Saturday, September 19, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 105 - Grounding and Alternative Punishments

Hi all.  Welcome back to our weekly forum on domestic discipline and female led relationships.

Last week's conversation on how often we are punished seemed to spark a good amount of interest.  This week, let's talk about how, not how often.  This blog obviously focuses a lot on corporal punishment.  But, that is hardly the only form of punishment available to wives who want to see real, positive behavioral change.  So, this week's topic is, what role do alternative punishments play in your relationship  DD or FLR relationship?

We have talked about this topic before, but it's been on my mind recently because we have been experimenting with "grounding."  The punishment is much like what one would impose on a misbehaving teenager.  Basically, restricting my freedom as punishment for abusing the freedom I usually enjoy.  For example, if I drink too much with the guys at a Friday happy hour, and I find myself grounded, i.e. prohibited from drinking at all for a week.  It has been very effective so far, largely because it serves not only as punishment but as a preventative, sort of like the preventative spankings a few of our forum members have talked about.  It also is a form of punishment that is a little harder to hide from others.  A bruised bottom can be easily hidden from view. But, declining to partake in some activity because you've been ordered not to do it -- that is inherently harder to cover up. 

Do you have similar alternative disciplinary practices? Grounding?  Loss of privileges?  Additional household chores?  Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Dan

43 comments:



  1. Dan

    This week's topic is very timely in our house. In fact this entry by me is part of my
    discipline for messing up big time yesterday. As Anna mentioned last week she and
    I have our friday nites alone. Usually Anna brings the boys to her folks and the boys
    spend the nite with my inlaws.
    Yesterday Anna had a dentist appointment late on friday afternoon and asked me
    to take off early and pick up the boys after school. She packed their bags and junk
    and even put it in my car yesterday morning so all I had to do was show up at 4pm, pick up the boys and bring them to the inlaws.
    At 4:30 i get a call from Anna. I had lost track of time and forgotten the boys. The
    principal of the school was waiting with them. I did get there by 5 and the boys were
    at the inlaws by 6. Needless to say Anna was beyond pissed. I rushed home and no
    Anna she went to her folks place and spent the nite.
    This morning she woke me at 6 am and I spent the day doing all the thing i hate most.
    Farmers market, waxing the floors in the bedrooms, doing three loads of laundry and
    all the time wishing for a good caning instead of this. Instead this afternoon I cleaned
    out my mess in the garage and took two trips to the dump.
    Anna came in ah hour ago and told me the boys will be at her folks till I go pick them up and that I can then go to church with the boys and her folks. Tonite while Anna watches the Hallmark movie channel I will be standing in the corner of the den with
    my nose against the wall without speaking. I am hoping that by tomorrow we can go back to normal. I think the hardest part is all I can think about is if only she would take it out on my bare bottom. The hardest part is I know there isn't a chance in hell.

    peter

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    1. I'm laughing my ass off, only because I have so been there brother. Literally including forgetting to pick up kids from school. Life just gets busy!

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    2. I feel for you Peter. Sometimes it just feels better to get spanked and go back to "normal" instead of having that uncomfortable feeling knowing you messed up. Still, I agree that Anna was right, because you'll remember this longer.

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  2. Dan,
    We do the same thing here. I get caned as needed complete with nipple clamps and restraints. Her other punishment is to take away TV from me when she can not do the corporal punishment or does not care to do it at that moment. I will be told on Sunday that I'm not allowed to watch ANY TV until further notice. It's hard when your kids are over and you're cleaning the china while they watch TV and they keep asking you to sit down and watch something with them. I love sports and she will not allow me to watch any until she feels I've learned my lesson.
    The longest without watching any TV was a week. I sure got a lot of my deep cleaning done!
    Like the others I would gladly take a dozen cane strokes and just get it over with!!
    I sure do love our WLM though.

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  3. Taking away a husband's television time is an effective punishment. This is especially true during football season. However, this punishment should go hand in hand with computer privileges. When there is no television there should be no computer. Kathy

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    1. Agreed! They can watch sports on the computer too, so the punishment is otherwise ineffective. Thank goodness Shilo isn't into pro football or soccer, or baseball or basketball etc.

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    2. I agree with all of you. She has never cut me off from television. That would hurt. Being cut off from the computer would be a living hell.!

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    3. My ears were burning, so I had to pop in and see what was being said about me.
      Notice that Merry did not mention "college football" as something I do not watch, because she knows I DO watch it (when my team is having a good season).

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    4. One OU football game a week isn't all that annoying.

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    5. And not all the OU games are televised hereabouts!

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    6. This is a common punishment for me, i have been banned from watching football this season for "repetitive bad behavior" every week on saturday and sunday when my teams are playing i spend in the corner or doing extra choirs. She also takes my phone away so i cant cheat and check how they are doing.

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  4. The only alternative here is corner time as a warning. She does shame me sometimes by mentioning to her sister that she had to spank me but her sister know what goes on in our home already. My wife does use other methods than spanking to punish me but with the exception of corner time as a warning , they are all done in conjunction with spanking. There is a history here I won't go into but basically spanking is just faster and more effective than anything else we tried.
    Alan

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  5. Dan
    Although I am a faithful reader of your weekly blog, I havent contributed since last year. Currently my in laws are
    staying with us while their home is being redone. They have been here 3 weeks and their contractor told us last friday it will be five more weeks. My wife, unable to spank has come up with a very intense punishment.
    She is an excellent clothing designer and as a substitute for corporal punishment she made be a pair of shorts.For now my punishment I have to wear these shorts under my jeans or slacks. The catch is she cut up an old Harris Tweed jacket of mine, that i never wore cause it is so scratchy. I have to put them on instead of briefs or boxers and then wear my jeans or slacks over them.
    Because I rolled my eyes when my MIL told us of the delay I had to go up and change into the shorts then put on my jeans over them. To say they itch is an understatement. It will be 48 hours by the time i get home from work. My bottom is a huge rash. Ah, to feel the sting of a brush.

    Scott

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    1. Hi Scott. That sounds truly awful! Thanks for sharing.

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  6. Any alternative punishments we use are, as in Alan's case above, done in conjunction with spanking - not in lieu of. These might include corner time, mouth soaping, an enema, strapon session, etc. She had never really embraced the idea of grounding, restriction of privileges, extra chores, etc - preferring to administer the punishment and have it done and over with - and the air cleared. That is not to say that these methods might not be effective (and with me, as well) - it is just not our way, although we both can understand how it might be just the thing for other couples. --al

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    1. Hi Al. Different strokes for different folks. So to speak!

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  7. Climax denial is sometimes used at our house as additional discipline. If we are already into an extended session of denial an extra week may be tacked on for an indiscretion.

    Additional teasing then follows which only adds to that feeling of desire to be released.

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    1. Hi iruser. That sounds like it could be very effective. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. Hi Dan,
    This conversation is interesting because I have never though about punishing him any other way. But my strap is always so close ( at home) and I have no trouble making him submit.Why would I use anything else if spanking works and it is so fast and final? Maybe I am missing something and some couples want an intermediate punishment but I am a big advocate of the old saying you shouldn't fix something that's not broken.I am just going to listen and maybe I will learn something.
    Holly

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    1. Hi Holly. I absolutely agree with, "If it ain't broken, don't fix it." For us, it was that for some behaviors, spanking really wasn't working very well. I would screw up. She would punish. Then I would do it again a few weeks later. So, for us the grounding isn't an "intermediate" punishment. It is, in some ways, a harsher punishment, because it lasts longer and is ongoing. And, as with Al, it's not so much an "alternative" as an "extra." I still get the spanking -- the grounding is extra.

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    2. I get that. The word alternative was confusing me because it suggests substituting spanking for a different punishment. Al and some others have talked about reinforcement or as you put it "extra" punishments and I am reading about those and plan to experiment. Dressing him in a pair of my panties and maybe a public display after he is strapped appeal to me and he doesn't like either idea.
      Holly

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  9. Hi, My wife liikes to frequently add add extra punisments to the normal caning or strapping, she gives me ! She finds this idea fits into her desire to help her Mum,, by sending me to do chores for her, especially in her garden ! Her Mum is also allowed to punish me if I do not do the chore to her satisfaction She keeps a cane for me and makes me change into flimsy shorts-no underpants and canes me as I bend over a chair ! She really loves to make it really hurt ! When I get home, my wife then gives me her caning or the strap after she reads her Mums report on my work! I feel a little embarrassed when her Mum canes me but also I experience some excitement and anticipation . My wife has been discussing with her and me allowing her Mum to be able to order me to lower my shorts enough to bare my buttocks for the cane! She has seen me caned on my bare bum by my wife! I think it will happen in future

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    1. Hi Anonymous. Sounds like a good means of killing two birds with one stone.

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  10. Hello
    I have used a strap - on several times as an alternative punishment and I will probably use it again as necessary . I first got the idea from Elise Sutton's blog during a period Jay was having some serious attitude issues. She is over the top on much of her female superiority themes, but she is right about the strap - on. It is very effective in inducing obedience and submission and the effects are long lasting.The problem with the strap - on for discipline is the time a session takes. If I need to I can administer a sound spanking in ten minutes or less. But punishing him with a strap - on takes an hour or more. Hygiene requires preparing and administering at least one enema which is time consuming.Actually penetrating a man not used to it takes even more time as does making sure he is getting the message I am sending. Also Jay at least needs much longer after care when receiving a strap - on compared to a spanking. I don't see the strap - on ever replacing a good spanking but when I need to get his attention it really does work. It also is something that can be used with family or friends in the house.A wife that is looking for an alternative to spanking might try it keeping in mind the time issues. If you have the time it can be a good option.
    Marisa

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    1. As I briefly mentioned in my above post (and in previous posts), my wife also utilizes a strap-on from time to time following a spanking. As a husband who has received strap-on discipline a good number of times over the last ten years, I can very much personally attest to Marissa's conclusion that is a very effective method of inducing submission, obedience, and humility. --al

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    2. Also, I will mention that my wife was also heavily influenced by the Elise Sutton site in her decision to try strap-on discipline - as well as a few other sexually dominant practices that she employs from time to time. We discovered the site not too long after we began our DD lifestyle and she did adopt a few of the ideas she encountered there. However, she also found a lot of the ideas there to be a bit extreme. And some of the practices that work well for many are just not to our liking as a couple (panties, enforced chastity, orgasm denial, bondage, etc). --al

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    3. Hi Marisa. Thanks for sharing that alternative. I haven't had a topic about strap-ons, but maybe I should. I've never really thought of it being a punishment, but it sounds like for you and Jay it serves that function

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    4. A strap on while being extremely arousing as a concept, it truly is a role reversal exchange of power, is uncomfortable to say the least and is most definitely a punishment in my eyes.

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  11. Dan
    I would love to hear an honest appraisal from the men about strap on as a punishment. Is it a punishment?
    Although I have never indulged in this with Peter, in college I did have a lover who was into strap on play. I do recall that his behavior after was always seemed minus all that swagger I believe men call it that so often passes for being a man.

    Anna

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    1. Anna,
      I have received the strap on from two different women including my wife. The girlfriend who used it first introduced it as stand alone discipline aimed at attitude adjustment or getting my ego under control. There is something very powerful about a woman taking control of your bottom that way and it does as others have said make you submissive and obedient. She always emphasized during a session my ass belonged to her and she was reminding me of that .But I thought of it more as discipline enforcing her standards rather than punishment as a spanking is. There is very little real pain in getting it if you relax and submit to it and that I think is the point . But the effects on mind and emotions are large if a woman uses it as a teaching moment as she did. My beautiful wife also use the strap on with some frequency after a spanking ( not always by any means) . That I experience more as punishment maybe because it follows a spanking and maybe because she is a bit rougher than my girlfriend was. Or maybe because I know she is consciously trying to reinforce the spanking rather than adjust my attitude. In all honesty I think my girlfriends methods worked better as discipline making me very eager to please her when it was over
      Alan.

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    2. My thoughts are similar to those of Alan's in the above post. As was pointed out, if done correctly (plenty of lube and care with the initial insertion), it is not truly painful if you relax and submit. However, I still find it physically uncomfortable - and my wife wants it that way. She doesn't want to cause any internal damage but she doesn't want me to physically enjoy it either - and obviously there are many men and women who do enjoy being on the bottom end of anal sex. So she uses a fairly large dildo and can become quite forceful at times - as she wants the point to be clearly understood. The strap-on is always used after a spanking to reinforce the disciplinary message, and she has used the strap-on after both punishment spankings and maintenance spankings - it just depends on when she feels the need to send that particular message. For me, it is definitely an effective disciplinary tool as the session is physically uncomfortable and the psychological effects are quite profound in promoting obedience, submission, and humility. -al

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  12. Hi Dan, I refer to my post of sept.23 and your reply same day. Well the very next morning my wife told me she had agreed that her Mum could cane me on my bare bottom! It was subject to my lying face down on her Mums kitchen table and up to six strokes only! My wife made it clear I had to go!,( or else!), Some old friends of her Mum were over for the World Rugby Championship and were coming to see her! Well I went, very reluctantly, and my attitude reflected my feelings ! Over my coffee break she told me off for it and how upsetting my attitude was for her ! I was there all morning,but just before I was about to leave she said 'You know what you deserve!' After an argument she told me she had spoken to my wife! . Enough said ,end of argument! I lay across the table top and loosened my trousers for her to pull them down ,my underpants followed ! She gave me six really stinging strokes across my lower bare buttocks ,after a few warm up slaps ! I had to ly there for 15 minutes afterwards ,collecting several slaps for trying to rub my stinging bum ! I left red faced after apologising ,and carrrying her report for my wife ! As I drove home I felt I had in fact rather enjoyed my caning,rather than resenting it! M

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  13. I have been mulling over the topic of "alternative punishments" since you started it last week. Like most of the other respondents, spanking is by far the usual consequence around here. But on rare occasions she imposes an "alternative punishment." What I have come to realize, thanks to your topic question, is that they are, in many ways worse.

    For some reason, being sent to bed, forbidden television, and things like that are SO frustrating that it's almost unendurable. It actually makes me feel even more helpless than submitting to a spanking. When it happens I feel really angry inside; deeply frustrated. But expressing that is not an option. So I have to do what I am told.

    Technically speaking, around here "alternative" is not usually the right word. For us the more accurate word would be "additional".

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    1. Hi Tomy. Your distinction between "alternative" and "addtional" is well taken. It applies to my relationship as well.

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  14. Tomy's comments above about alternative punishments like being sent to bed early, no TV, etc seem right on the mark to me in terms of how negatively one can feel being punished that way in an adult relationship. I quote part of what he says : "When it happens I feel really angry inside; deeply frustrated. But expressing that is not an option" To me this is not healthy, not effective discipline, and likely to worsen a relationship if repeatedly used. That is why I and at least some others favor a spanking to punish, not because we like them but because they clear the air immediately, leave no lingering anger or frustration and for us at least opens up the communication dramatically
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. The issue I see, though, is why would the reaction to alternative punishments really be distinguishable from the reaction to something like having a spanking imposed when you don't feel your behavior was deserving of one. It seems like the resentment is coming not from any real difference in the the disciplinary acts themselves, but from their efficacy as punishment. In other words, we resent the alternative punishment precisely because they are "worse," i.e. more effective.

      I'm not saying that everyone should use such "alternatives" or "additions," but I will say that since we have started exploring them, my behavior HAS improved in ways that really weren't happening under our regime of sporadic spankings. As an example, last night the office mates decided to kill of a long week with a quick happy hour drink. The wait service turned out to be incredibly slow, and the clock was ticking such that I was going to late for an early dinner with some of my wife's familly. A few months ago, in all likelihood I would have at least finished the drink, kept talking with my colleagues, and made it dinner 30 minutes or more late. This time, I just paid for my undelivered drink and left. I really don't think that would have happened if the only consequence I would have suffered for my tardiness was a spanking.

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    2. Dan,
      Well expressed thoughts and none I disagree with. But I think that your experience reflects the fact that spanking alone or the threat of it doesn't always modify your behavior to the extent you and your wife expect. Fair enough. But it does modify my behavior dramatically and it always has. This is really an illustration of different strokes for different folks and every DD needs to find the right mix of motivation and punishment that works. Let me come at this a slightly different way. I have looked at a number of F/M videos on Spanking Tube that are similar to what I get at home . (Several from a fellow that goes by name of Wdspoon are typical of my serious spankings.) I believe these are real punishments for him but the difference is he lies over her knee occasionally moaning but staying in place, no begging, promising, screaming etc.His disciplinarian doesn't usually leg lock him. That sure isn't me. A spanking is an out of control event in which I will do anything for it to stop and try to do anything to not earn another ( the happy hour you allude to would see me running for home if I knew I would be spanked for being late.) I just don’t need the threat of additional punishment to motivate me and if as Tomy suggests it creates negative feelings why do it. For you and probably many others I understand. But for men highly sensitive to being spanked that’s all that’s needed. For us, less is definitely more
      Alan

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    3. Alan, I agree, particularly with the "different strokes." And, for us, it doesn't come down to seriousness of the spankings. Most of hers leave me bruised for several days. I think for me it is that the spankings are an isolated event, and also somewhat inconsistently applied. Something like being grounded for a week, however, with that I not only have to deal with the restrictions on my behavior but I may have to explain to others why I am not drinking that day or can't join in some other activity. And, it can be applied immediately. So, again, I think every couple has to figure out for themselves to things: First, what exactly is it that they are trying to accomplish? Second, what punishments are most effective in bring about that goal?

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  15. I'm moved to comment about Alan's view on my comment . Is this a meta, meta comment :)

    Simple point of clarification: I agree that a relationship filled with withheld feelings is a recipe for disaster. But I also think there are times one should "endure with dignity". My description of feeling resentful was what it's like at that time of the alternative punishment; not of the nature of our relationship. We know one another extremely well; after all she's my best friend.

    If anything, frustration and resentment are supposed to be there. They fuel the power of the whole experience. But if I start whining and complaining; unnecessarily "sharing" my feelings at that time, all it does it make her uncomfortable.

    That's all I have to say about it.

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  16. I'd like to add a comment about why a non-spanking punishment is more effective: Because it forces the man (my husband, in this case!) ) to discipline HIMSELF. Maybe the wife isn't even home to supervise him--but he has to continue disciplining himself...--It might be to explain to his friends why he can't join them for a quick drink, Or stop himself from turning on the TV. Or stop himself from removing uncomfortable clothing which she has given him to wear. If all these examples, the man must work hard--on his own SELF-control, and not just submit to HER control. And he must keep working at it-- exherting lots of mental energy for a long,long time. Maybe several days...not just the 15 minutes of a spanking. So naturally, a punishment that extends for days or weeks will be more difficult for him than a punishment that lasts 15 minutes.(And even if the 15 minutes of spanking is hard enough that the redness lasts for a week, and the pain lasts for a day or so....it is a different kind of pain, which fades away , decreasing every day....This is the exact opposite of the type of pain and discomfort he feels for a week of grounding...where the pain increases every day.

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    1. Hi Anonymous. Really great point. Thanks for sharing!

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  17. For us, I would say it is the spanking that is the additional punishment. My wife tries to find a primary punishment that fits the offense. For example, if I am late doing my assigned chores or do them poorly, then additional chores are assigned. After those additional chores, and the originals, are completed, my bottom is bared, my ass is reddened, and all is forgiven. A couple weekends ago, my wife felt that I ignored her by watching college football all weekend. She informed me that I would be making up for that by accompanying her while she shops for clothes which would take place on Saturday afternoon. Although I hate clothes shopping, I sat patiently as she tried on outfits, helped her browse for accessories, and carried all of the bags. When we got home, she put on one of the outfits and then took me over her knee. When my bottom was good and red, we had great sex. Sunday morning, I checked scores on the internet.

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