Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 104 - Spanking Frequency

Hello all. Welcome back to the Forum -- our interactive discussion of topics that are, hopefully, interesting, fun and important to those in domestic discipline and FLR relationships, and those who would like to be.

I hope you had a nice, short work week.  Thanks to those who kept the conversation going a bit while I was being lazy.

A few weeks ago, when I was bemoaning a lack of inspiration on new topics, a really obvious one occurrred to me.  Kind of right there under my nose was a simple one that I don't think we have really touched on during the entire history of this blog: How often are you spanked?  So, I posted a poll, and here is what the readers have to say about it:

5 or less
            26 (23%)
Between 5 and 10
            11 (9%)
Between 10 and 20
            29 (26%)
More than 20
            45 (40%)

We seem to have a misbehaving readership.  Almost half of the respondents spanked more than 20 times a year!  Of course, what I probably should have asked is, how often do you receive disciplinary or punishment spankings.  Unfortunately, I never think of those kinds of nuances until after I launch the poll. 

So, tell us about the frequency of your spankings, particularly the disciplinary and punishment variety. How often is your spouse called upon to blister your bottom thoroughly for some offense?  If you are the disciplinary spouse, how often do you feel the need to deliver that unmistakable message of disapproval?  Has the frequency changed over time?

I put my wife and I in the "between 10 and 20" tranche, but it is really at the low end of that spectrum.  Unfortunately, not so much because I don't deserve it more often, but because a signficant amount of bad behavior goes unpunished because of all of those "real life"interferences.  That may, of course, change over time.  I suspect that one reason our readership seems to tilt so heavily toward the over-50 crowd is they have entered a time in life where some social and family impediments to the DD lifestyle start to diminish.  Another factor tilting my own experience toward the lower part of the range is we don't do maintenance or erotic spankings.  Again, my bad for not defining terms in a way that might have resulted in a more apples-to-apples comparison.

Have a great week.

Dan



51 comments:

  1. I'm going to read the replies with great interest.

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    1. Hi Merry - hope you are enjoying the replies. So tell us, how often does Shilo get spanked? (outside the hiatus due to the health issues - and glad to hear he is improving!) --al

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    2. Hello Al!
      Right now? A few times a week, mostly maintenance. He tends to be "good"

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  2. Hi, I get spanked by my loving wife anywhere between 5 and 20 times a year, most of them are fun or sexy spankings but about 6 to 8 are real bumburners.
    Most of the spankings are either hand or hairbrush or a combination of both, but the 6 to 8 are hairbrush only.
    It took me a very long time to even getting my wife to consider spanking me and even longer to get her to actually do it.
    But now she enjoys giving it as much as I love receiving.
    Now one spanking that is etched into my mind was the one where she definitely showed me how she had progressed.
    It was on my 60th Birthday and I was over her knee for my b/d spanking in just my underpants and she started spanking me with her hand and laughing as she went on, after the set amount and the one to grow on, she chuckled and said " Oh silly me, Birthday spankings are supposed to be on the bare aren't they? Well we shall have to get these pants down and start again." And with another laugh she bared me.
    So she gave me another 60 plus 1 and said, "That's better, fancy some more darling?" Again with a chuckle.
    What have you in mind Sweetheart? I asked with a grin, as I was enjoying it and was getting hard you know where.
    " I was thinking of the next batch with the hairbrush but not too hard as I take care of your little friend who has grown some with my other hand as I spank." She giggled.
    I was definitely up for that and told her to go ahead.
    Well she did as she said and as the brush rose and fell, her other hand was bringing me to the boil down below.
    I errupted just as she landed the last spank, and with a laugh she asked me if I had enjoyed that, of course being in a state of euphoria I told her yes and thanked her.
    As I was still in a daze, she moved me forward and quickly leg and arm locked me in position so I couldn't get free.
    With an evil chuckle she said, "Good, now I've given you a very nice Birthday spanking it's my turn to please ME and to do something I may never repeat so I'm going to make the most of it now."
    "What do you mean?" I asked her a bit scared, she had freaked me out a bit.
    "I'll tell you later when I've finished." She replied scarily. And then CRACK CRACK.
    Ow, I yelled, but she just laughed and kept cracking that brush down on my bottom.
    Ignoring all my yelps and little wriggles she spanked and spanked and spanked, my cries got louder and louder as she spanked on and on and it must have been about 150 spanks when the pain got so much I burst into tears. "That's right darling you have a good cry and let it all out." She said as she carried on spanking hard and fast with that brush.
    Eventually I just collapsed as a soppy snotty mess over her knee, and finally after about another 100 or so spanks, which by then I wasn't in no fit state to have been counting anyway, she stopped.
    After what seemed an eternity, I managed to sob out Why? And she replied that all through our spanking life it was me doing the leading and although she was doing the spanking and had even brought me to tears sometimes, it was always to please me and it took hold in her mind that for just once she wanted to really let rip at me with no imput from me when and how the spanking should be and she was in charge absolute, and this Birthday spanking seemed the ideal situation to find out.
    Well she used plenty of oil on my bruised and very sore bottom and asked me over and over to forgive her for going over the top and promised never to do it again.
    That night in bed we didn't make love as we usually did after a spanking session, (I was too sore and bruised and remained so for 2 weeks) but I did forgive her easily after what she'd said and said if she ever got the urge to blister my bottom like that again to talk to me about it so I could in some way prepare myself for it.

    Hairbrushedhubby.

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    1. HI Anonymous. It sounds like a great example of "be careful what you ask for -- you might get it."

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  3. "...but because a signficant amount of bad behavior goes unpunished because of all of those "real life"interferences"

    I'm right there with you brother. My wife and I fall into the same category as you and yours, frequency wise, and for the same reason. It ebbs and flows with the amount of time pressure real life throws in our direction. Mistress and I talked recently about whether we should implement maintenance spankings and although it seemed like something we would probably do (or discuss more) when she brought it up, it hasn't happened yet. I think that is mostly because she believes (and I agree) that the risk with maintenance spanking is the loss of the spanking being a meaningful deterrent for specific offenses, and that spankings would become routine.

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    1. HI Sub Hub. I have the same quandary regarding maintenance spankings. Do they encourage a making spanking a more foundational part of the relationship, or do they water down the deterrent and disciplinary effect? And, given that we can't seem to find time to address real instances of behavioral problems, what is the realistic chance that we are going to find time for even more that aren't really motivated by the desire to address a problem?

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  4. We have been logging past year so I know the exact number for that period. Earlier I am estimating but generally accurate. For the first two years or so I received one or two punishment spankings a month plus warnings ( I was not a fast learner) .So that's 20 to 25 a year for the early years This overstates it some because she gained more and more confidence and became stricter all that time so two years after we started I was being punished for things I got away with earlier. In other words her behavior expectations were something of a moving target. The number of real punishments dropped drastically after that to one every other month or less although they tended to occur in clusters.Lately we have begun twice monthly behavior reviews with the result she is catching more unacceptable behavior and I am being spanked more often. It was nine times in the last year plus three preventative spankings during the holidays.The behavior reviews are really game changers in some ways because they encourage me to confess things and empower her to take action she might have let go. As such they really are a good measure of my behavior or misbehavior as the case may be.
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. This topic of tracking has been on my mind lately, to the point that I recently created a spreadsheet to try to track how often, what the offenses were, etc.

      Can you talk a little more about the details of your behvior reviews?

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    2. Hi Dan,
      We try to schedule as close to the 1st and 15th of each month as possible.Very important, there is no punishment the day of the review and about half the time no punishment at all. So I feel free and relaxed about talking about my behavior. Getting spanked is never real to me unless it is imminent so taking away the possibility of imminent punishment opens me up to her. If at home ( usual) we sit down before dinner with a glass of wine. There is no formal time schedule but the whole thing lasts less than an hour. She will probably have the log so she can review recent discipline in case she wants to follow up with behavior that has been corrected. I am supposed to bring a written list of things I am working on or have screwed up since last time. She will usually ask if there is anything I want to tell her and sometimes she interrogate me very closely. I have always had a tough time in day to day life confessing misbehavior or asking for a spanking ( which she likes me to do very much) However in this " behavior review" setting I find it relatively easy to be honest and open. Doing so also often uncovers the real roots of misbehavior. During .the last review for example I admitted I had not walked the dog on two occasions when I had implied I had. But under questioning it turned out I hadn't walked him because of bad time management and that was caused in part by perusing pornography instead of what I should have been doing.I would never have told her about the porno outside the review. So we were able to deal with the real problem which is a reemergence of what she calls " eroticizing the computer" ( she is a lawyer if you can't tell.) What I like most about formal behavior reviews is that I am always clean with her and no behavior issues are secretly lurking between us.What she likes is the review takes pressure off her to monitor me closely without compromising her authority. The weird thing about it is that I am getting spanked more often than I did before we started reviews but my overall behavior is actually better than it has ever been.She is very happy about that which means I am very happy about it too.
      Alan

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    3. Alan - I know we've noticed some interesting parallels in our situations before (such as the "preventative maintenance spanking") - just thought I would also note that my wife has a legal background as well (although in the corporate world - without getting too specific - but I have wondered in this background made it easier for her to embrace the disciplinary lifestyle). -al

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    4. Hi al,
      A good question and I am not sure of the answer.I do think her training makes it natural for her to exercise authority . But many of the women I have known who spank or were interested in spanking had backgrounds in the health field. But that too might just be random coincidence.My belief is that certain occupations and education levels correlate with interest in adult spanking . But there is just no data to prove that one way or the other
      Alan

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    5. PS. to al
      I do think that they both independently came up with the idea of " preventative" spanking and both named it the same is something maybe only a legally trained person might do. It would be interesting to know if any other couples use and call it preventative spanking. So far only you have talked about it
      Alan

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    6. Great discussion guys. Alan, thank for sharing the details, I would not have thought about the beneficial effect of not spanking on the day of the report. Regardling professions and legal in particular, we did a poll awhile back on professions. Legal scored pretty high, but since our readership has so few disciplinarians, it definitely wasn't meaninful regarding the professions of spankers.

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  5. Dan
    I am retired from my career and have gone to work for my wife in her catering business. When I began working for her, it was difficult. Taking orders. But slowly I discovered that she was better at organization etc both at her catering company as well as home.
    At work I am treated like any other employee. The only difference between me and another employee who messes up is that they get fired and I get disciplined. If I fail at work I am spanked or caned there. That occurs about once a month. At home I find I fail to a greater degree and I would say about twice a month. The at home punishments often take place in our bedroom. After a caning I am sent to corner time, often for several hours.
    If you looked carefully I think its safe to say there are very few days my bottom doesnt show some sort of bruise. The one other rule is that after a disciplinary session there can be no sex for 24 hours.
    Richard D

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    1. Hi Richard. Thanks for sharing. I think you have addressed this before, but to clarify, are other workers aware of your spankings and canings at work?

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    2. Dan
      The very first time at work i had been very rude to a client and while workers were in the building she
      caned me. I have been disciplined a few times since and although they were not present it is gossip when i make a mess that im going to be punished.
      richard d

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    3. Thanks, Richard. I thought I recalled that from an earlier post. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. I think probably all of us would say there was more spanking frequency when we first started DD. I think most of us all learned that as time went buy, there were less spankings, but they were longer, harder, and that's moist of us concentrated more on avoiding them with better behavior.

    As I've noted in earlier comments, we put together rules and behavior that were expected with violations resulting in punishment spankings. It was actually my idea to solve problems that came up in our marriage as it had not been going well, mostly because of my faults. . About three days after that agreement my wife and I were playing golf with friends. I thought she wasn't keeping up and commented several times that very thing in earshot of our friends. She wasn't happy and when we were out of earshot on the course she said when we get home you are really going to get it. Sure enough when we got home she got her heavy duty hair brush, told me to strip, was still plenty mad, and really lit into me on the couch OTK. Dumfounded, I complied realizing I had just agreed to this, I did demean her publicly and had it coming. It was all I could do to take what she was dishing out, but I did. The pain and burn was more than I had expected and there is no question I learned from that experience. Unfortunately so did my wife.

    The first year I still remember getting seven, and my wife delivered them while still angry. Not good for me, but by the following year I only got three. I was learning. Today, about ten years later, I only get two or three as I have really cleaned up my act. Not knowing if and when it will happen again keeps me on my toes. If I get a dirty look from my wife, whatever I was doing that was irritating her I stop doing and usually get away with it. Most of the time now it is my temper that gets me into trouble.

    Since I behave better just about all aspects of our marriage have improved and the bottom burners I have gotten have bonded us in a way I can't explain, but it has all been good. We communicate better, we appreciate each other more, and romance has come back into our marriage.

    Fred.


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  7. All my spankings are punishment spankings. I average about 20 to 25 a year. For minor infractions or violations, I may or may not get a spanking. If I do receive a spanking, it is usually not severe. The most severe spankings are for repeated violations. All spankings are over my wife’s knees and always bare bottom or completely nude. Minor violation spankings are with the hair brush and the more severe will start with the brush and end with the cane. Most spankings do not end until I am in tears. My most severe spankings have been because of a repeated violation where I repeatedly denied my guilt and was proved to be lying. These are the worst and I’m left with a blistered backside. Fortunately those have declined over the years but still occur on occasion.

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    1. Why lie when you know the punishment will only be worse? I never understood that.

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    2. Because you are in denial about what you did or the seriousness of it and if you admit it the punishment is going to be severe already. Its natural to try to avoid punishment especially when she is very angry about it.

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    3. Ah! I have a cure for that! If I'm angry, I put Shilo in the corner until I'm calm. I NEVER spank him when I'm angry. It defeats the purpose!

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    4. On those increasingly rare occasions where we have a "real" fight - with anger and hurt feelings and such, Susan will walk away at some point and tell me to let her know when I am ready for my spanking. There is never any doubt that I will have a butt blistering coming when we have a fight like this - but this prevents me from having to submit when I might be too angry to (despite years of conditioning) and prevents her from spanking me in anger. But it does put me in the unenviable position of having to ask for a punishment spanking (or - if I'm lucky - and it wasn't too bad a fight - maybe just an attitude adjustment spanking - but I won't know until I'm across her lap or bent over). But she won't move on until I have been soundly spanked. The fight never just gets simply dropped - it ends with me being spanked. However, it does clear the air and restore harmony (and encourages me to avoid fights since I am NOT going to win and am just going to end up being spanked when it is all said and done). -al

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    5. Hello -al,
      I must say this is simply a brilliant solution to those kinds of problems. Kudos to Susan for instituting it. I have done something like this but not as successfully. I love the idea anger gets removed from the situation for both parties and HE has to come to me asking for a spanking
      Marisa

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  8. I get spanked (or whipped) whenever my (mis)behavior calls for it - and that is once or twice a week, on average... Some times more - though infrequently - but I can always expect a "maintenance" spanking to be administered on any given Saturday or Sunday - "just because"...


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  9. As I've posted previously, my wife does administer a weekly maintenance spanking in our home - serious enough that I am wishing it to be over well before it is - but not as serious as a punishment spanking, which is significantly more severe. In our case, the weekly maintenance spanking maintains spanking habit and atmosphere of feminine authority, without diminishing the punishment spanking. A weekly maintenance spanking means a red bottom, tears, whimpering, and maybe some sobs. A punishment spanking equates to a bruised behind, and some serious bawling.

    Aside from the weekly maintenance spankings, I probably average 6 to 8 serious punishment paddlings per year (over the last few years) - and another dozen or so "maintenance level" spankings or so in addition to the weekly maintenance spankings. These additional spankings include "preventative maintenance" spankings prior to social or family gatherings, and occasional "attitude adjustment spankings" (sometimes, I think, just because she has an "attitude" that day and feels a need to take it out on my behind - but that is a hazard of being in a DWC style relationship). So maybe another couple of spankings a month on average in addition to the weekly maintenance spankings.

    --al

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    1. Thanks, al. I am increasingly interested in the preventative maintenance spankings

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    2. Wow! Sounds like your wife is a real disciplinarian!!!

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  10. All my spankings are punishment spankings. Typically they are one or twice a month. Unfortunately, she had gotten less afraid of making them hurt, because when I repeat an offense I get a "bad"spanking. These result in tears, bruises, sometimes blisters. The worst are when I've already received a bad spanking die something, as this week. I am receiving a spanking every day. Yesterday and today did result in tears, but not in blisters. I did see the beginning of some bruises.

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    1. I've only had one other time when she spanked me within a day or two of another hard discplinary spanking. It was awful. I thought it was likely to happen this week to me, too. I have a very, very sore bottom from a session on Sunday. I can't imagine taking another right now, so I hope it is a threat she does not follow through on.

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    2. I will write on the weekend to let you know how I fare. Unfortunately she has learned to ignore my pain and teach me the lesson she wants to teach. And she has promised that tomorrow night will be the worst so far. Fortunately on Friday I won't be at the gym.

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    3. I've spent the entire week trying to dodge eyes in the gym.

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    4. Couldn't respond before, but I ended up spending a week trying to carefully change at the gym. Wife's position was that I earned the spankings, so the gym was a problem I earned. This is not to mention that it just plain hurt to sit or even pull up my underwear for more than a week.

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    5. That was me. Open blisters, bruises - it wasn't pretty. But to those who think it extreme, it is what we agreed to together. I deserved it and needed it, and my wife now has equal power that lets her say and do what she feels and thinks. And we're happier and closer than ever.

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    6. Couldn't respond before, but I ended up spending a week trying to carefully change at the gym. Wife's position was that I earned the spankings, so the gym was a problem I earned. This is not to mention that it just plain hurt to sit or even pull up my underwear for more than a week.

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  11. Dan
    After tracking Peter's mood swings, it seems on an average of every 12 to 15 days he begins to act up or out.
    We have a scheduled Friday nite alone. Our boys spend Friday nights at my folks. We go to dinner and if I sense Peter is beginning to act during that week I mention it. Often talking about what is on his mind mends his behavior. When it doesnt he knows the next friday alone he will be punished. Punishment now requires bare bottomed spanking followed by at least an hour of corner time. In addition no sex that evening.
    In addition when he truly loses it like he did a few months ago when at work he yelled and then hung up on me.
    I went at once to his office with his belt and a paddle and there on a late sunday afternoon made sure he felt
    every bit of my anger. Those kinds of outbursts now only occur I would say 5 or 6 times a year. I want to say that after that last incident he acted out badly a few days later and let me say he received bruises on his bruises. Dan we wives are, many of us, writing the book on this with their husband. Peter and I more and more find that the more open we are the better it all works. If I put a number I would say a total of 25 to 30 spankings
    a year.

    Anna

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    1. Forgot to say I hope you realize how much good this blog does. Thank you !

      anna

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    2. Hi Anna. I hope you are doing well. I absolutely agree that all you wives are writing a very helpful book to guide others. Thanks, as always, for sharing!

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  12. I was intrigued by Alan's formal Review procedures and their use of a spreadsheet to for detailed accuracy. He said his wife is a lawyer so I imagine it must be next to impossible to conceal anything; unless he is also a lawyer - which I think is a strong possibility. :)

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    1. I doubt it. If they were both lawyers, neither would be capable of letting the other one be the Top. ;-)

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  13. With us it also ebbs and flows.......because that's just how we as people live life in general. We can get very intense for a while and there have been times when I'm spanked for punishment multiple times a day. And then, for a number of reasons, we will go for weeks without any. I think this is just the way things are. If I were to answer the same frequency question on just about anything, the pattern would be similar.

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  14. Hello Dan,
    Anna's behavior cycle for Peter is familiar to me although with Jay it is somewhat longer , about three weeks. Add another week on average I try to talk him down before spanking and he schedules a trip over my lap or worse about monthly. When we started we both thought the number of spankings would naturally decrease over time. I remember because it was very important to him that he would make progress. He asked me if there was a time he wouldn't get spanked and I told him spanking would probably always be needed but as he learned spanking would get rare . I was wrong about that They did decline after the first couple of years but that's partly because I had to spank him as much as twice a week in the beginning. They did not get rare but they have averaged monthly for several years now leading me to believe there is a cycle working underneath. He has gone up to three months without getting in trouble when my mother stayed with us and several times he went about two months. But that monthly cycle is the norm for us and I don't expect it to change
    Marisa

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    1. Hi Marisa. I don't doubt that we males have our own cycles. My stress level definitely ebbs and flows somewhat of its own accord and not entirely as a reflectio of what I have happening at work, etc. And, my misbehavior very often is stress related. Also, I do think that over time wives can just become more demanding, so one behavior gets better but she is now focused on a different area to correct. Like Jay, I used to be concerned that after a few years of this,I was still being spanked regularly and whether that suggested it is a game. But, I don't think so now. To some extent, our personalities are so hard-wired, and our circumstances change so little, that it's just hard to fundamentally change who you are and what you do on big issues. But, I've also come to believe, that part of the reason that DD works is because, while it often starts as something focused on "making him better," it often morphs into an outlet for her to express her displeasure and vent her anger, regardless of whether he actually changes. As one commenter said, it "evens the playing field."

      Thanks, as always, for dropping by.

      Dan

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    2. Dan - great point about the experienced DD wife eventually becoming comfortable enough with the idea of spanking that she will sometimes use it just to express her displeasure with him. I might even take it a step further and say that she might even occasionally spank just for her benefit, even if the hubbie has in no way earned a spanking - taking out her frustrations on his bare behind, so to speak.

      I've actually read posts to this effect on various forums throughout the years. In fact, one of the earliest "real life" stories on the DWC site, "A Husband's Essay", includes a reference to this. My own wife, Susan, freely admits to working out her own personal frustrations on my backside from time to time (but never above maintenance level) - I just accept it as an occasional hazard of the lifestyle. This general theme of the wife spanking out of general frustration with her husband or due to her own frustrations might make for an interesting topic one week. --al

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    3. Dan
      could not help but mention after reading --al's comment that when i personally am frustrated and i take it out on Peter's bottom is us usually his bad behavior that drives me to it. Just a thouight!

      lovinglyu anna

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    4. Anna, I am so sure that is true - because it is certainly true in our home. It probably just has to do with our inherent bad boy behavior. And, without a doubt, almost every "out of frustration" spanking I receive is brought about by my bad behavior. But, there is a spanking now and then - even by Susan's own admission - that is just because she needs to work out her own frustrations on my bare behind. And that really is ok, too, it's a small price to pay for all the disciplinary lifestyle adds to our lives. --al

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    5. - -al

      I always say this one is for all the times I put up with bad behavior and didnt or couldnt punish at the moment... glaqd you took that well . tell your lady to give you 5 for me

      anna

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  15. Hi, my wife punishes me quite often . at least twice most months. I stand in font f her as she lectuures me as she takes my trousers and underpants off, smiling as my erect penis bounces free and she takes it in hand and leads me into our former store room-now the 'Punishment Room! in the corner we have a cupboard where the canes and martinet are kept with some slippers ! She likes to give me a warm up spanking over her knees on my well rounded bottom, then orders me to stand facing an old school desk whilst she selects a cane Then over the desk I go! She teases me with lighter strokes before starting to make the cuts really sting, raising painful red stripes! She pauses every 4 /5 strokes to exmine my buttocks and thigths squeezing my painful burning cheeks which is like another cut of the cane1 I get theses canings abou18 times a year the rest are slipper spankings or the strap ! Then she likes to apply the martinet quite often with its thing leather strips which go everywhere and she insists I stand with legs well apart so she can make the strips go right into my bottom cleft stinging the sensitive sides of the cleft and even reaching near my anus! I love her then examining my burning bottom and she delves into my cleft and some times rubs in some soothing cream! Finally I get corner time of up to half an hour gettingmy bum slapped if I attempt to rub my burning bum ! We do enjoy these punishments ,some are fun others are really punshments! M.

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