Saturday, June 20, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 93 - Interference

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  Sorry again for last week's absence.  Many of us have expressed frustation at one point or another with the extent to which "real life" interferes with our best intentions regarding domestic discipline and FLR.  Last week was one of those times for me, and it was the blog that was interfered with.  I promise to try not to let that happen very often, though I am finding that Saurdays are getting increasingly busy and more often than usual I am not near a computer for large parts of the morning.  I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that -- perhaps trying to draft a post earlier in the week so it is ready when Saturday morning comes.  I also might start posting on Friday nights.  Though, my posting and comments already suffer sometimes from lack of proofreading, and given the prevalence of Friday happy hours and social events,  I doubt posting that day will aid in my efforts to produce a quality product.

These thoughts about real life interfering with our best intentions provided an easy segue into a blog topic.  What aspects of the rest of your life interfere the most with your efforts or goals regarding DD or FLR, and what do you do, if anything, to try to minimize or mitigate them?  Are the interferences family related, work, social activities, business travel?  Or, do you simply not allow such things to interfere when punishment or discipline has been earned?  One aspect of this that I am particularly curious about is whether all or most of the major interferences are also tied up in the fact that for most of us, the DD and FLR aspects of our relationships are something we keep hidden from others.  Would being more open about this thing we do result in it being a deeper and more regular part of our lives?  Imagine how much our lives might change if all our wives had no problem with something like this:



I hope you all have a great weekend.

Dan


25 comments:

  1. Love it! The women would too! Just think of this happening at a dinner party, ALL of the other men would be very quiet, and submissive, thinking about, not if but, when they will get spanked!

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  2. A part of this happened to me. She did not take me into another room for a spanking but said for everyone to hear that I would get a spanking when we got home. Most laughed some wives went "Ohhhhhhhhh" One husband asked if she was serious and called the next day to find out if she did it. I laughed and said no as I was sitting on a very sore bottom. I always wonder if I should have said yes
    The best part was when we got home she says " I almost let it slip out about your spankings" I was honey you didn't almost you flat out said it

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. Interesting that she didn't realize she let it slip.

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  3. Dan
    Back in April I related an "outing" of sorts at the catering company where I work. It is my wife's business and while working I was very rude to the mother of the bride at a wedding party we catered. My wife, very angry took me into her office and punished me with my own belt. Usually this sort of thing always happened in the
    privacy of our home. When we came out the other employees were aware of what had happened. In many ways it was a liberating experience. Last week I did something I shouldnt have done and a coworker smiled and said to me you had better watch it or you may be spanked again. This coworker was an older lady. We both laughed.

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    1. I remember that story. I wonder if this is how most outings would work out -- humiliating at first though ultimately liberating?

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    2. Dan
      The women who work for my wife were very offended by the way I behaved with my wife's business.
      And truth to tell it was liberating. I do notice when my wife gives me an order the ladies all seem to
      wait to see my reaction. The most important fact is this is her business and I now know to behave as it is, and therefore my job is to make what she wants to happen , happen!

      Richard D.

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    3. Hi Richard. Sounds fair -- she owns the business and you help make it happen.

      Dan

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  4. Hello Dan,

    Actual punishment should normally be administered in private. But it’s not necessary to role-play in public the part of a mousy little house wife. My husband is very successful but there is no confusion among our friends or families who wears the pants in the family. I have never used the threat of a spanking to correct him in public but I have come very close warning him of consequences if he continues this or that (usually excessive drinking or minor disobedience of some sort) Our families and probably some of our friends undoubtedly think he is non corporally punished in some way at home, maybe scolded or grounded. That’s all they need to know. Honestly I would love to spank him especially in front of a couple of friends who would benefit greatly from witnessing that. But that’s not the world we live in yet so I make do and think I make do very well
    Marisa

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    1. Hi Marisa,

      That seems like a very balanced approach, and one that is close to what I have told my wife I think she should explore, i.e. being more openly in charge and dominant, without necessarily openly exposing the entire thing. Neither of us is quite ready for a full-blown outing. In my case, largely because I do think there very likely would be career blowback associated with it, and it very possibly would have an impact on her job as well. Scolding and grounding are also alternatives (or addtions) to spanking that we talk about, but it doesn't really happen. At least not yet.

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  5. Dan
    This topic really hits us at home. Our boys ( twin sons ) are 11. Both Peter and I have become very aware of
    what sort of example we are setting for our boys. In many ways this has helped Peter's attitude. We make it a
    point to speak with respect to each other and do our best not to bicker. A few weeks ago I wrote about Peter
    being under pressure and hanging up on me one Sunday afternoon when he had gone into the office to work.
    I went down and took a belt to his bottom.
    That nite one of the boys whispered to Peter. " You made Mom so angry! Did you get into trouble?"
    It made us both aware how much those " little ears " hear. I am grateful that raising two boys who go into the
    world with as few of our faults as possible, is one thing Peter and I work very hard to achieve.
    I often wonder what we would say to them should we be discovered>

    Anna

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    1. Hello Anna,
      At least two of my husband’s buddies have asked him if he “got into trouble” after a bout of bad behavior they witnessed. I don’t think they were asking if he was spanked but whether I was displeased and there were consequences. It’s never appropriate for children to be aware of adult disciplinary spanking but it seems fine to me if they know he can get in trouble for bad behavior or disobedience. That just supports female authority in the home and that’s where society is going. Our bad boy husbands are the main reason we have to show them our whip hand and if they don’t like it they can always get their behavior under control
      Marisa

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    2. Thanks, Marisa and Anna. I think that most kids are generally aware that mom has a way to make dad be "in trouble." What they know beyond that, or what would happen if they learned, is a great topic for another time!

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    3. Marisa, you say it's "never appropriate....". Why? A disciplinary spanking is not sex, and yet even if your view is that it is about sex....kids do know their parents have actual sex (or else they themselves would not exist). Is there something wrong about having an adult disciplinary relationship that we all should be ashamed of? I'm not looking for an argument, but using 'never appropriate' sounds pretty judgmental.

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    4. Marisa, you say it's "never appropriate....". Why? A disciplinary spanking is not sex, and yet even if your view is that it is about sex....kids do know their parents have actual sex (or else they themselves would not exist). Is there something wrong about having an adult disciplinary relationship that we all should be ashamed of? I'm not looking for an argument, but using 'never appropriate' sounds pretty judgmental.

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  6. I've been on vacation and noticed Rob's comments last week about alpha males making up a significant percentage of those being disciplined by their wives. I think the opinion of most articles is that submissive men are the likely fit in the role as disciplined husband or FLR relationships.

    I'm alpha and then some all my life, but now I have agreed to get corporal punishment by my wife for a laundry list of rules we both agree either caused relationship problems or constituted bad behavior. I've asked myself frequently what caused me to suggest to my wife I should get a good paddling when I step out of line. There is no way she could physically paddle me if I didn't allow it, but yet I do, without exception.


    I think since I have been in control in all aspects of my life, I often get out of control, don't like it when I do, and feel I need to be reined in. In my youth kids were spanked when they got out of line in school and by parents. There is no doubt those experiences stuck in my brain. As an adult, who do you know you can trust and admit you may need an old fashioned spanking when you are out of your control - I think the answer is your wife, if she will make the time and effort to do it. In my case, getting spanked by a female probably has some sexual connection to make getting spanked more acceptable. Fortunately for me, my wife liked the idea because it gave her the power to correct misconduct on my part and release her anger when I did something that offended her. Over time she has learned to deliver very painful spankings when I deserve them, and it is amazing (although it takes all my willpower to withstand them) I feel really at peace with myself when it is over and in admiration of my wife for doing it.

    I'm curious how and why other alpha males became disciplined husbands.

    Fred

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    1. Hi Fred,
      Your question as to why alpha males become disciplined husbands is the quintessential one for alpha males seeking a DD relationship. Beta males ( bad term) swing more toward the FemDom side in that they are not naturally assertive and more comfortable with being submissive outside as well as inside the home. It’s not so much of a mystery why a naturally submissive male would seek a dominant partner. But why do some alpha males (many I think) seek a woman who will discipline and punish us? My conclusion is that the alpha male who seeks discipline and spanking from a loving partner is sometimes trying to assuage guilt and sometimes trying to make himself feel safer about being so dominating in the outside world. Maybe our alpha traits scare us and we seek balance with discipline. Speaking for myself the boundaries my wife sets makes me feel safer and the consequences she imposes for breaking those boundaries make me feel both more loved and calmer. As I have matured I recognize more the guilt I have about some of the things I do ( or did) and punishment from her washes away most of that Your mileage may vary but I believe a sense of guilt and the need to do penance for it lies behind much of my need for discipline
      Alan

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  7. Alan, I think your comments are applicable to many of us alphas, me included. I have to admit I've done some things in the past that I've been guilty of and over the years that guilt hasn't gone away. Maybe getting spanked is a form of penance that lightens the guilt and, in my mind, mitigates it to some extent. I think I've concluded I need an enforcer to keep me on the right track for the benefit of our relationship and my relationship with others and myself as a person. After a good thrashing I don't know that I feel safer, but I do admire my wife for loving me enough and being strong enough to correct behavior that is unacceptable and could jeopardize the marriage if not corrected. I think the benefit of a good old fashioned spanking brings us more together, improves communications, and is the price I pay for forgiveness. For my part, I really do my best to stop the behavior that required my wife to thrash me in the first place and it fortifies the boundaries I know and have agreed I should follow. As an alpha male I think I also seek balance with discipline. Thanks for you input Alan - I think your theory on why alphas seek domestic discipline fits most of us.

    Fred

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    1. Alan's comment on boundaries touches home with me. It's not so much about feeling safe, as feeling that there are some areas where the choicees aren't all up to me. Where not every decision is on my shoulders. That there is an area where I am accountablle but not solely responsible. But, that is only part of it. The rest is a mystery. Once I learned about DD, I just fetl poweruflly drawn to it. Ten years later, still doing it.

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  8. Dan

    Our sons are growing into fine disciplined young men. Both are very much like me, in that they tend to be alpha types. The difference between the boys and their Dad is the discipline they have. I am slowly learning that the
    discipline that Anna doles out is also slowly shaping me into a better man. My boys have great respect for Anna. Daily I am learning her firm but kind hand is slowly teaching this old dog a few new tricks.

    Peter

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    1. Peter, I agree. Damn slow process sometimes, but headed in the right direction.

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  9. To answer the actual question of the week, I would say: "it depends on who is around". If it's someone in the know....then it happens, If there's someone about who is not privy to the DD aspect, or for whom immediate discipline would be an embarrassing thing for them, then we wait. We will also wait if Rosa wishes to for whatever reason, even if it's just her frame of mind.

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  10. To answer the actual question of the week, I would say: "it depends on who is around". If it's someone in the know....then it happens, If there's someone about who is not privy to the DD aspect, or for whom immediate discipline would be an embarrassing thing for them, then we wait. We will also wait if Rosa wishes to for whatever reason, even if it's just her frame of mind.

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    1. "To answer the actual question of the week . . ." A worthy goal, recently observed more in the breach than in the performance. :-)

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  11. I talked to my wife 4 years ago about my need and knowing i need some sort of punishment. She stated spanking me bare bottom otk it was slow at first but now i am hand spanked bare bottom otk twice a week wed,sun. I am spanked in private but windows are open and i have been spanked outside by the pool so i know people hear them. If i break a rule i am hairbrush spanked which i do cry from so i do behave. My wife has said infront of friends my mom hers sisters if i dont behave i will b spanked they laugh but she's serious, iwas aslo spanked at my sil house when she want home and i just got up n pulled my pants up when she walked in just mins sooner she would've seen me bare assed otk being spanked with a brush cathy keeps in her purse,altough i wounder if she was in garage n heard it as she looked blush, my wife says she will spank me infront of her if not carefull

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