Saturday, May 2, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 87 - That One Event

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Anna's topic from last week generated a great discussion.  It was also a heartening experience for people living the lifestyle or interested in it, because many of the "ideal" scenarios our group described were not just male Femdom fantasy fare, but well within in the norm for many DD couples.  It was especially inspiring that many couples apparently already are experiencing their ideal.

Now, on to this week's topic.  Our polls show that it is very often the man who initiates the DD relationship, by asking for it.   Though, every once in awhile, a Disciplinary Wife initiates it on her own.  Many men also express that they had been very interested in spanking, DD or FLR-type relationships for some time before they actually had an opportunity to pursue on.  So, this week's question is, was there a specific event that caused you finally to ask for it?  Some particular bit of bad behavior?  Maybe a point of high stress or remorse?  Perhaps the fascination just finally became overpowering? Or, did the opportunity finally present itself, so you took it?

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Dan

28 comments:

  1. Hi Dan,

    Really enjoying your blog.

    This is a bit tongue in cheek so to say, the opportunatity had come after my Mistress/Wife to be had just beaten my bum at a BDSM club, I knew She was the Girl for me😈

    Regards
    m

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  2. Well, that is a new--and fun--one! Thanks, m!

    Dan

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  3. Good question Dan. Our journey into a FLR started as play. I've always been interested in spanking and bottom play, as in me being the one spanked. One evening on our way to the bedroom for a little sex she smacked my bottom. when we got to the bedroom I dropped my robe and bent over the side of the bed. I told her if you are going to swat my bottom do it right. And she did. She ended up with a sore hand but I had a sore bottom. We discussed it the next day. She said she liked spanking me. I told her I love being spanked. After that for some time there was spanking just before sex and she moved from hand to belt. One day we were having a disagreement that got heated and we walked away from each other not talking. A bit later I went to her and said I was sorry that I was wrong and said I deserve a punishment spanking. She said you love being spanked too much. I said not punishment. she said then get a wooden spoon from the kitchen. I did and we met in the bedroom. I stripped she sat on the bed holding the spoon and scolding me and I felt so submissive and embarrassed. then I was ordered to lay on the bed and she said this spanking will stop when I say so. She set my bottom on fire and I was sore for the next 3 days. And even though I begged and pleaded for the spanking to end it didn't.
    archedone

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  4. 43 years ago I came home with a paddle & asked my girl friend to spank me. We were very soon married!
    Still spanked now with a bath brush!

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  5. Mistress K. and have always enjoyed kinky play from the very beginning of our relationship. We particularly enjoyed D/s roleplay and took turns playing the dominant role. Regular sex and kinky sex where never a problem in our lives. After being married and raising kids, our lives became routine, which happens often in marriages. Although there were no outward problems in our marriage, she asked one day casually, "do you think we'll still be attracted to each other when the kids have moved out of the house?" That question hit home with me and I was determined then to not let that happen in my marriage.

    After contemplating it more and more, I came across an article about FLM and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I mustered up the courage to ask her, 3 years later I officially accepted her collar in ceremony on our 15th anniversary ...... the rest is blissful history.

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    1. Thanks subhub. I think I need to try again for a topic on how the presence of kids, and their leaving the nest, impacts the DD relationship. Unfortunately, every time I have tried that topic, it has flopped.

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  6. I had always had an interest in spanking but had never been spanked myself. In my late 20’s I met a women whose ex-husband had spanked her for punishment and non-consensually. She was not interested in being spanked even erotically but she was interested in spanking a man. She had spanked her own children growing up and knew what she was doing. She was an expert even at one point breaking a paddle over my butt. It was more play discipline than real discipline but the spankings were hard and the experience of being spanked by her made me feel totally controlled and loved at the same time. It was life changing and if the relationship had gone on I know it would have become real discipline because that’s what she was oriented to and spanking me dissolved a lot of her anger toward her ex. Later when I fell in love with my wife I told her the story and she thought we should “finish the job” as she put it. She did and spanking as discipline (and some erotic) has been a big part of our married life. But I have never forgotten the first women who spanked me and still remember her calling to me that “ Ed will now come into the bedroom” where she sat on the end of the bed and when I did pulling my pants down as she bent over to retrieve the paddle she always hid under the bed.
    Ed P.

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    1. Great transition of the budding interest in DD from one relationship to another Thanks for contributing Ed.

      Dan

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  7. As a boy, I was bigger than most of guys my age and also had a quick wit and a very sharp tongue. Often things that I thought were funny were hurtful. My Dad who was a loving and caring man said I was a bully. One day I made the kid next door cry by something hurtful I said. When my Dad got wind of it, he took me to his workshop, pulled down my jeans and gave my bottom a spanking I didnt forget. After that, whenever I acted out or teased one of my sisters to tears, my Dad took me to his workshop.
    As a married man one nite my Dad was visiting when I said something nasty to my wife. My Dad asked if I needed to take a trip to his workshop and proceeded to tell my wife about how, as a boy, he punished me. After my wife would , as a joke , say that to me when I was sarcastic or hurtful. For a few years it was a joke.
    In the fourth year of our ten year marriage I was having a hard time in general and I took it out verbally on my wife. I was nasty enough that she left me for a month and I was desolate. When she returned, in desperation I asked her if she would stay and would she consider giving me the same sort of punishment my Dad gave me.
    She thought about it for several days, and then said she would be willing to try it for a month. The only rule she had was that she, and only she, would choose when and how hard. I agreed.
    A few days later, I told her what she said was stupid. She got up from the table told me to remove my belt and to bend over the chair. I lost track how many times i was hit, but the bruises were there for a week. That was six years ago and I have gotten better but when I slide back she reminds me. An example would be in a note i sent you in the 9/27/14 entry to this blog
    scott

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    1. That's great, Scott. Congratuations on asking for the thing you both needed to keep the marriage going.

      Dan

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  8. For me it was a combination of evolvement and opportunity. I was ready to enter a disciplinary relationship but still shy about disclosing that to a partner ( erotic spanking was fine but I had had one bad reaction to talking about real discipline) Meeting M, a girlfriend who subsequently shared a long term relationship with me, was the turning point. She was not a spanko, had never been spanked, but believed in corporal punishment . This belief in spanking allowed me to open up to her ( and myself) telling her everything about my history and needs. She told me I was someone who had some self destructive tendencies and she thought they needed correction. Some time went by between our conversations about using corporal punishment and her actually doing it ( weeks) but one weekend she showed up at my apartment with a custom paddle in hand and gave me the spanking ( really spankings) of my life. When she was done, she put me in the corner, told me to stay there for 45 minutes and then call her. I did and we talked about what happened and probably within a month I was regularly going over her lap for what she called sins against the relationship. the relationship itself had its ups and downs and eventually ended but once I experienced discipline from her I have always needed it.

    Alan.

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    1. Another great story. Everyone is really on a roll with this one! Thanks, Alan.

      Dan

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  9. As stated before I believe, ours was a logical progression from spank-play to using it as whoever invented spanking intended....punishment. We were heading in a FLR direction, had the inclination, and the common interest, and even though it was I who suggested it, Rosa immediately agreed to it and it's been a forward journey (with bumps) ever since.

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  10. As stated before I believe, ours was a logical progression from spank-play to using it as whoever invented spanking intended....punishment. We were heading in a FLR direction, had the inclination, and the common interest, and even though it was I who suggested it, Rosa immediately agreed to it and it's been a forward journey (with bumps) ever since.

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    1. Thanks, KD. Hope you and Rosa are doing well.

      Dan

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  11. I spanked several of my "girlfriends" when in my 'teens ("pencil skirts" were then in fashion) until one of them claimed "equal rights" - which is something I had fantasized about for some time...
    The same applied with the woman I married: at first, she was the one being spanked (occasionally) - and then, the tables were turned (at my suggestion), and she took such a liking to it that roles have been permanently reversed ever since... As she sometimes puts it: "Don't complain if I whip you: that was your idea, wasn't it? And too bad for you if I discovered I enjoyed it!"

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  12. Married only seven months or so, my wife had mention spankings many times, just in passing, nothing came of it. Finally on a vacations of all times, a beach house, she had that look, I knew I had gone too far, worse of all my mother-in-law a widow was with us. She waited until the next morning and my wife layed the law down and I soon was over her lap, pajamas bottoms around my ankles and her hand dancing on my bare bottom, hate to admit it she was very good, the warmth and stinging I soon felt and her grip was tight and I could not get off her lap. I soon was pleading with her, and the worse of all things, her mother walked into the bedroom, handed her a hairbrush and left, nothing said. I danced around the bedroom until told to get to the kitchen and rubbing did as told. I was thankful I was allowed to pull my pajamas up and in the kitchen her mother was waiting and told to face the wall, I did so, she then pulled the pajamas down and asked her mother if that was good enough and was told very nice. I wanted to be spanked, just not with someone else around, so one does not choose the time or place.

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  13. Dan

    Before I met Anna, I was in a relationship with a woman who was several years older than me. She became first my mentor, then my lover and finally my disciplinarian.Later when I met Anna who was younger, I never shared that part of my life. For ten years I put that need aside. As my career and family grew, I felt the pressures grow and not being man enough to approach Anna I chose to go to a professional woman who spanked men. There was no sex involved. There was also no real sense of relief once the session was over. Briefly in marriage therapy it came out. Anna was furious that I didnt share this part of me with her. Long story short, on her own she went to see the woman who was spanking me and learned.
    The first time Anna took belt to me I was in tears of relief. Together we have mapped a way to make this need into our life. It has let me see I was married to a woman of power and strength and a woman worthy of my best behavior. When I forget that she reminds me. Her insistence that I write this to you is an example.

    peter

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    1. Hi Peter. I think you're being too harsh on yourself in characterizing that first attempt as "not being man enough." Our communication with our spouses isn't always great at that age. Mine wasn't. What speaks volumes to me is this. First, you did go to a pro, and no sex was involved. Second, you didn't seek a spanking-related sexual outlet somewhere else. Third, when the marriage became rocky, you confessed to the discipline need, and then you both worked to incorporate that into your marriage. You both need to be commended, so you should stop chastising yourself. That is what she is there for!. :-) Love you both!

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    2. DAN

      Just read your response to Peter's entry. Thanks for giving him those kind words. I am so proud of how honest he was in that entry. Know I will make sure to reward him this weekend.

      A proud wife

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  14. For me the “event” was my wife’s firm “suggestion” that I needed discipline. I am probably one of very few men who is spanked because his wife suggested it instead of him asking for it. Most of my spankings are for immature behavior or rudeness or irresponsibility with equipment or money but we don’t have a formal list of what can get me spanked and she decides. She uses no panties, enemas, corner time or other props as some wives do, just hard spanking that always leaves me near tears and very sorry I disappointed her. At first I resisted verbally but never physically and I think that early resistance was more a male pride thing than really being upset about it. A part of me welcomed it from the beginning and part of me didn’t. My mother has been in the house several times when I was spanked which was deeply embarrassing to me but she has not actually seen me getting spanked. Now after almost nine years of marriage I accept it as part of our marriage and know it will continue. I know I am a better person and partner due to being spanked and our relationship is very good especially compared to most of our friends. It has been a long time now since I objected to a spanking when she orders one. I just do what she tells me, accept her decision and afterward we go on with whatever we were doing. My wife believes I will never completely grow up and maybe she is right but she is Ok with that as long as she can take it out on my tush when it happens. I get no sexual charge from spanking but my wife has admitted she is turned on by it sometimes even though spanking has never directly led to lovemaking. Oher than my mother no one else knows it happens. Sometimes I feel unmanly because my wife spanks me and wonder what friends would say if they knew. But my mother knows and approves. Blogs like this are really wonderful because you know you are not alone. It is really important to know that other men are subject to their wife’s discipline too and some of them get a spanking much more often than I do.

    TL

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  15. Hi TL You are right -- very few of our oontributors were told that DD would be a good thing for them. Great to get that perspective. Thanks for contributing.


    Dan

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  16. Interesting subject ... I had plenty of corporal punishment at school (strap mainly) and lots of threats at home in a mainly female house (although very rarely acted on) whilst growing up. Spanking was of sexual interest from puberty (and even before) but mainly re-enactments of some of the school scenes. I never discussed with my wife and never even considered her in these continuing fantasies which had no impact, I thought, as we had a very solid and happy relationship.

    One night, on our own, few wines and she smacked me going up the stairs, then carried on in a playful way in the bedroom. It was as if a light went on in my head and although I said nothing that night I did write and re-write a letter to her over the next couple of days, explaining how I had kept this secret from her and asking if she could help satisfy this side of me and use it to improve my behaviour. She read it with me and we talked - lots and a few days later I got my first, quite tentative spanking with the bath brush. She encouraged feedback which I happily gave and I now receive fully fledged beatings which have a strong and positive effect on my behaviours.

    I know I can behave how I like, but I also know with certainty, that any rudeness, sulking, stress or similar WILL result in me lying across the bed getting the paddle or strap until I am close to tears.

    Our relationship has never been better - I can be the big 'I am' during the week knowing that I will get 'reset' come the weekend or sooner if I get too out of control. The past few years have been amazing - sorry if I sound smug - and I feel very, very lucky.

    TB

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    1. The big "I am" . . . I like that. Good way to put it.

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  17. We started off playing spanking games but both began to realize that our energy could be better channeled into using discipline to correct my real faults. I was the one who suggested the switch, but only because I’d read about others who had domestic discipline lifestyles and could see the benefits. But as soon as I suggested it, Mistress said she had been thinking about real discipline too since she felt certain aspects of my behaviour could be ‘cured’ by a good dose of the cane. The switch from play to reality was a simple, effected by strict rules and a degree of severity to the punishment that quickly took any element of ‘play’ out of the situation.

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