat an offense I will receive multiple spankings to tears.

    This last week we had a situation where I earned multiple spankings for an offense, but my wife was out of town. Sometimes with her on the phone and sometimes alone I was required to spank myself every day. Especially with her listening it was truly hard. As I described pulling down my pants I was nearly in tears. That was punishment.

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    1. Hi Fred,

      Could you get enough of a swing going spanking yourself to make it really hurt?

      Dan

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    2. Surprisingly yes. I had bruises and broken blisters. It got worse as the week went on.

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  16. Regular scheduled maintenance spankings is something we tried for a while and then discarded the practice. I can absolutely see why it is valuable for many couples and I applaud them.

    For us though it felt like a ritual without the juice of real discipline. And she doesn't need a formal "maintenance program" if she simply senses a spanking would help my overall well-being (or hers). Maybe that's our version of "maintenance" hmmm.

    Someone wrote that in their home they have a differentiation between "Guidance" and "Punishment". I never thought of it that way. Thank You! It has given me a new way to look at things. I'll be keeping that in the back of my mind as life moves forward and I ponder the subtleties of her motivations for giving me a sore bottom.

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  17. When it comes to imposing real punishment thru spanking my wife now makes sure that when one of these sessions is over, I suffer the effects for a number of days. This change came about after a discussion between us as to why after she administers a spanking as a result of my "failures" I only seem to improve for a couple of days. She felt that even "punishment" spankings were just pandering to my kink. I was honest with her and explained that her so call "punishment" sessions were really not that effective as there were just too lite and if she was looking for long term improvement or attitude change, it had to be administered hard and long enough to where it hurt so bad I didn't want to face another similar type session. In other words, there had to be an element of fear put into me after it was over..

    Since I am usually fully restrained, face down on our bed there is plenty of time for her, as there is no way I can get away until she feels she has done enough. Upon raising these spankings to a higher lever she had to over come her natural inclination to stop when she could tell that I was really desperate when pleading, then begging for her mercy.

    After enduring one of these sessions, there always is a significant change in attitude for quite some time. I become highly modivated to do as I am instructed, without question. As a result of this change, punishment spankings have diminished significantly over the past few years. We still enjoy her administrating erotic spankings, but I have learned to avoid upsetting or disappointing her in case she feels the need to be more severe. She is a happier wife now

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    1. Hi Anonymous. It's great that you had some frank communications and that she took things from there.

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  18. i think the main things to a "punishment" spanking are that my Wife ups the intensity and displays emotion. She will toss me on the bed, grab the paddle, and (often) throw me over her knees. She will hit alot faster and harder than usual! From Her actions and demeanor, and often direct comments, i can tell She is emotional about things. This is not a "maintenance" spanking (which frankly i'd of course prefer, but She finds too hard to schedule). sara e (cross dressed hubby)

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  19. I have had some really hard spankings, but so far none that have been for pure punishment. I think that is going to change over this summer. My wife is a teacher so she has the summer off. My wife informed me she is going to use this time to "whip" me into shape. I have always craved punishment spankings from a very strict woman, however I am very scared of the agony I will have to go through. Spanking hurt!!!

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    1. Hi David. Good luck to you both. Seems like it will be an eventful summer!

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