Saturday, August 29, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 103 - How Did You Learn About DD

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of individuals and couples who are involved or interested in domestic discipine and female-led relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was a little busy, which caused me to get behind in responding to comments on the last topic.  I apologize for not getting to them sooner and for not responding in greater length to some of them.  Just another one of those times when worked had to take precedence over other, more pleasant, activities.  Anyway, I hope you all had a good week.

This week's topic extended from one FLR/DD wife's account of an incident with her husband that set the stage for their FLR relationship.  I won't go into any details, because they are hers to share or not share, but the short version is he did something that made her so upset that she finally just blew up and took over.   It recently occurred to me that, while I knew the details of the incident itself and that it caused her to start seriously exploring an FLR, I didn't actually know how the two came to be connected in her mind.  In other words, what was it that caused her to link the problems in the relationship with the solution of FLR and DD. 

At an even simpler level, what I am asking is, how did you first learn of DD and FLR as possible tools to use in a relationship, or as possible lifestyle choices?   I recognize that I ask this coming from the minority perspective of someone who did not have a pre-existing obsession with spanking that later naturally extended into DD, and I definitely had never heard of the concept of DD until well into my 30s.  Had I not seen some reference to the Disciplinary Wives Club, I'm not sure I would have ever come to know the concept even existed.  So, for me, the progression went in short order from not thinking at all about adult spanking, to seeing an episode of Real Sex on HBO that focused on erotic spanking and that caused some reaction in me and led to a short and fairly unfulfilling period of experimentationwith erotic spanking, to finding the DWC and becoming very fixated on the whole concept. And, were my wife to answer this question, she would say she heard about DD from me after I found the DWC website and very tentatively asked her to look at it.

So, how did you first learn about DD and FLR as lifestyle concepts?  The internet?  If so, was there a particular website?  Maybe read about in an erotic magazine or book?  Knew a friend in the lifestyle?  Had a dramatic blow up fight with your spouse and one of you somehow came up with the idea of using spanking to fix the situation?

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Also, please note that I posted a new poll that seeks to test the frequency of spanking, and I also re-started the poll that seeks information on whether our readers are in an active DD relationship.

41 comments:

  1. We thought of it ourselves. Only later did we discover what other people call it.

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    1. Welcome Mutual DD Couple. Thanks for joining in!

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  2. As I've mentioned before, my relationship with Shilo was (and still is for the most part) based on BDSM with me being his Mistress/Dominant.About a month after we married, Shilo brought up the idea of us starting a FLR/DD relationship. I had never heard of it before, so I searched the internet for information. Honestly, to me it's not much different than what we were doing before. Our relationship has evolved so many times over the past 2 years that you could say we're pretty vanilla on the outside with spice hidden deep inside. The discipline works

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  3. I learned about Domestic Discipline as a lifestyle concept on the internet. Even before Google, I was searching for spanking sites – and found several that were mainly male-spanks-female, which I was very interested in. I also found links to three sites that were mainly about female-spanks-male and they were more discipline oriented, rather than just about cute bottom women getting spanked. The sites that I remember were “WHAP! Magazine” (Women wHo Administer Punishment) which had a website, but everything in the website was geared towards selling the magazine (I believe it has ceased publication); The “Disciplinary Wives Club”; and another publication from Scarlet Hill, “No Nonsense Ladies”. I was enthralled.

    Most of the Male-spanks-female sites seemed to be erotic (enjoyable but not really a lifestyle). The three female-spanks-male sites I listed were about adopting a disciplinary lifestyle with a dominant wife (or girlfriend) and a submissive husband (or boyfriend). Although I was very interested, and came back to view the sites many times, for what ever reason, I could not ever gather the courage to share the find with my wife. So we have not adopted the lifestyle. In fact, at first, I wanted to make sure that my wife did not see me looking at those particular sites, because I certainly did not want to get a spanking for viewing websites about men getting spanked.

    As time as moved on, and as I have previously commented, getting a spanking from my wife would be erotic, but I would mostly be interested in getting a spanking from my wife only if the experience was empowering and arousing for her. Otherwise, I think the vanilla lifestyle will be our future.

    I think your blog, especially with your invitation to readers to comment is at least as good as all of the other sites. I really like the real person stories on the DWC, the fiction and real stories on Scarlet Hills' site, but the comments and occasional insights gleaned from your readers are – by far – the most interesting and enlightening. So please keep up the good work, and keep blogging. And I will keep reading and I will comment when have something to add. So, Thanks, Dan.

    Jack

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  4. My wife was always jealous of her best friend’s marriage. Her friend’s husband was a ‘perfect’ husband and never got in any trouble, and waited on her hand and foot. My wife would share with her friend the troubles we were having in our marriage. The problem was me and my indifferent attitude and misconduct in our relationship. Eventually my wife began incorporating the suggestions she was receiving from her friend. As time went on I became more attentive and conscience of my actions but only to a point. Her friend explained that strict discipline had to be used if my wife expected me to improve further. Her own reluctance to discipline and lack of effectiveness resulted in very futile discipline spankings but that soon changed. Once she embraced disciplining me and increasing the severity of the spankings (using implements and longer sessions) the results were remarkable. We never referred to our new relationship as a FLR or DD since we were not aware of those terms. As time went on and my wife became more “in charge” she researched the dynamic further and today actually counsels other women on the benefits of disciplining husbands.

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    1. Hi Anonymous. Thanks for contributing. What form does this counselling take, if I may ask?

      Dan

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    2. My wife's best friend was a professional dominant who worked with her clients wives and girlfriends.My wife has a counseling background and became very interested in that

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  5. Our "discovery" of DD (which later morphed into FLR) was almost entirely due to the alluring way her derrière looked in the "pencil skirts" that were then in fashion. When (after I has proceeded to spank her bare bottom) she insisted on "turning the tables", we soon agreed that I was the one who most needed to be disciplined - and that's the way it has been... at least, most of the time!

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  6. This topic is making me smile about how "Anti-DD" I used to be years ago. I think it was because my introduction to the notion of spanking as genuine punishment was on a forum that was primarily all submissive women. There was also this very pronounced "WE ARE NOT KINKY" conservative vibe to the place that drove me crazy. On this forum I would read how male dominance in a marriage was the 'natural way' and that there was nothing kinky or enjoyable about it, and how it was all purely punitive and disciplinary.........and then there'd be post after post of these ladies gushing and cooing over every punishment, and even talk of plugs and other things. It was the most hypocritical place I had ever seen, and not being one to tolerate hypocrisy, I used to call these ladies out on their blatant contradictions.

    I remember telling one lady who would be spanked over and over and over for the same dangerous and self-destructive things, each time panting and praising her "man" for being so strict, that it seemed to me that spanking was a very ineffective punishment for her. (I sarcastically suggested that her husband cut off a portion of her finger next time, and that perhaps then she would strive to avoid the bad behavior, and not find it such a hot, panty-dampening experience.)

    I eventually quit the forum after I simple could not take it anymore. At this time in my own life I did feel that spanking could be effective punishment, but that it had to be used sparingly and executed in a very unpleasant way so that the punitive aspect overrode any sexual thrill. I had been punitively spanked for real offences in the relationship I was in, and knew they were very powerful and effective punishments.

    Eventually that relationship failed and ended and over time I experimented with other people until Rosa came along. We then started with spanking as play, but eventually realized it would be very logical for us to use it as punishment for real offences. Our FLR was born, and I credit Rosa's confident belief in her own authority for its success. If she was 'just playing' I don't think I would hold the current view I have of DD, and would probably still be thinking of it as a the sham I believed it was many years ago.

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  7. I missed last week's discussion again as I continue to be very busy with a project at work - however, the two topics (last week's and this week's) are essentially related for me. I did find it interesting that a number of the posts last week indicated there was no "fetish" - just strictly discipline. And while I am certainly not questioning anyone's statement, I personally have a hard time understanding how you get to DD unless there is some fascination with spanking that led to it. It just seems to me that there would need to be some level of interest for the husband to actually be willing to submit to a serious bare bottom paddling - but that is not to say that is not the case for some.

    As I've posted before, my fascination ("fetish") with spanking F/M spanking seems to have been sparked by an otk paddling (not quite bare bottom - but just underwear on - an pulled into my crack) that I received from an attractive aunt several years younger than my Mom (who didn't really use corporal punishment). I was only ten at the time and it did not seem fascinating at all - I just wanted to make sure that I did not get any more like it during the two weeks that I was staying her that summer. However, when puberty hit a couple of years later, that episode became sexualized - and the appeal of the F/M spanking became firmly established in my psyche. In my late teens, I almost worked up the courage to ask her for a spanking on the grounds that I needed some help with discipline - but never quite got there. By chance, when I was dating an older woman around age 19 or 20, she introduced me to adult spanking. She was really a bottom and loved to be spanked, but she did paddle me once just to show me how it should be done when my first couple of attempts had been too mild (the paddling she gave me was effective, but still relatively mild by DWC standards). I enjoyed spanking her well enough but really found the spanking she gave me to be of far more interest but again did not have the courage to ask for more. Shortly thereafter, she moved away.

    So, as I went through my adult life I knew that I definitely had a fascination with F/M spanking, and even occasionally glanced at a couple of spankings mags (although mostly they were M/F or F/F) but wasn't willing to seek out a dominatrix and knew that my plain vanilla wife (so I thought) would never be interested so it remained a fascination. I learned of the idea of DD in a real life marriage as the primary reason for F/M spanking when the Net came to the general public and I discovered the Usenet spanking forums (anyone else recall alt.sex.spanking or soc.sex.spanking?). There I read some very good stories portraying the DWC lifestyle - and later when the Web came to the Net, I discovered the DWC site that really cemented the idea of F/M DD as a viable lifestyle for some people. And later, on that fateful evening over a bottle of wine and an uncharacteristically candid conversation with my wife when I confessed to a fascination with spanking - it was the DWC site that my wife read "cover to cover". Within hours after that I received my first DW paddling - and she has never looked back. --al

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    1. My experience resonates with al's. I believe any man or woman who seeks disciplinary spanking has some degree of fetish in the sense that spanking sometime in their life became linked to their sexuality. But apparently there are at least a few men in consensual femdom relationships who are punished with spanking but derive no sexual feelings from it.They don't seek spanking punishment and would probably wish they were not subject to spanking but accept it as part of the relationship they have and want to continue. Maybe this is part of the confusion that comes up with this issue.Some men claim they don't have a fetish but are spanked by a wife or SO.This probably does happen.
      Alan

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    2. Alan - thanks for your comments. After reading them, I thought I would add some additional thoughts to clarify my own experience. I definitely find the IDEA, MEMORY, and ANTICIPATION (etc) of a spanking disturbingly fascinating - and certainly with sexual overtones, even to the point of fueling the occasional masturbation fantasy (although, unlike many other accounts that I have read over the years, I never have an erection immediately before a spanking). However, the actual physical spanking itself is NOT an erotic event - my wife does not play games when it comes to the spanking itself (even weekly maintenance spankings usually evoke tears). During the spanking she sets my ass on fire - incessant burning and stinging - legs flailing about, tears and sobs - with a very red and sore behind when she is finished, and if it is a punishment spanking, there are probably some bruises as well. Usually about the time the two dozen warmup swats are done, I am ready for her to be done - but she has just begun with the hundred or so virtually nonstop whacks to follow. So - the spanking experience, for me anyway, is anything but sexual or fun while it is happening. Which is why - even though I may have a spanking fetish - the spanking itself is an effective discipline. The weekly maintenance spankings certainly serve as a ongoing reminder as to who the disciplinarian is our house (while, at the same time, supplying whatever strange need I have for corporal discipline) - while the more severe punishment spankings definitely help me see the error of my ways and the importance of improving my behavior. And they have been effective in helping me break bad habits and improve my behaviors - many people noticed the change in our dynamic early on in our disciplinary arrangement. And I will intentionally moderate my behavior to avoid a punishment spanking (which are significantly more intense than weekly maintenance) - so while I just have to accept my weekly maintenance spanking and endure, wishing it to be over, I actively try to behave well enough to avoid the punishment spankings.

      I guess my point is that there seems to be an idea among some that a spanking fascination / fetish cannot coexist with REAL DD - that it is one or the other - but that is certainly not my experience. --al

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    3. @ Al: REAL DD???!!! Is there such a thing as "fake" DD? ::gigglesnort!:: I see the words "REAL" and "TRUE" all the time on the kink website I use most (FL) and all I can do is laugh at those words because it implies that the others are fake or false. I'd venture to say it's just different.

      I'm a Sadist, Shilo is masochistic, still, he avoids doing things he'll get punished for, because punishment isn't fun at all, and it puts me in a foul mood. My inner Sadist is most happy when we can have Funishment or when I do maintenance spankings, because it allows us to enjoy it but also reminds us of the rules we both agreed to.

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    4. I'd also like to add that Shilo, as much as he enjoys receiving funishment, has never had an erection in anticipation of a spanking.

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    5. Merry: The answer to your question..."Is there such a thing as 'fake' DD?" is 'yes'. In fact, I can't think of anything real that can't also be faked. To say something is different is fine, but if that difference alters the thing past its definition, that different thing would correctly be called "fake". ( If a person gave you cut glass and called it a diamond, would you not consider it to be fake? Would you merelycall it a different diamond?)

      While there may be many ways of living a DD lifestyle, I would consider the defining points of DD to be an arrangement where, within a household (domestic), there are consequences for misbehavior (discipline).........hence, "DD". However, if a couple told me they enjoyed hot spanking foreplay on the pretext of being punished for concocted or imagined behaviors, I would consider that just fine, but I'd call it: 'roleplay'. If however, that couple insisted it was DD, I would have to say it was "fake" DD. If the spanking serves as an impetus to behave, it is discipline.....even if there is enjoyment of the activity, but if the spanking is just sexy fun, how can it be called discipline?

      The reasons you probably encounter the overuse of "real" and "true" are many. Some people use these words to distinguish what they do from those who are just playing, Some possibly use them to emphasize that they actually engage in such activity and not just writing made-up fantasies. And still others, unfortunately, do use those words to try to present what they do as the only proper way to do it. (In this last example, I would agree with you.)

      The unfortunate truths are that some DD accounts are fake, and that not everything people wish to 'call' "DD"..actually is. On the forum I mentioned in my post, the couples all insisted it was DD, but the more you read, the more it sounded like the Tops were just getting off on spanking their subs, using any excuse to do it, the subs also got off on the spankings, and everyone just played their part so they could all enjoy hot sex afterwards, and, worse of all....... the behaviors cited as the reasons for the spankings never changed. Either that's not DD, or it's extremely ineffective and counterproductive DD. And, there's nothing wrong with doing this. But to be accurate, it needs to be called something else.

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    6. Merry - I very much appreciated your reply and it would seem that you and Shiloh have similar views to that of Susan and I concerning the integration of fetish and DD.

      KD - you do make a good point about role play being (really by definition) "fake DD" - but hopefully those couples role playing would understand that they are "playing" and not engaging in "real DD" (where the husband is actually subject to real corporal discipline by his wife - for misbehavior or other offenses) - still there may be those who can't make that distinction. And, in some cases, that role play may actually morph into a more real DD lifestyle - I have read posts to that effect over the years as well.

      I do think that you described what both Merry and I were both referring to when you wrote "And still others, unfortunately, do use those words to try to present what they do as the only proper way to do it." Good discussion - thanks for the input. --al

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    7. In our case, a brief period of role play did morph into a real DD lifestyle. But, the role play was really very focused on the Femdom fantasy kind of spanking and, at at that point, neither of us had even heard the term DD. And, the decision to try it came after my wife had decided to stop spanking entirely, becuse the role playing was, in fact, just sex play but it did sometimes involved being "punished" for behavior that really did piss her off but, because it was all bound up in the sex scene, she was concerned that it would, in fact, just encourage the bad behavior. When I showed her the DWC website, we agreed from the beginning that the spankings had to be like those portrayed on the DWC -- very hard, not at all enjoyable, and not incorporating the whole leather and chains Femdom scene. In other words, she had no interest in doing it at all if there was any chance it would reinforce the bad behavior.

      In short, I do agree that there is such a thing as "fake" DD, and that does include some of the stuff on the DWC, which sometimes did drift into things like spanking parties that seemed to have very little, if anything, to do with actual discipline. That said, I also am careful about not claiming there is some one accepted definition of DD. But, I think KD's two criteria are a pretty elegant way to sum it up.

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    8. Hi Al. Hope you're well. Thanks for sharing your trajectory in this lifestyle.

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  8. Dan
    I have pondered this question for so long. How I got here as a man who needs discipline? I am not sure. I can tell you something that only Anna knows. I spent a summer when I was 13 with my favorite aunt and uncle. My aunt was a teen when I was born so she was always fun. When she married my uncle,they quickly became my coolest aunt and uncle. My uncle let me help him restore a car he had, something my dad would have no time for. Long story short, they went out one saturday nite and I stayed back. In the garage I found a tool box hidden in the back of a shelf. I snooped and found several Polaroid snaps ( this tells you how long ago it was)
    They were a series of [pictures of man slacks around his ankles being spanked by a woman in very high heels.I I cant explain but I ended up jerking off looking at them. I couldnt be sure they were my aunt and uncle
    but after that I noticed how my aunt was a very take charge wife. My uncle said when she wanted something
    " Better do it we dont want her getting all riled up.
    After that I was so aroused by those images. The following year I went back and the box wasnt there. I always wanted to ask.
    I guess the point of this all is thinking back punishment is always most arousing to me when Anna wears heels.

    Peter

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    1. Hi Peter. Thanks for sharing the personal details. Unfortunately, I never had such an aunt. But, regardless of how we got here, we somehow both found a lifestyle that helps us overcome our limitations and women willing to help with that. I hope you and Anna have a great weekend.

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  9. I first learned about DD as a lifestyle while searching the web for spanking pictures. This was early days of the world wide web (at least for me), before Google and I was using a dial up modem (all of the rage at the time). Although most of the search results were male-spanks-female – which was what I was interested in, some of the sites that I found were about, or included, female-spanks-male pictures. Videos could be purchased there, but the web was not fast enough to stream videos, so the sites had pictures and stories, only.

    There were three sites that I remember. The first was a site about a magazine titled “WHAP! Magazine” (Women wHo Administer Punishment), which – I believe - has ceased publication; the second and still around in pretty much the same format was ”The Disciplinary Wives Club” (DWC); and the third was another magazine, still published, by Scarlet Hill Publications titled “NNL” for “No Nonsense Ladies”. The three sites were memorable because, instead of just showing or discussing a shot-in-time spanking either erotic or for a punishment, the sites actually discussed real disciplinary punishments. Two of the sites, WHAP! and the DWC, suggested and, in fact, even advocated that readers adopt a disciplinary relationship or lifestyle themselves, specifically with the man in the relationship receiving the discipline. I do not remember there being anything as intense (at least to me) in the male-spanks-female sites. There, even if if a spanking was used as punishment – it still appeared to be erotic, where the female-spanks-male sites seemed to be much more about the discipline of and the correction of the behavior of men.

    I really enjoyed the “Tips and Methods” and “Real People” sections on the DWC, and have read the site from cover to cover many times, and I enjoy the true and fiction stories from “No Nonsense Ladies”, but I was deeply enthralled and completely captured by “WHAP! Magazine”. I think if anything was going to change my opinion about adopting a lifestyle where I would receive discipline or get a spanking from my wife, (even if it was only an occasional occurrence) it probably would have been “WHAP!” I actually looked for a copy of the magazine at a local bookstore, which was listed as carrying the magazine, but they did not have a copy. Although some of their stuff was a little outside of my comfort zone, their spanking information was always presented as instructional, and I really enjoyed WHAP! for that reason.

    As time has worn on, my wife and I have not adopted a disciplinary lifestyle. I am still interested in spanking and recognize that I most likely have a spanking kink (probably not a fetish, but it depends on how 'fetish' is defined.) I would accept a spanking from my wife if she found it empowering. Although submission from the woman I love in the bedroom can be erotic, living with an empowered woman every where else is what I enjoy the most (not leading her, not following her, but walking with her shoulder to shoulder every where we go). If takes getting a spanking, at home, behind closed doors, just between the two of us, to get us there – so be it.

    Dan, I enjoy your site for the same reasons that I enjoyed WHAP!, the DWC and NNL. You, and your readers, tell their histories and present their thoughts, values and reflections in basic and sometimes very raw ways that makes it clear that most (if not all) are real. The comments from the women who like to lead are enlightening, and the comments from the men who prefer to follow are interesting. Together, they have opened my eyes to another way of thinking. I do not always agree with the stated opinions, but I always enjoy reading them. So Thank You, Dan. Please keep up the good work!

    Jack

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    1. Hi Jack. Flattery will get you everywhere. ;-) Thanks for contributing. I didn't realize that DWC went back that far. I've seen the covers of WHAP magazine on various spanking and DD sites, but it seems virtually impossible to find paper or electronic copies of the actual magazines.

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    2. I've never seen a print copy of WHAP. I have a few publications from Scarlet Hill, and they are still going strong!

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  10. It's been a while since I've seen that name around the Net - WHAP! magazine - short for "Women Who Administer Punishment". They actually sold them in an adult bookstore in my city. The store had a separate special room for "Fetish" items - quite a nice selection and did quite well apparently - and they carried WHAP! magazine for the relatively duration of it's publication. I recall there being at least a few editions before they discontinued publication - and I believe I bought them all and probably still have them hidden away somewhere. Iirc, they were being published just about the time my wife so unexpectedly turned my fantasies into reality. I recall her reading them back at the beginning of our disciplinary arrangement. They were fun reads. Thanks for the post, Jack - a trip down memory lane and some good insights as well. --al

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    1. And that should have been "for the relatively *short* duration of it's publication". These little boxes are hell on my typing - I really should use Word, then copy and paste. Regards to all, -al

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  11. Memory Lane.... Pre-Internet.... I remember buying some small booklets (almost pamphlets), they may have been the first NuWest publications. I could hardly believe that there were other men who wanted spankings out there AND that someone published a booklet about it. Then there was the first ever Shadow Lane event at the Sportsman Lodge. That was a mind-blowing experience.

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    1. Hi Tomy. Thanks for sharing. Please share more about Shadow Lane, either here or on your blog.

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    2. I've never intended a Shadow Lane party, but it's coincidental that there is one in progress this Labor Day weekend in Las Vegas.

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  12. Our discussion led me to reminisce about Whap magazine - and I seemed to recall reading that it actually was displayed on a mainstream tv talk show. A little Googling led me to the following.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x2232990
    (You will have to copy and paste.)

    And of a Fox News show at that.....

    --al

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  13. We have been married 40 yrs--Its a very happy marriage---We were young when we married and the first yr I was a poor exuse of a husband--I was never unfaithful but i was with my male friends more---Finally my wife got totally fed up--She said she would call my dad over and I knew he would whip my naked butt in front of her so to avoid that--I asked if she would paddle me instead--as the lesser of two evils--I went out to our garage and picked up a skinny stick at random and came in a gave it to her and she did paddle me bare and damn hard --she was really angry----that is how it started as a way to avoid a bare whipping from my dad which would have totally embarrassed me----Once in a while there has to be a repeat and we both seem to know and agree on when it is necessary IT HURTS LIKE CRAZY

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    1. Hi Anonymous. While we've had comments about mothers and mothers-in-law teaching the wives to spank, I think this is the first reference to a wife threatening a spanking from the husband's father. VEry interesting.

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  14. Hi Dan,
    There were really two stages for me. The first was just watching Mom managing Dad and my brothers. From that I learned that spanking with a strap does control male behavior ( yes, I received a few also) But I never intended to spank in my own marriage although Mom suggested it more than once. Several years into marriage ( four or five) I gradually changed my mind as I saw my husbands behavior deteriorating most particularly a tendency to throw tantrums and use foul language.He offered almost no resistance when I announced my decision. When I saw the almost immediate improvement in conduct I became convinced doing it was worthwhile. Since then I have used the internet to improve my knowledge and effectiveness but it really was his behavior that set his fate.
    Holly

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    1. Hi Holly. From your comments, it sounded like you were well aware of that your mom spanked your dad. May I ask how you felt about that at the time? One thing we struggle with, and have raised more than once on this blog, is whether a daughter knowing that her dad gets spanked is likely to be positive, negative, or some degree of both. My wife is always concerned that it would cause a lack of respect for the dad.

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    2. Dan,
      I certainly didn’t disrespect my Dad because I married a man like him (sometimes too much like him) but sometimes I thought my Dad should stand up for himself more instead of meekly submitting to her. There were times I thought she was too strict and too quick to spank. I never planned to discipline my own husband so I did not really see her as a role model growing up. But reality intruded and eventually I learned my husband needs the strap to function well in our relationship. But I am not nearly as strict as she was and spanking happens when other measures have failed (deliberate disobedience is always spanked). We don’t have children but I would keep discipline private if we did. I wasn’t harmed knowing my Dad was spanked but I am not sure about my brothers so I wouldn’t risk it. In a perfect world Mom would have set me down during college sometime and told me she spanked him and why and I would have been better ready to deal with it and probably would have started spanking my own husband much earlier (which he needed) .Today I would have no trouble disciplining my husband in the presence of another adult (it hasn’t happened yet) and think it’s probably a good idea, but my kids would never know that he is spanked. It’s just not necessary.
      Holly

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    3. P.S I just wanted to make it clear that Mom never spanked in front of me. She took him into a bedroom and anyone in the house knew what was happening but never saw it.To this day I don't know how she spanked him exactly except she always used a strap.
      Holly

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    4. Holly, thanks so much for the response and the helpful advice. Hope you've having a good long weekend.

      Dan

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  15. I have written about this before so will be brief.I learned from a previous girlfriend who had very positive ideas about spanking, particularly spanking men.Her positive attitude toward spanking inspired me to open up to her about my experiences and the notion that sometimes I probably still needed spanked.Doing that was transforming.She saw spanking as a healthy part of an adult relationship and something that "leveled the playing field" between men and women.She told me that she had observed some " self destructive" tendencies in me that spanking would control. After those discussions nothing more was said for about three weeks when she showed up at my apartment one evening with a custom paddle she had made.I received one of the hardest spankings of my life that night . She said she wanted to make sure I was serious about taking discipline. Afterward I had to do corner time for 45 minutes and then call her and I did and we talked for hours about what had happened.Gradually after that she subjected me to stricter and stricter control and it became a normal thing for her to spank when she thought I was out of line.
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. Thanks for telling your story, and it doesn't get old. Hope you are doing well.

      Dan

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  16. Dan wrote: "So, how did you first learn about DD and FLR as lifestyle concepts? The internet? If so, was there a particular website? Maybe read about in an erotic magazine or book? Knew a friend in the lifestyle? "

    Believe it or not, while I had heard for much of my life of wives who ruled the home, I first really accepted it as a proper practice when I saw it clearly revealed in the Scriptures (when properly translated). This took place when I was about 50 years and had been reading the Bible off and on for 34 years! God likes to hide things, and this is one of His secrets that He has kept very well hidden.

    Now most professing Christians believe that wives have NO AUTHORITY in the home, and some even claim that husbands may spank their wives, but can never cite any scripture. The fact is that a very persuasive case can be made from the Bible that not only can a wife spank her husband -- BUT SHE SHOULD.

    -- Ken

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  17. I've never seen that. Anyway I only like funishments from my wife. We are straighforward in that sense.

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